Turn the Page

        You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.  You annoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.  Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. - Psalm 23: 5-6

 

Ahh!  Turn the page - its such an exciting moment for readers.  What turn will the story take?  Are the words leading to something exciting or is it time to take a step back and learn more information?  Is the journey expected? Anticipated? Or thrilling with twists and turns?  And the ending what will I feel when the ending happens?  Some are satisfying - some are plain upsetting and my favorite stories are the one that leave you mesmerized.  These can be biographies or self help or novels and yes...the Bible.  I don't know of anyone who picks up the Bible one day starts at Genesis works through the Old Testament into the New Testament and finishes with Revelation all in one day.  It is actually uncommon for many people to do that with a year.  We like to pick through our favorite books, our familiar passages, and mentally nibble on these scriptures as we contemplate life, ponder our purpose, and wonder about our wandering. 

 

 

The above picture is my actual Bible.  I have other versions and copies of the Bible.  But the actual book pictured?  It's my favorite.  Its stolen - don't worry the first owner has knowledge of this theft and has even given his blessing of its home now being with me (even if it is begrudgingly ;)  I can't tell you all the places this book has traveled but it has seen most of the U.S. from Florida to Alaska and much in-between.  But what would be even more challenging to tell you is - where I've traveled with this HealthFULL Journey. 

 

Some of the days I turn the pages of this book my life dramatically shifts.  Somedays it is my mood - I may come to these verses: lost, confused, bitter, depressed, thrilled,but I walk away confident, encouraged, with purpose, grateful, energized, or somber.  Some readings have led to dramatic results - applying for new jobs, accepting volunteer opportunities, facing school yet again.

 

Yep -That is my new page.  I was reading the 23rd Psalm for a bible study to finish off the week.  Here this Psalm that many of us are familiar and yet this reading had a profound impact as if I was reading it for the first time.  This assignment came right after I received my letter of invitation to seminary to study for my Master of Divinity. I am excited, apprehensive, confident, overwhelmed, and yet when I read these verses - peace from the Holy Spirit just wrapped their arms of comfort and held me.  This book is more than words on a page - it is a Living Breathing Word of today. 

 

I remember one of my first classes from college that opened with two students pairing up and answering a couple of questions.  The first question we were to ask of each other is "What is the Bible?"  I was extremely confident that college would be a breeze as I obviously "knew" the right answer to this question.  I smiled proudly and said "The Bible is the Word of God." Ready to take my bow in delight.  My partner responded something along the lines of  "A book of myths that Christians see as history and use as a manual in their faith".  *Eyebrows raised*  What?!?!? That is not what My Church teaches!  I was ready to raise my hand and tell the professor that my partner was sadly mistaken.  But I realized then that I had a lot to learn in life.  So I did not tattle and began to wrestle with that choice.

 

13 years later I have to confess I still think my answer was the right answer ;)   I just have a lot more reasons to back it up besides my church saying so.  I have that experience of studying, wrestling, reading, pondering, and even the pleasure of just listening to these verses.   Do I know all there is to know about the Bible.  Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!  So everyday I pick it up and Turn the page. . .oh what exciting places we'll go. 

 

May your HealthFULL Journey lead you to places and experiences you couldn't imagine in the past, but appreciate for the future journey, and couldn't even fathom living without them in today's path. May each turn of the page encourage a journey that leaves you Feeling Unbelievable & Loving Life. 'Til we meet again. . .

Spreading the good news

Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others,

 faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. --- 1 Peter 4:10 NIV

My son has a joyful spirit.  He bumps his head and giggles.  He shrieks with delight when others laugh and play along.  And he smiles ....a LOT!  I wish I could take credit but this is his gift.  He loves life....he embraces the moment and without a word challenges you to laugh at the world too.  Drew teaches us to smile at what "now" can bring not what was or what will be but what right now can bring.  He does faces - he's learning to roll his eyes, muster a serious gaze, and show distress but still has a glint in the eye and tilt of the head to share a giggle after he is understood. He makes me want to do better.  To not miss an opportunity to graciously accept the blessings of today but to also seek those moments where I can share my gifts and hopefully add to the glory of God's kingdom. 

For three years I have been sharing on this blog my goal to get healthy. I started writing this in anticipation of the physical pounds just melting off my body.  Sure, I would write that its a journey and a process.  But in my hopes of hopes I thought within a year I would be sitting in my chair typing as my skinny version.  I did not know at that time that the weight I had been carrying wasn't all physical.  I toppled the scale with pounds of hurt, anger, resentment, grudges, disappointments, regrets, and worries - tons and tons of worries that not only piled on the pounds but bound them to my frame.  I had much work to complete, many life experiences to endure, and tons of challenges to conquer.  Many blessings have found our home and covered us in comforts, love, and much hope. Every area of my life has been touched, stretched, and improved in unmeasurable proportions.  But yet the weight remains an ugly picture to such a beautiful journey. 

So this weekend my hubby and I had one of those sincere heart to heart conversations where all the layers of politeness and untruths are left unraveled on the ground leaving only the purest, most sincere answers of honesty remained.  He dug and coached and pulled what I really hoped to accomplish this year.  And after many ----MANY resumes being sent to find that perfect job to replace the nanny job of mine with only five more days  left to work an e-mail requesting an interview found my inbox.  As of today I am re-employed with no days to celebrate my farewell to a summer I will always treasure as I embrace my new role as an afterschool counselor.  The best benefit besides the children I will meet and the work that will challenge me and allow me to share my gifts of education, entertainment, and encouragement I get a free gym membership. Not only do I get to share my faith but I get to be held accountable for my true goal of embracing my physical health.  It's time to get fit and trim.  God will use my strengths but even more impressive is that He will also build up my weakness.  One of my favorite verses is John 3:3 "He must become greater; I must become less."  It can be easy and its always fun to share our gifts and our strengths.  But sometimes the best thing we can do to prove God's awesome power is by showing our weakness and offering it to allow God the chance to display His greatness - for He is the Almighty.    

It was a special weekend for our family and I am blessed to have two amazing guys.  One to teach me the joys of life and one to challenge me to the purest desires of my heart so that I can be the best possible version of myself. 

May your HealthFULL Journey make you Feel Unbelievable & Love Life as you find joy in the here and now by being honest with yourself and sharing the gifts that only you can deliver. 'Til we meet again. . . 

It sure Ain't Easy, but it Sure is a lot of F-U-N!

Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine,

  according to His power that is at work within us, - Ephesians 3:20 NIV




What I Imagined. . .

What is. . .

I know why we aren't allowed to foresee our lives because we wouldn't take the necessary steps to move forward.  Are you familiar with The Dance by Garth Brooks?  The whole song is about how isn't it great life is left up to chance and choices and surprises then us handpicking our stories.  Why - because if we knew the endings we wouldn't take the beginning steps.  And without that first step because of fear of the ending we would miss too many stories, too many opportunities, too many lessons, and too many precious memories.  We are conditioned to avoid pain.  Do you believe me?  Think of the next time you have to endure something painful - handling paper after paper cut, a shot/vaccine, washing out a wound, touching something hot. How do we respond -  we flinch, we pull away, we hesitate - we react in ways that show caution and hopefully steps that will help us avoid further pain. 

Today was a rough day.  I have decided that torture is trying to put two babies to sleep simultaneously.  Parents of twins - I salute you!  Granted I took a misstep that I will avoid to lessen my chances of repeating this painful scenario.  I forgot my son's stuffed Lion.  It happens, right?  My husband and I are fortunate parents we have a pretty easy-going sweet child (so much more his daddy's son - I just benefit :)  Oh holy Toledo Batman!  This child went ballistic, hysterical, and drove me to tears.  For 46 minutes out of fifty - he screamed, he cried, he pitched the tantrum of tantrums today.  He is twenty months old and obviously does not believe he is capable of a nap without his best buddy!  What was even worse? The three year old was actually trying to "nap".  Usually her and I go toe to toe, but not today!  Today I was locked in the battle of wills - would a nap commence.  I sang, I rocked, I cuddled, I tightened hug, I cooed, I whispered, I giggled, I paced, and my son SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEAMED in my ear, near the quiet three year old.  I finally walked through the house as the other kids were on lock-down while we tried to create a peaceful, quiet, almost serene naptime area for the two youngest.  Sadly, the toddlers missed the memo.  Not one but two children asked why aren't the two youngest asleep yet.  Great question!  And I not had a obnoxious piercing scream destroying my hearing abilities I believe I could have answered more wisely or at least more patiently.  However I sputtered out with dripping sarcasm, "I Don't Know!"  Losing my mind!!!  We returned to the recliner to once again commence naptime.  The tantrum began, the screaming escalated into short breaths of hyperventilation and mutterings of a desperate prayer - breathing deepened, limbs relaxed, and utter exhaustion took hold of both children. 

It would be easy to run my victory lap - I did it - both toddlers are resting at the same time!!! Amazing right?  But it was God's abilities and my willingness to concede defeat.  In our weakness God shows His Glory.  I like to be the best.  I like to attain almost perfect scores and everything to be precise and if I am going to accomplish something I want to knock out a homerun the first time at bat.  Can we all hit a Hole-In-One?  Absolutely!  Can we do it our first time swinging the golf club? Doubtful, but possible.  Will we accomplish this goal every time we tee-off?  Nope.  Should we stop golfing altogether?  Not really. . .We miss those chances to be great because we don't want to risk the ending of failing of hitting rock-bottom. 

I worked for a good company before becoming a nanny.  They were beyond generous and supportive through my schooling, working a second job, and my pregnancy and the challenging beginning days of my son.  But I stayed too long at the office job that I was qualified to do but not passionate to improve.  It wasn't my calling and I knew that far before I handed in my resignation.  But it was comfortable and as I said a great place to work.  They took care of me.  But I began to suffocate and I leapt at the chance to be nanny.  Let me get this straight you want me to hang out and play games with five awesome kids where I can also bring my son to play.  Uhhh Yes please!  I imagined weekly trips to the library, daily adventures through our imagination, never skipping a devotion as we clamored together to share in God's Word.  Ummmm well we have done some of that.  I thought there would be lots of giggles and smiles and fun.  We sometimes laugh and have fun but there is a lot of the backstory I quickly edited from my plans - the bickering, the tantrums, the sulking, the pouting, the fights, the name-calling, the anger, the sadness, the - well you get the point.  It is downright taxing.  And its easy to get caught up in the frustrations - they tend to spurn each other. 

But then whats even better than my imagined version of gumdrops, lolli-pops and oozing sweet pictures of working with children bliss are those quiet moments.  The moment where my son curls into the lap of his oldest cousin.  The squeals of delight from their youngest as their middle child chases her with enthusiasm.  As the whole group deliberates and discusses the most strategic puzzle placement.  The boys reaching a peace treaty to play fairly. 

I wouldn't trade it.  Oh don't get me wrong if you had flashed the emotions and the daily energy withdrawals required by this job I would probably run for the hills.  But for every frustration, every drop of sweat, and every tear shed - I have at least five smiles and giggles upon giggles of what I've learned, witnessed, and been blessed by.  And this is all possible - because I admitted to God - though I was okay at the office job I was weak in passion.  He answered my prayer with a powerful response that maxed out my passion, my energy, and my talents and all he required a step of faith.  Its okay to take that first step without knowing the last - actually its better than okay its what we are supposed to do.  We are tempted to wait for those "perfect" moments but then we get caught waiting as precious blessings float right by.  Be encouraged!  A step of faith may not guarantee perfection but it sure is a lot of F-U-N!

May your HealthFULL Journey be adventurous, full of Faith, and surrounded by F-U-N. 'Til we meet again . . .    



A Step of Faith

Peter answered him, "Lord if it is you, command me to come to you on the water."

He said, "Come." So Peter got out of the boat,

started walking on the water, and came toward Jesus. --Matthew 14:28-29

When we have faith and by the power of God we too can walk on water.



The world can be scary and anxiety ridden.  If you watch the news on tv or read headlines you can spot how the world wants to shock us and sometimes downright frighten us.  But even when we are exposed daily to criminal statistics and the declining numbers of the economy we sometimes have to dig deep and hang tight to our faith and share our joy.  I work for a good company who has treated me well and supported me in ways I couldn't even imagine.  This was the perfect job for me when I started as I needed a quiet place to heal.  I had collected hurts and wore grief like a sweater.  I needed a job with enough responsibility to keep me focused and busy and protected from too many demands that could and would hinder the healing process.  However,  I have felt the stirring that this job is not my final calling.  And again I cannot stress how great many of my co-workers have been over the years. 

God gives us each gifts.  Gifts that will bring us joy as they fulfill the desires of our hearts that he planted when we were first created.  He allows us the opportunity to serve Him and glorify him with our talents.  I now feel it is time to develop other talents of mine before they get snuffed out.  Its scary though to leave the comforts of a company that I have known for six years.  It is especially frightening to leave a job of any type especially one with some nice benefits and enough money to help with those monthly bills when so many people are looking.  Logically, this is the time to hunker down until the unemployed storm passes.  But faith isn't about being comfortable. Because  stepping out in faith rarely includes a safety net.  And having faith and being logical aren't always synonymous. 

So, today I took a step of faith - I turned in my resignation letter.  There is one part of me that wants to cling to the boat - its safe, its comfortable, and most invitingly; its familiar.  But the major part of me is so excited to see what is happening outside this boat and to feel the water under my feet if it be God's will to grant me the chance to walk on water.  I have a summer job lined up as I will spend the majority of my summer with the most fabulous kids in the world.  In my heart I feel this will be a summer I treasure forever as I get the opportunity to view the world from six children's eyes - ages ranging from nineteen months to thirteen years old. 

Another gift I look forward to living - I get to live as one of my daydream figures.  I always thought I could make a pretty great nanny.  Here's my chance to not just imagine this thought; but to actually live the dream.  The saying goes - Our regrets are not the mistakes we make in life but the chances we never take.

You may be wondering where is the step of faith?  You already have a job.  And not only a job but a dream job that you have waited to try for years.  The faith is that I know I am giving up my "comfy" seat at an office that I have been a part of for the past six years to enjoy nine weeks of the summer dream.  Because then school starts and the job disappears.  I know a lot can happen in almost three months.  I know that it is silly to worry that far in the future.  But I also know there are realists who are screaming stay put because nine weeks goes too fast and there are people who have been seeking jobs for two years. 

But with peace in my heart and joy bubbling from within I am stepping out of the boat because I feel with every fiber in my body Jesus called and said "Come".  So I step.  Walk with me and if you have time I could use an extra prayer or two.  A prayer to stay faithful because "worry" likes to nibble at the toes.  A prayer to stay present so that I can remain patient, involved, and be blessed as six children share their excitement and frustrations.  And last a prayer for God's will when fall comes and that whatever the next step of faith is that I once again can clearly hear "Come" (a smooth transition would be a great bonus :) .

May your HealthFULL Journey reveal those precious opportunities where a step of faith may be nerve-racking but so exhilarating.  'Til we meet again. . .