Tresses that were full of Stresses

Oh when I put on my Supermom Jeans I felt powerful and energetic.  After cutting my hair I felt like a brand-new woman!!! The tresses had to go.  I haven't had a proper haircut in two years, maybe a quick trim - two at the most.  That's a lot of time and a lot of damaged hair that held too many stresses.  My hair was the longest it had ever been.  As a society I believe we have taught many people that long hair usually equals a pretty factor.  That there is pride in our locks and it shows we have willpower and patience to grow out our hair.  Or people like me who just don't get around to the hairdresser.  Believe me this haircut is long overdue and been on the to-do list for at least six months.  My poor fantastic hubby patiently listened to every one of my complaints, whines, outbursts about this too long of hair.  He listened as I yakked about how I pulled my hair (accidentally) and my son pulled on my hair (for sport), how the chairs would tug my hair and I would wake-up with headaches as I continually gave myself whiplash as I would roll over my hair and then try to pull my head up.  Argh!  And finally it was time.  I called, I made an appointment and slashed it off my to do list.  The stylist cut my hair within five minutes of my arrival and as soon as that scissor snipped my hair - angels sang and I smiled the mega-watt smile. 

Because it wasn't just hair she cut.  She helped my de-stress the tresses.  That hair held heartache and worry as I would run my hands through my hair as I sang and whispered to my son in the NICU so many months ago.  Those abandoned strands held pain and frustration as I tugged it into a messy bun after my hair being pulled yet again by one of the many sources.  Those locks were loaded with guilt as I hid my face behind them in hopes to fade away from the world.  There were some dark moments these last two years and those hairs held every memory of sadness, every second of anger, and every instance of worry.  It held no joy because I keep that in my heart :)  But the tresses were stressed and therefore became more stress.

Last night I slept like a baby as I drifted into the land of slumber roughly nine o'clock.  Which is crazy unheard of behavior from me.  Which meant I woke up early with energy.  Not anger or frustration at the early rising but well rested and headache free.  I was able to be at my daily goal of seven thousand steps before ten am as I had a work-out with the Bollywood Burn (newest dvd from the library ) and yes it did burn.  I haven't worked-out besides walking in far too long of time.  Good time to mix things up since I was a brand new me :)  Then unto a walk with one of my favorite guys and canine :)  Then for an encore this afternoon I was back to raking.  I did a small section with my supermom jeans but without my stressful tresses I was able to conquer 2/3 of the yard.  Yay! 

Hair does tell a story.  I love how a seasoned hair stylist can read your lifestyle by the state of your tresses.  As we were deciding on cut and color (as I felt two years without a haircut meant there was room to splurge :)  my stylist mentioned how I could pull off a lighter blonde as I had light hair as a kid.  I did.  But I thought that shade was long gone but she knew.  She could tell how many countless tugs of ponytails and buns my hair experienced.  But my hair was telling a different story that I no longer wanted to co-author.  My tresses were displaying all my stresses and resentment and hurt and on and on.  But these days I have a pep to my step and a sappy to my happy :)  It was time to share that story with the world.  Thank you tresses for being a long for the ride - but in the nicest way possible - GOOD RIDDANCE!

May your HealthFULL Journey eliminate the stresses,  polish the tresses, and make you feel like a more joyful energized brand new version of yourself. 'Til we meet again. . .

Under Construction!!!

Oh don't you just cringe at the sign "Detour Ahead"?   Blech!  And we all have our gripes about road construction.  But usually we all want the end results.  Yes we want the wider interstates so there will be less traffic jams and hopefully LESS car accidents.  But we hate the inconvenience.  I want the awesome results just don't mess up my daily routine to get them, right? 

Well as I tend to call this my healthFULL journey I am learning that I want the end results but that means I have to put in the extra work of adding detours and mapping out my new blueprints.  You don't go from 300+ pounds and in two weeks at optimum health looking great in a bikini.  (Although there are a lot of diet pills, scams, and books that want you to believe ANYTHING is possible ;)  But if I want the end result to be better for the future that means some uncomfortable detours now. 

First I have to listen to my body of today.  Yes I want my future lifestyle to include healthy eating and exercise to be my daily fun not my daily chore.  Its getting there, somedays I feel I am there at the end of the construction project and other days I look in the mirror and say "DANGER AHEAD!" . So first I have to eat for this body of today.  Not the one I had two years ago and need to let go of those comfort foods of past (pop/soda, chips, and sweet pastries) and I look forward to craving my daily needs of beans, greens, and little meat.  But not quite there.  Too much health food might have me running back towards the comforts of the past :)  I ate chinese two nights in a row.  Oh many of you know how I crave those sweet sauces, and fried tastiness.  How does this fit into my new blueprint.  One night we ordered in and one night we cooked it ourselves.  Our version twenty times tastier than the delivery version.  I don't know how fresh the restaurant's food is but I know exactly the freshness and what ingredients we cooked with. 

I want to get more active and I wish I could say that my family never overlooks the beauty of a beautiful day.  Today was a gorgeous day for a family walk.  We however ended up taking a family nap.  Which also can be healthy.  Obviously, we all needed a bit of extra sleep.  This is something we should either adjust at night or that we all do have a tish of a bug.  I am getting over a cold and my sweet darling son decided to puke on me three times in a row (there is nothing worse than sour milk).  It actually was this last incident that made me think of the detours we need to take for the betterment of our later journey.  His second bath for the night and my evening shower weren't necessarily on our agenda but when a detour pops up sometimes we don't have a choice but to follow. 

It would have been easy to say after the low key day and not feeling a hundred percent to say oh phooey to the exercise portion.  But after two suppers of Chinese food back to back - my body kind of begged for a little health stop.  So I checked my pedometer at 11 pm and still had about 1500 steps to equal at least my regular daily goal of 7000+ steps.  This had me exercise for my body of today and not for the ideal road conditions of the future or the abandonment of the past.  I didn't grab shoes, or a sweat towel and honestly just stayed in pjs and began to pace my house.  With a steady non-quick pace in twenty minutes I was able to check on my son, switch over laundry from the "sick" incident, straighten a couple of things in the kitchen, and manage to walk my 1500 steps to complete my daily goal.  Yes, I could have easily finished those couple of things in less than two hundred steps and call it a night.  But if I want different results I need to approach things differently so in my mind it was time for a detour. 

It isn't easy to change old patterns of comfort into healthy routines but with a few detours and adjustments along the way; I have the utmost confidence we can all maximize our HealthFULL Journeys.

May your path conditions improve with the help of detours that encourage hope for a better life. 'Til we meet again. . .

 

The Munchie Monster

Let me introduce my munchine monster - Slobberin' Sal the Snacker.  Oh boy does he have a huge appetite.  His superpowers include being able to snack on large amounts of food in one sitting and he loves to fill the belly with snacks that range from sweet to salty, from chewy to crunchy.  My munchie monster prides themself on being able to pick the perfect snack to gnaw on during the perfect show.  You want a lighthearted comedy with sarcastic asides - popcorn or a big bag of chips that you eat one by one, satisfying crunch followed by yet another satisfying crunch.  Tearjerker romance definitely a big bowl of ice cream with all the works.  Sal struck hard tonight and I have to tell you he usually is very convincing.  He whimpers and to the kitchen I run.  But tonight Sal and I tried an experiment.  He shared his request with a moan and a grumble in the tummy.  However, instead of running to the kitchen - I ran away from the kitchen up the stairs.  This confused Sal.  I had my Rocky moment with the fists in the air.  *Ha ha Sal no snacking tonight out of comfot, boredom, or whatever mood you are feeling.*  And then Sal laughed, harder.  Rarely  have I challenged my Munchie monster - we're old pals why start an argument?   He fought back with pictures of satisfying sweets, flavor memories trickling down my throat.  The munchie monster pulled at my stomach and displayed different snacks in my thoughts like a fast food commercial set on "repeat" with an endless budget.  I am trying to distract myself first with the computer and then tv.  But tv is less a distractor and more of a comrade of Sal the snacker.  They go way back.  I am trying to teach myself.  I can actually watch tv for the fun of watching tv.  It is rare for me not to have the remnants of snacking surrounding me on the couch - wrappers of tasty treats while I watch the dvr.  A couple of nights I have tried to trick slobberin' Sal the snacker with hot water and lemon.  The satisfaction of flavor while watching tv without the calories.  Sal was not fooled but also not angered.  My munchie monster feels I am ignoring him and he would be right.  Its time for me to form new habits. Which means I have to re-train my appetite.  When am I REALLY hungry?  And when am I just thinking I am hungry with the help  of my munchie monster?

Its hard.  But every minute that passes is a victory.  Because slowly Sal is losing his hold and once again I am starting to claim more of me; which means I take responsibility for my choices - to snack or not to snack is only the beginning.  Which means I have to kick my munchie monster to the curb.  He did a fine job - he scared me, he upset me, frustrated me, disappointed me, and occasionally comforted me and sadly enabled me.  He helped me rationalize, pat myself on the back, and let me lie to myself.  But no more.  Good bye munchie monster!

If you see my munchie monster - Slobbering Sal the Snacker.  Give him my regards - he was a dear friend at one time but sadly are paths are going in different directions and at this time there is no hope of meeting again.

May your healthfull journey illuminate your true friends.  May you learn who is valuable and who is best to cut ties. 'Til we meet again. . .

The High Dive

Funny for me to be thinking of the High Dive as we are in the dead of winter.  But is it really?  Our weather has been a mix of transitions of winter to spring and all the sludgy gloom it brings and then a couple of afternoons that are so beautiful you would think it is spring passing into summer.  Maybe I am craving sunshine and am anticipating the pool.  But the High Dive I have pictured in my thoughts is a very specific diving board located in the heart of East Grand Forks, MN.  I grew up there.  And every summer most of the kids rode their bikes, walked, or had parents drop them off at this local hot spot.  There were two low diving boards (I think? it has been a long time since I have been to that pool) and one High Dive (this I definitely remember).  The line for the High Dive was usually made up of older kids (pre-teens and the brink of teenagerdom).  It was a place to laugh, to share secrets, gossip, to see and be seen, and the oldest person around was usually a lifeguard maybe in their early twenties. 

But I bring up the High Dive because sometimes when I begin to feel vulnerable or on the brink of conquering a fear it feels like attempting the High Dive.  Sometimes with a bit of confidence, coaxing from friends, and a joy of showing off I would climb that high ladder.  At the time I would guess twenty four feet in the air.  Maybe in reality ten - twelve feet?  But with sheer determination I would pull myself up step by step until my feet were on the platform and bravely stride to the end and jump.  Just jump.  But there were moments if I paused to think I am at the edge of the board.  This makes me nervous.  And looking down into that abyss of sparkling blue water of a whole twelve feet I would scamper back to the safety of the railings where the diving board is anchored to the ladder.  And sometimes swallow my pride, stick my tail between my legs and scurry down the steps.  Face growing red with shame while choking on the fear of being so close to excitement, growth, unknown opportunity and only seeing the possibilities of pain, drowning, and criticism.  Oh and there would be catcalls, hollers, and snickers.  But thankfully, because of the adrenaline of fear mostly one hears only their racing heartbeat as we walk the walk of shame right past the crowd. 

Its scary and a hassle to be on the brink of stretching our boundaries;  Redefining ourselves by realizing we aren't who we've always been.   There is such a comfort to those railings and even more comfort looking up at the ladder as a goal.  But the fun happens when we leave the board and dive into water, letting go of fears, letting go of boundaries, and truly living in the moment.  There is an honesty to the vulnerability.  Oh sure I jumped the high dive many times before fear seized me I was ignorant.  I knew pain was possible after a particularly embarrassing and PAINFUL belly flop.  You know the kind with a huge splash after a thunderous slapping sound as the skin hits the water.  Did you wince a little at the description?  Because yeah it hurt.  But back to allowing ourselves to be vulnerable - no shell of bravado, no cocky repertoire, but just a desire to improve, to grow and shown with deliberate actions.  This HealthFULL (Fully Understanding Life by Living) Journey has brought so many blessings into my life.  But sometimes the work is not fun, doesn't feel rewarding enough, and I so want to retreat back to the safety of the railings where life feels a little more secure.  That my surroundings are more to my comfort.  But it is that moment of purposefully stepping toward the edge of the high dive and the board starts to dip towards the pool when excitement travels through the nerves and the heart pumps in anticipation of the next moment.  The moment we have built up in our minds as we climbed those ladder steps, the thought of success dangling in our vision when letting go of the safety of the railing, and is now within our grasp as we look down at our toes lined up with the edge of the board.  So many options now are at our disposal: Do we retreat? Do we plummet awkwardly into a belly flop?  Do we muster our all of our strength and begin to bounce as hard as we can for the jump of a lifetime?  Do we turn around and get fancy with a backwards flip?  So many options once we let ourselves be vulnerable and let go of all the daily trappings we fell prey.

Step up to the edge and let's dive into greatness together. 

May your HealthFULL Journey give you a ladder to climb, a railing to cling, and a board to clear. 'Til we meet again. . .    

The Broken Umbrella

Oh if my life was a movie this week... cue into the closing scene where a woman walks down the sidewalk in front of her office building with a bounce in her step and a giggle on her lips.  Now if this truly was a movie the woman would be 5' 11" just over a hundred pounds in a gorgeous trench coat- fantastic make-up and perfectly coiffed hair possibly a french twist, mega watt smile with a confident stride and the background a slight sprinkle of rain with a touch of sunlight.  But before we go into the fade back let's really examine the final scene.  Because this blog isn't a movie but about my real  HealthFULL journey on how I can Fully Understand Life by Living which means there are lots of these moments.  Here is the true final scene: A heavy set woman, no make-up, a quick ponytail, an awkward pace to her gait, and a giggle bordering between hysteria or tears, with an open broken umbrella and a gloomy gray sky with spurts of wind. Now the choices that lead into this scene.

Its Monday because this is real life and real life seems to come together harshly this particular time of the week.  We are approaching wintertime here in the South and instead of facing a harsh blizzard we tend to see a lot of drizzly depressing rainy days.  This would be one of those days.  I hate driving the truck in rain.  The accelerator tends to stick when it gets a little chilly and the automatic truck pretends it is a bucking bronco. Not fun!  But as I pull into our parking lot - wait for it I actually have an umbrella on me.  This is news because for seven years of our marriage - my husband and I did not own a single umbrella.  But I now own one that matches my purse.  Fancy I know!  My hubby calls it my little umbrella and I love it...or I did, but I am getting ahead of myself.

Work begins and time passes.  The minutes tick down and the clock is nearing break time.  Oh I so have the Monday blahs.  Its cold out and rainy.  No walk I pout, stomp, and whine I don't wanna.  But don't want to do something doesn't mean I can't.  That I am physically unable.  And I realized that as an adult I can't give into my teenage rebellion or even my child-like tantrum just because I don't feel it.  Sometimes we have to weigh our wants vs. our goals vs. our needs.  I didn't want to walk but after my high blood sugar reading (the highest I have had in over a month) I needed to walk and that my goal is to lead a healthier lifestyle.  Well grab the umbrella because we are going for a walk : sunshine, rain, or snow pull on the tennis shoes we're hitting the pavement.  Did I have other options then walking outside?  Absolutely!  I could have walked the steps in our five story building (they are bit daunting and creepy).  I also could have stretched in my cubicle for fifteen minutes but who wants to create that kind of scene.  No I'll take my cute little umbrella and walk.

It felt good the first break.  There is something about the smell of rain that is energizing as everything is refreshed.  The confidence building as I did something good for myself and I didn't even want to do it.  But I dug deep and accomplished my goal.  Its that first step willing to embrace the activity, isn't it.  I convinced myself go outside.  If you only walk once around the building so be it.  But my body craved movement and once the first step happened it was easier to follow it with 1500 more.  Great first break.

The day continues on and the afternoon break looms before me.  I silently debate my options.  I already had fifteen minutes under my belt.  Do I really have to commit another fifteen in the rain?  Yes because I knew I was working late, when I get home I will be exhausted and on mommy/wife time.   So if I wanted to get my full thirty minutes in for the day this would most likely be my last shot.  Plus it really was refreshing the first break.  Grab my tennis shoes and adorable umbrella one more time.  Hmm...the grayness seems a little darker.  The wind has picked up a little speed and an extra chill as I sink a little deeper into my coat.  One time around the building done.  I am feeling a shot of pride, a bounce in my step as my confidence grows and as I am too busy applauding myself a lot happens.  I notice the wind is picking up my umbrella and flinging it around.  I see one of the spokes has bent and then one final gust pulls the umbrella out of my hand as I simultaneously trip over the sidewalk.  (The same sidewalk that I have walked numerous times all of a sudden has a crack that raises three inches off the ground just enough for my shoe to catch it and stub my toe).  I lose the umbrella to the ground as I stumble three steps forward bracing myself for the inevitable fall and side step my umbrella (I don't want to break it) and the wind carries my friend away into the street into upcoming traffic as I twirl to catch both my balance and in a half-hearted attempt to catch my little umbrella.  I watch in horror as a SUV comes racing down (or driving normal speed)  bee-line towards my umbrella and I wondered if there was any possible way my umbrella could be spared and if not; Can an open umbrella hurt a moving SUV?  There was something child-like as I wanted to race into the street and save my priced possession like a child does their ball.  But miracles of miracles the umbrella is spared.  I grab the umbrella and race to safety.  As I turn the final corner towards my office building.  It was like I was not only in a movie but a cartoon as I look up into my umbrella.  As I gaze upwards one spoke (not the bent one) drops into two pieces.  I try to close the umbrella to see the damage and there is one side that sticks out now with the two pieced spoke and the bent spoke and I do the only thing that seems natural.  I giggle at my blessed misfortune.  Yes I tripped.  I lost my umbrella.  And my umbrella broke.  But I walked for thirty minutes.  I actually had a working umbrella for 28 of those minutes.  My umbrella did not get run over (and I didn't have to pay for any damage towards an expensive looking SUV).  And though I tripped, I didn't fall nor sustain any true injury. Well a little bruise to the pride as I was beginning to think I was all that and a bag of chips.  But a near fall and a broken umbrella bring me back to reality.  So Broken Umbrella thank you for the memories, the lessons, and the humility.

May your HealthFULL Journey be full of opportunities that lift you up and catch you when you fall. 'Til we meet again. . .