Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit,
who is in you, whom you have received from God?
You are not your own; you were bought a price.
Therefore honor God with your body. -- 1 Corinthians 6:19-20
Can I be honest? This piece of scripture haunts me. I have confessed there have been many binges and some more recent than I want to remember let alone admit. We joke about my downfalls in our home. The foods that call my name at all hours when in the house and have a direct line to my Sal the Snacker (Chips (no self-control!!! nada - zilch!), Ice Cream (some control but little) and Pop has a hold I can't even describe!) I ban them I invite them I kick these foods out of the house again and there is that one moment of weakness and they move in their brother's wife's cousin's dog's best friend and everyone down the line. I crave, I rationalize, I promise, I threaten, I ignore, and then I break down. This can be agonizing. And then I giggle when someone mentions I forgot to eat today - don't you hate that? I nod and chuckle as if I am "in" on the joke but I'm giggling because I cannot fathom a day in this world where I would forget a snack let alone a day worth of meals! I eat out of nervousness I am not 100% sure if that counts as emotional eating. Because my anxiety can turn any moment into a nervous activity which then gives me permission to chow down. Today a tongue in cheek confession was made to my husband as we joked about my temptations. I will eat versions of those items that I don't even like because of what they say to me. I remember drinking the world's grossest soda - It was blue and the name was something like blue mountain soda sparkling blue this was 10+ years ago. It tasted like foaming carbonated paint thinner or some other household cleaner - rough stuff. I believe I finished half a can and that is the only pop in this world I have not finished. I used to find some diet sodas that tasted like soap but did I buy them more than once. Why yes I did! That has to say something - and probably not the nicest or wisest comment.
So what does this have to do with workin' up a sweat? Well I recently stopped by the library for rejuvenation into the work-out world. I started off strong this month promising myself I would do at least thirty minutes of dedicated on purpose working out so that anything extra was just bonus points. I have dragged out the Wii that passively agressively reminded me that I have not visited in 253 days. Why thank you Wii for noticing my absence - missed you too! And then had the audacity to say I've gained 19 pounds in that time. I guess the Wii Fit did not want me to visit again for another 253 days! I have bonded again with the Walking DVD where my son believes he is meant to serve as my arm weight as he giggles along with the super peppy coach on the television screen. Well that gung-ho attitude lasted a whole five days. Then a couple more passed and I said "Suzy we have to make this work! The weight has to go and more importantly that blood sugar needs to get under control!!!" I know in the logical world that exercise greatly impacts my blood sugar but when I am being pulled by Sal the Snacker and called by the cravings I leave logic blocked in a corner screaming for help! Not that logic needs my help but it knows how much I need IT! And Logic wants to desperately help me in those desperate moments!
So I tried to be pro-active and grabbed two DVDs from the library my free resource to dabble in movement. One is a bellydance DVD which cracks me up (because at my size the belly dances pretty much all the time on its own its just not quite in the manner people find attractive ;) and a God inspired Sweating in the Spirit where we pull out the Hymns and the Gospel singers to motivate our movement. The "coach" or "teacher" quoted the above line quite often in the DVD. Every time she said that scripture verse or the mantra " your body is your temple" - I winced. Which is what we do when we view an action as dangerous or painful. This wasn't her intention I'm sure. She meant to be encouraging. She was smiling and throwing up her arms in Glory to God. And I was trying to sink into the floor away from God's gaze.
Hmmmm....That kind of reaction deserves a ponder. I say I want to beautify and strengthen my body, my temple in honor of God. As a sign of respect! That kind of thinking leads to work-outs which leads to so many wonderful options. An instant gift is my son's reaction. He is his Mommy's biggest cheerleader. Certain DVD's cause him to giggle and copy mine and the television's instructor's movements. Sometimes he finds it so delightful and entangles himself around me like a jungle gym when I do "fun" poses. Such as straddling my legs or arching my back or creating a downward dog sort of pose that he can climb through and interact with me. I love that! I love when he discovers a new move or a new opportunity to see life from a new perspective. These are the good moments when I am on my 'A' game and doing good. But then I lose my hold on that scripture of empowerment and it becomes a blaming loud alarm as I stuff my face with bowl after bowl of potato chips. The only growth besides my stomach is that chips at least last two days and not just one :(
Oooh If only I could hold unto the power of that verse. That positive encouragement and reminder that fuels me to making good choices worth building up. Instead of me sweeping it into dark corners as I run away distracted, confused, and blindly numbing myself with foods that clog and slow my journey instead of fueling me into the next stretch of positive growth. Hmmmmmmm....
Day by day, moment by moment I trudge.
Jesus looked at them and said, "with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." --Matthew 19:26
God reach down and help me own the above scripture. That my body is a temple to serve you to honor you and to always bring glory in your name. I constantly fail in this area. I turn away from the responsibility. I hide my head in guilt and shame to avoid the pain this verse reminds of my failure. I struggle God because I struggle never because my love for you falters. Help me to remember to love what you gave me for life, my body and to treat it with respect. Amen!
May your HealthFULL journey hold up a mirror to remind you of the areas where you are strong and where you have grown and a loving reminder of what still could use improvement. Remember God loves you always where you are - God doesn't wait for you to lose ten pounds or until you can run a marathon. God loves you right here, right now, and is waiting to hear your heart's desire and to witness ALL of your choices - the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful ;) 'Til we meet again. . .
No comments:
Post a Comment