Workin' up a Sweat

 

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit,

who is in you, whom you have received from God? 

You are not your own; you were bought a price. 

Therefore honor God with your body. -- 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

 

 

Can I be honest?  This piece of scripture haunts me.  I have confessed there have been many binges and some more recent than I want to remember let alone admit.  We joke about my downfalls in our home.  The foods that call my name at all hours when in the house and have a direct line to my Sal the Snacker (Chips (no self-control!!! nada - zilch!), Ice Cream (some control but little) and Pop has a hold I can't even describe!) I ban them I invite them I kick these foods out of the house again and there is that one moment of weakness and they move in their brother's wife's cousin's dog's best friend and everyone down the line.  I crave, I rationalize, I promise, I threaten, I ignore, and then I break down.  This can be agonizing.  And then I giggle when someone mentions I forgot to eat today - don't you hate that?  I nod and chuckle as if I am "in" on the joke but I'm giggling because I cannot fathom a day in this world where I would forget a snack let alone a day worth of meals!  I eat out of nervousness I am not 100% sure if that counts as emotional eating.  Because my anxiety can turn any moment into a nervous activity which then gives me permission to chow down.  Today a tongue in cheek confession was made to my husband as we joked about my temptations.  I will eat versions of those items that I don't even like because of what they say to me.  I remember drinking the world's grossest soda - It was blue and the name was something like blue mountain soda sparkling blue this was 10+ years ago.  It tasted like foaming carbonated paint thinner or some other household cleaner - rough stuff.  I believe I finished half a can and that is the only pop in this world I have not finished.  I used to find some diet sodas that tasted like soap but did I buy them more than once.  Why yes I did!  That has to say something - and probably not the nicest  or wisest comment. 

 

So what does this have to do with workin' up a sweat?  Well I recently stopped by the library for rejuvenation into the work-out world.  I started off strong this month promising myself I would do at least thirty minutes of dedicated on purpose working out so that anything extra was just bonus points.  I have dragged out the Wii that passively agressively reminded me that I have not visited in 253 days.  Why thank you Wii for noticing my absence - missed you too!  And then had the audacity to say I've gained 19 pounds in that time.  I guess the Wii Fit did not want me to visit again for another 253 days!  I have bonded again with the Walking DVD where my son believes he is meant to serve as my arm weight as he giggles along with the super peppy coach on the television screen.  Well that gung-ho attitude lasted a whole five days.  Then a couple more passed and I said "Suzy we have to make this work! The weight has to go and more importantly that blood sugar needs to get under control!!!"  I know in the logical world that exercise greatly impacts my blood sugar but when I am being pulled by Sal the Snacker and called by the cravings I leave logic blocked in a corner screaming for help!  Not that logic needs my help but it knows how much I need IT! And Logic wants to desperately help me in those desperate moments!   

 

So I tried to be pro-active and grabbed two DVDs from the library my free resource to dabble in movement.  One is a bellydance DVD which cracks me up (because at my size the belly dances pretty much all the time on its own  its just not quite in the manner people find attractive ;)  and a God inspired Sweating in the Spirit where we pull out the Hymns and the Gospel singers to motivate our movement.  The "coach" or "teacher"  quoted the above line quite often in the DVD.  Every time she said that scripture verse or the mantra " your body is your temple" - I winced.  Which is what we do when we view an action as dangerous or painful.  This wasn't her intention I'm sure.  She meant to be encouraging.  She was smiling and throwing up her arms in Glory to God.  And I was trying to sink into the floor away from God's gaze. 

 

Hmmmm....That kind of reaction deserves a ponder.  I say I want to beautify and strengthen my body, my temple in honor of God.  As a sign of respect!  That kind of thinking leads to work-outs which leads to so many wonderful options.  An instant gift is my son's reaction.  He is his Mommy's biggest cheerleader.  Certain DVD's cause him to giggle and copy mine and the television's instructor's movements.  Sometimes he finds it so delightful and entangles himself around me like a jungle gym when I do "fun" poses.  Such as straddling my legs or arching my back or creating a downward dog sort of pose that he can climb through and interact with me.  I love that!  I love when he discovers a new move or a new opportunity to see life from a new perspective.  These are the good moments when I am on my 'A' game and doing good.  But then I lose my hold on that scripture of empowerment and it becomes a blaming loud alarm as I stuff my face with bowl after bowl of potato chips.  The only growth besides my stomach is that chips at least last two days and not just one :( 

 

Oooh  If only I could hold unto the power of that verse.  That positive encouragement and reminder that fuels me to making good choices worth building up.  Instead of me sweeping it into dark corners as I run away distracted, confused, and blindly numbing myself with foods that clog and slow my journey instead of fueling me into the next stretch of positive growth.  Hmmmmmmm....

 

Day by day, moment by moment I trudge. 

 

Jesus looked at them and said, "with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." --Matthew 19:26 

 

God reach down and help me own the above scripture.  That my body is a temple to serve you to honor you and to always bring glory in your name.  I constantly fail in this area.  I turn away from the responsibility.  I hide my head in guilt and shame to avoid the pain this verse reminds of my failure.  I struggle God because I struggle never because my love for you falters.  Help me to remember to love what you gave me for life, my body and to treat it with respect.  Amen!

 

May your HealthFULL journey hold up a mirror to remind you of the areas where you are strong and where you have grown and a loving reminder of what still could use improvement.  Remember God loves you always where you are - God doesn't wait for you to lose ten pounds or until you can run a marathon.  God loves you right here, right now, and is waiting to hear your heart's desire and to witness ALL of your choices - the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful ;)  'Til we meet again. . . 

Stupid Pothole!

You've seen 'em.  But have you fallen trap to the potholes in your life?  I am talking figuratively and literally here.  It has been two weeks and the real life pothole I hit still haunts me and my car.  With the holiday season I feel I am hitting a lot of potholes.  I have tried to throw on a smile, count my blessings, and hope for better.  But sometimes you need a moment to acknowledge and even yell at the pothole.  The pothole caused me stress in several ways.  I was driving to work early.  Which right there tends to not work in my favor.  We had been told to come in an hour and half late.  I figured I could at least be on time if not a tish early.  I am driving down the interstate.  Go to switch lanes as I am not a right lane driver.  And as I begin to accelerate to switch lanes, I check my blind spot only to turn in enough time to see my car is about to hit a huge pothole.  I have enough time to tense my body and see the pothole but not enough to react.  Ker-PLUNK.  Oh no.  Please Onyx the Smokemobile be okay.  Please.  PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE!  Okay all tires still moving three seconds past the kerplunk.   Maybe just maybe I can breathe normally again.  Oh no here comes the exclamation point light with a loud series of beeps.  This means my car is upset with my choice and needs pronto care.  I have accepted in this world there are three topics that my brain does not compute.  I have accepted and try to avoid the topics.  You can use kindergarten language and I will not comprehend possibly my ignorance, possibly my stubbornness.  Those three topics are : Directions (I married a human compass), Computers(Ironic as I do data entry for my job), and Cars (sad because I have had lots of car problems in my lifetime).  So when my car yells at me.  I pull over on the INTERSTATE.  Because this doesn't happen on a nice quiet suburb street with speed limits of 25 mph.  But where the speed limit is 60 and you know people are passing me at 80 mph easily.  I scoot over my car seat to examine my tires.  What am I looking for?  I have no idea.  A huge gash, I touch the tires firmness, kick a few and climb back into my car to call my husband and cry.  This is how I handle car problems.  I used to call my dad but now with my mature age I call my spouse.  I am thinking of any way in the world he could handle this problem and I could be on my way to work.  In less than a year I have had to call my work and explain my abscence/tardiness on car problems at least three maybe four times.  All true.  But still how understanding can my company be?   But my hubby convinces me to put on my big girl britches and get the car to the tire place.  However with my crying and procrastinating the tire has begun to leak.  I now officially have a flat tire as I find out as I start driving on the interstate.  I beg for the car to hold on.  As I slowly descend on the front driver side.  As I wait at the stop light at the first available exit ramp where the tire place is located I feel my car slowly shift down.  Even a fellow driver lowers his window to offer his expertise that my tire is indeed flat.  I nod with my teary eyes and he thumbs ups me.  Good I am glad our exchange has warranted a thumbs up.  I felt like a hand gesture as well but as I had a death grip on the steering wheel in determined prayer and hope that the car will just last to the car place.  I reach my destination (thank you GPS for your assistance).  I grab my tire consultant.  He escorts me to my car and asks if I was using my spare but he was able to answer his own question.  Thank goodness as my eyes already moisten over with my lack of knowledge.  Did I just hurt my tire which we have a lifetime guarnantee as we have had three nails in the tire issue again in under a year (thanks neighbors for all getting your roofs redone!)  Oh no I damaged two rims pretty severely and as they can't match the rims exactly we might want to purchase four new rims.  Oh goody.  Stupid pothole!  He helps me and in ten days the tires worked well.  I was a little late for work but life went on.  But starting Thanksgiving.  We hear this rubbing, colliding, tumbling sound from the rear tire.  We take it in to the tire shop not once but twice.  The experts hear nothing.  To me and my husband it sounds like we are about to lose the wheel on left handed turns and big bumps in the road.  I could probably drive it to work but I am opting for the older truck (1995 vs 2008).  I don't think work would appreciate a fourth call pertaining to vehichle issues.  And I am not willing to risk my safety on two different interstates with the mystery sound.  Stupid pothole!    So you have hear my literal pothole issue. 

Let's discuss those figurative potholes.  Those food temptations that are too powerful to ignore.  Those emotional triggers that cause rash reactions.  Those stressful issues that overload positive actions.  Those demanding unexpected bills that require as much attention as the routine bills.  And illness that renders daily schedules and lists useless.  I have recently dealt with a cold but what was even more demanding of attention was my son's illness.  My poor li'l guy.  It's official he has dealt with his first illness and it was a doozy.  A rising temp nearing a 104 degrees F (I was terrified as I touched the back of his neck and it burnt my hand), an ear infection, bronchialitis with major congestion and trouble keeping his milk down.  Like I said poor guy.  With my cold and my pothole I was mustering through what I could.  But shut down the world when my son got sick.  He gained my whole attention and everything else faded into the background.  Another pothole. 

Things are improving and thankfully my son is rebounding well.  I have been beating myself up over the backward steps and the non movement forward on my healthfull journey.  Playing the scenarios in my head of different choices I could have made in attempt of missing the potholes.  Sure I could have missed some of them but in return I might have hit others even harder.  I have to remind myself.  The potholes happened. They can't be erased and more will appear.  I can try to swerve but sometimes they can't be avoided.  We have to deal with the repercussions and only once the mess is contained and handled can we press forward once again.  So slowly I am evaluating my position.  How many steps backward did I take?  And how quickly can I get back to the journey? 

May your healthFULL journey contain few potholes.  But when it does I pray that you will gain strength, wisdom, and that you remain as unharmed as possible.  'Til we meet again . . .

Temptation knocks the door down!

We've all heard the expression that we need to be careful because opportunity only knocks once.  But let me tell you temptation knocks the door down with you behind it.  In other words, temptation does not disappear.  I fell hard this weekend.  First you need to know that I did whip up four dozen cupcakes - two different flavors with two different HOMEMADE frostings for my son's first birthday. My baby is one!!! And yes I still call him my baby - we discussed it and agreed that on the eve of his eighteenth birthday we will discuss if he can still be called my baby boy (and I am pretty sure I will veto his answer :)    We had yellow cake with cream cheese frosting which made our goalpost and then milk chocolate cupcakes with truffle frosting then made up our football (if you caught the colors were black and gold in our version - Geaux Saints and please don't mention the Rams we are still licking our wounds!) Oh this truffle frosting gave me a fight but I saw opportunity and I wasn't going to let my team down.  You are suppose to not stir the mixture (against my better judgement and instinct) after you add the chocolate chunks to whipping cream and let it cool overnight.  The next morning I had cream sitting on top of my seized chocolate.  I could have thrown in the towel but I gave it a go. I reheated my chocolate double boiler style which makes me nervous and melted my chocolate and stirred the mixture together.  Then I cooled the mixing bowl in the freezer.  I tried to whip together my frosting after forty minutes but it needed more time to cool.  I tried again after forty minutes and victory stomp because I had a frosting.  YAY!  I tell you this victory to share my fall.

Temptation is patient and knows you better than you do yourself.  It darts in and out of your daily activities and when you think you are on top of the world it is ready to hammer you down and call you like a long lost siren.  While you are running victory laps it begins to pat you on the back as it keeps pace with your wins.  And then the pats on the back become taps on the shoulder and then a beckoning finger and luring whispers.  Yes we celebrated Halloween - took our son to a mini version of trick or treat (we had to show off his adorableness in his Tigger costume), handed out candy and threw a party which we shopped for tasty ingredients and started to whip up some crowd favorites.  The trick or treat no problem.  When buying candy I chose a more expensive option to keep lower carb candy around in case I was tempted.  But I guffaw at you candy.  Not the least bit interested.  I then whip up four dozen cupcakes not so much as a lick on the finger (and there have been many batters that I have sampled over the years).  I left a couple of cupcakes frostingless as they were legal as a snack - without frosting.  The day of the party I barely nibbled and when dinner came around I cautiously loaded my plate - guessing my best numbers on the carbs being consumed.  Sunday through Thursday - High level of success.  Mmmm Friday hits - little bit of temptation as my delicious frosting calls from the fridge.  I should have thrown out the extra I know. Forget the cake I love frosting.  Give me a corner piece any day - higher frosting ratio.  I have not proudly bought frosting to just eat the frosting.  I know!  So I tell myself one spoonful for a sugar rush - You can stop trying to stifle your laughter because after one spoonful came the second spoonful and soon the third.  Finally the fourth I reminded myself this has a lot of carbs and it was the fifth that I slammed the lid down and shoved the frosting back in the fridge.  Whew not good - but not horrible.  But then I had a leftover plate of the party fare - got to get rid of the leftovers.  I did not count as well as I did Thursday.  Must get away from temptation - friday night babysat and brought cupcakes to give away - invited my mom over saturday and passed off more cupcakes to her house.  So Saturday night we don't want to cook and ordered in - Chinese.  I  enjoy Chinese food especially delivered.  This is my go to order when I get a night all to myself.  Order chinese - turn on a good movie and call it a day.  We avoided deep fried and overtly sweet sauces (which is really the point in my mind - grease plus sweet yum!)  Tried to order with 1/2 way consideration of carbs. Listen to how temptation baits me slowly and then goes in for the kill Sunday.  I didn't even attempt to count carbs. It was a free for all - all day long.  I drank all the diet soda I wanted.  Ate two cupcakes with frosting, some cheese curls with reckless abandon, chinese leftovers, ice cream, and some frosting spoonfuls.  I went bonkers.  And didn't feel so good - physically, mentally, and just overall out of whack.  Slowly I am pulling myself back together.  I was getting to boastful and arrogant.  Blowing on my nails like I got this in the bag.  And slowly creeping back into the world of denial.  Thankfully my blood sugar meter doesn't hold any punches.  My numbers did raise quite a bit but not scary high.  Enough of a visual reminder - STOP in the name of love.  Yes some days it feels hard to live this new lifestyle and sometimes we need a treat.  I refuse A Treat (not ten - twenty, you get the picture).  But in the end.  These choices are for me and what I really want out of life to become truly HealthFULL (Fully understand Life by Living) so that I can enjoy every minute of this life with my beautiful son and amazing hubby.  I am beyond blessed - why would I want to rob myself of this pleasure?  For spoonfuls of frosting?  Never.  In the moment yes it is easy to let temptation sweep into our lives and cause horrible disruption.  But in the big picture if we can just keep a little bit of our clarity it is so easy to stomp out those nagging thoughts, whispering lures, and annoying taps.  Temptation will always be knocking down our doors but we always have the choice to slam the doors right back on them.  Join me in saying good riddance to your annoying pests.

May your HealthFULL Journey be full of knocks of opportunities and that temptation only makes you stronger to say no to those that don't matter and yes to what does. 'Til we meet again. . . 

Wrapping up the travels

It is so exciting to travel and experience a change; the atmosphere is different, the cuisine is different, the people are different, and with all this different therefore it is easy to assume we are different. Our worlds are different, we're forced to let go of everyday comforts. We traveled for quite a while in the car took some breaks to stretch, re-set moods, and energize. Upon hours and hours on the road I didn't focus on squeezing in my twenty minutes of work-out so after we unpacked, ordered a pizza (because we were just not cooking!) I grabbed work-out gear and hit the Wii. I missed my goal by 1.2 pounds but have lost another 3.8. I am officially the weight of my first official dr. visit for my pregnancy. So now I am really ready to start the HealthFULL Journey :) It is time to Fully Understand Life by Living. Still doing baby steps still slowly letting go of food comforts and lack of movement tendencies. I squeezed in my twenty minutes and headed to pizza. But here are the food victories. On a vacation I usually go hog wild, just pedal to the medal of calories. If it is a morsel that I feel I can't have back home then it is free game. And when we stop at familiar places extra high calorie treats are consumed without a second thought. I had an ice cream cone and pizza. I don't feel guilty because I have came a long way and still have a ways to go on how I view food. But not too long ago I would have had two milkshakes and extra dough pizza. But today I did the impossible for me. I ordered crunchy thin pizza. I have never in my life ordered extra thin crispy dough. That's like a cracker to me. I love dough/bread. That is sometimes the best part of the pizza. I hesitated when ordering which must drive my hubby crazy. Just do it! So I did and yes I missed the bite into pillowy doughness. But was super pleased with the non bloating effect. I usually stuff, okay honestly gorge myself on pizza and then go uh! I feel so full. Blech. But not today with plenty of pizza to spare. That was an empowering feeling. and the Ice cream cone was a sweet treat that was easily sixty percent less calories than if I ordered a large shake. So yes, it would be great if I was completely off junk food and fast food. But I am taking steps to change my life so that I don't run back to comforts but say good bye to them at my pace and gain control over my cravings and choices than run and hide. Life is full of temptation and you can only dodge so many hits. Sometimes you have to look it squarely in the face and say "I'm stronger than you and no longer fall for your easy taunts. If I choose to partake, it's my choice, not yours." May your HealthFULL Journey help you gain power and strength to run your life and not run from it. 'Til we meet again. . .

Deep Breaths

Ahhhh! The true moment of relaxation, that moment when you are in vacation and realize I am relaxing. The planning is paying off, we are here safe and sound, and anything from this point on is paradise (well after I finish one more homework assignment, then the time is completely mine :) Our gracious hosts/family left us a breakfast treat. Giving us permission to live it up on vacation and left us cinnamon rolls for breakfast. Oh that sweet doughy goodness with the warming spice of cinnamon that echoes coziness through its familiar and welcoming fragrance that warms the tastebuds. The pillows of dough that almost melt in your mouth with a couple of chewy raisins to offer a little textural difference and that sweet frosting that leaves a creamy sugar buzz of excitement. Ahh yes I have had a cinnamon roll or two in my time :) But not today!!! That's right that is one of my food victories for today. Pastries are absolutely the truest sirens of the sweets for me. And the lure of vacation relaxing my will power. However on this vacation I have other treats of cuisine I plan to taste that outweigh the cinnamon roll lure (though it does do a mighty fine job of temptation.) It is an amazing time we live in present times. Between my computer and a little planning the whole world of exercise awaits. I brought a Yoga DVD with me to try out. 28 minutes of deep breathing. And a Yoga DVD that I actually could keep up with . Not a yogi master of 20 - 30 years, where I try to compete with their flexibility. But today this yoga instructor was more my pace. She even gave me some true tips on how to "cheat" my way to yoga success. I had a view of outside as I stared at my computer screen and in the background plays the chirping of birds. Nature can be such a relaxing sound, not birds for me though. Kind of my nemesis as I am deathly afraid of these winged, horned beak, and clawing creatures. However, because the world is full of irony in the window I saw a beautiful blue jays. One of the few birds that I actually appreciate their beauty. That blue is just gorgeous and their funky but distinguished pattern. Beautiful, still don't want one near me without a pane of glass in between. I stretched and breathe my way through 28 relaxing minutes of movement. Learned two new poses which was fun, "Shooting Star" and Warrior walk which apparently is different from Warrior Stance. I am not flexible enough for a full-on child's pose but appreciate the level of stretch I can commit. It feels good to know that even on vacation I am still choosing Health. Then we went to lunch for a must on our to munch list while in the area. It is probably one of my favorite dishes, no probably it is. Honey Pecan Shrimp from a local restaurant, no mass making of this dish. There are close imitations but this has never disappointed me. It has a crunch to the toasty nuts. A sweet tang to the sauce and beautiful plump shrimp. These are tons of calories but yummy! My husband and I fight to the death for the last couple left standing. But today I did not spear him with a fork. I hit my full level and said I'm done. I graciously offered the last couple to him. (I wasn't quite prepared for him to take them but I did offer :) I am starting to feel a freedom from food that many can't understand. (Either you have never had the level of cravings that grip your soul like addiction or you are still trapped). I know that any day I can fall for the lure of temptation. But right now I am feeling strong and in the right direction on this HealthFULL Journey. May you find peace. May you enjoy life. May your journey lead only to goodness and a FULL life for you and those you hold dear. 'Til we meet again. . .