The Broken Umbrella

Oh if my life was a movie this week... cue into the closing scene where a woman walks down the sidewalk in front of her office building with a bounce in her step and a giggle on her lips.  Now if this truly was a movie the woman would be 5' 11" just over a hundred pounds in a gorgeous trench coat- fantastic make-up and perfectly coiffed hair possibly a french twist, mega watt smile with a confident stride and the background a slight sprinkle of rain with a touch of sunlight.  But before we go into the fade back let's really examine the final scene.  Because this blog isn't a movie but about my real  HealthFULL journey on how I can Fully Understand Life by Living which means there are lots of these moments.  Here is the true final scene: A heavy set woman, no make-up, a quick ponytail, an awkward pace to her gait, and a giggle bordering between hysteria or tears, with an open broken umbrella and a gloomy gray sky with spurts of wind. Now the choices that lead into this scene.

Its Monday because this is real life and real life seems to come together harshly this particular time of the week.  We are approaching wintertime here in the South and instead of facing a harsh blizzard we tend to see a lot of drizzly depressing rainy days.  This would be one of those days.  I hate driving the truck in rain.  The accelerator tends to stick when it gets a little chilly and the automatic truck pretends it is a bucking bronco. Not fun!  But as I pull into our parking lot - wait for it I actually have an umbrella on me.  This is news because for seven years of our marriage - my husband and I did not own a single umbrella.  But I now own one that matches my purse.  Fancy I know!  My hubby calls it my little umbrella and I love it...or I did, but I am getting ahead of myself.

Work begins and time passes.  The minutes tick down and the clock is nearing break time.  Oh I so have the Monday blahs.  Its cold out and rainy.  No walk I pout, stomp, and whine I don't wanna.  But don't want to do something doesn't mean I can't.  That I am physically unable.  And I realized that as an adult I can't give into my teenage rebellion or even my child-like tantrum just because I don't feel it.  Sometimes we have to weigh our wants vs. our goals vs. our needs.  I didn't want to walk but after my high blood sugar reading (the highest I have had in over a month) I needed to walk and that my goal is to lead a healthier lifestyle.  Well grab the umbrella because we are going for a walk : sunshine, rain, or snow pull on the tennis shoes we're hitting the pavement.  Did I have other options then walking outside?  Absolutely!  I could have walked the steps in our five story building (they are bit daunting and creepy).  I also could have stretched in my cubicle for fifteen minutes but who wants to create that kind of scene.  No I'll take my cute little umbrella and walk.

It felt good the first break.  There is something about the smell of rain that is energizing as everything is refreshed.  The confidence building as I did something good for myself and I didn't even want to do it.  But I dug deep and accomplished my goal.  Its that first step willing to embrace the activity, isn't it.  I convinced myself go outside.  If you only walk once around the building so be it.  But my body craved movement and once the first step happened it was easier to follow it with 1500 more.  Great first break.

The day continues on and the afternoon break looms before me.  I silently debate my options.  I already had fifteen minutes under my belt.  Do I really have to commit another fifteen in the rain?  Yes because I knew I was working late, when I get home I will be exhausted and on mommy/wife time.   So if I wanted to get my full thirty minutes in for the day this would most likely be my last shot.  Plus it really was refreshing the first break.  Grab my tennis shoes and adorable umbrella one more time.  Hmm...the grayness seems a little darker.  The wind has picked up a little speed and an extra chill as I sink a little deeper into my coat.  One time around the building done.  I am feeling a shot of pride, a bounce in my step as my confidence grows and as I am too busy applauding myself a lot happens.  I notice the wind is picking up my umbrella and flinging it around.  I see one of the spokes has bent and then one final gust pulls the umbrella out of my hand as I simultaneously trip over the sidewalk.  (The same sidewalk that I have walked numerous times all of a sudden has a crack that raises three inches off the ground just enough for my shoe to catch it and stub my toe).  I lose the umbrella to the ground as I stumble three steps forward bracing myself for the inevitable fall and side step my umbrella (I don't want to break it) and the wind carries my friend away into the street into upcoming traffic as I twirl to catch both my balance and in a half-hearted attempt to catch my little umbrella.  I watch in horror as a SUV comes racing down (or driving normal speed)  bee-line towards my umbrella and I wondered if there was any possible way my umbrella could be spared and if not; Can an open umbrella hurt a moving SUV?  There was something child-like as I wanted to race into the street and save my priced possession like a child does their ball.  But miracles of miracles the umbrella is spared.  I grab the umbrella and race to safety.  As I turn the final corner towards my office building.  It was like I was not only in a movie but a cartoon as I look up into my umbrella.  As I gaze upwards one spoke (not the bent one) drops into two pieces.  I try to close the umbrella to see the damage and there is one side that sticks out now with the two pieced spoke and the bent spoke and I do the only thing that seems natural.  I giggle at my blessed misfortune.  Yes I tripped.  I lost my umbrella.  And my umbrella broke.  But I walked for thirty minutes.  I actually had a working umbrella for 28 of those minutes.  My umbrella did not get run over (and I didn't have to pay for any damage towards an expensive looking SUV).  And though I tripped, I didn't fall nor sustain any true injury. Well a little bruise to the pride as I was beginning to think I was all that and a bag of chips.  But a near fall and a broken umbrella bring me back to reality.  So Broken Umbrella thank you for the memories, the lessons, and the humility.

May your HealthFULL Journey be full of opportunities that lift you up and catch you when you fall. 'Til we meet again. . . 

Stupid Pothole!

You've seen 'em.  But have you fallen trap to the potholes in your life?  I am talking figuratively and literally here.  It has been two weeks and the real life pothole I hit still haunts me and my car.  With the holiday season I feel I am hitting a lot of potholes.  I have tried to throw on a smile, count my blessings, and hope for better.  But sometimes you need a moment to acknowledge and even yell at the pothole.  The pothole caused me stress in several ways.  I was driving to work early.  Which right there tends to not work in my favor.  We had been told to come in an hour and half late.  I figured I could at least be on time if not a tish early.  I am driving down the interstate.  Go to switch lanes as I am not a right lane driver.  And as I begin to accelerate to switch lanes, I check my blind spot only to turn in enough time to see my car is about to hit a huge pothole.  I have enough time to tense my body and see the pothole but not enough to react.  Ker-PLUNK.  Oh no.  Please Onyx the Smokemobile be okay.  Please.  PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE!  Okay all tires still moving three seconds past the kerplunk.   Maybe just maybe I can breathe normally again.  Oh no here comes the exclamation point light with a loud series of beeps.  This means my car is upset with my choice and needs pronto care.  I have accepted in this world there are three topics that my brain does not compute.  I have accepted and try to avoid the topics.  You can use kindergarten language and I will not comprehend possibly my ignorance, possibly my stubbornness.  Those three topics are : Directions (I married a human compass), Computers(Ironic as I do data entry for my job), and Cars (sad because I have had lots of car problems in my lifetime).  So when my car yells at me.  I pull over on the INTERSTATE.  Because this doesn't happen on a nice quiet suburb street with speed limits of 25 mph.  But where the speed limit is 60 and you know people are passing me at 80 mph easily.  I scoot over my car seat to examine my tires.  What am I looking for?  I have no idea.  A huge gash, I touch the tires firmness, kick a few and climb back into my car to call my husband and cry.  This is how I handle car problems.  I used to call my dad but now with my mature age I call my spouse.  I am thinking of any way in the world he could handle this problem and I could be on my way to work.  In less than a year I have had to call my work and explain my abscence/tardiness on car problems at least three maybe four times.  All true.  But still how understanding can my company be?   But my hubby convinces me to put on my big girl britches and get the car to the tire place.  However with my crying and procrastinating the tire has begun to leak.  I now officially have a flat tire as I find out as I start driving on the interstate.  I beg for the car to hold on.  As I slowly descend on the front driver side.  As I wait at the stop light at the first available exit ramp where the tire place is located I feel my car slowly shift down.  Even a fellow driver lowers his window to offer his expertise that my tire is indeed flat.  I nod with my teary eyes and he thumbs ups me.  Good I am glad our exchange has warranted a thumbs up.  I felt like a hand gesture as well but as I had a death grip on the steering wheel in determined prayer and hope that the car will just last to the car place.  I reach my destination (thank you GPS for your assistance).  I grab my tire consultant.  He escorts me to my car and asks if I was using my spare but he was able to answer his own question.  Thank goodness as my eyes already moisten over with my lack of knowledge.  Did I just hurt my tire which we have a lifetime guarnantee as we have had three nails in the tire issue again in under a year (thanks neighbors for all getting your roofs redone!)  Oh no I damaged two rims pretty severely and as they can't match the rims exactly we might want to purchase four new rims.  Oh goody.  Stupid pothole!  He helps me and in ten days the tires worked well.  I was a little late for work but life went on.  But starting Thanksgiving.  We hear this rubbing, colliding, tumbling sound from the rear tire.  We take it in to the tire shop not once but twice.  The experts hear nothing.  To me and my husband it sounds like we are about to lose the wheel on left handed turns and big bumps in the road.  I could probably drive it to work but I am opting for the older truck (1995 vs 2008).  I don't think work would appreciate a fourth call pertaining to vehichle issues.  And I am not willing to risk my safety on two different interstates with the mystery sound.  Stupid pothole!    So you have hear my literal pothole issue. 

Let's discuss those figurative potholes.  Those food temptations that are too powerful to ignore.  Those emotional triggers that cause rash reactions.  Those stressful issues that overload positive actions.  Those demanding unexpected bills that require as much attention as the routine bills.  And illness that renders daily schedules and lists useless.  I have recently dealt with a cold but what was even more demanding of attention was my son's illness.  My poor li'l guy.  It's official he has dealt with his first illness and it was a doozy.  A rising temp nearing a 104 degrees F (I was terrified as I touched the back of his neck and it burnt my hand), an ear infection, bronchialitis with major congestion and trouble keeping his milk down.  Like I said poor guy.  With my cold and my pothole I was mustering through what I could.  But shut down the world when my son got sick.  He gained my whole attention and everything else faded into the background.  Another pothole. 

Things are improving and thankfully my son is rebounding well.  I have been beating myself up over the backward steps and the non movement forward on my healthfull journey.  Playing the scenarios in my head of different choices I could have made in attempt of missing the potholes.  Sure I could have missed some of them but in return I might have hit others even harder.  I have to remind myself.  The potholes happened. They can't be erased and more will appear.  I can try to swerve but sometimes they can't be avoided.  We have to deal with the repercussions and only once the mess is contained and handled can we press forward once again.  So slowly I am evaluating my position.  How many steps backward did I take?  And how quickly can I get back to the journey? 

May your healthFULL journey contain few potholes.  But when it does I pray that you will gain strength, wisdom, and that you remain as unharmed as possible.  'Til we meet again . . .

Hailing a new "Cab"-bage

Well it has been awhile since our household has tried a new produce.  We've been choosing and purchasing but have planned meals poorly.  So with a zest I declared today was a day I felt like cooking.  This enthusiasm may have come from a week of not eating the healthiest and that yesterday we ate two meals - both purchased although we shopped with a meal plan.  Today I decided to try a lunch with an "asian" flair - with flavors expressing that desire.  We tried our hands at a curried carrot soup with an asian slaw.  Together they sounded good but weren't as yummy as I hoped.  On their own - delicious.  Together - somewhat disconnected.  But let's chat about this yummy slaw.

This is so sad to admit but I have never made a homemade coleslaw.  I have purchased the bagged mix and then made the dressing.  Which is homemade but a ridiculous waste of money.  Also this was a nice change to coleslaw as no mayo was used.  Exciting right?  This was a recipe we found in a cookbook we have and then adapted.  We used our new produce - Napa Cabbage (might also be called Chinese Cabbage).  This might sound exotic but most supermarkets do carry this variety.  It is mostly white with green tips.  The shape is closer to an oval versus the round ball.  It is a milder variety with more tender leaves.  If you are looking for a cabbage wrap or want to eat the leaves raw I would suggest the napa cabbage is slightly sweeter and weaker to the bite. 

Now let's talk about the slaw.  Four veggies make up the base of the slaw - shredded napa cabbage, chopped green onion (or scallions), chopped bell pepper, and shredded carrot (which you would think would bridge this slaw with the carrot soup- flavor-wise).  Then the dressing had a creamy peanut butter base with  a mix of oils and vinegars.  A true vinaigrette tends to follow the ration 3:1.  Three parts of oil to one part of vinegar.  This recipe called for quite a few vinegars and different oils which I encourage everyone to purchase a different flavor when shopping every now and again.  It is a fun, quick way to change meal flavors.  This dressing we used rice vinegar and white wine vinegar (as the original recipe called for rice wine vinegar)toasted sesame oil, vegetable oil, some soy sauce (adds saltiness), brown sugar (sweetness), and then some minced garlic and grated ginger.  We added the sauce (more of a paste - but be careful adding water to loosen the mixture) - rinsed cabbage will share its liquid as the slaw sits and blends its flavors.  The recipe then suggests right before serving adding some chopped peanuts.  We had the peanuts ready and forgot to add.  You need that bite or even the crunch of those crunchy noodles you can buy at the supermarket.  The Napa cabbage is so tender that it lacks that crisp bite that slaws tend to have.  So that extra bite from the peanuts or the crunchy noodles would add that texture.  Because the flavor was delicious.  A great produce find.  This slaw would make an excellent addition to some grilled chicken rolled in a tortilla shell for a chicken slaw wrap.

May your HealthFULL Journey encourage you to step out of your comfort zone and yet still find joy and comfort when on unfamiliar ground.  'Til we meet again. . .

Hippity Hop

Oh that's right I am down with my bad self.  Several mornings I have attempted some Hip Hop.  I love watching those moving contemporary pieces and storied Hip Hop on So You Think You Can Dance.  That piece with Alex and Twitch two seasons ago - hands down the coolest dancing I have ever seen.  I have mentioned my adoration for dancing.  That secretly I believe a dancer hides within my soul - however she has never revealed herself physically.  In my soul I am leaping and popping like nobody's business.  In the physical body I resemble those hippos in tutus from Fantasia.  But on this HealthFULL Journey I am learning just because its not perfect (nor won't ever be perfect) doesn't mean I shouldn't try.  So I hit snooze in the morning until I peek open one eye and say at least ten minutes.  One routine is ten minutes.  I won't feel guilty, I'll feel a little bit of energy and something accomplished.  I tell you a full thirty minute work out sets me up for a great day.  But ten minutes helps me from feeling lost.  So I pop in the Hip Hop DVD and start Hippity Hop.  I say this because I give the moves an extra bounce or full on skip.  This is that unrhythm I mentioned but it is still something. 

Frustration easily sets in as I watch the "instructor"  complete her thirtieth move with a smile and I got lost on the second with my two left feet.  And there is definitely a voice that echoes in my being turn it off and crawl back into bed for these eight delicious minutes.  But there is a smaller voice that cries from my soul their thanks.  No the Russian Ballet won't be calling me soon but there is a part of my soul that rejoices.  And slowly from the inside out and by consistently working out the outside in - I am carving out that joyous dancer.  Hippity hop - crossover, back, crossover, step touch step, and turn around.  As Monica says in an early Friends episode ( a rough paraphrase) - Girl in the back you're doing it(dancing) all wrong.  Monica's response: But at least I'm doing it.   That's my answer too.  At least I'm doing it.

May your HealthFULL Journey transform you inside out and outside in and carve out the version of yourself that you've always wanted.  "Til we meet again. . .

Temptation knocks the door down!

We've all heard the expression that we need to be careful because opportunity only knocks once.  But let me tell you temptation knocks the door down with you behind it.  In other words, temptation does not disappear.  I fell hard this weekend.  First you need to know that I did whip up four dozen cupcakes - two different flavors with two different HOMEMADE frostings for my son's first birthday. My baby is one!!! And yes I still call him my baby - we discussed it and agreed that on the eve of his eighteenth birthday we will discuss if he can still be called my baby boy (and I am pretty sure I will veto his answer :)    We had yellow cake with cream cheese frosting which made our goalpost and then milk chocolate cupcakes with truffle frosting then made up our football (if you caught the colors were black and gold in our version - Geaux Saints and please don't mention the Rams we are still licking our wounds!) Oh this truffle frosting gave me a fight but I saw opportunity and I wasn't going to let my team down.  You are suppose to not stir the mixture (against my better judgement and instinct) after you add the chocolate chunks to whipping cream and let it cool overnight.  The next morning I had cream sitting on top of my seized chocolate.  I could have thrown in the towel but I gave it a go. I reheated my chocolate double boiler style which makes me nervous and melted my chocolate and stirred the mixture together.  Then I cooled the mixing bowl in the freezer.  I tried to whip together my frosting after forty minutes but it needed more time to cool.  I tried again after forty minutes and victory stomp because I had a frosting.  YAY!  I tell you this victory to share my fall.

Temptation is patient and knows you better than you do yourself.  It darts in and out of your daily activities and when you think you are on top of the world it is ready to hammer you down and call you like a long lost siren.  While you are running victory laps it begins to pat you on the back as it keeps pace with your wins.  And then the pats on the back become taps on the shoulder and then a beckoning finger and luring whispers.  Yes we celebrated Halloween - took our son to a mini version of trick or treat (we had to show off his adorableness in his Tigger costume), handed out candy and threw a party which we shopped for tasty ingredients and started to whip up some crowd favorites.  The trick or treat no problem.  When buying candy I chose a more expensive option to keep lower carb candy around in case I was tempted.  But I guffaw at you candy.  Not the least bit interested.  I then whip up four dozen cupcakes not so much as a lick on the finger (and there have been many batters that I have sampled over the years).  I left a couple of cupcakes frostingless as they were legal as a snack - without frosting.  The day of the party I barely nibbled and when dinner came around I cautiously loaded my plate - guessing my best numbers on the carbs being consumed.  Sunday through Thursday - High level of success.  Mmmm Friday hits - little bit of temptation as my delicious frosting calls from the fridge.  I should have thrown out the extra I know. Forget the cake I love frosting.  Give me a corner piece any day - higher frosting ratio.  I have not proudly bought frosting to just eat the frosting.  I know!  So I tell myself one spoonful for a sugar rush - You can stop trying to stifle your laughter because after one spoonful came the second spoonful and soon the third.  Finally the fourth I reminded myself this has a lot of carbs and it was the fifth that I slammed the lid down and shoved the frosting back in the fridge.  Whew not good - but not horrible.  But then I had a leftover plate of the party fare - got to get rid of the leftovers.  I did not count as well as I did Thursday.  Must get away from temptation - friday night babysat and brought cupcakes to give away - invited my mom over saturday and passed off more cupcakes to her house.  So Saturday night we don't want to cook and ordered in - Chinese.  I  enjoy Chinese food especially delivered.  This is my go to order when I get a night all to myself.  Order chinese - turn on a good movie and call it a day.  We avoided deep fried and overtly sweet sauces (which is really the point in my mind - grease plus sweet yum!)  Tried to order with 1/2 way consideration of carbs. Listen to how temptation baits me slowly and then goes in for the kill Sunday.  I didn't even attempt to count carbs. It was a free for all - all day long.  I drank all the diet soda I wanted.  Ate two cupcakes with frosting, some cheese curls with reckless abandon, chinese leftovers, ice cream, and some frosting spoonfuls.  I went bonkers.  And didn't feel so good - physically, mentally, and just overall out of whack.  Slowly I am pulling myself back together.  I was getting to boastful and arrogant.  Blowing on my nails like I got this in the bag.  And slowly creeping back into the world of denial.  Thankfully my blood sugar meter doesn't hold any punches.  My numbers did raise quite a bit but not scary high.  Enough of a visual reminder - STOP in the name of love.  Yes some days it feels hard to live this new lifestyle and sometimes we need a treat.  I refuse A Treat (not ten - twenty, you get the picture).  But in the end.  These choices are for me and what I really want out of life to become truly HealthFULL (Fully understand Life by Living) so that I can enjoy every minute of this life with my beautiful son and amazing hubby.  I am beyond blessed - why would I want to rob myself of this pleasure?  For spoonfuls of frosting?  Never.  In the moment yes it is easy to let temptation sweep into our lives and cause horrible disruption.  But in the big picture if we can just keep a little bit of our clarity it is so easy to stomp out those nagging thoughts, whispering lures, and annoying taps.  Temptation will always be knocking down our doors but we always have the choice to slam the doors right back on them.  Join me in saying good riddance to your annoying pests.

May your HealthFULL Journey be full of knocks of opportunities and that temptation only makes you stronger to say no to those that don't matter and yes to what does. 'Til we meet again. . . 

Squeezing in

So often our lives our overflowing: schedules jam-packed, ever-growing to - do lists, and the overflowing belly which some may call muffintop.  And what's crazy? We do it to ourselves.  We say yes a million times over - we add things to do on our list and we watch as we loosen the belts.  Priorities are an amazing tool.  Sure have a to do list let it be miles long but know when we need to drop the list and live.  When a friend calls, when a baby coughs, when we are falling ill - those are the moments that aren't scheduled but are usually the hours that truly matter.  A lot on our schedules is to help others we say. Or is it our pride?  Is it that we want to be super impressive.  Maybe I shared this before but years ago I had a professor tell me that. I was giving him a million excuses why homework was missing or why I didn't study (the course if you are curious was Greek) and he said that we don't say no because we are too proud.  I think about that a lot.  I like to dress up my reasons as beneficial to those around me.  But I like the accolades and the look of awe when I pull off the amazing -  but that is only the rare occasion.  Usually what happens is not everything can get done and if it is - not very well.  So isn't it better for everyone if I say yes to what really matters?  I thought so.  Health became a big priority.  For October it was center stage and I was rewarded in so many ways. I feel rested.  I feel calmer instead of intense mood swings.  and Energy - oh how I have missed that feeling.  Between the high blood sugar and being a new mom (with an almost one year old - where did that time go???)  I just ran out of steam.   I felt like I had to be perfect and squeeze into the model form of perfect mom, perfect wife, perfect aunt, perfect daughter, perfect friend, perfect worker, and just felt pulled apart. No one else demanded this of me.  No one asked me to be different because I had a child in my life.  Will a child change you?  Absolutely!   But I haven't been adapting to changes but demanding myself to be different.  What is stressing me now?  A cake.  Crazy right?  My son turns one this week and I want to bake him the perfect cake. I'm not really a baker.  He won't remember this birthday but I feel I fail as a mom if I can't create a birthday cake from scratch and mold it into a football or helmet or Drew Brees (we're Saints fans :) And slowly my hubby has talked me off the crazy ledge and bought me cake mixes.  He is encouraging me to make my own frosting if I feel I must create.  But in the end - will I be burned at the stake because I buy frosting.  No.  See here is where I need to mark the priorities on the to - do list.  What is more important to my son.  That I avoid him for four hours stressing over the perfect cake?  (Which he will have a small portion - not understand why I baked it or really what it is).  Or that I cuddle with him and play and sing.  He won't remember either choice.  But I will.  And I know what version will mean more to me. So to those eating the cake I apologize for my lack of perfection.  But I refuse to keep squeezing every perfect detail into my life.  The good news is that when you choose your priorities instead of them running YOU down;  the good stuff happens.  No longer am I squeezing into my jam packed schedule, running myself ragged with to do lists , and less fighting the belt.  I actually fit into most of my clothes in my closet.  This is a fun feat.  There have been six pairs of jeans that I would guiltily look through when pushing the hangers.  I can easily pull on two pair and squeeze into two until an inch away from the last breathbut I am not focusing on the pairs I can only squeeze in.  Priorities help us to remember what truly matters.

May your HealthFULL Journey not be a race that you have to squeeze into the audience just to feel included.  May it be a moment to take in the sights, enjoy what is important, and feel lucky to finally LIVE.  'Til we meet again. . .