Real Food is Real Work

I am rounding out my third day of eating "real food" and I am exhausted emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually.  This was another tactic I jumped into obsessive compulsive mode without fully being ready.  It's good not to keep sitting on the sidelines which is why I felt I had to explore my HealthFULL Journey so that I could Fully Understand Life by Living.  Sometimes when I feel I have stretched my boundaries as far as they will go and dream of retreating back to my hermit lifestyle I remember there is no place to return.  I am not the same and the old comforts would rub wrong like an uncomfortable shoe causing a blister.  Oh don't get me wrong I definitely could break in those old habits pretty easily and make them as comforting as a blanket.  But it would be uncomfortable in the beginning.  Just like this real food experience.  I am dumbfounded by the changes this really entailed by changing my eating habits.  For all the food victories I was celebrating and my "food knowledge" I thought our household was a lot closer to a real food approach.  How heartbreaking as I read label after label of food that is supposed to be healthy.  I have been sustaining myself on bits and pieces the last couple of days as I needed to go shopping to help round out my meals.  The rules  and suggestion for this approach was from another blog I stumbled upon . . . http://www.100daysofrealfood.com/ .  There are ten rules to live by so that you know you are eating "real food".  I have chosen to adapt two of the rules to make my life easier.  I know the blog founder strongly encourages full commitment.  But in the end we all have to do the best we can.  I bought products that had more than five ingredients (but they had to be ingredients that were natural and that I in realistic expectations could prepare (mostly sauces like salsa, marinara which I should be making from scratch but I'm starting out).  And the other one is to buy your meats local.  That is just a level of research I am not ready to wrangle (someday, but that day is not today).  Otherwise I am on board. So I repeat:  

I am exhausted emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually.
emotionally - my old friends - sugar, fat, convenience, chips, SODA!!!! (DIET SODA), are no longer my allies and it does cause me heartache (overdramatic and yet even sadder , somewhat true).

physically - Caffeine intake is way down,  And so is the sugar which makes me wonder how much sugar was I eating to keep me bouncing off walls, I am definitely not bouncing.

mentally - All of The label reading as I stood in the store today caused me to have three panic attacks.  The information was daunting and absolutely overwhelming.

and spiritually - I am bummed.  When you undertake these kind of projects you focus on the results and the celebration but does anyone really focus on the hard work, the extra effort.  Not usually because than we wouldn't take on half the projects we do.  So I apologize for my frowny mood but this journey has amazing highs and some challenging lows.  I am in the heart of a challenge.  I know that I will be better from a health perspective in another week but it is still new.  It is a lot of information to wrap my mind around.  So I observe, I learn, and eventually I will adapt.

May your healthfull journey nourish and nuture your whole being, 'Til we meet again. . .

Marching for Babies 2011

This is a blurb of what I have been working on all night :)

Howdy ya'll. As most of you know (or are learning) I tend to do things as most procrastinators do, at the last minute :) Well having a baby in the house, my last minute projects seem to get later and later. We are less than thirty-six hours away from the Greenville March of Dimes and our family is marching for our little guy. This will be my third march in the last three years for the March for Babies. I am nervous as each March tends to encourage more and more participation from myself. Two years ago I marched as part of my office's team. Two months later one of my precious nieces was born at 24 1/2 weeks (almost 4 months early!!!) weighing in at 1 lb. 6 oz and 12 inches tall. So last year we formed a family team in honor of my littlest niece. Then a month after last year's walk my husband Corey and I received amazing news that we were expecting our first child. What a blessing! And though I would do it all again no questions asked, my pregnancy was complicated every step of the way. Our son was to be born January 19, 2011, and excitedly we awaited our little miracle. However, late October, I began what I call the elephant stomp as my feet swelled quickly and stayed that way. I knew this was not a good sign as I went in to see my doctor on Thursday afternoon and they put me on moderate bedrest, meaning I would have to ask for leave from work immediately for the remainder of the pregnancy. I was scared, but willing to do whatever it took to keep our son safe. I returned Monday to the doctor's office to just check my stats. But sadly my stats did not check well and I was given marching orders to report to the hospital to begin absolute bedrest. Terrified is the only word I can use. Before my pregnancy I had never been hospitalized, no broken bones, and no surgeries. Even more scary though was how was Drew doing? As a mom I already felt like I was failing and did not know what else I could do for my son and his health. Every night after the first night in the hospital, the staff and I would prepare me for the possibility of surgery. Every morning started with an ultra-sound to check in with Drew and see how he was doing. Any sign of distress and the doctors were ready to deliver him. For eight days we did this scenario and day nine, November 3, 2010, was the day for my son to be born. He was only twenty-nine weeks (just 6 1/2 months). He was born at 3 lbs. 11 oz and seventeen inches. Our son was admitted to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) and we started the scariest rollercoaster ride of our life. Every bit of information gleaned from the staff becomes so emotional. He took fifteen CC's of formula with no regurge, let's celebrate. Have to have the bili light could be a bit upsetting. He can't be held because they had just started feeding him his hour pump and was having trouble digesting, equals heartbreaking. The tears, the quiet rocks, the unending information, the pricks for blood tests, began to whirl and can easily overwhelm. Forty-four days we experienced the emotional jolts and received the call of a lifetime "Mrs. Sullivan we are preparing for Andrew's discharge hopefully tomorrow." I wept so loud and so hard. The doctor reminded me gently that it wasn't absolutely definite. I assured him I understood but that there are only two reasons a doctor from the NICU makes a personal call to a parent, either really good news or the opposite. And I was so grateful that this was the really good call. We welcomed our son home just in time for Christmas on Dec. 17, 2010. I got my Christmas wish and God even threw in a bonus of a white Christmas in South Carolina (that never happens). I write all this so you feel the journey. Two years ago I could not have predicted how important this cause would become and so close to my heart. I can't imagine life without my Drew Bug A Boo and I am so GRATEFUL to the research, advocacy, and support of this charity so I don't ever have to know.



We would appreciate your support. If you would like to donate financially please visit www.marchforbabies.org/SuzySullivan listed under Team Drew Bug A Boo. If you would like to help with advertising please forward this e-mail to anyone on your address list who may be interested in sharing their support or post our donation site as a status update in your social networks (facebook, Twitter, etc.) And lastly the biggest support we always appreciate is your prayers for this event, for beautiful weather (last year's started out a little drizzly which is awful for all the babies who plan to attend), continued prayers for the health of our beautiful son Drew and his biggest cheerleaders all five of his cousins and all the families who celebrate their miracles with smiles and most definitely those families who must remember theirs with tears.



We are so blessed and everyday our biggest blessings to count are you, our dearest family and friends.

Thank you always for your support and God Bless!

With huge *HUGS*, The Sullivan trio (Corey, Suzy, and Andrew Kevin Sullivan our own lil' Drew Bug A Boo)

And the band plays on. . .

I fell asleep before I got yesterday's blog out and it was interesting thought that I feel I must muse and remember out loud. 

The eating for Monday and Tuesday has had very little victory and if you can have food hangovers than I have had two back to back.  This eating real food has got me climbing the walls with anxiety.  I am excited but chewing nails (like starting a new school or a job kind of anxiety).  Where you are so excited about the possibilities but queasy in the stomach because you just don't know if everything will be okay.  (99 % everything will be okay 99 % of the time but that 1 % can take over your whole being and just make one unfunctionable).  As I prepare to truly examine what I eat I feel like I am cramming my guilty pleasures for one last hurrah!  (Although my challenge is for only ten days and most of this food I haven't eaten in weeks or even months!) But Monday I stopped off for the fried fish sandwich and cheeseburger.  Of course it wasn't the flavors I have been craving which I have made heavenly in my thoughts.  It tasted like old grease with two much "sauce".  Then for dinner I stuffed my face with pizza (no thin crust here!) And then Tuesday bring on the Chinese delivery (fifty percent fried and 100% sauced).  Have I lost my mind?  And both mornings after I have been not feeling great, Gee, I can't imagine why?  When you put gunk in the tank you are going to feel like junk.  So no food victories here but I feel optimistic about the next ten days.

So onto the band moment.  I was working out with the Wii.  Remember me mentioning that in three days I gained 7 1/2 pounds according to the Wii Fit (or maybe I didn't mention it, so of a bummer.) Well in a day it told me I lost 11.9 pounds.  Yeah baby!  (Again not the most reliable tool - but losing close to twelve pounds according the scale vs gaining almost eight - Feels way cooler!)  And in my upbeat mood (Again I know not to put all my eggs in this basket but its like your best friend soothing you with what you want to hear but might not be the most accurate.)  I felt gung ho and went for the Rhythm Parade.  I sorely lack rhythm but felt so confident I moved off Beginner and went for Advanced.  Bring on the band I am ready to lead my charge.  And one, two, left, right, slap slap blip blip.  And as I am watching my icon on the screen I was brought back to when I was fourteen.  I played the flute in band.  I was okay and was fine with that.   No big dreams to play in an orchestra, just another thing to do while I was in school.  However why did I go back to that specific year in my life in band (I played for seven years)?  Because every year our band would march in a local parade.  It was exciting to finally be in high school and get to march in the Potato Bowl Parade.  It was a rite of passage.  But wait, there is a glitch.  I didn't fit in the uniform.  Or more accurately one that was available.  (There were some big guys in the band who were seniors and had first chance at the "bigger" uniforms.) I am fourteen and not allowed to march because I was too fat.  How humiliating!  Oh there was no way when this was happening I would admit the truth.  My band direction came up with a solution though and that was to have me hold the banner and march at the front of the parade.  Great! Just Great!  Put the pretty girls in their leotards and little skirts for flags and pom poms right behind me and my big ol' butt.  Can't wait!  So I put on my jeans, borrowed a letterman's jacket (because I am fourteen and my tushie imagine this had not lettered!)  And marched like it wasn't weird for a freshman to hold the banner.  I don't remember the lies I spun (too many flutes? wanted a younger and older person representing the band? I've got such a killer smile?)  Anything but the truth at all costs!  I remember vowing to myself by the following year or two I would be wearing that pretty girl outfit.  So much time I spent vowing my revenge on the world by getting skinny (not healthy because that tends to be an older concern) but in the teenage world it is looks.  I like to think I am not that self conscious fourteen year old.  But I still pretend that my sweater can hide an extra pound or two (or honestly more like a hundred pounds :)  And though my focus is health and the thought of boundfuls of energy.  But yeah there is still a teenage girl inside me who wants to go shopping and not worry if I can find ANYTHING that fits but actually buy something because it looks pretty and makes me feel sexy.  I never did reach my revenge look in high school (I swung between 190 pounds to 255 pounds throughout the entire four years).  Besides the occasional "sad" / embarassing moment (uniforms and costumes were always an awkward event) I didn't worry too much about my weight.  It just was.  And now I know I do have control (or more like that I should have control and say in my choices that affect both my health and my weight.)

So I marched proudly on my Wii Fit because I am no longer that teenager who's like "whatever" but an adult who is marching off some true baggage - 16.5 pounds in six weeks, but also some of the emotional baggage that has been hanging around way too long creating too much havoc.

May your healthfull journey be full of good-byes to the moments that caused pain and hellos to an energetic uplifting future. ' Til we meet again. . .

Running smack into the wall

My reaction time stinks.  I see an obstacle, have minor panic attack, and then hit the wall full force even after repeating to myself avoid the wall, miss the wall, DON'T HIT THE WALL!  And yet I am so concerned about hitting the wall, I step aside trying to avoid the obstacle and end up hitting it harder.  This came to me as I was trying to avoid a full on workout as I was having an "off day".  I decided today was a good Wii Fit day.  According to that scale I was up a couple of pounds (which I take with a grain of salt  - on carpet and a different time of the day than last time I was on the scale) and yet it is never fun to see a plus in front of the number instead of you have lost this many pounds.  However, the Wii Fit did feel like I was nine years younger.  That was nice :) I used the Wii Fit as a guide so that I could mix up the work out and not have to think or follow directions.  And with my day that was excellent.  I worked out 34 minutes and I say "worked out" loosely.  However the program really gave me a great visual.  Three of the work outs seemed to hit the same point in my head and my heart.  I focus on the bombs and sometimes miss the applause.  I let obstacles trip me up because they make me nervous.  I am so worried about failing or messing uup drastically I give up and guide myself into trouble's path.  Not always intentionally but subconsciously I guide myself to avoid the "surprise" hit.  But I forget that sometimes trouble can pass by without striking me.  I was "skateboarding" and usually I give up after I feel off kilter and that there is no way to "win".  However with seconds barely left I passed the first round and then the second just barely finishing within the time and made it all the through three complete rounds and so close on the fourth.  And I almost gave up in the first round because I didn't think I could make it very far. I hit many cones which are obstacles that count against your goal.  I would run into the obstacle full force and just suck it up.  Until it dawned on me to try to avoid the obstacle even if I was heading straight for it.  Jump, last minute swerve, anything that at least attempted to avoid the cone.  Sure I still hit quite a few but less than if I resigned myself to always hitting the obstacle. Reminders are good for everyone and I need them constantly.  Two seconds into an event does not determine the whole event but it means staying involved, caring, and letting go.  Oh I hate letting go,  I do care (sometimes too much) and staying involved I can be "eh".  I want to stay committed but I get frustrated and check out until system is all good to go and can achieve more "perfect" scenarios.

Another mini game I played was snowball where I didn't dodge quick enough and let the snowball smack me in the face.  How blunt is that!  It felt like I was being knocked off my feet as I watched my Mii character hit the deck, a bit woozy. And the last game that really helped me visualize this issue was that when I juggled.  Once you are juggling three balls they lob bombs on you. I would get so distracted about avoiding the bombs that I would drop a ball without even knowing. 

How often do we focus on the possible obstacles, the mishaps, and in return let go of the blessings and the good things in response?  I don't want to sacrifice my happiness because of my fears of what is and what could be.  Life is too precious and too fragile to sacrifice the big things.  I am a big believer in life will be as it should be and once again I have to learn to trust myself that I am strong enough and talented enough and beyond blessed with a wonderful support team of family and friends. So bring on the mishaps and lob the snowballs because I will remain strong and standing.

May your HealthFULL Journey leave you confident, aware, and strong; no matter the circumstances. ' Til we meet again. . .

Stopping the Chatter

Once upon a time ago I read an article whose topic has kind of stuck with me.  Many of us use the expression that every person is unique and yet the article's topic boggled my mind.   What is the topic you wonder? Think of your top pet peeves, now think of what sets you off when you hit that agitated point. The article discussed how our triggers are linked to our senses and we all have different limits. For instance  certain sounds have me crawling the walls.  I am sensitive to pitches and volumes depending on my mood.  And sometimes I can't have silence.  But it is definitely auditory issues that trigger my moods.    Some people have deep emotional memories that are triggered by smells, not all of these memories are good.  Perhaps your trigger has a visual connection; bright lights, loud patterns, or dark neutral colors.

This topic has been rambling through my head as my inner critic and my inner champion once again compete.  I am excited about this Real Food Challenge.  I am paging through recipes to get inspired.  I think this challenge will encourage a deeper richer experience on my HealthFULL Journey by providing me some structure with flexibility; a strong foundation without feeling trapped.  But then that inner critic starts dropping open ended questions, and then downright yelling my weaknesses so that I am tempted to throw in the towel without even beginning the challenge.  I won't be perfect but I'll be closer to my ideal habits.  I might feel overwhelmed but I will learn.  I might downright fail but if I don't even try than I already failed, so at least trying has to be an improvement.  So anxiously, excitedly, and determined I begin to make strides toward this new eating victory.

While my inner critic is running loose I decided I didn't want to give that voice fodder to continue to poke my buttons.  I decided to hula with the DVD but without instructions.  I have rented several of these exercise DVDs with the option but have been "nervous" to try with music only.  I am so scared to fail that it stops and stalls so many of my goals.  I am terrified to trust myself.  What if I mess up the moves? What if I drop my form? What if....What if ... What if...  And finally it hit me, What if!   Yes I might miss a step or two, I might jumble the moves, but two incorrect steps is better than sitting on my tushy.  Just another marker of my improvements when I do nail a routine.  It's not like I am training to teach hula, I am just having fun and shaking my hips.  My body is getting stronger but now I have to work through some of the mental hang-ups and emotional blocks.  Another hang-up that is stumping me.  I get nervous that I can't finish out the exercise so I sometimes stop because I feel like that I won't ever reach the end but instead of trying to finish the movement, I throw up my arms and go ah well I wasn't sure if I could finish.  So I am teaching myself to work through the mental stops.  And I was able to hold my arms up as long as the hula instructor in the cool down.  Last time I gave up because my arms were sore (they were strengthening) and I could imagine seeing it through.

It's like a wacky obstacle course now, I need to push forward but odd obstacles are going to pop up anytime and I just have to be ready.  Sometimes I will be successful, some will push me to my limits, but those that challenge me and I still push forward will be my greatest accomplishments. 

May your HealthFULL journey identify your successes and your struggles so that your struggles can become your successes. 'Til we meet again. . .

Havin' a weak week

*Pat on the back* Exercise has officially became an everyday habit and I am super excited and somewhat proud of the fact. I even added a little weight training today with Miss Jillian Michaels.  I completed 22 minutes.  And was pouring sweat (Sorry if that was TMI).  I still had another three full circuits but I had reached my limit.  Better to not overdo and risk injury. 

*Pat on the belly* Eating healthy however has been going downhill since our trip.  Slowly I let my watchful eye become drowsy, downright sleepy, and then squeezed shut.  I like junk food.  At least in the moment of weak resolve I think it is worth millions of dollars.  But then I eat it and go "ehh" it was okay and hours later I am upset and feel quilty for stuffing my face with something I didn't enjoy, didn't really want, and most definitely didn't need.  It's the hindsight of a bad love connection.  In the moment you believe you are with the man of your dreams.  And the next day you are embarassed to tell your friends that you went on a date and instead shrug your shoulders "ehh he's okay. . . as a friend."  For awile I remember this about potato chips and pastries.  But then I get a little overtired, a little overstressed, and a little down and the thoughts of greasy crunchy chips and sweet fatty pastries sound "nice".  Well as this urge hit Friday (I tell you I need to skip this day all together)  I craved doughnuts.  And the reasons and excuses list for me was a mile long why I was justified and almost my duty to purchase and consume doughnuts until my heart's content.  But it was as if the world said "You really don't want a doughnut nor do you need them after I creeped my car through rush hour traffic and pulled into the doughnut shop.  I could taste the frosting on my tongue and the filling dripping down my chin.  I love that creamy custard or sweet gloppy fruit topping (I am rereading the adjectives and with a full stomach am questioning myself, "Really this is what I crave?" But in the moment I confess, I do!  I am all ready to place my order for a variety of tasty treats and in the doughnut shop there are maybe ten varieties and not filled donut.  What?!?? I love doughnuts for their filling.  And I could have just left.  But did I? No!  I knew that they didn't have any of the doughnuts that I truly enjoy and yet I still placed my order.  Still brought them home and ate two immediately.  One was okay and one was eh.  But neither ricocheted me to utter bliss.  Neither made my problems go away.  And neither left me feeling like that was worth the trip, money, or extra calories.  And yet I ate them.  No one forced me but I still felt compelled to shovel them in my mouth.  A part of me wants to keep this "indescretion" hidden and yet I know in my heart to move past these episodes.  I must own these bad days and not blank them out.  That's when I look in the mirror and go "whoa! How did this happen?"  Well it happens when I eat two doughnuts that I didn't want.  That's a good place to start.  So if my exercise is holding steady it is time to tighten my belt (soon I hope!)  if I can address better eating habits.  I believe I found my foundation.  Starting Wednesday I am beginning the 10 day sprinting journey to eat more "real" food.  I came across this site today due to a friend liking it and began my own investigation at http://www.100daysofrealfood.com/ .  She has a ten day challenge for people to sign up and all day I have had that nervous bubble in my stomach.  That feeling, can I really do this?  It makes me uncomfortable and nervous, but yet feel the conviction in my heart that this is the start I have been searching.  I have to let go of my comfort foods that for the most part are just packages of chemicals and little to no nutrition. So after talking with my hubby we excitedly await to allow ourselves a little time to plan.  Real food takes foresight to prepare.  You can't just open the pantry, open a box, pour out contents maybe add water and cook.  Buon Appetit, but not really because what are we really eating?  Also I tend to follow instanteously without really weighing the pros and cons.  So I tentatively step up to the plate and hope for a home run but would be ecstatic with my shaking knees not to strike out.

May your HealthFull Journey excite you in unexpected ways but that fill you with hope, peace, and joy. 'Til we meet again. . .

Holla for Hula

Oh yes all, it is Thursday which tends to be the day I return to the library and pick out my exercise DVDs for the week.  I will be lifting with Miss Jillian Michaels and for super fun I dared to Hula.  After the Bellydance debacle, "Bring it on!"  And this journey is about learning so before I got distracted by the Hula title I sought out that important word "BEGINNER" , That's right, I am not going to get frustrated right off the bat and my reward I saw the whole DVD through.  I learned the basic seven hula steps and let me say I swung my hips with the grace of a hippopotamus, but not any hippopotamus the dancing hippo from Fantasia :)  It was beautiful as the instructor said I would be dancing like an Island Girl in no time.  I felt connected as I squated in tears and was ready to hit power off, she whispers, "Hang in there, You can do it!" Our connection was so strong, she might as well have said "Suck it up Suzy, we are gonna see this dance all the way through!"  That's what I heard.  And so for thirty-three minutes, I swung, stretched, sweated, shook and swayed my hips.  I definitely grasped a lot more of the moves than the Bellydancing moments.  Bollywood still has been my favorite find.  You may wonder why I am drawn to the dancing DVDs but if I was to admit my "quiet hidden secretive" childhood dream, I would have to confess I have always wanted to be a dancer. I used to pull out Grease, Electric Bugaloo 2, Parent Trap 3 (I believe it was a Janet Jackson dance number), Dirty Dancing (who didn't replay this a million times), Sleeping Beauty, and would mimic the dance (perfectly executed in my head, maybe 20% accurate in reality, especially since my dance partner tended to be a three foot futon cushion :)  So as I journey to a more HealthFULL life I am living my dream, in a distance land so far away known as my living room.  So bring on the Bellydancing, Bollywood, and let's Holla for Hula!

  May your journey lead you closer to your dreams and bring Health to a FULL circle in your life. 'Til we meet again. . .

Because It's Wednesday

Having a happy day and doesn't that just change the outlook on everything!  Some people love Fridays thinking what the weekend bring, others love Sundays as for many it is a family day, but my special day lately is Wednesday.  My son was born on a Wednesday and was even due on a Wednesday.  And lately,  Wednesdays are mommy and baby days.  I love them.  My whole purpose for this day is just to be present with my son.  My hubby's schedule requires him to leave the house super early on Wednesdays (which means he usually gets to come earlier).  So my little Bug-a-Boo and I just spend some quality time together.  I love that if he is having a sleepy day (or mommy is) we can nap on and off according to our schedule.  We have all day to laugh and giggle (and his giggle is probably why I am so happy on Wednesdays).

Part of this HealthFULL Journey is opening my life to allow experts in to "my personal space" and admit I don't know everything and NEED HELP.  Which has never been easy for me, sometimes due to pride, sometimes due to feeling unworthy, or sometimes due to guilt thinking/knowing others could use/need the help more.  One of those professionals is working with my son due to his prematurity to help us keep him on track with his developmental skills.  At first, I was nervous, even downright uncomfortable.  Another person touching my baby and supposedly knows what is better for him, than me?!?!?  But in my heart I knew we had to at least give her the chance.  She is fabulous.  We call her our son's personal trainer and she works him out.  He has improved leaps and bounds (some is due to his own progress) but a lot of credit needs to go to this special lady.  She is our compass in a journey that has been filled with a lot of shaky steps.  She helps us to move forward with purpose which brings much confidence.  So though I am starting to open up my special day, she helps me be even more present with my son and allow him the chance to grow stronger and healthier on his own journey.  I wouldn't want to nor could I deny anyone that, especially my own son.  So we start our morning at our pace and wait excitedly for some "fun".  Then the rest of the day is ours again.  With this being "our" special day my movement had to include some serious baby snuggling.  We opted for Mommy and Baby Yoga.  Now that we are old pros (interacting with the DVD already once before).  We already had some "personal" jokes and seeing his smile definitely motivated me to finish the DVD all the way through (minus two minutes because I don't like that part and another two minutes to clean up some spit up).  There was lots of napping on the lil' one's end which let mommy have some time to read and finish some school work.  Both events much appreciated and much needed :)
Food victory was ease.  Finding some ways to store fruit so that it is a quick snack to fix(have the grapes and strawberries already washed and bagged - yes this makes the food spoil quicker but the fruit sitting an extra week in my fridge and not touched because I don't think about it is a bigger waste than having to follow a shorter lifespan) and having some veggies prepped  (mushrooms sliced, grape tomatos, peppers sliced and just throw these on top of bagged mixed greens - I know I am trying to get away from this step but it makes salad mixing so much easier and accessible for at least this household!) to make a quick salad to include with supper.  These little tricks helped a lot!  I once again hit my 5+ servings of produce without too much effort.  I love that!  I need that to attempt better eating habits.

I write this watching my little one doze in his daddy's arms and can't believe how my life functioned without these precious Wednesdays. 

May your HealthFULL Journey reveal precious gems that not only make you giggle but that change your whole world.  'Til we meet again. . .

Been There, Done That, Worth Repeating

Planning works.  I actually ate five plus servings of fruit and veggies, a little bit from all the natural color groups (except blue/purple).  By preparing my fruits I was able to eat produce with little effort and how nice to not plan, waste time, or energy running late and once again skipping the fruit/vegetables I know I should eat.  Lunch was delicious as my body could immediately feel the effects of true food.  I call it true food as I tend to gravitate to food in boxes, bags, and cans.  Stuff that comes from the ground is a welcome break.  I had a tasty lunch that included a sweet potato (trick - bake a bunch of them in foil and then store in the fridge for a couple days.  I then smashed one in a container and either eat it cold or heat for less than two minutes and I can enjoy the tasty flavor and the wonderful beta carotene.  I do warn you if you leave the potatoes in foil they will get a bit damp from the "steam" you created by baking and then cooling off.  And then I ate a salad somewhat resembling a Cobb Salad, a little meat, a little cheese and many veggies.  I dressed the salad this morning allowing the dressing to soak into the lettuce variety by lunch and still be flavorful.  However, I did pack some nuts separately as I love a little bit of crunch to my salad (wasabi peas, honey sesame sticks, and nuts all seem to work for me).  I also concentrated once again on drinking more water.  How funny and completely different are the results with just a little extra awareness.  It is easy for a day to pass and not realize the lack of produce I've consumed (or ignored might be a better word) until bedtime when it is too late to really make a difference.  So by 1 pm I had ate five veggies and fruits and drank sixty ounces of water.  I feel like I stumble upon something brilliant when I plan ahead.  I feel less rushed, more organized, and just ready for life's curveballs.  But then I need another reminder as I begin to quickly backslide into my familiar ways.

Back to bellydancing today.  It is a pretty intense work-out.  Well for me it is a pretty intense work out as I don't constantly push myself to sweat.  But as I try to wriggle and giggle I am also trying to catch my breath.  My hips still don't move like their hips tend to slither but I am actually able to follow the DVD and complete most of the moves, with some minor modifications.  Now that I went back to the DVD the first time I have started to feel it is a fun workout. 

I am drifting to lullaby town so I will bid adieu after a final wish of good night and pleasant dreams.  May your journey revisit pivotal and enjoyable moments.  'Til we meet again. . .

Going Through the Motions

Today was Monday and I had the full Monday blahs. I started the morning at five am and let the marathon begin. I start with high hopes but by five oh five I am off schedule. I hit snooze. Well, okay honestly I reset the alarm clock for a half hour later. I was hoping to get my work out done in the morning and not have to fret. But sleep sounded more important and certainly more enticing. Then toast for breakfast because the morning was moving rapidly by me after sneaking in a feeding and cuddle with one of my fave people. Then work and then unto my parents for a family meal. There were healthier options but I didn't even notice. I just grabbed for flavor and comfort actually bumping my hand on veggies and bypassing them. Bring on the rolls! And it was driving home that it hit me. I had several choices to be healthier and I skipped them because I was on autopilot just going through the motions. Wake up, shove food in my mouth, shove a bottle in my son's, cuddle, burp unto work. Do my job, stop for lunch, continue work, drive to obligation, make small talk, grab food for dinner plate, drive home. That sums up my day. Even my work out on the Wii Fitness was just adding the minutes to 21 minutes. But really coming to terms of going through the motions. Because honestly I do this too often. I work myself up into a frenzy for different events and then just go numb and work off autopilot until I am recharged and ready to get myself into another frenzy and the patter continues over and over. So I packed five vegetables and fruits for tomorrow. That was my food victory. I am planning to be healthier and one way to up my success rate is to truly prepare myself. Don't pack chips for lunch because how convenient can you get (grab bag put into other plastic bag , bring to work.) Love simple! So I grabbed the knife and cut up an apple. Mixed together a hearty salad and smashed a sweet potato already baked. I have to keep myself aware to truly live in the moment and stop settling for the autopilot life. It's not fun because I'm not connecting to it and therefore it is not engaging and its like I am edging myself out of my own life. Because when you stop connecting then what's the point? So I have to remember to plug back in and not retreat. Signs you may not be connecting - avoiding mirrors (who wants to face reality) , punching ignore and quiet on the cell phone more times than answering (because why bother), less than three destinations in your day (home, work, childcare - this screams routine with no adventure and what kind of journey is that?) , and unaware if you have smiled or frowned within the last five minutes (what kind of mood are you projecting? and more important what kind of mood are you feeling). Ways to connect - take a minute to admire yourself in the mirror and dress in an outfit that is attractive and comforting, calling friends/family or sitting down to write a note to let someone know you care, stop to smell the roses or at least allow yourself and extra thirty minutes to check out a new shop/eatery, and stretch your face muscles by making funny faces. May you HealthFULL Journey incorporate fun, fellowship, and FULLness. Let's stop going through the motions and letting the precious seconds slip by and Live FULLy by Fully Understanding Life by Living. ' Til we meet again. . .

Souper Sunday

Saturday was a day of rest from this HealthFULL Journey. Not that I went on the binge I fantasized about Friday, nor did I sit on my duff all day watching the DVR eating potato chips (althought I have spent many A Saturdays like this *Blush*). No Saturday the sixteenth was just hanging out with the family and an official workout didn't happen. My hubby and I did walk the shops and wishlist (kind of like window shopping but actually plan to purchase in the near and not-so-near future). Oh dates at Lowe's (this makes me feel so old!). There has been a trend occurring that is not so good. I only exercised 11 minutes in response to the overwhelming Bellydance DVD. And then nothing really counted Saturday. So Sunday rolls around and I just want to throw in the towel and say no movement today either. Grab a book and enjoy the peacefulness of a Sunday rest with the family. I finished my book and my hubby grabbed a nap as he took the morning feeding with our son. (My hubby is so fabulous!!!) I was planning to cuddle with my little one after I did a couple of tasks around the house (dishes, baby laundry, etc.). I came back to cuddle with my lil' one but he was down for a spontaneous nap (which is rare! He is more of a snoozer. Great sleeper at night but during the day he rarely goes down.) Hmmm. Once again the house is quiet. . . Do I dare . . . Yes! I DO DARE! Bellydance DVD you and I are going to face off once again. You had the edge of surprise last time as you drew me in with friendly language and enticing emotions. But today you and I will dance. I have the remote handy and if I must I will rewind and pause to get these motions somewhat correct (I mean if I paused until I perfected these moves, DVD players will be extinct and I'd be the killer abs Grandma) :) So here we go DVD (Ms. Raina) Let's squirm! I did it! Well as well as I could but I worked out for forty minutes (to make up for the missed Saturday and I forgave myself Friday as Thursday had been a double-dose day of movement). The routine was 34 minutes so I followed her performance and mimiced what I could for 4 minutes and then repeated the bellydance/hip-hop routine I learned from the DVD a couple of times. I figure-eighted my hips, popped my knees, grapevined, swayed, twirled, spine snapped my way through a work-out. My hubby did awake due to a phone call as I "glistened" myself through this somewhat humiliating work-out. I could pretend sexy when it is just me and my DVD, once the peanut gallery arrives I no longer slither but flop, I no longer glide but drag. But I did it. I learned you cannot attempt this Bellydance half-heartedly, it requires commitment or someone is getting hurt. So after I worked up an appetite we had to decide what would make a good Sunday lunch. I was perusing some cookbooks for a fennel recipe. I bought some fennel as a new veggie to try. I see cooking shows always tossing in some fennel. Ta-da I found the perfect recipe that used ingredients we already had on hand. Let's cook! It was a Squash Apple soup. I must confess I have never made home-made soup (unless you count opening the can as home-made.) Depressing right? We even have an immersion blender that I promised my hubby if we got one I would blend soups, smoothies, dips, sauces galore. Umm we've had it maybe two years and we took it out of the box today. Ta-da! So soup it is! I chopped the fennel and snuck a bite. Texture wise - celery, flavor - wise a peppery licorice. Hmmm interesting. I am not a huge licorice fan but not overly powerful. My hubby toasted some fennel seeds which definitely gave off a distinctive aroma (to me equaled licorice hands down; my hubby thought more like Italian Sausage). We cubed butternut squash (one of my faves - YUMMY!) and cubed granny smith and also matchsticked another granny smith apple. I was a chopping fool. We added stock and some rice (2 tbsp of rice thickens and creams out your soup like you add buckets of cream and none is present - love this trick! Thank you recipe!) The soup took roughly eighty minutes from finding in the magazine until filling my stomach. It was delicious, a great afternoon treat for a lazy afternoon - filling, soothing, and yet not overly much of anything - little sweet, little spice, and a little sour. Fantastic! I'm definitely trying this soup again. Fennel will no longer be on my to try list but my to buy list. What a Souper Sunday with my Super Family :) May your HealthFULL Journey be full of adventure, the occasional comfort, and the desire to Fully Understand Life by Living! 'Til we meet again. . .

Ms. Grumpy Pants

Aaaahaaaaaaaaaah! All day I have felt I could scream and really for no apparent reason. I must have put on my grumpy pants today and can't get rid of them. TGIF and nothing! Great news from my hubby! Nada! Bellydanced those blues and they only grew grumpier. It was somewhat cloudy and my mood would make you think it was hailing. I hate these kind of days. Where I don't want to talk to anyone because I fear I will steal their smile. I woke up early and hit the snooze as I had an unrestful sleep. Thankfully the baby also agreed it was a snooze morning. I then woke up as the rest of the household had needs that needed attending - breakfast all around. I enjoyed the cuddle with my son as he was at that perfect temperment in the morning, awake enough to drink the bottle but no protests to returning to the crib. I tried to sneak in my morning work-out and maybe this is where the grumpy pants make their first appearance. I was trying out my second DVD from the library - Bellydancing! I enjoyed Bollywood so much I knew I would love to Bellydance (in the privacy of my own home with the rest of the house asleep :) Ummm...not so much. My belly not quite as trained as the dancers. When they say figure eight I am pretty sure my belly circles like a beach ball and that cool snake like movement well my belly jiggles more than writhes like a snake. In my excitement I had made up a description on the Bellydance DVD. That it was for beginners and would cover the basics. Upon my second re-examination it actually states that it is for Intermediates. So there was no pausing to explain how to pop a knee and how to wiggle instead of jiggle. I tried for eleven and half minutes but I wasn't feeling the sexy that I had pinned my hopes for this DVD. So I still owe myself eight and half minutes. Maybe I felt grumpy because I left something half done. Then off to work where I just was agitated, I was working myself up to a frenzy. I wanted to have a junk food blitz. Total addict behavior but I kept scheming about what I would eat as soon as I left work. Maybe I could leave early, go home and bliss out on total junk. I even relived my fantasty binge to my husband tonight. All day I planned it, trying to hide it from my conscious (you know the angel side that argues with the devilish side). And my temptation side giggled in joy of the thought of gluttony. Anything they asked me to do at work I cringed as it kept my junk food at bay. How dare these people ask me to do my job and work the full day. What nonsense! I was just obsessing about this delicious binge that would quell and calm all the anxiety storms brewing. (Bills, homework due tonight like a paper, feeling like a martyr, blah blah the list continues). And I kept reminding myself that in truth those burgers aren't going to taste that good and the brownies aren't going to quell the storm but hype me up on sugar and make me sick to my stomach. Ahh but Mr. Temptation does not listen to logic/reason/facts, it dismisses them and paints beautiful pictures and ignites the senses to crave more. Begging for the illusions to continue until there is no ifs, ands, or buts, one must just give in. I had three distinct plans of action depending on what time I left work. And do you know what I chose to follow, not a one of them. (I got off work late and didn't have a contingency plan). But that is the food victory. All day I obsessed and fretted over this perfect snack/binge/meal. And resisted. It stunk and it's not a victory as I feel beat up. But I survived, some days are just more challenging. May your HealthFULL Journey help you leave the grumpy pants behind but on those days of anxiousness may you find the Calm that does not come from the Stuffed Belly :) ' Til we meet again. . . (Hopefully without the Grumpy Pants :)

Double Dose

Rough morning start. There are a few sounds in the world that you just dread the result. I was in another room when I heard the coughing sound, that guttural cough from our dog that you want to hustle her to the outside. I was stuck and knew I wouldn't get there in time. So with trepidation I rounded the corner. Nothing. I didn't see anything. Do you know what is worse than finding the surprise after that sound, finding nothing. So I continued my search. Hmm. . . Well I don't remember planting that pile of grass in our living room, oh right that's the surprise. Blech! Always fun to clean up such a present first thing in the morning. I then was trying to squeeze in a work-out (even though I lost some time). My plans were to return my previous DVDs to the library as I was already overdue but wanted to Bollywood at least one more time. It was still as fun as the first time. How funny that even a second attempt I could already notice the improvement. Some of the steps were easier and still makes me giggle to feed the chickens and gorilla walk. And then it is time to head off to work. I started my day with water which was my food victory. Work happened and then I hit the library after buying some fresh produce. As we have been out of town we were sorely lacking fresh veggies and fruit. (another victory). At the library I traded my excercise DVDs for two new ones. Even though I had already worked out for the day I had to do a double dose. I was so excited to try out one of the programs as it was yoga for mommy and baby. I was so pumped. I was thinking "what a bonding experience this will be for me and my little guy". The DVD wasn't quite what I anticipated. I wasn't strong enough for some of the moves and might have been more willing to try but I was terrified of dropping my lil one. Much better to be safe than sorry. There were a couple of moves that brought my son to giggles and I will take that any day of the week. I feel that this might be more fun as a group in a class setting (which is what the video was). But I will probably try this at least one more time with my guy for future ideas to bond and giggle and help improve health (especially mommy's :) Then it was time for a bottle for my lil' one and he is going through a phase. The I drink just a little more than what I share by spitting it back up all over everyone. What a fun phase. That's how I usually respond "How fun!" (Not always in the sweetest tone, but I do try to share a smile. But seriously one can only smell like sour formula so often before patience runs thin. ) Ahh what a day of doubles, and clean up to start my morning and clean up to end the evening. "How fun!" (with a smile :) May your HealthFULL Journey include double doses of the good stuff. 'Til we meet again. . .

Seeking something Better

Have you had that day? Oh you know that day where you are looking for the lost keys, can't find the keys until you look for your wallet but then find your keys? Can't find your wallet and start looking for you shoes, no shoes but there is the wallet. I have not been able to find my Bollywood DVD that I really enjoyed (and is now overdue, OOPS!). I searched upstairs, guest bedroom, kitchen, everyone where practical and everywhere not so practical. Nada. I checked twice in unobvious places and three times in obvious. Still nowhere to be found. I resolved myself to paying for the DVD and maybe hopefully finding it one day. I then had to find a notebook with some important information. Started re-checking all the spots I have visited today and guess what found the Bollywood DVD but no notebook. So yay but eek! Since I couldn't find the DVD this morning I went with Yoga as I was ready to work out and had to get on with my life after a forty minute hide and seek. (Maybe I could have counted this as my workout :) It became a day of frustration and I turned to some familiar vices. I was getting agitated trying to figure out a schedule with some unpredictable days and paying bills and the drill of everyday life that can get frustrating if you allow the unknown details to stress. I allowed myself to stress and turned to old coping skills. Which means food. I could sense what I was doing but didn't want to be aware. I caught myself shoveling chips into my face because they're easy. Open a bag, pop in mouth, Voila! I let myself feel sorry and nervous and didn't want to problem solve or be strong. I wanted to munch and gnaw my way through the unresolved feelings. I forced myself to stop and that was the food victory. I want to beat myself up and then recomfort myself with sweets. Its like a bad relationship, food beat me up add the calories, soothe my worries, I'll feel guilty and then to feel better will munch away once again on flavors of sweet and comforting textures. But I reminded myself to be present. Not only was I snacking my way through frustration but I wasn't even enjoying the food. Which is ridiculous. Stuff my face and not even enjoy it. Those calories are so not worth it. Today not a huge victory but also not a total defeat. And sometimes surviving a battle is the best one can do, every day wins will not make me a champion, but surviving every day makes me a contender. I am still in the fight! May your journey have you seeking something better and that when needed you find what has been lost. 'Til we meet again. . .

Wrapping up the travels

It is so exciting to travel and experience a change; the atmosphere is different, the cuisine is different, the people are different, and with all this different therefore it is easy to assume we are different. Our worlds are different, we're forced to let go of everyday comforts. We traveled for quite a while in the car took some breaks to stretch, re-set moods, and energize. Upon hours and hours on the road I didn't focus on squeezing in my twenty minutes of work-out so after we unpacked, ordered a pizza (because we were just not cooking!) I grabbed work-out gear and hit the Wii. I missed my goal by 1.2 pounds but have lost another 3.8. I am officially the weight of my first official dr. visit for my pregnancy. So now I am really ready to start the HealthFULL Journey :) It is time to Fully Understand Life by Living. Still doing baby steps still slowly letting go of food comforts and lack of movement tendencies. I squeezed in my twenty minutes and headed to pizza. But here are the food victories. On a vacation I usually go hog wild, just pedal to the medal of calories. If it is a morsel that I feel I can't have back home then it is free game. And when we stop at familiar places extra high calorie treats are consumed without a second thought. I had an ice cream cone and pizza. I don't feel guilty because I have came a long way and still have a ways to go on how I view food. But not too long ago I would have had two milkshakes and extra dough pizza. But today I did the impossible for me. I ordered crunchy thin pizza. I have never in my life ordered extra thin crispy dough. That's like a cracker to me. I love dough/bread. That is sometimes the best part of the pizza. I hesitated when ordering which must drive my hubby crazy. Just do it! So I did and yes I missed the bite into pillowy doughness. But was super pleased with the non bloating effect. I usually stuff, okay honestly gorge myself on pizza and then go uh! I feel so full. Blech. But not today with plenty of pizza to spare. That was an empowering feeling. and the Ice cream cone was a sweet treat that was easily sixty percent less calories than if I ordered a large shake. So yes, it would be great if I was completely off junk food and fast food. But I am taking steps to change my life so that I don't run back to comforts but say good bye to them at my pace and gain control over my cravings and choices than run and hide. Life is full of temptation and you can only dodge so many hits. Sometimes you have to look it squarely in the face and say "I'm stronger than you and no longer fall for your easy taunts. If I choose to partake, it's my choice, not yours." May your HealthFULL Journey help you gain power and strength to run your life and not run from it. 'Til we meet again. . .

Halfsies

Oh the halfway mark. Isn't that a fun point in your day? your workout? your to-do list? Half way is a point to highlight. You have put in the effort and most likely progress that shows because anything left to do is less than half. Once you hit half you can tell yourself I've done half and survived this second part is going to be that much easier. I ended up doing half my workout this morning. I am trying really hard to get twenty minutes of "extra" movement in my day. Eventually thirty minutes and then my own play 60. But for now I am focusing on twenty minutes a day. I changed this when I had completed three weeks worth of fifteen minutes a day, what's an extra five minutes. A warm-up? A cool-down? So today I pulled out my resistance band. I purchased a tri cord kit of three different resistance bands with a work out dvd for roughly eight dollars. I packed one of the cords in my duffel bag. It was just liberating to pack some work out clothes, a resistance band, a yoga dvd, and a yoga strap. I figured I am planning to be healthy. Sometimes planning is half the battle. For ten minutes I flexed, tensed, focused, and relaxed different muscle groups. This left ten minutes for the day but I just had to find it, I was already half way done. Food victory came in at lunch time. My hubby and I have some local favorites that we always plan on enjoying while here on vacation. That means we needed some fried seafood Po Boys. YUM! Some special kettle chips (my favorites - voodoo gumbo but sadly these too have changed - where's all the seasoning :( and a fried pie. None of this is healthy. But it is also cuisine we don't eat everyday nor every month. So we set out to have this for lunch but we went halfsies. Normally I would easily consume all this on my own. But halfsies we get the flavor, plenty full, and half the calories (still overbudget but improvement). This left ten minutes to go for the workout so I squeezed in some silly dances. We packed what we could leaving little resources. So from my memory I chicken danced, kick-boxed, penguin waddled, Egyptian walked, and basketball hustled for a solid ten minutes. It went super quick. I like to get things done all at once but sometimes a girl just has to go halfsies :) May your HealthFULL Journey be FULL, and that you have someone you can go halfsies when needed. 'Til we meet again. . .

Falling into Relaxation

What a restful day this Sabbath day was ! It was a delightful day of family and relaxation. We started the morning with hubby feeding the baby. (SCORE!) Extra sleep for this momma and then we got ready for church at an hundred twenty-two year old Catholic Seminary. How cool! It was a touching sermon that hits the heart right when I needed a couple of those reminders but at the same time my lil' one is learning new sounds. And how much fun is it to shriek these high pitches in an older church with lots of echo? So FUN!!! Especially when the rest of the church begins to meditate and pray in silence, what a perfect time to share our new sounds with EVERYONE with an echo effect! Ahh the joys of parenthood complete with embarassment and nowhere to hide :) After church we had a jazzy brunch (minus the jazz). Food victory number one (I am grasping for straws today!), I chose a steak benedict vs. bananas foster french toast. I love sweet but figured I also enjoy a good eggs benedict and figured that there would be less calories compared to the dripping whipping cream and drenching syrup. Then onwards to home where I had an unplanned nap and so did the little boy. A nice long nap which is rare for our household. Then we woke up for a family video conference with distant family in Wisconsin (somewhat old stomping grounds). And then dinner. What a fun day, brunch, nap, and back to supper. We were going to try a steamery restaurant. It serves up tons of seafood and NONE of it fried. Oh it was delicious! This is a pathetic food victory but honest, I didn't dip EVERYTHING in butter. (I warned that I was grasping at straws). After the restaurant it was getting late and still didn't have my twenty minutes of movement. I decided to pop in the Yoga DVD I brought and focus on quiet relaxing deep breaths with strong poses. Then a little tv with family where delicious cupcakes were brought out. I don't know if this counts as a food victory because so far the yummy frosting has not crossed my lips but they are awfully tempting as I finish up this blog. Today was about true R & R but not turning towards full comforts of the past. It was nice to relax and still maintain willpower with some purposeful movement. May your HealthFULL Journey include down time. Life today seems too easy to get oneself wrapped up into a whirlwind with no reprieve, we all need, deserve, and must take some rest to gather energy to be ready for the next adventure. 'Til we meet again. . .

Not always what you think

Wouldn't it be fun if life matched our thoughts/plans? Today we attended a Strawberry festival. It was to be both a family outing and a chance to get some movement. I imagined a beautiful day where we stroll, sample some tasty food, admire a couple of crafts, people watch other families do the same, and hear some good music. Oh doesn't that sound nice? Not at ALL what occurred. We arrived and saw the crazy madness, maybe it isn't as bad as it seems. But oh it was! We unloaded the stroller and began to play mad rush stroller derby with all 100,000 other people. We struggled and rammed our stroller down the crowded lanes and not even two minutes in our little one was turning into a strawberry himself. I believe his stroller design was creating a sauna effect. We spent about a half hour walking around but not at the smooth stolling pace I had hoped. More like a variation between a painstakingly crawl and ramming speed demon. Now festivals serve some of the unhealthiest food in the world because they will fry anything and at the strawberry festival. They fry anything and everything and add strawberry syrup. Delicious! In a sickening sweetly kind of way. Ahh they have maybe my favorite carnival treat, funnel cakes. Aren't those treats awesome? They hold so many memories of fun. These aren't an everyday treat, funnel cakes mean you are having the time of your life (carnivals, amusement parks, festivals). And we saw a location that was selling funnel cakes with 10 different toppings, oh my, delicious fried goodness with powder sugar and a topping selection. Oh too much temptation. I love variety and always feel empowered by a choice of limited edition selections. You never want to miss an opportunity to have the tastiest treat ever!!! But with this much build up could any treat ever meet this demand. No. And funnel cakes have a gazillion calories with no nutritional value. So my victory was bypassing these sweet treats (although a peanut butter choice and a chocolate strawberry choice did catch my eye of fancy). Also another food victory at the festival was we had picked up lunch three selections for thirty dollars. Are you serious? And no drinks! Outrageous! But festival prices never fit reality. We begin to eat I had chosen a turkey leg. This meal was like munching a brontosaurus bone. Ridiculously big, it also tasted a lot like ham which wasn't what I was going for. And after the ridiculous amount spent there is a click in the brain I must eat all of it as not to waste the money. But my new way of thinking is reteaching the brain, the money is gone. It is not coming back. If I am full after eating a third of what I ordered then I am still wasting the food by continuing to munch. The only difference is I have to carry the extra food at my waist instead of treating it like the waste it is and throwing it away. My stomach is starting to send the signals to my brain and I am actually starting to hear its message. STOP EATING! I wonder how long my stomach has been trying to share these messages. "I am full. We're good. Please stop!" But slowly I am beginning to hear the murmurs and feeling the difference. May your HealthFULL Journey be FULL of ideal moments and true connections. 'Til we meet again. . .

Deep Breaths

Ahhhh! The true moment of relaxation, that moment when you are in vacation and realize I am relaxing. The planning is paying off, we are here safe and sound, and anything from this point on is paradise (well after I finish one more homework assignment, then the time is completely mine :) Our gracious hosts/family left us a breakfast treat. Giving us permission to live it up on vacation and left us cinnamon rolls for breakfast. Oh that sweet doughy goodness with the warming spice of cinnamon that echoes coziness through its familiar and welcoming fragrance that warms the tastebuds. The pillows of dough that almost melt in your mouth with a couple of chewy raisins to offer a little textural difference and that sweet frosting that leaves a creamy sugar buzz of excitement. Ahh yes I have had a cinnamon roll or two in my time :) But not today!!! That's right that is one of my food victories for today. Pastries are absolutely the truest sirens of the sweets for me. And the lure of vacation relaxing my will power. However on this vacation I have other treats of cuisine I plan to taste that outweigh the cinnamon roll lure (though it does do a mighty fine job of temptation.) It is an amazing time we live in present times. Between my computer and a little planning the whole world of exercise awaits. I brought a Yoga DVD with me to try out. 28 minutes of deep breathing. And a Yoga DVD that I actually could keep up with . Not a yogi master of 20 - 30 years, where I try to compete with their flexibility. But today this yoga instructor was more my pace. She even gave me some true tips on how to "cheat" my way to yoga success. I had a view of outside as I stared at my computer screen and in the background plays the chirping of birds. Nature can be such a relaxing sound, not birds for me though. Kind of my nemesis as I am deathly afraid of these winged, horned beak, and clawing creatures. However, because the world is full of irony in the window I saw a beautiful blue jays. One of the few birds that I actually appreciate their beauty. That blue is just gorgeous and their funky but distinguished pattern. Beautiful, still don't want one near me without a pane of glass in between. I stretched and breathe my way through 28 relaxing minutes of movement. Learned two new poses which was fun, "Shooting Star" and Warrior walk which apparently is different from Warrior Stance. I am not flexible enough for a full-on child's pose but appreciate the level of stretch I can commit. It feels good to know that even on vacation I am still choosing Health. Then we went to lunch for a must on our to munch list while in the area. It is probably one of my favorite dishes, no probably it is. Honey Pecan Shrimp from a local restaurant, no mass making of this dish. There are close imitations but this has never disappointed me. It has a crunch to the toasty nuts. A sweet tang to the sauce and beautiful plump shrimp. These are tons of calories but yummy! My husband and I fight to the death for the last couple left standing. But today I did not spear him with a fork. I hit my full level and said I'm done. I graciously offered the last couple to him. (I wasn't quite prepared for him to take them but I did offer :) I am starting to feel a freedom from food that many can't understand. (Either you have never had the level of cravings that grip your soul like addiction or you are still trapped). I know that any day I can fall for the lure of temptation. But right now I am feeling strong and in the right direction on this HealthFULL Journey. May you find peace. May you enjoy life. May your journey lead only to goodness and a FULL life for you and those you hold dear. 'Til we meet again. . .

No Passes

I am officially on vacation as we spend some time with family we don't have enough opportunities to see. We traveled by car for eleven hours (usually nine hours, but life is different these days). On vacation most rules we live by are out the window. We spend more money, do less work, forget work-outs, and eat whatever treats we desire. Why not? We're on vacation. Oh it is easy to tell oneself an excuse one after another to justify the choices of taking a break. I am at a critical time on my HealthFULL Journey. It has been just over 3 weeks I have started my fifteen minutes of movement and one food victory and to blog everyday. Things are just starting to feel almost natural. It is time to challenge myself and not fall down the hill. Life doesn't have a hall pass. You can't skip a day to get to the good stuff. I can't eat junk today and expect to be healthy tomorrow. For some a break at vacation is ideal. But not me, not right now. The food victory was shockingly easy. We spent 10 + hours in a car and I didn't eat one single snack. When the car was moving, I wasn't munching. That's amazing, usually road trips bring all the yummy treats. But slowly my body is forgetting the craving training I have placed on it for 30 years. Slowly I am retraining myself to feel full. I don't have to finish a helping to clear a plate. Food can remain on my plate and it is all going to be okay. Simple concept for many but a huge growth mark for me. And exercise was ridiculous. But was completed as I snuck away to our bedroom. While still in jeans and a 2 by 2 foot space I moved by way through fifteen minutes. I am hoping to complete 20 minutes starting with in this week. My goal is to work up to an hour a day. But through baby steps.. I danced, strecteched my way to a fitter version of myself, at least more fit than yesterday and isn't that the goal? To make real-life changes. It would be easy to push away exercise and climb into a comfy bed, I started with five minutes to check that off the list and without realizing it I slowly pushed two minutes back., until I completed the full fifteen minutes. May you find inner strength and do not pass on opportunities in your life. 'Til we meet again. . .

Touching base

I feel like I have been playing a game of tag all day. We are about to embark on our first family vacation and are super excited and tense! So all day we have ran between the bedrooms, paid attention to our son who is not quite fourteen pounds and requires 200 items for the trip to hopefully run smoothly. My hubby and I would meet in one room migrate to another and return to the meeting spot as home base. We planned, designed, ran around, and then re-packed a million different things! WOWSERS. Still so much to do but the food victory is not stuffing my face at every pass to the kitchen and that our snacks for the car trip are about half the stash we usually bring (maybe it is due to lack of space :) May your Fully Understanding Life by Living Journey include challenges to prove how far you have really grown. May you also open up to new possibilities not even a thought previously. 'Til we meet again. . .

Letting Go

Oh it isn't easy to let go, is it? I will admit I have my moments of being a control freak and it was only a couple of years ago that I even realized that I do not like to have chaos occur without a safety net. So carefully I would hide my nets without even realizing it. And if I am being honest I don't like to loosen my grip because my trust is so low. I hated trust falls because of my weight. Or at least I told myself that. But maybe it's I hold my weight because I don't trust. My own personal chicken/egg quandry, which came first? I remember a time when I was about 14 years old. I was at camp and we were participating in several team building unity games/exercises. One was to move our group over a mud pile using only a rope unto a small square platform. Possible but only with maneuvering and team work. I have little arm strength, even back then. I am unaware if I have ever done a chin up on the monkey bars. Heck I didn't even like the monkey bars where you hang all of your body weight with only your arms holding you in the air. Yeah not my cup of tea. And I remember thinking back then, no way could I ever lift myself in the air, swing through the air on the rope, and land somewhat gracefully on that box. No way, I am no Tarzan! But we all had to make our "attempt" and I will admit those early teenage years I was a bit surly. So I gave it a run, well a little jog, jumped for the rope and made contact. Amazing for one whole second until all of a sudden I flip upside down and splat in the mud hard (and just because it is a weird detail I remember I was wearing all white, inside out sweatshirt , because yes I was that cool . Forgive me it was early nineties and white shorts.) Oh this game is done. I fell in the mud, made a fool but thank goodness it is over let's move on. There was one other part to this exercise building teamwork. If someone touched the mud (you know with the tip of their sneaker, I proudly was the only person to fully land in the mud) the WHOLE group had to start over. I don't how team-building this part was as much as team anger building :) The group was about half way when I went kersplat! So off everyone comes (I am going to say there was roughly 16 of us, faulty memory could be 10 could be 20. 16 seems fair). They asked if I was injured. Nope because I was a clumsy kid with plenty of padding. Just a bruise to the old ego and really dirty clothes. So they let me stand off to the side. And as I watched, I cheered on the team, helped strategize and then we got to about three people to go. When they start saying my name. Alright let's get Suzy on the platform. Oh no she is already on the platform (there were two Suzy's if you could believe it.) And they're like, no its your turn. Umm..no!!! I am covered in mud, remember I fell flat on back, proving I am not coordinated enought to participate. No way people! And I believe the counselors were going to give me a pass. But no, some smarty pants has to follow the rules and shout from the box. I wanted to cry. And I certainly debated if I should claim injury. But after quite a bit of hemming and hawing. (Seriously covered in mud!!!!) I gritted the teeth I ran grabbed the rope, whispered a prayer, and three seconds later I swung through the air (That's right all of me) swung through the air and landed on the platform. Oh wow! How freeing, how amazing! And seriously had I hung on for two more seconds no muddy clothes? I've held myself back a lot in my life without even counting those moments. I just know I would be the person clinging to the mountain losing my grip and someone standing there offering me their hand for support. And I would shake my head you could never hold me. And yet I have no chance of survival gripping to the mountain. Slowly on this HealthFULL Journey I am letting go of my preconceived notions. I am letting go of my safety comforts. And most importantly I am slowly letting go of my shield, pounds and pounds of it. This morning I had to let go (it is slowly becoming a daily exercise) because I had prayed last night. God it would help if I could wake up extra early to get my movement in, ready for a trip, and finish a work project. Oh God has a sense of humor. I awoke at one a.m. to what sounded like a hail storm and a horrible windstorm. A little too early. So at 4:45 a.m. my dog awakes me by licking my elbow. Has she lost her mind? Miss Belle felt she had to go outside. So I drag myself out of bed and was going to crawl back into bed for about a half hour more of sleep; when I remembered "You wanted to wake up early". Oh no! But I was feeling somewhat awake. I gathered myself and hit the Wii Fit. I did a nice long boxing routine with a little yoga to equal 31 minutes. I then proceeded to clear the dishwasher, pull out the expired food, get ready, and cuddle with my little boy while thinking about the work project. Such a great start to my day, until I realized I misjudged my time and ran late to work. Seriously? I wake up at 4:45 a.m. and I am still late to work? Ridiculous! So I had to let go of my morning agenda. Perfection would not occur today. My food victory is slowly letting go of my snack comforts. Not that all snacks are bad. My choices were for the most part. Snacks range usually 100 - 200. Mine could be anywhere from 400 - 1200 extra calories. That high number is the total number of calories many people consume. And that is my snack? I am learning about snacks that are packaged to discourage extra snacking/bingeing. I also am trying to find items not pure carbs. (I LOVE CARBS!) and need more variety. Letting Go is never easy! May your HealthFULL Journey leave you surprised, blessed with humor and the ability to laugh yourself, and most important that you have trust in yourself and those you hold dear. 'Til we meet again. . .

Short and sweet

Down the road I trudge. . . *trudge trudge trudge* Sometimes the weight doesn't feel like it will budge! But daily I continue to gather my things and for at least fifteen minutes I let my sweat cling. I focus on food; and eat for nutrition and not just for my mood. Though I still crave something sweet I remind myself that a snack is different from a treat. Oh I look forward to the day when I feel strong; and not so often in the wrong. But I take my baby steps, one foot in front of the other foot. Letting the bad habits fade and the good habits take root. This journey is day by day. And I must say, I continue to strive towards my goal because its worth the world to be HealthFULLy whole! 'Til we meet again. . . And try to change my life

Going Old School

Today the food victory is learning balance. I still have so far to go with my nutritional habits, but understand to truly lose weight and become healthy I have to change both the eating habits and the exercise habits, together and utilize both changes consistently. Otherwise it is just dabbling and no real effect can take hold. Today I tried a Boost shake with Glucose Control. There was one time in my life of yo yo diets that I lost a good amount of weight with the Slim Fast Diet. And though I would never use these on an everyday basis as I am not looking for any more fad diets but thought the occasional stand in with lots of vitamins/minerals could work for those rushed mornings. It was okay but it isn't real food. And I really want to focus on eating "real food". Then we attended church and received communion which was a food victory too. It is a part of health that I want to rebuild and continue to grow my spiritual health. This is a HealthFULL Journey and that means I have to remember myself as a WHOLE individual. It was good to be in church and nuturing to my soul. It was a need that was being overlooked. And after church we went out to eat. Isn't this a Sunday tradition for most families? It appears so when you start to look at restaurants to eat. With a little one I am still not all that comfortable in most restaurants, depending on wait, cost, places to sit our lil' one's carrier I am not familiar to the best options. Well we ended up at a Chinese Buffett. Oh so many visits have I had to these types of restaurants. So many options, so very few healthy ones. But so many favorites. I tried to focus more on vegetable choices, less fried, and less sauced. I was somewhat successful. Its baby steps. It is so empowering to leave the restaurant not overly stuffed and hobbling from that stuffed feeling. (That is such a depressing statement that I even know that feeling!) But that is why this HealthFULL Journey is needed, because it is time to for change and to LIVE. Where does the balance come? Well I had a light breakfast, heavy lunch, and a super light dinner, actually haven't eaten yet. But thinking of something light as it is quarter to midnight. Movement today was hoping for the park or a family walk as it was such a gorgeous day but we have had a family to do list that was growing dust. We have made headway and that is exciting, plus with it being Sunday, family nap sounded so nice (and it was !). So excercise turned into fifteen minutes of old school warm-ups. I attempted excercises that were a part of my daily life as an elementary school student. Oh my Goodness!!!! My body certainly is not the same as it was. I completed jumping jacks which used to be my favorite. Not so much any more. Those suckers burn in the calves. And windmills, well they can wind ya! I also got a tish dizzy and lost count several times. But in a weird way fun that I actually could still complete these. On to cherry pickers, tap the ground three times stretching further back with each pat and reaching to the sky :) Sure but once again did it. Now unto mountain climbers, um wow, so not easy! I accomplished ten which really would have counted for two and half back in the day. Moving forward winded, tired, and in disbelief that there is still six minutes to go I continued to sit ups and push ups. Shocking but my abs need some work. Crazy I know but sit-ups weren't pretty. And on the push-ups I attempted them from my knees, which even my dog felt I needed a trainer. She showed encouragement by slapping the back of my head with her big ol' paw. Thanks Sgt. Belle. Still not done? My timer has to be broken! So I finished up with some Tae Bo moves and then the last two minutes I did a cool down of arm circles, neck circles, and tip toe reaches. Wow those fifteen minutes never felt so long, but they are fifteen minutes on the journey to HealthFULL strides. Another marker to see in the future. When mountain climbers aren't strenuous and the push-ups aren't so bad that even my dog needs to paw slap my head :) May your journey include steps to fulfill all your HealthFULL needs. May love and encouragement come from all aspects of your life and make you smile when you need it the most. 'Til we meet again. . .

Blah Blah blah

What a day to feel blah! I just couldn't get out of my funk today. The weather was beautiful, we had plans for the evening, and most of the day was a good ol' family day. However I just couldn't shake my black cloud feeling. The kind of day you just want to crawl under some comfy blankets, paw through a bag of potato chips, skip movement of any sort, and just cuddle with the baby. Any plans sound like a hassle ( no matter how fun they seem). Have You just ever had a day where within five minutes your life changes three times over? We had a moment like that and I won't bore you with details but it certainly was an emotional whiplash. And possibly sharing my story yesterday let go of some burden but also made me vulnerable and no one likes to feel prone for an attack. For so long I have used food as my crutch, my shield, my blanket. It was meant to be sustenance and if occasionally tasty a double bonus. But these blah days are the days I have to re-teach myself that food can't be the solve all. These are the days that movement is necessary and whatever means I can use to pull the bootstraps I have to muster through. This is my life and I deserve to feel good and my little boy deserves to have a mom who wants to play and more importantly who can play. So to the Wii Fit seemed the easiest to set up and complete the fifteen minutes. I stepped on the board to receive my balance check and weight. My balance was spot on; a balanced fifty percent on each foot. Yay. Then the scale plus two pounds. Blah!!! I know I know within a day a body can fluctuate plus or minus two pounds. But when you are feeling blah seeing a gain of any sort so not cool. Then I took my body tests, walking and peripheal. Umm the Wii Fit said walking wasn't really my thing. Oh good, it's only a life skill that one uses daily. Fantastic! Then it told me I was approximately 33 years of age. I was 22 a week ago. I gained eleven years, what a wonderful blah moment to add to the list. I decided to push through my ticked off punk side and skateboarded better than I have ever done. Great! The tides are changing. I then tried juggling which is very metaphoric in my life. Juggling all of the roles life has cast upon me as of recently. I would start to get a routine going, feeling good, and then the game started to lob bombs directly at me. This game is my life story. After my rough start with juggling I decided to try an obstacle course where I was flattened by a log and sent airbourne by a giant ball and chain. Yup this is very close to how I was feeling before starting Wii Fitness and was true after thirty minutes of working out. It was time to get ready to go out and my blah ness started to cover my thoughts. Have you ever put soap in your hair because of being distracted? I have but today I did the opposite. I used my shampoo as soap and then I couldn't remember if I had washed my hair or not? I figured it out and just felt remarkably blah. I couldn't even shower right today. It was then time to go and me and my son shared a first. We had the chance to experience our first crawfish boil, which is funny because they are not all that common in South Carolina. Tasty morsels with lots of veggies soaking up that delicious seasoning, very yummy! We visited and caught up with family and friends and showed off our little cutie. My food victory was a basic one today. I drank my eight glasses of water (which I might want even more after the crawfish boil). It has been awhile since I have stayed as hydrated as I should. It really is an easy thing to accomplish to drink water and yet I have let myself stray from the habit. I really can tell the difference from when I am occasionally sipping H2O and drinking as least the recommended amount. Hopefully this is a start to a lifechanging trend. May your healthFULL Journey have very little blahness but when it does happen that you have support and motivation to push through. Because blah moments pass and usually bliss is what follows. Work through the blahs to truly embrace the bliss. 'Til we meet again. . .

The Rise and Fall of Confidence

I started out with a stellar morning. You know the kind where you jump out of bed ready to slay dragons, leap tall buildings and still clean the house before lunch. Maybe I was still feeling the endorphins of my Bollywood experience or perhaps because it is TGIF. Isn't there something just electric about Fridays? Saturdays and Sundays are nice, but Fridays hold the anticipation of the infinite possibilities that the weekend may hold. I was able to squeeze in 21 minutes of a quick Wii Fitness routine and me and the Wii shared a little April Fool's joke. I got ready, pulled out tofu for tonight's dinner (tofu sloppy joes, sweet potato fries and asparagus , YUM!) and for breakfast had an ice cream bar. Maybe not a practical everyday solution but today I was feeling invincible. I looked over the calories, carbs, protein, and fat and they were all in reasonable limits (it was an ice cream bar from Weight Watchers.) Two hours later I realize why we need something a little more substantial as I was feeling some grumbling. But for that moment I felt like wonder woman ready for her power bracelets and cape (though for now I'll hold off on the lycra suit :) It wasn't even ten a.m. and I had my food victory(prepping for dinner, eating breakfast, reading labels, and making a choice!) and movement done for the day. And though I had a pretty good day, here it is evening and I am overwhelmed with emotions and doubts. I had two homework assignments and had left them last minute once again. As I am trying to process through the blahs I realize that is also part of the journey. I will have highs but I will also have lows. For awhile I have felt in my heart that if this journey is to be FULL, then it also has to be real. It is time to confront some past memories that I ignored when they were happening. It is time to look back, reflect, and say good bye to some of the pain that I have held too long on my waist, my hips, and my stomach. Hopefully, by sharing some of these struggles I can feel unburdened and release the extra weight on my shoulders. One memory that I wished I had spoken up. My weight has not only confined my breath but my voice. I was working at a grocery store at my heaviest about seven years ago I was roughly 60+ pounds heavier than I am today. My work shirt didn't fit as it couldn't button "comfortably" and by comfortably I mean several buttons would come undone. So I wore a work sweatshirt over it. Which I stretched and stretched and it still barely fit. I was helping a customer and her daughter asked her mother a very simple question. "Why is that lady (I would be that lady) so fat?" And the mom first tried to ignore her daughter (maybe 4 years old) I too took the mother's cue and acted indifferent as if I did not hear the daughter who was only 10 inches from me. Most people know the daughter does not pick up the adult cue of ignorance is bliss. She again asked her mother the same question. Her mother now panics that I will hear this question and tells her daughter to stop. Her daughter repeats the question louder and the mother grabs her husband and panickly demands that he take their daughter out of the store. I still remain neutral and non reactive. Although my heart is breaking for the little girl who doesn't understand what she has said to upset her mom. Once her curious daughter is gone, The mom then fidgets with her wallet, smiles a nervous smile and tries to compose herself. I continue to remain neutral and end our forced overpolite exchange. I have thought of this incidence numerous times. There were so many choices that could have led to a better out come. In real life three of us left that exchange uncomfortable, embarassed, and hurt. Had I said one thing or shown acknowledgement at least one of us would have walked away in an improved state. This journey is to Fully Understand Life by Living. This incident is only one example that I was only going through the motions and not truly living. I still have that sweatshirt, it's baggier these days, but I also had this memory that would tighten my heart. I hope the mom was able to calm her daughter and let her know that it isn't wrong to ask questions, to be curious, to want to know more. And maybe the person I used to be can find her voice in all these heavy memories. May your journey be Full of possibilities and low on regrets. 'til we meet again. . .