My plan vs. God's plan

Many are the plans in the mind of a man,

but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand. --Proverbs 19:21 ESV

 

 Long way to go but I honestly can once again wear clothes from high school as this is my senior jersey from 15 years ago :)

 

For those who have read this blog for awhile you know that I have been working towards a healthier life.  When I started this HealthFULL Journey close to four years ago I figured it would take about a year to fulfill my personal goal to lose a hundred plus pounds as I lived Healthy and began to Finally Understand Life by Living.  Well as I began the journey God opened my heart and my mind and my eyes to how unhealthy I really was.  By focusing on the weight I saw how many areas of my life needed TLC and STAT!  And as I dealt with issues and concerns and rejoined the living the scale only moved slightly (and dramatically up with a complicated pregnancy in 2010.)  Different areas improved and I feel it on the inside no longer am I Finally Understanding and beginning to Live Life but the FULL now on my journey is that I am Feeling Unbelievable & Loving Life.  I am ready to let my outside match the work on the inside.  And the biggest secret I've learned was not to stress about it.  

 

That's right I have started to make progress on the scale and it is that I stopped working so hard.  I am enjoying moments in my life, feeling confident in my choices, and willing to accept, understand, and forgive my choices.  Could I find more time to exercise? Absolutely.  Could I eat healthier? Yeah!  But in the past I would be a slave to doing everything perfect to lose the most weight, in the quickest way possible, earning me imaginary praise from my peers about my amazing willpower, self-discipline, and flawless efforts.  Noticed I said imaginary praise?  Because when you try so hard to be perfect the slip-ups are almost guaranteed and many of them until they become so frustrating and belittling that once again I wave my white flag.  I listen to these non-existent critics and felt bullied constantly turning away from exercise into the loving arms of sweets and salty snacks.  So recently I noticed my "skinny jeans" are actually my comfy jeans these days.  And I jumped on the scale and noticed a little loss. 

 

Which this new development made me analyze what's different as I wasn't specifically overloading my efforts.  And I realized I was making good choices without overwhelming my radar to be perfect and seek every possible good choice I could pick.  I was making realistic strides and following through with little choices. 

 

Here are ten choices that made a difference:

 

 

Exercise:

10. To include my son with at home workouts.  He loves to dance or see people moving to music.  And if he doesn't want to workout - mommy still tries to get at least a couple of minutes in for the day. 

9.  That we seek out fun outdoors.  I am not the best at loving outdoors but I do enjoy a good park or exploration of a new place.  And watching my little one have fun is some of life's best blessings.  It takes the work out of the work out :)

8.  I honestly tried meeting a friend at the gym and you know what - it works.  When we have someone waiting or realize that someone really is going to notice if we miss a workout (or 30 ;)  that motivates us out the door. 

 

Eating:

7.  The more junk food we keep OUT of our homes the less of it we will tend to eat.  Oh sure I am still going through drive thrus but not nearly as many times as I open cupboards in search of those irresistible potato chips.  I am proud to say my laziness outweighs most cravings :) 

6.  So if I eat less junk food by keeping it out of my home.  Wouldn't it make sense that I will eat healthier food if I keep more of it IN my home and the answer is yes.  I still overbuy in hopes of being extra healthy.  But I have to remember I don't have to buy every produce item available.  Baby steps :)

5.  Amazing how a little planning changes our daily/weekly habit of eating.  If we whatever dinner - it includes eating out, or scrounging for easy cravings.  But even a 3 - 5 minute conversation the night before to pull out a protein or prep some veggies during the day increases our chances of eating healthier I would guess a whopping 4 to 1.  It is a lot harder to rationalize a pizza delivery when fish is thawed for dinner with sides that can be ready before the pizza arrives.  It still sometimes happens because there are days that just work out that way but far less when there was that small conversation the night before. 

 

 

Other:

4.  To find distractions that allow the opportunity to engage other senses - Schoolwork was a big one for me to give me the chance to think, to regain confidence as I truly see something followed through and to experience life outside my head/thoughts.

 

3. New environments - my house has a lot of triggers that make me want to eat and food is readily available.  My house also has a lot of comfortable places to be inactive.  Also new environments tend to include more social interaction. which leads to the next positive choice.

 

2. Social interaction - Talking, being, or even avoiding people helps reinforce that relationship connection we all crave as humans.  When we are with others we become more molded to who we are meant to be.  We learn, we observe, and we change as we allow others participation in our daily lives. 

 

1.  and I feel the biggest difference was truly inviting God into my HealthFULL Journey.  I was trying to carry this burden by myself for way too long.  I would make plans by my standards and forgot to seek God's Will.  I feel though I still try to control here and there that I truly have left the baggage at God's Feet.  Which that choice alone feeds confidence into why this attempt is no longer like the others. 

 

The world wants us to focus on ourselves and to get caught up in the worldly standards of beauty, success, power, image, control, and other likewise diversions.  But God seeks our devotion, our complete commitment to serve Him, our faith and our belief in His Son Jesus, and the love for our neighbors.  He wants us to rely on him for the small and the big.  He loves me too much to want me to go my toughest struggles alone. 

 

May your HealthFULL Journey offer you the opportunity to Feel Unbelievable and Love Life.  May you be able to release some of your baggage and burdens by letting go of overplanning and allow God's touch on your daily walk.  'Til we meet again. . .

Responding to the Call

"As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you

to live a life worthy of the calling you have received."-Ephesians 4:1

 

 

 

 

Two months climbing quickly to three since I've shared my journey.  It has been a little crazy. But wonderful. And challenging. And overwhelming.  And blessed.  And awkward. And demanding. And perfect. And joyous.  And rewarding.  And humbling. 

 

 

So much has happened.  I officially finished my first semester of seminary. Completed Disciple 1. Preached. And played with the cute toddler featured above without guilt and overlooked obligations.  Its challenging to be a mom.  Its challenging to be a student.  Its challenging to be a candidate for ordination. And I am blessed with family willing to help especially my amazing husband who supports me always.  But you know the biggest challenge to be human. 

 

Everyday we each are given twenty-four hours to live daily.  We make our to-do lists we feel the weight of our obligations and for the most part try to conquer our lists according to our goals using our strength.  For whatever reason we forget, we hesitate, we don't want to bother God and invite Him to our daily lives.   

 

 

But when we remember to invite God into our daily lives AND ask for His input, His guidance, and His Will - aren't those the best days we live?  On paper I thought it would be awesome to preach my first "truly adult" sermon ( I preached once when I was nineteen but it was all about me and left very little discussion about God) the Sunday after I completed my first semester of seminary.  In reality I had lost my mind. In just under 6 days (because of my gift for procrastination) I had a ten page paper to write plus a presentation on the same topic, two finals to study for, and a sermon to write while still being a full time mom and wife.  Because of God's Grace, child's cooperation, and the gift of help from my entire family all of the work was done.  Humbled beyond recognition I was able to move on with life feeling accomplished and blessed.  And my reward was the opportunity to truly embrace two weeks in the moment.  Usually I carry burdens of guilt, unworthiness, anxiety, and the syllabus for each class in hopes to accomplish work before the procrastination settles in for a nice long stay. 

 

But not these past few weeks.  It was about making those memories with my son.  He still is young and probably won't remember these moments.  But I will and they are opportunities for him to learn, to experience, to move beyond the familiar and escape the talons of comfort.  I once again look for ways to improve my state of health physically so I purposefully looked for opportunities to leave our house and encourage movement.  We visited a lot of parks, the library playroom, and just enjoyed our own backyard.  My sweet boy had the time of his life with giggles and smiles as he got to run and play.  Everyday his communication increases along with his curiosity and wonder.   He is learning empathy.  I received a splinter on my foot while we visited a park and I shouted Ow!  He stopped climbing the slide and ran over to me to check on my "Ow?" He is learning to connect and show affection independently.  I was watching a Yoga video.  He sat down and started to mimic me and the DVD.  There is a point where you are to close your eyes.  and stretch out your hands.  While I shut my eyes briefly he tenderly reached for my hand and held it for 10 seconds.  Which for a toddler might as well of been an hour. Then a little bit later the DVD told us to breathe with an O shaped mouth with eyes closed.  Out of his curiosity he stuck his finger in my mouth.  The first moment of holding hands was beautiful and touching.  The surprise of the finger was awkward and shocking. But regardless that true quality time reminded me of more blessings than I can count that I get to experience in my everyday life. My precious son encourages me to look at life anew. 

 

Isn't that what we all are to embrace?  To seek out opportunities to serve for the glory of God to fulfill His call by living as the best version of ourselves! 

 

May your journey never trap you but encourage you to be still in gratitude for wherever you are called.  May we see beauty in the dust, experience joy in the grumblings, and truly find the path to where we are called.  'Til we meet again. . . 

Feeling Lost

³¹ “‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. ³² But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’” - Luke 15:31-32 NIV (the end of The Parable of the Lost Son)

I have shared directions aren't my thing.  I get distracted. I rely on others to lead me.  And I tell myself its because I am care-free trying to grab the most from life.  That may be true but a really small truth.  I get fearful of endings - I like epic movie closing credits and that last page of a book that you sit and ponder and refuse to speak for at least ten minutes.  But endings to life events, goals, and the passing of loved ones - leaves me a little more than anxious.  So I self-sabotage, or purposefully develop ADD, or just close my eyes and like an ostrich stick my head in the sand in hopes the world will join me and I never have to finish the "project" and actually think of a new phase.  Can you relate to those moments?  Have any worked for you?  I didn't think so but I was hoping :)  So these last couple of weeks have been my turtle withdrawing where life is overwhelming and complicated and I desperately want to fade into my shell.  But I had an ah ha moment that snapped me out of the funk picking up a book and reading a few quick chapters.  You can catch a quote from Next Door Savior by Max Lucado at the end of the blog.  So today I resolved to pick myself up.  The problem is when you gather all the pain, sadness, bitterness like a comforting shawl around your neck it takes a long while to unwind it.  So I did with the help of my counselor.  I cried, she unwound, and I felt pounds lighter leaving her office.  Sometimes those painful triggers hide in the shadows and pounce when you get around to some spring cleaning.  And while we are discussing the theme of "being lost".  I also will share my sin of being a clutter bug.  Well I have a toddler who has too many hiding places for little objects.  I like to think he is just a sweet boy misplacing items or discoving spatial awareness and not the genius mad scientist who likes to torture mommy wasting hours upon hours looking for the daily confiscation.  I remember putting an exercise DVD in the DVD Player and behold it has disappeared.  I looked quite a bit the other day and gave up.  So today I asked my 2 yr old the simple question.  "Where did this DVD go?"  He smiled, giggled, and ran away as guilty as the gingerbread man.  So I lassoed him up and brought him back to the scene of the crime that I was convinced he had committed.  A ha!  He glanced 2 milliseconds at a spot I remember checking.  But I looked more closely and you know what - Sure enough the lost DVD had been found.  I was overjoyed.  I did not need to pay back the library for a lost item.  YAY (victory arms).  And I said out loud "Isn't it amazing how good we feel once we find what we're looking for?"  I'm speaking from experience - it is even more amazing how good it feels to be found when we are the one lost.  Here is a little poem to share where I've been and I imagine more than one or two of you can relate!  

Feeling Lost

Where have I gone?

Mentally I threw in the towel -

I yelled and screamed  - “ I’m done!”

My tears fall and my heart lets out a scary howl.

 

But you didn’t see it.

Perhaps you saw less shimmer

But slowly I felt I was fading bit by bit

Hope felt lost, not even a glimmer.

 

I don’t mean to sound down

But it has felt like a cage of rain

Pouring upon my head causing a frown;

Too much effort, too much pain!

 

Such cruel words (my own) whipping through my mind.

It has been a struggle - no lie!

But finally the world again seems kind.

There is no more overwhelming pressure to cry.

 

I’ve been found!

Can you hear it?

That confident sound;

That it’s time to finally get fit.

 

No more drama!

No more excuses, no more whining!

It’s time to be the mama-

Time to move and eat healthy dining.

 

It isn’t easy to hide this large frame,

But this is life and death;

And not a game.

So starting today let’s move and gasp for breath!

 

I needed that time of being lost.

It makes me realize that this is a blessing to be found,

Time to let the past be past and forget the crazy cost.

Lets hit the ground running and the only loss should be - pound by pound!

 

It has been a challenging time.  I've started seminary, back on full schedule soda after getting down to drinking only water.  Sleep is erratic.  Its the time of Lent which always throws interesting curves.  My husband started a new job which means new routines. A sick toddler.  Plus a lot of other daily little moments, thoughts, triggers, whines, challenges, and even the blessings that can feel just as overwhelming.  I have felt overloaded by no one's doing but my own.  And when you're your own boss its hard to get a second opinion :)  I also haven't had some daily "me" time without guilt or truly devoted "God" time.  Sure I have lots of reasons to read the bible between seminary and church commitments but that's not true "devotion" time at least I don't know how to honor God when I treat it like a checked off item on the to do list.  So Sunday night I picked up a Max Lucado book "Next Door Savior" - I'm a fan of Max Lucado ( if you are going to read any of his books to try my top three include "Just like Jesus", "Cast of Characters" and "Traveling Light" but I haven't found one yet that wasn't a good read with some good bits to really ponder.  But here is a quote that I just read ten minutes after writing the above poem that just seemed to fit.

 

The next door Savior who whispers this word to the owners of empty nets. "Let's try again - this time with me on board."  - Max Lucado in "Next Door Savior" the end of chapter 5 Try Again

 

May your HealthFULL Journey remind you that you are strong, unique, worthy of love, and even if you find yourself lost that someone is always looking for you to be found! ' Til we meet again. . . 

The Unknown

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. --1 Peter 5:7 (NIV)

 

 

 

Well it has been one of those days - weird happenings around every corner, the mysterious knock, the out of blue e-mail, the suprise text, the shocking phone call.  What did all of these events have in common?  They weren't planned.  They were the unknown and for the most part still lead to the unknown.  I have tried to be honest with you the reader; and more importantly myself - that I tend to suffer from anxiety now and then.  It is the main reason I am visiting a counselor to mentally prepare myself to get healthier and find better choices than demolishing a bag of chips or guzzling pop (or soda) can after can everytime the unknown shows up and blankets me with a big ol' case of ANXIETY! 

 

Surprises can be good.  The unknown can lead to wonderful paths of peace, comfort, and be filled with blessings beyond our ability to count.  The unknown can also lead to paths of darkness, pain, fears, and pull us down into despair and worthlessness.  And where do anxious people tend to travel in their imaginations? That's right - speedracing down the scary tumbling route. 

 

Thank goodness God does not reveal tomorrow so that we are not handcuffed today to results of tomorrow based on our decisions in the right here and now.  Oh sure there are times all of us wish a magic 8 ball told the truth or a fortune cookie was a news report instead of a quaint saying.  But the reality is that no one flawlessly predicts the future.  We all live one day at a time though us worriers and type A personalities and control freaks gather as much information and cram it into today to ensure our schedules for tomorrow and the next day and the next week.  Rarely do these techniques return worthy results.  The majority of the time we are left in a state of why did I do all that? Or worry so much?  Or not let go sooner?  Because the unknown terrifies us!

 

Imagine you are in a super dark room with a group of people.  In this group one person has a flashlight and one person has a camera.  The person with a camera thinks it would be super funny to just take a picture in the dark and let the flash blind the room.  Good light? Bad Light?  Good chance the group yells at the picture taker in sarcastic tones of "Thanks for blinding us." "Great now I can't see again!"  "Wonderful I love to be caught off guard with distorted images while in the dark in a huge group of people."  And then the person with the flashlight shines a beam and begins to leave the room?  What happens in this scenario?  People question where they are going.  And several people, if not the majority, will follow to a place where there is light and the opportunity to be more aware. 

 

Because when we are in the unknown and unsure of our footing we seek out comfort, safety, and a place to gain a steady stance.  So when light is offered we are shocked and almost offended by the false hope that distorts our surroundings even more. But when a true beacon of hope is offered we almost can't help ourselves but follow this gift of sight even when we are unsure of where it leads. 

 

The unknown. Like I said several opportunities may or may not be available to us.  We continue to seek God's guidance so that we may follow the lights of hope and aren't blinded by the flashes of distortion. In the unknown/the dark it is easy to feel anxious and alone.  But we have to remember we are never truly alone and God wants us to remove our blankets of doubts, worries, hesitations, and all that we like to hide under when responsibility, opportunity, and extra work appear without guarantees of success.  The unknown: a scary place? a paradise? a launching pad? a temporary landing?  momentary exploration?  Where does the unknown lead you?

 

May your HealthFULL Journey guide you to impossible cliffs, exhilarating ravines, memorable horizons, and fields of peace.  Because a journey means to move from here to the unknown and beyond.  'Til we meet again. . .

Remembering 2012 with the 5 senses

"Salt is good, but if it loses its saltiness, how can you make it salty again? Have salt in yourselves, and be at peace with each other." - Mark 9:50 NIV

 

 

 

Ahhh! 2012 has come and gone but left an imprint of memories based on our five senses.  On facebook I have been sharing a daily gratitude and in Suzy kind of fashion I managed to catch up my last three today.  My final gratitude for the year was my five senses.  As I have been reflecting as most of us do this time of year and am grateful to be over a cold I have been thinking a lot about our abilities to smell, hear, taste (three of the senses usually lost to bad colds) and the sight and touch off-kilter with these crazy super viruses.  So in honor of this line of thinking I wanted to share five of my favorite experiences with each sense to close out 2012.

 

Sight

 

In January, my little boy received his first haircut.  He went from baby to toddler instantly!

I don't think I could give up watching my husband Corey play with Drew.  They have had a special bond since day one and it blesses my heart to pieces. 

 

September brought sight to my Drew.  I hated glasses and started at age five.  My cutie wasn't even two and they suggested it.  We still don't wear them out of the house (Drew still isn't crazy about the touch on his face - loves to wear them but constantly tugging at them.  And if it is possible they make him a touch more adorable :)

 

The gorgeous sunrise to finish out this year was amazing - with the bright pinks and highlights of oranges and golds.  I wish I could paint it - just breathtaking! 

 

The last would have to be my acceptance letter to Seminary.  I was walking with my son and tore open the letter before we got into the house and started crying.  My son starting to pick up other's emotions came running up to me with a lip quiver.  And then to see my husband's reaction to the news after our son passed him the letter.  There are just some moments that leave such an enduring impression you are forever changed. This was one of them :)

 

 

Sound

 

Number one - my son's voice.  Besides my first conversation ever with my husband (May 1998) I would have to say hands down my next favorite conversation was the morning after we put up our Christmas tree this year and my son starting the conversation with a Whoa!

 

VBS at church this past summer was such a special blessing and I got to co-lead music and to hear these children sing nightly for almost a week.  Their voices lifting up praises to God - Awesome! Truly awesome!

 

Another one that happened recently was when we got to light the Advent Candle and Drew let out his excited cheer at the end.  It felt like the "official" start to Advent equivalent to "Let's play ball!"

 

I love to hear the youth/kids discuss a Sunday School lesson or excited over a story in Godly Play.  There is just that warmth from your heart and burst of energy that flows through you as the children's excitement is contagious!

 

My husband's rich baritone voice offering encouragement, support, and the always touching "I love you's".  Nine years and his voice still races my heart, tingles my toes, and the occasional flip-flop of my stomach. 

 

Smell

 

I am not a big sniffer but I will try my best.  This one is going to sound crazy but diapers.  A fresh diaper just lifts my spirit - it means we get to start over all fresh and clean.  I know - crazy but I am a mom to a two year old -  trust me a diaper is like my alarm clock/scheduler.  The smell is highly telling of how my day is going to be :)

 

I love the smell of pumpkins and cinnamon and those warm autumn scents.  Don't get me wrong I appreciate the sweetness and lightness of summer with berries, melons, and citrus.  But I just love the Autumn season and the warmth and coziness of those smells that they bring to the background. 

 

Our house is starting to take on flavor whiffs as we cook more and more at home especially cooking that uses the crockpot creating those simmering wafts of smell that permeate our home from autumn through winter.

 

Play-doh just seems like a good memory smell of this year as I have definitely been more hands on with the younger population - being a full time mommy, which means playdates, being a nanny, an after-school counselor, and working with the children of our church.  That saltiness of Play-doh seems to be under my nose constantly.

 

The antiquated musty book smell as you open a library book as I have been making it more of a point to find books to read for learning as well as pleasure.

 

Taste

 

MMMMMMMMMMMM.  I am recalling the taste of ice-cream as it is one of my favorites.  It also reminds me of one of my favorite days with my nieces and nephews this summer as we learned the importance of Patience!

 

The saltiness of goldfish is very popular this year as my son discovered a love for them, we serve them at our Feast of Godly Play, and other kiddie events. Definitely the taste of goldfish ranks high for 2012.

 

Ahhh I would have to include my greatest find on Pinterest.  Sour Jewels ( grapes rinsed with water - don't dry - and then roll them in jello powder.  It makes a really cool effect if you coordinate colors.  Black cherry with Black grapes and the most popular lime with green grapes.) Super easy!  Kids love them and there are plenty of worst snacks out there.  I like to think of them as almost the healthy version of sour gummies :)  Used at least four times and a major success each and every time!!!

 

My favorite trick to improving any vegetable is roasting them and my favorite find in 2011 but ate plenty of them in 2012 is roasted Brussel Sprouts!  Oh they have such a fun crisp bite with a wonderful rich nutty flavor after roasting in the oven. 

 

My favorite find of 2012 was roasting my white pumpkin seeds.  Oh so good - sweet, salty, crunchy - YUMMY!

 

Touch

 

This sense I think speaks the most to my heart.  If you like Max Lucado one of my favorite writings that just sits heavy on my heart is found in Just Like Jesus by Max Lucado discussing how he healed the man with leprosy.  It just opened my eyes to how important touch is and how so many of us take it for granted.  Also if you have ever read Gary Chapman's Five Languages of Love he highlights how importance touch is to a loving relationship and how we communicate through touch to/with each other.

 

So my five favorite "touches".

 

The keys of the keyboard clicking under my nails/fingers as a data entry clerk as well as at home blogging or attempting to create new websites.

Beauty days when I was a nanny getting my nails done, my hair, and even my make-up.  I can feel the tugs, and tickles of brushes.  And the giggles at the final "look". 

 

Drew shows support to my work outs by becoming my "obstacle" or extra weight.  He loves to be picked up if I am marching to a DVD.  Or if it is a yoga/pilates one he likes to crawl under or over me or through my legs depending on the stance.  It makes me giggle and breaks up the routine quite often!

 

The best day I had working as an afterschool counselor was the day we explored our senses.  I was responsible for the touching exhibit.  I had eight different textures hidden under a blanket (so as not to be seen) for the kids to explore through touch.  It was fun to watch their eyes not completely sure what they were to feel (all household pantry staples - dry pasta, cooked pasta, shredded carrots, chunked baby carrots, water, dry rice with dry beans, whole lemon, broken saltine crackers).  I offered some of them the chance to opt out but everyone wanted a "go".  Some even brought parents back.  It just was one of those YAY moments :)

 

Of course I saved my favorite for last - cuddles with my two favorite guys - my cozy cuddles with my son as we listen to music, read, or watch television.  And one of the reasons I fall in love with my hubby daily is his all encompassing world protective loving warm embrace - the safest most wonderful place to be is in his arms. 

 

  Whoa! as my son said this year has been quite a wonderful year to remember.  It has felt like a whirlwind at points and then quite a lull during other moments.  Jesus encourages us to remain salty.  To keep adding our flavor to the world so that together we can create the perfect harmonious recipe of peace as we find the best part of ourselves to combine with the best of others to glorify our Wonderful Magnificent Creator.

 

May your HealthFULL Journey help you to remember the good moments that built a stronger flavor of your salt.  And feel free to lose those moments that dull your flavor. Otherwise continue Feeling Unbelievable and Loving Life! 'Til we meet again. . .

 

AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!