Chasing a Dream? Or Just my tail?

Its easy to be "busy".  Its easy to feel so important that the world will cave in if I personally don't hold the sky above my shoulders.  Its easy to fill up a calendar.  Its easy to overlook the details because too much is demanding our attention.  Its easy to get distracted by mindnumbing activities (Facebook? Pinterest? TV? Anyone?) Its easy to snap at our loved ones because the world is begging for our time, our money, and our opinions.  But you know what is not easy?  Honestly answering why do we keep so busy?  Do we have to serve on four committees to impress our peers?  Do we have to keep an immaculate house just in case company stops by?  Do we have to squeeze in two extra hours of work to please our bosses?  Do we have to say yes to every person who calls in hopes of a favor? 

The answer: No.  But the reality - Usually we accept the responsibility on your shoulders with pride, determination, and pure stubbornness.  And crazy thing when you carry a ton of weight on your shoulders we get tired.  And what happens to people when they get tired?  They tend to get cranky!  So we accept these extra duties that we didn't have to accept.  We then our tired and cranky for those we love because of all the extra work we're doing.  And then they get cranky because they are getting less of our time, but all of our crabbiness and they too have accepted too much responsibility. 

Don't get me wrong.  There are favors we should grant.  And cleaning should absolutely happen in a household.  And there are times it would be a good idea to work those extra hours at our jobs.  But not every favor and not every day.  We need to evaluate how we should answer the requests.  By accomplishing this task am I chasing a dream?  or just my tail?

What's the difference?  Chasing a dream means you are working towards goals you have for yourself.  Perhaps you want to get healthier and build stronger friendships. So you join a gym and ask a good friend to work out with you. This is working towards a goal and therefore chasing a dream.  Grabbing fast food for the third time in a week because you couldn't possibly find time to stop at the grocery store.  You are not only avoiding your goal but moving away from your dream - but still moving in constant "busy" motion - means you are chasing your tail.  You are doing a lot of "work" but not really moving towards what you want to accomplish.  You're stuck in a horrible whirlwind of chasing your tail. 

We can chase several dreams at once but we need to know our dreams.  And once we establish what we truly desire.  And I say this again - once we understand what we truly crave can we figure out the best way to make our dreams come true.  Its easy to say we want more money.  Well does that mean you don't have enough money to purchase goods you desire (better car, house, more trips?)  Or you want to eliminate debt? Or you feel your time at work is worth more?  These problems could be addressed with more money in the household but each dilemma means there is a different desire at the true root of our craving.  We don't necessarily want more money - we crave freedom ( to purchase our wants on a whim), we crave peace (from the never-ending bills, stretched relationships,) or we crave recognition (for our hard work).  

Life is too short!  Don't waste your precious time chasing your tail in hopes to impress those that really don't matter and get busy chasing your dreams.

May your HealthFULL Journey reveal truth about what really matters to you so that you can avoid the trap of chasing your tail. 'Til we meet again . . .

The Broken Umbrella

Oh if my life was a movie this week... cue into the closing scene where a woman walks down the sidewalk in front of her office building with a bounce in her step and a giggle on her lips.  Now if this truly was a movie the woman would be 5' 11" just over a hundred pounds in a gorgeous trench coat- fantastic make-up and perfectly coiffed hair possibly a french twist, mega watt smile with a confident stride and the background a slight sprinkle of rain with a touch of sunlight.  But before we go into the fade back let's really examine the final scene.  Because this blog isn't a movie but about my real  HealthFULL journey on how I can Fully Understand Life by Living which means there are lots of these moments.  Here is the true final scene: A heavy set woman, no make-up, a quick ponytail, an awkward pace to her gait, and a giggle bordering between hysteria or tears, with an open broken umbrella and a gloomy gray sky with spurts of wind. Now the choices that lead into this scene.

Its Monday because this is real life and real life seems to come together harshly this particular time of the week.  We are approaching wintertime here in the South and instead of facing a harsh blizzard we tend to see a lot of drizzly depressing rainy days.  This would be one of those days.  I hate driving the truck in rain.  The accelerator tends to stick when it gets a little chilly and the automatic truck pretends it is a bucking bronco. Not fun!  But as I pull into our parking lot - wait for it I actually have an umbrella on me.  This is news because for seven years of our marriage - my husband and I did not own a single umbrella.  But I now own one that matches my purse.  Fancy I know!  My hubby calls it my little umbrella and I love it...or I did, but I am getting ahead of myself.

Work begins and time passes.  The minutes tick down and the clock is nearing break time.  Oh I so have the Monday blahs.  Its cold out and rainy.  No walk I pout, stomp, and whine I don't wanna.  But don't want to do something doesn't mean I can't.  That I am physically unable.  And I realized that as an adult I can't give into my teenage rebellion or even my child-like tantrum just because I don't feel it.  Sometimes we have to weigh our wants vs. our goals vs. our needs.  I didn't want to walk but after my high blood sugar reading (the highest I have had in over a month) I needed to walk and that my goal is to lead a healthier lifestyle.  Well grab the umbrella because we are going for a walk : sunshine, rain, or snow pull on the tennis shoes we're hitting the pavement.  Did I have other options then walking outside?  Absolutely!  I could have walked the steps in our five story building (they are bit daunting and creepy).  I also could have stretched in my cubicle for fifteen minutes but who wants to create that kind of scene.  No I'll take my cute little umbrella and walk.

It felt good the first break.  There is something about the smell of rain that is energizing as everything is refreshed.  The confidence building as I did something good for myself and I didn't even want to do it.  But I dug deep and accomplished my goal.  Its that first step willing to embrace the activity, isn't it.  I convinced myself go outside.  If you only walk once around the building so be it.  But my body craved movement and once the first step happened it was easier to follow it with 1500 more.  Great first break.

The day continues on and the afternoon break looms before me.  I silently debate my options.  I already had fifteen minutes under my belt.  Do I really have to commit another fifteen in the rain?  Yes because I knew I was working late, when I get home I will be exhausted and on mommy/wife time.   So if I wanted to get my full thirty minutes in for the day this would most likely be my last shot.  Plus it really was refreshing the first break.  Grab my tennis shoes and adorable umbrella one more time.  Hmm...the grayness seems a little darker.  The wind has picked up a little speed and an extra chill as I sink a little deeper into my coat.  One time around the building done.  I am feeling a shot of pride, a bounce in my step as my confidence grows and as I am too busy applauding myself a lot happens.  I notice the wind is picking up my umbrella and flinging it around.  I see one of the spokes has bent and then one final gust pulls the umbrella out of my hand as I simultaneously trip over the sidewalk.  (The same sidewalk that I have walked numerous times all of a sudden has a crack that raises three inches off the ground just enough for my shoe to catch it and stub my toe).  I lose the umbrella to the ground as I stumble three steps forward bracing myself for the inevitable fall and side step my umbrella (I don't want to break it) and the wind carries my friend away into the street into upcoming traffic as I twirl to catch both my balance and in a half-hearted attempt to catch my little umbrella.  I watch in horror as a SUV comes racing down (or driving normal speed)  bee-line towards my umbrella and I wondered if there was any possible way my umbrella could be spared and if not; Can an open umbrella hurt a moving SUV?  There was something child-like as I wanted to race into the street and save my priced possession like a child does their ball.  But miracles of miracles the umbrella is spared.  I grab the umbrella and race to safety.  As I turn the final corner towards my office building.  It was like I was not only in a movie but a cartoon as I look up into my umbrella.  As I gaze upwards one spoke (not the bent one) drops into two pieces.  I try to close the umbrella to see the damage and there is one side that sticks out now with the two pieced spoke and the bent spoke and I do the only thing that seems natural.  I giggle at my blessed misfortune.  Yes I tripped.  I lost my umbrella.  And my umbrella broke.  But I walked for thirty minutes.  I actually had a working umbrella for 28 of those minutes.  My umbrella did not get run over (and I didn't have to pay for any damage towards an expensive looking SUV).  And though I tripped, I didn't fall nor sustain any true injury. Well a little bruise to the pride as I was beginning to think I was all that and a bag of chips.  But a near fall and a broken umbrella bring me back to reality.  So Broken Umbrella thank you for the memories, the lessons, and the humility.

May your HealthFULL Journey be full of opportunities that lift you up and catch you when you fall. 'Til we meet again. . . 

Stupid Pothole!

You've seen 'em.  But have you fallen trap to the potholes in your life?  I am talking figuratively and literally here.  It has been two weeks and the real life pothole I hit still haunts me and my car.  With the holiday season I feel I am hitting a lot of potholes.  I have tried to throw on a smile, count my blessings, and hope for better.  But sometimes you need a moment to acknowledge and even yell at the pothole.  The pothole caused me stress in several ways.  I was driving to work early.  Which right there tends to not work in my favor.  We had been told to come in an hour and half late.  I figured I could at least be on time if not a tish early.  I am driving down the interstate.  Go to switch lanes as I am not a right lane driver.  And as I begin to accelerate to switch lanes, I check my blind spot only to turn in enough time to see my car is about to hit a huge pothole.  I have enough time to tense my body and see the pothole but not enough to react.  Ker-PLUNK.  Oh no.  Please Onyx the Smokemobile be okay.  Please.  PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE!  Okay all tires still moving three seconds past the kerplunk.   Maybe just maybe I can breathe normally again.  Oh no here comes the exclamation point light with a loud series of beeps.  This means my car is upset with my choice and needs pronto care.  I have accepted in this world there are three topics that my brain does not compute.  I have accepted and try to avoid the topics.  You can use kindergarten language and I will not comprehend possibly my ignorance, possibly my stubbornness.  Those three topics are : Directions (I married a human compass), Computers(Ironic as I do data entry for my job), and Cars (sad because I have had lots of car problems in my lifetime).  So when my car yells at me.  I pull over on the INTERSTATE.  Because this doesn't happen on a nice quiet suburb street with speed limits of 25 mph.  But where the speed limit is 60 and you know people are passing me at 80 mph easily.  I scoot over my car seat to examine my tires.  What am I looking for?  I have no idea.  A huge gash, I touch the tires firmness, kick a few and climb back into my car to call my husband and cry.  This is how I handle car problems.  I used to call my dad but now with my mature age I call my spouse.  I am thinking of any way in the world he could handle this problem and I could be on my way to work.  In less than a year I have had to call my work and explain my abscence/tardiness on car problems at least three maybe four times.  All true.  But still how understanding can my company be?   But my hubby convinces me to put on my big girl britches and get the car to the tire place.  However with my crying and procrastinating the tire has begun to leak.  I now officially have a flat tire as I find out as I start driving on the interstate.  I beg for the car to hold on.  As I slowly descend on the front driver side.  As I wait at the stop light at the first available exit ramp where the tire place is located I feel my car slowly shift down.  Even a fellow driver lowers his window to offer his expertise that my tire is indeed flat.  I nod with my teary eyes and he thumbs ups me.  Good I am glad our exchange has warranted a thumbs up.  I felt like a hand gesture as well but as I had a death grip on the steering wheel in determined prayer and hope that the car will just last to the car place.  I reach my destination (thank you GPS for your assistance).  I grab my tire consultant.  He escorts me to my car and asks if I was using my spare but he was able to answer his own question.  Thank goodness as my eyes already moisten over with my lack of knowledge.  Did I just hurt my tire which we have a lifetime guarnantee as we have had three nails in the tire issue again in under a year (thanks neighbors for all getting your roofs redone!)  Oh no I damaged two rims pretty severely and as they can't match the rims exactly we might want to purchase four new rims.  Oh goody.  Stupid pothole!  He helps me and in ten days the tires worked well.  I was a little late for work but life went on.  But starting Thanksgiving.  We hear this rubbing, colliding, tumbling sound from the rear tire.  We take it in to the tire shop not once but twice.  The experts hear nothing.  To me and my husband it sounds like we are about to lose the wheel on left handed turns and big bumps in the road.  I could probably drive it to work but I am opting for the older truck (1995 vs 2008).  I don't think work would appreciate a fourth call pertaining to vehichle issues.  And I am not willing to risk my safety on two different interstates with the mystery sound.  Stupid pothole!    So you have hear my literal pothole issue. 

Let's discuss those figurative potholes.  Those food temptations that are too powerful to ignore.  Those emotional triggers that cause rash reactions.  Those stressful issues that overload positive actions.  Those demanding unexpected bills that require as much attention as the routine bills.  And illness that renders daily schedules and lists useless.  I have recently dealt with a cold but what was even more demanding of attention was my son's illness.  My poor li'l guy.  It's official he has dealt with his first illness and it was a doozy.  A rising temp nearing a 104 degrees F (I was terrified as I touched the back of his neck and it burnt my hand), an ear infection, bronchialitis with major congestion and trouble keeping his milk down.  Like I said poor guy.  With my cold and my pothole I was mustering through what I could.  But shut down the world when my son got sick.  He gained my whole attention and everything else faded into the background.  Another pothole. 

Things are improving and thankfully my son is rebounding well.  I have been beating myself up over the backward steps and the non movement forward on my healthfull journey.  Playing the scenarios in my head of different choices I could have made in attempt of missing the potholes.  Sure I could have missed some of them but in return I might have hit others even harder.  I have to remind myself.  The potholes happened. They can't be erased and more will appear.  I can try to swerve but sometimes they can't be avoided.  We have to deal with the repercussions and only once the mess is contained and handled can we press forward once again.  So slowly I am evaluating my position.  How many steps backward did I take?  And how quickly can I get back to the journey? 

May your healthFULL journey contain few potholes.  But when it does I pray that you will gain strength, wisdom, and that you remain as unharmed as possible.  'Til we meet again . . .

Are you Open?

For the most part the word Open has a positive feeling. We hope stores our open. We wait impatiently for elevators and subway cars to open. In sports you tend to get the ball more when you're open. We speak highly of people who remain open-minded or that they love so openly. I think we all can appreciate openness because it means we are allowed entrance. When you open yourself up to another it allows people to share and experience new information, new memories, and most importantly new possibilities. We cannot learn when we are not open. Several years ago I started to close myself off from the world into my own little safe corner. I think one possibility could be in response to losing a lot of people in a short amount of time. It was easier to shut down than to be open about feelings of grief, hurt, pain, and such sadness. It became hard to answer a telephone because who knew what awaited on the other end. But by protecting myself from harm, I lost myself. By opening up about my feelings roughly six weeks ago on Facebook; my world has flipped upside down and all around and I am truly loving it. Things are appearing I would never have seen, had I not opened up my heart and my eyes to see the new world all around me. My fantastic hubby and I spent today being open to new experiences and window shopped and tried new shops. It is interesting to see what is available at all of our fingertips. I hope you find your opened door to a whole new world of possibilities.

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find: knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives: he who seeks finds: and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." Matthew 7:7-8

God bless you my friends on this HealthFULL Journey!