We need a little Christmas

I love Christmas.   It holds so many precious memories for me.  Obviously the Reason for the season is most important.  (Thank you God for your most precious gift!!!)  But call me cheesy, but the Christmas magic is so uplifting.  I have had some rotten Christmases (mono, post-concussion, horrible flu, strep throat so extreme I can' close my mouth and the list continues.) But that's not what I remember.  I remember family traditions of marching to Silent Night.  I think of hot dogs and German potato salad on Christmas plastic plates that belong on Christmas place mats easily reaching their second decade. I can taste the sweet coolness of egg nog as we unwrap gifts one by one and laughing as a family for hours.  Usually with/at my brother's reaction (but in our defense, he truly is the hardest person in the world to shop for!)  I love Christmas so much I was determined to have a Christmas themed wedding.  Which usually means a December date.  However, my husband and I lived in North Dakota/Minnesota.  (literally fifteen minutes apart).  Blizzards are a normal occurrence during the winter and as our bridal party and close family were traveling from eight states we really couldn't predict if everyone would be able to make it.  Also we got engaged in October and wanted to be married within a year.  So we got our Christmas theme but celebrate our anniversary in July.  (Get it? Christmas in July :)  (First before you judge we got awesome deals on all decorations :) 

But second?  No one else can choose what matters to you or understand to what depth you care.  We choose our attitude, we feel what we feel, and we control our actions .  So in the end we have to fight for what we want.  In a healthFULL Journey.  Not every choice is perfect.  Not every decision is "right".  But hopefully most of the actions and choices will lead us each to our "true" goals.

This thought is on my heart as we are days away from Christmas.  The hustling and bustling is all around.  And it is easy to get caught up in the chaos.  But hopefully we don't all get swallowed up.   Today my hubby and I had a rare day off together and packed up our son and hit the shops.  We had a long to do list - presents and then our daily house needs.  We accomplished a lot.  But when your list is a mile long it is hard to feel completely finished.  And after a long day (with a ton of walking) there was a wonderful Christmas moment.  My son was in his pjs.  Enjoying his last milk for the day and we cuddled together on our recliner (Which happened to be bought exactly a year ago in anticipation of our son's arrival home from his 44 day stint in the NICU).  Dinner was in the oven for the adults (chicken with creamed spinach and a mushroom risotto).  (LOVE Freezer veggies in steamer packs - easy way to get some veggies in a hurry).  Hubby was sitting next to us.  Few lights on with the Christmas tree and Charlie Brown's Christmas on.  The moment was quiet, comforting, and love-filled.  So yes Christmas can be crazy.  But in those quiet moments exist a beautiful breath of the Christmas spirit.  Those moments are worth fighting for. 

May your HealthFULL Journey get you closer to your goals and highlight the moments that are too precious to lose.  Don't forget we all need a little Christmas!  'Til we meet again. . .  

Sometimes we NEED a victory dance!

Due to my husband's influence I have joined the legions of football fans; mostly NFL but some college.  It has become a special weekly event for my hubby and I as we don our black and gold.  I try to dress our son in the appropriate spirit wear as well.  However he usually cheers from his crib as it is either bedtime or naptime.  We do look forward to sharing this tradition with him.  I won't get started ranting about athlete salaries because that leads to celebrity and politicians vs military, teachers, fire personnel.  But the game does unite communities, families, and sometimes loners.  My hubby is from New Orleans and it is the city where we met.  It holds a special place in both our hearts.  We felt the loss as Katrina damaged and destroyed a beautiful piece of our country. But the people rallied.  Did the Saints heal the city?  They certainly helped strengthen that amazing community spirit.  I witnessed Katrina's destruction but I also celebrated in the French Quarter after the Saints won their first SuperBowl.  It truly was a memory of a lifetime.  We might not have ran the field but in our hearts we matched them yard for yard.  As I gain knowledge and seek healthier alternatives in my daily choices I have a newfound respect for athletes.  They don't take care of their bodies for simply appearances. They do it for performance and functionability.  They fight for their livelihood.  Day in and day out they push, they strain, they refrain, and hope to avoid injury.  So when they not only accomplish their goal but surpass everyone's expectations; including their own.  They celebrate.  They create humorous, touching, or offensive actions to celebrate their hard work.  And when we're rooting for that team we too share the victory and celebrate accordingly.

Could you imagine how different life would be if we shared our victory dances and joined others in theirs?  When someone earns an A we applauded instead of whispered "they must have cheated."  Or when someone loses ten pounds we cheered instead of sneered.  Maybe we don't need to pat others' fannies but we all could pass more pats on the back around.  We are quick to criticize - everyone, especially ourselves.  And with such critical eyes we forget to shout our Hoorays!

My son is at that fun age where he is starting to mimick adult patterns.  We applaud his victories and nine times out of ten he stops to applaud with us with joy in his eyes. And I get the distinct feeling he is applauding our applause.  His response is so genuine it brightens my mood, lightens my stress, and reminds me that we all do need a victory dance.  We need the victory dance; to celebrate, to encourage, and to connect. 

May your HealthFULL Journey be full of victory dances for yourself and for those you cherish.  We all deserve a celebration. ' Til we meet again. . .

Life Changes

Here is a top ten list of how I know my lifestyle is improving healthwise:

10.  No longer do I believe the mean laundry fairies are shrinking my jeans but actually replacing them with bigger sizes.

9.  My tag was hanging out of my shirt the other day and instead of freaking out that someone might have seen the size.  I was like I hope someone saw the size this shirt is from college - my first go around - which means it was purchased over ten years ago.

8.  Instead of being nervous about my blood pressure and blood sugar being too high I wonder if they are too low.

7.  We need to get out of the house.  (I am borderline hermit! - this is major!)

6.  Soup or salad can be the whole meal and not just the side/appetizer.

5.  Oh I'm thirsty I should grab some water.

4.  When can I fit in my thirty minute work-out today?

3.  I'm cooking, by choice, and enjoying it!!!

2.  I have great parking karma today.  There is a spot right next to the steps.

1.  I feel good and have tons of energy (most of the time :)

Some random thoughts but showing the big picture.  Little by little I'm finding the healthier version of me.

May your healthFULL Journey delight you with the simple blessings of how your effort equals true results.  'Til we meet again. . .

The Power of Cleaning

Don't you just love a clean house? Or even a clean room?  There is something motivating about walking into a room where everything seems to be resting in their proper place.  But I think the "secret" spots are the most exciting when clean.  You know where I am talking about.  The "miscellaneous" drawer.  Your closet. Under the bed.  The cupboard where kitchen gadgets have gone and never returned.  Or that pantry shelf of unopened foreign but really interesting bottle of sauce, the bag with one lonely stale cookie, the crackers you bought on sale that are healthy but have no flavor but that you refuse to throw because then you feel guilty for not really giving them a chance but the thought of attempting to eat one makes your face instinctly go blech as you shudder that one shrug that emphasizes your disgust.  You get the picture.  Sure clean bathrooms, hung laundry, and clean floors freshly vacuumed - looks nice and feels great.  But that real deep satisfaction feeling comes from those areas that you clean for you.  The areas where houseguests shouldn't really be peeking and even family members who dwell within the same residence are mostl likely crossing private boundaries.  These are the areas we tend to overlook as guests don't notice and few can offer that positive feedback we crave.  But when we do take the moment to really clear out our special places we feel invincible.  Why?  Here are a couple of my thoughts: Because we took a moment to say our wants matter.  That I value myself more than I value clutter.  With every choice we make we get one step closer to knowing who we really are, by stating what we really want, and become the person we want to be. 

A little dramatic. Perhaps.  But there is something about the power of cleaning.  It truly is a whole person act.  Physically you are stooping, stretching, walking room to room, crawling, sitting, jumping, grabbing, tossing, scrubbing, and the list could easily continue.  Emotionally you are recalling why items matter or don't anymore.  Mentally we choose to keep an item or dispose of the item and then how to accurately place the item (keep - where to store and for how long, dispose - throw away, recycle, donate, give away, trade, or sell).  Financially you may keep more in your pocket as you don't have to buy replacements as you found a home for valuables or easily lost items (can we say stamps!!!) or you may loosen the purse to replace items that have lived a good life (I bid adieu to four pairs of jeans today). 

But the real point of today's entry.  I feel amazing.  I feel strong as my body was able to keep up with my long to do list.  I feel wise as I was able to keep my head in the game and make tons of decisions pretty easily.  Some of these chores have been on my to do list and creating guilt within myself and "graying" my mood as I bypassed these activities for numerous reasons.  But now that they are crossed off I feel accomplished and freed.  And definitely feel jazzed and excitement walking around my home and feeling that I have some wiggle room ; room to wiggle if I choose, to fill with items that make my heart soar, and that not everything feels so crammed. 

After some true sleep last night I was able to wake up and feel motivated.  A HealthFULL lifestyle has to start with rest.  Time to reflect, renew, and regain strength.  And once we regroup and refuel our energy we can make active and informed choices about our well-being.  By choosing to clean today I was able to let go of built up frustration and guilt by finding peace and joy. Both great feelings anytime but especially valuable sentiments during the holidays. 

May your HealthFULL Journey lead to moments of clearness as your life gains purity through the removal of clutter and the discovery of options.  'Til we meet again. . .

The Broken Umbrella

Oh if my life was a movie this week... cue into the closing scene where a woman walks down the sidewalk in front of her office building with a bounce in her step and a giggle on her lips.  Now if this truly was a movie the woman would be 5' 11" just over a hundred pounds in a gorgeous trench coat- fantastic make-up and perfectly coiffed hair possibly a french twist, mega watt smile with a confident stride and the background a slight sprinkle of rain with a touch of sunlight.  But before we go into the fade back let's really examine the final scene.  Because this blog isn't a movie but about my real  HealthFULL journey on how I can Fully Understand Life by Living which means there are lots of these moments.  Here is the true final scene: A heavy set woman, no make-up, a quick ponytail, an awkward pace to her gait, and a giggle bordering between hysteria or tears, with an open broken umbrella and a gloomy gray sky with spurts of wind. Now the choices that lead into this scene.

Its Monday because this is real life and real life seems to come together harshly this particular time of the week.  We are approaching wintertime here in the South and instead of facing a harsh blizzard we tend to see a lot of drizzly depressing rainy days.  This would be one of those days.  I hate driving the truck in rain.  The accelerator tends to stick when it gets a little chilly and the automatic truck pretends it is a bucking bronco. Not fun!  But as I pull into our parking lot - wait for it I actually have an umbrella on me.  This is news because for seven years of our marriage - my husband and I did not own a single umbrella.  But I now own one that matches my purse.  Fancy I know!  My hubby calls it my little umbrella and I love it...or I did, but I am getting ahead of myself.

Work begins and time passes.  The minutes tick down and the clock is nearing break time.  Oh I so have the Monday blahs.  Its cold out and rainy.  No walk I pout, stomp, and whine I don't wanna.  But don't want to do something doesn't mean I can't.  That I am physically unable.  And I realized that as an adult I can't give into my teenage rebellion or even my child-like tantrum just because I don't feel it.  Sometimes we have to weigh our wants vs. our goals vs. our needs.  I didn't want to walk but after my high blood sugar reading (the highest I have had in over a month) I needed to walk and that my goal is to lead a healthier lifestyle.  Well grab the umbrella because we are going for a walk : sunshine, rain, or snow pull on the tennis shoes we're hitting the pavement.  Did I have other options then walking outside?  Absolutely!  I could have walked the steps in our five story building (they are bit daunting and creepy).  I also could have stretched in my cubicle for fifteen minutes but who wants to create that kind of scene.  No I'll take my cute little umbrella and walk.

It felt good the first break.  There is something about the smell of rain that is energizing as everything is refreshed.  The confidence building as I did something good for myself and I didn't even want to do it.  But I dug deep and accomplished my goal.  Its that first step willing to embrace the activity, isn't it.  I convinced myself go outside.  If you only walk once around the building so be it.  But my body craved movement and once the first step happened it was easier to follow it with 1500 more.  Great first break.

The day continues on and the afternoon break looms before me.  I silently debate my options.  I already had fifteen minutes under my belt.  Do I really have to commit another fifteen in the rain?  Yes because I knew I was working late, when I get home I will be exhausted and on mommy/wife time.   So if I wanted to get my full thirty minutes in for the day this would most likely be my last shot.  Plus it really was refreshing the first break.  Grab my tennis shoes and adorable umbrella one more time.  Hmm...the grayness seems a little darker.  The wind has picked up a little speed and an extra chill as I sink a little deeper into my coat.  One time around the building done.  I am feeling a shot of pride, a bounce in my step as my confidence grows and as I am too busy applauding myself a lot happens.  I notice the wind is picking up my umbrella and flinging it around.  I see one of the spokes has bent and then one final gust pulls the umbrella out of my hand as I simultaneously trip over the sidewalk.  (The same sidewalk that I have walked numerous times all of a sudden has a crack that raises three inches off the ground just enough for my shoe to catch it and stub my toe).  I lose the umbrella to the ground as I stumble three steps forward bracing myself for the inevitable fall and side step my umbrella (I don't want to break it) and the wind carries my friend away into the street into upcoming traffic as I twirl to catch both my balance and in a half-hearted attempt to catch my little umbrella.  I watch in horror as a SUV comes racing down (or driving normal speed)  bee-line towards my umbrella and I wondered if there was any possible way my umbrella could be spared and if not; Can an open umbrella hurt a moving SUV?  There was something child-like as I wanted to race into the street and save my priced possession like a child does their ball.  But miracles of miracles the umbrella is spared.  I grab the umbrella and race to safety.  As I turn the final corner towards my office building.  It was like I was not only in a movie but a cartoon as I look up into my umbrella.  As I gaze upwards one spoke (not the bent one) drops into two pieces.  I try to close the umbrella to see the damage and there is one side that sticks out now with the two pieced spoke and the bent spoke and I do the only thing that seems natural.  I giggle at my blessed misfortune.  Yes I tripped.  I lost my umbrella.  And my umbrella broke.  But I walked for thirty minutes.  I actually had a working umbrella for 28 of those minutes.  My umbrella did not get run over (and I didn't have to pay for any damage towards an expensive looking SUV).  And though I tripped, I didn't fall nor sustain any true injury. Well a little bruise to the pride as I was beginning to think I was all that and a bag of chips.  But a near fall and a broken umbrella bring me back to reality.  So Broken Umbrella thank you for the memories, the lessons, and the humility.

May your HealthFULL Journey be full of opportunities that lift you up and catch you when you fall. 'Til we meet again. . . 

Stupid Pothole!

You've seen 'em.  But have you fallen trap to the potholes in your life?  I am talking figuratively and literally here.  It has been two weeks and the real life pothole I hit still haunts me and my car.  With the holiday season I feel I am hitting a lot of potholes.  I have tried to throw on a smile, count my blessings, and hope for better.  But sometimes you need a moment to acknowledge and even yell at the pothole.  The pothole caused me stress in several ways.  I was driving to work early.  Which right there tends to not work in my favor.  We had been told to come in an hour and half late.  I figured I could at least be on time if not a tish early.  I am driving down the interstate.  Go to switch lanes as I am not a right lane driver.  And as I begin to accelerate to switch lanes, I check my blind spot only to turn in enough time to see my car is about to hit a huge pothole.  I have enough time to tense my body and see the pothole but not enough to react.  Ker-PLUNK.  Oh no.  Please Onyx the Smokemobile be okay.  Please.  PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE!  Okay all tires still moving three seconds past the kerplunk.   Maybe just maybe I can breathe normally again.  Oh no here comes the exclamation point light with a loud series of beeps.  This means my car is upset with my choice and needs pronto care.  I have accepted in this world there are three topics that my brain does not compute.  I have accepted and try to avoid the topics.  You can use kindergarten language and I will not comprehend possibly my ignorance, possibly my stubbornness.  Those three topics are : Directions (I married a human compass), Computers(Ironic as I do data entry for my job), and Cars (sad because I have had lots of car problems in my lifetime).  So when my car yells at me.  I pull over on the INTERSTATE.  Because this doesn't happen on a nice quiet suburb street with speed limits of 25 mph.  But where the speed limit is 60 and you know people are passing me at 80 mph easily.  I scoot over my car seat to examine my tires.  What am I looking for?  I have no idea.  A huge gash, I touch the tires firmness, kick a few and climb back into my car to call my husband and cry.  This is how I handle car problems.  I used to call my dad but now with my mature age I call my spouse.  I am thinking of any way in the world he could handle this problem and I could be on my way to work.  In less than a year I have had to call my work and explain my abscence/tardiness on car problems at least three maybe four times.  All true.  But still how understanding can my company be?   But my hubby convinces me to put on my big girl britches and get the car to the tire place.  However with my crying and procrastinating the tire has begun to leak.  I now officially have a flat tire as I find out as I start driving on the interstate.  I beg for the car to hold on.  As I slowly descend on the front driver side.  As I wait at the stop light at the first available exit ramp where the tire place is located I feel my car slowly shift down.  Even a fellow driver lowers his window to offer his expertise that my tire is indeed flat.  I nod with my teary eyes and he thumbs ups me.  Good I am glad our exchange has warranted a thumbs up.  I felt like a hand gesture as well but as I had a death grip on the steering wheel in determined prayer and hope that the car will just last to the car place.  I reach my destination (thank you GPS for your assistance).  I grab my tire consultant.  He escorts me to my car and asks if I was using my spare but he was able to answer his own question.  Thank goodness as my eyes already moisten over with my lack of knowledge.  Did I just hurt my tire which we have a lifetime guarnantee as we have had three nails in the tire issue again in under a year (thanks neighbors for all getting your roofs redone!)  Oh no I damaged two rims pretty severely and as they can't match the rims exactly we might want to purchase four new rims.  Oh goody.  Stupid pothole!  He helps me and in ten days the tires worked well.  I was a little late for work but life went on.  But starting Thanksgiving.  We hear this rubbing, colliding, tumbling sound from the rear tire.  We take it in to the tire shop not once but twice.  The experts hear nothing.  To me and my husband it sounds like we are about to lose the wheel on left handed turns and big bumps in the road.  I could probably drive it to work but I am opting for the older truck (1995 vs 2008).  I don't think work would appreciate a fourth call pertaining to vehichle issues.  And I am not willing to risk my safety on two different interstates with the mystery sound.  Stupid pothole!    So you have hear my literal pothole issue. 

Let's discuss those figurative potholes.  Those food temptations that are too powerful to ignore.  Those emotional triggers that cause rash reactions.  Those stressful issues that overload positive actions.  Those demanding unexpected bills that require as much attention as the routine bills.  And illness that renders daily schedules and lists useless.  I have recently dealt with a cold but what was even more demanding of attention was my son's illness.  My poor li'l guy.  It's official he has dealt with his first illness and it was a doozy.  A rising temp nearing a 104 degrees F (I was terrified as I touched the back of his neck and it burnt my hand), an ear infection, bronchialitis with major congestion and trouble keeping his milk down.  Like I said poor guy.  With my cold and my pothole I was mustering through what I could.  But shut down the world when my son got sick.  He gained my whole attention and everything else faded into the background.  Another pothole. 

Things are improving and thankfully my son is rebounding well.  I have been beating myself up over the backward steps and the non movement forward on my healthfull journey.  Playing the scenarios in my head of different choices I could have made in attempt of missing the potholes.  Sure I could have missed some of them but in return I might have hit others even harder.  I have to remind myself.  The potholes happened. They can't be erased and more will appear.  I can try to swerve but sometimes they can't be avoided.  We have to deal with the repercussions and only once the mess is contained and handled can we press forward once again.  So slowly I am evaluating my position.  How many steps backward did I take?  And how quickly can I get back to the journey? 

May your healthFULL journey contain few potholes.  But when it does I pray that you will gain strength, wisdom, and that you remain as unharmed as possible.  'Til we meet again . . .

Hailing a new "Cab"-bage

Well it has been awhile since our household has tried a new produce.  We've been choosing and purchasing but have planned meals poorly.  So with a zest I declared today was a day I felt like cooking.  This enthusiasm may have come from a week of not eating the healthiest and that yesterday we ate two meals - both purchased although we shopped with a meal plan.  Today I decided to try a lunch with an "asian" flair - with flavors expressing that desire.  We tried our hands at a curried carrot soup with an asian slaw.  Together they sounded good but weren't as yummy as I hoped.  On their own - delicious.  Together - somewhat disconnected.  But let's chat about this yummy slaw.

This is so sad to admit but I have never made a homemade coleslaw.  I have purchased the bagged mix and then made the dressing.  Which is homemade but a ridiculous waste of money.  Also this was a nice change to coleslaw as no mayo was used.  Exciting right?  This was a recipe we found in a cookbook we have and then adapted.  We used our new produce - Napa Cabbage (might also be called Chinese Cabbage).  This might sound exotic but most supermarkets do carry this variety.  It is mostly white with green tips.  The shape is closer to an oval versus the round ball.  It is a milder variety with more tender leaves.  If you are looking for a cabbage wrap or want to eat the leaves raw I would suggest the napa cabbage is slightly sweeter and weaker to the bite. 

Now let's talk about the slaw.  Four veggies make up the base of the slaw - shredded napa cabbage, chopped green onion (or scallions), chopped bell pepper, and shredded carrot (which you would think would bridge this slaw with the carrot soup- flavor-wise).  Then the dressing had a creamy peanut butter base with  a mix of oils and vinegars.  A true vinaigrette tends to follow the ration 3:1.  Three parts of oil to one part of vinegar.  This recipe called for quite a few vinegars and different oils which I encourage everyone to purchase a different flavor when shopping every now and again.  It is a fun, quick way to change meal flavors.  This dressing we used rice vinegar and white wine vinegar (as the original recipe called for rice wine vinegar)toasted sesame oil, vegetable oil, some soy sauce (adds saltiness), brown sugar (sweetness), and then some minced garlic and grated ginger.  We added the sauce (more of a paste - but be careful adding water to loosen the mixture) - rinsed cabbage will share its liquid as the slaw sits and blends its flavors.  The recipe then suggests right before serving adding some chopped peanuts.  We had the peanuts ready and forgot to add.  You need that bite or even the crunch of those crunchy noodles you can buy at the supermarket.  The Napa cabbage is so tender that it lacks that crisp bite that slaws tend to have.  So that extra bite from the peanuts or the crunchy noodles would add that texture.  Because the flavor was delicious.  A great produce find.  This slaw would make an excellent addition to some grilled chicken rolled in a tortilla shell for a chicken slaw wrap.

May your HealthFULL Journey encourage you to step out of your comfort zone and yet still find joy and comfort when on unfamiliar ground.  'Til we meet again. . .

Hippity Hop

Oh that's right I am down with my bad self.  Several mornings I have attempted some Hip Hop.  I love watching those moving contemporary pieces and storied Hip Hop on So You Think You Can Dance.  That piece with Alex and Twitch two seasons ago - hands down the coolest dancing I have ever seen.  I have mentioned my adoration for dancing.  That secretly I believe a dancer hides within my soul - however she has never revealed herself physically.  In my soul I am leaping and popping like nobody's business.  In the physical body I resemble those hippos in tutus from Fantasia.  But on this HealthFULL Journey I am learning just because its not perfect (nor won't ever be perfect) doesn't mean I shouldn't try.  So I hit snooze in the morning until I peek open one eye and say at least ten minutes.  One routine is ten minutes.  I won't feel guilty, I'll feel a little bit of energy and something accomplished.  I tell you a full thirty minute work out sets me up for a great day.  But ten minutes helps me from feeling lost.  So I pop in the Hip Hop DVD and start Hippity Hop.  I say this because I give the moves an extra bounce or full on skip.  This is that unrhythm I mentioned but it is still something. 

Frustration easily sets in as I watch the "instructor"  complete her thirtieth move with a smile and I got lost on the second with my two left feet.  And there is definitely a voice that echoes in my being turn it off and crawl back into bed for these eight delicious minutes.  But there is a smaller voice that cries from my soul their thanks.  No the Russian Ballet won't be calling me soon but there is a part of my soul that rejoices.  And slowly from the inside out and by consistently working out the outside in - I am carving out that joyous dancer.  Hippity hop - crossover, back, crossover, step touch step, and turn around.  As Monica says in an early Friends episode ( a rough paraphrase) - Girl in the back you're doing it(dancing) all wrong.  Monica's response: But at least I'm doing it.   That's my answer too.  At least I'm doing it.

May your HealthFULL Journey transform you inside out and outside in and carve out the version of yourself that you've always wanted.  "Til we meet again. . .

Temptation knocks the door down!

We've all heard the expression that we need to be careful because opportunity only knocks once.  But let me tell you temptation knocks the door down with you behind it.  In other words, temptation does not disappear.  I fell hard this weekend.  First you need to know that I did whip up four dozen cupcakes - two different flavors with two different HOMEMADE frostings for my son's first birthday. My baby is one!!! And yes I still call him my baby - we discussed it and agreed that on the eve of his eighteenth birthday we will discuss if he can still be called my baby boy (and I am pretty sure I will veto his answer :)    We had yellow cake with cream cheese frosting which made our goalpost and then milk chocolate cupcakes with truffle frosting then made up our football (if you caught the colors were black and gold in our version - Geaux Saints and please don't mention the Rams we are still licking our wounds!) Oh this truffle frosting gave me a fight but I saw opportunity and I wasn't going to let my team down.  You are suppose to not stir the mixture (against my better judgement and instinct) after you add the chocolate chunks to whipping cream and let it cool overnight.  The next morning I had cream sitting on top of my seized chocolate.  I could have thrown in the towel but I gave it a go. I reheated my chocolate double boiler style which makes me nervous and melted my chocolate and stirred the mixture together.  Then I cooled the mixing bowl in the freezer.  I tried to whip together my frosting after forty minutes but it needed more time to cool.  I tried again after forty minutes and victory stomp because I had a frosting.  YAY!  I tell you this victory to share my fall.

Temptation is patient and knows you better than you do yourself.  It darts in and out of your daily activities and when you think you are on top of the world it is ready to hammer you down and call you like a long lost siren.  While you are running victory laps it begins to pat you on the back as it keeps pace with your wins.  And then the pats on the back become taps on the shoulder and then a beckoning finger and luring whispers.  Yes we celebrated Halloween - took our son to a mini version of trick or treat (we had to show off his adorableness in his Tigger costume), handed out candy and threw a party which we shopped for tasty ingredients and started to whip up some crowd favorites.  The trick or treat no problem.  When buying candy I chose a more expensive option to keep lower carb candy around in case I was tempted.  But I guffaw at you candy.  Not the least bit interested.  I then whip up four dozen cupcakes not so much as a lick on the finger (and there have been many batters that I have sampled over the years).  I left a couple of cupcakes frostingless as they were legal as a snack - without frosting.  The day of the party I barely nibbled and when dinner came around I cautiously loaded my plate - guessing my best numbers on the carbs being consumed.  Sunday through Thursday - High level of success.  Mmmm Friday hits - little bit of temptation as my delicious frosting calls from the fridge.  I should have thrown out the extra I know. Forget the cake I love frosting.  Give me a corner piece any day - higher frosting ratio.  I have not proudly bought frosting to just eat the frosting.  I know!  So I tell myself one spoonful for a sugar rush - You can stop trying to stifle your laughter because after one spoonful came the second spoonful and soon the third.  Finally the fourth I reminded myself this has a lot of carbs and it was the fifth that I slammed the lid down and shoved the frosting back in the fridge.  Whew not good - but not horrible.  But then I had a leftover plate of the party fare - got to get rid of the leftovers.  I did not count as well as I did Thursday.  Must get away from temptation - friday night babysat and brought cupcakes to give away - invited my mom over saturday and passed off more cupcakes to her house.  So Saturday night we don't want to cook and ordered in - Chinese.  I  enjoy Chinese food especially delivered.  This is my go to order when I get a night all to myself.  Order chinese - turn on a good movie and call it a day.  We avoided deep fried and overtly sweet sauces (which is really the point in my mind - grease plus sweet yum!)  Tried to order with 1/2 way consideration of carbs. Listen to how temptation baits me slowly and then goes in for the kill Sunday.  I didn't even attempt to count carbs. It was a free for all - all day long.  I drank all the diet soda I wanted.  Ate two cupcakes with frosting, some cheese curls with reckless abandon, chinese leftovers, ice cream, and some frosting spoonfuls.  I went bonkers.  And didn't feel so good - physically, mentally, and just overall out of whack.  Slowly I am pulling myself back together.  I was getting to boastful and arrogant.  Blowing on my nails like I got this in the bag.  And slowly creeping back into the world of denial.  Thankfully my blood sugar meter doesn't hold any punches.  My numbers did raise quite a bit but not scary high.  Enough of a visual reminder - STOP in the name of love.  Yes some days it feels hard to live this new lifestyle and sometimes we need a treat.  I refuse A Treat (not ten - twenty, you get the picture).  But in the end.  These choices are for me and what I really want out of life to become truly HealthFULL (Fully understand Life by Living) so that I can enjoy every minute of this life with my beautiful son and amazing hubby.  I am beyond blessed - why would I want to rob myself of this pleasure?  For spoonfuls of frosting?  Never.  In the moment yes it is easy to let temptation sweep into our lives and cause horrible disruption.  But in the big picture if we can just keep a little bit of our clarity it is so easy to stomp out those nagging thoughts, whispering lures, and annoying taps.  Temptation will always be knocking down our doors but we always have the choice to slam the doors right back on them.  Join me in saying good riddance to your annoying pests.

May your HealthFULL Journey be full of knocks of opportunities and that temptation only makes you stronger to say no to those that don't matter and yes to what does. 'Til we meet again. . . 

Squeezing in

So often our lives our overflowing: schedules jam-packed, ever-growing to - do lists, and the overflowing belly which some may call muffintop.  And what's crazy? We do it to ourselves.  We say yes a million times over - we add things to do on our list and we watch as we loosen the belts.  Priorities are an amazing tool.  Sure have a to do list let it be miles long but know when we need to drop the list and live.  When a friend calls, when a baby coughs, when we are falling ill - those are the moments that aren't scheduled but are usually the hours that truly matter.  A lot on our schedules is to help others we say. Or is it our pride?  Is it that we want to be super impressive.  Maybe I shared this before but years ago I had a professor tell me that. I was giving him a million excuses why homework was missing or why I didn't study (the course if you are curious was Greek) and he said that we don't say no because we are too proud.  I think about that a lot.  I like to dress up my reasons as beneficial to those around me.  But I like the accolades and the look of awe when I pull off the amazing -  but that is only the rare occasion.  Usually what happens is not everything can get done and if it is - not very well.  So isn't it better for everyone if I say yes to what really matters?  I thought so.  Health became a big priority.  For October it was center stage and I was rewarded in so many ways. I feel rested.  I feel calmer instead of intense mood swings.  and Energy - oh how I have missed that feeling.  Between the high blood sugar and being a new mom (with an almost one year old - where did that time go???)  I just ran out of steam.   I felt like I had to be perfect and squeeze into the model form of perfect mom, perfect wife, perfect aunt, perfect daughter, perfect friend, perfect worker, and just felt pulled apart. No one else demanded this of me.  No one asked me to be different because I had a child in my life.  Will a child change you?  Absolutely!   But I haven't been adapting to changes but demanding myself to be different.  What is stressing me now?  A cake.  Crazy right?  My son turns one this week and I want to bake him the perfect cake. I'm not really a baker.  He won't remember this birthday but I feel I fail as a mom if I can't create a birthday cake from scratch and mold it into a football or helmet or Drew Brees (we're Saints fans :) And slowly my hubby has talked me off the crazy ledge and bought me cake mixes.  He is encouraging me to make my own frosting if I feel I must create.  But in the end - will I be burned at the stake because I buy frosting.  No.  See here is where I need to mark the priorities on the to - do list.  What is more important to my son.  That I avoid him for four hours stressing over the perfect cake?  (Which he will have a small portion - not understand why I baked it or really what it is).  Or that I cuddle with him and play and sing.  He won't remember either choice.  But I will.  And I know what version will mean more to me. So to those eating the cake I apologize for my lack of perfection.  But I refuse to keep squeezing every perfect detail into my life.  The good news is that when you choose your priorities instead of them running YOU down;  the good stuff happens.  No longer am I squeezing into my jam packed schedule, running myself ragged with to do lists , and less fighting the belt.  I actually fit into most of my clothes in my closet.  This is a fun feat.  There have been six pairs of jeans that I would guiltily look through when pushing the hangers.  I can easily pull on two pair and squeeze into two until an inch away from the last breathbut I am not focusing on the pairs I can only squeeze in.  Priorities help us to remember what truly matters.

May your HealthFULL Journey not be a race that you have to squeeze into the audience just to feel included.  May it be a moment to take in the sights, enjoy what is important, and feel lucky to finally LIVE.  'Til we meet again. . .

Cool as a Cucumber

What a fun week!  I truly enjoyed my TGIF as I looked forward to a couple hours with me, myself, and I.  Heavenly as it started with a leisurely stroll through our local library.  I picked up a couple of new excercise DVDs to try - Cardio Hip Hop and some Yoga.  I may not hit every step (as my Wii Fit reminded me this morning that I seriously lack rhythm) but I will have some fun.  Speaking of my friend Wii Fit.  I counted my stamps for showing up - 15 out of the last eighteen days.  Yay me!  I "work out" at least thirty minutes to an hour on the Wii Fit.  And the three days missing stamps - I could recall walking at least thirty minutes those three days.  Reminders!  Stickers, marks, measurements, scale, lists, blood sugar readings - anything visual to remind ourselves that we are making positive changes and true healthFULL strides.  Its easy to throw in the towel when you feel the world against you - the scale numbers went up, pants feel tight, or you feel HUNGRY.  Not hungry lets grab an apple or a handful of nuts.  I'm talking HUNGRY where you will hop into the car and drive to the nearest fast food while speed dialing the pizza place for your old friends that brought happiness (brief along with shame, guilt, fat, carbs, grease - you get the point :)  Thats the exact moment you need a reminder.  These changes are making a difference.  And speaking of changes while at the library I picked up a book to offer me guidance on adjusting to the diabetes diagnosis and a cook book dedicated to those who don't want to sacrifice flavor but want to remain carb conscious.

And speaking of cooking?  I have found myself in the kitchen a lot this week.  My hubby was the main chef tonight (grilling up some cheesy Portabella mushroom burgers - where the mushroom is the patty - hold the bun for me) and I helped with the sides; yummy acorn squash and drumroll as I prepared our featured rookie produce of the week - hothouse cucumbers.  Oh I enjoy cucumbers.  Actually I have a story from when I was in Alaska.  I stayed with many wonderful people who went out of their way to make me feel comfortable and trying to prepare meals with my uncommon food restrictions.  At the time I was eighteen and I didn't eat pork, red meat, or caffeine (that's right no chocolate) for about six years.  I also missed home comforts and our kitchen staples.  When you grow up with certain pantry items you assume everyone has them all the time.  Not the case.  We were staying in a fishing cabin and as we were guests we rarely shopped for our meals.  They were provided so no room to really complain.  But that also means we had little say in our meals.  I remember the host offered cucumber slices.  I went bananas.  Something fresh and raw that I like.  It was cool and crisp and tasty.  I used to dissect my food.  I didn't like food to touch and liked flavors separate.  I ate the non favorite items first and left my favorites for the end.  Meaning sub sandwiches I would eat the lettuce and tomato first (wasn't a fan) and then the meat and then the yummy cheese and maybe some of the bread.  Or salads I would pick out the tomatoes and gulp them down, olives, and then left the one or two cucumber slices with a little ranch for near the end , right before the croutons.  And when the host offered such a simple treat it brought back that joy of a simple treat and comfort of home.  My mom makes me a special creamy cucumber salad (that to this day I am not sure if anyone else in our house liked it). 

So I tried to marinate my Hothouse cucumber today.  Something cooler to go against the warming cozy squash.  It was okay.  I enjoyed the cucumber the peel is not very thick.  And the cucumber has length (at least 16 inches).  Not too many seeds, mellow flavor.  But I didn't pick the best marinade.  A recipe suggested an onion to accompany the cucumber but we were down to our last onion in the house and who doesn't love some caramelized onions on their burger - especially if it is bunless :)  I used a white wine vinegar with some fennel seed (which gives it a licorice kick at the end), pepper, onion powder to accomodate the missing veggie (poor substitute choice as you need the bite of onion more than the flavor), a little dill (because it's a friendly well-known flavor to the cucumber) and a pinch of a sugar.  It needed to marinade a little longer with a little more sweetness.  Which possibly could have come from the onion.  Good produce, poor choices. 

It was a tasty meal and our adventures in the kitchen is bringing my hubby closer.  Not only do we share discussion of how to prepare items and a chance to rub shoulders but to build memories and traditions. Since I am a romantic at heart I love having a cheesy unified foundation to share with our son as he grows older.

May your HealthFULL Journey help you discover your simple pleasures, form heartwarming traditions, and joy. 'Til we meet again. . .

Hit that Snooze one more time

Oh you've done it.  Admit it.  You hit the snooze button.  More than once, almost every day.  Lately we don't use the alarm clock.  Oh we set it every night pretending that is the time we get to sleep.  However, our alarm is a cute 2 1/2 ft almost one year old with might fine lungs.  And he is enjoying learning how to use his "voice".  Each morning we are awakened to a "new" sound.  Sometimes giggles, cries, screams, babble, and pitches from murmuring to squealing.  But this alarm comes with no snooze.  He runs on his own energy source and only when he deems it is snooze time will the alarm be quieted.  But this morning I had to work early so I awoke to the alarm. . . at 5:30 am.  I have been faithfully working out in the morning to feel energetic and trying to lower the blood sugar ASAP.  With life these days if I leave the work out until later; later NEVER happens. 

But this morning was a SNOOzzzzze morning.  Where thirty minutes would make a world of difference.  I even argued in my head as I returned to bed across the room.  If I want work outs to be a priority then here is my chance.  To choose exercise over sleep, to choose health right now vs.  I'll get to it.  And then I crawled into my covers and nestled my pillow.  And thirty minutes later I hit the snooze one more time for a five minute refresher.  Then I forced myself out of bed scolding myself I am going to regret missing that uninterrupted time for exercise.  Finally I bartered with myself and scheduled myself to walk at least a half hour at work (even arguing with myself I couldn't help but snicker "Yeah right!")

Hold on though - I didn't walk thirty minutes today at work I walked forty-five.  That's right I was able to squeeze in 5000 steps right around my office.  Did I want to?  Not every step of the way.  Am I glad that I did it?  Resounding yes!  Because once I left work it became a whirlwind of little events that become easy distractions.

Health has became a major priority.  No excercising isn't always my number one on the list.  But it is  high and is a must do on the list.  Not the list ; when I have time, later, soon,  whatever, who cares.  Because excercise has been on all of those lists.  Now movement hits the list with a planned agenda - when, where, and for how long.  I snuck my tennis shoes on my feet as a way of telling myself.  You're doing this and there is no excuse.  You've got your shoes, you've got the time, and you could use the boost (sunshine, fresh air, endorphin rush, you name it - I needed it :) 

I feel good.  It's amazing how accomplished I feel because I crossed an important to do off my list.  Yeah it is frustrating that it will be right back on top of the list tomorrow. But for today it was crossed off.  Just have to keep reminding myself - this is not a healthFULL race but a HealthFULL journey.

May your HealthFULL Journey find successful and satisfying ways to accomplish your priorities. 'Til we meet again. . .

Snack Attack

Oh munchies how you catch up to when I am weak;
And convince me that anything sweet or salty is what I seek.
You rumble in my belly
until my cravings range anywhere from chips to peanut butter and jelly.

I try to plan so I am not caught unaware
but you wait until I'm tired, frutrasted, and just don't care.
You watch for that perfect moment when I crumble
so that your lure tempts me through the cupboards to fumble.

I grab something...anything that will quickly quiet you.
What will do?
Something salty or sweet? Something gooey or with a crunch?
My resolve fading but yelling we just had a satisfying lunch!

Oh munchies you do win from time to time.
But I am getting stronger and will soon be in my prime.
It will only get harder to turn my head with your call.
Occasionally I do hit the wall
And today you won.
But munchies, this battle is far from being done!!!!

To Cook or NOT to Cook

It has been a good week this week.  Even my Wii congratulated me on my healthy success.  I worked out seven days in a row and the machine admired my dedication.  I'll take the pats on the back from anywhere I can :)  Other good news is that my blood sugar continues to decline slowly and my blood tests came back from the doctor with some thumbs up.   Cholesterol is awesome (so awesome the nurse questioned if I take cholesterol medication ) Ha HA no!  But I was ready for something to come back good.  I also checked my blood pressure and that is well within a healthy range.  Its nice to get some positive feedback and see true results.  Because on those tough days it is easy to tempt ourselves and lose sight of the goal.  But when results keep appearing it strengthens your resolve and keeps temptation at bay. 

However, temptation still creeps at the edges and sneak surprises us.  I had pizza.  After three weeks of no pizza, no pasta, and a serious decline in bread consumption I gave up the fight.  We had planned squash soup for Wednesday night.  (Remember that excess turban squash?)  We had purchased a beautiful butternut squash.  Color was a beautiful tan with an almost flawless peel.  And butternut squash is by far our household favorite squash - versatile, great flavor with a hint of sweetness, and long shelf life.  Once again I was home with our little one for the day and had plans to peel and cube the newly purchased squash for soup.  The day quickly flew by and by dinner time I was drained.  I had no desire to hack through a squash after my recent bout with the turban squash.  I turned to my hubby and hinted and than downright suggested pizza for dinner.  He hesitantly agreed; excited at the prospect but wanted to be supportive of our new lifestyle.  Easily 3 weeks is the longest we have ever gone without pasta or pizza for a meal.  We switched up our regular order as two pizzas are pretty normal so that we can have at least a breakfast and lunch covered too.  Plus a side of breadsticks (I love to dip!).  But no longer are carbs our friends or at least mine.  New order some wings with one pizza with extra thin crispy crust.  I limited myself to three pieces which is not slices but smaller squares.  And my blood sugar remained right on track.  Obviously not an every night a choice but a treat that didn't bust the bank.  And out of my guilt I prepped the butternut squash that night (and some onions) so there would be NO excuse to make the soup Thursday.  I think I was scared of the squash due to the Turban incident but the butternut was so easy and quickly prepped within fifteen minutes.  We did eat a delicious soup Thursday (still have leftovers - but soup leftover is yummier than the original meal as the flavors deepen and blend). 

Speaking of prepping veggies which helps keep me on track to eating healthier.  The veggie (or I should say fruit) of the week was the graffiti eggplant.  How fun!  Eggplant is delicious produce that I enjoyed stewed, roasted, grilled, fried, and baked. The graffiti eggplant has an interesting outer layer.  The peel is either ivory with purple stripes or purple with ivory stripes.  The texture was super smooth; almost plastic - like.  Otherwise the graffiti eggplant is very similiar to the classic eggplant.  So to test out our new produce we oven roasted the eggplant with onions, mushrooms, and peppers drizzled with olive oil and balsamic vinegar.  YUM!  We treated it like a salad and let it cool in the fridge as a side to our turkey meatloaf.  The roasted produce had a tangy but sweet flavor with great textures of soft and chewy (eggplant and mushrooms) with a little bite (peppers and onions). 

The moral of the story - a little prep work in the kitchen eases the cooking decision.  I know it sounds like work and it takes a little bit of effort.  But if you can spare that ten - fifteen minutes the night before after your belly is satisfied.  It will save time (why debate the choice if the food is already prepped) and you can do the fun stuff right away (stirring and mixing and cooking) and money is easier to hang unto when you aren't paying someone else to feed you.

May your HealthFULL Journey include treats, wisdom, and effort. 'Til we meet again. . .

Diet vs. Lifestyle

I vowed when I started this blog that this was a HealthFULL Journey not a quick fad diet nor an easy fix.  This was meant to be a lifestyle change so that I could fully understand life by living and not a life hidden away waiting for that perfect dress size or pretty picture.  It was to be experienced and not a pause button.  How can one tell the difference between a diet and a habit?  A fad vs a lifestyle?  Its not easy.  Because a dedicated dieter can easily replicate a lifestyle but like every copy there are slight flaws, slight details that stand out glaringly when examined.  I have fallen into the trap of fads and diets on this journey but I keep looking for those habits that can truly lead to a lifestyle change. 

Something today clicked for me.  We as a family were shopping at one of those warehouse stores that sell in bulk.  For the item to truly be a bargain you have to commit to incorporating the item into your daily needs.  Otherwise it is waste.  Well as I am learning food choices that best meet my needs there are a couple of staples that make for easy choices in my day to day meal planning.  Some of these include guacamole (all natural ingredients), mixed nuts, and some produce favorites (such as mushrooms and asparagus).  As we are picking up these new household staples there are numerous landmines of samples.  A dieter might claim these samples don't really count for calories during the day for many humorous reasons - not full serving sizes, negative calories once you count the walking around the warehouse between samples, that it is free food, counts as the snack missed this morning, and so on.  However, these samples are "REAL" calories with "REAL" carbs and "REAL" fat.  Samples are given as a sales ploy.  If I was dieting I would probably either mindlessly snack on these treats or avoid them all together and pat myself on the back.  Then leave the store and purchase a treat as a reward for my true dedication.  I ate one sample and not even the whole thing.  Out of at least eight samples I tried one.  I saw the other seven but made conscious choices that only one deserved my attention.  The one sample I tried was for salmon on a cracker.  I would most likely not buy the crackers but might possibly incorporate the salmon in future meals (the salmon was really salty and that was without the cracker!).  But the other seven were either really fatty, high in carbs (there was a granola sample - talk about pure carbs!) or both. They are not products I plan to purchase so why even tempt myself if they're good and if they're not; why waste the calories?

I have repeated this line several times to remind myself I am not limiting myself or starving myself but I am choosing for my health and a better life.  "I can eat anything but I choose not to eat everything." I could eat a whole cake if I wanted, but I choose not to because of my health.  A dieter feels limited with rules and punishments.  A lifestyle is full of choices and opportunities.  When I choose to avoid certain foods, I am creating a better life for myself.  When I pick out fruits and veggies I am allowing my body to get stronger and healthier because of the vitamins and minerals present.

Those samples could have been my pitfalls.  Oh and temptation will always be a part of life.  But with informed choices and diligent observation I can step aside.  We see the obstacles in our daily lives.  We see cracks in the sidewalk, we noticed left out toys, and we tell ourselves don't forget to avoid the pitfalls.  And even after we saw the obstacle and tell ourselves to change our path we charge directly into the holes on our path.  We get frustrated but hope we remember next time.  Sometimes, that next time we do remember and do sidestep those holes.  Not every time do we remember, but when we do it makes us not only stronger but wiser.  For every stumble there is an opportunity to grow, to choose, and then to move accordingly.  Maybe your stumbling block is starving yourself.  You need to eat  - that can be your step forward.  Maybe your stumbling block is not knowing your nutritious choices - sit down and do some research.  Perhaps you feel alone, call a friend.  For every problem there is a solution. There is a way to avoid your pitfall, if you are ready to not diet but to change your lifestyle.

May your HealthFULL Journey contain few pitfalls.  'Til we meet again. . .

And God Laughs. . .

You remember the last good joke you heard?  Do you notice the difference of your reaction from the first time you heard the joke from the second?  I am talking a doozy of a joke that you can't wait to repeat and even when telling it you chuckle because you know the punchline.  Well God decided to share a joke with me - we'll call it Friday the 14th :)  Oh  how God chuckled throughout the day knowing the punchline.  I however nervously tittered throughout the day with a few tears springing to my eyes as I "waited" with anticipation for the punchline.  Let's see if you appreciate the punchline. . .

Now I have been recently diagnosed with diabetes and I am treating the diagnosis as not a horror show tragedy but a wake up call.  So like a good girl I have been to the doctor and following up as requested.  I had labs scheduled for a quick draw of blood after fasting to see where my body stands now: Cholesterol, Iron Levels, and so on.  No problem I pass the hospital on my way to work.  I'm in, I'm out, and bada bing on the way to work.  Oh but see I did not realize that I had a day of fun planned.  As part of my follow up my doctor requested that I drop off my blood sugar numbers from the previous week and half to see how I am doing.  I drop off the numbers and found out that I was early to my lab appointment as I was suppose to be there where I dropped off the numbers.  I thought I was suppose to go across the street.  Bonus for me - Today is my lucky day (God must have just roared at that thought!)  The receptionist tells me to take a seat and I will be called shortly.  Tick tock goes the clock over and over - the minutes slowly tick away.  Well here comes ten o'clock the time I am suppose to BE AT WORK.  Thirty minutes have passed and still no one has called my name.  And just as I am about to stand up to see what is going on a technician walks out and calls my name and another person's.  I think. . . It was quietly spoken, and the technician did not come into the waiting room, just the hallway and I have a semi popular last name. I go to the spot that I think I heard my name.  Nobody there and the doors have shut to the lab.  I look around questioningly - like a lost puppy and a woman who looks like she means business comes out of a different doorway looks me up and down - I must have passed the test of someone who looks like they are ready to have blood drawn - And barks out "Sullivan?"  Yes ma'am reporting for duty ma'am.  Let's do this and then an older lady catches up to us and follows us.  And then we both go into the lab room passing the lab waiting room.  I think "Oh, maybe I was supposed to wait there. Maybe that's what the receptionist meant when she said "have a seat".  She probably meant " go around these cubicles, take a right , walk down the hallway, go through the double locked doors and take a left and have a seat in the lab waiting area."  I just miss such obvious directions.  I have never had a double date when I have had blood drawn.  Not a huge fan I must say.  I am a bit nervous to have my own blood drawn (this may be because it usually takes several attempts, a couple of insults due to small, wiry, twisty veins, and a few bruises).  The other lady gets to go first so I get to be extra nervous. I'm from the North where we tend to be conservative and pride ourselves on letting everyone have their privacy unlike the tendency in the South to be open and personable, and share personal details.  I am trying to look at the floor, the ceiling, look "friendly" but not nosy.  She gets to leave quickly.  And then my turn.  But wait to keep things moving they call back another person.  No problem.  Oh but it is an elderly lady with a daughter as her escort.  A feisty daughter who starts to get into a passive agressive verbal battle with the technician.  Awesome.  Please upset the lady who is about to draw my blood.  Thank you. Wait, what is the technician grabbing.  A cup?  Oh no no no! I was not told about this part.  I am suppose to just have blood drawn.  Nope a urine sample too.  Yippee!  This Friday morning is getting better and better and I am already ten minutes late to work plus the drive. I hurry out of the clinic after my morning of fun.  Get to my truck and turn the key.  Roar of engine oh wait.  No that is the sound of nothing.  Turn the key again.  Yeah that is not the sound of a running engine.  Okay I will call hubby.  Cell phones are great.  No answer. I'll try again. Nope still no answer.  Keep it together Suzy!  Alright I will walk home as I don't live too far.  I drive by the hospital everyday and count it three blocks away.  In reality it is closer to a mile and half.  A little morning jaunt, with my purse, my lunch, my sweatshirt, and my bright blue bandage over where blood was drawn.  I was grateful to my shoe choice as they were canvas tennis shoes and not dress shoes.  Look at me still smiling.  And I even laughed with God.  How fun I am getting my work-out this morning.  Did I mention it was a fasting blood draw?  So I am starving and walking home,  I reach my hubby on the phone half way home - he is getting ready for work and it will be faster for me to walk home then him to finish getting ready and grab our son and drive to pick me up.  I agree (in a mumbly sort of way - the novelty of being assertive and seizing the opportunity is dwindling away with each passing step.).  I reach home and greet my favorite guys.  Who my son laughed in delight, my husband laughed, (God must have already shared the punchline with them) and I did that half smile/half cry.  We hop in the car and check on the truck.  My hubby is able to jump start the truck.  Yay hubby.  And we test out his handi-work.  We turn off the truck and try to restart it.  No go!  Okay we jump the truck again, victory!  But both of us work about fifteen miles away from home - interstate wise- not really safe to drive a vehichle that requires a jump start to get moving.  We get the truck home.  We then drop our son off for daycare and then drive my hubby to work and then I turn around to go to work. 

God was enjoying how he was building the punchline that he added a couple hours of extra fun.  As I was checking back in with work running close to three hours late - FANTASTIC! I find out I have three days worth of work sitting on my desk.  At this point - this simply can't be true.  I knew my boss was joking.  Except she wasn't laughing.  I got off the phone and was done.  I no longer carried the smile on my face, or the nodding of the head like good one.  No in my heart I felt like how a ticklefest goes one second to long, the teasing one time too many, or the prank that has too much clean-up.  Moments that were meant for levity that go so wrong in the blink of an eye because reality became too much.  That workload was the straw that broke the camel's back.  Because   I had been looking forward to three hours of uninterrupted time at home by myself before this day started.  Three hours of no cleaning, no listening for the baby, or helping my husband.  But just some quiet me time.  And when I heard that work announcement - poof the dream floated away. 

I arrived at work - late, knowing what awaited for me.  Yet, I was in a bit of denial.  I was hoping there had been a misunderstanding, a little stretch of the truth, or even that the work fairy had waved their magic wand.  But no, there was that much work to do (Secretly I still hoped to sneak out for a little hour or two of peace and quiet at home).  Here we go.    My office was phenomenal coming to my rescue but the hours flew by and my dreams faded away.  I worked up to the minute that I had to leave to pick up my son and then drive fifteen miles out of the way to pick up hubby.  And finally, home.  Sweet sweet home. 

What's the punchline?   Well the night before my hubby and I prayed the same prayer.  Our little one was under the weather, tugging his ears and running a fever.  We know he is teething but weren't sure if he was doing these things in response to that.  Or not feeling well.  As mommy do I keep him home and stay with him?  Or send him to his grandma's.  So the prayer we both said was "God please keep our son healthy.  And make it "PERFECTLY CLEAR" what Suzy should do with her day".  Get it?  God never gave me a moment of doubt about where I was supposed to be.  Our son slept soundly throughout the night and woke up with no fever so I didn't have to worry about if I should keep him home or not.  From the minute I woke up until the minute I got home I was on autopilot.  I had choices in my day but not really.  I could have waited at the hospital and not walked home.  But I possibly could have missed my hubby as his cell doesn't receive all calls.  We could have driven the truck but wouldn't know what would happen.  My choices left little doubt what to do and where to be.  I told you God laughed.  But then he knew the punchline.  Now I can tell the story with a smile because I too know the punchline and its a doozy.

May your HealthFULL Journey be filled with punchlines and laughter.  'Til we meet again. . .

A Little Exercise with a side of Turban Hash

            When counting my blessings I always thank God for my beautiful son and I also am grateful for those times when he naps.  This morning he woke up adorable ready for his bottle and why shouldn't he be refreshed?  As my li'l one decided at two nineteen this morning to wake up his mama after he crawled into bed at one eleven.  And then continued to stay awake for over an hour playing to his heart's content.  Needless to say after he took his bottle and began to look drowsy I was ecstatic to put him down for a morning nap.  A part of me desperately wanted to nap too.  But these days (with an infant on the move) if I hope to get anything accomplished I must utilize naptime for my priorities.  And priority number one was to get in some exercise. 

I quickly got myself ready after a five minute sit down whine to myself if I really did want to choose exercise over nap.  I did (at least after a very convincing argument from the angel on my right side - though temptation on the left side had some fine points!).  I dusted off the Wii Fit, well not dusted but did move some craft projects off the Wii Board.  My Wii shamed me into guilty feelings as it welcomed me back after 82 days.  Sorry Wii Fit, I forget that you count our days apart.  Lost a tish of a weight but was psyched about how good it felt to move.  I did some yoga where my instructor bailed.  I love you Nintendo people you make me laugh.  I use the female avatar trainer and the male trainer asked if it was okay if he subbed in. Too funny!  I moved thirty five minutes.  To end my work outs I usually use the balance games as cool downs.  There is one where you are to lean into the soccer ball while avoiding the clutter thrown (panda heads and shoes).  Do you know which position is the hardest for me to hit the soccer ball?  Standing still/straight - Have no issue with the leans to the left and to the right but if it is coming to me straight on I miss it every time.  Seems like an interesting metaphor.  I believe effort needs to be involved (sometimes too much effort) before I can acknowledge the rewards even when blessings are lining up to smack me right in the forehead. But this was this morning.

For my evening we tried our new veggie for the week.  A Turban Squash which we made into a hash.  If you ever see a Turban squash you have to stop and admire one.  They are beautiful, comical, and charming.  Their taste is good for those who like squash.  Preparing one of these is beastly which is why most people use them for decoration. When I picked it up from the grocery store they asked if it was for decoration or is it edible?  I chuckled and said "I am not sure." Which they responded with quizzical looks.  Why buy something if you don't know its use? Good question!  I admit I bought it because of its appearance and immediately upon my arrival home I looked up if it could be eaten.  Yes, recipes - excellent as it was bought to be the veggie of the week.  One great thing about winter squash is if properly stored and depending on the condition of the squash it can be kept several months.  Which is good.  Because my shopping and my cooking rarely meet as intended.  So tonight it was decided we would have squash - now to just find the right recipe.  I have read most squashes are interchangeable.  Therefore I picked out a hash recipe intended for butternut squash.  No biggie right?  Biggie!  This squash is a monster to prepare.  That beautiful crown/turban top - a beast to cut through!.  There is an obvious top and bottom to this squash and the top did not look very appealing.  So I chopped off the top and then the peel - oh my goodness at moments it felt like it was shellacked with a heavy duty plastic as the coating is quite thick for a squash.  And my poor peeler surrendered several times through the process but I muddled on.  Great we have peeled and lost the hat at this point.  What's next?  Well I was going for a hash so now we grate and grate and grate some more.  Buiding muscle, getting tired, and muttering why do I have these crazy brainstorms.  Should have just halved it and threw it in the oven to bake.  Easy - but no I wanted to attempt a hash.  Once I have enough grated I cubed the other portion.  Because that is one advantage to squash there is lots to work with usually.  Are we done?  Oh No!  Now we must remove the moisture.  Here is the second reason Turkish Turban Squash was not intended to be a hash.  They carry a lot of moisture - a lot!  Like past the point of ten paper towels soaking up its excess water.  Do you know what is the most popular recipe for Turkish Turban Squash? Soup.  You know why?  Because you don't have to peel the squash as you use it for the bowl because of its interesting exterior and that it brings a lot of richness with its moist flesh.  And its pros for soup making make turban squash are negatives for hash.  But I persist because I got this harebrained idea this would be a simple side for a simple dinner.  (Oh how I laugh at that thought now - a good hearty laugh!).  It was a tasty hash with simple ingredients after the squash prep.  The flesh was a beautiful deep yellow grated into hearty shreds, add some chopped onions with salt, pepper and both onion and garlic powder.  I think a dash of a nice potent spice would have added a tish more depth - like ginger or nutmeg.  But just a smidge - as the flavor is delicately balanced between savory and sweet.  But from I read on other blogs is that over cooking can create a bitterness but a steam or oven baked for the proper time can create a real nuttiness.  With a hash it barely got warm and was a little too wet to get that crispiness in the pan.  It was tasty, not tasty enough to outweigh the prep work.  But if you invited me over to have some turban squash I would probably go back for seconds.  I might lean towards a soup with my left over "squash cubes".  Lesson learned.  And that comes from experience.  So thumbs up on the turban squash taste - but definitely used the wrong recipe, thank goodness there can always be a next time.

May your HealthFULL Journey delight your senses and teach you through missteps and slam dunks.  'Til we meet again. . .

Measuring Up

I did something so shocking this evening I didn't even realize what I was doing until I was done.  I measured gravy for my dinner.  We had a delicious roast that stewed in the crockpot all day long with its vegetable friends including potatoes (yes carb alert!), onions, and mushrooms.  (Oh how I love mushrooms and thankfully they are low in carbs.)  The house smelled delicious and welcoming on a cool rainy autumn day.  My hubby whipped up a gravy and I turned to my trusty carb counter book to best calculate my carbs for supper.  I double-checke with my hubby that he quartered the potatoes to estimate my best count there.  I began loading my plate counting my potatoes and then reached into a drawer to measure out not quite two tablespoons of gravy.  First that more than was enough gravy.  Had I not grabbed the tablespoon I easily would have slathered double if not triple the amount of gravy. I do enjoy dips, sauces, and spreads that's why I need the spoon because my eyes like  to up the ante.  Also, did you hear how easy it was to measure something?  When people start to feel defensive about their eating choices, many bring up they can't be hassled with scales, counts, and measuring devices.  Is it really the equipment; the numbers?  Or is it the relinquish of control?  Or that fantasy plays better than reality?  Real measurements rarely match our eyeball estimates.  A teaspoon easily becomes a tablespoon, a quarter cup easily grows to a cup, a pint of ice cream becomes 1 - 2 servings maximum, but if you read the label it was designed for four servings. 

Do I plan to measure every meal I eat? No.  But it doesn't hurt to re-train my eye estimates.  And the hassle? Ten seconds to retrieve the measuring spoon from the drawer, dip into the gravy (I had to somehow move the gravy from the pan to my plate anyway) and then rinse spoon and place in dishwasher.  It really didn't take time out of my day.  It didn't burden me with obstacles and riddles. It was an action that barely registered a thought. 

If I want different results than what I have already attained, I have to do different things; not just think about different things, not just try different things, but actually commit to new actions to create changed results.  Not every action will be stellar.  But it will help me move forward in this HealthFULL Journey.

May your own HealthFULL Journey measure up to all of your expectations. 'Til we meet again. . .

Ahhh the "Con" of Convenience

Well if you have read some of my other blog entries you may have read that I am recently diagnosed with diabetes.  I have ran with my denial long enough and am working at gaining control of my blood sugar and my health.  I have felt two extremes from this recent diagnosis. That debilitating illness and bitter enemy that ends sugar.  That dynamic influence aiding better efforts that encourage success. Both spell diabetes and either outlook can be a choice.  One can choose to succumb to the diagnose and can continue on their same path.  Or can take the diagnosis as a wake-up call.  Currently I feel 85% on board with the wake-up call and allow myself the occasional pity party ( I do love me a good pity party now and again :)  Don't get me wrong I miss the sweet taste and comforting starches, but what I really miss?  The convenience!  Oh when you wipe away high carb choices our pantry looks almost empty, so do restaurant choices, and 90% of a grocery store is off limits.  Good-bye pizza, pasta, rice, breads, and potatoes!  Eek!  Did you read those options?  I honestly believe in the previous six months of dinners (we'll say 180) my husband and I have included one of those ingredients/entrees for 165 of them.  If not all 180!  Why?  Because they are quick, easy to pull a meal together, and satisfying.  Can a meal get simpler than pulling a frozen pizza out of the freezer and heat up in the oven?  Not that I have found. 

This means when it comes to meal we have to pull out our thinking caps.  There can be creative ways around the carbs to pull out classic favorites.  Substitute spaghetti squash for pasta (though squash still is high in carbs it does carry the benefit of fiber).  I read a recipe where you treat flattened chicken like your pizza crust and cover it with some sauce, toppings, and cheese.  Sounds good.  But we aren't quite there yet in our meal preparation.  We are still being conned by convenience.  Rice dishes and pasta still call our names.  Pizza still beckons from the freezer section.  Even fruits get in their two cents about how they're healthy (but many exceed carb counts).  I love bananas but I am very picky about their color, size, and taste.  One banana usually exceeds snack proportions and I need something a little more filling for breakfast.  And to leave half for the next day isn't going to happen - talk about waste. Because well I still fall for their call.  And yet I can't break their peel knowing they are packed with carbs (and a million other wonderful benefits) but for right now I am focusing on my carb counts as I get my blood sugar numbers under control. 

I am a snacker and who doesn't appreciate handy snack portions - like a package of crackers, pudding cups, a snack size bag of chips, or my favorite - Little Debby?  Most of these are automatic no-nos according to my carb breakdowns for the day.  There are some "cheats"  so I can feel like "me".  But I don't want my carb counts to be slimmed down snack foods and want some of my options to count towards improving my health.  But again the "con" of convenience can knock me off the path with their snack size wrapping and luring promises of being the healthier alternative of their full-flavored carb loaded cousins.  Most of these versions remind you how much you miss the real thing and so in hindsight you either dump the healthier alternative or eat 3 trying to "con"vince yourself that it is almost as good as the real thing. 

This blog isn't about whining though.  Just a reflection that it is easy to tell oneself I miss the sweet flavor and the comfort of starch but if one gets really honest?  Doesn't the convenience factor rank just a bit higher?  The blissfullness of choosing anything one craves and that it comes in handy dandy packages or can be whipped up in a jiffy.  Oh I do miss that. But I love and appreciate more than convenience? Is that I feel I am gaining back energy that I and many sweet treats used to kid that their presence brought.  Saturday I felt like I was actually keeping up with my life and not running behind the bus.  I got major house cleaning done, ran some errands, spent quality time with  my hubby and son, and even found a little quiet time with me, myself, and I.  There is still a long road to follow on this HealthFULL Journey and I feel there will be some surprising turns, hills and dips, but I actually feel I can face it step by step now as this burden of overtiredness, excessive thirst, craving monster, distracted thoughts, slowly fades.  Good Riddance!  And convenience though I know you manipulate and tease I still do appreciate your efforts because sometimes we all need that lift and help that you do occasionally provide.

May your HealthFULL Journey echo success and be immune to the cons of convenience but still have room for those unexpected and appreciated conveniences that share their boost. 'Til we meet again. . .

Crawling

Isn't perspective an amazing tool?  When an adult refers to the pace of crawling it usually means painstakingly slow.  A baby's perspective is that they are zooming with their new acquired skill (parents chasing after them also may think crawling is too fast of pace).  There is a lot of crawling happening in our house.  Our son is having a blast with his new skill.  And more than once I have been in the same room with him and said "where is the baby?"  The kid moves quick!

Last night I felt like I was crawling out of my skin.  I was so hungry!!!! Actually to be truthful I was craving, I was mising my plates of pasta and bowls of ice cream,  sweet juices and unlimited fruit choices, crackling bags of crunchy potato chips.  Oh the list is endless.  In reality, did I NEED any of what I was craving? No.  Did I survive without it?  Barely.  I drove myself nuts and brought my hubby for the drive.  He must have felt like he was trapped in the car with young children who incessantly whine, beg, pout, question, and just babble.  I was trying everything I could imagine to distract myself.  I even tried to go sleep early (I think my hubby was politely removing himself from the incessant chatter.)  But I followed and tossed and turned.  I bolted out of bed grabbed a snack and headed to the tv.  But I left the snack to the side and drank water.  I broke a horrible habit of mine if it was even for one night.  I am so guilty of late night tv watching with a tasty snack (2 or 3) with a soda (or 2).  But I actually watched two episodes and only sipped on water.  I got through my first big night of cravings.  I did snack but within the allotted number of carbs.  I felt a small accomplishment.

Like my son, I am crawling through my days.  Trying to peek around the corners and rediscover the world.  What used to be easy options are no longer so I have to forge new pathways.  I am starting to feel slightly better.  I am drinking less diet soda a day (from 3 - 5 a day down to 1) and as a family we even went for a walk/stroll today.  My blood sugar numbers are declining which is good.  Crawling at times feels like a lot of effort.  But a consistent crawl still gets one to their destination.  So I'll take a cue from my son - enjoy the movement (whether it be forward, backward, or in circles) and discoveries will come, but in their own time.

May your HealthFULL Journey move at the pace of a crawl which includes a variety of perspectives. 'Til we meet again. . .

Let's Get Physical

Bopping around to a true eighties classic.  Can you hear that expression and not think of the song?  No It is impossible. 

So, I did it.  I bit the bullet, swallowed my pride, and actually followed up with a doctor.  And had *cue horror music*  a physical.  I believe it has been close to two decades since I have had one.  And since then I have became an anxious patient with not so good memories of doctor visits.

There was a little slapstick comedy as I tried to arrange this appointment.  I called Monday (as my ER visit was last Friday).  I had several criteria I used to narrow my search as I looked for my own doctor.  I sadly have never had a personal doctor(besides my team for the baby) I never a doctor just for me, Suzy and surely as mom to be Suzy I had zillions it felt like but never a referring physician since I was eighteen.  And I am thirty-one.  Oh I have piggy-backed off of family and friend choices and recommendations but nothing "committed".  Here was my narrowing down (the ER had recommended a branch but that was because they were on-call the night I stopped by the ER so I decided to take matters into my own hands.)  I wanted someone who carried my insurance (I know I am thinking so adult like trying to save thousands of dollars), next I chose proximity (Location! Location! Location!), and finally I wanted and you can call this profiling or prejudice but I decided I wanted a woman to share this journey.  I am a mom, we are going to be discussing weight extensively and I have a lot of factors that tie back to pregnancy,  I want that womanly connection.  It brought me down to one choice.  Excellent - I then pick up the phone to call and got nervous. How do I approach this?  What do I say?  Do I act non chalant or matter of fact - lets get down to business approach?  It really did feel like I was calling to set up a date.  And the response to my call did not ease my anxiety:
Me: Hi! My name is Suzy and I went to the E.R. last Friday and they recommended that I follow up with my physician but I don't have one and I would like to make Dr. X my doctor.  (in one breath)

Response:  Let me understand.  You want to become a new patient for Dr. X?

Me: Yes! Yes I would.

Response:  Okay I will just need to get some information to share with Dr. X and see if she would like to take you on as a new patient.

Me: Okay (but in my head thinking, really?  Like what kind of information - is this like a dating profile and if you don't like my answers you are booked up.  And what kind of patients does the doctor want?  Someone with a lot of ailments that they can write articles and be challenged by or someone who just needs to list a doctor and might be in once a year?)

Response: (asked the basics) and then the essay question portion : for what do you want to see the doctor?

Me: Diabetes

Response:  Any other medical problems?

Me: I am morbidly obese.  (wow did I just say that?  Its true and when I show up in the office if my rose is accepted - I know! I know! Too much reality tv - they'll see for themselves.  But I don't know if I have ever been that honest out loud with another person.  )

Response:  Okay well that should cover everything and someone will let you know soon if you have been accepted and if accepted to schedule your new patient physical.  (Feeling awesome - let my walls down and now I just wait for acceptance or rejection and if accepted my prize is a physical - GO ME!).

Well Tuesday arrives and I see I have a voicemail at 11:45 am.  The office called at 10:10 to schedule me this afternoon at 1:30.  WOW!  (My answers must have been stellar for such quick reply ;)  I arrange it with my boss to take off for the appointment call them back to accept their appointment.  And they had given away my spot.  So I was accepted, I then called to reconfirm my acceptance and then I was rejected but scheduled for a slot in mid-December.  Hmmm.  Okay - that is a lot to process.  Go back to my boss false alarm I'll just continue to do my work - heh heh.  Phone rings at 1:54 pm (I am not making this up) to come into the office for a 2:30pm appointment today.  Oh well that's great except I am at work and it is a 25 minute drive and I have to go back to my boss after my workload has tripled to request leaving within ten minutes of my request.  I am just on fire!!!  But in the back of my head I hear or take your December appointment.  My boss agrees and I try to tidy up my desk as quickly as possible and fly out the door.  I arrive to fill out 8 pages of paperwork - this office is thorough!  And onward through the physical.  It was confirmed that I am diabetic.  (Horrible A1C - but the next one will not only be better but awesome!) and they weren't loving my blood pressure (I think for the exchanges we had in 24 hours I was pretty even keel). 

Not a fan of doctors.  Certainly not a fan of medications.  but I have tried this on my own and it is time to make room in this HealthFULL Journey for those with medical degrees.  How can one succeed if one never tries?  I am gonna give it the old heave ho and we'll see.  This road has had some bumps, mountains, valleys, but not an experience I would have missed.  So I keep traveling, with an open heart, open ears, open eyes, open mind, and hopefully a little wisdom for those moments that require a decision.

May your HealthFULL Journey allow you new experiences, wisdom in all circumstances, and peace for all your choices. 'Til we meet again. . .

Out of sight, out of mind

Oh sweet September where did you go?  So much happened and yet so little too.  Our actions follow our focus and my focus as been everywhere, anywhere, and nowhere.  The month started with a wonderful vacation with our little one down in Florida.  He has officially experienced the beach.  He also saw sharks up close and personal...like three feet away and we didn't even have to pay an admission fee.  I learned many lessons on this special family vacation- it is completely different to be in the parent role vs. the kid role.  I miss the kid role.  I love the carefreeness of having a destination without worry about the details.  I enjoy the play time without distraction of a schedule.  Or concern about prices.  Parents have to figure out this stuff and try hard not to hassle the child with the details.  My husband and I both looked constantly at our watches to figure out meals, beach time, while still penciling in naps, and baths, and yet still look smily for the camera.  It was amazing, but different

I have had many of these perception lessons on this HealthFULL Journey.  And by the end of the month I had an upfront kick in the stomach kind of lesson.  It is time to get focused.  Health matters.  Remember in June I said I hit rock bottom.  Apparently not.  Once again I have left scheduling the doctor appointment on the back burner and it boiled over yesterday.  I had an episode...during the day.....no warning.....at work.   Not fun!  So I ended up in the ER for seven hours and walked away with a prescription.  and a somewhat diagnosis. 

It started with me at work : double-knotted stomach cramps, followed by hands on fire and bright red with a little tingle in the mouth and hands, lots of sweating as if I ran a marathon (which I have never accomplished but imagine I would "glisten" this much"), and the urge to take a nap on the cool bathroom tile as my light-headedness increased.  It was tempting (gross idea) but in the moment sounded heavenly.  Why did I not actually crumple to the floor?  Because it would be awkward to describe my actions and the place will give you the heebie jeebies when one feels well.  I attempted returning to my desk and finishing my work.  But I was still feeling bad, still sweating, and couldn't divide thoughts in my head.  No multi-tasking bragging rights here.  My only focus was to get home to get to the hospital.  I don't know if we ever outgrow the need for family - as a kid I wanted my mommy when I was sick - I now choose my hubby.  Someone to answer those tough questions (age, allergies, history)  when all I want to do is nap.  After alarming my office as I tried to downplay the fact that I was sweating like a linebacker I focused on driving which took all my mental capacity.  I picked up my husband and went to the ER.  We arrived and only one person sat in the waiting room.  My information was immediately taken upon arrival.  Things were looking good.  We were informed there would be a slight wait.  No problem (30  40 minutes) but we're optimists.  Ha ha ha on my optimism.  Several people came in immediately after me - some with blood exposed and they were seen before me.  I get it my symptoms had subsided.  But figured  I should still see a doctor and figure out what had happened.  Two hours pass (a couple visits to the front desk - any ideas about when we'll be seen?  No? Great. . .so we wait - tick tock tick tock - losing my mind.  And then they call my name - but do I hear it?  No I had given up hope and was ready to head home.  False alarm let's catch a nap.  But he was persistent and I moseyed over to him.   I was feeling better but still off.  He escorts me to a room - mentions he'll move the curtain to cover up the window.  And mentions the camera in the corner.  By the way we use this room for our mental patients.  Awesome!  And I feebly attempt a joke - Well nice to know what you think of me. The nurse gets a bit defensive and semi yells Its the only room we have open.  Thank you. Finally a bed to lay down.  Another forty-five minutes pass and a nurse who either was unhappy to be there or just had one of those days takes my history.  (Don't you love with this new technology you still tell your symptoms and allergies at least three - four times?)  Then the P.A.  comes in shortly after and says "All I know if you feel strange".  Great (found out at the end of the day this is what they wrote in my chart - reason for being seen: the patient states "Feels strange".  Awesome - now I do really question the reason for the mental patient room.  Well after my fourth chat about the symptoms the PA decides to run blood tests, urine sample, and to give me fluids.  This is how I know I wasn't completely on my "A" game, it took me three whole minutes upon her departure that I realized what she said.  "Give me fluids".  Wait a minute - does that mean an IV?  I asked my hubby and he nodded that is usually what that means.  Ohhhh I hate needles, shots, IVs!  I have squiggly veins according to most nurses.  I am so blessed!  Well we got through that event without too much drama.  And the result . .. it appears I had an episode of too high blood sugar.  And with a couple of other facts about my medical history it appears I am diabetic.  This isn't like a gasp moment of shock.  But it is a head down, hmmm really?  Like I don't want it to be true but it makes sense.  So they sent me off with a prescription and advice to find a doctor.  It only took six 1/2 hours, three administrative personnel, six nurses, one P.A., one doctor, and one call to the pharmacy. 

Here it is - my gift, my motivation, my warning to set my health as a priority so that the blessing in my life count and that I can enjoy them now and many many more years to come.  It means exercise, it means nutritious choices, it means check-ups, and it means making smart choices now.  I am not cheering for this news but I am accepting it.  No more snoozes with this wake-up call.  I ask you to join me in this HealthFULL Journey once again, especially now that stakes are so real. . .

May your blessings come when needed, your loved ones gather when you can cherish them, and that every day you feel gratitude in your heart.  "Til we meet again. . .