How would you spend your last 24 hours?

If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. 

So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.  -- Romans 14:8



 

 

Ho! Ho! Ho! mixed with a little Bah! Humbug! and a teensy bit of "It's the End of the World as We know it!" set to music.  Once again the Christmas season snuck into my life.  I need snow!!! This Southern no snow surrounding plays tricks on my mind that there is loads of extra time.  It is 12-22-12 (and four minutes) as I write this blog.  Which means I am still here and hope the rest of the world is doing as well :) These last couple of days my hubby and I are trying to squeeze in as much of the holiday spirit as we can as most households we have been experiencing colds, bugs, viruses, and just the yucky mean germs.  I have been scrubbing surfaces with one hand and blowing my nose with the other.  And then I looked at the calendar and either the world was supposed to end or I had less than three days to decorate, send out christmas cards, enjoy the holiday, and shop and wrap like there is no tomorrow!  No problem! 

 

We put up our tree while our little two year old slept snugly in his bed and I wish I had taped his reaction.  It was priceless - Speech Therapy is doing wonders as we actually had a spontaneous conversation - a limited vocabulary but he definitely led the topics ;)  And slowly as the week progresses the ornaments are moving farther North on the tree, inch by inch,  I am surprised it is still standing as there is so much weight to the top and none on the bottom :)  I also insisted on Tuesday that we go out and have some Christmas fun and to look at a Christmas Tree festival where local businesses and organizations sponsor and decorate trees.  So many fun themes - my favorites include a snowman, an angel, Wizard of Oz tree, and Special Needs Awareness.  Beautiful and creative and FREE!  What a fun way to find some cheer. 

 

So my question "How would you spend your last 24 hours?" (Obviously assuming you know its your last day.)  This also is predictable around the 12-21-12 date but it was a question I asked my youth Sunday School class last week.  It was my attempt to wrangle in the conversation and facilitate around my point.  However, I was expecting similar answers to mine - something low key with family and friends to just spend time with those we love.  I forgot how teenagers think.  There may or may not have included an answer of peeing off the Eiffel Tower.  And I may or may not have pointed out half your day would be spent traveling encouraging a new answer that only changed the building not the activity.  I also may or may not have had a youth say they would do all of the crazy (good or bad) events they have always wanted to try and spend the last hour in confession to be forgiven.  I appreciated the desire to be absolved but again was looking for time with those we cherish.  But it was their choice and I appreciate their feedback (at least they're talking is the silver lining :)  

 

Also to be fair I was on my third dose of cough medicine mixed with pain relievers/fever reducer and a combination of not such good sleep.  It is hard to be enthusiastic when in the back of your mind you are counting down to climbing back into bed.  But I think that question has hung with me all week.  How do I want to spend my time? I knew the people (my husband and son) and everyone else I love is bonus :)   And though I was 99.9% sure I would see 12-22-12 and many days after I certainly didn't want to miss a special moment with my family.  We have been rushing around like crazy because of the holidays, changes we've made in our household, and just my anxious personality that doesn't want to miss a thing!  My hubby gave me permission the other night as I stood and complained of being overwhelmed.  He gave me permission to just play with my son - to forget the chores/duties/whatever other events were bogging down my spirit.  He encouraged me to have fun and enjoy this precious time.  So today we did.  We admired the tree, we colored, we played fort, we tickled, we giggled, we sung, we ran errands (which got a bit tense) but we brought our dog which pleased my son and puppy to no end :)  And then when my hubby got home we popped some popcorn and watched a Mickey's Twice Upon a Christmas which my son was glued to the television.  He agreed to snuggle because I agreed to sit on the floor.  We then went to a live nativity at our church which is amazing!  My son was so excited to see a real camel.  We then told him he could pet it and he took four steps back shaking his head no!  We walked the town, signed the census, saw the shops, and heard some stories. But at the end we saw the Holy Family and heard the angel's message and then heard my own angel sum up the event with a "hee haw" at the donkey and pointed to the star of Bethlehem - telling us to "Look!" "Look!"  We grabbed a cookie for the road and drove around looking at Christmas Lights.  We all agreed on a house that was both beautifully decorated and gorgeous and Drew's approval to live there.  I am guessing it only costs 1.1 million ;)   Kind of out of the stay at home mom's budget but who knows - miracles happen every day :)  We picked up chinese food on the way home - our bug-a-boo went to bed with no fuss.  It really was the way I would like to spend my last 24 hours -  Creating memories with my loved ones, remembering and honoring my Savior's birth, a little bit of indulgence and dreaming, and feeling warmed by the magic of Christmas (Hope, Love, Joy, Peace).

 

May your HealthFULL Journey leave you Feeling Unbelievable and Loving Life as you ponder, enjoy, and cherish this Christmas Season.  May you know the Reason for the Season and may you feel surrounded by love. 'Til we meet again. . . 



Workin' up a Sweat

 

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit,

who is in you, whom you have received from God? 

You are not your own; you were bought a price. 

Therefore honor God with your body. -- 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

 

 

Can I be honest?  This piece of scripture haunts me.  I have confessed there have been many binges and some more recent than I want to remember let alone admit.  We joke about my downfalls in our home.  The foods that call my name at all hours when in the house and have a direct line to my Sal the Snacker (Chips (no self-control!!! nada - zilch!), Ice Cream (some control but little) and Pop has a hold I can't even describe!) I ban them I invite them I kick these foods out of the house again and there is that one moment of weakness and they move in their brother's wife's cousin's dog's best friend and everyone down the line.  I crave, I rationalize, I promise, I threaten, I ignore, and then I break down.  This can be agonizing.  And then I giggle when someone mentions I forgot to eat today - don't you hate that?  I nod and chuckle as if I am "in" on the joke but I'm giggling because I cannot fathom a day in this world where I would forget a snack let alone a day worth of meals!  I eat out of nervousness I am not 100% sure if that counts as emotional eating.  Because my anxiety can turn any moment into a nervous activity which then gives me permission to chow down.  Today a tongue in cheek confession was made to my husband as we joked about my temptations.  I will eat versions of those items that I don't even like because of what they say to me.  I remember drinking the world's grossest soda - It was blue and the name was something like blue mountain soda sparkling blue this was 10+ years ago.  It tasted like foaming carbonated paint thinner or some other household cleaner - rough stuff.  I believe I finished half a can and that is the only pop in this world I have not finished.  I used to find some diet sodas that tasted like soap but did I buy them more than once.  Why yes I did!  That has to say something - and probably not the nicest  or wisest comment. 

 

So what does this have to do with workin' up a sweat?  Well I recently stopped by the library for rejuvenation into the work-out world.  I started off strong this month promising myself I would do at least thirty minutes of dedicated on purpose working out so that anything extra was just bonus points.  I have dragged out the Wii that passively agressively reminded me that I have not visited in 253 days.  Why thank you Wii for noticing my absence - missed you too!  And then had the audacity to say I've gained 19 pounds in that time.  I guess the Wii Fit did not want me to visit again for another 253 days!  I have bonded again with the Walking DVD where my son believes he is meant to serve as my arm weight as he giggles along with the super peppy coach on the television screen.  Well that gung-ho attitude lasted a whole five days.  Then a couple more passed and I said "Suzy we have to make this work! The weight has to go and more importantly that blood sugar needs to get under control!!!"  I know in the logical world that exercise greatly impacts my blood sugar but when I am being pulled by Sal the Snacker and called by the cravings I leave logic blocked in a corner screaming for help!  Not that logic needs my help but it knows how much I need IT! And Logic wants to desperately help me in those desperate moments!   

 

So I tried to be pro-active and grabbed two DVDs from the library my free resource to dabble in movement.  One is a bellydance DVD which cracks me up (because at my size the belly dances pretty much all the time on its own  its just not quite in the manner people find attractive ;)  and a God inspired Sweating in the Spirit where we pull out the Hymns and the Gospel singers to motivate our movement.  The "coach" or "teacher"  quoted the above line quite often in the DVD.  Every time she said that scripture verse or the mantra " your body is your temple" - I winced.  Which is what we do when we view an action as dangerous or painful.  This wasn't her intention I'm sure.  She meant to be encouraging.  She was smiling and throwing up her arms in Glory to God.  And I was trying to sink into the floor away from God's gaze. 

 

Hmmmm....That kind of reaction deserves a ponder.  I say I want to beautify and strengthen my body, my temple in honor of God.  As a sign of respect!  That kind of thinking leads to work-outs which leads to so many wonderful options.  An instant gift is my son's reaction.  He is his Mommy's biggest cheerleader.  Certain DVD's cause him to giggle and copy mine and the television's instructor's movements.  Sometimes he finds it so delightful and entangles himself around me like a jungle gym when I do "fun" poses.  Such as straddling my legs or arching my back or creating a downward dog sort of pose that he can climb through and interact with me.  I love that!  I love when he discovers a new move or a new opportunity to see life from a new perspective.  These are the good moments when I am on my 'A' game and doing good.  But then I lose my hold on that scripture of empowerment and it becomes a blaming loud alarm as I stuff my face with bowl after bowl of potato chips.  The only growth besides my stomach is that chips at least last two days and not just one :( 

 

Oooh  If only I could hold unto the power of that verse.  That positive encouragement and reminder that fuels me to making good choices worth building up.  Instead of me sweeping it into dark corners as I run away distracted, confused, and blindly numbing myself with foods that clog and slow my journey instead of fueling me into the next stretch of positive growth.  Hmmmmmmm....

 

Day by day, moment by moment I trudge. 

 

Jesus looked at them and said, "with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." --Matthew 19:26 

 

God reach down and help me own the above scripture.  That my body is a temple to serve you to honor you and to always bring glory in your name.  I constantly fail in this area.  I turn away from the responsibility.  I hide my head in guilt and shame to avoid the pain this verse reminds of my failure.  I struggle God because I struggle never because my love for you falters.  Help me to remember to love what you gave me for life, my body and to treat it with respect.  Amen!

 

May your HealthFULL journey hold up a mirror to remind you of the areas where you are strong and where you have grown and a loving reminder of what still could use improvement.  Remember God loves you always where you are - God doesn't wait for you to lose ten pounds or until you can run a marathon.  God loves you right here, right now, and is waiting to hear your heart's desire and to witness ALL of your choices - the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful ;)  'Til we meet again. . . 

To Be Still. . .

Be still and know that I am God. . . . -Psalm 46:10 (NIV -  partial verse)

 

This is not my home ;)  Welcome to the Biltmore Estate Christmas 2008 - Ashville, NC




Shhhh!!!!!! . . . . . .Deeply Breathe In and Long Exhale. Repeat and enjoy this time for one minute.  Wasn't that nice?  It is okay to take time to be quiet in this hurried season.  It helps to remember the REASON for the Season.  In the middle of a Christmas party I took a twenty minute nap.  Well maybe not in the center of the room but quietly snuck out to take in some quiet time.  A lot of news has been moving through my household  - some good, some not so good, and all a little bit stressful and then pour on the activities and schedule of the busy Christmas Season and I thought I was about to lose my mind. 

 

So I took a few moments to sneak out of my brother's house to appreciate the efforts of their entire household (echoed in many households this time of the year) from their decorations, to yummy treats, to beautiful children clad in their Christmas attire, while hosting a cozy festive affair inside their home.  I was without my guys as they were recuperating at home from their little bouts of illness. So it was me, myself, and I and I snuck unto their pool deck out of sight from the bustling household brimming with joy. 

 

It was the perfect moment to be still.  My brother loves Christmas lights - I mean loves them all: Icicles, twinkling, chasing, multi-colored, white lights, big bulbs, little bulbs, nettings, big ol' tacky Christmas blow-ups to a beautiful humble nativity scene removed from all of the over the top brightly colored items.  This scene serves as a great reminder to enjoy the festivities but remember the true REASON we celebrate and to preserve the holiness of the occasion.  Enjoy the treats, exchange the gifts but please take a moment to reflect on that miraculous night of holiness - the birth of our Savior - Emmanuel (God is with us). 

 

So as I said I snuck up the stairs which were high-lighted by multi-colored changing "carrot" lights (affectionately and appropriately described by my niece).  On their pool shed are slowly twinkling white lights that tried to be the death of my brother as he precariously stood on a slanted ladded resting on slanted ground.  Not the first time my brother's extra work benefitted me - he's a pretty good guy I must admit ;)  The air had a nice cool crispness as I settled into a pool chaise to face the white lights and surrounded by the decorated railing of carrot lights (cracks me up because they do look like carrots - how yet again a child's honest perspective daily changes my limited vision).  While resting in the moment enjoying the beautiful lights, the slight breeze nipping at my nose, and the sounds of my nieces and nephews running around with exuberant joy only to stop to welcome more guests - I felt God in the stillness.  It was beautiful.  I felt His warmth, His peace, and His love.  As I snuggle deeper into the chaise I begin to hear Christmas music and was worried for my sanity.  Was I really hearing Christmas carols or imagining them so vividly?  As a chuckle escaped from my lips I recalled that my brother has over the top Christmas decorations one being a tree that stands quite tall and dances/lights up in rhythm to the Christmas carols it emits.  Its a decoration that stands yards above the rest in function, fun, and true Christmas delight :)  

 

But as I sit there alone and just resting in the stillness I recounted all the times that I have enjoyed the quietness and wonder of enjoying Christmas lights and used them as almost a means of healing.  Christmas lights are a good ol' friend that has seen my rough edged kind of memory moments including concussion, break-ups (pre and post), breakdowns, rough illnesses of my own and those I love.  I think the soothing comfort traces back to early childhood as this was one of my favorite family Christmas traditions.  Every year mid-December (usually in honor of my brother's birthday) we would drive around for hours looking at the Christmas decorations surrounding our community.   Of course we had our yearly favorites, we would comment on many new additions those we liked or those we didn't, and we would also be still for minutes upon minutes just soaking up the delightful twinkling decor. 

 

All of this comfort of memories surrounded me with warmth and contentment as my breathing slowed into a deep quiet rhythm, my brain lulled into rest by the quiet stillness, and minutes passed as I enjoyed a Christmas night under the dark sky allowing the Christmas lights to shine even more. 

 

May your HealthFULL Journey be overflowing with joy, fellowship, and fun.  May there also be time to be still, quiet, and resting in the arms of God.  'Til we meet again. . .

Wheezing By. . .

 

The spirit of God has made me, and the breath of the Almighty gives me life. -- Job 33:4

My poor li'l guy.  He's been fighting this cold F-O-R-E-V-E-R.  At least it feels that way.  Its miserable to be the one with a cold but I would HAPPILY take over this cold if it meant my son would be wheeze-free.  Have you ever been winded?  Yes you fit folks might nod that after a marathon it takes a minute to catch your breath.  And those who are not as physically fortunate might understand that a flight of stairs has you gasping.  But what about the miserable toddler who's rocking in a chair with snot dripping down his face and you hear it that horrible vicious rattle.  Now those with untrained ears or untrained eyes might not catch it if the person is more than three feet away.  But my ears and eyes have been honed for decades for the wheeze or to see that slight pull in the chest when it is tight fighting for oxygen.  My family has some history of emphysema, asthma, allergic reactions, and one time included a medical helicopter flying family members out of state.  I suffered some allergy related asthma and battling weight for so long a good jog takes some recovery.  At my heaviest a walk across the living room counted as a marathon :( 

So although I am not a professional  I do have experience to look for the symptoms.  We were warned with our son's prematurity there were some indicators that he would get sick often if exposed and it would go straight to the chest (more specific - bronchioles).  I try hard to not be a complete puddle of a worry-wart especially when it comes to Drew.  I have checked his temperature daily (low-grade) Used wet wash cloths to wipe his nose to keep from becoming chapped (this is a picture from the early onset of this neverending cold!),  and perked my ears every time he has coughed.  They haven't been pleasant sounds but in the last 72 hours the wheeze has snuck into the arena.  We have a nebulizer to try to treat it early and save a trip to the doctor.

However, a two year old toddler turns this simple event into a 10 round wrestling mania event. He's quick, strong, and has a show no mercy mentality.  These events weren't pleasant before to give a breathing treatment.  He would twist his head as I would wrap him in a blanket on my lap and we would rock and either sing favorite songs or turn to our old friend Sesame Street/Mickey Mouse.  WOWSERS!  Things have changed.  It takes a while to get his hands contained within the blanket to stop easy access of grabbing the mask.  Then as both hands are grasping the blanket.  I slowly pinch the material tighter as I reach for the mask and turn on the machine.  Prison outbreaks have been less intensive than my son's moves.   He head butts my chin with the back of his head to distract me with pain which slackens my grip.  He then reaches straigh up with both hands to push apart my arms (total martial art move)  and then disassembles the nebulizer (the hose, the mask, and the cup of medicine so the liquid flies around the chair.  He then jumps down, runs away, screaming as if he was in a horror flick.  All of this within 34 seconds of the ten minute treatment.  Do you know what this means?  He begins another WORSE coughing fit and that we have to do the treatment over.  BOO:(  I'll sum up the second treatment took 64 seconds to accomplish pretty much the same maneuver.  I became slightly smarter but the kid still had the edge by a long shot.  We called that attempt good and have tried two others slightly better but definitely not the whole treatment.

So today in the doctor office as we tried to get an oxygen saturation reading (if you ever have seen the E.T. fingers that lighted clamp on a finger or toe usually does this job.  But to read properly it helps to have stillness.  Have you ever seen a two year old play statue?  They lose - every time! After three seconds! We got a reading not nearly as bad as we expected great sign.  uuuuuuuuuuuuhhhh.
But the doctor still wants to attempt a treatment.  *mommy weeps*  We did ....I was about to write awesome but I am going to tame it down to somewhat acceptable.  Watching toddler olympics in the mirror adds a whole other level of shame attempting to help this child breathe looks ridiculous and somewhat dangerous.  Especially from my side as my child broke free from a full mask covering and started BITING my sweater at the wrist.  Really?  But we got through it - he sounded a lot better which means goody we get to do more treatments.  Actually our doctor (who is fabulous and I wouldn't trade for the world - kind, compassionate, great with children, smart, thorough, and cautious - I appreciate the caution!)  gave us an option of an inhaler.  Kind of sad that is entering our household so early.  Not only does my son wear glasses before the age of two (I was five) but now he has his own inhaler at 2 years old :(  How I pray that he will outgrow this issue!

We have some other medicine and an appointment in a couple of days to check up.  I was hoping that with this medicine we might get some better sleep and I mean WE.  But as we approach the 2 am hour my son has been awake twice already.  Better turn on the coffee I feel it's going to be a long night! 

May your HealthFULL Journey only steal your breath away for those awe-inspiring moments and never as a thief to kill your spirit. ' Til we meet again. . . 

Turn the Page

        You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.  You annoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.  Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. - Psalm 23: 5-6

 

Ahh!  Turn the page - its such an exciting moment for readers.  What turn will the story take?  Are the words leading to something exciting or is it time to take a step back and learn more information?  Is the journey expected? Anticipated? Or thrilling with twists and turns?  And the ending what will I feel when the ending happens?  Some are satisfying - some are plain upsetting and my favorite stories are the one that leave you mesmerized.  These can be biographies or self help or novels and yes...the Bible.  I don't know of anyone who picks up the Bible one day starts at Genesis works through the Old Testament into the New Testament and finishes with Revelation all in one day.  It is actually uncommon for many people to do that with a year.  We like to pick through our favorite books, our familiar passages, and mentally nibble on these scriptures as we contemplate life, ponder our purpose, and wonder about our wandering. 

 

 

The above picture is my actual Bible.  I have other versions and copies of the Bible.  But the actual book pictured?  It's my favorite.  Its stolen - don't worry the first owner has knowledge of this theft and has even given his blessing of its home now being with me (even if it is begrudgingly ;)  I can't tell you all the places this book has traveled but it has seen most of the U.S. from Florida to Alaska and much in-between.  But what would be even more challenging to tell you is - where I've traveled with this HealthFULL Journey. 

 

Some of the days I turn the pages of this book my life dramatically shifts.  Somedays it is my mood - I may come to these verses: lost, confused, bitter, depressed, thrilled,but I walk away confident, encouraged, with purpose, grateful, energized, or somber.  Some readings have led to dramatic results - applying for new jobs, accepting volunteer opportunities, facing school yet again.

 

Yep -That is my new page.  I was reading the 23rd Psalm for a bible study to finish off the week.  Here this Psalm that many of us are familiar and yet this reading had a profound impact as if I was reading it for the first time.  This assignment came right after I received my letter of invitation to seminary to study for my Master of Divinity. I am excited, apprehensive, confident, overwhelmed, and yet when I read these verses - peace from the Holy Spirit just wrapped their arms of comfort and held me.  This book is more than words on a page - it is a Living Breathing Word of today. 

 

I remember one of my first classes from college that opened with two students pairing up and answering a couple of questions.  The first question we were to ask of each other is "What is the Bible?"  I was extremely confident that college would be a breeze as I obviously "knew" the right answer to this question.  I smiled proudly and said "The Bible is the Word of God." Ready to take my bow in delight.  My partner responded something along the lines of  "A book of myths that Christians see as history and use as a manual in their faith".  *Eyebrows raised*  What?!?!? That is not what My Church teaches!  I was ready to raise my hand and tell the professor that my partner was sadly mistaken.  But I realized then that I had a lot to learn in life.  So I did not tattle and began to wrestle with that choice.

 

13 years later I have to confess I still think my answer was the right answer ;)   I just have a lot more reasons to back it up besides my church saying so.  I have that experience of studying, wrestling, reading, pondering, and even the pleasure of just listening to these verses.   Do I know all there is to know about the Bible.  Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!  So everyday I pick it up and Turn the page. . .oh what exciting places we'll go. 

 

May your HealthFULL Journey lead you to places and experiences you couldn't imagine in the past, but appreciate for the future journey, and couldn't even fathom living without them in today's path. May each turn of the page encourage a journey that leaves you Feeling Unbelievable & Loving Life. 'Til we meet again. . .

Sometimes Sleep is a Team Effort

Belle (my dog) and Smokey (my cat) are true Bed Buddies :)

I lie down and sleep; I wake again, for the Lord sustains me. - Psalm 3:5

Oh how sleep eludes me!  I have never been a "good sleeper"minus two times in my life - when I had mono and pregnant.  How I miss those 12 - 14 hour naps ;)  I know in this world there are good sleepers.  My dad was one and my husband is as well.  These men I love blow my mind.  I tell myself I should go to sleep so I can get seven hours of sleep.  That is a pretty long night for me.  Six is average.  I am functionable at five hours.  Ooooh four is pushing it but I will try to rush to bed and yell at myself to fall asleep.  Ouch here comes only three hours available to sleep but still doable.  Oh no Oh no only two 1/2 hours - maybe a power nap will do it for the day.  Nail biter under two hours and under one is it even worth trying? 

That is my typical night before a big day.  And that was before I had the spontaneous alarm clock of a child at two years old.  It's like playing an all too important game of concentration but you really have no idea when the alarm will buzz.  Don't get me wrong I don't just watch the clock tick I attempt to lay down in bed, read, watch tv, send out an e-mail or two, possibly a blog like this entry in hopes to "clear my mind" so that I will stop flip flopping in bed. 

Now here is my  husband's attempt at sleep before a busy day or early morning.  Oh I need to get up at 6:00 am.  At 10:50 p.m. he will announce to me he is going to bed, check on our son, finish little nightly ritual, climb into bed 10:58 p.m. I will keep him up chit chatting for ten to fifteen minutes because there is something about him going to bed that will rip the cord on my thought train.  Sure I have seen him all day and talked several hours but it is in the quiet of that room that I have to ponder life's greatest decisions.  We will officially kiss good night at 11:10 p.m. and he will be asleep by 11:19 p.m. - if that late!!! Come on!!! I sometimes hope his sleeping magic will drift my way if I go to sleep at the exact same time.  I say my prayers including my nightly ritual of the Lord's prayer  since I was seven.  Funny what routines we carry from childhood into adulthood - take note parents these small actions do matter!  And then I just lay there.  Look at the clock, pet my cat, count sheep, flip sides, flip pillow, seek the cool spot with my toes and NADA!!!  My legs jump, I try to clear my thoughts and they just push harder and faster through my thoughts, and the whole time I can hear the ticking of our digital clock.  After 30 minutes (sometimes 20 if I am incredibly jumpy) I get up because I am about to lose my mind!  And to hear the deep breathing of my sleeping husband is like rubbing salt in the insomniac's wound!

And if I could sleep a couple hours straight through a couple of days in a row maybe I could sleep train myself.  But instead my adorable toddler is sleep-training me to be completely unfunctionable for society.  Maybe the kid is a crazy genius who knows a sleepy mommy is a pliable mommy :)

So after a busy Friday ending with a fun hanging of the greens at our church and the possible overactive, overly congested toddler coughing up to the point of disgusting mess on himself (who of course has extra set of clothes), mommy (who does not have an extra set of clothes) and carpeting called it an early evening.  Drew in bed by 8:30 p.m. Mommy in bed by 8:36 p.m.  This is a RARE situation so rare my husband tapped me awake at 8:43 p.m.  "Honey, do you really want to fall asleep now?"  With a quick thought and a possible nod if you count my head hitting the pillow as a way to say I think so - better to get a couple of hours then nothing. 

Someday's you have a stroke of genius.  Mine was that permission and God-granted gift of sleep at 8:30 p.m.  because the spontaneous alarm went off at 2:30 a.m. Ha ha kid I have six hours of sleep in me too!  I will happily meet your challenge this evening and combat you with love, patience, and kindness instead of the groggy whine and plead for sleep even thirty extra minutes.  That's good I had six hours because we were up until 6:30 a.m.  Oh we chatted, I had grabbed a blanket and pillow for a true slumber party.  We petted the dog.  How our dog is such a saint.  This is that teamwork aspect.  She laid down between me and my son in his crib and just let us each take turns petting her.  Wish her actions would trickle down to the cat who for some reason feels a quiet house needs to hear a cat meow every two hours - it's like playing wake the baby roulette.  Except the cat never seems to lose but the house's odds are quite slim to nil.  I changed his diaper, we rocked, we sang, we laughed, We told stories (I have to confess at 3:45 am I did not understand his twenty minute version of something but his lion and him seemed to think it was a roaring good time ;). A little after four I thought he had used up his energy sent out a quick couple of e-mails and then heard the cries - Pumped myself up like a boxing champ and ran into the ring for another ten rounds. Finally I fed him breakfast at 5:30 a.m. toast, cereal, and banana, and some milk.  I enjoyed a bowl of mashed potatoes - close enough.
We watched Disney Junior cartoons which encouraged my son to be up for the day so that was promptly shut off.  Crazy television! 

And yes we both succumbed to sleep for several more hours!  I have to give some thanks to my hubby for not only allowing me to take an early bedtime but took care of all the evening business, straightening kitchen, fixing our child's nightlight that went out, locking doors, and taking care of pets.  My son who was the challenger but also my teammate for sleeping a solid six hours before our nightly shenanigans and then taking quite the morning power nap. God for hearing my prayers that I needed more sleep and allowing me the opportunity to lay down and conk out before 9 p.m.  And my pets especially my puppy with her caring way to allow my son the opportunity to choose a soothing activity like petting her for at least fifteen minutes.   And even the cat for only doing one round of waking the baby roulette.  See in our household it truly is a team effort to catch some ZZZZZzzzzz's

May your HealthFULL Journey allow you the time to rest, to recuperate, and to refresh so that you can continue to make progress in your journey for complete Health and the opportunity to Feel Unbelievable & Love Life. 'Til we meet again. . .

Finally, my tiredness kicked in

Counting our Blessings

Drew you are my biggest blessing on Earth - May you never
know a day without faith, hope, or love!

 I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone— for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. -- 1 Timothy 2:1-2

If you are social media such as Facebook (which HealthFULL Journey has a community page as well as an official website at www.HealthFULLJourney.com )  in November you probably noticed a lot of postings of daily reasons to be grateful as we approached the Thanksgiving Feast. 

These posts are great reminders that with a little extra thought we remember what truly matters in life.  Our family, our friends, our needs being met, our wants being fulfilled, and the chance to pursue our dreams and that no matter what is in the bank account, or the number on the scale, or the bills in the mailbox we can change our attitude and remember why we should be brimming in gratitude.

Wouldn't that be a good thing to do in December?  We get caught up in the hustle and the bustle of the season and sometimes forget the true REASON.  Maybe this month we could list a blessing and a short prayer.  Perhaps we could remind each other that a few seconds or even a few minutes of quiet, to spread goodwill and cheer will help us connect to the true meaning of Christmas. 

Maybe you are not one for public prayer because of various reasons.  Maybe you could perform a random act of kindness as we countdown the days to Christmas.  Gestures to remind people that gifts, carols, plays, parties, decorations, etc. are wonderful demonstrations of love to share the Good News that our Savior is soon to be born.  But not to forget that these are expressions or acts to demonstrate love.  May they not be the bane or deterrent to what is a joyous season. 

Will you join me in remembering to count your blessings and to share the love of Christ through prayers and acts of kindness to share with the world the true Reason for the Season?

May your HealthFULL Journey include too many blessings to count and continue to multiply as you add blessings to the lives around you. 'Til we meet again. . .

Beginning to look like Christmas :)

Christmas 2010 - When our li'l one was still li'l :)

Look, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall name him Emmanuel," which means, "God is with us." --Matthew 1:23

I love that name - "Emmanuel".  That God chose to truly walk among us.  He could have remained on His throne and let us tough it out.  He could have came as an all powerful King but he didn't.  He chose His son to be born a baby.  He chose to show us he cared and would walk with us every step of the way. 

Maybe this is why Christmas is such a precious holiday.  Because babies remind us that life is fragile.  That as humans we truly need relationships - connections to other human beings to survive right from the start.  The commercial push is to start Christmas the instant we wash our Thanksgiving dishes (and certain stores stockpile their Christmas merchandise directly next to their Halloween decor).  I have to admit I to start the Christmas holiday the day after Thanksgiving.  But this is more due to the influence of my family than the stores. 

My family loves Christmas!  We embrace the seriousness, the beauty, the magic, the cheesy factor - oh we embraced it all!!!  The day after Thanksgiving was the haul out the decorations and start what would be most likely a week long project.  There was not a room untouched, or a corner unadorned.  We used to put up at least eight Christmas trees (obviously artificial of all different sizes - but ALL were decorated).   There would be Christmas Carols pouring out of the stereo (but this tradition started in August and would run into February - I may not be able to name a single current recording artist but I can name most Christmas Carols within five notes ;)   You can see the outpour of love for this holiday continued to my brother's household who somehow found a lady who loved Christmas as much as he did.  And my brother takes it a step further not only does he cover every inch of the inside of his house but Clark Griswold eat your heart out on the outside decorations which usually has at least one new purchase  to drive the holiday spirit home.  I've shared I loved this holiday so much it was my wedding theme and I was married in July :) 

Christmas to me obviously is the celebration of my Saviour's birth.  That God chose to truly live among us when He didn't have to but wanted to show His love in a way we could appreciate.  We know He can truly understand our temptations, our triumphs, our challenges because he lived them without sin. Wow! 

Now we all get caught in the drama, the details, the hoopla of the Season but there are so many blessings mixed into the commercial monster of it.  Greeting Cards are a wonderful way to remind people - we care, we think of you, and we wish you the best.  Although I am sure we will not be the only family that takes twenty family shots to pick the one that captures our best group look :)  Gifts are a way to express love in that tangible way some of us need.  That a gift touches upon our thoughts - you are listening, you do know me, and above all you value me.  Money is tight and we get consumed by the advertising and the call to spend and forget it TRULY is the thought that counts.  We go overboard on decorating, shopping, baking, visiting, and all the doing and sometimes forget the being present, forgetting: to listen, to sit still, to hope, to wonder, to wish, to share, or to just be. 

I'm fighting that this weekend I would love to be further on my to - do list with the decorations up, the smell of baking wafting the house, and the Christmas Cards addressed and ready for pick-up.  I am nowhere close to my ideal version of this weekend.  My li'l one is sick, that crazy cold it sounds like so many have.  One minute he seems perfectly toddler healthy, running and giggling, and the next moment cuddling with mommy while wearing new pajamas because the coughing was so harsh that a bath was required :(   So as I reach for a project to begin I hear the coughs and slowly push away the to-do list.  Because if the magic of the holiday is to be available, inviting, and full of wonder then I have to let go of the shoulds, the coulds, the woulds, the ought-to's, and be... Be ready, be available, and to be still. 

May your HealthFULL Journey be one of wonder as we embrace the Christmas Season and more importantly the REASON for the Season.  As your to-do list grows do not be afraid to cross out the extras or the overwhelming gestures and to remember that Simple and Humble is how Our Saviour greeted us, maybe the best way to celebrate Him is in the same way.  'Til we meet again. . .  

Taking Forward Steps

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”--Joshua 1:9

 

Whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!  That's how ideas flip through my thoughts.  I sometimes feel like bees are just buzzing and flitting through ideas.  I get easily excited and therefore pretty easily discouraged.  But sometimes you just get those ideas that clamor for attention.  They pull your nerves and tighten your muscles until attention is paid.  Sometimes these ideas seem so overwhelming.  You sidestep, you run, you hide, you dodge, you plead for these ideas to let go and find a new home.  Someone able, someone eager, someone enthusiastic, someone younger, just someone else would be nice to offer a haven to this craziness.  Finally, you convince yourself it is easier to attempt the first step and be rejected or roadblocked then continue to hear that squeal of the gears crunching together and jamming to a halt as you try to brake the constant whirrrrr! 

 

So I did it. I took the first step forward in what I feel is my life Calling.  I applied to seminary.  Just three years ago I re-applied to college to finish my degree after a seven year hiatus.  I certainly did not think that I would not only finish my B.A. but that I would actually apply to graduate school.  Whew!  It is exhausting to even imagine working towards my Master of Divinity while also chasing after a two year old.  But it's one step at a time, right?

 

I have felt overwhelmed a lot lately.  So to lessen the load I have been trying to put out little fires, de clutter here and there, make a menu, blow off responsibility and read or tinker on the www.HealthFULLJourney.com website, or just grab my son and head outside.  I probably should the last one more.  Once I get stuck in my thoughts it is hard to remember the importance of fresh air and simply changing surroundings can make a huge difference.  Right?  It is easy to get stuck.  Its easy to let those negative thoughts pull you down and crush your spirit. 

 

Tricks, gimmicks, are mental band-aids and sometimes they absolutely do the trick.  Sometimes you just have that snag or scratch that needs a little TLC and is poof all better.  But then occasionally the muck is sticky, thick, and STRONG!  Those situations can only be slightly delayed with a trick of breathing or a visual gimmick of peace.  Those moments when you truly are snagged by the hardening muck needs professional hands. 

 

Whew!  So it has come to that time for me.  It has been three and half years that I have held onto this so unhealthy weight.  There will be phases of great progress and then Whoosh as I slide down the mountain.  There is huge part of me that is ready to clean house and say farewell, but something isn't clicking.  So many wonderful blessings have came into my life and rocked my world in such a fabulous way with so many areas of my health VASTLY improved the physicality just isn't showing as much progress.  So I am going to work a little more on the mental/emotional areas and hopefully will trigger that physical response.  I have decided with some friendly suggestions and encouragement it is time to visit a counselor and deal with that mental storage room that is just crammed with junk.  I believe I have kept that off limits because of the anxiety of being pulled back into horrible replay of those sad memories that we can't quite let go that is full of failure, regrets, embarassment, and just the yuck files of life.  Sure those memories are minimal compared to the blessings in one's life usually until you get trapped in the room with them, face -to-face and then in that instant feel bigger than those monsters of childhood.

 

Just acknowledging that there is those issues to paw through so most can be let go is somewhat healing which leads to taking forward steps.  We can sidestep, skip, crawl, tiptoe, sneak all we want, but none of those actions help to strengthen ourselves or lead to a healthier life on this journey.  So for me to keep Feeling Unbelievable & Loving Life it means taking forward steps.  It means reclaiming confidence in my gifts and abilities.  It means acknowledging mistakes but not attaching them to me as a lifelong anchor.  It also means getting angry, vulnerable, and personal.  Whew!  But it will lead to blessings I truly believe.  Every pound lost adds valuable precious time to share here on Earth with my beautiful son and fabulous hubby and amazing friends and family.  Maybe that's the way to look at the weight loss - an extra tick on the life clock.  Each effort is a positive.  My first task is to drink MORE WATER and less and less soda.  Forward steps.  Sure I have conquered this healthy step several times over but than I slip back into the comfortable pattern of four to five cans of diet soda easily and slowly let go of drinking water habit.  Why is it so easy to backslide a gazillion steps and almost back-breaking to take that one positive forward step?  Especially when we know where we want to go and why! 

 

May your HealthFULL journey be forward moving with few backslides.  It's good to remember your starting point and to be aware of the forward progress that has occurred but be careful not to get stuck in the past by mistakes or by successes for it is the forward steps of today that lead us to the progress of tomorrow.  God's Blessings 'Til we meet again. . . 

 

The questions of Parenthood

Now Sarah said, "God has brought laughter for me; everyone who hears will laugh with me."  --Genesis 21:6 NRSV

The above verse actually references the news of Sarah's upcoming pregnancy in her nineties.  This verse makes me giggle as well, not because of her age but her reaction. I appreciate that she chose to respond with laughter.  I appreciate that reaction because there are many moments of parenthood that you can't help but laugh.   

As you prepare yourself for parenthood one tends to question their beliefs, their actions, their reactions to crazy off the wall dramatic scenarios.  My husband and I had a lot of conversations how we would answer some of the big questions - How many children do we want? Will I breastfeed or bottlefeed?  Will we encourage college?  Is it important for kids to get a job? Do we give them an allowance? If so, what age?  And the list goes on and on? 

And though it seems crazy as you grow your little blueberry to a strawberry to an orange to a full-fledged watermelon you discuss their possible needs of  two days, two years, ten years, and even twenty years into the future.  What you don't question or imagine are the real scenarios and the immediate impending daily pop quiz life will offer with detrimental consequences if answered incorrectly.  Most of those consequences including a bodily fluid of some sort. 

For instance,  as we prepared for parenthood we imagined a daily question would be:

Aren't you the cutest sweetest most perfect little boy ever born ?  And for the most part is asked daily but not nearly asked as often as the following?

WHY?    REALLY?     UMMMMM?   Will you please stop?  PLEASE!?!?!?!

Did you do this?  Can you even reach that?  HOW?

These are some of the more common questions that tend to occur on a daily basis.  This blog topic came from our question of tonight.  One of those questions that I didn't even dream up in my wildest scenarios of raising a child.  But as we asked it tonight took on a certain air of importance and a little bit of true discussion and a few attempts at trial and error.

What is this important question?  Pants or No Pants?  Hmmmmm.   The clock is ticking.  We went with pants.  Our son had worn himself out falling asleep as he held a private lecture for his best friend Lionel and perhaps other stuffed figures in his room.  He did reach out for support from Mom and Dad but after the ninth encore we bid adieu!  So as my husband did one of five nightly checks of our son he whispered "We have a conundrum."  Me acting all smug and replied "Is he asleep on TOP of his blanket?"  A question we have faced numerous times.  He replied "Nooooo....um...*silent beat beat* He has no pants."  UGH!!! Now for some parents with it being late November its a unanimous pants.  But our son has had the hardest time sleeping lately.  Which means mom and dad have not had an easy go at the sleeping.  This phase will pass I realize but we are tired individuals.  Plus our son is such a light sleeper.  We sometimes have to peek from afar as the kid's ability to hear rivals any top-secret sonar equipment out there.  But after discussion we confirmed Pants are better than no pants.  Then we had to discuss best strategy.  Should one lift and one slide pants?  Should one control the whole scene and slide pants over legs stretched out across crib?  I took the reins or the pants and slid.  Uh oh - abort mission.  Kid has scrunched into ball form.  Approach from behind with slight lift.  Stirring stirring - all freeze immediately!  Stop breathing let moment pass.  No eyes thats good - uh oh reaching there is reaching - stand back wait for it - yes grasp of Lionel's paw.  Eyes shut?  Finish sliding pants - flutter blanket - and together hightail out of danger zone. 

It takes teamwork some days to strategize, to laugh, and to question everything and appreciate the answers are never quite what you expect.  I have to confess this need to discuss the random questions we face has been after a week of laughter and many many questions.  Here are a couple of pictures to share what are day truly entails.

Exhibit A:

UMM? Really?
After my son fully dressed jumped into a bathtub filled with water.

Exhibit B: Why yes that is a garbage bag of dirty
diapers and yes those are indeed our truck keys. The
sad part is we didn't even know the keys were missing.
How?

How? Why?


So we continue to live with laughter and the endless amount of questions. We are grateful every day for this journey of parenthood.  But never without a few questions :)

May your HealthFULL Journey lead you with questions but always leave you with some hope, laughter, and a few answers at least every once in awhile :) 'Til we meet again. . .

Jello Elbow

Make me to know your ways, O LORD; teach me your paths.  Lead me in your truth, and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all day long.  --Psalm 25 (NRSV)

 

 

What a day!  But let's rewind to the night before.  I was a nervous wreck.  Jumping bundle of anxiety.  Worry-wart mcgee.  I was crazy to be with last night.  Just further proof that I married a saint.  I clinged to my kid, bothered my cat, hovered over my dog and kept trying to convince my husband I had Jello Elbows.  It is not the easiest thing to describe but you know adrenaline when it's pumping but you aren't doing anything adrenaline worthy (besides running around like a crazy chicken :)  It is pumping but has no release.  As the individual feeling it I feel like I am wiggling like wacky gelatin.  But in the mirror and I am sure my husband's view I'm talking nonsense.  But I felt it and I wanted him to understand that today was going to be a big day.  And that no matter what happened it was going to leave an impression in my life.  Some days we stumble into a beautiful precious memory or unplanned challenge that leaves a spontaneous scar.  But sometimes we just KNOW that life will be different - whether we force importance on the day, or the day doles out the importance by the bushel - it's a life-changing day. I'm sure we could all count some of those memories. 

 

So what was this huge event that was causing Jello Elbows? Well I was awaiting an introduction of sorts - a two hour interview you may say - or a lengthy discernment process that led up today.  It took roughly 400 miles of driving, four references, 20 rounds of e-mail, five phone calls, 16 pages of writing from my end, plus answering 1000 + questions (between online inventories categorizing personality and psychological traits) and then another 11 pages all to discuss in this two hour time frame.  It was a little mind boggling.  Who was this person I was to meet in such an intense manner?  Myself.  I was nervous as I was to meet with a virtual stranger who pretty much knew my entire life story and not only knew it but was going to share their professional opinion about it.  Kind of nerve-wracking, right?  (Not that this may come as a surprise but with all that information that was gathered it was determined that I do tend to have anxiety - point for me I knew that already :)

 

 

Actually,  nothing came up in the interview that was surprising.  For some of you this might sound redundant as I have literally lived my entire life (all 32 years) with the subject matter.  But I think we all like to hide from some parts of ourselves.  It helps to cope with our daily lives to not remember our phobias, our weaknesses, our frustrations, our wants, our needs, our opinions, our mistakes, our regrets, 24/7. Sometimes, we forget that when we set the problems aside or quickly but tidily sweep our issues under the rug - that they still exist.  Just because they are out of mind does not mean they have disappeared. 

 

Before I started this blog three and 1/2 years ago.  I was really good at dropping the uncomfortable parts of my life, myself, or even those issues that hang around my environment.  Shut off the lights, close the doors, grab the blankets and just train our thoughts to disengage from the "yuck".  Problem is it became easier and easier to step away from "issues/uncomfortableness" until there was little left to lose because I had hidden or pushed everything away.  So really these last three years prepped me for the introduction of who I met today. 

 

Can I tell you a secret?  I kind of liked her.  Oh don't get me wrong - the woman has ISSUES but there is this theme of hope and effort and signs of improvement that might just help stomp out the bigger gnawing annoying pests. There was a tone that was intriguing, almost inviting - that with a little more (lot more - depending on whose scale we're using :)  help; I may actually fulfill my dream of living my life according to God's call by following His truth to do His will.   

 

It's been a battle - not because God wanted to wrestle. Not even because I was ready to rumble.  But because I was scared.  Of what?  I don't even know if I can voice it anymore because in my own ears it sounds ludicrous and yet when you are living in fear surround by fear - it's beyond real and bigger than common sense.  But if you can catch your breath for a moment and truly face whatever imaginary fear lives to chase you and breathe down your neck - it will dissipate almost instantaneously.  Don't give your fears room to breathe and grow because they will happily run away like thieves with hostages.  The fears will multiply to trick and discourage you and will do anything to cause and manipulate your doubt to erase your sight or at least paint the path of hope or a true future a mere inch out of reach. 

 

 

So after years of running, hiding, crying, pouting, I'm walking towards God's path.  I don't know the end of the road or what other paths will tumble to my feet during this time of discernment.  But I am ready for God to teach me the paths. 

 

 

 

 

If you are wondering why you are looking at these plates of grapes.  This is a little trick from I found on Pinterest.com.  that includes - can you guess?  J-E-L-L-O.  Think of them as nature's sour patch kids.  So easy and most everyone enjoys this sweet treet.  You rinse the grapes, don't dry them, and then roll them in jello powder.  It looks prettiest when you match flavors with colors.  (Green grapes with lime, black grapes with black cherry)  They are so pretty and kids LOVE to help.  And if you can wait just an hour to let the grapes become chilled.  Instant snack. 

 

 

I add this grape story because we need to grab fruit from the vine.  And though I complained about my nervous JELLO elbows and called it anxiety.  Just sometimes that anxiety is mistaken for what really is excitement - for anticipation of what will happen next.  Yes, worry can cause Jello Elbows to dissolve in puddles of sticky syrup.  But sometimes those Jello Elbows are ready for a challenge to lead to an unknown treasure that truly shines like royal jewels.

 

May your HealthFULL Journey remind you that yesterday may have been okay, but today is better, and we can look forward to the future with hope and excitement - even if we are stuck with Jello Elbows today :) Feeling Unbelievable & Loving Life - 'Til we meet again. . .

 





Oh Twoodles :)

A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. --John 16:21 NIV

 

 

 

OH Twoodles!  My li'l boy is two years old.  Two years ago I was the calmest and most at peace I have ever been and that is honestly a testimony to the power of prayers.  Two years ago plus a day on November 2, 2010 I was two seconds from discharging myself from the hospital.  I was on day 8 and losing my mind.  The IV was driving me crazy.  The view of my hospital room had me believing the walls were closing in on me.  I was more than a little perturbed with the hospital staff.  I was finished with being a patient.  Either deliver the kid or we'll see ya in a couple of days.  I was tired of being pricked, poked, monitored, vitals checked, data recorded - DONE DONE DONE!  But that following day at the ultra sound where Drew was showing distress and my stats were a little crazy high I would have taken back every mutter of protest.  11 weeks early is too early -  but good thing God was in control and not me.  I joke now that my son was just done cookin'  and you don't want to mess with perfection :)  I called my husband told him to leave work, stop by the house grab comfy clothes and let out our dog and then head on up to the hospital.  I told you I was pretty chill for what was about to unfold.  I had never had any type of surgery and because of his early arrival a C-section wasn't just a possibility it was the only option. 

 

All the stuff I was a fearful of was handled with little to no incident.  Catheter which I feared worse than birds (which for me is the height of fears) was nothing.  The pain from surgery was almost non-existent.  My son's time in the NICU in hindsight was almost as uneventful as possible (sure the forty four days we endured went painstakingly slow and were riddled with nervous hiccups). 

 

And two years later?  I still cry at the stories of those who visit the NICU.  As I hear the beeps and in my mind picture the monitors of lines we stared at for reassurance, hope, and feeling involved with our child's well-being.  But two years later I get to chase after my son who is doing awesome.  We giggle, we sing, we pray, we babble, we cuddle, and we dance - we dance a lot - okay really he dances a lot and I dance some :)  We also curl up and watch MICKEY MOUSE.  I have been a Disney fan for as long as I can remember.  If you enter our house you are most likely to notice my Lion King Plate Collection and this huge Disneyland Poster. 

 

So when it came to a theme for Drew's 2nd I thought it was going to be Elmo and then Mickey Mouse Clubhouse rounded the corner and won the race by a mile.  He loves their opening theme song which we bounce to but it is the closing Hot Dog number where we both get up and shimmy!  We giggle and we dance.  That means for lunch today we offered our family and friends a hot dog lunch.  We tried to keep things simple.  But that is hard for me.  I say it to my husband and he takes that to mean we are going to keep it simple.  And in my head it means I won't rent a circus nor book Cinderella's castle but otherwise everything is fair game.  I have spent many of nights trying to create the perfect decorations.  However, I was still hanging items (and not all got hung) by the time guests started to arrive, nor was I completely dressed, nor had I brushed my hair.  I felt like such a supermom/host - welcome let me go get ready for the party we invited you to.  :( 

 

But as Dr. Seuss said "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." We had a good turn-out - no one went away hungry and the birthday boy napped and played and laughed! 

 

We welcome the two's with trepidation as we say good-bye to the baby years and the toddling because everyday his footing gains sureness, confidence, and speed.  Quickly he leaves his baby steps behind to race unto adulthood.  We also welcome the two's with pride, excitement, and anticipation.  I hear they bring out some terrible facets of growth but I know (and hope) for the terrific twists.

 

May your HealthFULL Journey include a little cake to celebrate those moments that feel they might break you but actually are the moments we laugh about and end up raising our arms in gratitude to a Lord who knows best and showers us with more blessings than we could ever imagine. 

 

   



Because sometimes we get our cake and get to eat it too :)
 Happy Twoodles - 'Til we meet again. . .

 

God is watching . . .

And so am I!!!



No testing has overtaken you that is not common to everyone.  God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength, but with the testing he will also provide the way out so that you  may be able to endure it. ---1 Corinthians 10:13 (NRSV)


Right now I am living my dream.  The crazy part I didn't even know it was my dream.  Sure I have had these off handed pitter patters at similar daydreams but really this time I was caught off-guard.  I thought being a SAHM (stay at home mom) would be boring.  That I would feel like something was lacking.  That my days would seem endless.  That it would be almost too easy. So far from the truth.  I am on day 9 and I am shocked by the challenges, the ease, the fun, and all that I've accomplished and how much more I have left to learn.

I am on a faith journey I never imagined.  I gave up a comfy and as secure job as you can have these days in May to nanny for some of the world's greatest kids.  Knowing it would be only for a summer (though in full honesty I did approach the family to extend the job - can't blame a girl for trying).  I wanted to create the job because it would be convenient for me and hopefully for the family as well.  But mainly I wanted some control on our finances, a solution to the problem of being uncomfortable.  I appreciate the skills of being adaptable and to ability to improvise on the spot.  I applaud the beauty and humor connected to the act of spontaneity.  And once upon a time I believe I possessed those skills or at least could fake it with the best of them.  Maybe it's because I hit the age of 30+, maybe because I am a mom, or maybe I was a control freak all along - but what I know is NOW I appreciate the comfort of plans,lists, and schedules. No job on the horizon was nerve-wracking and wait there is a bottom of the ninth grand slam - knock it out of the park job offer in that famous last minute. 

It was a good job.  It was challenging, it was fun, it was heart-warming, and yet it just did not fit into our life.  And we tried, we pulled, we tucked, we shimmied, we pleaded, we wedged, we crammed, and just no go.  So the only option left was to become a short term SAHM.  We're working out some other options as I begin the candidacy process for ordained ministry.  Perhaps I can look at this blog as training ground for future sermons. 

I've had several people share they wish they could afford this option - the luxury of being a SAHM.  I'm going to be blunt we can't afford this option either.  But on the other hand we couldn't afford not to try this option as well.  I am still looking for jobs I have sent out three resumes this week alone.  (and it's Tuesday).  But it has to be the right job with the right schedule for the right pay.  So we turn it over to God (or at least I'm trying to).  It's hard.  I like disposable income - I'm awesome at spending money.  I spent (oh this is embarassing) $73 at the dollar store in hopes of "saving" money as we prepared for our son's 2nd birthday.  When I confessed this expenditure to my hubby - he laughed and said you bought seventy-tree items? I proudly smiled - I actually bought more *rubs knuckles on shirt*.  So you see budget is not one of my fortes . . .yet!  I'm trying though.  Between sales and coupons we are averaging forty percent savings according to our grocery receipts.

Cooking - I am okay.  Great sous chef with clear explanantion - but hubby and I agreed I needed to take on more responsibility with the title of Head Chef  :(  And as a housekeeper I'm the worst.  If we could afford help - I would fire me! But again I'm trying, I'm learning.  I have to admit though I kind of make an awesome babysitter for my son.  We laugh, we cuddle, and slowly are improving bedtime/naptime.  Think of it as the bunny hop - one hop forward, one hop back and sometimes three forward (really teeny tiny hops forward) - but PROGRESS!  If I ever have to apply for this position I can prove my track record of learning things quickly :) 

So this is why it is a faith journey - because my resume would not get me seen for the position of a SAHM. And if for some reason I was called for an interview - from what I  just wrote; who in their right mind would hire me?  And yet, here I find myself as a SAHM for one more day? For one more week? One more month?  I don't know - I am truly learning to live day by day.  Which is a completely foreign concept for me.  I can't remember the last time I wasn't working for tomorrow.  I need to do this so tomorrow will be better.  And then tomorrow comes and I am working on the next day from the moment I wake up until I go to bed.  But these last nine days I am concerned about today!  Living in today does not just mean taking care of the here and now but to truly embrace it and enjoy it.  Because I don't know when it will be time for the next challenge.  But right now I get to count my blessings - not only do I have God watching over for me but a son truly watching me - EVERYDAY! And a hubby who supports me through it all.

May your HealthFULL Journey serve as your witness of the life you want to lead and not just a sneak peek of what is hopefully, to come.  We all get just the one chance here on Earth, so make it count - because someone is always watching! 'Til we meet again . . .    



 

When the world hits back - BAM!!!

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight. --Proverbs 3:5 NRSV

 

 

 

It's happened to you right?  You're lying on your back in pain, not sure what's happened but all you can see are stars?  Life has hit you smack dab in the face and you just want to crawl under your covers.  Maybe it was a physical assault - a stray board, an accidental elbow, an out of nowhere ball that lands on your schnoz.  Maybe it was a hurtful comment, a stinging insult, an ungrateful reaction. Maybe it was life-changing news - a lost job, a dreadful diagnosis, or a woe wrapped with grief.  Maybe you were at the end of your rope or maybe you were having the time of your life and BAM!  We've all had that moment.  We all handle that first step after BAM! in our own way but the majority of us regardless of how we plan to adjust to the BAM! We tend to tremor with a note of distrust, our confidence is a little lower, our voice is a smidge quieter.  Our world was rocked and we are afraid we can't have it happen again or have vowed to never let it happen again.  So how do we approach that first step? We build our defenses a little bit higher.  We are a bit more cautious with our choices.  Can I give you an example the inspiration for this blog? 

 

Yesterday was a beautiful autumn day here in South Carolina.  Just a touch of a breeze with the sun shining - you could wear a t-shirt as the sun kept you warm or long sleeve and the breeze was just enough to keep you cool.  My son and I were antsy to do something.  We also had another family member who just wanted to be loved - any activity that included the family was great by her - our dog Belle.  Our toddler is in the stage where he has a lot to say and is aware of everything and he is fascinated by our dog.  FASCINATED!!!  So we headed outside to play in the yard.  I chased the dog, Drew chased Belle, and everyone was having a wonderful time.  Well enters the scene is our jealous cat.  He is not a fan of many people nor many activities except for sleeping and eating.  But he heard our giggles and someone's squeals of delights.  So Smokey was checking out the scene looking a tish forlorn with a bit of a scowl as he sat on the other side of the screen door.  Our cat was a northern cat so he isn't an outside cat at all.  Kitties don't live outside in Northern North Dakota or they don't see spring :(  But every once in awhile our cat gets a hankering to check out the world surrounding his house.  So usually I leave the screen door up to keep out bugs (I so DISLIKE bugs).  But seeing this pitiful display I tiptoe to the door to open it if kitty should choose to wander outside and left it wide open.  He isn't really a trusting cat.

 

At this point, I should also mention as my son is aware of the dog he is SUPER aware of the cat.  The dog is my son's comrade, nanny, protector, buddy - you name it they are pretty close.  But the cat has no desire to form this bond.  He sees the boy as an adorable terminator with instructions to destroy kitty.  Probably because my son releases a battle cry and runs full speed after any glance of the cat directly towards him like a missile.  This happened yesterday.  Drew is happily kicking/chasing a ball with me as Belle rests to catch her breath.  Smokey tentatively steps out into the big bad world for seven seconds and then hears the high pitch cry of delight from my son as he charges directly towards the cat.  Of course our cat books it back inside.  I slam the screen door shut to give the cat some space from the overeager toddler.  Well all of this commotion encourages our dog to run around the yard like she is in a crazy puppy Indy 500 Sprint kind of thing and all of a sudden she must just get this overwhelming urge to either check on the cat or desire a drink of water.  Because Belle starts to wind in her top speed race type circles and dashes to the door.  Or a better description would be through the door, except she doesn't make it all the way through the door.   She kind of bounces as the tear screams across our sort of screen door.  Now I let out a combination of a guffaw, yelp for the dog, shriek for the pocketbook, and a gulp of air as I try to figure out how to handle this.  The dog seemed okay though a bit skitterish and I slid the door out of the way.  I decided we had all had enough fun and called in both my son and dog.  My son chose to not enter the door because he thinks the game of chase and retrieve the baby are the most fun games around as he giggles in delight.  He has especially mastered the I'm going to run towards you like requested and get as close as two inches away from where your arms reach and then turn around and run as quickly and as far as I can while I giggle uncontrollably.  I like this game so much more around our house/yard than public places (like libraries, church, grocery stores - we play this game a lot!!!)  I then attempted to bring my dog inside  who is all about coming in after playing for a good bit.  She came close to the door and also abruptly turned around.  I figured she wanted to retrieve the boy and I was all for that as I encouraged her "go get Drew - tell him to come inside!"  My son decided the game wasn't as much fun as I stood by the door and did not join in the pursuit.  Plus he could climb the step inside and that's so much fun.  He enters the house and I expect Belle to trot in so proud as she had shepherded the boy inside.  She nears the door and whimpers.  And takes two steps back.  I wave her in - and get frustrated - get inside so I can close the door.  She again steps forward but stops at the threshold - if you have ever seen a vampire movie.  I swear she was acting if there was a power holding her back. 

 

And there was a power - a power of fear.  How many of us fear the return of our downfall?  A reminder of pain we were uncertain we could survive the first time.  We will do anything to avoid the return of that unspeakable pain, discomfort, helplessness that BAM! knocked us to the ground.  We avoid possible patterns, tell lies to ourselves and those around us, we limit interactions, any item or activity that we can control to alter the same consequences.  My dog refused to let this screen door catch her offguard again.  Another example is my brother in high school before he could drive was riding his bike and hurt his finger pretty badly - quite a few stitches.  It took his finger awhile to heal.  Finally, after the splint was removed he was riding bike his again.  His bike slid on some gravel and so concerned about protecting his healed finger he landed badly on his arm and broke it. 

 

I do not say these alarms to protect ourselves are bad.  Some of the BAMS! are great opportunities to learn but with each pain we lose a little bit of faith, our trust begins to tarnish in response to these hurts.  And sometimes we let the fear of the pain repeating cause us to harm ourselves worse or miss out on the blessings because we are afraid of treading to close to that painful territory.  I tried to prove what I could to the dog that she was safe crossing the enterance.  I stepped outside back inside to show no door.  I clapped my hands in several spots.  But it had to be her that took the step of faith back into our home.  She came close and began to gently and gingerly wave her snout near the entrance, she then leaned into her pose to cross her nose over the boundary, and finally lifted her paw in surrender and climbing into the house.  YAY BELLE!!!

 

And Yay you!  On your HealthFULL Journey you probably have seen your share of BAMs!!!  But give yourself a pat on the back and a round of applause because if you are reading this you have survived each and every one of them.  And maybe you are in the midst of one - First I am sorry that you are hurt or boiling over in anger/frustration -But can I tell you something?  You got this.  You are strong and growing stronger everyday.  And the sooner you surrender the helplessness, the anger, the disappointment, the blame, the shame, or the guilt - the sooner you can begin to heal and take the positive steps forward over that daunting edge; steps that you need, that you crave, and that you deserve!  May your HealthFULL Journey never include a BAM you can't conquer and may you always feel FULL - Feeling Unbelievable and Loving Life while also living a life FULL of Health. 'Til we meet again. . .

 

I share a picture of my puppy Belle in honor of her bravery and reminding me that even we are scared of the world hitting us back we need to move forward in faith with our heart firmly trusting the Lord.