Bollywood or Bust!

Lots to share today. I felt I was celebrating food victories left and right. First one up I finally made it to the library and am ecstatic!!! I came home with nineteen books and 2 DVDs. A little excessive but I was feeling the need for reinforcements. Most of these books revolve around nutrition, faith based scriptures meant to encourage, and fitness goals. And two were vegan cookbooks, a great way to focus on vegetables and healthy grains without cholesterol or saturated fats. It helps to learn different ways to prepare meals to encourage a healthier lifestyle. I think it is easier to try a whole new recipe then to always doctor a favorite in an attempt to cut the calories. Another victory came when I returned home. I knew that we had plans to go out to eat and planned to be home for an hour and half before leaving. Usually my ears would hear the tasty snacks calling out to be munched. My stomach would echo a reply. Yet, I decided to tough it out, no snacking. And I went hungry. I actually allowed my stomach to grumble and feel the yearn to eat something. It was almost pleasant to feel this way because it wasn't the huge production I have built against it. In hopes to avoid binges I have been force feeding snacks and in a way training myself to feel hungry is wrong and could trigger a horrible relapse. But not today, today the hunger was empowering. We then met family for dinner to celebrate my dad's birthday (HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!!!). We chose a family buffet as there were to be thirteen of us, with a large age range. I started with a simple salad. Usually buffett time is serious business, start with two overheaping plates. Scarf down the food to hit seconds or at least dessert without feeling the fullness. But I took my time. After the salad I grabbed entrees - tried to make good choices , not awesome but not horrible.(baked chicken over fried, 1/2 sweet potato over spaghetti or mac and cheese. some collard greens and black eyed peas ). And for dessert a giant cookie cake was offered. I turned it down, not that I didn't want to continue the celebration but if I am going to eat extra sugar calories, they are going to be worth a choice I really want - like ice cream! At this buffet is a big dessert selection, cakes, cookies, pie, and the granddaddy of them all - build your own sundae. Ohhhhhh I have so many pounds from my childhood dedicated to the great build your own sundae, I was an artist that knew how to build, topple, and balance the delicate toppings , usually attempting to use every available topping, gummy bears and marshmallows being the "cherry" on top and overflowing. But not today, I wasn't hungry. I wasn't stuffed but full. Slowly I am reteaching myself to listen to my stomach. It doesn't have to hit empty so that I binge with rationalized permission but to also not overstuff my belly allowing it to expand and learn that it "needs" to be full. And then onward home. Where I accomplished my daily exercise, almost as soon as I entered the house. Wait for it....the introduction to Bollywood. So much fun!!! Had I overstuffed myself this workout would have been miserable. But feeling full and a little rest good as new. I debated at the library if I should pick up this DVD. I love So you think you can dance, I have seen many dancers not have the stamina complete a bollywood routine. But the cover did boast for any fitness level. The instructor was quite good, slow but not condescending. She would keep shouting out that this is suppose to be fun and to smile. The Bollywood vibe is all about abounding joy through bounces and high energy. She also would shout out randomly to do what feels right and of course in the background my hubby from the peanut gallery would muse out loud "what a great workout, do whatever you feel like, very motivating!" If you can shimmy, you can Bollywood according to this instructor. My favorite move hands down has to be the gorilla :) Forty five minutes later I was sweating, giggling, and super energized. I will definitely be pulling this DVD out several times before returning it to the library. *great resource to view different types of exercise without any financial commitment, which in today's world is a bonus upon itself :)* When I was in the library I received a phone call from my hubby. I know I am not suppose to answer it. I also know that we would talk a total of ninety seconds if that. I took the call. And sure enough I got busted by the librarian. She was about to tell me to either hang up or take it outside, but I was hanging up as she came up to me. I felt bad because she doesn't want to have to tell me to follow the rules but it is her job/responsibility. Don't get me wrong usually I would respond inside my head with miffness, how dare you bother me to follow the rules, you don't know my life story, it wasn't hurting anybody. . .yadda yadda. But it stinks when people can't follow the simplest instruction, and isn't it the most frustrating when you know the person knows the rules and is perfectly capable of following them? That's why I felt bad, but then why did I take the call in the first place? Because I hate boundaries. I believe most of us do. It's easy to ignore the rules when no one is being punished or lightly or that we can simply get away with it. Maybe that's part of the fun, the challenge. Do you ever speed? Play hooky? Cheat? It's still against the rules even when no one is watching. I read somewhere that is the true test of someone's character; How we behave when no one else can see or know. So when I eat junk food binges. No one is watching, few people would care, and yet damage is being done. I am hurting me. Some boundaries need to be respected and that is why I am trying to reign it in. Because I want to be the same person when no one is watching as I am when everybody is watching. May your healthfull journey teach you healthy boundaries. May you learn rules that benefit you and your lifestyle and challenge any that cause harm to anyone or anything. Within any limit lays an amazing opportunity to be the best you that you can be. Challenge, conquer, and love your way to health. 'Til we meet again. . .

Let's have a ball!

Oh this journey is about Fully Understanding Life by Living. And hopefully that includes fun. I've been trying to celebrate the big or small food victories and to move for a minimum of fifteen minutes daily. The food victory was shopping today at a grocery store with a big discount as the store bids adieu. Now in full disclosure potato chips were not available but I would like to think and perhaps downright pretend that would not have had an affect on our shopping trip. Also fresh was not available as they have beenin the process of closing for a short while. But the victory was spending less than five percent on adding plain junk food to the cart. We did buy a little bit of cookies, snacks, and ice cream. Although it could have been worse. Less than a dollar fifty for some yummy cookies ? But we did somewhat contain ourselves knowing what comes into the house usually leaves through the garbage can (which is a total waste of money) or is added to our bellies (which is sometimes a waste). We tried to minimize impulsive shopping (though when everything is sixty percent off , that is a challenge in all of iself. For fun I have some fitness gadgets galore laying around the house. Oh when it comes push to shove I have the items. It is the drive to accomplish the actual movement/exercise. So I picked up my weighted balls and blew them up with the air pump (doesn't that alone tell you how often I use most of these gadgets? :) It was all about the arms today as I would do a certain motion for a minute and then switch up my choice every minute on the minute. I included some punches, twisted balances, and tricep push. Some minutes were more challenging than others. My dog eagerly anticipated me dropping one of the balls so that we could have some time to formally play. She knows how to tug at the good ol heartstrings. I tried to explain to her as best I could that it wasn't meant to be a smart dog). I wish I could have made her night, but baby steps and it was about just moving when bed sounds like such a pleasant option. So up I went and sweated. I wish I had the energy to type more as I have more on my heart and thoughts to share but I am just wiped out. May you know, learn, and respect your own limits on your personal journey. 'Til we meet again. . .

A Friendly Hello!

Ohhhh Tuesday yet again you kick my tushy. This day is usually my long day at work. Which means I when I return home I just don't have the energy to do a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g, but once again the world doesn't stop spinning just for me and my pity party. I have been trying to get over to the library but was already running pretty late and once again skipped going. (No reason except to go to the library. Libraries and parks have always been my safe havens. Something familiar, comforting, and yet with the possibility of the unknown. :) I returned home to the delicious smell of my hubby cooking tacos. My food victory of today was eating when I was hungry and until I was full. I had the lentil leftovers for lunch and ate only half of what I brought ( I did bring quite a lot, I asked my hubby to pack up the leftovers from last night and didn't really know how much was left.) But instead of stuffing myself and being uncomfortable for the day. I thought I'm full. This was tasty and I could eat more but I have plenty for another meal. Okay actually I thought, I'm done. But that was the full thought :) For dinner, I didn't have seconds. I always have seconds on tacos. But once again. I sat an extra few minutes and realized I didn't have to eat more tacos. I convince myself something tastes good, therefore I should eat more. Slowly my stomach is re-teaching me its needs and what my stomach requires and what my eyes and tastebuds tell me don't always match. How funny that on this journey I am learning I need to relearn the basics (breathing, listening to instincts). After dinner it was full on cuddling time with my precious son. We shared a bottle, then a snuggle. I could have sat blissfully like that for the rest of the night. However, I hadn't moved my extra fifteen minutes for the day. Tonight was the kind of night that it would have been so simple to discredit the fifteen minutes. That there are some things bigger in life and worth more than those fifteen minutes. And though time with my son is precious and every second is worth more than infinite amounts of gold. I had to really evaluate the trade off. A small fifteen minutes today to help add years. I've got to trade the blissful minutes today for the years of happiness ahead. It stinks, its not fun, and it is hard but it will be worth it. So I drag myself away from a wonderful quiet evening and head upstairs to the Wii. I step on the board for my weigh in and what a pleasant surprise. I actually reached my goal set 9 days ago to lose five pounds. I can't recall ever reaching my goal on the Wii. Usually I set it almost unreachably high. Because I like a challenge I say (fifteen pounds in 2 weeks). No problem! If I shoot for the stars and miss at least I shot for the stars. But if I could make it, that would be amazing !!! On this journey I am trying to really live and not just let my imagination run wild. I set the goal for five pounds in two weeks and behold I made it. YAY! (I know my statistics course would state that there are variables that can't be accounted and therefore there will be errors. But it was just so exciting to have the Wii cheer and celebrate my efforts. Thank you electronic gadget for being supportive and not destructive. That extra boost led me into a 31 minute work-out. Twenty minutes stepping my way through Biggest Loser. and eleven minutes practicing my inner punk on the skateboard. I'm getting better and will be hanging ten in no time ;) I would also like to take a minute to thank those you have shared their support and their encouragement. It's amazing how much a kind word via in person, email, text, or any other means of today's world; can encourage or motivate. In those dark moments when I want to chuck the whole journey and go rogue, running back to the comforts that are all too familiar I am reminded and lifted by those who have extended their support. Thank you! May you feel the kindness of another's encouragement and support in your weakest moments when you feel the most challenged and tempted by the world. May your friends walk beside you and new friends greet you in your HealthFULL Journey. 'Til we meet again. . .

Let there be Lentils :)

I arrived home from work and I just craved that return home snack. And what better way than a couple of cookies and milk (shh! on the milk as I rarely drink dairy milk these days I prefer Almond and Coconut. So I stole from my hubby and our milk supply is very low so I had a very small glass.) And than the avalanche of cravings started, it was near five and I was getting hungry for a real meal but we tend to eat late in our house, sometimes very late! I was thinking I need to get away from the snacks and was planning to complete my fifteen minutes of movement. But instead I thought this would be a great night to surprise my hubby with dinner. He does 90 percent of the cooking in our household (he is a super yummy chef :) Here is the food victory of the day, not only did I stop a snack avalanche in its tracks I experimented with lentils. When I first started the HealthFULL Journey the goal was to try a new veggie, fruit, or grain every week. I am trying to start get back in this habit. It is such an easy way to bring one out of the rut. You get to try a new flavor, possibly learn a new skill in how you prepare the new food, and a way to get different vitamins and minerals into your body. I can't recall ever trying lentils and there is so much variety. Ohhh if you haven't tried this high protein and fiber powerhouse, buy some today. They are so simple to prepare. We had purchased the red lentils and I found a curried red lentil dish on the web that they called "Dal". So good. We ate it with a little brown rice and Naan bread which I had never tried before which is why we had the side of brown rice. But that works out great for me as I can bring the extras for lunch tomorrow. Here is the great thing about the lentils. They have a hearty texture and the strength is up to you. If you like mushy food as comfort food just let them simmer extra. If you like a little extra bite don't simmer as long. And for flavoring the recipe called for a chile (I recommend this as all we had was bell pepper. The chile would give it that little extra hot spiceness) and onion. Otherwise it was just a couple teaspoons of interesting warm spices that we definitely need to use more in our house (cumin, coriander, and tumeric). Now I do warn you that this dish wasn't the prettiest but it was so tasty, filling, and SIMPLE!!! I always consider it a victory when I can feel full, no meat was consumed, nor was it missed. I think our next lentil experience will be with the green puy ( they look like little jewels ) :) The simple factor to lentils is equivalent to rice. Pour in a cup of dry lentils into two cups liquid (broth, water - broth really can add a lot of flavor) and let it simmer. My recipe told me to add tumeric and then we added the other spices with sauteed onions halfway through the simmering. Voila! So SIMPLE :) And to end the evening we took a family walk. As we already had eaten dinner by 7 pm which in our household is a nothing short of a miracle. It felt so freeing to have time after dinner to truly relax. A simple walk out the door isn't quite what it used to be as we gather our dog and her items and then our son requires a small army to gather his things to leave the house for 26 minutes. We didn't quite walk a mile. Though we had a little incident that required me to be very still. Our dog scooted out of her collar as she was a hunting a cat in the dark. It took a couple of minutes to calm her down and literally lasso her. But we were back on our way. I also noticed a trend with our family and maybe this happens to other families. We think we are being spontaneous but then realize yet again we are walking on trash night (the night before trash is picked up ). Not so bad in this type of weather, a little cool some breeze. Oh in the summer it is the worst as heated garbage wafts toward our nostrils. So either we are so predictable or our dog has total mind control over the house and whispers we need to walk by all the wonderful smells and sniff our way to paradise. I am worried it might be both :) 10:15 food victory done, movement completed, and blog now done! YAY! May your HealthFULL Journey lead you to exciting foods, new perspective, and extra fun. ' Til we meet again. . .

Finally a loss

Hi ya! Today was a good day. The food victory today was a personal biggie. I spent the entire day at home and I didn't mindlessly eat/snack once. I sat down with meals and didn't pick. My thoughts weren't consumed with grabbing snacks from the cupboards. And though I was giving myself permission to not purposefully avoid ice cream and chips, I didn't run to them and even went another day without shoveling them down the gullet. It was kind of empowering. I can actually be in the house and accomplishing my to do list and spending time with my son and not constantly imagining the first getaway to start shoving food into my mouth. Its hard to imagine that has been true too many days. Now my meals could have been healthier. But I think everyone struggles to be healthier. This HealthFULL Journey is to make the small changes everyday to lead to a different way of life. Like today for instance, it wasn't even a conscious thought to remain out of the kitchen cupboards it naturally happened. It was a confirmation that the small changes are leading to big results. Speaking of big results I actually am going down on the scale. Yay! In a week I've lost 2.6 pounds according to the Wii. Maybe not the most reliable scale but so exciting to actually see negative results and that be a positive feeling:) Also if you do the full body test there are certain exercises to measure your "age". It said I 22. Really? I can lose 2.6 pounds and eight years. This week has showed some big results. So I'm excited. I kind of needed this pick up. Yes I am actually finding my footing. Fully Understanding Life by Living and I am starting to feel revived and slowly .....super slowly peeling away some poundage (physically, mentally, and especially emotionally). There is a lot to do but focusing on small strides can equal big results. For instance all the Wii exercises choices for me today were to find my rhythm and skateboarding, we all need that moment where we can let out our inner punk. And my punk side worked her tail off. I quite sweated while my lil' one watched and giggled in delight. May you find your own rhythm on your HealthFULL Journey, that brings you BIG gains, (possibly through BIG losses). 'Til we meet again. . .

Plans don't always go as Planned

Our family's journey has been filled with a lot of mountain highs and some plateaus and a couple of dips. It's why I believe I am trying so hard to grasp some resemblance to a routine. If one can firm up a strong enough routine it is easier to adjust and move forward with life. Chaos can sprint its way into complications. Reel in the craziness to move forward. My husband and I did put together a meal plan for two weeks and we still have roughly two weeks of meals as we haven't quite been able to follow the meal plan (or have chosen to pass that evening). We have been blessed with opportunities to spend time with families and friends. And with those blessings, choices. Not all benefitting a HealthFULL Journey. I am forty minutes away from completing eight days without chips and ice cream.Both have been in the house everyday of those eight days. Yes some days I substituted with a cookie or fries. We each have our own personal vices. Chips and ice cream have been my go to foods for comfort, for easy snacking, for pleasure, for calories, for activity, and much more. I was using these foods as replacements/stand ins for healthier options. I am hoping by doing without my usual fare, that I can treat them once again as treats. Most of the chips left in the house our in snack size (true snack size not 3 - 5 servings, but one). By learning I have choices and to be more conscious I feel this is a major hurdle that will hopefully avalanche into many more healthy alternatives. That's the plan but as I am learning everyday action is more beneficial than just having a plan. Having plans is good. It allows for structure, a base that can catapult one forward at any time. But no plan is a guarantee. Today was the first day the three of us could enjoy a Saturday as a family. We are starting to feel and see Spring everywhere. The idea was going to cover both movement for the day and family time. I was so excited about the idea of taking our little one to the park for the first time. Most likely we would only walk but I was happy hoping for that memory. However, rain delayed that idea. So our family day o fun became a Saturday at the mall. You won't believe this but we were not the only parents who thought with a rainy day the best place to go is the mall to stroll with our little one. It was insane and packed full of families as only one car stroller was left locked up by the door for patrons to pay to use. We came across the little playland area in the center and the equipment was covered with children, it looked like an infestation. It was quite the visual. It has been a long time since I have spent any real time at the mall. And though the people watching was great fun as teenagers were acting cool, salespeople were aloof and didn't care or were crazy with desperation for a sale. Can you guess who works for a commission and who doesn't? :) And though it was a nice day. It certainly wasn't my plan of walking in sunshine, with children's laughter as background noise, and plenty of personal space hundreds of yards from any other person. But it was a good day. We got out as a family, moved/walked, joked/smiled together, and engaged with the world around us. May your journey not go as planned so that you can enjoy life's blessings which usually hide out in surprises. Fully Understand Life by Living and live everyday to the fullest. 'Til we meet again. . .

Seeking the perfect snack

It should be obvious now but I love snacks. The perfect snack must meet three criteria in my mind -Big taste (bold, interesting, reminiscent), fun texture (crunchy, melty, gooey), and the must - easy to fix for quick snacking! Ummm sounds like potato chips to me. Never plain chips, usually barbeque with a sweet touch, but willing to try most flavors (I must promote Zapps Voodoo Gumbo, had I been home any more time before being put in the hospital for the end of my pregnancy I was very close to charging 24 dollars worth to have these Lousiana spicy deliciousness sent to my house. These are hands down my favorite. They are spicy, sweet, and the perfect crunch!!!) But I digress. I obviously need to limit this snack, chips are a huge downfall for me. I use them not as a snack but my main go-to. So I need to find replacements that will be way less calories, less carbs (because I find plenty in other sources) and hopefully beneficial to my health (vitamins, protein, minerals). But I will be happy just to cut down the calories to start. So my food victory was to replace my chip snack today (though I have been chip free for almost a week which I hope to claim as a victory tomorrow). It was Friday today and that means the kid in me wants sugar and junk food. What would satisfy my chip fix today oh I know the seaweed snack. Yes I replaced chips today with a seaweed snack from Trader Joe's (my second favorite place after Whole Foods. Whole Foods makes me feel healthier for stepping in the door and I love to stand in front of the pepper section is just pretty with all the colors and energizing. I know weird, but I am sharing the truth with ya'll. Trader Joe's makes me feel like a treasure hunter because every trip always leads me to one interesting find, I may like I may not but I like to seek out the hidden gem). The gem our last trip was these seaweed snacks. They are intriguing. They meet the snack criteria, Big taste (it's the flavor of many sushi wraps, its a bit salty and earthy ? and the color is strong/rich, fun texture(not crunchy but crumbly melty. It doesn't smoothly melt but crumples in your mouth like a wafer.) And super easy to grab. The package resembles many cookie packages. And the great thing if I sat down and ate the whole package (which I wouldn't because you aren't going to grab a handful of these snacks and down them. You will eat them one by one.) But if you did eat the whole package you would consume a total of sixty calories. Yes, a total of sixty calories. And the package costs less than a dollar. It says it is two servings but there are at least two helpings left (possibly three) and it has served three servings. Do you know if you eat a bag of potato chips even just the "single serving like Big grab size - which really is three servings- most chips snack bags would equal about 420 - 480 calories. A meal in truth. So seaweed snacks is the victory. I'm trying to change my life with tweaks. I am not looking for the quick fix but changes I can live with in the long run. I may not eat the seaweed snacks everyday but they will be in the shopping cart in the future. Movement today was filling out my dance card with the best partner in the world. He isn't quite two feet tall but adorable, smooth, and the best motivator in the whole world. My little guy and I turned on a dance music channel and began to move to the beat. I couldn't quite grasp the rhythm and my lil' boy started to give me that "Heave-Ho , Oh no " look with the big eyes. We found a country station to be more of our speed where we could grape-vine, two-step, and spin our way to giggles and big smiles. My partner was starting to become the party pooper and fussy near our fourteen minute mark. However I couldn't believe how quickly the time passed after we changed the channel. My hope is that one day I will be moving and exercising without prepping myself "Okay we got move today. What should we do." I hope with these daily strides that I will be getting ready for bed and think wow I didn't realize I did that much today. I was never out of breath and just had fun and still managed to squeeze in two hours of exercise movement. I hope that it will be because my lil' guy and I went to the park and played in our yard. I have to remember that. I have to remember it is about getting healthy now but it's really for the memories to come. May your HealthFULL Journey lead you closer to your dreams. May it even perhaps inspire them. 'Til we meet again. . .

One step into the Next step to equal 560

Once again procrastination has me finishing my fifteen minute goal of movement at 11:57 pm. Today was going to be the day I played hooky. I could feel the stubbornness settling into my muscles and the coaxing voice of temptation easing me into a state of compliance. Whispering sweet nothings like "Oh, you are so tired. Doesn't the bed sound comfy and sleep sound divine?" "Is missing one day really going to matter?" "You can double up tomorrow and decide to work out at least thirty minutes." "Today was busy chalk it up that we can't be perfect". And all of these words sounded so justified and comforting. And as I began to lull myself into a relaxed state of delusion, my health beckoned, my will rallied, and determination fought one last angry burst screaming "NOOOOOoooooooooooo! Fifteen minutes matter because we are establishing a habit. Don't give into the temptation of comfort! You are only hurting yourself and your future!" And then with one final plea, "Don't try for fifteen minutes, just do five. I can quit after five knowing I did my best." And without much thought I grabbed the kitchen timer, set it for fifteen minutes and headed to the steps. My husband asked what I was doing because I was obviously a woman on a mission. And I replied almost sarcastically that I was going to do my fifteen minutes of movement. Wasn't it obvious how I got up from my sleepy state on the recliner and stomped to the steps like an upset teenager. With my feet I began to climb our steps, one step after another, climbing all fourteen steps. Our poor dog, she ran up the stairs all excited as she loves to lounge on our chaise as it contours with her long back. I warned her I wouldn't be upstairs long and upon the top of our steps I turned around and walked back downstairs. Which drove my dog bananas. She then waited eagerly me at the top of the steps wagging her tail. As I reclimbed the fourteen steps I bent down to pet her and then returned down the steps but this time with company. From what I gathered we weren't partners but competitors as she raced me down the stairs. She won. She also won our next two sets of up and down. With a triple crown she called it quits baffled at my actions. I walked forwards, backwards, and sideways. Whatever position would help speed up time. After twenty sets of walking up and down the steps (all 560 of 'em) I hit fourteen minutes and forty seconds. I cooled down the last twenty seconds pacing on even ground. This was a hard workout. It was a mental success and an emotional overload. I didn't want to and I was seconds from giving in. But the thought of not doing something was too overwhelming. There will be days I will fall asleep without a daily workout complete. But that day couldn't be today. I really want/need to establish a pattern that won't be easily erased. If I want to get Healthy than I need to push through these tough moments and forge forward. My food victory was two fold. I picked up fast food for dinner with two sandwiches and fries. I ate my fries and started on the grilled sandwich and realized I was full after eating it. There was still a cheeseburger in my bag which is what I really wanted. But I had to wrestle with my thoughts for a moment. I was full and yet still wanted to eat my tasty cheeseburger. I had to remind myself that I could eat it tomorrow. That's right, nowhere does it say that food purchased must be eaten within twenty minutes. So I have lunch ready to go YAY! and I didn't gorge. I also turned down chocolate cake with the family. It was tempting as it looked delicious. Again nowhere does it say, one must always be eating in the company of others eating always! It's okay to let someone else munch, freeing me to talk and concetrate on listening to others. May you HealthFULL Journey lead you to clear paths and not deceptive routes. 'Til we meet again. . .

Uh- Oh this is not for beginner's!!!

Let's start with the food victory of today. I had three minor breakthroughs for today. One: I ate breakfast, gave my son his bottle, and ready to eat again. What? Am I now linked to the baby's metabolism. It has only been thirty minutes since I finished breakfast and in my head I am ripping through the cupboards. Okay thoughts let's pull together. Think past the craving, Stomach? Are we truly hungry? No. We are home for the day, the food is going nowhere let's start to pull together a plan of what needs to get done. And I just started clearing stuff off my to do list. Play with baby. Check! Strip sheets, change bedding. Check! Sweep and vacuum. Done! Let's give the baby an early bath and get ready for the doctor. On a streak! Sterilize bottles for the rest of the day. Throw in some laundry, we're chugging along. Thinking about food, not a second! Drew was ready for his doctor's and smelling good we still had about 2 1/2 hours. So I let him have some swing time to lull him into nap mode while I worked out next to him. I threw in a DVD I had used only one section of and we will get into this in the next paragraph. I got myself ready to take Drew to the Doctor. And realized I was hungry and it was lunchtime. Hours passed and I hadn't torn through the cupboards. Yay victory 1. Victory 2 is I modified one of my favorite go-to lunches. Inside I am still a kid at heart. Spaghetti O's are still one of my favorite lunches. Easy, comforting, and filling. My old version is I would cut up two turkey dogs and throw in a bowl with the Spaghetti O's, tore up two slices of cheese and hid them through the dish. And then I would toast two pieces of bread, butter the slices and then scoop up the O's with the toast. I confess I am a scooper with bread and a dipper with sauces. The problem with this, is those two things add a LOT of calories and rarely serve a true purpose. So I modified my dish a little. No bread. Saved at least 200 Calories. Cut out one turkey dog. Good bye 45 calories (they're pretty lean). And no cheese added. This one was the hardest. I would love to find my melted globs and how the cheese pulls. bye bye 160 Calories. I did add the one turkey dog as mentioned and a couple of mushrooms (I love fresh mushrooms, cooked, raw, bella, white, shiitaki, Bring it!). I pulled out a little fruit and yogurt, but after eating my Os I was stuffed even after cutting 400 calories and back to the fridge went the yogurt and the fruit (though I am about to pull them back out for a midnight snack - baby kiwi, they're so cute!). Wow nine times eating this meal I will save myself from a gaining a pound. That's scary. And what's worse I didn't even really notice the missing calories. The mushrooms were so much more filling than the bread. And though the cheese glops were missed it wasn't like I was going without. And victory 3 - Arriving home from the doctor appt. was close to the time I would arrive back home after work. And if you caught an earlier blog of mine you know this is a dangerous snack time zone for me. Yes I was hungry and yes I wanted something quick. So I grabbed some nuts. Big handful of nuts. More than a serving size. But stopped no combing back through the cupboard. My snack crave was met and I was satisfied. I didn't rack with guilt I wasn't overly stuffed. But satisfied. YAY! Baby steps can conquer a mile. Back to the DVD. This was no basic for beginner's. No modified edition. I used a DVD that is for resistance band work but there was a bonus of Cardio Pilates. Sounded perfect. Oh no, this lady was ready to work out and I was ill prepared. This was no "movement" this was a full on workout. Five minutes in and I am POURING sweat. Any other DVD I can recall there are "informational breaks" as they explain the exercise and the purpose. Oh no rest for the wicked with Miss Ana. She started out with a hundred jumps of different positioning. I did about 16 and felt proud. This is a lot of poundage to put up in the air all together at one time. By jump 15 my calves said, or I should say, Screamed, "Nope" this ain't working for us. And jump 16 I wasn't even having half of the air lift off. So I nodded my consent and modified the jumps to my abilities. She pumped her knees I marched proud and strong. Her counts just blended right into each other. Even Drew had a panicked O on his face from his swing. I don't know if it was the redness of my face or the ragged breath. But as I am trying to time my breath I also am cooing mommy's okay. Just swan diving and bridging. Swan diving is belly flopping rocking and probably one of the few things that I somewhat completed. I might re visit this DVD a little more down the journey and will be able to reminisce how far I've come. Another thought during this DVD. I don't breathe correctly. My breaths are ill timed and don't match my movement. Now yes I realize if you are in better shape and exercise frequently you build up your lung capacity. But I usually breathe the opposite natural. My movement doesn't the breath. This echoed throughout my thoughts today. Because of my weight I have tried to control my breath for so long in my life. If you can't hear me wheezing you won't dismiss my breath because of my laziness and weight. I have climbed many of stairs and tried to control my pace so that I look "normal" because if I wanted to breathe evenly I am a turtle slithering up those steps. But then I again am dismissed for my weight. So I grin and bear it, try to slide the sweat off my brow indiscriminately like you don't see me use my sleeve to wipe my face. And I suck in my breath even though my lungs are on fire. And today is the first time I realized I literally have allowed my weight to steal my breath. Letting my image dictate my needs. Oxygen isn't a luxury, not a privilege, it is necessary for survival. And I don't take what I need when I need because I am uncomfortable with how a stranger perceives it? Uff da! Not cool, and not right. It's time for me to reclaim my life by reclaiming my oxygen. Step by step, day by day I am going to relearn the rhythms of breathing. What's natural vs. what's forced. May your HealthFULL Journey help you Fully Understand Life by Living by breathing and feeling. 'Til we meet again. . .

The Final Hour

Oh this was a close one to pull out my fifteen minutes of movement. I went for a bike ride, on the Wii that is. And with my directional illiteracy I got lost on the game. I worked out for 31 minutes and twenty four was on a bike ride(Expert course) that I only gathered 9 flags when I am suppose to collect 20. I really was trying to finish but I drove off the cliff three times in a row within forty five seconds. And sometimes there is just a moment to throw in the towel. The third nosedive was my breaking point. I enjoy moving with Wii Fitness, it's kind of cheesy(which I like :) , they tried to throw in some variety so that you have a reason to come back for more, and it makes me laugh. For instance a doggy followed me on part of the route and when I nosedived and I was sent back to my last flag and a different doggy was waiting to follow me. There was a moment I reminisced my frustration on an electronic footing. Who remembers the Nintendo Power PAD??? Oh that's right I raced the great cheetah and it was a hit or miss for me. I could soar through all the other characters but that quick cheetah was one fast cat. I have never been a runner. Even from a young age races did not come easy, and distance? Forget about it. I don't know if I lacked motivation, talent, or am just uncoordinated. Even in dreams where I am being chased most likely I will just stop and suffer the consequences, anything to stop the running. And yet I watch the joggers downtown where I work and they look so motivated and at peace. I have always secretly yearned that maybe deep down I am a runner. I have a goal of running a mile in under seven minutes forty five seconds. Now, I really can't recall running a mile under ten minutes in my lifetime. But this time isn't picked randomly. Back in high school I played volleyball as a ninth grader and we trained with the varsity and jv teams. To make varsity you had to be able to run under seven minutes forty five seconds because that was a sign of good health. True this was a sign of good health for teenagers. But there is a part of me that thinks just maybe with the right training. I really can do that and once again that will be a mental victory I can't even imagine. It might shut up the old critic that nags at my thoughts once and for all (or least put a sock in it for a long while :) So that is a future goal. Heck a mile under ten would most likely make me cry. But that means losing weight and getting coordinated and hopefully if I keep my focus on this HealthFULL Journey that is exactly what will happen. The food victory was small but a start. It was a long day at the office and though we had a meal plan in place I just wasn't prepared to stand on my feet and away from my baby boy. So I called up my hubby and told him I was willing to pick up some To Go Food. Not quite fast food, so that's a start. I didn't gorge when I came home from work. It helped that dinner was ready to go. I had a choice of two sides and normally I would pick mashed potatoes especially loaded mashed potatoes. They are such a comfort food, definitely in my top five. (Rounded out by poached eggs the way my mom does with torn up toast my staple when sick, thank goodness hubby has learned how to make them:), Pizza (who doesn't list pizza in their top five comforts), Chinese (a craving, my rebellion food when out on my own, and just yumminess painted by romantic scenes in tv and movies of eating out of the take out containers) and last pasta (a big plate smothered in sauce...ooooh yum). And Cheese doesn't count as a comfort food for me because it is a staple. I don't even count it. Which needs to change. But those are my "home-warming" meals. So the victory was not to reach out for comfort of thick loaded mashed taters but to actually peruse my options. I chose seasonal vegetables and black beans. I adored the black beans! The seasonal vegetables were okay (broccoli with carrot shreds). And though it wasn't the best options hands down, it also wasn't the worst and I am excited that I am looking for options and not settling for comfort and familiarity. This HealthFULL Journey is moving inward so that I can change my outward. May your journey allow you time to reminisce and then encourage you to move forward to see what else is left to discover and conquer. 'Til we meet again. . .

A Perfect TEN! ? ! ?

My food victory today was that I ate ten different vegetables and fruits today. Sound the trumpets, they were delicious and sorely needed. I planned, I followed through and thought I would feel the vitamins instantly energize and heal my ill nutrious ways. However, I never did feel that mineral adrenaline. I actually felt quite the opposite. I was doing so good, applauding myself and patting myself on the back for how good I was eating. And then the afterwork munchies hit. I couldn't be controlled. I am trying this week to avoid potato chips and ice cream. They are comfort snacks for me and I eat both almost daily. So far I am three days in and haven't caved. But that was the goal after work don't eat chips and avoid ice cream (and both are in the house). I even planned a filling snack late in the afternoon so when I get home I don't have to hit the kitchen. And yet after greeting my puppy and letting her out, a quick pet to my cat I was raiding the cupboards. I started with nuts, healthy, high in calories, but have some health benefits. And didn't eat the whole can. Excellent! If only I had stopped. But then I found a new granola bar we bought. So I had one after I convinced myself I don't know if I will want this at work if I don't know what this tastes like. And then onto some pretzel sticks. Seriously!!! I avoided the chips and ice cream but at such a cost. And what is horribly frustrating I don't even think I was hungry. Now it is very easy for me at this point to cancel out today. I messed up so I shouldn't even bother the rest of the day and hopefully start tomorrow. I do that with video games I like to try for perfect scores. But this isn't a game, this is my life and it is a journey. Sometimes I am going to love the path and really enjoy the scenery and there are going to be some tight spots that downright stink. So I reigned in my snacking (after a krispie treat and some banana chips). But done! So I have an eating fest but at least for the most part it was semi healthy. (considering some of my other snack fests - super healthy!). We had a delicious salad for dinner. I am talking about a gourmet big salad. Not just some lettuce, but with some berries, wasabi peas (for that spicy crunch) grilled chicken (gorgeously prepared by my hubby), some orange pepper, and some egg. So yummy!!! And filling! Today's fifteen minutes of movement almost killed me. It's getting late and I just want to go bed. And it is easy to excuse it well I'll double up tomorrow. Or I don't want to wake myself up. Is fifteen minutes going to physically change me. Most likely no. Can a series of fifteen minutes, I am counting on it. But the fifteen minutes of completion is such a mental thing for me. If I excuse it this early in my restart I hate to think how it could avalanche. So I grabbed some tension ropes and fought my way through that fifteen minutes and am proud that I even broke a little sweat. I did it. I didn't throw in the towel. Onwards and hopefully leanwards :) This HealthFULL Journey has some bumpy routes but I know the journey comes with so many rewards, it just is going to take some encouragement, some falls followed by some quick pick-ups, and laughter. May your HealthFULL Journey challenge you but also reward you:) 'Til we meet again :)

Here Wii Go Again

My son started my morning with a nap as his daddy and him had bonded over a bottle early this morning. Fantastic! Nothing gets me moving faster than my son's naps. It helps me an indecisive person make quick decisions and rank my priorities. It's like that game Hot Potato you never know when the music is going to stop. I need to move quickly because he could decide to take a twenty minute nap or an hour maybe if I am two (which is like gold , beautiful but very rare!) I decided to knock my fifteen minute workout early. I dusted off the Wii and got to work. My super friendly joking game informed me it had been two months and that he almost forgot me and then with a joking tone called me by the wrong name. Hardy har har. And then the scale informed me that I had gained six pounds in the last two months. Blech! (a little relief as I thought it Could have been worse, but certainly not great news either.) But onwards to better numbers!!! I took the age test and it ranked me 29 years old and I am 30 so that was kind of nice :) I got a full twenty-two minute workout (including Super Hula Hoop, Kung Fu, and Boxing) when I started to hear stirring from the monitor which was followed quickly by a scream resembling "Hey mom, I'm awake and ready for full attention. TEN HUT LADY!!!! :) But how wonderful any extra movement for the rest of the day is bonus. Today's food victory was a making a menu plan for the next two weeks. Might we have to deviate, possibly. But how freeing it is to have a plan with an entree and at least one veggie planned. This helps with shopping, stops that pointless conversation at night. What's for dinner? I don't know what do you want for dinner...and this conversation either continues several rounds but too often ends with a run to a carry-out/fast food establishment or picking up the phone for delivery. (And very few veggies enter our home this way. I'm not saying you can't get veggies, I'm saying we don't get veggies.) This also helps to focus on bringing healthy food into the house and less junk. I'm excited. It is so much easier for me to cook when I know ahead of time what we are eating. I say I because I rarely stray into the kitchen to actually fix a "real" meal. I truly am the queen of snacking if I wasn't married to such a fabulous man I would be living off of toast and cereal. Not that I don't like to cook. And obviously I love food. Occasionally I can create some tasty meals but I get overloaded when I am in the kitchen. Maybe, I don't make meals, I make feasts. When in the middle of preparation I don't think there is enough food and start adding and then in that middle of the new feast. I become overwhelmed. Being armed with a plan I can go into the kitchen prepare a simple meal (as there is no need to second guess as my husband and I have already agreed to these ideas) and get out. It may sound like I am entering a warzone because in a way I do view the kitchen as one. I have lost many battles in that room; temptation, chaos, guilt, shame, mania, gorgefests, and boredom. But no more, I now hope to view that room as the heart to our hearth where we find nutrition, celebration, adventure, and comfort. This HealthFULL Journey has many twists, turns, and revelations. I have been carrying so much armor to hide my weight. No probably a more truthful statement is that I have been wearing my weight as my armor. And this time on the journey I am starting to feel the chinks and hear the pops of the loosening joint. Hoping those sounds are the start to really letting go of this heavy burden. May you Fully Understand Life by Living and find your haven to retreat when time but also to find strength to move forward. 'Til we meet again.

Glistening

That's right y'all, I sweated today, not poured buckets but definitely broke the moisture barrier on my forehead. While my sweet lil' potato took a nap I popped in a Yoga DVD. We started with the "Basics". Have you ever followed/watched an exercise DVD, they hide the beginner's "trainer/example" in the back. So that you have to look past the trainer who is in perfect condition, who can do the exercises in their sleep and look flawless. While I am huffing, puffing, feeling a fool (even if it is in my living room, I hear the dog and the cat chuckling). I hurl insults and sarcastic remarks at the trainer and sometimes she responds accordingly and encouragingly but usually it feels like a personal mocking. But then you realize she started imperfectly (or at least you can tell yourself that) and that with practice (more than just the initial watching of the DVD that is guaranteed to change my life) can actually accomplish these poses. So I huffed and glistened my way through the whole DVD. I am fantastic at Mountain Pose! (For you non-yogis it means standing still and balanced). I enjoy the cat pose, it's freeing as you arch your back and stretch your neck. But downward dog is not my friend!!!! I even have a spiffy new Yoga Stretch band to ease my body into some of these yoga positions that my body cannot quite manipulate on it's own. This set has three DVDs (Beginner, Intermediate, and Advanced). The Intermediate and the Advanced remain wrapped in their Cellophane (I have had this DVD set for 6+ years.) I have hopes of cracking into those upper DVDs after a few more sessions as a Beginner. Sometimes I try to do too much, prove to myself I am not that out of shape. It's like if I could complete the hardest pose than I am still in good shape with some extra meat on the bones. But it is just another way to live in denial. Because if it doesn't work, I put down the activity or remind myself that the person performing the activity was either born with an increased talent or has been practicing a decade plus. And has nothing to do with my out of shape self. I like to believe in the impossible but don't want to have to prove it or have it not proven because of my actions. It's how I end up stuck because if I move it proves or disproves my "fantasy", my ideas. I'd rather believe the dream then curse the reality. But without action the dream can never come true and the reality feels like I am stuck in a big ol' puddle of mud. But day by day I am trying to step out of the mud and get closer to the dream. Today's food victory may sound strange, but I didn't graze. And the true part of this victory is I was home all day. The days I spend in the house tends to be a permission for me to stuff my face all day long and the real kicker is without me even noticing. My worst time to graze is when I am preparing a meal. I literally had my lunch in the microwave heating up and I was digging through the cupboards to find what could I munch on while my food is heating up. I couldn't wait fifty five seconds to eat. How ridiculous is that? And it was like a lightbulb went off. My husband always/often jokes with me that we are about to eat. That fifteen minute warning churns my brain and triggers my appetite. I'm like Pavlov's dog on steroids. Food incoming, must eat IMMEDIATELY!!! I slammed the cupboard doors shut and told myself I can just wait. And once again I survived. It is becoming easier and easier to realize how some of these extra pounds might have arrived. And slowly I hope to find the sources of where I found my extra weight so that I can return the pounds with appreciation:) It's not easy to push oneself. But it is easier with my simple rules. Once I feel they are habits (3 - 6 weeks I have heard) I can start to concentrate on more specific terms. But these simple generalities have already had me save a pound's worth of calories (if not more) and I have "moved/exercised" an extra 105 minutes in the last three days. Baby steps out of the mud and hopefully one step closer to a dream coming true. This HealthFULL Journey is an interesting one, I can't wait to discover what more is awaiting on it. May your journey include some glistening and very little mud. 'Til we meet again. . .

Day 2 and not as gung ho as Day 1!

The weather was shining and another perfect day for a walk but I ignored the beauty as my stomach churned off the craving temptations. Do you have a vice? To not be outdone I have maybe a gazillion, but when you "NEED" so many items it is no longer a vice or even the delightful treat it is a tornado of bad news. I have a pretty good imagination and with a simple wiggle of a thought it can grip my entire body, salivating my tongue, filling my head with such enticing images that advertisers would hire me in an instant if they could see, a stomach churning and only the item of desire can stop it. Everything and anything else will taste like sawdust in comparison. I had two gripping my taste buds. Let's say a fish fella from Dickey M's and a Big Caramel Frappoo from Barstucks. I know some people would say, really? Who could crave that. I do , a lot! The Barstucks pick me up has became a Friday tradition for me. My way of patting myself on the back for ....completing the week? It's the adult version of chocolate milk after school/work in my opinion. I convince myself that I just "need" that little pick me up to have that extra burst of energy to get so much accomplished. But let's be honest. One I don't really savor the flavor because I am so thirsty and down it before my tastebuds are even awake. And two, a small black coffee is going to give me a bigger boost than the fatty cream and sweet sugar. But I am so good in my imagination that I trounce logic with my beauty shots of that icy foamy goodness. And why go small when for a dollar I can double the size. Bargain shopping and satisfying a craving - winner!!! And Dickey M's is another childhood memory. The salty, greasy bites with a little sweetness has filled my belly quite numerous times. But I don't stop at one sandwich...Oh no! I am a girl who likes variety, so I grab a burger (with cheese, because otherwise what's the point?), and my chicken buddies because than I can dip in sauce (I love sauce combos). And again then the bargain shopping is it cheaper to add a drink and fries, by making it a combo? No because you're spending more. But fries can easily be sneaked while driving and when they're hot and obviously I'm hungry I have ordered almost three meals. And then the drink is free so that is a waste even though I really want to Barstucks because they're beverage is so much more satisfying when the craving monster is lurking on the tongue and partying in the tummy. Writing this I am trying to keep a sense of humor. But yes I have ordered three sandwiches and ate them at one sitting while washing them down with a big soda. (Quite a bit at my heaviest, at least the stops have became almost rare). I also have stopped at two fast food chains for one meal for just myself. But here is the real downer. I have myself so hyped up to fulfill this craving than I bite into these yummy heavenly "snacks" and 99% of the time. The bite never meets the expectation. The food is cold, the tartar sauce is not a dollop but a sea of sauce overtaking the sandwich, the bun is stale, heaven forbid the sauce was forgotten or the order incomplete (isn't that awful!) and on and on. Now there is that one percent chance that the food really hits that perfect spot which builds credibility for the cravings. It's rare, it's like playing the lottery, you know the odds are horrible but yet there is that magic illusion that perfection could be reached and so you owe it to yourself to at least try. But here is the food victory...I didn't stop at either place. My craving went unaswered and here's the clincher, I survived. It turns out I really didn't NEED the fish fella nor the Big Caramel Frappoo, it turns out I just wanted them and I don't really know why. And for exercise of fifteen minutes. It took two hours to muster the energy and motivation to walk/dance around my house for fifteen minutes with my son (cardio and strength training - such a multi-tasker :) while watching tv. I didn't work up a downpour of sweat but I did increase my heart rate and it was an improvement over lounging in the recliner feeling guilty that I don't have enough time in my day to excercise/move for fifteen minutes (Notice I wrote that it took two hours to achieve motivation. Don't get me wrong I wasn't lounging those two full hours as I was getting household tasks done too.)It really is finding that push to move forward and step up my game. Fully Understand Life by Living isn't about always being super-excited to achieve maximum performance. Sometimes pushing through the mucky murky feelings is as good as it gets. But enough drags through the muck will reach that end result of treasured happiness, even if it is just the joy of being out of the muck. May the HealthFULL Journey have more joyful accomplishments but the satisfaction that sometimes getting through the muck is even more rewarding. 'Til we meet again. . .

Written Goals and Swirling Thoughts

Happy St. Patrick's Day all. I dressed in green, scratched a lottery ticket (but found no pot o Gold nor felt the Luck ;) and ate square pizza pieces. How was everyone else's day? Well I had a food victory as I actually ate five different veggies today (mushrooms, cauliflower, lettuce, onions, and sort of a fruit avocado). I have not been eating too many veggies/fruit today so it was good to actually get some "real" food in me today. I already feel stronger from the vitamins/minerals coursing through my system. I walked thirty two minutes. Maybe meandered is a better word but it was so much fun. We are having beautiful weather on this day o' green :) I pushed my little one in a stroller who was all smiles (he either was enjoying time with mommy, feeling the fresh air, or experiencing the sun. Perhaps all three.) My little extra bit of exercise not only got me fresh air but extra "quality" time with most of my family as my son was in his stroller and we were face to face and my hubby and I could share about our days and our dog was in sniff heaven. Our cat was enjoying some peace and solitude :) And for my son's smiles, hills aren't so bad. And obviously here I sit typing, so I am three for three on my daily goals. They are a little general at this time. But I feel accomplished and energized. I had no trouble giving my son his bath. Where sometimes after work that sounds like the world's roughest chore and I feel so disorganized, where's the soap? any extra washcloths? grab the cotton balls and the towel snuggler and it feels the list is neverending and I am running around with my head cut off. But after walk in the sunshine saying hello to a few neighbors, I felt like Mary Poppins singing as we gathered the "supplies" for bathtime. Funny how a simple adjustment can change the whole outlook. I have had a million ideas churning in my head on how to get back on track. But in my head the ideas are either easy to sweep away like cobwebs or too much, like a clown with twenty handkerchiefs tied together and it was like I wanted the twentieth scarf but didn't have time to dig out the other 19. So my ideas and goals swirled around and around in my head. Until yesterday it was like write a couple of simple things down. I can do three things. I can make the time to do three things. And by adding extra things to my schedule, it wasn't overwhelming, it eased everything else into place that needed to be done. May your HealthFULL Journey help you organize your priorities as well so that can you reap the blessings of actually doing the activities you want to do. Instead of feeling the guilt of doing a million things and still feeling behind. 'Til we meet again. . .

Half a Thought

Well yesterday's post wasn't completely finished but I guess God and Drew figured it was enough typing from me :) I saved the draft but couldn't figure out how to add, whatever! What the ending should have been is how I complete things half-way. How ironic! I am an ideas person and fear the ending. What if I fail? I am the type of person I would rather owe ya the money than cheat ya out of it. *wink wink* *nudge nudge* Seriously though I need to recommit to this journey and stop being sidetracked by life and more honestly myself. I need a structure as I have this need to please authority and boundaries and the such. But I need baby steps because when I go out with the guns ablazing I end up fizzling out. I need to finish this list but I am afraid if I don't write down my initial goals I will let them fade into the sunset yet another time. 1. I feel I have to blog everyday. This will help me begin to structure a routine. I don't think if it matters if I just write a sentence along the lines that today was not a good day. Another two motivators I hope will include the momentum to seek out opportunities to blog about something interesting (you know along the lines of reality tv. None of us want to watch people be really real and sit around the television every night so they create events and seek out unknown activities to peak other's interest. Nobody wants to read (or live!) a life of daily I accomplished nothing nor did I try to accomplish. How blah! And the main component to why this needs to become daily...I need accountability and to be truthful. It's hard to put on a cheery face and suck it up if I am writing daily. It is pretty easy to manipulate a journey if I blog sporadically. Even the mundane is interesting after a huge break. But it is when I am feeling down or stressed that I need to push through those challenges and continue the journey. When hiding away; it is easier to let time pass and me bury my head in the sand away from challenges. 2. Exercise at least an extra fifteen minutes daily. My goal is to one day get this up to an hour but baby steps. I can spare fifteen minutes extra in a day, a walk, stretching, steps, (even if it is three times in five minute spurts. ) I am trying to think realistically. At least an extra fifteen minutes a day gives me almost two hours a week. And right now that two hours hasn't happened. 3. A food victory daily. I need to get this more specific but for now I am looking for a daily win on the food front. Not finishing a bag of potato chips, defeating a craving by not picking up drive through. As I get myself going on the journey again I need to embrace food as fuel and a tool and stop using it as my crutch and security blanket. So that is my start. Please join me in Fully Understanding Life by Living. I really want my life moments to be FULL. I want my life to be FULL. I want to stop hiding, covering up, and pretending. It isn't going to be easy but it really is now. So here I embark on not a journey to be dabbled in when convenient but a journey to be embraced daily for a lifetime. God bless ya'll and may you find FULLness in every aspect of your life. 'Til we meet again. . .(like tomorrow! :)

It's Time

I am not the world's best timekeeper. I honestly have no concept of time. I tell my husband that I need twenty minutes to finish an assignment for school and an hour has passed and the finish is nowhere in sight. I can wake up two hours earlier than normal and still be late for work. I don't know the real reason but I have guesses. I like "moments". You know when you're watching a movie and the director has added that one look or that one touch that just makes you sigh out loud. Or in a book when you re-read a paragraph and nod that's exactly what the characters would/should do. I catch myself waiting for that perfect moment in my life to begin something, to complete something...to do almost anything. And you know what? Those "moments" don't happen because I was so desperate to time the perfect moment that I let it slip by unknown never feeling that confirmation of perfection. And once the "moment" is passed I feel like I am off the hook. Oh well, it would have been an amazing moment I'll just have to wait for that next opportunity. This makes me a dreamer, a quitter, a liar, and morbidly obese. (I hate that definition , it just makes it sound so...morbid ;)

A dreamer because I am always planning and fantasizing a life that isn't happening. A quitter because I give up the idea if the perfect details are not in place. A liar because I convince myself it's okay that I missed this chance, another chance will come again. And morbidly obese because I allow myself to become comfortable in waiting and not doing. I calm myself with these rationalizations, dreams, lies, fantasies, and allow myself to sit back. This healthfull journey has to be uncomfortable. Not because I love to be uncomfortable, but because comfort is something I know too well. I can't expect different results if I continue to live my same ol' comfortable life.

Oh I have excuses galore right now (I know them by heart as I repeat them daily, almost hourly). I just had a baby. I'm overtired. My schedule is jam packed. I am trying to do to much, I can't do it all. Yadda blah blah blah!

And who am I hurting? Me. I try to justify my actions but it is me who is missing out on my own life. It's me who doesn't want to take pictures with my son because of how I feel about how I look. It's me who at a restaurant calculates which is the better bet a booth where the table and seat may be too close or chairs that might not be so sturdy. It's me carrying what equals a teenager of extra weight or a Miss America. It's me that is missing fun because of the limitations I place on my weight and that I allow my weight to place on me.