Workin' up a Sweat

 

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit,

who is in you, whom you have received from God? 

You are not your own; you were bought a price. 

Therefore honor God with your body. -- 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

 

 

Can I be honest?  This piece of scripture haunts me.  I have confessed there have been many binges and some more recent than I want to remember let alone admit.  We joke about my downfalls in our home.  The foods that call my name at all hours when in the house and have a direct line to my Sal the Snacker (Chips (no self-control!!! nada - zilch!), Ice Cream (some control but little) and Pop has a hold I can't even describe!) I ban them I invite them I kick these foods out of the house again and there is that one moment of weakness and they move in their brother's wife's cousin's dog's best friend and everyone down the line.  I crave, I rationalize, I promise, I threaten, I ignore, and then I break down.  This can be agonizing.  And then I giggle when someone mentions I forgot to eat today - don't you hate that?  I nod and chuckle as if I am "in" on the joke but I'm giggling because I cannot fathom a day in this world where I would forget a snack let alone a day worth of meals!  I eat out of nervousness I am not 100% sure if that counts as emotional eating.  Because my anxiety can turn any moment into a nervous activity which then gives me permission to chow down.  Today a tongue in cheek confession was made to my husband as we joked about my temptations.  I will eat versions of those items that I don't even like because of what they say to me.  I remember drinking the world's grossest soda - It was blue and the name was something like blue mountain soda sparkling blue this was 10+ years ago.  It tasted like foaming carbonated paint thinner or some other household cleaner - rough stuff.  I believe I finished half a can and that is the only pop in this world I have not finished.  I used to find some diet sodas that tasted like soap but did I buy them more than once.  Why yes I did!  That has to say something - and probably not the nicest  or wisest comment. 

 

So what does this have to do with workin' up a sweat?  Well I recently stopped by the library for rejuvenation into the work-out world.  I started off strong this month promising myself I would do at least thirty minutes of dedicated on purpose working out so that anything extra was just bonus points.  I have dragged out the Wii that passively agressively reminded me that I have not visited in 253 days.  Why thank you Wii for noticing my absence - missed you too!  And then had the audacity to say I've gained 19 pounds in that time.  I guess the Wii Fit did not want me to visit again for another 253 days!  I have bonded again with the Walking DVD where my son believes he is meant to serve as my arm weight as he giggles along with the super peppy coach on the television screen.  Well that gung-ho attitude lasted a whole five days.  Then a couple more passed and I said "Suzy we have to make this work! The weight has to go and more importantly that blood sugar needs to get under control!!!"  I know in the logical world that exercise greatly impacts my blood sugar but when I am being pulled by Sal the Snacker and called by the cravings I leave logic blocked in a corner screaming for help!  Not that logic needs my help but it knows how much I need IT! And Logic wants to desperately help me in those desperate moments!   

 

So I tried to be pro-active and grabbed two DVDs from the library my free resource to dabble in movement.  One is a bellydance DVD which cracks me up (because at my size the belly dances pretty much all the time on its own  its just not quite in the manner people find attractive ;)  and a God inspired Sweating in the Spirit where we pull out the Hymns and the Gospel singers to motivate our movement.  The "coach" or "teacher"  quoted the above line quite often in the DVD.  Every time she said that scripture verse or the mantra " your body is your temple" - I winced.  Which is what we do when we view an action as dangerous or painful.  This wasn't her intention I'm sure.  She meant to be encouraging.  She was smiling and throwing up her arms in Glory to God.  And I was trying to sink into the floor away from God's gaze. 

 

Hmmmm....That kind of reaction deserves a ponder.  I say I want to beautify and strengthen my body, my temple in honor of God.  As a sign of respect!  That kind of thinking leads to work-outs which leads to so many wonderful options.  An instant gift is my son's reaction.  He is his Mommy's biggest cheerleader.  Certain DVD's cause him to giggle and copy mine and the television's instructor's movements.  Sometimes he finds it so delightful and entangles himself around me like a jungle gym when I do "fun" poses.  Such as straddling my legs or arching my back or creating a downward dog sort of pose that he can climb through and interact with me.  I love that!  I love when he discovers a new move or a new opportunity to see life from a new perspective.  These are the good moments when I am on my 'A' game and doing good.  But then I lose my hold on that scripture of empowerment and it becomes a blaming loud alarm as I stuff my face with bowl after bowl of potato chips.  The only growth besides my stomach is that chips at least last two days and not just one :( 

 

Oooh  If only I could hold unto the power of that verse.  That positive encouragement and reminder that fuels me to making good choices worth building up.  Instead of me sweeping it into dark corners as I run away distracted, confused, and blindly numbing myself with foods that clog and slow my journey instead of fueling me into the next stretch of positive growth.  Hmmmmmmm....

 

Day by day, moment by moment I trudge. 

 

Jesus looked at them and said, "with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." --Matthew 19:26 

 

God reach down and help me own the above scripture.  That my body is a temple to serve you to honor you and to always bring glory in your name.  I constantly fail in this area.  I turn away from the responsibility.  I hide my head in guilt and shame to avoid the pain this verse reminds of my failure.  I struggle God because I struggle never because my love for you falters.  Help me to remember to love what you gave me for life, my body and to treat it with respect.  Amen!

 

May your HealthFULL journey hold up a mirror to remind you of the areas where you are strong and where you have grown and a loving reminder of what still could use improvement.  Remember God loves you always where you are - God doesn't wait for you to lose ten pounds or until you can run a marathon.  God loves you right here, right now, and is waiting to hear your heart's desire and to witness ALL of your choices - the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful ;)  'Til we meet again. . . 

Hot Potato!

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. 

 For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 

-- 2 Corinthians 4:18

Isn't there something almost magical about farming? You plant these tiny little seeds, nurture that seed and it becomes a plant that with enough TLC learns to thrive.  Look closely at the picture above?  Do you see the bountiful harvest?  No?  Its potatoes.  A lot of potatoes! Enough potatoes to require the attention of three adults and five children.  Look closer at the picture.  How about now, can you see the potatoes now?  Probably not, but that doesn't make them any less real.

You don't simply pick potatoes - you have to dig for them.  Our top farmer would use the tractor to reveal the delicious vegetables hidden in plain view.  Then the kids and I would grab our baskets and begin to "play" in the dirt and capture our starchy treats.  And there were many potatoes to be found.  We sought, we dug, and we captured our bountiful harvest.

It was a moving experience.  The sun was shining and the as the soil was scattered - little jewels appeared ready to be harvested.  I have been like the potato which might prove the old saying true - You are what you eat :)  I have been waiting in the dark.  I have been growing.  I have sat silent avoiding early light afraid of a quick dismissal.  But with a few big upheavals ready to show myself and hope for the best. 

Pick me! Pick me! I shout to the world.  Pick me Pick me - the kids say to me daily for numerous reasons:  "Pick me to read!" "Pick me to say grace!" "Pick me to love!"  Isn't that what we all seek?  Pick me to love so that I can show my talents. Let me display all of my growing and that it matters to someone.  That someone cares enough to stop, even for a moment, and say wow I might not have seen it earlier but I see you are ready to be picked, utilized, and loved. 

What stage of growth are you experiencing? Are you just planted eagerly awaiting the future possibilities? Are you in the middle of a deep growth and fear disturbance?  Or are you ready to be harvested and screaming pick me pick me! 

It isn't easy to decipher which stage a seed recently planted may reside.  But with faith and  a tad touch of common sense; we can cross paths with the unseen and harvest the ripened "fruit". 

May your HealthFULL Journey include all areas of growth especially answers of  peace and  revelations of the seen and the unseen.  "til we meet again . . .

I told you there was a lot of potatoes ;)

    

And then there was Sunshine

Its hard to remember the warmth and the light of the sun when you are caught in a dark threatening thunderstorm.  Its frustrating to feel trapped and that any and every step will get you drenched or put you at risk.  And then the rain stops, the lightening and thundering fade, and clouds part and there it is -the sun; bright and ready to shine.

I get the momentum and everything is clicking on the healthfull journey and then lightening storms pop up.  Colds and their icky symptoms flood our household.  We throw away our routines on vacation.  And the locomotive of health stops in its tracks and retreats.  I tried really hard to stay on track with at least being active on our vacation.  We didn't even go to the beach and still played outside.  This has not always been true for us.  But we found two awesome playgrounds to have our whole family engaged.  But as I admitted I ate the opposite of healthy in New Orleans - but their food is so good and rich (if you choose their delicious sauces and such - and I DID!).  So I kept up with half of the healthy lifestyle.  Well before I corrected my eating habits - I got hit with the big old cold that drains energy and had me walking less and less....and less!  And the eating not improving so I started to feel threatened that I would never catch my locomotive of health.  So with purpose and thought I would dig in my heels and force myself baby steps.  I am back drinking soda but not the three - four cans a day.  I bought Coke Zero in 7.5 oz can.  And I am trying to allow myself up to one a day.  1 and half days in and I have had two.  So we'll see.  I got myself back to walking after a couple of days rest for the cold.  And I felt the break I took as I attempted our big hill and started pushing myself mentally mailbox to mailbox (there are eight on one side of the big hill :)   And today I ran a couple of quick errands.  The two both could be ran via drive thru.  Because its convenient I tend to use this advantage.  But I figured this is an easy extra two hundred steps I can choose to take.  The world is making it easier and easier to be lazy.  We have to make a commitment to make decisions to be active in our own lives.  Don't get me wrong that I will NEVER again use a drive -thru but when I have time then I need to remind myself this is a choice I can make to add years to my life by taking three extra minutes here and now. 

Its easy to get lost in those dark clouds.  But I promise you if you seek the sunshine you will eventually see past those threatening clouds. 

"A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit." - Proverbs 15:13

May your heart and body be healed on your own HealthFULL Journey when you seek the SONshine and that His light and warmth protect you from those threatening dark cloud kind of days. 'Til we meet again. . .

Tresses that were full of Stresses

Oh when I put on my Supermom Jeans I felt powerful and energetic.  After cutting my hair I felt like a brand-new woman!!! The tresses had to go.  I haven't had a proper haircut in two years, maybe a quick trim - two at the most.  That's a lot of time and a lot of damaged hair that held too many stresses.  My hair was the longest it had ever been.  As a society I believe we have taught many people that long hair usually equals a pretty factor.  That there is pride in our locks and it shows we have willpower and patience to grow out our hair.  Or people like me who just don't get around to the hairdresser.  Believe me this haircut is long overdue and been on the to-do list for at least six months.  My poor fantastic hubby patiently listened to every one of my complaints, whines, outbursts about this too long of hair.  He listened as I yakked about how I pulled my hair (accidentally) and my son pulled on my hair (for sport), how the chairs would tug my hair and I would wake-up with headaches as I continually gave myself whiplash as I would roll over my hair and then try to pull my head up.  Argh!  And finally it was time.  I called, I made an appointment and slashed it off my to do list.  The stylist cut my hair within five minutes of my arrival and as soon as that scissor snipped my hair - angels sang and I smiled the mega-watt smile. 

Because it wasn't just hair she cut.  She helped my de-stress the tresses.  That hair held heartache and worry as I would run my hands through my hair as I sang and whispered to my son in the NICU so many months ago.  Those abandoned strands held pain and frustration as I tugged it into a messy bun after my hair being pulled yet again by one of the many sources.  Those locks were loaded with guilt as I hid my face behind them in hopes to fade away from the world.  There were some dark moments these last two years and those hairs held every memory of sadness, every second of anger, and every instance of worry.  It held no joy because I keep that in my heart :)  But the tresses were stressed and therefore became more stress.

Last night I slept like a baby as I drifted into the land of slumber roughly nine o'clock.  Which is crazy unheard of behavior from me.  Which meant I woke up early with energy.  Not anger or frustration at the early rising but well rested and headache free.  I was able to be at my daily goal of seven thousand steps before ten am as I had a work-out with the Bollywood Burn (newest dvd from the library ) and yes it did burn.  I haven't worked-out besides walking in far too long of time.  Good time to mix things up since I was a brand new me :)  Then unto a walk with one of my favorite guys and canine :)  Then for an encore this afternoon I was back to raking.  I did a small section with my supermom jeans but without my stressful tresses I was able to conquer 2/3 of the yard.  Yay! 

Hair does tell a story.  I love how a seasoned hair stylist can read your lifestyle by the state of your tresses.  As we were deciding on cut and color (as I felt two years without a haircut meant there was room to splurge :)  my stylist mentioned how I could pull off a lighter blonde as I had light hair as a kid.  I did.  But I thought that shade was long gone but she knew.  She could tell how many countless tugs of ponytails and buns my hair experienced.  But my hair was telling a different story that I no longer wanted to co-author.  My tresses were displaying all my stresses and resentment and hurt and on and on.  But these days I have a pep to my step and a sappy to my happy :)  It was time to share that story with the world.  Thank you tresses for being a long for the ride - but in the nicest way possible - GOOD RIDDANCE!

May your HealthFULL Journey eliminate the stresses,  polish the tresses, and make you feel like a more joyful energized brand new version of yourself. 'Til we meet again. . .

A child's delight

It is my child's joy that keeps me on this journey.  I may slip.  I might fall.  I sometimes faceplant.  But I cry it out, laugh it off, and pull myself together to do it all over again.  However, I am trying to figure out my son's endless joy.  I TRY to keep things interesting and he just loves it all.  I work towards a goal and if I meet it before even celebrating I am thinking what should be my next goal.  Not my fifteen month old.  He truly captures the moment and lives in that second.  He cries when he is upset, he laughs when he is happy, and actively observes in between.  For example, last Sunday I decided it was a good fort day especially after our little church meltdown - my meltdown though my son contributed.  All I am gonna say is we were fifteen minutes late, handed in our offering, was ready for the sermon, and then my son started babbling and getting antsy - we stepped out for what I thought would be a minute to compose ourselves or the whole sermon as my son planned and one of us might have lost our pants (that one was my son - although I was the one probably mortified).  But again perfect example - I was looking forward to worship - the singing - the sermon.  And my son was excited to see so many people, and have room to crawl in the narthex which is crazily empty during worship :) Although I do tend to enjoy my pastor's sermons I probably will remember spending time in the quiet narthex with my son more in the years to come then the exact words that were preached.  Do you get caught up in the shoulds, the coulds, the woulds, the goals, and the events?  Or are you like my son and  you just live and breathe in the moment? 

Anyway, you might understand why I thought it was fair to have an easy afternoon?  Who doesn't love a good fort?  My skills are rusty but vast improvement from the one I attempted a month ago.  I am trying "to plan" and design a sturdy fort - with the ease of being casual and just good fun.  (but then the competitive side leaps forward and screams in my head this is going to be the best most perfect fort ever designed.)  And my son?  Sees a new obstacle and lunges for the half up sheet which is not sturdy by any means and certainly isn't ready to brace a quickly moving 21 1/2 pounder.  I kept telling him "Just wait, when the fort is finished we'll have so much fun".  And he responded with giggles as he threw himself repeatedly into the sheet or covered his face with excess sheet for some peek-a-boo.  I half laughed, sweated, and muttered about how this fort was going to be a success if it kills me.  I am rearranging furniture and huffing and puffing.  And my son is rolling on the floor laughing and pounding on the "new furniture" as it takes new location and climbing under and over EVERYTHING! 

Once the fort was up my son stood proudly under the draped sheet and tried to touch the "ceiling"; as time passed this challenge became easier and easier. He scooted and laughed until his heart's content.  I turned on Mr Popper's penguin and decided Mission accomplished!  There was so much fun to be had and I missed some of it because I was so caught up in the destination.  Not my son - he didn't miss a second!  I kind of believe he added seconds with his endless delight :)  It was the journey with twists and turns of what is going to happen next?  When the sheet wouldn't stretch far enough and started to flutter to the ground.  I thought Argggh! "stupid clothespin!"  And my son saw "new game", or "How cool! it covers me and I'm hiding.  I'll have to dig myself free!"  I had a minor heart attack as one of the chairs fell; while my son saw a new climbing challenge.  He feels the moment and I run right through them to get to the next moment. 

I have a lot to learn from my mini muse.  I look forward to smaller sizes and pounds lost.  But that is only results.  The journey is everything else.  I like to check off excercise from my to do list.  But I need to be grateful for that time of feeling healthy, embracing time with my son, and growing stronger in all aspects of my life.  I mentioned my son because he is my cheerleader, my inspiration, and my number one fan.  He applauds my crazy dancing.  He eagerly crawls into my arms when I am marching around the living room.  He tries to steal my pedometer :)  But most importantly every day he lets me know I matter.  And because of him I need to continue to get better and improve by moving forward.

May your HealthFULL journey highlight those people who matter: those who inspire, encourage, applaud, and share in your journey. 'Til we meet again. . .

 

That first step. . .

This whole journey has been filled with first steps.  Retrying first steps. Re-doing first steps. Repeating first steps.  And the whole process after a strong first step ...baby steps.  So many times I charge gung ho down the trail.  Let's do this!  We can do it!  This feels awesome!  To quickly retreat the next day (or halfway through my own personal pep rally) thinking have I lost my mind?  I can't do this....I don't want to...this stinks....no fun! ....and blah blah blah.  Sometimes I argue with myself just put the tennis shoes on.  If nothing else happens so be it.  But at least tie the freakin' sneakers unto your feet.  So I tie my sneakers and never have I decided that was enough.  I figure once I have the shoes on my feet I might as well use them.  I work great with boundaries.  I tell myself "You just have to do one lap but should probably stop after four laps.  Or walk as much as you can in fifteen minutes."  This gives me limitations so I don't feel like I have to walk to New York and back to feel I've accomplished my task. Challenging enough to get me off the couch but not overwhelming that I feel there is no point to give up the lounging. 

Also I need something to add change to the daily work-outs.  For awhile the new DVDs from the library were great motivators.  Then my goal to cover an extra mile boosted me to walk daily.  On the new horizon I have a new pedometer.  Noticed I said new?  Yup I have tried the pedometer in my past.  But I didn't like mine it didn't motivate, actually it discouraged me.  I had purchased one with the intention of walking 10,000 steps a day as that should be my goal according to an article I read at my heaviest.  At my heaviest weight this might be shocking news.  I was not walking anywhere near 10,000 steps.  I wasn't even walking 5,000 steps a day.  I was walking in the ballpark of 2,500 steps a day.  That included work, leaving my apartment, getting ready and I barely covered a mile within a day.  That is heartbreaking. And discouraging.  I was barely covering a 1/4 of my goal.  So without much intention I began to forget my new friendship with the pedometer and let it stink into the miscellaneous drawer with much adieu.  However, now I am ready to add the pedometer into my daily routines.  My average routine consists of 5,000 steps without even trying. (Vast improvement from seven years ago).  This pedometer is actually a tool purchased by my company to encourage a healthier lifestyle.  My cost is zero dollars which makes this free!  Who doesn't love a bargain these days.  It tracks your progress online and rewards you for the different milestones you achieve with different prizes.  Ahh now some friendly competition - excellent!  I have worn my pedometer for three days.  The established goal is to walk 7,000 steps a day at least five days a week.  But in my head sits that old nagging number of 10,000.  Because once you hit 7,000 why not try for 10,000.  However you get extra points for walking 12,000 steps in a day.  So on my third day once I hit my 10,000 (which I had done the first two days!) why not try for 12,000 and I did. Hopefully you can read the 12,069 in the picture as proof I'm really doing this.  I really am onboard this time to be the healthiest I can be. 

I am not the only one "stepping" up my "A" game.  As a Valentine's Day surprise our little boy decided to take his first steps.  Five to mommy and five to daddy.  I figure if my son is going to start walking; I better push myself past that first step as well. 

May your HealthFULL Journey begin with that first step and quickly multiply.  'Til we meet again. . .

Power down! Deal with it. . .

Oh if the world truly graded our efforts and not the end result both my hubby and I would have A's for the day.  But instead we grabbed our remote flipped on our newest episode of "The Chew" and stuffed our faces with Chinese food.  This wasn't the plan but then every attempt of a schedule or plan for today met with obstacle, snub, or just plain didn't happen.  We tried.  Both of us.  In our own way to make today a great day but pffffffffffffft was much of the reply.

I woke up to the sound of an unhappy baby at six a.m.  I went to check up sound asleep.  Back to bed for mommy.  Then seven-thirty one blare of a scream with no follow up.  I took it as an early alarm that would allow me a chance to get ready for the day.  These are rare moments that I can piece together two thoughts to kind of get a plan for the day.  So I was grateful and got ready. No more awake sound in the first thirty minutes.  Awesome I am on a roll.  This mama is going to get some breakfast together.  Another fifteen minutes pass and still silence.  Now frustrated because I probably could have gotten a work-out in.  And then - yup - there it is the scream of a disgruntled morning toddler.  Drop everything and immediately head to the crib.  It's like the gunshot at a race to start my crazy day.  On your marks get set - GO!  Already point down -wet bed.  Boo!  But no problem an extra load of laundry on the to - do list.  Will get in the wash later as we have a hungry boy on our hands -  grab today's outfit.  Then a quick breakfast and we begin the baby olympics to burn off energy.  Up the stairs like a rocket (he doesn't walk but give him a set of stairs and he can move!)

Oh no - stinky meter rising as we climb the steps.  Quick descent with the help of mom unto clean diaper.  Then to the fridge to play with our magnets.  Really? Stink meter is going off again - not a good sign - maybe false alarm  - oh no no no!  Definitely not a false alarm.  Unhappy baby changed again and then walking with assistance.  Going to impress our Early Interventionist who is due in three minutes...oh no sleepy baby has struck down my boy.  We are rubbing our eyes, yawning, and becoming a limp noodle unresponsive to even the tickle monster.  Our E.I. arrives and the little boy is exhausted.  Wake up baby boy you get to play with someone besides mommy with new toys - YAY!  Slowly he responds until he finds the bubbles.  He is quickly revived and enjoys "popping" bubbles in the living room.  Yay!  Next round of breakfast and sleepy boy hits.  Good timing.  I sneak him into his crib with a few protests and then golden silence. 

I slip into my work-out clothes, grab my water bottle and reaching my hand out for the stairwell.  WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!  Seriously?  I drop off the water bottle enter the doorway of our son's room and wha....*gag* never mind figured out what woke you up.  New diaper time.  Oh and look not ready for a nap now.  Let's go and play in the living room.  We need a quiet activity.  Sesame Street it is.  *world judge me if you must - I know children under two shouldn't watch tv and my response I don't do it everyday.  And when he does he rarely gets more than one Sesame Street episode a day.  I say rarely because today he did - and there are just worse crimes in the world than a two sesame street episode in a day*.  I got some paperwork done and some little cleaning jobs.  And the kid was exhausted.  We grabbed milk and listened to some music and tried a nap again.  Not very happy nor cooperative but we finally reached the silence stage of the house again.  I grabbed my bottle and headed upstairs.  Who knew how long this nap would take so I paid a couple of bills due on the computer and turned on my Wii Fitness. 

Error message - Wii Remote needs replacement batteries.  No problem I'll just grab a couple and pop them in.  In the zone let's get our sweat on.  Wait Error message.  Just replaced the batteries - oh no the Wii board needs battery replacements.  Grin and bear it.  I'll just go and grab some more batteries.  Okay they're replaced.  Let's weigh in - and the Wii cursor is stuck on the screen.  Why?  Oh you've got to be kidding.  The wireless remote sensor needs charging.  Hear this message world : I am working out today!  So throw me your obstacle course but I am even more determined - battery replacement, upset child, and uncharged sensor - pull it together.  Yay success - I've lost 5.3 pounds in 2 1/2 weeks.  *happy dance*  Caught last night's "Parenthood" while I stepped my way through thirty minutes.  Bye bye 200 calories - hello guilt free afternoon.  Wait is it still silent?  I am grabbing me some lunch.  Two meals in quiet - wowsers! Still quiet I am going to actually sit on the computer for fun.  Sitting down. . . .and yes there is the cry that my lunch hour bell has dinged - finished.  Back to baby duty.  Coming love. 

Lunch is ready to be served.  Oh we did not like the lunch menu that we have previously loved.  Carrots not on the baby's menu today - however you can find carrots on my floor, in his high chair and I am pretty sure on my piano.  Awesome!  Let's play some more.  Oooh checked the clock daddy will be home soon.  Should straighten the house a tish and get baby laundry in the washer. This requires a bit of movement on mommy's part in different rooms.  So let's place the baby in his crib to play with a couple of his favorite toys.  eight minutes tops!  Well look my mother in law is at the door as she is helping my hubby go pick up our car in the shop(stupid battery - wait is that this week's theme that no one told me about - power down - work around it).  I would help but out of two vehichles only one is baby friendly.  The other is a truck.... with an air bag. So no go - and no hubby at this point.  No problem.  Ahh the sound of hubby's arrival and the squeals of delight from our son.  (Everyone in the world lied to me.  When I was pregnant and shared I was having a boy.  Everyone smiled and said - oh the relationship between a mother and son is so precious.  No one mentioned that its precious but won't compare to a daddy's boy which we 100% have. Which I adore - but slightly get jealous of - especially the "rougher" days.  Mommy = tears - Daddy = giggles of delight.  Sorry for the tangent!)  So quick stop just enough to hear that hubby was late but most likely had to return to work because the store lost power as he was leaving - COME ON WORLD!!!   Our son was kind of sad to see his daddy go so soon.  So yup Sesame Street it is again.  I never do this.  But if the world is going to bring me down, turn off most of my power -then I will do what I can to finish the day with a smile on mine and my son's face.  And I wouldn't change our second episode.  I got toddler cuddles for almost an hour.  And that was a pick me up I definitely needed.  We played unto dinner.  Guess what peas were not on my son's wish list for the day either.  More of these in my son's chair than his belly.  I even gave it the yummy in my tummy with thumbs up and lots of smiles after obnoxiously cheerful big bites.  (p.s. I am not a fan of peas.  I will eat them mixed into other dishes and enjoy a good pea soup.  but eating straight up peas = unhappiness. Maybe it reminds me of a Canadian Anglican Priest shooting them at me across the dinner table but I'll stop with that tangent as well.)  He did agree to a few bites.  Some more floor play -  tickle session - he loves this falling down game on the bed - we played that.  Oh look bath time YAY! 

Bath time almost broke me.  I was setting up a couple of items and Drew was playing with the hair rinser.  (A pitcher that has a flexible top to bend around the head to keep from soap dripping in his eyes or water down his face.  )  I didn't realize he was actually pulling water out of the tub until the second attempt.  When water went sloshing all over the bath mat.  And as I reached for him he got in a third fill-up and shared that with the toilet seat cover and waterfall effect over the other side of the toilet.  Oh this awesome day gets better and better.  Now we have WATERWORLD.  And I haven't even attempted washing down the baby yet.  YAY!  So I grabbed the not wet but SOAKING (could he have really filled the pitcher all three times - as much water as I was cleaning - possibly!) bath mat and toilet seat cover and to the washer they go.  Throw down a couple of towels to mop up extra water.  Phone rings hubby can finally return home.  Power has been restored and product was back on the shelves.  I begged for chinese.  I was a weak woman who didn't have plans of cooking and I could tell my hubby didn't have plans for cooking either.  Chinese it is!  With a vigor to my step as my better half was soon on the way home with a piping hot supper. Onward to bath time.  We got through bathtime okay.  He was like a seal pup that kept sliding through my hands and his trick was to splash "the audience" meaning mommy and the rest of the bathroom with his own created typhoon while I wrangled him into sitting positions between scrubbing and rinsing.  I should have worn a swimsuit. 

But we made it to pjs and our nightly bottle.  Hallelujah!  So no not the day I planned.  Not an everyday kind of day in hopes to see results on the healthier side of things.  But a good day with a 100% survival rate.  I shared today because it was a real day trying my best.  I tend to blog when I am on the successful side of things.  I am usually on a high and want to share my good news.  Sometimes I am on a down day trying to pick myself up.  But there are those in between days - like today - where there are some great highlights (down five pounds and got a 30 minute work-out in even with some obstacles) - but some not great choices (like chinese food with sauces and fried foods).  These days are a part of the journey.  I constantly strive for improvement (well perfection if I am honest but I am working on IMPROVING my unrealistic expectations :)  but settle for doing the best I can , with what I have, where I am.  And today I was home stranded without a vehichle with a cranky energetic little boy missing my better-half  and a craving for Chinese food. 

May your HealthFULL Journey include the unscripted moments so that you can really see the new you emerging.  Because when the power goes down we all have to deal with it. "Til we meet again. . .

The Power of Cleaning

Don't you just love a clean house? Or even a clean room?  There is something motivating about walking into a room where everything seems to be resting in their proper place.  But I think the "secret" spots are the most exciting when clean.  You know where I am talking about.  The "miscellaneous" drawer.  Your closet. Under the bed.  The cupboard where kitchen gadgets have gone and never returned.  Or that pantry shelf of unopened foreign but really interesting bottle of sauce, the bag with one lonely stale cookie, the crackers you bought on sale that are healthy but have no flavor but that you refuse to throw because then you feel guilty for not really giving them a chance but the thought of attempting to eat one makes your face instinctly go blech as you shudder that one shrug that emphasizes your disgust.  You get the picture.  Sure clean bathrooms, hung laundry, and clean floors freshly vacuumed - looks nice and feels great.  But that real deep satisfaction feeling comes from those areas that you clean for you.  The areas where houseguests shouldn't really be peeking and even family members who dwell within the same residence are mostl likely crossing private boundaries.  These are the areas we tend to overlook as guests don't notice and few can offer that positive feedback we crave.  But when we do take the moment to really clear out our special places we feel invincible.  Why?  Here are a couple of my thoughts: Because we took a moment to say our wants matter.  That I value myself more than I value clutter.  With every choice we make we get one step closer to knowing who we really are, by stating what we really want, and become the person we want to be. 

A little dramatic. Perhaps.  But there is something about the power of cleaning.  It truly is a whole person act.  Physically you are stooping, stretching, walking room to room, crawling, sitting, jumping, grabbing, tossing, scrubbing, and the list could easily continue.  Emotionally you are recalling why items matter or don't anymore.  Mentally we choose to keep an item or dispose of the item and then how to accurately place the item (keep - where to store and for how long, dispose - throw away, recycle, donate, give away, trade, or sell).  Financially you may keep more in your pocket as you don't have to buy replacements as you found a home for valuables or easily lost items (can we say stamps!!!) or you may loosen the purse to replace items that have lived a good life (I bid adieu to four pairs of jeans today). 

But the real point of today's entry.  I feel amazing.  I feel strong as my body was able to keep up with my long to do list.  I feel wise as I was able to keep my head in the game and make tons of decisions pretty easily.  Some of these chores have been on my to do list and creating guilt within myself and "graying" my mood as I bypassed these activities for numerous reasons.  But now that they are crossed off I feel accomplished and freed.  And definitely feel jazzed and excitement walking around my home and feeling that I have some wiggle room ; room to wiggle if I choose, to fill with items that make my heart soar, and that not everything feels so crammed. 

After some true sleep last night I was able to wake up and feel motivated.  A HealthFULL lifestyle has to start with rest.  Time to reflect, renew, and regain strength.  And once we regroup and refuel our energy we can make active and informed choices about our well-being.  By choosing to clean today I was able to let go of built up frustration and guilt by finding peace and joy. Both great feelings anytime but especially valuable sentiments during the holidays. 

May your HealthFULL Journey lead to moments of clearness as your life gains purity through the removal of clutter and the discovery of options.  'Til we meet again. . .

The Broken Umbrella

Oh if my life was a movie this week... cue into the closing scene where a woman walks down the sidewalk in front of her office building with a bounce in her step and a giggle on her lips.  Now if this truly was a movie the woman would be 5' 11" just over a hundred pounds in a gorgeous trench coat- fantastic make-up and perfectly coiffed hair possibly a french twist, mega watt smile with a confident stride and the background a slight sprinkle of rain with a touch of sunlight.  But before we go into the fade back let's really examine the final scene.  Because this blog isn't a movie but about my real  HealthFULL journey on how I can Fully Understand Life by Living which means there are lots of these moments.  Here is the true final scene: A heavy set woman, no make-up, a quick ponytail, an awkward pace to her gait, and a giggle bordering between hysteria or tears, with an open broken umbrella and a gloomy gray sky with spurts of wind. Now the choices that lead into this scene.

Its Monday because this is real life and real life seems to come together harshly this particular time of the week.  We are approaching wintertime here in the South and instead of facing a harsh blizzard we tend to see a lot of drizzly depressing rainy days.  This would be one of those days.  I hate driving the truck in rain.  The accelerator tends to stick when it gets a little chilly and the automatic truck pretends it is a bucking bronco. Not fun!  But as I pull into our parking lot - wait for it I actually have an umbrella on me.  This is news because for seven years of our marriage - my husband and I did not own a single umbrella.  But I now own one that matches my purse.  Fancy I know!  My hubby calls it my little umbrella and I love it...or I did, but I am getting ahead of myself.

Work begins and time passes.  The minutes tick down and the clock is nearing break time.  Oh I so have the Monday blahs.  Its cold out and rainy.  No walk I pout, stomp, and whine I don't wanna.  But don't want to do something doesn't mean I can't.  That I am physically unable.  And I realized that as an adult I can't give into my teenage rebellion or even my child-like tantrum just because I don't feel it.  Sometimes we have to weigh our wants vs. our goals vs. our needs.  I didn't want to walk but after my high blood sugar reading (the highest I have had in over a month) I needed to walk and that my goal is to lead a healthier lifestyle.  Well grab the umbrella because we are going for a walk : sunshine, rain, or snow pull on the tennis shoes we're hitting the pavement.  Did I have other options then walking outside?  Absolutely!  I could have walked the steps in our five story building (they are bit daunting and creepy).  I also could have stretched in my cubicle for fifteen minutes but who wants to create that kind of scene.  No I'll take my cute little umbrella and walk.

It felt good the first break.  There is something about the smell of rain that is energizing as everything is refreshed.  The confidence building as I did something good for myself and I didn't even want to do it.  But I dug deep and accomplished my goal.  Its that first step willing to embrace the activity, isn't it.  I convinced myself go outside.  If you only walk once around the building so be it.  But my body craved movement and once the first step happened it was easier to follow it with 1500 more.  Great first break.

The day continues on and the afternoon break looms before me.  I silently debate my options.  I already had fifteen minutes under my belt.  Do I really have to commit another fifteen in the rain?  Yes because I knew I was working late, when I get home I will be exhausted and on mommy/wife time.   So if I wanted to get my full thirty minutes in for the day this would most likely be my last shot.  Plus it really was refreshing the first break.  Grab my tennis shoes and adorable umbrella one more time.  Hmm...the grayness seems a little darker.  The wind has picked up a little speed and an extra chill as I sink a little deeper into my coat.  One time around the building done.  I am feeling a shot of pride, a bounce in my step as my confidence grows and as I am too busy applauding myself a lot happens.  I notice the wind is picking up my umbrella and flinging it around.  I see one of the spokes has bent and then one final gust pulls the umbrella out of my hand as I simultaneously trip over the sidewalk.  (The same sidewalk that I have walked numerous times all of a sudden has a crack that raises three inches off the ground just enough for my shoe to catch it and stub my toe).  I lose the umbrella to the ground as I stumble three steps forward bracing myself for the inevitable fall and side step my umbrella (I don't want to break it) and the wind carries my friend away into the street into upcoming traffic as I twirl to catch both my balance and in a half-hearted attempt to catch my little umbrella.  I watch in horror as a SUV comes racing down (or driving normal speed)  bee-line towards my umbrella and I wondered if there was any possible way my umbrella could be spared and if not; Can an open umbrella hurt a moving SUV?  There was something child-like as I wanted to race into the street and save my priced possession like a child does their ball.  But miracles of miracles the umbrella is spared.  I grab the umbrella and race to safety.  As I turn the final corner towards my office building.  It was like I was not only in a movie but a cartoon as I look up into my umbrella.  As I gaze upwards one spoke (not the bent one) drops into two pieces.  I try to close the umbrella to see the damage and there is one side that sticks out now with the two pieced spoke and the bent spoke and I do the only thing that seems natural.  I giggle at my blessed misfortune.  Yes I tripped.  I lost my umbrella.  And my umbrella broke.  But I walked for thirty minutes.  I actually had a working umbrella for 28 of those minutes.  My umbrella did not get run over (and I didn't have to pay for any damage towards an expensive looking SUV).  And though I tripped, I didn't fall nor sustain any true injury. Well a little bruise to the pride as I was beginning to think I was all that and a bag of chips.  But a near fall and a broken umbrella bring me back to reality.  So Broken Umbrella thank you for the memories, the lessons, and the humility.

May your HealthFULL Journey be full of opportunities that lift you up and catch you when you fall. 'Til we meet again. . . 

Hippity Hop

Oh that's right I am down with my bad self.  Several mornings I have attempted some Hip Hop.  I love watching those moving contemporary pieces and storied Hip Hop on So You Think You Can Dance.  That piece with Alex and Twitch two seasons ago - hands down the coolest dancing I have ever seen.  I have mentioned my adoration for dancing.  That secretly I believe a dancer hides within my soul - however she has never revealed herself physically.  In my soul I am leaping and popping like nobody's business.  In the physical body I resemble those hippos in tutus from Fantasia.  But on this HealthFULL Journey I am learning just because its not perfect (nor won't ever be perfect) doesn't mean I shouldn't try.  So I hit snooze in the morning until I peek open one eye and say at least ten minutes.  One routine is ten minutes.  I won't feel guilty, I'll feel a little bit of energy and something accomplished.  I tell you a full thirty minute work out sets me up for a great day.  But ten minutes helps me from feeling lost.  So I pop in the Hip Hop DVD and start Hippity Hop.  I say this because I give the moves an extra bounce or full on skip.  This is that unrhythm I mentioned but it is still something. 

Frustration easily sets in as I watch the "instructor"  complete her thirtieth move with a smile and I got lost on the second with my two left feet.  And there is definitely a voice that echoes in my being turn it off and crawl back into bed for these eight delicious minutes.  But there is a smaller voice that cries from my soul their thanks.  No the Russian Ballet won't be calling me soon but there is a part of my soul that rejoices.  And slowly from the inside out and by consistently working out the outside in - I am carving out that joyous dancer.  Hippity hop - crossover, back, crossover, step touch step, and turn around.  As Monica says in an early Friends episode ( a rough paraphrase) - Girl in the back you're doing it(dancing) all wrong.  Monica's response: But at least I'm doing it.   That's my answer too.  At least I'm doing it.

May your HealthFULL Journey transform you inside out and outside in and carve out the version of yourself that you've always wanted.  "Til we meet again. . .

Cool as a Cucumber

What a fun week!  I truly enjoyed my TGIF as I looked forward to a couple hours with me, myself, and I.  Heavenly as it started with a leisurely stroll through our local library.  I picked up a couple of new excercise DVDs to try - Cardio Hip Hop and some Yoga.  I may not hit every step (as my Wii Fit reminded me this morning that I seriously lack rhythm) but I will have some fun.  Speaking of my friend Wii Fit.  I counted my stamps for showing up - 15 out of the last eighteen days.  Yay me!  I "work out" at least thirty minutes to an hour on the Wii Fit.  And the three days missing stamps - I could recall walking at least thirty minutes those three days.  Reminders!  Stickers, marks, measurements, scale, lists, blood sugar readings - anything visual to remind ourselves that we are making positive changes and true healthFULL strides.  Its easy to throw in the towel when you feel the world against you - the scale numbers went up, pants feel tight, or you feel HUNGRY.  Not hungry lets grab an apple or a handful of nuts.  I'm talking HUNGRY where you will hop into the car and drive to the nearest fast food while speed dialing the pizza place for your old friends that brought happiness (brief along with shame, guilt, fat, carbs, grease - you get the point :)  Thats the exact moment you need a reminder.  These changes are making a difference.  And speaking of changes while at the library I picked up a book to offer me guidance on adjusting to the diabetes diagnosis and a cook book dedicated to those who don't want to sacrifice flavor but want to remain carb conscious.

And speaking of cooking?  I have found myself in the kitchen a lot this week.  My hubby was the main chef tonight (grilling up some cheesy Portabella mushroom burgers - where the mushroom is the patty - hold the bun for me) and I helped with the sides; yummy acorn squash and drumroll as I prepared our featured rookie produce of the week - hothouse cucumbers.  Oh I enjoy cucumbers.  Actually I have a story from when I was in Alaska.  I stayed with many wonderful people who went out of their way to make me feel comfortable and trying to prepare meals with my uncommon food restrictions.  At the time I was eighteen and I didn't eat pork, red meat, or caffeine (that's right no chocolate) for about six years.  I also missed home comforts and our kitchen staples.  When you grow up with certain pantry items you assume everyone has them all the time.  Not the case.  We were staying in a fishing cabin and as we were guests we rarely shopped for our meals.  They were provided so no room to really complain.  But that also means we had little say in our meals.  I remember the host offered cucumber slices.  I went bananas.  Something fresh and raw that I like.  It was cool and crisp and tasty.  I used to dissect my food.  I didn't like food to touch and liked flavors separate.  I ate the non favorite items first and left my favorites for the end.  Meaning sub sandwiches I would eat the lettuce and tomato first (wasn't a fan) and then the meat and then the yummy cheese and maybe some of the bread.  Or salads I would pick out the tomatoes and gulp them down, olives, and then left the one or two cucumber slices with a little ranch for near the end , right before the croutons.  And when the host offered such a simple treat it brought back that joy of a simple treat and comfort of home.  My mom makes me a special creamy cucumber salad (that to this day I am not sure if anyone else in our house liked it). 

So I tried to marinate my Hothouse cucumber today.  Something cooler to go against the warming cozy squash.  It was okay.  I enjoyed the cucumber the peel is not very thick.  And the cucumber has length (at least 16 inches).  Not too many seeds, mellow flavor.  But I didn't pick the best marinade.  A recipe suggested an onion to accompany the cucumber but we were down to our last onion in the house and who doesn't love some caramelized onions on their burger - especially if it is bunless :)  I used a white wine vinegar with some fennel seed (which gives it a licorice kick at the end), pepper, onion powder to accomodate the missing veggie (poor substitute choice as you need the bite of onion more than the flavor), a little dill (because it's a friendly well-known flavor to the cucumber) and a pinch of a sugar.  It needed to marinade a little longer with a little more sweetness.  Which possibly could have come from the onion.  Good produce, poor choices. 

It was a tasty meal and our adventures in the kitchen is bringing my hubby closer.  Not only do we share discussion of how to prepare items and a chance to rub shoulders but to build memories and traditions. Since I am a romantic at heart I love having a cheesy unified foundation to share with our son as he grows older.

May your HealthFULL Journey help you discover your simple pleasures, form heartwarming traditions, and joy. 'Til we meet again. . .

And God Laughs. . .

You remember the last good joke you heard?  Do you notice the difference of your reaction from the first time you heard the joke from the second?  I am talking a doozy of a joke that you can't wait to repeat and even when telling it you chuckle because you know the punchline.  Well God decided to share a joke with me - we'll call it Friday the 14th :)  Oh  how God chuckled throughout the day knowing the punchline.  I however nervously tittered throughout the day with a few tears springing to my eyes as I "waited" with anticipation for the punchline.  Let's see if you appreciate the punchline. . .

Now I have been recently diagnosed with diabetes and I am treating the diagnosis as not a horror show tragedy but a wake up call.  So like a good girl I have been to the doctor and following up as requested.  I had labs scheduled for a quick draw of blood after fasting to see where my body stands now: Cholesterol, Iron Levels, and so on.  No problem I pass the hospital on my way to work.  I'm in, I'm out, and bada bing on the way to work.  Oh but see I did not realize that I had a day of fun planned.  As part of my follow up my doctor requested that I drop off my blood sugar numbers from the previous week and half to see how I am doing.  I drop off the numbers and found out that I was early to my lab appointment as I was suppose to be there where I dropped off the numbers.  I thought I was suppose to go across the street.  Bonus for me - Today is my lucky day (God must have just roared at that thought!)  The receptionist tells me to take a seat and I will be called shortly.  Tick tock goes the clock over and over - the minutes slowly tick away.  Well here comes ten o'clock the time I am suppose to BE AT WORK.  Thirty minutes have passed and still no one has called my name.  And just as I am about to stand up to see what is going on a technician walks out and calls my name and another person's.  I think. . . It was quietly spoken, and the technician did not come into the waiting room, just the hallway and I have a semi popular last name. I go to the spot that I think I heard my name.  Nobody there and the doors have shut to the lab.  I look around questioningly - like a lost puppy and a woman who looks like she means business comes out of a different doorway looks me up and down - I must have passed the test of someone who looks like they are ready to have blood drawn - And barks out "Sullivan?"  Yes ma'am reporting for duty ma'am.  Let's do this and then an older lady catches up to us and follows us.  And then we both go into the lab room passing the lab waiting room.  I think "Oh, maybe I was supposed to wait there. Maybe that's what the receptionist meant when she said "have a seat".  She probably meant " go around these cubicles, take a right , walk down the hallway, go through the double locked doors and take a left and have a seat in the lab waiting area."  I just miss such obvious directions.  I have never had a double date when I have had blood drawn.  Not a huge fan I must say.  I am a bit nervous to have my own blood drawn (this may be because it usually takes several attempts, a couple of insults due to small, wiry, twisty veins, and a few bruises).  The other lady gets to go first so I get to be extra nervous. I'm from the North where we tend to be conservative and pride ourselves on letting everyone have their privacy unlike the tendency in the South to be open and personable, and share personal details.  I am trying to look at the floor, the ceiling, look "friendly" but not nosy.  She gets to leave quickly.  And then my turn.  But wait to keep things moving they call back another person.  No problem.  Oh but it is an elderly lady with a daughter as her escort.  A feisty daughter who starts to get into a passive agressive verbal battle with the technician.  Awesome.  Please upset the lady who is about to draw my blood.  Thank you. Wait, what is the technician grabbing.  A cup?  Oh no no no! I was not told about this part.  I am suppose to just have blood drawn.  Nope a urine sample too.  Yippee!  This Friday morning is getting better and better and I am already ten minutes late to work plus the drive. I hurry out of the clinic after my morning of fun.  Get to my truck and turn the key.  Roar of engine oh wait.  No that is the sound of nothing.  Turn the key again.  Yeah that is not the sound of a running engine.  Okay I will call hubby.  Cell phones are great.  No answer. I'll try again. Nope still no answer.  Keep it together Suzy!  Alright I will walk home as I don't live too far.  I drive by the hospital everyday and count it three blocks away.  In reality it is closer to a mile and half.  A little morning jaunt, with my purse, my lunch, my sweatshirt, and my bright blue bandage over where blood was drawn.  I was grateful to my shoe choice as they were canvas tennis shoes and not dress shoes.  Look at me still smiling.  And I even laughed with God.  How fun I am getting my work-out this morning.  Did I mention it was a fasting blood draw?  So I am starving and walking home,  I reach my hubby on the phone half way home - he is getting ready for work and it will be faster for me to walk home then him to finish getting ready and grab our son and drive to pick me up.  I agree (in a mumbly sort of way - the novelty of being assertive and seizing the opportunity is dwindling away with each passing step.).  I reach home and greet my favorite guys.  Who my son laughed in delight, my husband laughed, (God must have already shared the punchline with them) and I did that half smile/half cry.  We hop in the car and check on the truck.  My hubby is able to jump start the truck.  Yay hubby.  And we test out his handi-work.  We turn off the truck and try to restart it.  No go!  Okay we jump the truck again, victory!  But both of us work about fifteen miles away from home - interstate wise- not really safe to drive a vehichle that requires a jump start to get moving.  We get the truck home.  We then drop our son off for daycare and then drive my hubby to work and then I turn around to go to work. 

God was enjoying how he was building the punchline that he added a couple hours of extra fun.  As I was checking back in with work running close to three hours late - FANTASTIC! I find out I have three days worth of work sitting on my desk.  At this point - this simply can't be true.  I knew my boss was joking.  Except she wasn't laughing.  I got off the phone and was done.  I no longer carried the smile on my face, or the nodding of the head like good one.  No in my heart I felt like how a ticklefest goes one second to long, the teasing one time too many, or the prank that has too much clean-up.  Moments that were meant for levity that go so wrong in the blink of an eye because reality became too much.  That workload was the straw that broke the camel's back.  Because   I had been looking forward to three hours of uninterrupted time at home by myself before this day started.  Three hours of no cleaning, no listening for the baby, or helping my husband.  But just some quiet me time.  And when I heard that work announcement - poof the dream floated away. 

I arrived at work - late, knowing what awaited for me.  Yet, I was in a bit of denial.  I was hoping there had been a misunderstanding, a little stretch of the truth, or even that the work fairy had waved their magic wand.  But no, there was that much work to do (Secretly I still hoped to sneak out for a little hour or two of peace and quiet at home).  Here we go.    My office was phenomenal coming to my rescue but the hours flew by and my dreams faded away.  I worked up to the minute that I had to leave to pick up my son and then drive fifteen miles out of the way to pick up hubby.  And finally, home.  Sweet sweet home. 

What's the punchline?   Well the night before my hubby and I prayed the same prayer.  Our little one was under the weather, tugging his ears and running a fever.  We know he is teething but weren't sure if he was doing these things in response to that.  Or not feeling well.  As mommy do I keep him home and stay with him?  Or send him to his grandma's.  So the prayer we both said was "God please keep our son healthy.  And make it "PERFECTLY CLEAR" what Suzy should do with her day".  Get it?  God never gave me a moment of doubt about where I was supposed to be.  Our son slept soundly throughout the night and woke up with no fever so I didn't have to worry about if I should keep him home or not.  From the minute I woke up until the minute I got home I was on autopilot.  I had choices in my day but not really.  I could have waited at the hospital and not walked home.  But I possibly could have missed my hubby as his cell doesn't receive all calls.  We could have driven the truck but wouldn't know what would happen.  My choices left little doubt what to do and where to be.  I told you God laughed.  But then he knew the punchline.  Now I can tell the story with a smile because I too know the punchline and its a doozy.

May your HealthFULL Journey be filled with punchlines and laughter.  'Til we meet again. . .

Where is my oomph?

Exercise is getting harder and harder to complete.  Where is my oomph?  Tired?  Hot?  Overwhelmed?  These are all common excuses.  But that's when it is important to muddle through.  We are teething in our southern home.  I think that sentence sums up where my patience, energy, and sanity have all gone.  And when I say "we" this is definitely a family activity.  My sweet little boy that slept and smiled has been taken over by a baby that cries, whines, can't sleep for longer than twenty minutes but then is a drooling giggler.  I feel like I am living with Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde when he was eight months old.  I know these are the times I need to gather my energy to get my endorphins pumping and work out the tension from my muscles.  But ahhh! I am losing my mind!  If you have read another of my blogs "mutiny in the household" mentioned how the world is against my sleep.  And I feel the pattern is back.  I was ready to doze at 1:30 last night and I was about to drag myself to bed I heard the stirrings of the li'l one.  I hesitated and said the silent prayers I believe many parents have uttered.  Please Please fall back asleep.  And a couple of minutes pass and the growls of sleepiness begin to subside until the five alarm scream announces.  Baby needs attention before the house is ready to slumber.  I attempt to address his needs one by one and finally at three o clock we both hit our weariness level and drift to sleep.  He hasn't had anything to eat in the middle of the night in awhile so I figured we might actually have a sleep in kind of morning.  I blissfully shut my eyes for the sweet dreams that come with that thought.  Until my alarm goes off at 6:15 am.  What?!?!?! My hubby sets my alarm when he works so that I can try to get my morning started before our son.  But for two hours later.  Oops.  I crawl/leap back into bed for two more hours of shut eye.  Except a half hour passes and the screams of someone alert the house.  You have got to be kidding!  So once again I believe mutiny was declared and no one informed me.  So you may understand why I really believe the household is teething.  (I hate that he has to cut teeth and wish I could take the pain.  Not only does he hurt but he doesn't really understand what is happening.)

  Where is my oomph?  On my pillow I imagine.  I have played with the idea of a nap.  But sometimes when I nap I turn into a grizzly bear and also experience what movies make a hangover look like.  My thoughts are fuzzy, I can't decipher what time it is, my reactions seem hesitant, and I am just moody because I feel like I lost my day.  Grrrr!  So really it is better to muddle through the day but than I can barely function.  Decisions, decisions.

But I promised myself that I needed to get back on the movement track and made a deal with my hubby.  If you take baby duty for the next thirty minutes I am going to go exercise.  So I drag out the Wii Fit.  And promise myself twenty minutes is acceptable but I am going to get moving.  I am feeling a bit scattered and started skipping through the whole list of exercises (I lost 1.8 lbs in the last two days but gained 9 years.  Kind of sums up my skills).  I did something I don't think I have ever done in a Wii Fit routine.  I used all five categories : Training Plus, Yoga, Strengthening, Aerobics, and Balance games.  Five Alive.  I rarely do the strengthening movements as I use Yoga as my warm up usually.  I really liked the Strengthening exercises and one even stated I was a Bodybuilder. Which I proudly yelled down to my boys.  I know it is a silly pick me up but it did the trick I flew through the full thirty minute work out.  It is amazing how a little encouragement, a little effort, and a little drive actually can help one find their oomph.  It is hard to find anything when sitting down in one place but with a little movement your opportunity increases immensely.

May your HealthFULL Journey bring oomph to all aspects of your life. 'Til we meet again. . .

The Problem with Roots

The problem with roots is that you never know where they will end.  For my exercise today (which has not been daily as I am getting sporadic in this mission).  I told myself you are going to exercise young lady, you don't have to like it, love it, but you do have to attempt it.  If you quit after five minutes but so be it you are getting yourself moving.  So I approached my hubby with a fabulous idea.  It's been hundred degrees, humid, rainy, hot, icky weather and I mentioned to him it was cool outside early this evening.  His reply "Compared to what?"  Sweetly I smiled that wifely smile, "than today *insert giggle*". "Hmmm" I mused out load.  "We should work on the yard.  Our li'l one is down for a solid nap and looky here we both are available to work in the yard".  He harumphed but agreed to my suggestion.  As we got ready he looked at my bare feet and asked "Aren't you going to wear shoes?"  "Of course", I responded.  He then looked at my feet, again! And then looked at my face with that manly furrowed eyebrow questioning look and asked "Which shoes?"  And then I countered with a question, "Which shoes should I wear?"  He smiled and mentioned " I wouldn't wear flip flops."  "Oh? Really? But we're just going to be in the yard."  So for my work out I actually put on socks and tennis shoes.  Crazy idea!  We then get to the front door as I have now met the dress code.  I notice his hands are empty.  "Ummmm?  Aren't we going to need garbage bags? (Yup as a reply.) Okay, and aren't we going to need tools. (Sure he says).  Do we have tools? I inquired.  (Nope).  Sure we do, we must. (No we really don't).  Do we have work gloves?  (Shakes head).  Then why did you agree to work in the yard.  (He shrugged and replied I figured you could show me what you wanted and expected. We could pull the easy weeds). 

Can you tell from this exchange, neither of us are really green thumbs?  And we have become the house on the block that can grow weed trees like nobody's business.  What motivated this yard work is that I was throwing away some of our garbage and noticed the biggest mushroom I have ever seen.  It literally was the size of my cat's head (and he has a pretty big head!).  We bagged that mushroom and its nearby friend as our first official yard duty job.  Then we took a look at the back yard.  Oh sweet yard how I apologize for my ignorance and neglect.  You are so in need of TLC yard.  And I don't really know how to do that.  But I tried for a solid forty-five minutes, with a tired hubby (who has worked 21+ hours in the last two days), a medium size shovel, and a melted rake.  Good times!  We semi-cleared a path by picking up a huge branch and knocking down some four foot hollow stalks. We then came across a beginner tree.  Oh but looks are deceiving.  This pole had some strength and thriving trunk.  No bigger than an inch and half circumference of a trunk.  Oh but this bad boy had some roots. 

My hubby attacked with the shovel and began digging.  I then wrestled the beast to the ground.  Snapping the twig close to the ground.  Oh this has become war sapling as you try to trip me and then would not snap.  I pulled, I stomped, I kicked (remember we have limited tools), I twisted and you showed wear but did not break.  I then begged my hubby for the shovel and I dig, and hack and spear this shovel into your stupid trunk.  You weren't breaking.  We then attempted to uncover the roots.  Again we hack, we pull, we lift, and used whatever leverage we could imagine.  This became my soul mission outside.  I felt if we just uncovered the roots and could pull this tree free there was a life lesson worth knowing.  My husband was such an amazing sport but "Seriously, we need a game plan.  We are not going to stay out here all night with no tools with this tree and waste hours and accomplish nothing."  Oh on the contrary my love this tree is going down! There is a reason and we are going to tough this out together.  Like in the movies we were going to pull this tree out of the ground proving nothing is impossible, together we can do anything, and that we feel this pride and accomplishment.  Cue the hero music now!  But wait, "Snap" Ahhhhh it's the tree. No, its the shovel not meant to unearth trees with 3 feet of roots showing.  We have no idea what else is underground.  But three feet of thick, gnarly roots are unearthed for this four foot bean pole of a sapling.  My husband declares the game over, the tree wins, and now not only do we have to buy all the outside tools we need to add a shovel to the list.  My bad!  Oh I am so bitter at that tree.  It stands out there mocking me (bruised and laying on the ground as I did injure its branchy trunk).  But it still lives.  I stick my tongue out at you stupid tree with the big roots!

How often appearances are deceiving!  I saw that tree and figured between myself, my hubby, and our shovel; we could clear a second path into the back yard of forgotten plant life.  But no, this tree had to have crazy strong roots that are three four times the size of the sapling's trunk.  I have attempted getting to know me again as I travel this HealthFULL Journey, so that I can Fully Understand Life by Living.  I am trying to recall memories and events to figure out what paths I should have swerved differently.  I am milling through emotions, proud accomplishment, and past hurts trying to reveal how I got here.  Sometimes I will declare  uncovering certain memories a victory like a forgotten gem.  But I forget that under some of the dust isn't a polished stone but only a ball of mud.  Time does erase certain events and paint in rosy hues.  Recalling certain emotions is like pulling that tree.  The roots are so deeply embedded that they can't be uncovered all at once.  Its too much.  It needs time to stretch and breathe and release what is has been holding all these years.  So when you start digging and hit those roots.  Take a moment to soak in the moment, to let the root breathe so that it doesn't suffocate you with its tangled tendrils. 

May your HealthFULL Journey expose the old rotten roots so that you can plant new ones that are even stronger.  "Til we meet again. . .

Cleaning up my act

I was so excited for Friday night.  My hubby and I were going to party like we were a couple in their mid twenties basically meaning we were childless for a night as a grandma and grandpa offered their services for a night.  Yay us!  Oh so much fun was in store like - eating dinner when we wanted and no scheduling around our son's feedings and bedtime.  We could be as loud as we wanted watching tv or talking.  We could both just relax in separate rooms watch tv, listen to music, play on the computer and no one had to be on monitor duty or entertaining our lil' one.  And we could watch a movie uninterrupted, together!  Crazy times I realize.  I picked up a treat after work and was driving home with a big smile on my face.  I also had a lightbulb moment about my HealthFULL Journey to share with Corey.  I have become obsessed with this journey and myself (my actions, my emotions, my troubles,  me me me, my my my! Blech!) Focus equals great, intensity sometimes beneficial, obsession like Fatal Attraction means disaster!  So Friday I tuned out of all "me" business and started to observe my surroundings and keep things positive. I planned my Friday to be fabulous and myself to be friendly.  Oh I tried and fought my way through frustrating moments and kept my determination to turn outward, focus on my journey but stop obsessing about my bad luck.  I people-watched at the library which was fantastic.  There were some great people to observe.  I delighted in other people's quirks.  Let the Friday festivities begin as I walk into my house and before I can declare "let the good times roll".  I notice the footstool out of place.  Ummmm....Cor is everything alright?  His response "Yeah".  Mine: "Why is the footstool in the foyer?" His reply: "Oh it's really hot in here." Check thermostat - hmm yeah it's 84+ degrees in the house and the air conditioner is set on 70 that is pretty hot! So our romantic/fun night of freedom included the air conditioner man at our house at 8:30 at night, after we had 4 agencies on stand-by.  So this last week we have had the plumber out and the air conditioner people while waiting for the roofers to call back about their availability.  Awesome leaking roof, mushy carpet, and no air circulation.  Fantastic! Still smiling world - try to pi** in my cheerios but I am gonna grit my teeth and grin! We got our movie in and the house officially began to cool.  Simple fix that hubby of course suggested and I shot down instantly.  So with my pizza I ate some humble pie.  But Saturday is a new day.  I was going to exercise and eat healthier. And FOCUS not obsess!  I checked in with the grandparents and planned to work out before my son's arrival but realized how I could get some serious cleaning done with function of both arms and eyes.  So I turned the work out into cleaning.  In an hour I put away two loads of laundry, started another, swept, vacuumed, and played return - items scavenger hunt (returning items from one room to another and when entering drop off room gather items and return to their original spot. For instance 15 books had found their way into our bedroom that belonged upstairs, upstairs had loose socks, garbage, baby and dog toys, and so I returned the toys and then took big garbage outside).  It felt so good to get little things checked off the to-do list and build up a sweat. I could have done exercise by following one of my new library DVDs (which I so excited to try).  But because I was not obsessing on perfect HealthFULL Journey I could keep my focus but realize that yes I have other obligations.  If this isn't to be a diet (which it is not) but a lifestyle change (which it is) then I have to incorporate my efforts and intentions into my real life.  Yes there is time to pull out the DVD as some me time but there are other times to get creative.  Everyday is a lesson on this journey because I am Finally Understanding Life by Living and that means to me to stop being an observer in this world and being an active participant.

May your HealthFULL Journey lead you to focus on what truly is important.  May your journey help strengthen your awareness, awaken your passions, and lead you to true joy. 'Til we meet again. . .

Rays of sunshine

I have shared some "down" moments - I like to call them my Eeyore days (the gloomy donkey of Winnie the Pooh).  But as of my last writing I have been gathering my strength and editing my food choices.  There has been improvement and getting better.  Now it is time to start to improve my exercise.  I talked to a good friend tonight that got my juices flowing and wanting to get stepping.  However, I didn't as I let the tides of excuses wash in and slowly pull my energy and desire back into the vast ocean.  I get frustrated at not doing more or living this healthier lifestyle that I fantasize about.  I like how I feel when I move.  The energy is great, the looser clothes is nice, and that confidence is rising.  But then I catch a glimpse in the mirror and it is a sucker punch.  What? I haven't became the size 2 model I feel like?  Or then to give myself a boost let's step on the scale and applaud our efforts.  ON the count of three let's applaud the loss.  %$&*#) What!?!? I've gained!  Water-weight, stupid scale, my clothes must weigh at least five pounds, because no way after all this hard work could I have gained there must be something else.  But had I really changed from the two inches it took to step on the scale?  No but I let the negativity rob my joy, my moment.  And slowly I let my frustrations and temptations creep up on me and then surrendered.  Because I wasn't getting results fast enough.  Because the journey once again seemed endless.  I have hemmed and hawed.  Because quite honestly I am the queen of procrastination and pity parties.  What would be better though is if I stopped the nonsense and just put my two feet forward.  Exercise the fifteen minutes or even five just to remind myself - moving feels great and when strung together with enough effort feels amazing.  And stopped trying so hard to start the perfect journey and just began and let the journey unfold naturally instead of following a perfect set-up.  As my friend and I talked I had views on veggies and fruits.  That's right I have learned how to eat healthy but in the last month have covered it up like it didn't exist. It's time to uncover truths, put forth a little extra effort, and do it.  Next blog tomorrow is going to be about exercising and a food victory.  Because the baby steps once worked it is time to focus.  Because when we find ourselves trapped in the dark we seek out the rays of sunshine to offer hope, escape, and purpose.

May your HealthFULL Journey be full of sunshine. 'Til we meet again. . .

Eating my Words

Do you have a voice?  Do you use it?  I don't always use mine.  Sometimes in my more patient moments I wait more than my turn.  I have had many vehicles honk at me during rush hour as I let other drivers in my/our lane.  I have lost several opportunities at extra treats, momentarily rewards, and "roles" to let others have a chance.  I want to step back so others can step forward.  I try to wait a couple of seconds before I volunteer even when the job is not so glamorous.  I have joked with a few people I make a great vice president or assistant manager.  I don't shy away from responsibility but I don't need the shower of accolades.  Or at least I tell myself this.  Because we all appreciate a pat on the back, recognition for a job well done, or a thank you verbally or sometimes even more touching with a glistening look and a nod of the head. 

I've realized I hate to cause others discomfort and I love to soothe other's aches/agony.  I tell myself this brings pleasure as I tend to feel deep empathy.  By bringing another comfort, I am actually making myself feel better.  Maybe it is the golden rule -  what I do is what I hope someone else will mimic to my benefit.  Maybe I am more selfish than I admit.  Maybe I am too scared to take the extra bit because I can't bear to hear other's disappointments/ critiques.  Whatever the reason is that I have gained a lot of my weight because I don't share my concerns, hurts, worries, disappointments, greed, excitement, anger, desires, and blah blah blah.  Pretty much whatever I voice I filter.  Which is why I try to blog everyday so that I don't have time to edit my choices.  So that I can hit those issues that sit on my nerves. 

I need to speak up so I stop stuffing my face.  So I need to stop swallowing my guilt, my hopes, my hurts, my everything.  I need to reduce the filter, risk exposure by dropping my armor, and speak up.  I can't eat through another bag of potato chips to munch away my frustration.  I can't continue to let pasta soothe my anxieties.  I can't let my reward for all good work be sweets (especially ice cream).  or the raiding of the pantries to overcome boredom. Oh this goal won't happen overnight (this blog alone makes me want to grab some cookies and cheese slices).  But I am aware and need to refocus.  I need better habits to replace these bad and long - lasting routines.  I need to voice my concerns, seek rewards that don't include stuffing my mouth, and realize that I don't have to play second fiddle so someone else can play first. 

May your HealthFULL Journey help you find your voice and a sense of tranquilty in those emotional moments.  'Til we meet again. . .

"Real"ly finished

Wow ten days are signed, sealed, and delivered.  There were moments I thought this ten day challenge of real food was going to break me (standing overwhelmed in the supermarket after reading label after label, no morning soda, and my go to snacks had but vanished).  I'll do this challenge again as I keep trying to modify my real life on this real food challenge.  It was a huge eye opener.  I don't need three snacks a day, I don't have to have a dessert to fall asleep, and no chips, soda, or ice cream is okay.  I became acutely aware of the difference between overstuffed and full, and felt actual hunger.  That to eat real food takes some prep time and requires actual cooking.  But this is not  a bad thing.  The food tastes better (and looks better).  Also it helps discourage those heapings of calories that come from mindless eating.  If you have to cook and do the dishes to have an extra snack, it cuts down those bored munchings.  Also I have become reacquainted with water.  Your body is seventy percent water and it needs to be replenished to filter through the organs and keep everything in the body working properly.  I can feel the difference.  It's like certain parts of my body are waking up and letting me know when things are in balance or out of whack.  I have had a couple more headaches than I've had in the past several years but again I don't think this is horrible.  Its my body saying, "I need more water and more sleep (I'm in the heart of finals which have included several late nights after the lil' one catches his shut eye and mommy can think without interruption.) and also I believe it is my body's way of saying good bye to the build up of toxins.

Overall this challenge of real food helped in ways that I could have only hoped.  It made me more aware of my choices, reminded me some tricks to keep my choices on the healthier side, and inspired me to cook more.  Which is a plus in my book as well as my hubby's. 

New DVD from the library finally.  I enjoyed Hula so much that I found a DVD from the same instructor and fumbled my way through  "Tahitian Hip Hop".  Ummm, my hips don't lie, because they don't shimmy.  But I am trying to reacquaint myself with my hips that are in their own way shaking the answer "NO!"  I think part of the benefit of picking out new exercises to follow it keeps things interesting but also keeps me involved.  I pay attention because I don't know what is coming next.  One minute I am thinking will I make it to the end and the next minute it is cool-down and I am another movement checked off the to do list.  This Tahitian Hip Hop was a lot more challenging than the Hula.  What I feel in my movements doesn't feel close to what I see the girls on the DVD leading.  But the good thing is an attempt in exercise still burns calories. So I continue to attempt, fumble, and dance my way to cheery success in saying good-bye to the excess.  I FULLy am on board this HealthFULL Journey and am Fully Understanding Life by Living.  It feels good to be part of the living once again.

May your Healthfull Journey engage you, surprise you, and soothe your weary spirit. "Til we meet again. . .

Holla for Hula

Oh yes all, it is Thursday which tends to be the day I return to the library and pick out my exercise DVDs for the week.  I will be lifting with Miss Jillian Michaels and for super fun I dared to Hula.  After the Bellydance debacle, "Bring it on!"  And this journey is about learning so before I got distracted by the Hula title I sought out that important word "BEGINNER" , That's right, I am not going to get frustrated right off the bat and my reward I saw the whole DVD through.  I learned the basic seven hula steps and let me say I swung my hips with the grace of a hippopotamus, but not any hippopotamus the dancing hippo from Fantasia :)  It was beautiful as the instructor said I would be dancing like an Island Girl in no time.  I felt connected as I squated in tears and was ready to hit power off, she whispers, "Hang in there, You can do it!" Our connection was so strong, she might as well have said "Suck it up Suzy, we are gonna see this dance all the way through!"  That's what I heard.  And so for thirty-three minutes, I swung, stretched, sweated, shook and swayed my hips.  I definitely grasped a lot more of the moves than the Bellydancing moments.  Bollywood still has been my favorite find.  You may wonder why I am drawn to the dancing DVDs but if I was to admit my "quiet hidden secretive" childhood dream, I would have to confess I have always wanted to be a dancer. I used to pull out Grease, Electric Bugaloo 2, Parent Trap 3 (I believe it was a Janet Jackson dance number), Dirty Dancing (who didn't replay this a million times), Sleeping Beauty, and would mimic the dance (perfectly executed in my head, maybe 20% accurate in reality, especially since my dance partner tended to be a three foot futon cushion :)  So as I journey to a more HealthFULL life I am living my dream, in a distance land so far away known as my living room.  So bring on the Bellydancing, Bollywood, and let's Holla for Hula!

  May your journey lead you closer to your dreams and bring Health to a FULL circle in your life. 'Til we meet again. . .

Double Dose

Rough morning start. There are a few sounds in the world that you just dread the result. I was in another room when I heard the coughing sound, that guttural cough from our dog that you want to hustle her to the outside. I was stuck and knew I wouldn't get there in time. So with trepidation I rounded the corner. Nothing. I didn't see anything. Do you know what is worse than finding the surprise after that sound, finding nothing. So I continued my search. Hmm. . . Well I don't remember planting that pile of grass in our living room, oh right that's the surprise. Blech! Always fun to clean up such a present first thing in the morning. I then was trying to squeeze in a work-out (even though I lost some time). My plans were to return my previous DVDs to the library as I was already overdue but wanted to Bollywood at least one more time. It was still as fun as the first time. How funny that even a second attempt I could already notice the improvement. Some of the steps were easier and still makes me giggle to feed the chickens and gorilla walk. And then it is time to head off to work. I started my day with water which was my food victory. Work happened and then I hit the library after buying some fresh produce. As we have been out of town we were sorely lacking fresh veggies and fruit. (another victory). At the library I traded my excercise DVDs for two new ones. Even though I had already worked out for the day I had to do a double dose. I was so excited to try out one of the programs as it was yoga for mommy and baby. I was so pumped. I was thinking "what a bonding experience this will be for me and my little guy". The DVD wasn't quite what I anticipated. I wasn't strong enough for some of the moves and might have been more willing to try but I was terrified of dropping my lil one. Much better to be safe than sorry. There were a couple of moves that brought my son to giggles and I will take that any day of the week. I feel that this might be more fun as a group in a class setting (which is what the video was). But I will probably try this at least one more time with my guy for future ideas to bond and giggle and help improve health (especially mommy's :) Then it was time for a bottle for my lil' one and he is going through a phase. The I drink just a little more than what I share by spitting it back up all over everyone. What a fun phase. That's how I usually respond "How fun!" (Not always in the sweetest tone, but I do try to share a smile. But seriously one can only smell like sour formula so often before patience runs thin. ) Ahh what a day of doubles, and clean up to start my morning and clean up to end the evening. "How fun!" (with a smile :) May your HealthFULL Journey include double doses of the good stuff. 'Til we meet again. . .