Not my finest hour

Not my finest hour

Oh, the grumbling stomach holds such power!

And then leads me to not my finest hour;

But was my stomach uttering a grumble?

Or was it more a mumble?

So instead I allowed my taste buds

To taste and taste seeking out the duds.

Seeking out the dud flavors for an excuse to eat more

And more and more until my tummy mumbles too full and very sore!

Calorie after calorie slips down my throat.

Each nibble receiving a vote

but tough competition as there was much to compare

No counting calories today - I wouldn't even dare.

But feeling frustrated and today was looking like a big fail

Lets measure the damage and step on the scale

Oooooh worse than I feared

My eyes sort of teared

This week I felt a bit lazy

and then today ate crazy!

I admit today was not my finest hour.

It would be so easy to find a corner and just cower,

But in the end that won't do much good.

So, I realize my choices and accept my mood.

Let's pick up and plan to do better - starting now!

Understand that not every moment is a wow;

But that every second can hold hope.

With that kind of thinking I can cope.

Today was not my finest hour,

But with a little focus I can regain my power.

Which means time to gather my pep,

And move forward towards health - step by step. 

I wrote this little rhyme because today I snacked and munched like there was no tomorrow.  And if I continue to eat like I did there will be fewer and fewer tomorrows.  That's a pretty sobering thought.  I told myself I was hungry but my stomach more than once said - NO MORE!  And the scale wasn't kind.  But I needed that tough love today.  If someone doesn't exercise and doesn't eat right the scale isn't bound by the rules of friendship.  So I am getting organized, minimizing the chaos, and hiring myself a trainer.  Well maybe not hiring but letting my 18 month old share his wisdom as he finds the fun and play in being active and also acting as my mirror 24/7 with his mimicking ways.  Today wasn't my finest hour but tomorrow will be lots better :)

May your HealthFULL journey highlight your weaknesses so that you can improve them.  May your HealthFULL journey also display your strengths.  Because everyone has both - and it is the wise people who learn to use both. 'Til we meet again. . . 

And then there was Sunshine

Its hard to remember the warmth and the light of the sun when you are caught in a dark threatening thunderstorm.  Its frustrating to feel trapped and that any and every step will get you drenched or put you at risk.  And then the rain stops, the lightening and thundering fade, and clouds part and there it is -the sun; bright and ready to shine.

I get the momentum and everything is clicking on the healthfull journey and then lightening storms pop up.  Colds and their icky symptoms flood our household.  We throw away our routines on vacation.  And the locomotive of health stops in its tracks and retreats.  I tried really hard to stay on track with at least being active on our vacation.  We didn't even go to the beach and still played outside.  This has not always been true for us.  But we found two awesome playgrounds to have our whole family engaged.  But as I admitted I ate the opposite of healthy in New Orleans - but their food is so good and rich (if you choose their delicious sauces and such - and I DID!).  So I kept up with half of the healthy lifestyle.  Well before I corrected my eating habits - I got hit with the big old cold that drains energy and had me walking less and less....and less!  And the eating not improving so I started to feel threatened that I would never catch my locomotive of health.  So with purpose and thought I would dig in my heels and force myself baby steps.  I am back drinking soda but not the three - four cans a day.  I bought Coke Zero in 7.5 oz can.  And I am trying to allow myself up to one a day.  1 and half days in and I have had two.  So we'll see.  I got myself back to walking after a couple of days rest for the cold.  And I felt the break I took as I attempted our big hill and started pushing myself mentally mailbox to mailbox (there are eight on one side of the big hill :)   And today I ran a couple of quick errands.  The two both could be ran via drive thru.  Because its convenient I tend to use this advantage.  But I figured this is an easy extra two hundred steps I can choose to take.  The world is making it easier and easier to be lazy.  We have to make a commitment to make decisions to be active in our own lives.  Don't get me wrong that I will NEVER again use a drive -thru but when I have time then I need to remind myself this is a choice I can make to add years to my life by taking three extra minutes here and now. 

Its easy to get lost in those dark clouds.  But I promise you if you seek the sunshine you will eventually see past those threatening clouds. 

"A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit." - Proverbs 15:13

May your heart and body be healed on your own HealthFULL Journey when you seek the SONshine and that His light and warmth protect you from those threatening dark cloud kind of days. 'Til we meet again. . .

Pearly Vine

We just had a wonderful family vacation.  And I could have made healthier choices but opted for indulgence.  In the moment indulgence is divine - but the aftermath not as fun.  I feel overstuffed, overcrowded, and out of sorts.  But when one is in New Orleans there are many yummy temptations and I tended to fall for everyone.  However we are back home and back on the healthfull track!!! Routines, familiar ground, and cozy comforts are within easy reach!  Our first matter of business was to have healthy produce at the ready which also meant produce of the week!  We spent the afternoon shopping after my son and I had a sleep in morning do to our vacation colds - BOO!  One of our quick purchases of today was pearl tomatoes on the vine from Trader Joe's. (love this place!!!)  For supper my husband baked a beautiful salmon, with roasted brussel sprouts (my fave - honest to goodness one of the best finds of our new produce of the week - definitely a staple around here!!!) and dirty rice.  I am not the biggest fan of dirty rice.  I enjoy it but feel it really doesn't satisfy me as an entree and rarely can think of a good meal where it can play side dish.  Tonight's dinner worked.  And to sweeten up dirty rice which texturally can be a little heavy and "dark" tasting.  I chose to just dice up the tomatoes real quick and threw one into my rice and delicious.  It added a sweetness and a bright note to the heavy side dish.  This is a great find for me.  Because I have an odd palate when it comes to tomatoes.  I like tomato based sauces but not a fan of just the tomato (unless of course it is Bob the Tomato from Veggie Tales in that instance - HUGE FAN!!!) .  I find a lot of tomatoes to be sour, sometimes bitter.  I like them as thin slices on a burger or the sweet little bombs in a salad.  But salsa, spaghetti sauce, pizza sauce, and of course ketchup - delicious!  There are just few tomatoes though that taste yummy out of the gate for me.  These pearl tomatoes on the vine were a great note to the supper.  They added a touch of sweetness, a dash of sour, and just lifted the heavy side dish. 

Also it is nice to add a fruit/vegetable to the mix without too much fuss.  That's when it becomes difficult to broaden our tastes.  If the healthy alternative costs too much, requires too much effort, or just tastes nasty we let the excuses and the negativity turn us off and choose the familiar junk food because its cheap, easy, and we have convinced ourself tasty (which if you turn off the tv, close your eyes and really focus on the choices we eat - you will be shocked how little you like most of those comfort choices.  I have been - (but still am guily of reaching for these items out of simple familiarity)!
However I try to focus on the positive.  I may stall out.  I sometimes even take three steps backward.  But I remind myself every moment I can do better.  If I lose my footing and trail three steps - I need to try to push myself forward at least four steps and take no less than three.  Little by little as the Little Engine that could proved I think I can I think I can eventually will turn into I did it -  I did it!!!

So lets crush these tomatoes and improve our health together.  Don't let the vines tangle you but carry you closer to your goals.  May your HealthFULL journey be full of pearls of wisdom, precious gems, and the occasional irritant that turns beautiful with a little extra effort. 'Til we meet again. . .

Strides for Autism

Do you know someone who is personally affected by Autism?  Or do you know a family member of someone who falls on the sprectrum?  The chances are very likely in today's day and age. Once upon a time, around 1950, the prevalence of autism was estimated 1 in 10,000 people were diagnosed with autism.  The numbers of today for children in the United States : 1 in 88.  Do you know 10,000 people?  Probably not - at least on a personal level.  Do you know 88 people?  Probably several times over without too much effort.  There are tons of reasons these numbers have greatly changed.  We are becoming more aware - but we also need to take a more active approach in research to help reduce the causation factors and also learn how we can support our friends and family affected by life on the spectrum.  Its not easy to classify in a neat description.  But those who live with autism themselves or within their households realize that it changes everything.  You may have seen the awareness ribbons - quite attractive with the bright colors that look like puzzle pieces.  Here is a great site that displays the ribbon and description : http://www.autism-society.org/about-us/puzzle-ribbon.html .

I like to walk for so many reasons.  But sometimes it is good to have goals.  So every year I try to pick at least one cause or several to raise funds and get out there to move.  A reminder to myself that health really is a blessing, one many of us take for granted too often - until we get a cold, a flu, or those dreaded test results or a frightening diagnosis.  A diagnosis our catch 22 in life.  We want validation when we see a doctor, a medical professional, a specialist.  We like that a diagnosis points us in a direction and hopefully comes with a cure.  But sometimes, especially after our patience has been tried, too much pain felt, confusion abounding and frustration burying us we finally receive our long awaited diagnosis.  And sometimes when we finally hear "the official word" we want to return it because ignorance seems a better alternative.  Because the diagnosis was too scary.  Too much unknown.  Or too well known with little success rates.  Perhaps its manageable but not curable.  Or if curable a hard unrelenting uphill battle.  These are our friends and families who need support the most.  Many of you might identify cancer with these examples.  And absolutely that C-word is a dreadful word to hear.  But a diagnosis of autism can also feel this way.  It can bury a family in depression.  Thats why we need to continue to fight together and support each other.  We waste too much energy in blame and pointing fingers, even sometimes bullying to separate ourselves from responsibility or a little extra work. 

It doesn't take much to help in most instances.  A kind word.  A listening ear.  A few dollars out of many pockets. An extra look to see how you can personally use your talents to help.  At the walk today they called in a fun run.  Along the path were little activities to "spice" up the walk.  Touch your nose.  Bunny hop. Spin around.  Smile bigger.  Sometimes we get so caught up in our daily activities, daily lives, daily duties that we forget to take that extra minute and spin our children.  To offer a silly grin.  Seconds these take to brighten a whole afternoon for both you and whoever you're with.  I challenge you to look for extra signs in your day on how to brighten someone else's day which in turn (I guarantee!!!) will also brighten your own.

I thank you all so much for the prayers, the support, and the donations the Strides for Autism today at Heritage Park in Simpsonville, SC was a great success.  There was a good turn-out.  Some great fun (including a Zumba work-out) and a beautiful song written by a father with a child who falls on the Autism spectrum. 

We still would love to meet our goal and you can still donate online at: https://scautism.org/strides/team/3/

Puzzles abound,

Mysteries swirl,

And sometimes frustration grows!

But yet, there are moments so precious,

that steal your breath;

because for one minute

we glimpse their world.

We meet where there is purity.

Where there is no confusion

and everything makes sense.

There are a lot of smiles,

perhaps a few cheers,

and only tears of delight.

But then all too quickly

someone closes the curtains

and the light dims.

And though we are are near each other

we no longer can communicate.

So. . . we start again!

We work with hope.

We work with determination

because even if all we share is a moment---

It was a moment too precious

too important

too special to miss!!!

Join us in our fight for autism

to unlock the puzzles that silences these precious gems.

Help us to help them.

Help us to share their story.

Help them to be their best version.

And help the world be better because of what we ALL can offer.

May your healthfull journey lead you to places beyond your craziest dreams and happiest fantasies. 'Til we meet again. . .

P.S. If you like the picture of autism awareness I found it at http://www.cafepress.com/kcgraphics/2318994 with a lot of amazing images and merchandise for sale.

Tresses that were full of Stresses

Oh when I put on my Supermom Jeans I felt powerful and energetic.  After cutting my hair I felt like a brand-new woman!!! The tresses had to go.  I haven't had a proper haircut in two years, maybe a quick trim - two at the most.  That's a lot of time and a lot of damaged hair that held too many stresses.  My hair was the longest it had ever been.  As a society I believe we have taught many people that long hair usually equals a pretty factor.  That there is pride in our locks and it shows we have willpower and patience to grow out our hair.  Or people like me who just don't get around to the hairdresser.  Believe me this haircut is long overdue and been on the to-do list for at least six months.  My poor fantastic hubby patiently listened to every one of my complaints, whines, outbursts about this too long of hair.  He listened as I yakked about how I pulled my hair (accidentally) and my son pulled on my hair (for sport), how the chairs would tug my hair and I would wake-up with headaches as I continually gave myself whiplash as I would roll over my hair and then try to pull my head up.  Argh!  And finally it was time.  I called, I made an appointment and slashed it off my to do list.  The stylist cut my hair within five minutes of my arrival and as soon as that scissor snipped my hair - angels sang and I smiled the mega-watt smile. 

Because it wasn't just hair she cut.  She helped my de-stress the tresses.  That hair held heartache and worry as I would run my hands through my hair as I sang and whispered to my son in the NICU so many months ago.  Those abandoned strands held pain and frustration as I tugged it into a messy bun after my hair being pulled yet again by one of the many sources.  Those locks were loaded with guilt as I hid my face behind them in hopes to fade away from the world.  There were some dark moments these last two years and those hairs held every memory of sadness, every second of anger, and every instance of worry.  It held no joy because I keep that in my heart :)  But the tresses were stressed and therefore became more stress.

Last night I slept like a baby as I drifted into the land of slumber roughly nine o'clock.  Which is crazy unheard of behavior from me.  Which meant I woke up early with energy.  Not anger or frustration at the early rising but well rested and headache free.  I was able to be at my daily goal of seven thousand steps before ten am as I had a work-out with the Bollywood Burn (newest dvd from the library ) and yes it did burn.  I haven't worked-out besides walking in far too long of time.  Good time to mix things up since I was a brand new me :)  Then unto a walk with one of my favorite guys and canine :)  Then for an encore this afternoon I was back to raking.  I did a small section with my supermom jeans but without my stressful tresses I was able to conquer 2/3 of the yard.  Yay! 

Hair does tell a story.  I love how a seasoned hair stylist can read your lifestyle by the state of your tresses.  As we were deciding on cut and color (as I felt two years without a haircut meant there was room to splurge :)  my stylist mentioned how I could pull off a lighter blonde as I had light hair as a kid.  I did.  But I thought that shade was long gone but she knew.  She could tell how many countless tugs of ponytails and buns my hair experienced.  But my hair was telling a different story that I no longer wanted to co-author.  My tresses were displaying all my stresses and resentment and hurt and on and on.  But these days I have a pep to my step and a sappy to my happy :)  It was time to share that story with the world.  Thank you tresses for being a long for the ride - but in the nicest way possible - GOOD RIDDANCE!

May your HealthFULL Journey eliminate the stresses,  polish the tresses, and make you feel like a more joyful energized brand new version of yourself. 'Til we meet again. . .

A Fruit and a Root

I haven't posted our new produce but we have still been sampling a nutritious variety of yummy treats.  I tried a real exotic fruit last week - an apple.  Stop the crazy train, right?  :)  Yes I have had an apple a time or two in my life but not this variety called Lady Alice apples.  It sounded intriguing - it does have a royal title which must mean its impressive, right?  I thought so.   I really like Golden Delicious apples with its bright yellow skin and not as crisp flesh and a nice mild flavor - a tad sweet, very little tart, and comforting, especially with some peanut butter.  I mentioned all this because the Lady Alice apple shares a few similarities. For instance, if you see a Lady Alice apple it looks like a Golden but with a warm pink blush.  And the size just fits the palm of my hand.  The peel feels firm but not like armor (nor a candle - but sadly I have tried an apple or two that couldn't boast the same :( .  I enjoyed this variety and kept the snack real simple.  I cut it up and ate it with almond butter.  For years I have listened to some family members and friends really talk up the Honeycrisp variety.  This is a good stand - in.  I find some Honeycrisp apples to be quite large - I want a snack not a whole pie from one fruit.  Also some of the apples are REALLY sweet and when I find something REALLY sweet - thats almost scary!  So sweet you pucker your lips kind of sweet.  I also have found near the end of their season that Honeycrisp tends to be near flavorless, almost blah.  What's great about a Lady Alice apple is they take awhile to brown - you can enjoy your whole snack and it still be the white crispy slice you cut thirty minutes prior.  Also this is the perfect season for the Lady Alice to make her royal appearance; where most apples are in season during fall Lad Alice is perfectly right and ripe for Spring.  Easy go to snack at hopefully your grocer's.  I also leaned towards almond butter as peanut butter would compete against the apple's own sweetness.  Yummy!

Now unto the root.  Roots in the produce aisle look scary with their gnarliness and dirty exterior but when peeled and prepared they are so tender and delicious.  So this week we tackled the *pound piano* celery root!  These roots can be quite large and in charge.  But a great addition to a roast.  At least that's how we prepared it and loved it!  I am not a huge celery fan.  But its not really the flavor I mind - its the strings and texture.  Raw celery not a fan! But roasted or sauteed celery - quite enjoyable.  One string or snap and I'm done with it.   So celery root quite a nice find.  We had planned a roast for Monday in the crockpot.  Filling meal without too much hassle.  Monday around here we both had to get up early and work all day.  Who wants to mess with dishes after a long day?  So we were going to prep the veggies Sunday night and in the morning would just toss in the roast and turn the knob.  Simple, right?  Sort of.  We both hit that evening lull where you are just ready for bed.  And cutting vegetables sounded like such a chore.  But in all honesty ten minutes from gathering - rough chop and quick clean-up.  We quartered a couple of potatoes, chunked a big onion, and tackled the celery root.  It looks hard to deal with it.  But really a quick rinse and the peel is not tough at all.  Because the surface area tends to be good size you don't have to worry about nooks and crannies like a sunchoke or the tough exterior of the turban squash (I still get tense about that ordeal!!!) . Quick peel and you can immediately smell the celery aroma.  Its flesh has tinges a spring green that peek through the peel but a creamy white inside (closely resembling a potato).  I did read at www.eattheseasons.com mentioned you could eat it raw - but suggested slicing thin matchsticks and possibly blanching it quickly for a creamier texture. My hubby cut the root into cubes and we were ready for the roast.  I really liked the flavor it lended to the other vegetables and the meat.  It had such a comforting flavor - almost cinnamon like - tish sweet but more a warming spice - think warm apple cider on a chilly day.  It has been two days since we made our tasty roast but I just had yummy leftovers and the flavors only deepened.  And for any other diabetics or those seeking low carb - root vegetable but not loaded with starch (at least according to wikipedia and http://lowcarbdiets.about.com/od/carbcounts/a/celeriac.htm .  Great way to stretch mashed potatoes or make a creamy soup. 

Thinking spring around here but feel like I was eating autumnish :)  Its beautiful weather and we are four days away from our  Strides for Autism walk Saturday, April 14, 2012. We still would love donations to meat our $500.00 goal.  We are past the half-way point - your donation could help us meet or even surpass the goal!!! Please visit https://scautism.org/strides/team/3/ .

May your HealthFULL Journey keep you grounded to your roots but motivate you to always reach for the highest fruit :)  'Til we meet again. . .

Making Music

Out of all the Resolutions I made this year for 2012 I figured being creative would be the easiest because it would be the most fun.  I love tapping into my creative side.  It is actually the hardest to claim time.  Creative fun is great.  It speaks to my heart.  My creative endeavors used to be the activities I devoted the most time to : choir, band (flute), piano lessons, theatre (it was my college major!!!), speech, and the writing and sketching I used to do on the side.  But that was pre-adult responsibilities.  That was before Mrs. Mommy, before bills, before jobs, before life challenges.  It was a time where my biggest responsibility was to just be me and have fun and find out who I am.  Well I still am finding out who I am but the world keeps knocking at my door.  And sadly, I still keep answering. 

Another resolution I am working towards is a more organized life.  So as I worked on this goal I actually worked on the creativity resolution instead.  Life sure is funny sometimes!  One of those nagging ideas got into my head that I should give away my flute.  I had a perfect person in mind who probably could find a good home or at least a good use for an instrument that has been boxed up and hidden away for years.  I pulled out my flute to see what kind of condition it appeared to be.  I assembled the three pieces like I did many times.  It was almost a challenge to see if I still "knew" how to play and I even doubted that I would be able to recall notes.  So as my sweet son enjoyed his morning snack I played songs from the Lion King.  Sometimes stopping to sing because I just can't resist.  But surprise surprise I actually remembered how to play this instrument that I played day after day for almost eight years (well maybe not day after day - but I did claim to practice that often :) .  Shocking I know! 

As my son applauded my performance I reawakened to the joy of making music or creating art.  It fires your senses and pumps the blood through your veins just a little harder and a little faster.  Your breath increases in anticipation and then holds for the big ta-da - what would be the final product?  Oh how I have missed that purpose! That drive! That passion!  That moment where you feel you are leaving your heart wide open to whoever has time to share in the results.  The hope that somehow all your efforts will mean something to someone.  And feeling this with a couple puffs on my flute I realized I just wasn't ready to give that up quite yet. 

Before I put away my flute (hopefully for not as long as the last time) I allowed Drew a chance to "play".  He wasn't for the flute to be a flute as much as a clarinet and of course the all time favorite drums! (You can see for yourself in the pictures.)  I shared with my mom the story of how he played the flute.  She chuckled and responded with "I never imagined when we purchased that flute (twenty years ago! Crazy!!!) that your son would be playing it."

But that's life isn't it? We don't know what the ending will be.  We rarely know what's around the corner.  But we can dream.  We can work towards our dreams and enjoy the ride.  It is so important to remember that yes we have responsibilitie in life.  But we also have to remember to play, to dream, to live, to let go, and sometimes that means we need to make music. 

May your HealthFULL Journey include many rests to play, to create, to laugh, to dream, to be, and to make music whenever possible. 'Til we meet again. . .

Mrs. Mommy

My hubby Corey and I joke a lot - his sense of humor and mine just meld so we laugh and joke together a lot.  Well in one of our jokefests he started to call me Mrs. Mommy.  Which I giggled alongside him.  But the nickname has stuck in my head as quite a poignant remark.  Very rarely do I still feel Suzy for more than ten minutes at a time.  Most of the time I feel like a Mrs. or Mommy and very often a Mrs. Mommy.  As you read this it is important to know this - I count the reasons behind both of these titles my biggest blessings here on Earth.  BUT...if I am to be completely honest wasn't my dream titles (I am so proud to be both today just not what I envisions years ago).  Hear me out though. . .

Titles are funny things.  We crave them.  We work for them. We like to give them.  We as humans love labels.  They give us pecking orders. They give us futures to desire.  They give us people to dislike or at least labels to pin the blame so we don't have to face that emotion factor.  We tend to wear our titles for reasons of pride, classification, clarification, honor, and a million other reasons.  It wasn't that I didn't want to be a wife nor a mom.  I figured someday in my distant thirties I would most likely have a husband.  And perhaps a child.  But I really didn't "crave" either.  There were three titles I have shared my desire for since I was young (when thirty seemed a distant future and not a recent memory).  I wanted to Aunt Suzy (I have a theory that most people have an Uncle Bob or an Aunt Suzy - there was not extensive research and this was discovered from a small sample pool.  But most people I know have an Uncle Bob or an Aunt Suzy).  I enjoy kids.  I think they are funny, nothing makes me feel more loved than cuddling with a youngster especially singing songs together or reading and find it fascinating to join forces with their creative minds.  But I also enjoyed giving them back to their parents at the end of the day.  This sounded like a great start to following my call of being an Aunt.  (This dream did come true and I love my nieces and nephews - they are fabulous, precious, smart, creative, funny, sweet, kind, and beautiful.  I am so grateful God answered my prayers on that front!)  Another title I wanted to be was a Countess, an Italian Countess ( I <3 Italy!). I was serious about this career/lifestyle choice.  For years I hired my perfect entourage - I had court jesters, I had garbage collectors, ladies in waiting, chefs, event planner, preacher - pretty much everyone but the actual Italian Count. When I was in eighth grade we had to do research for our future career.  The guy who sat in front of me asked what I planned to be when I was a grown-up.  I said I already know but the research will be hard.  He asked me what I wanted to be.  Straight answer " A countess".  His reply "Is that like a female accountant?"  And I looked at him strangely (I now as adult realize that probably should play out the other way), but in the brief exchange I realized two things.  One) I simply had not shared my future intentions with enough people if this guy had no clue what I was talking about and Two) that not everyone saw this title as an average realistic option.   So I ended up researching my third dream title for this eighth grade research project - a Broadway stage actor.  I still haven't been to Italy (probably the best place to find an Italian Count - but I think my Louisiana Prince might get jealous :)  But I did go to school for Theatre as my major which became my minor the second time around.  I didn't make it to Broadway to perform but have performed (for money) in 5/50 states (MN, ND, MT, AK, and CA) and Canada.  So we'll call that a 1/2 title realized - 50%.  Not bad.

So you see I had what I thought were big dreams - big Suzy dreams.  But I fell in love at nineteen - not puppy love that starts off amazing and fizzles usually just as dramatic.  But to the core fell in head over heels full hearted completely committed true love.  I got married at twenty-two and became a Mrs. . .  in North Dakota.  I wouldn't change it for the world.  However, my thirteen year old version of myself saw a completely different picture - Italy was involved (which the full fantasy was to turn one of our Italian castles into an impressive internation theatre school), and my title wasn't Mrs. it would be Countess.  

And the mommy factor.  Whew!  Not that I was against having children.  It was always a future dream.  We even dreamt in our early thirties we would like to have kids.  Thats a great talk when you are twenty-four and married to a great partner.  When you're thirty and pregnant, that dream talk a little too real.  Which sounds after writing that line like we completely planned when we were having children - completely a God thing that shocked us out of the blue.  I have had a lot of friends who have had a variety of female issues and conception is difficult if not impossible (but a few of those impossibles have been PLEASANTLY BLESSED! Praise God!)  So, knowing this I figured God didn't burden my heart with desire because I honestly thought between my weight and other factors that I probably couldn't conceive at least without medical assistance.  I was terrified of the responsibility of being a mom.  As an aunt I figured I could only do minimal damage of anyone's psyche that could be repaired by their parents, selves, and God.  But complete responsibility for another human being I found that frightening to a degree I can' even verbalize.  My esteem like most areas of my life go extreme - I can do anything (like be an Italian Countess) or nothing right (which I kind of placed Mommyhood in that category for me). 

I love my son.  God granted (and my hubby helped) answer the deepest desire of my heart that I couldn't even vocalize.  I wept for days when I took my first pregnancy test (while pregnant) and it showed a negative.  I then hyperventilated when I took one three weeks later and there was a plus sign where I tried to tell my husband between hysterical tears that turned into hysterical laughter the news. In my defense, I had taken at least forty pregnancy tests in my lifetime and not once had there been a plus. Its a little surreal.  Then to really throw me off my A-game, my son was eleven weeks early.  If you know me I tend to run ten minutes late to everything and am a procrastinator to the hilt.  And my son arrives not just early - but super early!!! 

If I was to describe Suzy.  I would say she's funny, fun, playful, creative, and a bit loud.  But those words for Mrs. Mommy seem to be inappropriate.  So sometimes, I feel lost; because of this ideal image I have for Mrs. Mommy.  A woman who cares for her guys and takes care of them - perfectly.  I forget the title may change what some people call me, but not who I am.  I still am Suzy who just happens to be married to a great guy and the happiest little boy (seriously this kid giggles and smiles - ALL the time).  I try to be organized and early as Mrs. Mommy.  I try to cook, clean, and still look "relaxed".  But as I try to be Mrs. Mommy I lose a little bit of Suzy who is the one who received those titles. 

So what's in a name?  Appearance, effort, but it doesn't change the person - at least its not supposed to. So here I write as Suzy who also happens to be Mrs. Mommy.

May you earn the titles life bestows you, but never forget the person you were when you received them. 'Til we meet again. . .              

Restlessness

Restlessness

Nerves jumping,
Eyes twitching,
Tummy rumbling.

Want to scream!
Want to hide!
Want to run!

Shallow breathing
Rushed heartbeat
Jumbled nerves

Speaking quickly
Freaking out
Shutting down

And yet:
Holding on
Fighting through-
and hoping for a better tomorrow!

O' Honey Honey

Oh Honey no go on the mango!  Our fruit of the week was the Honey Mango.  I thought I liked the flavor mango.  However, I realized tonight I do not really enjoy a mango by itself.  When mango is mixed in with other flavors I enjoy its tangy factor.  But by itself I find the mango flavor a little sickening - a bit like an overripe peach.  It has an overt sweetness with a tanginess.  Not really sour, but even thinking about it makes me scrape my tongue against my teeth in attempts of ridding myself of the flavor. 

Our plan was to eat the mango raw mixed into a fruit salad of strawberries, cantaloupe, and possibly a banana - kind of a tropical fruit sensation.  We figured this would pair well with our spinach and bacon quiche, possible asparagus puffs, and then the fruit. However, plans changed.  We still had the quiche which was delicious!  No asparagus puffs because I ran out of time to try out a new recipe that required effort and/or time.  So we substituted roasted brussel sprouts - one of my favorites.  Probably my favorite new produce of the week find - they have such a wonderful nuttiness, with a bit of earthy quality and they are so cute!!! Little cabbages that roast so tastily!  Also our fruit salad went through a major upheaval.  The cantaloupe was too ripe.  It was a bit mushy in texture for a melon.  Then we didn't even think to cut up the banana and my husband after two bites of trying the mango said he was done.  I offered him my incredible mixture of small toasts covered with a thin layer of cream cheese, sliced strawberries, diced avocado, and mango chunks.  Together it was a pretty good combination.  Again it was the combination factor not the yumminess of mango.  I wouldn't say I will crave this creation a lot in the future.  I did find the visual attractive, especially if you are going for a traffic light theme (red yellow and green).  But most likely in the future I will leave the honey mango on the shelf.  I am proud of us stepping out of the comfort zone but not all of our choices get to be winners!  Sometimes they are just an experience that leaves us wiser.

May your HealthFULL Journey include lessons, experiences, and enjoyment.  May every day be an adventure to appreciate all that is around you and inspire the willingness to keep learning new things.
'Til we meet again. . .

Bloomin' GreenThumbs

They say you become what you eat.  Well Corey and I must be eating more green these days as our thumbs are turning a smidgen green.  Just a smidgen though.  As a couple we did something tonight we have never dared to try.  We planted flowers together. That's right people we planted flowers!  Why is this such a big deal?  In our eight years of marriage we have never even owned a house plant.  And we certainly have never planted anything together.  Yesterday afternoon after church we went to our neighborhood home improvement store.  And the place was packed!!! I remember when shops weren't open on Sunday and when they started to open businesses I remember my family parking at Menard's when we lived up North many moons ago and waiting there outside in the parking lot.  The doors were to open at noon and our family along with approximately twenty other cars waited for the noon hour to strike so that we could as a family peruse the aisles feeling like we were taking a nibble at the forbidden fruit.  Nowadays it seems strange when a company chooses to close their doors on Sunday.  I applaud that reasoning but I must confess I find myself more at the stores on Sunday than I like to think about.  Back to our shopping trip. Now as I mentioned - my hubby and I not the real planting kind of people.  Or at least haven't been for eight years.  But time to turn over a new leaf (pun totally intended :)  We found ourselves winding up and down the gardening aisles trying to make "practical" choices as we take our first turn at planting flowers.  I get distracted my funky designs and shiny colors.  Also a fun name to pronounce almost guarantees an impulsive buy which is why I bring my hubby who keeps me F-o-c-u-s-e-d!!! No we do not need two shovels(though we definitely needed one as many months ago I taugh a root a lesson and then it fought back destroying our one and only shovel :(  and a hoe and a tool I can't even pronounced.  No we don't need the thirty to forty dollar version of any tool.  I sometimes ask my hubby if he feels like he has two kids and totally straight-faced he usually replies with a sigh "sometimes".  This shopping experience was definitely one of those times as I demanded constant attention and our son has learned to sing aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh repeatedly and for long breaths!!!  That's my boy!  His highlight was when a great dane walked by him and sniffed his shoe and made Drew giggle.  Then in response to the giggle the dog lifted his head to be patted.  This dog was huge.  My son had no problem reaching LEVEL from his seat in the cart to pat the dog on the head.  So Drew's entertained and we decided on two bags of soil - six flowers (2 of each: petunias, marigolds, and pretty blue ones), two pairs of work gloves, and six tools (one starting kit of four tools).  We waited in anticipation to start the work today (monday).

As work wound down for the day I debated if I really wanted to plant the flowers.  My energy was waning and it wasn't a simple task of digging dirt, placing flowers and calling it a day.  We have lived in our house for almost five years and we have not weeded in our front yard at all!  There were a lot of weeds to attack and the weeds have the upper hand.  Because I still have no idea what I am doing.  As I stepped outside into the beautiful sunshine with the perfect temperature - warm with just a slight breeze - I knew I would be planting flowers when I got home.  And sure enough as I pull into my driveway there is a pretty cute gardener already attacking those nasty weeds.  I change into yard clothes (as if I know what qualifies here) and begin pulling weeds.  Wow there is some satisfaction of pulling out the unfriendly weeds to make room for the beautiful flowers purposefully chosen.  Also and though I am aware of this fact I am up close and personally aware now.  Bugs are living in our dirt.  I am not a fan of most bugs,  actually I am a downright scaredy cat when it comes to bugs but I persevered.  As we began to spread our soil we realize two bags is not going to get this small job done at all.  So dressed as gardeners or our interpretation of gardeners we head back to the home improvement store and pick up four more bags of soil and two more plants. 

The sun is beginning to set as we race back home.  But my hubby won't let a little darkness slow down our couple bonding project.  We spread out our soil.  Have you ever seen those meditation gifts designed for desks - a little sand yard to rake as a way to promote peace and tranquility.  The life-size version just as relaxing as I dragged the rake through the soil around the tree.  Oh goody time for the best part - digging holes and placing the plants to create a beautiful front yard.  This activity is not nearly as easy as it looks.  First, you have to dig the right size hole - too big your plants get drowned by dirt.  If the hole is too small the plants sit funny and won't be able to take root properly which means it won't bloom properly.  Also the plants don't just pop out of their containers but have to be wrestled out of their container and nearly mangled to finally be re-planted.  As the eight o'clock hour struck we were ready to finally call it an evening; with eight beautiful flowers newly planted in our front yard. 

Already we are reaping the benefits.  One we got to enjoy each other's company and laugh at trying something new together.  Nothing can help form a bond or tighten a bond as approaching a new activity together.  Two our neighbors seemed appreciative of our effort.  We definitely didn't knock a grand slam on our first planting but our neighbors complimented, waved, and smiled their approval.  We secretly think that our neighbors are just glad we removed the five years worth of weeds - at least that are visible in the front yard :)  And the final quick reward is that I can't wait to return home tomorrow and not cringe at our weeds but to smile at our flowers.

May your HealthFULL Journey plant happiness all around you and come into bloom just when you need it. ' Til we meet again. . .

Momentous Momentum Take Two

Have you ever built a snowman?  I grew up in northern Minnesota so I have made a few in my time (and snow forts - I love snow forts:).  But the trick to  a good snow man - it takes a bit of time to get started.  To build the base of the snowman takes patience and time.  You have to pack the snow a little bit at a time and keep adding to it.  Once you get a ball started -just under the size of a bowling ball you can start rolling it around on the ground and it quickly builds itself.  Two things begin to happen - one the ball kind of controls the direction it will and can move.  Two - once you truly get rolling you will probably need an extra or a few extra hands to keep the momentum. 

I bring the art of making a snow man because it has taken many attempts and a long time to feel in control of my health.  It feels awesome right now in my life to feel as my life is bringing me to healthier choices and quickly adding them to my lifestyle.  When I wrote this blog yesterday I said it felt like we had time and energy to spare.  As my son napped I finished my blog entry, then called up my mom to meet for a later lunch.  Before lunch I did a couple of quick chores (a load and half of laundry) and walked my son and my dog.  This alone is an impossible feat that has scared me off several times.  I am sure I have mentioned that my dog - LOVES walks.  Well I can't take her and leave my son at home - neighbors and the police would definitely frown about that choice.  And to walk just my son seems horribly cruel to my dog - who loves to go for walks.  We go for walks as a family.  Never have I attempted the dog (who just gets too excited) and my son in his stroller.  But on Saturday my snow ball was on the upswing and gaining energy/momentum quickly!  So I did the impossible I took them both for a walk.  My dog eyed my every move as I unfolded the stroller and locked up Drew's harness.  Belle (my dog) hung her head and stepped back as I put on my tennis shoes.  But went crazy with excitement as I tied a plastic bag around my wrist in case she had some doggy business to handle on the walk.  She jumped, she ran, she sang her delight as only a dog can do.  If she could have clapped - I am positive she would have , but we'll have to settle for the wagging tail.  In one hand I let her out our front door as she darted for the street to start her sniffing duties for the best smells of our neighborhood.  Which left me straddling my entry way as I pulled my son with my left hand.  As she continues her puppy dance of delight and I try to maneuver Drew's stroller with only one hand over the door bump and the front stoop step - I begin to mutter.  I think to myself I am ready already to turn right back around and call this a failed attempt.  But I just couldn't break my dog's heart.  So I worked it out and we began our walk.  Ten steps into the walk I am thinking - this is such a breeze.  Step fifteen I can't imagine why I haven't done this sooner.  Step seventeen I realized why I had never thought this activity as a good option.  My dog oblivious to my needs and her limitations walked around a bush.  I tried the old arm trick of stretching as far as possible to pull the leash away from the bush around and up and over the obstacle.  Nope - Belle had tightened her leash grip making it impossible to pull the leash away from the bush.  I then call her over to us and trying to coax her to follow her leash BACK AROUND the bush.  She did not oblige.  Not that she didn't want to please me but did not understand how to do so.  I called her name she came right to me completing the circle around the bush.  Finally, I pulled Drew unto the lawn and followed her around the stupid bush.  But this little incident helped awaken my senses and I was able to divert her away from wrapping herself into any more trappings.  We finished our walk and continued our fun for meeting my mom for lunch.  Upon my hubby's return from work I suggested another family walk. (My dog must have believed that she was one step closer to heaven as she never gets TWO walks in a day.  By completing two walks and trying to keep busy it was a lot easier to step up my game into 12,000 + steps once again.. It had been a long time coming.

But that really is the moral of the story.  By placing plans into your schedule it encourages only more fun, energy, and opportunities into your life.  But your Health FULL Journey sets its own pace.  As you gather momentum and speed take time out to be appreciative because you never know which path will lead you and where. 

May your HealthFULL Journey be full of teamwork end energy to spare. "til We meet again. . .

Momentus Momentum

Oh life how you mock me!  Drew woke up at the glorious time of quarter to seven.   Sunshine why do you appear so early and then play a peek a boo all day long?!?!?  As his babbling increased I began my typical morning race. Pit stop in the restroom for mommy.  Stumble to the outside door and trip over the racing cat to let out the dog.  (I know its an early morning when the dog stays sleeping in the bed.)  I grab some treats for our cat.  Change out the dog's water and give her food. Pour my son his milk.  Towel off the dog.  And then race to my son's room as he began to dramatically increase the volume and pace of his babble.  I have seven minutes.  What doesn't get done within those seven minutes immediately loses priority and enters Toddler time - where time revolves around the toddler's needs, wants, approval and satisfaction level.  I enter his room and we begin our morning exchange of conversation.  As he changes into his new diaper we began to discuss what should we do today?  And then like a ton of bricks I remember.  We already have plans today!  Oh me! Oh my!  Adrenaline surge and I have to quickly take a deep breath and grasp reality by running through the facts about our plans.  Okay what time is it? Just before seven - good.  What time does the breakfast start?  8:30 - I think?  or was it 8?  8 would not be good - 8:30 is doable.  Shout to hubby I need the car you'll have to take the truck.  Switch out keys.  And sweetly but also rudely tell hubby to hurry up in the shower.  So that I too can get ready: as this mommy did not have immediate plans to leave her comfy jammies.  But plans were made and now it is time to jump into gear.  I grab my happy toddler in his pjs and get him dressed after he picks the one shirt I couldn't immediately find pants to match.  I even questioned his choice : Are you sure this is the shirt you want to wear?  He looks at me with arched brow "Yeah" .  But the whole demeanor was definitely -why would I pick it if I didn't want it?  Its like he knows we have a deadline and the other shirts had easy to reach pants.  My fault - if I give him the choice I need to follow-through.  I rip through piles of clothes find the pants - YAY small victory.  
I sit him in his high chair for a small breakfast.  We were going to a mommy and me breakfast but you know with toddlers - hungry now, and not sure what kind of day we are having taste wise nor what our options would be.  Plus as we did a quick daddy/mommy transition of caretaker the boy was safely contained.  Then back to mommy duty as we kiss daddy good-bye. 

We made it to the breakfast on time with a little adrenaline to spare.  Does that happen to you?  You start your day in one state of mind and in the blink of the eye it goes a completely different direction.  I thought we were starting an early lazy day and God reminded me that we actually had some place to be.

I think that is the moral of the story.  It is tempting to be lazy and lounge and move at what is comfortable.  Comfortable is comfortable but to move or to grow one needs momentum.  How do we encourage momentum in our own lives?

Lists - simply writing something down makes the goal more tangible than letting it surf brain waves and getting lost in the web of your many thoughts.

Appointments - we are more likely to go somewhere if we mark our calendars. I know many people if it doesn't get in the calendar - time and life will steamroll right over the event. 

Verbalize Commitment - this is one step past jotting on your calendar.  You are telling someone I'll be there.  You are asking for accountability from yourself and the person expecting you.

Because of this simple activity.  My son and I had a great breakfast, time to socialize with peers (both of us - which is a huge WIN/WIN!) enjoyed the sunshine, had a quick nap as he wore himself out and now it is only noon and we both are itching to have some more fun!  Momentum helps us to truly activate our own life.  No longer am I sitting on the couch just hoping for a better life - I am actively living that better life I used to dream about.

May your HealthFULL Journey catch you by surprise and push you forward with momentum that blesses you FULLy.  'Til we meet again. . .

Let's Use our Feet

Let's use our feet is an expression a dear friend of mine would ask when she wanted to go for a walk.  On these walks we would share our daily lives, our dreams, our fears, and sometimes just the silence of walking with a friend.  They are some of my sweetest memories.  But why didn't she ask if I just wanted to go for a walk?  She had a very smart dog who L-O-V-E-D walks!  If we used the W word - the dog had to go.  This was a dog with short legs and couldn't walk as long as we used to enjoy.  Our penance would to be to walk with the dog around the block a couple of time or 1/2 mile and then we could go on our real "walk".  Then the dog caught the spelling version W-A-L-K also meant pure bliss and that is how the Let's Use Our Feet became our secret code :) 

Well I write this entry today because I want to use my feet.  There are two causes in April that are both very near and dear to my heart.  On April 14, 2012 I plan to walk a "FUN 5k" in support of Strides for Autism in honor of a sweet little princess named Madison :)  I have worked in the past with peoples of disabilities.  It is a career I miss very much as it was some of the most rewarding work (if you can call it that as there was much fun to be had and many memories that still make me smile) I've had the privilege to do.  Autism used to be diagnosed in extremely rare situations and has endured some horrible falsehoods.  One being that people diagnosed with autism were autistic due to refrigerator mom syndrome.  Basically that their mothers did not show them enough love.  What a horrible thing to believe and many people did for way too long of time.  Much research is being done (and needs to be done) because the prevalence is very real: 1 in 110 U.S. children with boys outnumbering the girls four to one.  (I don't have an article to support this fact as it is the most common stat I have read in at least ten articles/books within the last three years).  Good chances you know someone or a family that includes a person with autism.  I include family because this is a disability that doesn't change one person's life but all of those who support that person.  Communication, behavior, and health can all be altered due to autism.  This a disorder with a large umbrella of all those it affects and how it affects each individual.  There is not a one size fits all solution.  But as more research is done, more people can be helped, supported, and encouraged to live the best version of themselves.  If you would like to support this charity please donate funds at https://scautism.org/strides/team/3/ for Team Madison!

The other charity I plan to Use my Feet is for the March of Dimes when we will March for Babies April 28,2012.  I live in South Carolina and our statistic according to March of Dimes research is that one in seven babies are born premature.  There is a reason a pregnancy is meant to take forty weeks and what develops the most in the last couple months of pregnancy- lungs and brains.  Those are two very important organs; they help us breathe and they help us think.  I started writing this blog as a reaction to take my health more seriously when my niece Lilli was born at only 24 1/2 weeks at the weight of one pound six ounces and twelve inches long.  She could wear my brother's wedding band up to her shoulder!  She is doing amazing!  But thanks to research and support she is alive and can see.  She faced a very real risk of going blind, but because of research - doctors were diligent in their observations and knew what warning signs to watch.

Almost a year after our niece's birth, my husband and I received news that we were to be parents.  Our joy grew but I have to admit there was always a gray cloud hanging in the back of my thoughts. I feared my son being born prematurely.  I witnessed a miracle and the wonders God can do. But I also witnessed and felt the rides of a frightening roller coaster ride that involves a NICU stay.  When I hit my twenty-fifth week of pregnancy I rejoiced, but not for too long as my body started to show signs of distress a couple of weeks later.  I was put on bedrest and four days later was admitted to the hospital.  I was given steroids in hopes of speeding up my son's development.  Every night I prepared myself for the possibility of my son's birth physically (no food or liquid after midnight) and emtionally (prayers of the healthiest timing) and every morning I was wheeled to an ultra-sound where tests were ran on both my son and myself.  It was deemed on my ninth day in the hospital that the safest alternative for Drew and me was to deliver.  I was only at 29 weeks.  My son was born at three pounds and eleven ounces and seventeen 1/2 inches long.  That is just a tish longer than a legal size piece of paper and lighter than most roasts.  My son was placed in the NICU for forty-four days.  I am grateful for the research that has been done on prematurity, the staff who cared for and about our son, and the prayers that lifted up our entire family.  Not everyone has the success story that we experienced twice in our family.  Every family should have the moment of welcoming home their own miracle.  Please help me support the efforts of March of Dimes.  My team page is http://www.marchforbabies.org/team/t1731408 where you can see a couple of our miracles and donate to our family team : Early Bugs.  Or you can also donate online at www.marchforbabies.org/SuzySullivan . 

Your funds are most appreciated for either or both charities - that is why I am Using my Feet in hopes of raising money for these two organizations.  But there are other ways to show support; Prayers are always needed and appreciated, encouragement is nice, and advertising these web addresses through e-mail, facebook, twitter, or your own blog/website is beyond helpful :) 

Thank you for your time, your assistance, and your support.

May your HealthFULL Journey motivate you to use your whole self. 'Til we meet again. . .

A little Pep in your step!

On our family day (Sunday) we hit Whole Foods.  It really is one of my happy places - which may be sad but it is very true.  And I have confessed that my favorite place to stand in this grocery store is right in front of the peppers.  Usually it is just visually appealing with all of these bright NATURAL colors blending and mixing.  The sight alone puts a little pep in my step.  Also they tend to have eggplants and summer squashes nearby mixing in those luscious purples and bright yellows and greens.  Eat your heart out Da Vinci :)  Well as a family we visited this section to pick out this week's produce.  I tend to like sweeter flavors, but my husband likes spicy!  And before I met my hubby I thought I liked spicy - I like a dash of cayenne and mild salsa spicy.  My hubby is the guy who orders nuclear wings off of a menu to just "try" them and see if they really are hot.  I now realize I don't really like "Spicy"  I like spices not heat that leaves your mouth numb and tears streaming down your face.  That is not enjoyable in my opinion.  Together we chose the Fresno Pepper.

It's cute.  It's small - it appears friendly , but it is not!  The Fresno Peppers we picked up were bright red in color like a red bell pepper.  I enjoy red bell pepper - raw, sauteed, broiled, in salads, with a little dip. I enjoy this type of pepper - crisp, with a little kick (very little)  and some sweetness.  I thought the Fresno Chili Pepper would be similar.  It is not!  It appears to be cousins with a jalapeno at least shape and size-wise.  I enjoy the occasional jalapeno pepper (especially if you make it a jalapeno popper :)  But that isn't a very healthy version of this produce.  My husband starts chopping up the fresno as we planned to use it in a dish we make called chili rice which goes nicely with our turkey taco dinner. 

As he is chopping I grab a SLIVER to try the pepper raw.  Now this sliver comes from the top of the pepper where the seeds hang out.  Now it probably wouldn't have seemed so spicy had I not prepared myself mentally for the sweetness of a bell pepper.  I would say my taste of a fresno is at least double if not triple the heat of a jalapeno.  And that one bite made my lips tingly.  For a good ten minutes I could tell exactly where I licked my lips after trying this chili pepper.  I was nervous to try this pepper in the rice.  But as we approached dinner I scooped up the chili rice (the red specks were prettier than our usual yellow green specks) and hoped for the best.  Chopped up and cooked I could barely register the chili's heat.  Occasionally a bite or two of the rice would end with a satisfying tingle of heat but a vast improvement of trying the Fresno Chili Pepper raw.  If you like the spicy and want a vitamin C boost to give you a little Pep in your step give the Fresno a try.  And I have no problem picking this chili up for future recipes.  But for raw snacking I am sticking with my bell peppers :)

May your HealthFULL journey surprise you, delight you, and give you a little pep in your step! 'Til we meet again. . .