The Difference of a week

I am a week into my ten day challenge of real food.  Maybe I should say the household is seven days into this journey because I certainly am not the only one experiencing the changes.  I was calm this morning and afternoon. The first couple of days I was feeling deprived because I was avoiding chemicals and packages and packages of preservatives.  I was anxious of what would I eat, what could I eat?  I was tense and frenetic because my easy go to comforts were to be forgotten.  And this morning I wasn't consumed by thoughts of food.  There is none of my soda in the house nor has been for a week.  And here I still breathe and yes even function.  There has been moments I have driven to the store close to midnight to stock my fridge or in the middle of the storm to avoid living through the storm without my safety net of soda. 

That's an interesting thought - how many times do I charge into the storm to avoid simply letting the storm pass.  Storms make us nervous, they are unpredictable, can cause damage, and usually change our surroundings.  I do this a lot in my life - if an uncomfortable situation is on the horizon I feel I have to shape the storm;  Loved ones fighting - soothe ruffled feathers, events not happening (monotonous ruts) have to stir things up - sometimes take on the planning, Friends struggling -cheer them on or advise away from the pain.  Some of this sounds good but sometimes we need the storm and have to pray the destruction isn't horrible.  We need the rain to wash away the dust and our messes.  We might need the flash of lightning to see and sometimes we need to hear the thunder to help us find safety in new locations. 

So once again I ran into the storm with this ten day challenge of real food.  And at first I was scared, I was nervous if I could reach it to the end.  But by going through the process for seven days I have a base of knowledge  - what's okay to eat, I know my downfalls, and I feel accomplished.  I made an eggplant casserole with chicken and it gave me confidence.  Not only do we have quite a few more meals.  But I did it.  I cooked with real ingredients, came out with a real winner of a meal (eggplant even my husband enjoyed as I have learned a couple tricks how to prepare it.) And this morning I woke up not all of my thoughts consumed by food.  Actually very little thought about food.  My son went down for a nap and I didn't obsess what I could consume before he awoke.  This is an eerily peaceful feeling.  It's kind of nice and soothing.  It's like I woke up without a sliver in my foot.  That I have had this nagging feeling and was so used to that feeling I was almost numb.  But without this "sliver" I am oddly aware of what is missing.  Kind of strange, but soothing at the same time.

Today's exercise was another run with the Hula DVD.  I realize I really like switching up the DVDs weekly.  I renewed my choices last week as I didn't make it to the library last week and I am ready for something new that will motivate me to get moving. 

May your healthfull journey prepare you for the storms in your life. 'Til we meet again. . .

Quarter to Five

No alarm?  Have you ever experienced that rush of adrenaline in the morning when you awake but it wasn't due to an alarm?  It so rarely happens to me.  I am a self proclaimed night owl and desperately cling to my caffeine filled sodas and my sugar rushes after my alarm blares me awake.  But this morning I woke up at quarter to five.  Which sadly was my hope.  This way I could squeeze in a work out, get ready for work, feed my son, drop him off and still get to work by seven thirty.  And my wish was granted. I go to bed tired.  Because I actually physically work,  I work out for twenty five minutes daily (moved up another five minutes about five days ago.)  And then I actually have energy to run errands and/or get household tasks done.  Or just play with my son or walk with my family.  I truly am reclaiming my life and love that feeling of peace/contentment.  Being content and being comfortable are worlds apart.  Be wary of just being comfortable, comfort tends to  be an illusion.  And one I am trying to avoid.  But contentment I'll take that everyday.  That warm fuzzy feeling when for a moment (or longer if you are especially lucky) you feel all is right with the world. 

So thank you Healthfull Journey for helping me find some extra peace during the week.  For allowing me the chance to be creative in the kitchen as I whip up a casserole with grilled chicken breast (no sauces, no marinades) and beautiful eggplant that I couldn't bear to see go to waste.  Thank you for allowing me some true sleep where I feel enough rest to awake without a blaring alarm.  Thank you for helping me to find enjoyment in movement and variety.  Thank you for feeding me nutrients that help me feel stronger.  And thank you for reminding me to count my blessings, the big and the small.

May your HealthFULL Journey awake you and bless you in surprising ways. 'Til we meet again. . .

Feeling "Real"

It hasn't been easy to find the rhythm to this ten days of Real Food.  I hope in my first rant it didn't turn people away from the challenge.  It is rewarding and a huge eye-opener.  Here I am thinking I am eating tons healthier with a few vices.  But no, a lot of what lines ares shelves is full of preservatives, chemicals, and "enhancers".  Stop the enhancing, just give me the real thing!  I know there will be slipping back into some old patterns within four more days.  That's right over half-way through the challenge.  Some minor slips, some minor permissions on my part, but a radically different diet to my system.  I have definitely consumed more produce and whole grains in the last six days than I probably get in my system in a month. 

I say I am feeling real because we ate a meal that actually resembled one of our favorites: tacos.  Ground Turkey Breast Tacos seasoned with our own spices.  No spice kit here  (and we've been a fan of many!) Our shells were blue ground corn tortillas (only three ingredients!).  A little sour cream, a beautiful avocado, with some black beans and brown rice.  (Usually refried beans and white "chili" rice have been our sides before).  It was filling and good.  Different.  I can start to tell the difference in my taste buds.  I have confessed my diet soda obsession and it is freeing to not have to buy my twelve packs (about 3) every two weeks.  My "need" for sugar is way down.  Which I think my body is responding that I am tired.  This could be a very sad detail to my life if the reason I can't sleep is how much sugar I consume on a daily basis.

I also I would say I am starting to feel more energized.  I don't know if that is the best description, maybe up.  At least I feel I am getting a lot more accomplished in a day.  Yes three days in was hard because it was just overwhelming how many ingredients are in my pantry and not all that sound edible.  So we move forward, bellies full, energy up, and a whole new approach to food. 

May your HealthFULL Journey be exciting, healthy, inspiring, and motivating for you.  'Til we meet again. . .

Marching two by two hurrah hurrah

The turn-out this year for the March for Babies was insane!  And such a beautiful day to hold the event (sunny without being overly hot vs. dreary drizzly last year).  We dragged slowly on the street to near the parking complex for the event.  There was a woman next to our car walking and my mother in law joked how she was going to beat us.  Which made me think, we don't credit our steps enough.  We forget that every journey starts with a step.  That any prize/any goal we have craved and struggled starts with a step.  I wish I could magically be at my perfect weight, healthy as can be and call it a day.  But I'm not, but I do know that I am in a lot better condition today than I was six weeks ago when I was just kicking up the pace on my healthfull journey.  There has been an awful lot of steps from there to here.  Some of the steps big giant ones forward, a couple side steps, and some backpedals.  I get nervous of what is ahead, but also excited.  If you would like to still support the march of dimes efforts you can donate at : www.marchforbabies.org/SuzySullivan.

May your healthfull journey be full of memorable steps, some backpedals, some sidesteps, and many many steps forward.  'Til we meet again. . . 

Real Food is Real Work

I am rounding out my third day of eating "real food" and I am exhausted emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually.  This was another tactic I jumped into obsessive compulsive mode without fully being ready.  It's good not to keep sitting on the sidelines which is why I felt I had to explore my HealthFULL Journey so that I could Fully Understand Life by Living.  Sometimes when I feel I have stretched my boundaries as far as they will go and dream of retreating back to my hermit lifestyle I remember there is no place to return.  I am not the same and the old comforts would rub wrong like an uncomfortable shoe causing a blister.  Oh don't get me wrong I definitely could break in those old habits pretty easily and make them as comforting as a blanket.  But it would be uncomfortable in the beginning.  Just like this real food experience.  I am dumbfounded by the changes this really entailed by changing my eating habits.  For all the food victories I was celebrating and my "food knowledge" I thought our household was a lot closer to a real food approach.  How heartbreaking as I read label after label of food that is supposed to be healthy.  I have been sustaining myself on bits and pieces the last couple of days as I needed to go shopping to help round out my meals.  The rules  and suggestion for this approach was from another blog I stumbled upon . . . http://www.100daysofrealfood.com/ .  There are ten rules to live by so that you know you are eating "real food".  I have chosen to adapt two of the rules to make my life easier.  I know the blog founder strongly encourages full commitment.  But in the end we all have to do the best we can.  I bought products that had more than five ingredients (but they had to be ingredients that were natural and that I in realistic expectations could prepare (mostly sauces like salsa, marinara which I should be making from scratch but I'm starting out).  And the other one is to buy your meats local.  That is just a level of research I am not ready to wrangle (someday, but that day is not today).  Otherwise I am on board. So I repeat:  

I am exhausted emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually.
emotionally - my old friends - sugar, fat, convenience, chips, SODA!!!! (DIET SODA), are no longer my allies and it does cause me heartache (overdramatic and yet even sadder , somewhat true).

physically - Caffeine intake is way down,  And so is the sugar which makes me wonder how much sugar was I eating to keep me bouncing off walls, I am definitely not bouncing.

mentally - All of The label reading as I stood in the store today caused me to have three panic attacks.  The information was daunting and absolutely overwhelming.

and spiritually - I am bummed.  When you undertake these kind of projects you focus on the results and the celebration but does anyone really focus on the hard work, the extra effort.  Not usually because than we wouldn't take on half the projects we do.  So I apologize for my frowny mood but this journey has amazing highs and some challenging lows.  I am in the heart of a challenge.  I know that I will be better from a health perspective in another week but it is still new.  It is a lot of information to wrap my mind around.  So I observe, I learn, and eventually I will adapt.

May your healthfull journey nourish and nuture your whole being, 'Til we meet again. . .

Marching for Babies 2011

This is a blurb of what I have been working on all night :)

Howdy ya'll. As most of you know (or are learning) I tend to do things as most procrastinators do, at the last minute :) Well having a baby in the house, my last minute projects seem to get later and later. We are less than thirty-six hours away from the Greenville March of Dimes and our family is marching for our little guy. This will be my third march in the last three years for the March for Babies. I am nervous as each March tends to encourage more and more participation from myself. Two years ago I marched as part of my office's team. Two months later one of my precious nieces was born at 24 1/2 weeks (almost 4 months early!!!) weighing in at 1 lb. 6 oz and 12 inches tall. So last year we formed a family team in honor of my littlest niece. Then a month after last year's walk my husband Corey and I received amazing news that we were expecting our first child. What a blessing! And though I would do it all again no questions asked, my pregnancy was complicated every step of the way. Our son was to be born January 19, 2011, and excitedly we awaited our little miracle. However, late October, I began what I call the elephant stomp as my feet swelled quickly and stayed that way. I knew this was not a good sign as I went in to see my doctor on Thursday afternoon and they put me on moderate bedrest, meaning I would have to ask for leave from work immediately for the remainder of the pregnancy. I was scared, but willing to do whatever it took to keep our son safe. I returned Monday to the doctor's office to just check my stats. But sadly my stats did not check well and I was given marching orders to report to the hospital to begin absolute bedrest. Terrified is the only word I can use. Before my pregnancy I had never been hospitalized, no broken bones, and no surgeries. Even more scary though was how was Drew doing? As a mom I already felt like I was failing and did not know what else I could do for my son and his health. Every night after the first night in the hospital, the staff and I would prepare me for the possibility of surgery. Every morning started with an ultra-sound to check in with Drew and see how he was doing. Any sign of distress and the doctors were ready to deliver him. For eight days we did this scenario and day nine, November 3, 2010, was the day for my son to be born. He was only twenty-nine weeks (just 6 1/2 months). He was born at 3 lbs. 11 oz and seventeen inches. Our son was admitted to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) and we started the scariest rollercoaster ride of our life. Every bit of information gleaned from the staff becomes so emotional. He took fifteen CC's of formula with no regurge, let's celebrate. Have to have the bili light could be a bit upsetting. He can't be held because they had just started feeding him his hour pump and was having trouble digesting, equals heartbreaking. The tears, the quiet rocks, the unending information, the pricks for blood tests, began to whirl and can easily overwhelm. Forty-four days we experienced the emotional jolts and received the call of a lifetime "Mrs. Sullivan we are preparing for Andrew's discharge hopefully tomorrow." I wept so loud and so hard. The doctor reminded me gently that it wasn't absolutely definite. I assured him I understood but that there are only two reasons a doctor from the NICU makes a personal call to a parent, either really good news or the opposite. And I was so grateful that this was the really good call. We welcomed our son home just in time for Christmas on Dec. 17, 2010. I got my Christmas wish and God even threw in a bonus of a white Christmas in South Carolina (that never happens). I write all this so you feel the journey. Two years ago I could not have predicted how important this cause would become and so close to my heart. I can't imagine life without my Drew Bug A Boo and I am so GRATEFUL to the research, advocacy, and support of this charity so I don't ever have to know.



We would appreciate your support. If you would like to donate financially please visit www.marchforbabies.org/SuzySullivan listed under Team Drew Bug A Boo. If you would like to help with advertising please forward this e-mail to anyone on your address list who may be interested in sharing their support or post our donation site as a status update in your social networks (facebook, Twitter, etc.) And lastly the biggest support we always appreciate is your prayers for this event, for beautiful weather (last year's started out a little drizzly which is awful for all the babies who plan to attend), continued prayers for the health of our beautiful son Drew and his biggest cheerleaders all five of his cousins and all the families who celebrate their miracles with smiles and most definitely those families who must remember theirs with tears.



We are so blessed and everyday our biggest blessings to count are you, our dearest family and friends.

Thank you always for your support and God Bless!

With huge *HUGS*, The Sullivan trio (Corey, Suzy, and Andrew Kevin Sullivan our own lil' Drew Bug A Boo)

And the band plays on. . .

I fell asleep before I got yesterday's blog out and it was interesting thought that I feel I must muse and remember out loud. 

The eating for Monday and Tuesday has had very little victory and if you can have food hangovers than I have had two back to back.  This eating real food has got me climbing the walls with anxiety.  I am excited but chewing nails (like starting a new school or a job kind of anxiety).  Where you are so excited about the possibilities but queasy in the stomach because you just don't know if everything will be okay.  (99 % everything will be okay 99 % of the time but that 1 % can take over your whole being and just make one unfunctionable).  As I prepare to truly examine what I eat I feel like I am cramming my guilty pleasures for one last hurrah!  (Although my challenge is for only ten days and most of this food I haven't eaten in weeks or even months!) But Monday I stopped off for the fried fish sandwich and cheeseburger.  Of course it wasn't the flavors I have been craving which I have made heavenly in my thoughts.  It tasted like old grease with two much "sauce".  Then for dinner I stuffed my face with pizza (no thin crust here!) And then Tuesday bring on the Chinese delivery (fifty percent fried and 100% sauced).  Have I lost my mind?  And both mornings after I have been not feeling great, Gee, I can't imagine why?  When you put gunk in the tank you are going to feel like junk.  So no food victories here but I feel optimistic about the next ten days.

So onto the band moment.  I was working out with the Wii.  Remember me mentioning that in three days I gained 7 1/2 pounds according to the Wii Fit (or maybe I didn't mention it, so of a bummer.) Well in a day it told me I lost 11.9 pounds.  Yeah baby!  (Again not the most reliable tool - but losing close to twelve pounds according the scale vs gaining almost eight - Feels way cooler!)  And in my upbeat mood (Again I know not to put all my eggs in this basket but its like your best friend soothing you with what you want to hear but might not be the most accurate.)  I felt gung ho and went for the Rhythm Parade.  I sorely lack rhythm but felt so confident I moved off Beginner and went for Advanced.  Bring on the band I am ready to lead my charge.  And one, two, left, right, slap slap blip blip.  And as I am watching my icon on the screen I was brought back to when I was fourteen.  I played the flute in band.  I was okay and was fine with that.   No big dreams to play in an orchestra, just another thing to do while I was in school.  However why did I go back to that specific year in my life in band (I played for seven years)?  Because every year our band would march in a local parade.  It was exciting to finally be in high school and get to march in the Potato Bowl Parade.  It was a rite of passage.  But wait, there is a glitch.  I didn't fit in the uniform.  Or more accurately one that was available.  (There were some big guys in the band who were seniors and had first chance at the "bigger" uniforms.) I am fourteen and not allowed to march because I was too fat.  How humiliating!  Oh there was no way when this was happening I would admit the truth.  My band direction came up with a solution though and that was to have me hold the banner and march at the front of the parade.  Great! Just Great!  Put the pretty girls in their leotards and little skirts for flags and pom poms right behind me and my big ol' butt.  Can't wait!  So I put on my jeans, borrowed a letterman's jacket (because I am fourteen and my tushie imagine this had not lettered!)  And marched like it wasn't weird for a freshman to hold the banner.  I don't remember the lies I spun (too many flutes? wanted a younger and older person representing the band? I've got such a killer smile?)  Anything but the truth at all costs!  I remember vowing to myself by the following year or two I would be wearing that pretty girl outfit.  So much time I spent vowing my revenge on the world by getting skinny (not healthy because that tends to be an older concern) but in the teenage world it is looks.  I like to think I am not that self conscious fourteen year old.  But I still pretend that my sweater can hide an extra pound or two (or honestly more like a hundred pounds :)  And though my focus is health and the thought of boundfuls of energy.  But yeah there is still a teenage girl inside me who wants to go shopping and not worry if I can find ANYTHING that fits but actually buy something because it looks pretty and makes me feel sexy.  I never did reach my revenge look in high school (I swung between 190 pounds to 255 pounds throughout the entire four years).  Besides the occasional "sad" / embarassing moment (uniforms and costumes were always an awkward event) I didn't worry too much about my weight.  It just was.  And now I know I do have control (or more like that I should have control and say in my choices that affect both my health and my weight.)

So I marched proudly on my Wii Fit because I am no longer that teenager who's like "whatever" but an adult who is marching off some true baggage - 16.5 pounds in six weeks, but also some of the emotional baggage that has been hanging around way too long creating too much havoc.

May your healthfull journey be full of good-byes to the moments that caused pain and hellos to an energetic uplifting future. ' Til we meet again. . .

Running smack into the wall

My reaction time stinks.  I see an obstacle, have minor panic attack, and then hit the wall full force even after repeating to myself avoid the wall, miss the wall, DON'T HIT THE WALL!  And yet I am so concerned about hitting the wall, I step aside trying to avoid the obstacle and end up hitting it harder.  This came to me as I was trying to avoid a full on workout as I was having an "off day".  I decided today was a good Wii Fit day.  According to that scale I was up a couple of pounds (which I take with a grain of salt  - on carpet and a different time of the day than last time I was on the scale) and yet it is never fun to see a plus in front of the number instead of you have lost this many pounds.  However, the Wii Fit did feel like I was nine years younger.  That was nice :) I used the Wii Fit as a guide so that I could mix up the work out and not have to think or follow directions.  And with my day that was excellent.  I worked out 34 minutes and I say "worked out" loosely.  However the program really gave me a great visual.  Three of the work outs seemed to hit the same point in my head and my heart.  I focus on the bombs and sometimes miss the applause.  I let obstacles trip me up because they make me nervous.  I am so worried about failing or messing uup drastically I give up and guide myself into trouble's path.  Not always intentionally but subconsciously I guide myself to avoid the "surprise" hit.  But I forget that sometimes trouble can pass by without striking me.  I was "skateboarding" and usually I give up after I feel off kilter and that there is no way to "win".  However with seconds barely left I passed the first round and then the second just barely finishing within the time and made it all the through three complete rounds and so close on the fourth.  And I almost gave up in the first round because I didn't think I could make it very far. I hit many cones which are obstacles that count against your goal.  I would run into the obstacle full force and just suck it up.  Until it dawned on me to try to avoid the obstacle even if I was heading straight for it.  Jump, last minute swerve, anything that at least attempted to avoid the cone.  Sure I still hit quite a few but less than if I resigned myself to always hitting the obstacle. Reminders are good for everyone and I need them constantly.  Two seconds into an event does not determine the whole event but it means staying involved, caring, and letting go.  Oh I hate letting go,  I do care (sometimes too much) and staying involved I can be "eh".  I want to stay committed but I get frustrated and check out until system is all good to go and can achieve more "perfect" scenarios.

Another mini game I played was snowball where I didn't dodge quick enough and let the snowball smack me in the face.  How blunt is that!  It felt like I was being knocked off my feet as I watched my Mii character hit the deck, a bit woozy. And the last game that really helped me visualize this issue was that when I juggled.  Once you are juggling three balls they lob bombs on you. I would get so distracted about avoiding the bombs that I would drop a ball without even knowing. 

How often do we focus on the possible obstacles, the mishaps, and in return let go of the blessings and the good things in response?  I don't want to sacrifice my happiness because of my fears of what is and what could be.  Life is too precious and too fragile to sacrifice the big things.  I am a big believer in life will be as it should be and once again I have to learn to trust myself that I am strong enough and talented enough and beyond blessed with a wonderful support team of family and friends. So bring on the mishaps and lob the snowballs because I will remain strong and standing.

May your HealthFULL Journey leave you confident, aware, and strong; no matter the circumstances. ' Til we meet again. . .

Stopping the Chatter

Once upon a time ago I read an article whose topic has kind of stuck with me.  Many of us use the expression that every person is unique and yet the article's topic boggled my mind.   What is the topic you wonder? Think of your top pet peeves, now think of what sets you off when you hit that agitated point. The article discussed how our triggers are linked to our senses and we all have different limits. For instance  certain sounds have me crawling the walls.  I am sensitive to pitches and volumes depending on my mood.  And sometimes I can't have silence.  But it is definitely auditory issues that trigger my moods.    Some people have deep emotional memories that are triggered by smells, not all of these memories are good.  Perhaps your trigger has a visual connection; bright lights, loud patterns, or dark neutral colors.

This topic has been rambling through my head as my inner critic and my inner champion once again compete.  I am excited about this Real Food Challenge.  I am paging through recipes to get inspired.  I think this challenge will encourage a deeper richer experience on my HealthFULL Journey by providing me some structure with flexibility; a strong foundation without feeling trapped.  But then that inner critic starts dropping open ended questions, and then downright yelling my weaknesses so that I am tempted to throw in the towel without even beginning the challenge.  I won't be perfect but I'll be closer to my ideal habits.  I might feel overwhelmed but I will learn.  I might downright fail but if I don't even try than I already failed, so at least trying has to be an improvement.  So anxiously, excitedly, and determined I begin to make strides toward this new eating victory.

While my inner critic is running loose I decided I didn't want to give that voice fodder to continue to poke my buttons.  I decided to hula with the DVD but without instructions.  I have rented several of these exercise DVDs with the option but have been "nervous" to try with music only.  I am so scared to fail that it stops and stalls so many of my goals.  I am terrified to trust myself.  What if I mess up the moves? What if I drop my form? What if....What if ... What if...  And finally it hit me, What if!   Yes I might miss a step or two, I might jumble the moves, but two incorrect steps is better than sitting on my tushy.  Just another marker of my improvements when I do nail a routine.  It's not like I am training to teach hula, I am just having fun and shaking my hips.  My body is getting stronger but now I have to work through some of the mental hang-ups and emotional blocks.  Another hang-up that is stumping me.  I get nervous that I can't finish out the exercise so I sometimes stop because I feel like that I won't ever reach the end but instead of trying to finish the movement, I throw up my arms and go ah well I wasn't sure if I could finish.  So I am teaching myself to work through the mental stops.  And I was able to hold my arms up as long as the hula instructor in the cool down.  Last time I gave up because my arms were sore (they were strengthening) and I could imagine seeing it through.

It's like a wacky obstacle course now, I need to push forward but odd obstacles are going to pop up anytime and I just have to be ready.  Sometimes I will be successful, some will push me to my limits, but those that challenge me and I still push forward will be my greatest accomplishments. 

May your HealthFULL journey identify your successes and your struggles so that your struggles can become your successes. 'Til we meet again. . .

Havin' a weak week

*Pat on the back* Exercise has officially became an everyday habit and I am super excited and somewhat proud of the fact. I even added a little weight training today with Miss Jillian Michaels.  I completed 22 minutes.  And was pouring sweat (Sorry if that was TMI).  I still had another three full circuits but I had reached my limit.  Better to not overdo and risk injury. 

*Pat on the belly* Eating healthy however has been going downhill since our trip.  Slowly I let my watchful eye become drowsy, downright sleepy, and then squeezed shut.  I like junk food.  At least in the moment of weak resolve I think it is worth millions of dollars.  But then I eat it and go "ehh" it was okay and hours later I am upset and feel quilty for stuffing my face with something I didn't enjoy, didn't really want, and most definitely didn't need.  It's the hindsight of a bad love connection.  In the moment you believe you are with the man of your dreams.  And the next day you are embarassed to tell your friends that you went on a date and instead shrug your shoulders "ehh he's okay. . . as a friend."  For awile I remember this about potato chips and pastries.  But then I get a little overtired, a little overstressed, and a little down and the thoughts of greasy crunchy chips and sweet fatty pastries sound "nice".  Well as this urge hit Friday (I tell you I need to skip this day all together)  I craved doughnuts.  And the reasons and excuses list for me was a mile long why I was justified and almost my duty to purchase and consume doughnuts until my heart's content.  But it was as if the world said "You really don't want a doughnut nor do you need them after I creeped my car through rush hour traffic and pulled into the doughnut shop.  I could taste the frosting on my tongue and the filling dripping down my chin.  I love that creamy custard or sweet gloppy fruit topping (I am rereading the adjectives and with a full stomach am questioning myself, "Really this is what I crave?" But in the moment I confess, I do!  I am all ready to place my order for a variety of tasty treats and in the doughnut shop there are maybe ten varieties and not filled donut.  What?!?? I love doughnuts for their filling.  And I could have just left.  But did I? No!  I knew that they didn't have any of the doughnuts that I truly enjoy and yet I still placed my order.  Still brought them home and ate two immediately.  One was okay and one was eh.  But neither ricocheted me to utter bliss.  Neither made my problems go away.  And neither left me feeling like that was worth the trip, money, or extra calories.  And yet I ate them.  No one forced me but I still felt compelled to shovel them in my mouth.  A part of me wants to keep this "indescretion" hidden and yet I know in my heart to move past these episodes.  I must own these bad days and not blank them out.  That's when I look in the mirror and go "whoa! How did this happen?"  Well it happens when I eat two doughnuts that I didn't want.  That's a good place to start.  So if my exercise is holding steady it is time to tighten my belt (soon I hope!)  if I can address better eating habits.  I believe I found my foundation.  Starting Wednesday I am beginning the 10 day sprinting journey to eat more "real" food.  I came across this site today due to a friend liking it and began my own investigation at http://www.100daysofrealfood.com/ .  She has a ten day challenge for people to sign up and all day I have had that nervous bubble in my stomach.  That feeling, can I really do this?  It makes me uncomfortable and nervous, but yet feel the conviction in my heart that this is the start I have been searching.  I have to let go of my comfort foods that for the most part are just packages of chemicals and little to no nutrition. So after talking with my hubby we excitedly await to allow ourselves a little time to plan.  Real food takes foresight to prepare.  You can't just open the pantry, open a box, pour out contents maybe add water and cook.  Buon Appetit, but not really because what are we really eating?  Also I tend to follow instanteously without really weighing the pros and cons.  So I tentatively step up to the plate and hope for a home run but would be ecstatic with my shaking knees not to strike out.

May your HealthFull Journey excite you in unexpected ways but that fill you with hope, peace, and joy. 'Til we meet again. . .

Holla for Hula

Oh yes all, it is Thursday which tends to be the day I return to the library and pick out my exercise DVDs for the week.  I will be lifting with Miss Jillian Michaels and for super fun I dared to Hula.  After the Bellydance debacle, "Bring it on!"  And this journey is about learning so before I got distracted by the Hula title I sought out that important word "BEGINNER" , That's right, I am not going to get frustrated right off the bat and my reward I saw the whole DVD through.  I learned the basic seven hula steps and let me say I swung my hips with the grace of a hippopotamus, but not any hippopotamus the dancing hippo from Fantasia :)  It was beautiful as the instructor said I would be dancing like an Island Girl in no time.  I felt connected as I squated in tears and was ready to hit power off, she whispers, "Hang in there, You can do it!" Our connection was so strong, she might as well have said "Suck it up Suzy, we are gonna see this dance all the way through!"  That's what I heard.  And so for thirty-three minutes, I swung, stretched, sweated, shook and swayed my hips.  I definitely grasped a lot more of the moves than the Bellydancing moments.  Bollywood still has been my favorite find.  You may wonder why I am drawn to the dancing DVDs but if I was to admit my "quiet hidden secretive" childhood dream, I would have to confess I have always wanted to be a dancer. I used to pull out Grease, Electric Bugaloo 2, Parent Trap 3 (I believe it was a Janet Jackson dance number), Dirty Dancing (who didn't replay this a million times), Sleeping Beauty, and would mimic the dance (perfectly executed in my head, maybe 20% accurate in reality, especially since my dance partner tended to be a three foot futon cushion :)  So as I journey to a more HealthFULL life I am living my dream, in a distance land so far away known as my living room.  So bring on the Bellydancing, Bollywood, and let's Holla for Hula!

  May your journey lead you closer to your dreams and bring Health to a FULL circle in your life. 'Til we meet again. . .

Because It's Wednesday

Having a happy day and doesn't that just change the outlook on everything!  Some people love Fridays thinking what the weekend bring, others love Sundays as for many it is a family day, but my special day lately is Wednesday.  My son was born on a Wednesday and was even due on a Wednesday.  And lately,  Wednesdays are mommy and baby days.  I love them.  My whole purpose for this day is just to be present with my son.  My hubby's schedule requires him to leave the house super early on Wednesdays (which means he usually gets to come earlier).  So my little Bug-a-Boo and I just spend some quality time together.  I love that if he is having a sleepy day (or mommy is) we can nap on and off according to our schedule.  We have all day to laugh and giggle (and his giggle is probably why I am so happy on Wednesdays).

Part of this HealthFULL Journey is opening my life to allow experts in to "my personal space" and admit I don't know everything and NEED HELP.  Which has never been easy for me, sometimes due to pride, sometimes due to feeling unworthy, or sometimes due to guilt thinking/knowing others could use/need the help more.  One of those professionals is working with my son due to his prematurity to help us keep him on track with his developmental skills.  At first, I was nervous, even downright uncomfortable.  Another person touching my baby and supposedly knows what is better for him, than me?!?!?  But in my heart I knew we had to at least give her the chance.  She is fabulous.  We call her our son's personal trainer and she works him out.  He has improved leaps and bounds (some is due to his own progress) but a lot of credit needs to go to this special lady.  She is our compass in a journey that has been filled with a lot of shaky steps.  She helps us to move forward with purpose which brings much confidence.  So though I am starting to open up my special day, she helps me be even more present with my son and allow him the chance to grow stronger and healthier on his own journey.  I wouldn't want to nor could I deny anyone that, especially my own son.  So we start our morning at our pace and wait excitedly for some "fun".  Then the rest of the day is ours again.  With this being "our" special day my movement had to include some serious baby snuggling.  We opted for Mommy and Baby Yoga.  Now that we are old pros (interacting with the DVD already once before).  We already had some "personal" jokes and seeing his smile definitely motivated me to finish the DVD all the way through (minus two minutes because I don't like that part and another two minutes to clean up some spit up).  There was lots of napping on the lil' one's end which let mommy have some time to read and finish some school work.  Both events much appreciated and much needed :)
Food victory was ease.  Finding some ways to store fruit so that it is a quick snack to fix(have the grapes and strawberries already washed and bagged - yes this makes the food spoil quicker but the fruit sitting an extra week in my fridge and not touched because I don't think about it is a bigger waste than having to follow a shorter lifespan) and having some veggies prepped  (mushrooms sliced, grape tomatos, peppers sliced and just throw these on top of bagged mixed greens - I know I am trying to get away from this step but it makes salad mixing so much easier and accessible for at least this household!) to make a quick salad to include with supper.  These little tricks helped a lot!  I once again hit my 5+ servings of produce without too much effort.  I love that!  I need that to attempt better eating habits.

I write this watching my little one doze in his daddy's arms and can't believe how my life functioned without these precious Wednesdays. 

May your HealthFULL Journey reveal precious gems that not only make you giggle but that change your whole world.  'Til we meet again. . .

Been There, Done That, Worth Repeating

Planning works.  I actually ate five plus servings of fruit and veggies, a little bit from all the natural color groups (except blue/purple).  By preparing my fruits I was able to eat produce with little effort and how nice to not plan, waste time, or energy running late and once again skipping the fruit/vegetables I know I should eat.  Lunch was delicious as my body could immediately feel the effects of true food.  I call it true food as I tend to gravitate to food in boxes, bags, and cans.  Stuff that comes from the ground is a welcome break.  I had a tasty lunch that included a sweet potato (trick - bake a bunch of them in foil and then store in the fridge for a couple days.  I then smashed one in a container and either eat it cold or heat for less than two minutes and I can enjoy the tasty flavor and the wonderful beta carotene.  I do warn you if you leave the potatoes in foil they will get a bit damp from the "steam" you created by baking and then cooling off.  And then I ate a salad somewhat resembling a Cobb Salad, a little meat, a little cheese and many veggies.  I dressed the salad this morning allowing the dressing to soak into the lettuce variety by lunch and still be flavorful.  However, I did pack some nuts separately as I love a little bit of crunch to my salad (wasabi peas, honey sesame sticks, and nuts all seem to work for me).  I also concentrated once again on drinking more water.  How funny and completely different are the results with just a little extra awareness.  It is easy for a day to pass and not realize the lack of produce I've consumed (or ignored might be a better word) until bedtime when it is too late to really make a difference.  So by 1 pm I had ate five veggies and fruits and drank sixty ounces of water.  I feel like I stumble upon something brilliant when I plan ahead.  I feel less rushed, more organized, and just ready for life's curveballs.  But then I need another reminder as I begin to quickly backslide into my familiar ways.

Back to bellydancing today.  It is a pretty intense work-out.  Well for me it is a pretty intense work out as I don't constantly push myself to sweat.  But as I try to wriggle and giggle I am also trying to catch my breath.  My hips still don't move like their hips tend to slither but I am actually able to follow the DVD and complete most of the moves, with some minor modifications.  Now that I went back to the DVD the first time I have started to feel it is a fun workout. 

I am drifting to lullaby town so I will bid adieu after a final wish of good night and pleasant dreams.  May your journey revisit pivotal and enjoyable moments.  'Til we meet again. . .

Going Through the Motions

Today was Monday and I had the full Monday blahs. I started the morning at five am and let the marathon begin. I start with high hopes but by five oh five I am off schedule. I hit snooze. Well, okay honestly I reset the alarm clock for a half hour later. I was hoping to get my work out done in the morning and not have to fret. But sleep sounded more important and certainly more enticing. Then toast for breakfast because the morning was moving rapidly by me after sneaking in a feeding and cuddle with one of my fave people. Then work and then unto my parents for a family meal. There were healthier options but I didn't even notice. I just grabbed for flavor and comfort actually bumping my hand on veggies and bypassing them. Bring on the rolls! And it was driving home that it hit me. I had several choices to be healthier and I skipped them because I was on autopilot just going through the motions. Wake up, shove food in my mouth, shove a bottle in my son's, cuddle, burp unto work. Do my job, stop for lunch, continue work, drive to obligation, make small talk, grab food for dinner plate, drive home. That sums up my day. Even my work out on the Wii Fitness was just adding the minutes to 21 minutes. But really coming to terms of going through the motions. Because honestly I do this too often. I work myself up into a frenzy for different events and then just go numb and work off autopilot until I am recharged and ready to get myself into another frenzy and the patter continues over and over. So I packed five vegetables and fruits for tomorrow. That was my food victory. I am planning to be healthier and one way to up my success rate is to truly prepare myself. Don't pack chips for lunch because how convenient can you get (grab bag put into other plastic bag , bring to work.) Love simple! So I grabbed the knife and cut up an apple. Mixed together a hearty salad and smashed a sweet potato already baked. I have to keep myself aware to truly live in the moment and stop settling for the autopilot life. It's not fun because I'm not connecting to it and therefore it is not engaging and its like I am edging myself out of my own life. Because when you stop connecting then what's the point? So I have to remember to plug back in and not retreat. Signs you may not be connecting - avoiding mirrors (who wants to face reality) , punching ignore and quiet on the cell phone more times than answering (because why bother), less than three destinations in your day (home, work, childcare - this screams routine with no adventure and what kind of journey is that?) , and unaware if you have smiled or frowned within the last five minutes (what kind of mood are you projecting? and more important what kind of mood are you feeling). Ways to connect - take a minute to admire yourself in the mirror and dress in an outfit that is attractive and comforting, calling friends/family or sitting down to write a note to let someone know you care, stop to smell the roses or at least allow yourself and extra thirty minutes to check out a new shop/eatery, and stretch your face muscles by making funny faces. May you HealthFULL Journey incorporate fun, fellowship, and FULLness. Let's stop going through the motions and letting the precious seconds slip by and Live FULLy by Fully Understanding Life by Living. ' Til we meet again. . .

Souper Sunday

Saturday was a day of rest from this HealthFULL Journey. Not that I went on the binge I fantasized about Friday, nor did I sit on my duff all day watching the DVR eating potato chips (althought I have spent many A Saturdays like this *Blush*). No Saturday the sixteenth was just hanging out with the family and an official workout didn't happen. My hubby and I did walk the shops and wishlist (kind of like window shopping but actually plan to purchase in the near and not-so-near future). Oh dates at Lowe's (this makes me feel so old!). There has been a trend occurring that is not so good. I only exercised 11 minutes in response to the overwhelming Bellydance DVD. And then nothing really counted Saturday. So Sunday rolls around and I just want to throw in the towel and say no movement today either. Grab a book and enjoy the peacefulness of a Sunday rest with the family. I finished my book and my hubby grabbed a nap as he took the morning feeding with our son. (My hubby is so fabulous!!!) I was planning to cuddle with my little one after I did a couple of tasks around the house (dishes, baby laundry, etc.). I came back to cuddle with my lil' one but he was down for a spontaneous nap (which is rare! He is more of a snoozer. Great sleeper at night but during the day he rarely goes down.) Hmmm. Once again the house is quiet. . . Do I dare . . . Yes! I DO DARE! Bellydance DVD you and I are going to face off once again. You had the edge of surprise last time as you drew me in with friendly language and enticing emotions. But today you and I will dance. I have the remote handy and if I must I will rewind and pause to get these motions somewhat correct (I mean if I paused until I perfected these moves, DVD players will be extinct and I'd be the killer abs Grandma) :) So here we go DVD (Ms. Raina) Let's squirm! I did it! Well as well as I could but I worked out for forty minutes (to make up for the missed Saturday and I forgave myself Friday as Thursday had been a double-dose day of movement). The routine was 34 minutes so I followed her performance and mimiced what I could for 4 minutes and then repeated the bellydance/hip-hop routine I learned from the DVD a couple of times. I figure-eighted my hips, popped my knees, grapevined, swayed, twirled, spine snapped my way through a work-out. My hubby did awake due to a phone call as I "glistened" myself through this somewhat humiliating work-out. I could pretend sexy when it is just me and my DVD, once the peanut gallery arrives I no longer slither but flop, I no longer glide but drag. But I did it. I learned you cannot attempt this Bellydance half-heartedly, it requires commitment or someone is getting hurt. So after I worked up an appetite we had to decide what would make a good Sunday lunch. I was perusing some cookbooks for a fennel recipe. I bought some fennel as a new veggie to try. I see cooking shows always tossing in some fennel. Ta-da I found the perfect recipe that used ingredients we already had on hand. Let's cook! It was a Squash Apple soup. I must confess I have never made home-made soup (unless you count opening the can as home-made.) Depressing right? We even have an immersion blender that I promised my hubby if we got one I would blend soups, smoothies, dips, sauces galore. Umm we've had it maybe two years and we took it out of the box today. Ta-da! So soup it is! I chopped the fennel and snuck a bite. Texture wise - celery, flavor - wise a peppery licorice. Hmmm interesting. I am not a huge licorice fan but not overly powerful. My hubby toasted some fennel seeds which definitely gave off a distinctive aroma (to me equaled licorice hands down; my hubby thought more like Italian Sausage). We cubed butternut squash (one of my faves - YUMMY!) and cubed granny smith and also matchsticked another granny smith apple. I was a chopping fool. We added stock and some rice (2 tbsp of rice thickens and creams out your soup like you add buckets of cream and none is present - love this trick! Thank you recipe!) The soup took roughly eighty minutes from finding in the magazine until filling my stomach. It was delicious, a great afternoon treat for a lazy afternoon - filling, soothing, and yet not overly much of anything - little sweet, little spice, and a little sour. Fantastic! I'm definitely trying this soup again. Fennel will no longer be on my to try list but my to buy list. What a Souper Sunday with my Super Family :) May your HealthFULL Journey be full of adventure, the occasional comfort, and the desire to Fully Understand Life by Living! 'Til we meet again. . .