Mizpah

It was also called Mizpah, because he said,

"May the Lord keep watch between you and me when we are away from each other."

Genesis 31:49

Do you crave silence to truly feel the moment?  Do you crave that connection between you and something bigger, someone important, yourself, or that peace the only God can give?  Its hard today to remove yourself from the noise and excitement of your surroundings.  It is common to hear the whir of electronics and fans especially here in the South. It feels borderline insane to turn off our cell phones. It is just too easy to flip on a radion, television, or computer for connection or even background noise (and let's be honest - some of us flip on all three :)  Even typing these words on the computer I have the music station "The Spirit" playing in the background and a fan whirring over my head. With another ear perked for sounds of my sleeping toddler. 

But two nights ago I sat in silence.  I am reading the book Women Food and God by Geneen Roth.  It is an interesting book that I picked up at the library because I am a woman who enjoys food and certainly loves God.  One of the activities she mentions is a twenty minute meditation to connect basically with your gut/stomach.  I had recently discussed with my pastor I don't take time to be silent with God.  And when I do take the time to sit down with the complete intention to be silent.  I end up turning the time into a prayer gab fest that then mutates into a random to-do list.  So with those thoughts I told myself it was time to be silent with God.  It was late and my hubby and my son were already submerged into their dreams.  I grabbed the kitchen timer.  The book mentioned twenty minutes but as it was late I didn't want silence to turn into my snoring and elected ten minutes.  I climbed the stairs and left the light on above the stairs.  Grabbed some pretty colorful yarn (a suggestion borrowed from the book) to create a space for me to meet God one on one.  I wrapped the yarn around my seated posture and realized my yarn could have been a tish longer and/or more honestly, that I still have some work to do on my bum size.  All in good time right?  Patience remains a virtue :)   

So here I sit, ready to be silent and meditate on wherever, however God wanted to meet me.  And almost instantly I could appreciate the silence that surrounds me. I could feel my breath connecting to my body.  Slowly, I began to breathe.  Time passes and I feel rejuvenated and then the lists began to form.  Words came to mind to share in this blog entry.  To-do lists started to organize as one thought connected to another.  And quickly I shushed my mind's ramblings.  The book suggests to focus on a repetitive word and when the mind starts to race shut it down by counting seven deep breaths.  I began my counting - one deep breath in and release.  Two - the breath fills the stomach even deeper and exhale nice and long.  Three the breath relaxes me and the departure of breath is let go through a yawn.  Four - five - six and on seven I choose to use the word Mizpah.

I love the comfort of that word.  It was great for a breathing word. Inhale on Miz - exhale on -pah.  Soothing that word flows through the body as it brings images of comfort and connection.  A wonderful feeling as I sink into this silent union with God.  And then I don't know the distraction - a stray thought a physical brush of discomfort and the union is broken as thoughts collide and crash through my mind.  What will I write? How can I share this moment?  What is my schedule tomorrow? Do I have to gather anything tonight? Any food to prep for tomorrow's menu?  Oh don't forget to fold the laundry. Should I do another load tomorrow and eek I wanted to sweep and vacuum tonight but then I didn't. But oh I am going to regret not having that done and yadda yadda yadda.  ENOUGH! ONE - deep dramatic breath in and hasty exhale to clear the clamoring words. 

I would count up to three and start to feel the prayers and thoughts and noises crawling around seeking entrance.  I would start the count over maybe hit the count of four and again the thoughts begin to whirl begging for attention.  By now I want to open my eyes and just peek at the timer.  There is no way it hasn't been ten minutes.  The timer must be broken.  And again INHALE - EXHALE - one. IN- OUT - two, miz pah three - miz. . . pah four....m-i-z . . . p-a-h. . . f-i-v-e; in-hale deep and ex-hale long - six and Miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiz paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah seven.  Back to silence ready to just be with God.  Who knows how much time passed in the end maybe a minute (or ten seconds :)  and the timer begins to chirp.  And once again I return to my noisy reality.  With promises to God that I will return once again in silence - because everyone needs a chance to speak and for that to happen we must be willing to listen.

May your HealthFULL Journey include time to appreciate the silence and build you up so that you can take on the world full of noise. 'Til we meet again. . . 

Silence

Haven't we all heard the expression "You know you're comfortable with someone when you can sit in silence?" I can marvel at my son for hours in silence, pet my animals, relax with my hubby, and yet if it is just me. I can't handle the silence. I need to flip on the tv, grab a book; not even in the car can I handle going without the radio or my cell phone. Does that mean I am not comfortable just being me. And honestly the answer is no. I am a stew. I simmer with my emotions - all of them. Sadness, anger, joy and I just let them build and build until I boil over. It's the extremist in me. My poor hubby honestly lives in a musical or a soap opera depending on my mood.



This thought came over me as my son napped this Saturday afternoon. He doesn't tend to nap that long, so once he goes down my sprint begins. I had lunch, two loads of laundry, both bathrooms clean, the floors swept, and now I sit. I am beside myself what to do. He might be sleeping hard because we had a mommy and baby work out. My second DVD for the week was Dance Baby Dance. It wasn't quite the bonding time I had hoped as my son was looking everywhere but mommy for the most part. But I did get to lead and we had lots of snuggle time and who wouldn't love that. After our dance session we did some floor play time. Then a bottle and then nap time.


This HealthFULL Journey has brought a lot of exciting adventures my way, discovering different movements to pursue, different ways to eat and different items to taste, and now it appears the next chapter may be the emotions so that one day I can move or to just be still and quiet.


May your HealthFULL Journey bring you some moments of peace and quiet. 'Til we meet again. . .

Stopping the Chatter

Once upon a time ago I read an article whose topic has kind of stuck with me.  Many of us use the expression that every person is unique and yet the article's topic boggled my mind.   What is the topic you wonder? Think of your top pet peeves, now think of what sets you off when you hit that agitated point. The article discussed how our triggers are linked to our senses and we all have different limits. For instance  certain sounds have me crawling the walls.  I am sensitive to pitches and volumes depending on my mood.  And sometimes I can't have silence.  But it is definitely auditory issues that trigger my moods.    Some people have deep emotional memories that are triggered by smells, not all of these memories are good.  Perhaps your trigger has a visual connection; bright lights, loud patterns, or dark neutral colors.

This topic has been rambling through my head as my inner critic and my inner champion once again compete.  I am excited about this Real Food Challenge.  I am paging through recipes to get inspired.  I think this challenge will encourage a deeper richer experience on my HealthFULL Journey by providing me some structure with flexibility; a strong foundation without feeling trapped.  But then that inner critic starts dropping open ended questions, and then downright yelling my weaknesses so that I am tempted to throw in the towel without even beginning the challenge.  I won't be perfect but I'll be closer to my ideal habits.  I might feel overwhelmed but I will learn.  I might downright fail but if I don't even try than I already failed, so at least trying has to be an improvement.  So anxiously, excitedly, and determined I begin to make strides toward this new eating victory.

While my inner critic is running loose I decided I didn't want to give that voice fodder to continue to poke my buttons.  I decided to hula with the DVD but without instructions.  I have rented several of these exercise DVDs with the option but have been "nervous" to try with music only.  I am so scared to fail that it stops and stalls so many of my goals.  I am terrified to trust myself.  What if I mess up the moves? What if I drop my form? What if....What if ... What if...  And finally it hit me, What if!   Yes I might miss a step or two, I might jumble the moves, but two incorrect steps is better than sitting on my tushy.  Just another marker of my improvements when I do nail a routine.  It's not like I am training to teach hula, I am just having fun and shaking my hips.  My body is getting stronger but now I have to work through some of the mental hang-ups and emotional blocks.  Another hang-up that is stumping me.  I get nervous that I can't finish out the exercise so I sometimes stop because I feel like that I won't ever reach the end but instead of trying to finish the movement, I throw up my arms and go ah well I wasn't sure if I could finish.  So I am teaching myself to work through the mental stops.  And I was able to hold my arms up as long as the hula instructor in the cool down.  Last time I gave up because my arms were sore (they were strengthening) and I could imagine seeing it through.

It's like a wacky obstacle course now, I need to push forward but odd obstacles are going to pop up anytime and I just have to be ready.  Sometimes I will be successful, some will push me to my limits, but those that challenge me and I still push forward will be my greatest accomplishments. 

May your HealthFULL journey identify your successes and your struggles so that your struggles can become your successes. 'Til we meet again. . .