Sniffles

I have not exercised for two days in a row.  I have only missed a total of four days (including these last two) since recommiting to the journey in the middle of March.  I am allowing myself this break due to a stupid cold.  Yes the cold is stupid.  I figured my movement will have to count for the dragging of feet as I transfer myself from recliner to couch to bed.  And I certainly am huffing and puffing as I can only breathe through my mouth (have I said stupid cold!).  How easy it is to take simple pleasures for granted (like breathing through the nose).  In one of my pity moments.  I decided to steal my hubby's soda as the only thing I kept up one hundred percent from my real food experience was not to purchase soda for myself (which is not a moment too soon as 12 packs are over seven dollars in a few grocery stores - that is ridiculous!!!).  I tend to drink diet sodas and though not many calories but then that is just chemicals that I don't particularly need.  And in my pity party I justified the need for flavor.  So I grabbed a can and gulped.  I gulped one hundred forty calories and did not taste a single flavor.  why?  Because of my stupid cold!  How I reach for easy comforts.  And as I have tried to change they no longer offer their familiarity, nor their ease, nor their pleasure.  They no longer are my comforts.  I am changing and my needs and wants should too.  So in this down time from exercise I need to reboot my system and figure out what can be my new comforts, wants, and needs.  If I want to change than everything either changes with me, comes along for the ride, or needs to be forgotten.  It reminds me of a great quote I received many years ago.  I believe the writer is anonymous.

I can't find the quote anywhere.  It was something like:

One must not fear change for it was why one left home to change the world

In other words.  I can't look to change my life and then be shocked that it has changed.

May your healthfull Journey be full of excitement, transformation, and growth.  'Til we meet again. . .

Eating my Words

Do you have a voice?  Do you use it?  I don't always use mine.  Sometimes in my more patient moments I wait more than my turn.  I have had many vehicles honk at me during rush hour as I let other drivers in my/our lane.  I have lost several opportunities at extra treats, momentarily rewards, and "roles" to let others have a chance.  I want to step back so others can step forward.  I try to wait a couple of seconds before I volunteer even when the job is not so glamorous.  I have joked with a few people I make a great vice president or assistant manager.  I don't shy away from responsibility but I don't need the shower of accolades.  Or at least I tell myself this.  Because we all appreciate a pat on the back, recognition for a job well done, or a thank you verbally or sometimes even more touching with a glistening look and a nod of the head. 

I've realized I hate to cause others discomfort and I love to soothe other's aches/agony.  I tell myself this brings pleasure as I tend to feel deep empathy.  By bringing another comfort, I am actually making myself feel better.  Maybe it is the golden rule -  what I do is what I hope someone else will mimic to my benefit.  Maybe I am more selfish than I admit.  Maybe I am too scared to take the extra bit because I can't bear to hear other's disappointments/ critiques.  Whatever the reason is that I have gained a lot of my weight because I don't share my concerns, hurts, worries, disappointments, greed, excitement, anger, desires, and blah blah blah.  Pretty much whatever I voice I filter.  Which is why I try to blog everyday so that I don't have time to edit my choices.  So that I can hit those issues that sit on my nerves. 

I need to speak up so I stop stuffing my face.  So I need to stop swallowing my guilt, my hopes, my hurts, my everything.  I need to reduce the filter, risk exposure by dropping my armor, and speak up.  I can't eat through another bag of potato chips to munch away my frustration.  I can't continue to let pasta soothe my anxieties.  I can't let my reward for all good work be sweets (especially ice cream).  or the raiding of the pantries to overcome boredom. Oh this goal won't happen overnight (this blog alone makes me want to grab some cookies and cheese slices).  But I am aware and need to refocus.  I need better habits to replace these bad and long - lasting routines.  I need to voice my concerns, seek rewards that don't include stuffing my mouth, and realize that I don't have to play second fiddle so someone else can play first. 

May your HealthFULL Journey help you find your voice and a sense of tranquilty in those emotional moments.  'Til we meet again. . .

New work-outs

I like the dvd approach for my daily work - outs.  It is like hiring a private teacher for free (since I pick up my dvds from the public library) for a perfect amount of time of one week.  Then I switch out my two dvds for two new choices.  It gives me something to anticipate.  Something to play with in my mind.  And by learning something new I have to get out of my head for thirty minutes.  I am not agonizing over my to do list, or my rants, or my memories.  I am really in the moment as I try to mimic the instructor's moves.  The other advantage is that it challenges me.  If I was to bum around the house and dance my way through some tunes I find myself quickly repeating the same steps over and over.  By forcing myself to follow the leader I let go of my inhibitions.  Oh I don't want to stretch that way because I feel it.  Its good to feel it.  It means muscles are waking up that have been ignored for too long.  It is fun to start to see some simple changes: for instance my balance on one leg is much stronger, a little more flexibility, and lowering my anxiety.  That''s right, sometimes I want to pull back into my shell and say oh that move is too hard.  I could never do that.  Yeah if I never try than I absolutely will never be able to accomplish it.  And sometimes I can't figure out a particular rhythm or the move just right, but I am successful either way.  Either I will improve my coordination and strength or I learn to "fail".  I learn how important it is to attempt, to try.  And if at the end I couldn't succeed I have a new goal.  Honestly, if i still can't do the move, my attempts are still burning a lot more calories than if I veg out on the couch and flip on the tv.  I also have started to DVR some early morning routines.  I attempted a shimmy class (early belly dancing) and some brazilian sizzle. 

May your HealthFULL journey be enticing, energizing, educating, and encouraging. "Til we meet again. . .

Throwing your hands up like you just don't care!

Ahh the relief of surrender.  It is addicting.  I stress, I wring my hands, my shoulders turn into boulders as the stress locks my upper back, I scream, I cry, I pout, I sulk, Headaches abound, I fret, I chew my nails, I scratch, I whimper, I hysterically laugh, I giggle, I chew gum, and these are just some of the side effects as I try to "perfect" my life and those I consider close.  Half the time, these "stress" activities have no true merit.  They don't make my life any more perfect nor do they usually improve my friends or family's and yet I stress.  Because sometimes, all the fretting, all the effort bring a smile to one's face.  And those unfiltered, grateful, awed looks of true unabashed bliss make all the "stressing" worthwhile.  But after I do these rounds for months, weeks, days, hours (depending on the occasions) I have to just surrender to the moment.  Throw your arms up like you just don't care:  Wave 'em, sing praises to God or plead your guilt, give up, shrug shoulders in the classic "whatever" moment, but just let go of that insanity.  It is good to care, horrible to obsess.  I tend to skip attentive and hit the extreme button for that manic approach.  In the relief moments.  I have time to smell the flowers and count my blessings.  In the crazy ramped up stress pace I can utter only my complaints and whines.  Which version brings more smiles?  Not the perfect, frenetic stressed obsessive personality. (Shocking right?)  But the low key version who has time to play "I'm a little teapot" for twenty minutes and then just giggle with my six month old.  The wife who shrugs and says Pizza sounds divine.  Guests coming over and not running around to mop, vacuum, sweep but chilling to open the door with a true smile and not the gritted deer in headlights look.  There is a lot to say about the more relaxed version.  But watch out for the addiction.  Because it is one thing to take a day off of no blogging, a celebratory meal, or a day of rest from "extra movement".  But a whole 'nother thing when one lets these activities snowball and avalanche. Where it becomes several days of no blogging, a week or two of just eating to fulfill the cravings, and skipping a workout.  That stops being restful/relaxed but a full blown quitter.  Quitting can happen without one even realizing that they shed different parts of their interests.  Like you are traveling with a suitcase bursting at the seams.  But if you have to carry this suitcase every hour of every day - you slowly lighten your load.  Perhaps you share the items at first but then you slowly like the freedom of a lighter suitcase and start throwing items and perhaps just leave the suitcase behind because its empty.  But then you realize a few days later.  You have nothing left for yourself or anything to share.  Because in the excitement to let go of some of your burdens you ran away from everything. 

So the moral of this story is rest but don't give up.  So wave your arms like you don't care but when the song ends get back to work :)

May your Healthfull Journey lead you to a path of blessings including rest and the gift of making someone else's day. It might just be your biggest blessing. 'Til we meet again. . .

Suck it Up, ButterCup

That used to be one of my favorite expressions.  Suck it up Buttercup.  I need to hear these words today.  I have been just been a snapping turtle once again, both verbally and snapping my lips on any snacks I can grab.  I am stress eating.  I have been in the heart of finals freaking out about a paper.  And then the summer freedom.  Oh how I have heard its beckoning call.  I have felt very ..... worthless.  Struggling trying to complete everything and some days just something and other days , to complete anything.  Maybe worthless is the wrong word choice.  A better choice would be not enough.  I feel like I am coming up short as a mom because I have to shirk parent detail to write a paper or take a test.  Trust me cuddling or playing on the floor would be way more fun and much more my choice.  And though I sometimes make this choice because I am human and its the one role I just don't have the heart to muck up one can only write their professors and say life is overwhelming so often.  And then I try to give my son my undivided attention but then I am not being the good wife listening to my husband's stories nor making dinner.  The housework is a sprint I will never catch up it feels.  You've already heard that school certainly hasn't been the priority.  Just running out of hours of the day.  So I am excited to start tis summer with joy when I come home from work as the last paper is done and turned in.  Before finishing I wanted that tranquil feeling of accomplishing tasks that were taking up space in my brain.  So I folded the clothes in the dryer and started unloading the dishwasher.  Everything looked not sparkly.  When all of a sudden I realized that was because the dishwasher was full but hadn't run.  I was ready to spazz (maybe one would actually say I was spazzing).  Which means I had to reload the dishwasher and couldn't start it because the baby's clothes were running through the laundry. This is when I needed the pick me up pointer to suck it up buttercup.  I was freaking out about the littlest thing.  LIfe had gone awry and I wasn't strong enough to deal.  This is when i turn to food and I did.  I was angry, I was frustrated, I was annoyed, I felt sorry for myself that no one knew the troubles I had endured.  I tend to lean towards the dramatic tendency.  I was upset because I had unloaded the dishwasher and then reloaded it.  Was that event really sabotage on my life.  Not really.  But my martyr tendencies built up the facts and blew it out of proportion.  I should have been counting my blessings.  The fact that I have a dishwasher.The fact that I have dishes.  That I had a little boy who smiled through the whole ordeal (he saw the hysterics about the event unlike his mommy) and a hubby who tried to get me to laugh it off.  I blamed the stress of my paper.  But the truth is I was frustrated and I took it inward that affects my outward.  And I swaddled myself in the pity blanket.  So there are times in my life I need to focus and suck it up Buttercup.

May your heathfull journey highlight the true ways and remind you to count your blessings - size doesn't matter!

Grow Baby Grow

What a special day today. And I indulged!!! I loved every minute as my hubby and son made my first official mother's day perfect.  My baby boy and I played and played and played some more.  We enjoyed a family picnic and a little drive through downtown.  and then hit some of my favorite stores.  However I had to squeeze in a work-out late tonight as I had planned to hit the streets with my baby.  I get excited for my son to be "older" and forget how "baby" he still is.  As we were eating our picnic I wanted to share with him but he isn't quite at the eating adult food.  He isn't even passed the bottle stage yet.  I had this day dream fantasy that we would picnic on the grass as he played with/ and in nature.  But he isn't standing or sitting on his own yet.  He still gets overstimulated.  And he isn't a lover of the outside yet or maybe he is and just falls asleep because he is so relaxed.  Please don't think of this as complaining.  My lil' one is perfect and I loved today.  I am just so excited to see how he'll grow.  Will he love sports like his daddy? Will he be theatrical like mommmy?  He is my muse and as he grows more active I hope that will transpire to mommy. 

I feel the blessing of being more active.  I can feel my body able to attempt different movements.  My stamina is building and yet my dream of a picture with my little boy.  I still have lots of work today.  Yes I treated myself today with some of my favorite treats and luxuries.  Life deserves those little pick me ups.  Now I just need to not get caught in the trap.  I deserve this treat because it's monday afternoon.  I deserve dessert three times a day.  I deserve to veg out and finish this bag of chips for the fourth time this week.  The occasional treat absolutely allowed and even encouraged.  It's the onslaught of treats I need to avoid.  Because when I look at a picture I don't want to be shallow and grimace.  I want to see the beautiful little boy who fills my heart with such gratitude.  Baby steps will be what leads us both to success.

So Grow Baby Grow but at your pace.  And mommy will try to keep up.

May your Healthfull journey reflect life's blessings to you.  'Til we meet again. . .

Silence

Haven't we all heard the expression "You know you're comfortable with someone when you can sit in silence?" I can marvel at my son for hours in silence, pet my animals, relax with my hubby, and yet if it is just me. I can't handle the silence. I need to flip on the tv, grab a book; not even in the car can I handle going without the radio or my cell phone. Does that mean I am not comfortable just being me. And honestly the answer is no. I am a stew. I simmer with my emotions - all of them. Sadness, anger, joy and I just let them build and build until I boil over. It's the extremist in me. My poor hubby honestly lives in a musical or a soap opera depending on my mood.



This thought came over me as my son napped this Saturday afternoon. He doesn't tend to nap that long, so once he goes down my sprint begins. I had lunch, two loads of laundry, both bathrooms clean, the floors swept, and now I sit. I am beside myself what to do. He might be sleeping hard because we had a mommy and baby work out. My second DVD for the week was Dance Baby Dance. It wasn't quite the bonding time I had hoped as my son was looking everywhere but mommy for the most part. But I did get to lead and we had lots of snuggle time and who wouldn't love that. After our dance session we did some floor play time. Then a bottle and then nap time.


This HealthFULL Journey has brought a lot of exciting adventures my way, discovering different movements to pursue, different ways to eat and different items to taste, and now it appears the next chapter may be the emotions so that one day I can move or to just be still and quiet.


May your HealthFULL Journey bring you some moments of peace and quiet. 'Til we meet again. . .

"Real"ly finished

Wow ten days are signed, sealed, and delivered.  There were moments I thought this ten day challenge of real food was going to break me (standing overwhelmed in the supermarket after reading label after label, no morning soda, and my go to snacks had but vanished).  I'll do this challenge again as I keep trying to modify my real life on this real food challenge.  It was a huge eye opener.  I don't need three snacks a day, I don't have to have a dessert to fall asleep, and no chips, soda, or ice cream is okay.  I became acutely aware of the difference between overstuffed and full, and felt actual hunger.  That to eat real food takes some prep time and requires actual cooking.  But this is not  a bad thing.  The food tastes better (and looks better).  Also it helps discourage those heapings of calories that come from mindless eating.  If you have to cook and do the dishes to have an extra snack, it cuts down those bored munchings.  Also I have become reacquainted with water.  Your body is seventy percent water and it needs to be replenished to filter through the organs and keep everything in the body working properly.  I can feel the difference.  It's like certain parts of my body are waking up and letting me know when things are in balance or out of whack.  I have had a couple more headaches than I've had in the past several years but again I don't think this is horrible.  Its my body saying, "I need more water and more sleep (I'm in the heart of finals which have included several late nights after the lil' one catches his shut eye and mommy can think without interruption.) and also I believe it is my body's way of saying good bye to the build up of toxins.

Overall this challenge of real food helped in ways that I could have only hoped.  It made me more aware of my choices, reminded me some tricks to keep my choices on the healthier side, and inspired me to cook more.  Which is a plus in my book as well as my hubby's. 

New DVD from the library finally.  I enjoyed Hula so much that I found a DVD from the same instructor and fumbled my way through  "Tahitian Hip Hop".  Ummm, my hips don't lie, because they don't shimmy.  But I am trying to reacquaint myself with my hips that are in their own way shaking the answer "NO!"  I think part of the benefit of picking out new exercises to follow it keeps things interesting but also keeps me involved.  I pay attention because I don't know what is coming next.  One minute I am thinking will I make it to the end and the next minute it is cool-down and I am another movement checked off the to do list.  This Tahitian Hip Hop was a lot more challenging than the Hula.  What I feel in my movements doesn't feel close to what I see the girls on the DVD leading.  But the good thing is an attempt in exercise still burns calories. So I continue to attempt, fumble, and dance my way to cheery success in saying good-bye to the excess.  I FULLy am on board this HealthFULL Journey and am Fully Understanding Life by Living.  It feels good to be part of the living once again.

May your Healthfull Journey engage you, surprise you, and soothe your weary spirit. "Til we meet again. . .

The Difference of a week

I am a week into my ten day challenge of real food.  Maybe I should say the household is seven days into this journey because I certainly am not the only one experiencing the changes.  I was calm this morning and afternoon. The first couple of days I was feeling deprived because I was avoiding chemicals and packages and packages of preservatives.  I was anxious of what would I eat, what could I eat?  I was tense and frenetic because my easy go to comforts were to be forgotten.  And this morning I wasn't consumed by thoughts of food.  There is none of my soda in the house nor has been for a week.  And here I still breathe and yes even function.  There has been moments I have driven to the store close to midnight to stock my fridge or in the middle of the storm to avoid living through the storm without my safety net of soda. 

That's an interesting thought - how many times do I charge into the storm to avoid simply letting the storm pass.  Storms make us nervous, they are unpredictable, can cause damage, and usually change our surroundings.  I do this a lot in my life - if an uncomfortable situation is on the horizon I feel I have to shape the storm;  Loved ones fighting - soothe ruffled feathers, events not happening (monotonous ruts) have to stir things up - sometimes take on the planning, Friends struggling -cheer them on or advise away from the pain.  Some of this sounds good but sometimes we need the storm and have to pray the destruction isn't horrible.  We need the rain to wash away the dust and our messes.  We might need the flash of lightning to see and sometimes we need to hear the thunder to help us find safety in new locations. 

So once again I ran into the storm with this ten day challenge of real food.  And at first I was scared, I was nervous if I could reach it to the end.  But by going through the process for seven days I have a base of knowledge  - what's okay to eat, I know my downfalls, and I feel accomplished.  I made an eggplant casserole with chicken and it gave me confidence.  Not only do we have quite a few more meals.  But I did it.  I cooked with real ingredients, came out with a real winner of a meal (eggplant even my husband enjoyed as I have learned a couple tricks how to prepare it.) And this morning I woke up not all of my thoughts consumed by food.  Actually very little thought about food.  My son went down for a nap and I didn't obsess what I could consume before he awoke.  This is an eerily peaceful feeling.  It's kind of nice and soothing.  It's like I woke up without a sliver in my foot.  That I have had this nagging feeling and was so used to that feeling I was almost numb.  But without this "sliver" I am oddly aware of what is missing.  Kind of strange, but soothing at the same time.

Today's exercise was another run with the Hula DVD.  I realize I really like switching up the DVDs weekly.  I renewed my choices last week as I didn't make it to the library last week and I am ready for something new that will motivate me to get moving. 

May your healthfull journey prepare you for the storms in your life. 'Til we meet again. . .

Quarter to Five

No alarm?  Have you ever experienced that rush of adrenaline in the morning when you awake but it wasn't due to an alarm?  It so rarely happens to me.  I am a self proclaimed night owl and desperately cling to my caffeine filled sodas and my sugar rushes after my alarm blares me awake.  But this morning I woke up at quarter to five.  Which sadly was my hope.  This way I could squeeze in a work out, get ready for work, feed my son, drop him off and still get to work by seven thirty.  And my wish was granted. I go to bed tired.  Because I actually physically work,  I work out for twenty five minutes daily (moved up another five minutes about five days ago.)  And then I actually have energy to run errands and/or get household tasks done.  Or just play with my son or walk with my family.  I truly am reclaiming my life and love that feeling of peace/contentment.  Being content and being comfortable are worlds apart.  Be wary of just being comfortable, comfort tends to  be an illusion.  And one I am trying to avoid.  But contentment I'll take that everyday.  That warm fuzzy feeling when for a moment (or longer if you are especially lucky) you feel all is right with the world. 

So thank you Healthfull Journey for helping me find some extra peace during the week.  For allowing me the chance to be creative in the kitchen as I whip up a casserole with grilled chicken breast (no sauces, no marinades) and beautiful eggplant that I couldn't bear to see go to waste.  Thank you for allowing me some true sleep where I feel enough rest to awake without a blaring alarm.  Thank you for helping me to find enjoyment in movement and variety.  Thank you for feeding me nutrients that help me feel stronger.  And thank you for reminding me to count my blessings, the big and the small.

May your HealthFULL Journey awake you and bless you in surprising ways. 'Til we meet again. . .

Feeling "Real"

It hasn't been easy to find the rhythm to this ten days of Real Food.  I hope in my first rant it didn't turn people away from the challenge.  It is rewarding and a huge eye-opener.  Here I am thinking I am eating tons healthier with a few vices.  But no, a lot of what lines ares shelves is full of preservatives, chemicals, and "enhancers".  Stop the enhancing, just give me the real thing!  I know there will be slipping back into some old patterns within four more days.  That's right over half-way through the challenge.  Some minor slips, some minor permissions on my part, but a radically different diet to my system.  I have definitely consumed more produce and whole grains in the last six days than I probably get in my system in a month. 

I say I am feeling real because we ate a meal that actually resembled one of our favorites: tacos.  Ground Turkey Breast Tacos seasoned with our own spices.  No spice kit here  (and we've been a fan of many!) Our shells were blue ground corn tortillas (only three ingredients!).  A little sour cream, a beautiful avocado, with some black beans and brown rice.  (Usually refried beans and white "chili" rice have been our sides before).  It was filling and good.  Different.  I can start to tell the difference in my taste buds.  I have confessed my diet soda obsession and it is freeing to not have to buy my twelve packs (about 3) every two weeks.  My "need" for sugar is way down.  Which I think my body is responding that I am tired.  This could be a very sad detail to my life if the reason I can't sleep is how much sugar I consume on a daily basis.

I also I would say I am starting to feel more energized.  I don't know if that is the best description, maybe up.  At least I feel I am getting a lot more accomplished in a day.  Yes three days in was hard because it was just overwhelming how many ingredients are in my pantry and not all that sound edible.  So we move forward, bellies full, energy up, and a whole new approach to food. 

May your HealthFULL Journey be exciting, healthy, inspiring, and motivating for you.  'Til we meet again. . .

Marching two by two hurrah hurrah

The turn-out this year for the March for Babies was insane!  And such a beautiful day to hold the event (sunny without being overly hot vs. dreary drizzly last year).  We dragged slowly on the street to near the parking complex for the event.  There was a woman next to our car walking and my mother in law joked how she was going to beat us.  Which made me think, we don't credit our steps enough.  We forget that every journey starts with a step.  That any prize/any goal we have craved and struggled starts with a step.  I wish I could magically be at my perfect weight, healthy as can be and call it a day.  But I'm not, but I do know that I am in a lot better condition today than I was six weeks ago when I was just kicking up the pace on my healthfull journey.  There has been an awful lot of steps from there to here.  Some of the steps big giant ones forward, a couple side steps, and some backpedals.  I get nervous of what is ahead, but also excited.  If you would like to still support the march of dimes efforts you can donate at : www.marchforbabies.org/SuzySullivan.

May your healthfull journey be full of memorable steps, some backpedals, some sidesteps, and many many steps forward.  'Til we meet again. . .