Uh- Oh this is not for beginner's!!!

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Let's start with the food victory of today. I had three minor breakthroughs for today. One: I ate breakfast, gave my son his bottle, and ready to eat again. What? Am I now linked to the baby's metabolism. It has only been thirty minutes since I finished breakfast and in my head I am ripping through the cupboards. Okay thoughts let's pull together. Think past the craving, Stomach? Are we truly hungry? No. We are home for the day, the food is going nowhere let's start to pull together a plan of what needs to get done. And I just started clearing stuff off my to do list. Play with baby. Check! Strip sheets, change bedding. Check! Sweep and vacuum. Done! Let's give the baby an early bath and get ready for the doctor. On a streak! Sterilize bottles for the rest of the day. Throw in some laundry, we're chugging along. Thinking about food, not a second! Drew was ready for his doctor's and smelling good we still had about 2 1/2 hours. So I let him have some swing time to lull him into nap mode while I worked out next to him. I threw in a DVD I had used only one section of and we will get into this in the next paragraph. I got myself ready to take Drew to the Doctor. And realized I was hungry and it was lunchtime. Hours passed and I hadn't torn through the cupboards. Yay victory 1. Victory 2 is I modified one of my favorite go-to lunches. Inside I am still a kid at heart. Spaghetti O's are still one of my favorite lunches. Easy, comforting, and filling. My old version is I would cut up two turkey dogs and throw in a bowl with the Spaghetti O's, tore up two slices of cheese and hid them through the dish. And then I would toast two pieces of bread, butter the slices and then scoop up the O's with the toast. I confess I am a scooper with bread and a dipper with sauces. The problem with this, is those two things add a LOT of calories and rarely serve a true purpose. So I modified my dish a little. No bread. Saved at least 200 Calories. Cut out one turkey dog. Good bye 45 calories (they're pretty lean). And no cheese added. This one was the hardest. I would love to find my melted globs and how the cheese pulls. bye bye 160 Calories. I did add the one turkey dog as mentioned and a couple of mushrooms (I love fresh mushrooms, cooked, raw, bella, white, shiitaki, Bring it!). I pulled out a little fruit and yogurt, but after eating my Os I was stuffed even after cutting 400 calories and back to the fridge went the yogurt and the fruit (though I am about to pull them back out for a midnight snack - baby kiwi, they're so cute!). Wow nine times eating this meal I will save myself from a gaining a pound. That's scary. And what's worse I didn't even really notice the missing calories. The mushrooms were so much more filling than the bread. And though the cheese glops were missed it wasn't like I was going without. And victory 3 - Arriving home from the doctor appt. was close to the time I would arrive back home after work. And if you caught an earlier blog of mine you know this is a dangerous snack time zone for me. Yes I was hungry and yes I wanted something quick. So I grabbed some nuts. Big handful of nuts. More than a serving size. But stopped no combing back through the cupboard. My snack crave was met and I was satisfied. I didn't rack with guilt I wasn't overly stuffed. But satisfied. YAY! Baby steps can conquer a mile. Back to the DVD. This was no basic for beginner's. No modified edition. I used a DVD that is for resistance band work but there was a bonus of Cardio Pilates. Sounded perfect. Oh no, this lady was ready to work out and I was ill prepared. This was no "movement" this was a full on workout. Five minutes in and I am POURING sweat. Any other DVD I can recall there are "informational breaks" as they explain the exercise and the purpose. Oh no rest for the wicked with Miss Ana. She started out with a hundred jumps of different positioning. I did about 16 and felt proud. This is a lot of poundage to put up in the air all together at one time. By jump 15 my calves said, or I should say, Screamed, "Nope" this ain't working for us. And jump 16 I wasn't even having half of the air lift off. So I nodded my consent and modified the jumps to my abilities. She pumped her knees I marched proud and strong. Her counts just blended right into each other. Even Drew had a panicked O on his face from his swing. I don't know if it was the redness of my face or the ragged breath. But as I am trying to time my breath I also am cooing mommy's okay. Just swan diving and bridging. Swan diving is belly flopping rocking and probably one of the few things that I somewhat completed. I might re visit this DVD a little more down the journey and will be able to reminisce how far I've come. Another thought during this DVD. I don't breathe correctly. My breaths are ill timed and don't match my movement. Now yes I realize if you are in better shape and exercise frequently you build up your lung capacity. But I usually breathe the opposite natural. My movement doesn't the breath. This echoed throughout my thoughts today. Because of my weight I have tried to control my breath for so long in my life. If you can't hear me wheezing you won't dismiss my breath because of my laziness and weight. I have climbed many of stairs and tried to control my pace so that I look "normal" because if I wanted to breathe evenly I am a turtle slithering up those steps. But then I again am dismissed for my weight. So I grin and bear it, try to slide the sweat off my brow indiscriminately like you don't see me use my sleeve to wipe my face. And I suck in my breath even though my lungs are on fire. And today is the first time I realized I literally have allowed my weight to steal my breath. Letting my image dictate my needs. Oxygen isn't a luxury, not a privilege, it is necessary for survival. And I don't take what I need when I need because I am uncomfortable with how a stranger perceives it? Uff da! Not cool, and not right. It's time for me to reclaim my life by reclaiming my oxygen. Step by step, day by day I am going to relearn the rhythms of breathing. What's natural vs. what's forced. May your HealthFULL Journey help you Fully Understand Life by Living by breathing and feeling. 'Til we meet again. . .