Ms. Grumpy Pants

Aaaahaaaaaaaaaah! All day I have felt I could scream and really for no apparent reason. I must have put on my grumpy pants today and can't get rid of them. TGIF and nothing! Great news from my hubby! Nada! Bellydanced those blues and they only grew grumpier. It was somewhat cloudy and my mood would make you think it was hailing. I hate these kind of days. Where I don't want to talk to anyone because I fear I will steal their smile. I woke up early and hit the snooze as I had an unrestful sleep. Thankfully the baby also agreed it was a snooze morning. I then woke up as the rest of the household had needs that needed attending - breakfast all around. I enjoyed the cuddle with my son as he was at that perfect temperment in the morning, awake enough to drink the bottle but no protests to returning to the crib. I tried to sneak in my morning work-out and maybe this is where the grumpy pants make their first appearance. I was trying out my second DVD from the library - Bellydancing! I enjoyed Bollywood so much I knew I would love to Bellydance (in the privacy of my own home with the rest of the house asleep :) Ummm...not so much. My belly not quite as trained as the dancers. When they say figure eight I am pretty sure my belly circles like a beach ball and that cool snake like movement well my belly jiggles more than writhes like a snake. In my excitement I had made up a description on the Bellydance DVD. That it was for beginners and would cover the basics. Upon my second re-examination it actually states that it is for Intermediates. So there was no pausing to explain how to pop a knee and how to wiggle instead of jiggle. I tried for eleven and half minutes but I wasn't feeling the sexy that I had pinned my hopes for this DVD. So I still owe myself eight and half minutes. Maybe I felt grumpy because I left something half done. Then off to work where I just was agitated, I was working myself up to a frenzy. I wanted to have a junk food blitz. Total addict behavior but I kept scheming about what I would eat as soon as I left work. Maybe I could leave early, go home and bliss out on total junk. I even relived my fantasty binge to my husband tonight. All day I planned it, trying to hide it from my conscious (you know the angel side that argues with the devilish side). And my temptation side giggled in joy of the thought of gluttony. Anything they asked me to do at work I cringed as it kept my junk food at bay. How dare these people ask me to do my job and work the full day. What nonsense! I was just obsessing about this delicious binge that would quell and calm all the anxiety storms brewing. (Bills, homework due tonight like a paper, feeling like a martyr, blah blah the list continues). And I kept reminding myself that in truth those burgers aren't going to taste that good and the brownies aren't going to quell the storm but hype me up on sugar and make me sick to my stomach. Ahh but Mr. Temptation does not listen to logic/reason/facts, it dismisses them and paints beautiful pictures and ignites the senses to crave more. Begging for the illusions to continue until there is no ifs, ands, or buts, one must just give in. I had three distinct plans of action depending on what time I left work. And do you know what I chose to follow, not a one of them. (I got off work late and didn't have a contingency plan). But that is the food victory. All day I obsessed and fretted over this perfect snack/binge/meal. And resisted. It stunk and it's not a victory as I feel beat up. But I survived, some days are just more challenging. May your HealthFULL Journey help you leave the grumpy pants behind but on those days of anxiousness may you find the Calm that does not come from the Stuffed Belly :) ' Til we meet again. . . (Hopefully without the Grumpy Pants :)

Double Dose

Rough morning start. There are a few sounds in the world that you just dread the result. I was in another room when I heard the coughing sound, that guttural cough from our dog that you want to hustle her to the outside. I was stuck and knew I wouldn't get there in time. So with trepidation I rounded the corner. Nothing. I didn't see anything. Do you know what is worse than finding the surprise after that sound, finding nothing. So I continued my search. Hmm. . . Well I don't remember planting that pile of grass in our living room, oh right that's the surprise. Blech! Always fun to clean up such a present first thing in the morning. I then was trying to squeeze in a work-out (even though I lost some time). My plans were to return my previous DVDs to the library as I was already overdue but wanted to Bollywood at least one more time. It was still as fun as the first time. How funny that even a second attempt I could already notice the improvement. Some of the steps were easier and still makes me giggle to feed the chickens and gorilla walk. And then it is time to head off to work. I started my day with water which was my food victory. Work happened and then I hit the library after buying some fresh produce. As we have been out of town we were sorely lacking fresh veggies and fruit. (another victory). At the library I traded my excercise DVDs for two new ones. Even though I had already worked out for the day I had to do a double dose. I was so excited to try out one of the programs as it was yoga for mommy and baby. I was so pumped. I was thinking "what a bonding experience this will be for me and my little guy". The DVD wasn't quite what I anticipated. I wasn't strong enough for some of the moves and might have been more willing to try but I was terrified of dropping my lil one. Much better to be safe than sorry. There were a couple of moves that brought my son to giggles and I will take that any day of the week. I feel that this might be more fun as a group in a class setting (which is what the video was). But I will probably try this at least one more time with my guy for future ideas to bond and giggle and help improve health (especially mommy's :) Then it was time for a bottle for my lil' one and he is going through a phase. The I drink just a little more than what I share by spitting it back up all over everyone. What a fun phase. That's how I usually respond "How fun!" (Not always in the sweetest tone, but I do try to share a smile. But seriously one can only smell like sour formula so often before patience runs thin. ) Ahh what a day of doubles, and clean up to start my morning and clean up to end the evening. "How fun!" (with a smile :) May your HealthFULL Journey include double doses of the good stuff. 'Til we meet again. . .

Seeking something Better

Have you had that day? Oh you know that day where you are looking for the lost keys, can't find the keys until you look for your wallet but then find your keys? Can't find your wallet and start looking for you shoes, no shoes but there is the wallet. I have not been able to find my Bollywood DVD that I really enjoyed (and is now overdue, OOPS!). I searched upstairs, guest bedroom, kitchen, everyone where practical and everywhere not so practical. Nada. I checked twice in unobvious places and three times in obvious. Still nowhere to be found. I resolved myself to paying for the DVD and maybe hopefully finding it one day. I then had to find a notebook with some important information. Started re-checking all the spots I have visited today and guess what found the Bollywood DVD but no notebook. So yay but eek! Since I couldn't find the DVD this morning I went with Yoga as I was ready to work out and had to get on with my life after a forty minute hide and seek. (Maybe I could have counted this as my workout :) It became a day of frustration and I turned to some familiar vices. I was getting agitated trying to figure out a schedule with some unpredictable days and paying bills and the drill of everyday life that can get frustrating if you allow the unknown details to stress. I allowed myself to stress and turned to old coping skills. Which means food. I could sense what I was doing but didn't want to be aware. I caught myself shoveling chips into my face because they're easy. Open a bag, pop in mouth, Voila! I let myself feel sorry and nervous and didn't want to problem solve or be strong. I wanted to munch and gnaw my way through the unresolved feelings. I forced myself to stop and that was the food victory. I want to beat myself up and then recomfort myself with sweets. Its like a bad relationship, food beat me up add the calories, soothe my worries, I'll feel guilty and then to feel better will munch away once again on flavors of sweet and comforting textures. But I reminded myself to be present. Not only was I snacking my way through frustration but I wasn't even enjoying the food. Which is ridiculous. Stuff my face and not even enjoy it. Those calories are so not worth it. Today not a huge victory but also not a total defeat. And sometimes surviving a battle is the best one can do, every day wins will not make me a champion, but surviving every day makes me a contender. I am still in the fight! May your journey have you seeking something better and that when needed you find what has been lost. 'Til we meet again. . .

Wrapping up the travels

It is so exciting to travel and experience a change; the atmosphere is different, the cuisine is different, the people are different, and with all this different therefore it is easy to assume we are different. Our worlds are different, we're forced to let go of everyday comforts. We traveled for quite a while in the car took some breaks to stretch, re-set moods, and energize. Upon hours and hours on the road I didn't focus on squeezing in my twenty minutes of work-out so after we unpacked, ordered a pizza (because we were just not cooking!) I grabbed work-out gear and hit the Wii. I missed my goal by 1.2 pounds but have lost another 3.8. I am officially the weight of my first official dr. visit for my pregnancy. So now I am really ready to start the HealthFULL Journey :) It is time to Fully Understand Life by Living. Still doing baby steps still slowly letting go of food comforts and lack of movement tendencies. I squeezed in my twenty minutes and headed to pizza. But here are the food victories. On a vacation I usually go hog wild, just pedal to the medal of calories. If it is a morsel that I feel I can't have back home then it is free game. And when we stop at familiar places extra high calorie treats are consumed without a second thought. I had an ice cream cone and pizza. I don't feel guilty because I have came a long way and still have a ways to go on how I view food. But not too long ago I would have had two milkshakes and extra dough pizza. But today I did the impossible for me. I ordered crunchy thin pizza. I have never in my life ordered extra thin crispy dough. That's like a cracker to me. I love dough/bread. That is sometimes the best part of the pizza. I hesitated when ordering which must drive my hubby crazy. Just do it! So I did and yes I missed the bite into pillowy doughness. But was super pleased with the non bloating effect. I usually stuff, okay honestly gorge myself on pizza and then go uh! I feel so full. Blech. But not today with plenty of pizza to spare. That was an empowering feeling. and the Ice cream cone was a sweet treat that was easily sixty percent less calories than if I ordered a large shake. So yes, it would be great if I was completely off junk food and fast food. But I am taking steps to change my life so that I don't run back to comforts but say good bye to them at my pace and gain control over my cravings and choices than run and hide. Life is full of temptation and you can only dodge so many hits. Sometimes you have to look it squarely in the face and say "I'm stronger than you and no longer fall for your easy taunts. If I choose to partake, it's my choice, not yours." May your HealthFULL Journey help you gain power and strength to run your life and not run from it. 'Til we meet again. . .

Halfsies

Oh the halfway mark. Isn't that a fun point in your day? your workout? your to-do list? Half way is a point to highlight. You have put in the effort and most likely progress that shows because anything left to do is less than half. Once you hit half you can tell yourself I've done half and survived this second part is going to be that much easier. I ended up doing half my workout this morning. I am trying really hard to get twenty minutes of "extra" movement in my day. Eventually thirty minutes and then my own play 60. But for now I am focusing on twenty minutes a day. I changed this when I had completed three weeks worth of fifteen minutes a day, what's an extra five minutes. A warm-up? A cool-down? So today I pulled out my resistance band. I purchased a tri cord kit of three different resistance bands with a work out dvd for roughly eight dollars. I packed one of the cords in my duffel bag. It was just liberating to pack some work out clothes, a resistance band, a yoga dvd, and a yoga strap. I figured I am planning to be healthy. Sometimes planning is half the battle. For ten minutes I flexed, tensed, focused, and relaxed different muscle groups. This left ten minutes for the day but I just had to find it, I was already half way done. Food victory came in at lunch time. My hubby and I have some local favorites that we always plan on enjoying while here on vacation. That means we needed some fried seafood Po Boys. YUM! Some special kettle chips (my favorites - voodoo gumbo but sadly these too have changed - where's all the seasoning :( and a fried pie. None of this is healthy. But it is also cuisine we don't eat everyday nor every month. So we set out to have this for lunch but we went halfsies. Normally I would easily consume all this on my own. But halfsies we get the flavor, plenty full, and half the calories (still overbudget but improvement). This left ten minutes to go for the workout so I squeezed in some silly dances. We packed what we could leaving little resources. So from my memory I chicken danced, kick-boxed, penguin waddled, Egyptian walked, and basketball hustled for a solid ten minutes. It went super quick. I like to get things done all at once but sometimes a girl just has to go halfsies :) May your HealthFULL Journey be FULL, and that you have someone you can go halfsies when needed. 'Til we meet again. . .

Falling into Relaxation

What a restful day this Sabbath day was ! It was a delightful day of family and relaxation. We started the morning with hubby feeding the baby. (SCORE!) Extra sleep for this momma and then we got ready for church at an hundred twenty-two year old Catholic Seminary. How cool! It was a touching sermon that hits the heart right when I needed a couple of those reminders but at the same time my lil' one is learning new sounds. And how much fun is it to shriek these high pitches in an older church with lots of echo? So FUN!!! Especially when the rest of the church begins to meditate and pray in silence, what a perfect time to share our new sounds with EVERYONE with an echo effect! Ahh the joys of parenthood complete with embarassment and nowhere to hide :) After church we had a jazzy brunch (minus the jazz). Food victory number one (I am grasping for straws today!), I chose a steak benedict vs. bananas foster french toast. I love sweet but figured I also enjoy a good eggs benedict and figured that there would be less calories compared to the dripping whipping cream and drenching syrup. Then onwards to home where I had an unplanned nap and so did the little boy. A nice long nap which is rare for our household. Then we woke up for a family video conference with distant family in Wisconsin (somewhat old stomping grounds). And then dinner. What a fun day, brunch, nap, and back to supper. We were going to try a steamery restaurant. It serves up tons of seafood and NONE of it fried. Oh it was delicious! This is a pathetic food victory but honest, I didn't dip EVERYTHING in butter. (I warned that I was grasping at straws). After the restaurant it was getting late and still didn't have my twenty minutes of movement. I decided to pop in the Yoga DVD I brought and focus on quiet relaxing deep breaths with strong poses. Then a little tv with family where delicious cupcakes were brought out. I don't know if this counts as a food victory because so far the yummy frosting has not crossed my lips but they are awfully tempting as I finish up this blog. Today was about true R & R but not turning towards full comforts of the past. It was nice to relax and still maintain willpower with some purposeful movement. May your HealthFULL Journey include down time. Life today seems too easy to get oneself wrapped up into a whirlwind with no reprieve, we all need, deserve, and must take some rest to gather energy to be ready for the next adventure. 'Til we meet again. . .

Not always what you think

Wouldn't it be fun if life matched our thoughts/plans? Today we attended a Strawberry festival. It was to be both a family outing and a chance to get some movement. I imagined a beautiful day where we stroll, sample some tasty food, admire a couple of crafts, people watch other families do the same, and hear some good music. Oh doesn't that sound nice? Not at ALL what occurred. We arrived and saw the crazy madness, maybe it isn't as bad as it seems. But oh it was! We unloaded the stroller and began to play mad rush stroller derby with all 100,000 other people. We struggled and rammed our stroller down the crowded lanes and not even two minutes in our little one was turning into a strawberry himself. I believe his stroller design was creating a sauna effect. We spent about a half hour walking around but not at the smooth stolling pace I had hoped. More like a variation between a painstakingly crawl and ramming speed demon. Now festivals serve some of the unhealthiest food in the world because they will fry anything and at the strawberry festival. They fry anything and everything and add strawberry syrup. Delicious! In a sickening sweetly kind of way. Ahh they have maybe my favorite carnival treat, funnel cakes. Aren't those treats awesome? They hold so many memories of fun. These aren't an everyday treat, funnel cakes mean you are having the time of your life (carnivals, amusement parks, festivals). And we saw a location that was selling funnel cakes with 10 different toppings, oh my, delicious fried goodness with powder sugar and a topping selection. Oh too much temptation. I love variety and always feel empowered by a choice of limited edition selections. You never want to miss an opportunity to have the tastiest treat ever!!! But with this much build up could any treat ever meet this demand. No. And funnel cakes have a gazillion calories with no nutritional value. So my victory was bypassing these sweet treats (although a peanut butter choice and a chocolate strawberry choice did catch my eye of fancy). Also another food victory at the festival was we had picked up lunch three selections for thirty dollars. Are you serious? And no drinks! Outrageous! But festival prices never fit reality. We begin to eat I had chosen a turkey leg. This meal was like munching a brontosaurus bone. Ridiculously big, it also tasted a lot like ham which wasn't what I was going for. And after the ridiculous amount spent there is a click in the brain I must eat all of it as not to waste the money. But my new way of thinking is reteaching the brain, the money is gone. It is not coming back. If I am full after eating a third of what I ordered then I am still wasting the food by continuing to munch. The only difference is I have to carry the extra food at my waist instead of treating it like the waste it is and throwing it away. My stomach is starting to send the signals to my brain and I am actually starting to hear its message. STOP EATING! I wonder how long my stomach has been trying to share these messages. "I am full. We're good. Please stop!" But slowly I am beginning to hear the murmurs and feeling the difference. May your HealthFULL Journey be FULL of ideal moments and true connections. 'Til we meet again. . .

Deep Breaths

Ahhhh! The true moment of relaxation, that moment when you are in vacation and realize I am relaxing. The planning is paying off, we are here safe and sound, and anything from this point on is paradise (well after I finish one more homework assignment, then the time is completely mine :) Our gracious hosts/family left us a breakfast treat. Giving us permission to live it up on vacation and left us cinnamon rolls for breakfast. Oh that sweet doughy goodness with the warming spice of cinnamon that echoes coziness through its familiar and welcoming fragrance that warms the tastebuds. The pillows of dough that almost melt in your mouth with a couple of chewy raisins to offer a little textural difference and that sweet frosting that leaves a creamy sugar buzz of excitement. Ahh yes I have had a cinnamon roll or two in my time :) But not today!!! That's right that is one of my food victories for today. Pastries are absolutely the truest sirens of the sweets for me. And the lure of vacation relaxing my will power. However on this vacation I have other treats of cuisine I plan to taste that outweigh the cinnamon roll lure (though it does do a mighty fine job of temptation.) It is an amazing time we live in present times. Between my computer and a little planning the whole world of exercise awaits. I brought a Yoga DVD with me to try out. 28 minutes of deep breathing. And a Yoga DVD that I actually could keep up with . Not a yogi master of 20 - 30 years, where I try to compete with their flexibility. But today this yoga instructor was more my pace. She even gave me some true tips on how to "cheat" my way to yoga success. I had a view of outside as I stared at my computer screen and in the background plays the chirping of birds. Nature can be such a relaxing sound, not birds for me though. Kind of my nemesis as I am deathly afraid of these winged, horned beak, and clawing creatures. However, because the world is full of irony in the window I saw a beautiful blue jays. One of the few birds that I actually appreciate their beauty. That blue is just gorgeous and their funky but distinguished pattern. Beautiful, still don't want one near me without a pane of glass in between. I stretched and breathe my way through 28 relaxing minutes of movement. Learned two new poses which was fun, "Shooting Star" and Warrior walk which apparently is different from Warrior Stance. I am not flexible enough for a full-on child's pose but appreciate the level of stretch I can commit. It feels good to know that even on vacation I am still choosing Health. Then we went to lunch for a must on our to munch list while in the area. It is probably one of my favorite dishes, no probably it is. Honey Pecan Shrimp from a local restaurant, no mass making of this dish. There are close imitations but this has never disappointed me. It has a crunch to the toasty nuts. A sweet tang to the sauce and beautiful plump shrimp. These are tons of calories but yummy! My husband and I fight to the death for the last couple left standing. But today I did not spear him with a fork. I hit my full level and said I'm done. I graciously offered the last couple to him. (I wasn't quite prepared for him to take them but I did offer :) I am starting to feel a freedom from food that many can't understand. (Either you have never had the level of cravings that grip your soul like addiction or you are still trapped). I know that any day I can fall for the lure of temptation. But right now I am feeling strong and in the right direction on this HealthFULL Journey. May you find peace. May you enjoy life. May your journey lead only to goodness and a FULL life for you and those you hold dear. 'Til we meet again. . .

No Passes

I am officially on vacation as we spend some time with family we don't have enough opportunities to see. We traveled by car for eleven hours (usually nine hours, but life is different these days). On vacation most rules we live by are out the window. We spend more money, do less work, forget work-outs, and eat whatever treats we desire. Why not? We're on vacation. Oh it is easy to tell oneself an excuse one after another to justify the choices of taking a break. I am at a critical time on my HealthFULL Journey. It has been just over 3 weeks I have started my fifteen minutes of movement and one food victory and to blog everyday. Things are just starting to feel almost natural. It is time to challenge myself and not fall down the hill. Life doesn't have a hall pass. You can't skip a day to get to the good stuff. I can't eat junk today and expect to be healthy tomorrow. For some a break at vacation is ideal. But not me, not right now. The food victory was shockingly easy. We spent 10 + hours in a car and I didn't eat one single snack. When the car was moving, I wasn't munching. That's amazing, usually road trips bring all the yummy treats. But slowly my body is forgetting the craving training I have placed on it for 30 years. Slowly I am retraining myself to feel full. I don't have to finish a helping to clear a plate. Food can remain on my plate and it is all going to be okay. Simple concept for many but a huge growth mark for me. And exercise was ridiculous. But was completed as I snuck away to our bedroom. While still in jeans and a 2 by 2 foot space I moved by way through fifteen minutes. I am hoping to complete 20 minutes starting with in this week. My goal is to work up to an hour a day. But through baby steps.. I danced, strecteched my way to a fitter version of myself, at least more fit than yesterday and isn't that the goal? To make real-life changes. It would be easy to push away exercise and climb into a comfy bed, I started with five minutes to check that off the list and without realizing it I slowly pushed two minutes back., until I completed the full fifteen minutes. May you find inner strength and do not pass on opportunities in your life. 'Til we meet again. . .

Touching base

I feel like I have been playing a game of tag all day. We are about to embark on our first family vacation and are super excited and tense! So all day we have ran between the bedrooms, paid attention to our son who is not quite fourteen pounds and requires 200 items for the trip to hopefully run smoothly. My hubby and I would meet in one room migrate to another and return to the meeting spot as home base. We planned, designed, ran around, and then re-packed a million different things! WOWSERS. Still so much to do but the food victory is not stuffing my face at every pass to the kitchen and that our snacks for the car trip are about half the stash we usually bring (maybe it is due to lack of space :) May your Fully Understanding Life by Living Journey include challenges to prove how far you have really grown. May you also open up to new possibilities not even a thought previously. 'Til we meet again. . .

Letting Go

Oh it isn't easy to let go, is it? I will admit I have my moments of being a control freak and it was only a couple of years ago that I even realized that I do not like to have chaos occur without a safety net. So carefully I would hide my nets without even realizing it. And if I am being honest I don't like to loosen my grip because my trust is so low. I hated trust falls because of my weight. Or at least I told myself that. But maybe it's I hold my weight because I don't trust. My own personal chicken/egg quandry, which came first? I remember a time when I was about 14 years old. I was at camp and we were participating in several team building unity games/exercises. One was to move our group over a mud pile using only a rope unto a small square platform. Possible but only with maneuvering and team work. I have little arm strength, even back then. I am unaware if I have ever done a chin up on the monkey bars. Heck I didn't even like the monkey bars where you hang all of your body weight with only your arms holding you in the air. Yeah not my cup of tea. And I remember thinking back then, no way could I ever lift myself in the air, swing through the air on the rope, and land somewhat gracefully on that box. No way, I am no Tarzan! But we all had to make our "attempt" and I will admit those early teenage years I was a bit surly. So I gave it a run, well a little jog, jumped for the rope and made contact. Amazing for one whole second until all of a sudden I flip upside down and splat in the mud hard (and just because it is a weird detail I remember I was wearing all white, inside out sweatshirt , because yes I was that cool . Forgive me it was early nineties and white shorts.) Oh this game is done. I fell in the mud, made a fool but thank goodness it is over let's move on. There was one other part to this exercise building teamwork. If someone touched the mud (you know with the tip of their sneaker, I proudly was the only person to fully land in the mud) the WHOLE group had to start over. I don't how team-building this part was as much as team anger building :) The group was about half way when I went kersplat! So off everyone comes (I am going to say there was roughly 16 of us, faulty memory could be 10 could be 20. 16 seems fair). They asked if I was injured. Nope because I was a clumsy kid with plenty of padding. Just a bruise to the old ego and really dirty clothes. So they let me stand off to the side. And as I watched, I cheered on the team, helped strategize and then we got to about three people to go. When they start saying my name. Alright let's get Suzy on the platform. Oh no she is already on the platform (there were two Suzy's if you could believe it.) And they're like, no its your turn. Umm..no!!! I am covered in mud, remember I fell flat on back, proving I am not coordinated enought to participate. No way people! And I believe the counselors were going to give me a pass. But no, some smarty pants has to follow the rules and shout from the box. I wanted to cry. And I certainly debated if I should claim injury. But after quite a bit of hemming and hawing. (Seriously covered in mud!!!!) I gritted the teeth I ran grabbed the rope, whispered a prayer, and three seconds later I swung through the air (That's right all of me) swung through the air and landed on the platform. Oh wow! How freeing, how amazing! And seriously had I hung on for two more seconds no muddy clothes? I've held myself back a lot in my life without even counting those moments. I just know I would be the person clinging to the mountain losing my grip and someone standing there offering me their hand for support. And I would shake my head you could never hold me. And yet I have no chance of survival gripping to the mountain. Slowly on this HealthFULL Journey I am letting go of my preconceived notions. I am letting go of my safety comforts. And most importantly I am slowly letting go of my shield, pounds and pounds of it. This morning I had to let go (it is slowly becoming a daily exercise) because I had prayed last night. God it would help if I could wake up extra early to get my movement in, ready for a trip, and finish a work project. Oh God has a sense of humor. I awoke at one a.m. to what sounded like a hail storm and a horrible windstorm. A little too early. So at 4:45 a.m. my dog awakes me by licking my elbow. Has she lost her mind? Miss Belle felt she had to go outside. So I drag myself out of bed and was going to crawl back into bed for about a half hour more of sleep; when I remembered "You wanted to wake up early". Oh no! But I was feeling somewhat awake. I gathered myself and hit the Wii Fit. I did a nice long boxing routine with a little yoga to equal 31 minutes. I then proceeded to clear the dishwasher, pull out the expired food, get ready, and cuddle with my little boy while thinking about the work project. Such a great start to my day, until I realized I misjudged my time and ran late to work. Seriously? I wake up at 4:45 a.m. and I am still late to work? Ridiculous! So I had to let go of my morning agenda. Perfection would not occur today. My food victory is slowly letting go of my snack comforts. Not that all snacks are bad. My choices were for the most part. Snacks range usually 100 - 200. Mine could be anywhere from 400 - 1200 extra calories. That high number is the total number of calories many people consume. And that is my snack? I am learning about snacks that are packaged to discourage extra snacking/bingeing. I also am trying to find items not pure carbs. (I LOVE CARBS!) and need more variety. Letting Go is never easy! May your HealthFULL Journey leave you surprised, blessed with humor and the ability to laugh yourself, and most important that you have trust in yourself and those you hold dear. 'Til we meet again. . .

Short and sweet

Down the road I trudge. . . *trudge trudge trudge* Sometimes the weight doesn't feel like it will budge! But daily I continue to gather my things and for at least fifteen minutes I let my sweat cling. I focus on food; and eat for nutrition and not just for my mood. Though I still crave something sweet I remind myself that a snack is different from a treat. Oh I look forward to the day when I feel strong; and not so often in the wrong. But I take my baby steps, one foot in front of the other foot. Letting the bad habits fade and the good habits take root. This journey is day by day. And I must say, I continue to strive towards my goal because its worth the world to be HealthFULLy whole! 'Til we meet again. . . And try to change my life

Going Old School

Today the food victory is learning balance. I still have so far to go with my nutritional habits, but understand to truly lose weight and become healthy I have to change both the eating habits and the exercise habits, together and utilize both changes consistently. Otherwise it is just dabbling and no real effect can take hold. Today I tried a Boost shake with Glucose Control. There was one time in my life of yo yo diets that I lost a good amount of weight with the Slim Fast Diet. And though I would never use these on an everyday basis as I am not looking for any more fad diets but thought the occasional stand in with lots of vitamins/minerals could work for those rushed mornings. It was okay but it isn't real food. And I really want to focus on eating "real food". Then we attended church and received communion which was a food victory too. It is a part of health that I want to rebuild and continue to grow my spiritual health. This is a HealthFULL Journey and that means I have to remember myself as a WHOLE individual. It was good to be in church and nuturing to my soul. It was a need that was being overlooked. And after church we went out to eat. Isn't this a Sunday tradition for most families? It appears so when you start to look at restaurants to eat. With a little one I am still not all that comfortable in most restaurants, depending on wait, cost, places to sit our lil' one's carrier I am not familiar to the best options. Well we ended up at a Chinese Buffett. Oh so many visits have I had to these types of restaurants. So many options, so very few healthy ones. But so many favorites. I tried to focus more on vegetable choices, less fried, and less sauced. I was somewhat successful. Its baby steps. It is so empowering to leave the restaurant not overly stuffed and hobbling from that stuffed feeling. (That is such a depressing statement that I even know that feeling!) But that is why this HealthFULL Journey is needed, because it is time to for change and to LIVE. Where does the balance come? Well I had a light breakfast, heavy lunch, and a super light dinner, actually haven't eaten yet. But thinking of something light as it is quarter to midnight. Movement today was hoping for the park or a family walk as it was such a gorgeous day but we have had a family to do list that was growing dust. We have made headway and that is exciting, plus with it being Sunday, family nap sounded so nice (and it was !). So excercise turned into fifteen minutes of old school warm-ups. I attempted excercises that were a part of my daily life as an elementary school student. Oh my Goodness!!!! My body certainly is not the same as it was. I completed jumping jacks which used to be my favorite. Not so much any more. Those suckers burn in the calves. And windmills, well they can wind ya! I also got a tish dizzy and lost count several times. But in a weird way fun that I actually could still complete these. On to cherry pickers, tap the ground three times stretching further back with each pat and reaching to the sky :) Sure but once again did it. Now unto mountain climbers, um wow, so not easy! I accomplished ten which really would have counted for two and half back in the day. Moving forward winded, tired, and in disbelief that there is still six minutes to go I continued to sit ups and push ups. Shocking but my abs need some work. Crazy I know but sit-ups weren't pretty. And on the push-ups I attempted them from my knees, which even my dog felt I needed a trainer. She showed encouragement by slapping the back of my head with her big ol' paw. Thanks Sgt. Belle. Still not done? My timer has to be broken! So I finished up with some Tae Bo moves and then the last two minutes I did a cool down of arm circles, neck circles, and tip toe reaches. Wow those fifteen minutes never felt so long, but they are fifteen minutes on the journey to HealthFULL strides. Another marker to see in the future. When mountain climbers aren't strenuous and the push-ups aren't so bad that even my dog needs to paw slap my head :) May your journey include steps to fulfill all your HealthFULL needs. May love and encouragement come from all aspects of your life and make you smile when you need it the most. 'Til we meet again. . .

Blah Blah blah

What a day to feel blah! I just couldn't get out of my funk today. The weather was beautiful, we had plans for the evening, and most of the day was a good ol' family day. However I just couldn't shake my black cloud feeling. The kind of day you just want to crawl under some comfy blankets, paw through a bag of potato chips, skip movement of any sort, and just cuddle with the baby. Any plans sound like a hassle ( no matter how fun they seem). Have You just ever had a day where within five minutes your life changes three times over? We had a moment like that and I won't bore you with details but it certainly was an emotional whiplash. And possibly sharing my story yesterday let go of some burden but also made me vulnerable and no one likes to feel prone for an attack. For so long I have used food as my crutch, my shield, my blanket. It was meant to be sustenance and if occasionally tasty a double bonus. But these blah days are the days I have to re-teach myself that food can't be the solve all. These are the days that movement is necessary and whatever means I can use to pull the bootstraps I have to muster through. This is my life and I deserve to feel good and my little boy deserves to have a mom who wants to play and more importantly who can play. So to the Wii Fit seemed the easiest to set up and complete the fifteen minutes. I stepped on the board to receive my balance check and weight. My balance was spot on; a balanced fifty percent on each foot. Yay. Then the scale plus two pounds. Blah!!! I know I know within a day a body can fluctuate plus or minus two pounds. But when you are feeling blah seeing a gain of any sort so not cool. Then I took my body tests, walking and peripheal. Umm the Wii Fit said walking wasn't really my thing. Oh good, it's only a life skill that one uses daily. Fantastic! Then it told me I was approximately 33 years of age. I was 22 a week ago. I gained eleven years, what a wonderful blah moment to add to the list. I decided to push through my ticked off punk side and skateboarded better than I have ever done. Great! The tides are changing. I then tried juggling which is very metaphoric in my life. Juggling all of the roles life has cast upon me as of recently. I would start to get a routine going, feeling good, and then the game started to lob bombs directly at me. This game is my life story. After my rough start with juggling I decided to try an obstacle course where I was flattened by a log and sent airbourne by a giant ball and chain. Yup this is very close to how I was feeling before starting Wii Fitness and was true after thirty minutes of working out. It was time to get ready to go out and my blah ness started to cover my thoughts. Have you ever put soap in your hair because of being distracted? I have but today I did the opposite. I used my shampoo as soap and then I couldn't remember if I had washed my hair or not? I figured it out and just felt remarkably blah. I couldn't even shower right today. It was then time to go and me and my son shared a first. We had the chance to experience our first crawfish boil, which is funny because they are not all that common in South Carolina. Tasty morsels with lots of veggies soaking up that delicious seasoning, very yummy! We visited and caught up with family and friends and showed off our little cutie. My food victory was a basic one today. I drank my eight glasses of water (which I might want even more after the crawfish boil). It has been awhile since I have stayed as hydrated as I should. It really is an easy thing to accomplish to drink water and yet I have let myself stray from the habit. I really can tell the difference from when I am occasionally sipping H2O and drinking as least the recommended amount. Hopefully this is a start to a lifechanging trend. May your healthFULL Journey have very little blahness but when it does happen that you have support and motivation to push through. Because blah moments pass and usually bliss is what follows. Work through the blahs to truly embrace the bliss. 'Til we meet again. . .

The Rise and Fall of Confidence

I started out with a stellar morning. You know the kind where you jump out of bed ready to slay dragons, leap tall buildings and still clean the house before lunch. Maybe I was still feeling the endorphins of my Bollywood experience or perhaps because it is TGIF. Isn't there something just electric about Fridays? Saturdays and Sundays are nice, but Fridays hold the anticipation of the infinite possibilities that the weekend may hold. I was able to squeeze in 21 minutes of a quick Wii Fitness routine and me and the Wii shared a little April Fool's joke. I got ready, pulled out tofu for tonight's dinner (tofu sloppy joes, sweet potato fries and asparagus , YUM!) and for breakfast had an ice cream bar. Maybe not a practical everyday solution but today I was feeling invincible. I looked over the calories, carbs, protein, and fat and they were all in reasonable limits (it was an ice cream bar from Weight Watchers.) Two hours later I realize why we need something a little more substantial as I was feeling some grumbling. But for that moment I felt like wonder woman ready for her power bracelets and cape (though for now I'll hold off on the lycra suit :) It wasn't even ten a.m. and I had my food victory(prepping for dinner, eating breakfast, reading labels, and making a choice!) and movement done for the day. And though I had a pretty good day, here it is evening and I am overwhelmed with emotions and doubts. I had two homework assignments and had left them last minute once again. As I am trying to process through the blahs I realize that is also part of the journey. I will have highs but I will also have lows. For awhile I have felt in my heart that if this journey is to be FULL, then it also has to be real. It is time to confront some past memories that I ignored when they were happening. It is time to look back, reflect, and say good bye to some of the pain that I have held too long on my waist, my hips, and my stomach. Hopefully, by sharing some of these struggles I can feel unburdened and release the extra weight on my shoulders. One memory that I wished I had spoken up. My weight has not only confined my breath but my voice. I was working at a grocery store at my heaviest about seven years ago I was roughly 60+ pounds heavier than I am today. My work shirt didn't fit as it couldn't button "comfortably" and by comfortably I mean several buttons would come undone. So I wore a work sweatshirt over it. Which I stretched and stretched and it still barely fit. I was helping a customer and her daughter asked her mother a very simple question. "Why is that lady (I would be that lady) so fat?" And the mom first tried to ignore her daughter (maybe 4 years old) I too took the mother's cue and acted indifferent as if I did not hear the daughter who was only 10 inches from me. Most people know the daughter does not pick up the adult cue of ignorance is bliss. She again asked her mother the same question. Her mother now panics that I will hear this question and tells her daughter to stop. Her daughter repeats the question louder and the mother grabs her husband and panickly demands that he take their daughter out of the store. I still remain neutral and non reactive. Although my heart is breaking for the little girl who doesn't understand what she has said to upset her mom. Once her curious daughter is gone, The mom then fidgets with her wallet, smiles a nervous smile and tries to compose herself. I continue to remain neutral and end our forced overpolite exchange. I have thought of this incidence numerous times. There were so many choices that could have led to a better out come. In real life three of us left that exchange uncomfortable, embarassed, and hurt. Had I said one thing or shown acknowledgement at least one of us would have walked away in an improved state. This journey is to Fully Understand Life by Living. This incident is only one example that I was only going through the motions and not truly living. I still have that sweatshirt, it's baggier these days, but I also had this memory that would tighten my heart. I hope the mom was able to calm her daughter and let her know that it isn't wrong to ask questions, to be curious, to want to know more. And maybe the person I used to be can find her voice in all these heavy memories. May your journey be Full of possibilities and low on regrets. 'til we meet again. . .