How would you spend your last 24 hours?

If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. 

So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.  -- Romans 14:8



 

 

Ho! Ho! Ho! mixed with a little Bah! Humbug! and a teensy bit of "It's the End of the World as We know it!" set to music.  Once again the Christmas season snuck into my life.  I need snow!!! This Southern no snow surrounding plays tricks on my mind that there is loads of extra time.  It is 12-22-12 (and four minutes) as I write this blog.  Which means I am still here and hope the rest of the world is doing as well :) These last couple of days my hubby and I are trying to squeeze in as much of the holiday spirit as we can as most households we have been experiencing colds, bugs, viruses, and just the yucky mean germs.  I have been scrubbing surfaces with one hand and blowing my nose with the other.  And then I looked at the calendar and either the world was supposed to end or I had less than three days to decorate, send out christmas cards, enjoy the holiday, and shop and wrap like there is no tomorrow!  No problem! 

 

We put up our tree while our little two year old slept snugly in his bed and I wish I had taped his reaction.  It was priceless - Speech Therapy is doing wonders as we actually had a spontaneous conversation - a limited vocabulary but he definitely led the topics ;)  And slowly as the week progresses the ornaments are moving farther North on the tree, inch by inch,  I am surprised it is still standing as there is so much weight to the top and none on the bottom :)  I also insisted on Tuesday that we go out and have some Christmas fun and to look at a Christmas Tree festival where local businesses and organizations sponsor and decorate trees.  So many fun themes - my favorites include a snowman, an angel, Wizard of Oz tree, and Special Needs Awareness.  Beautiful and creative and FREE!  What a fun way to find some cheer. 

 

So my question "How would you spend your last 24 hours?" (Obviously assuming you know its your last day.)  This also is predictable around the 12-21-12 date but it was a question I asked my youth Sunday School class last week.  It was my attempt to wrangle in the conversation and facilitate around my point.  However, I was expecting similar answers to mine - something low key with family and friends to just spend time with those we love.  I forgot how teenagers think.  There may or may not have included an answer of peeing off the Eiffel Tower.  And I may or may not have pointed out half your day would be spent traveling encouraging a new answer that only changed the building not the activity.  I also may or may not have had a youth say they would do all of the crazy (good or bad) events they have always wanted to try and spend the last hour in confession to be forgiven.  I appreciated the desire to be absolved but again was looking for time with those we cherish.  But it was their choice and I appreciate their feedback (at least they're talking is the silver lining :)  

 

Also to be fair I was on my third dose of cough medicine mixed with pain relievers/fever reducer and a combination of not such good sleep.  It is hard to be enthusiastic when in the back of your mind you are counting down to climbing back into bed.  But I think that question has hung with me all week.  How do I want to spend my time? I knew the people (my husband and son) and everyone else I love is bonus :)   And though I was 99.9% sure I would see 12-22-12 and many days after I certainly didn't want to miss a special moment with my family.  We have been rushing around like crazy because of the holidays, changes we've made in our household, and just my anxious personality that doesn't want to miss a thing!  My hubby gave me permission the other night as I stood and complained of being overwhelmed.  He gave me permission to just play with my son - to forget the chores/duties/whatever other events were bogging down my spirit.  He encouraged me to have fun and enjoy this precious time.  So today we did.  We admired the tree, we colored, we played fort, we tickled, we giggled, we sung, we ran errands (which got a bit tense) but we brought our dog which pleased my son and puppy to no end :)  And then when my hubby got home we popped some popcorn and watched a Mickey's Twice Upon a Christmas which my son was glued to the television.  He agreed to snuggle because I agreed to sit on the floor.  We then went to a live nativity at our church which is amazing!  My son was so excited to see a real camel.  We then told him he could pet it and he took four steps back shaking his head no!  We walked the town, signed the census, saw the shops, and heard some stories. But at the end we saw the Holy Family and heard the angel's message and then heard my own angel sum up the event with a "hee haw" at the donkey and pointed to the star of Bethlehem - telling us to "Look!" "Look!"  We grabbed a cookie for the road and drove around looking at Christmas Lights.  We all agreed on a house that was both beautifully decorated and gorgeous and Drew's approval to live there.  I am guessing it only costs 1.1 million ;)   Kind of out of the stay at home mom's budget but who knows - miracles happen every day :)  We picked up chinese food on the way home - our bug-a-boo went to bed with no fuss.  It really was the way I would like to spend my last 24 hours -  Creating memories with my loved ones, remembering and honoring my Savior's birth, a little bit of indulgence and dreaming, and feeling warmed by the magic of Christmas (Hope, Love, Joy, Peace).

 

May your HealthFULL Journey leave you Feeling Unbelievable and Loving Life as you ponder, enjoy, and cherish this Christmas Season.  May you know the Reason for the Season and may you feel surrounded by love. 'Til we meet again. . . 



A Step of Faith

Peter answered him, "Lord if it is you, command me to come to you on the water."

He said, "Come." So Peter got out of the boat,

started walking on the water, and came toward Jesus. --Matthew 14:28-29

When we have faith and by the power of God we too can walk on water.



The world can be scary and anxiety ridden.  If you watch the news on tv or read headlines you can spot how the world wants to shock us and sometimes downright frighten us.  But even when we are exposed daily to criminal statistics and the declining numbers of the economy we sometimes have to dig deep and hang tight to our faith and share our joy.  I work for a good company who has treated me well and supported me in ways I couldn't even imagine.  This was the perfect job for me when I started as I needed a quiet place to heal.  I had collected hurts and wore grief like a sweater.  I needed a job with enough responsibility to keep me focused and busy and protected from too many demands that could and would hinder the healing process.  However,  I have felt the stirring that this job is not my final calling.  And again I cannot stress how great many of my co-workers have been over the years. 

God gives us each gifts.  Gifts that will bring us joy as they fulfill the desires of our hearts that he planted when we were first created.  He allows us the opportunity to serve Him and glorify him with our talents.  I now feel it is time to develop other talents of mine before they get snuffed out.  Its scary though to leave the comforts of a company that I have known for six years.  It is especially frightening to leave a job of any type especially one with some nice benefits and enough money to help with those monthly bills when so many people are looking.  Logically, this is the time to hunker down until the unemployed storm passes.  But faith isn't about being comfortable. Because  stepping out in faith rarely includes a safety net.  And having faith and being logical aren't always synonymous. 

So, today I took a step of faith - I turned in my resignation letter.  There is one part of me that wants to cling to the boat - its safe, its comfortable, and most invitingly; its familiar.  But the major part of me is so excited to see what is happening outside this boat and to feel the water under my feet if it be God's will to grant me the chance to walk on water.  I have a summer job lined up as I will spend the majority of my summer with the most fabulous kids in the world.  In my heart I feel this will be a summer I treasure forever as I get the opportunity to view the world from six children's eyes - ages ranging from nineteen months to thirteen years old. 

Another gift I look forward to living - I get to live as one of my daydream figures.  I always thought I could make a pretty great nanny.  Here's my chance to not just imagine this thought; but to actually live the dream.  The saying goes - Our regrets are not the mistakes we make in life but the chances we never take.

You may be wondering where is the step of faith?  You already have a job.  And not only a job but a dream job that you have waited to try for years.  The faith is that I know I am giving up my "comfy" seat at an office that I have been a part of for the past six years to enjoy nine weeks of the summer dream.  Because then school starts and the job disappears.  I know a lot can happen in almost three months.  I know that it is silly to worry that far in the future.  But I also know there are realists who are screaming stay put because nine weeks goes too fast and there are people who have been seeking jobs for two years. 

But with peace in my heart and joy bubbling from within I am stepping out of the boat because I feel with every fiber in my body Jesus called and said "Come".  So I step.  Walk with me and if you have time I could use an extra prayer or two.  A prayer to stay faithful because "worry" likes to nibble at the toes.  A prayer to stay present so that I can remain patient, involved, and be blessed as six children share their excitement and frustrations.  And last a prayer for God's will when fall comes and that whatever the next step of faith is that I once again can clearly hear "Come" (a smooth transition would be a great bonus :) .

May your HealthFULL Journey reveal those precious opportunities where a step of faith may be nerve-racking but so exhilarating.  'Til we meet again. . .



March for Babies One - by - One Hurrah!

Resting in the NICU

We marched as a family for our Early Bugs at this year's March for Babies this past Saturday.  Do you have flashbacks?  Those smells, those sounds, those pictures that in tv land make everything go swirly as you reattach to your past.  The memories flow from your heart to your brain and you've faded from the present world.  No longer do you hear the radio, the tv, or even the person sitting three feet away.  You are busy living in the past.  I bundled my memories of the NICU into a little present and rarely open the package.  Its overwhelming.  Maybe I am a tish scared, a bit angry, and yet overwhelmed with love and gratitude and feeling blessed. 

My sister-in-law made a fabulous t-shirt of my niece (born at 24 1/2 weeks and 1 lb. 6 oz) and my son (born at 29 weeks and 3 lb 11 oz.).  The t-shirt had them sitting next to each other at his baptism and then side by side a picture of each of them within the first few hours of their life which means they were in the NICU.  The sight of them side by side overloaded my heart as memories of their first days, weeks, months rushed through my thoughts.  So many emotions rocked through my body and the only release was tears. 

The NICU (neo-natal intensive care unit) is like another world.  You are buzzed into this semi lit huge room after scrubbing your arms down and as the doors shut all of the "world" problems - bills, politics, relationships, duties, chores, responsibilities tend to disappear.  There is no nice fade - out they just don't matter.  What matters is that tiny tiny person teaching all of us the importance, the challenge, the blessings, and the love that exists in that precious moment.  The beeps in the outside world that would drive me CRAZY with annoyance.  But here in the special world of the NICU - offer reassurance because they are telling us the answers all about our son to our questions that he can't ever answer.  Its a world where nurses tend to have one to two patients as there are so many needs to fill because the patients are so fragile.  And the best reward is when you are allowed to hold your child.  There are so many fears (germs, oxygen levels, blood pressure, pulse, weight, feeding, R.O.P. and the list rattles on forever) but when that permission is granted and you can just bond with your child as you dreamed of upon learning the news you were going to be a parent.  Your heart bursts and your body fills with warmth and the world goes quiet.  I never take a cuddle with my son for granted. 

He's doing amazing.  And his journey was less chaotic than so many of his roommates.  Its why we still support the March of Dimes as a family.  We know that the research is teaching us about ways to prevent prematurity and other birth defects and also to guide us to protect and provide for those that are born with a challenge.  I don't know what its like to leave the NICU and know your child won't see their nursery that you lovingly planned and set up.  But I pray for these parents who do. 

Our Early Bugs!!!

We walked as a family over 10000 steps (according to my pedometer).  We raised $625.00 of our $750.00 goal (you can still donate at www.marchforbabies.org/team/t1731408 if you would like to help us reach it or even better SURPASS our goal).  We took pictures and we spent time walking side by side and being grateful for two preamature babies who are running us ragged as toddlers.  And all of us couldn't be more delighted!

May your HealthFULL Journey swirl in with those precious memories that remind you where you've been and motivates you to healthier choices of your future journey FULL of Health.

'Til we meet again. . .

And then there was Sunshine

Its hard to remember the warmth and the light of the sun when you are caught in a dark threatening thunderstorm.  Its frustrating to feel trapped and that any and every step will get you drenched or put you at risk.  And then the rain stops, the lightening and thundering fade, and clouds part and there it is -the sun; bright and ready to shine.

I get the momentum and everything is clicking on the healthfull journey and then lightening storms pop up.  Colds and their icky symptoms flood our household.  We throw away our routines on vacation.  And the locomotive of health stops in its tracks and retreats.  I tried really hard to stay on track with at least being active on our vacation.  We didn't even go to the beach and still played outside.  This has not always been true for us.  But we found two awesome playgrounds to have our whole family engaged.  But as I admitted I ate the opposite of healthy in New Orleans - but their food is so good and rich (if you choose their delicious sauces and such - and I DID!).  So I kept up with half of the healthy lifestyle.  Well before I corrected my eating habits - I got hit with the big old cold that drains energy and had me walking less and less....and less!  And the eating not improving so I started to feel threatened that I would never catch my locomotive of health.  So with purpose and thought I would dig in my heels and force myself baby steps.  I am back drinking soda but not the three - four cans a day.  I bought Coke Zero in 7.5 oz can.  And I am trying to allow myself up to one a day.  1 and half days in and I have had two.  So we'll see.  I got myself back to walking after a couple of days rest for the cold.  And I felt the break I took as I attempted our big hill and started pushing myself mentally mailbox to mailbox (there are eight on one side of the big hill :)   And today I ran a couple of quick errands.  The two both could be ran via drive thru.  Because its convenient I tend to use this advantage.  But I figured this is an easy extra two hundred steps I can choose to take.  The world is making it easier and easier to be lazy.  We have to make a commitment to make decisions to be active in our own lives.  Don't get me wrong that I will NEVER again use a drive -thru but when I have time then I need to remind myself this is a choice I can make to add years to my life by taking three extra minutes here and now. 

Its easy to get lost in those dark clouds.  But I promise you if you seek the sunshine you will eventually see past those threatening clouds. 

"A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit." - Proverbs 15:13

May your heart and body be healed on your own HealthFULL Journey when you seek the SONshine and that His light and warmth protect you from those threatening dark cloud kind of days. 'Til we meet again. . .

Tresses that were full of Stresses

Oh when I put on my Supermom Jeans I felt powerful and energetic.  After cutting my hair I felt like a brand-new woman!!! The tresses had to go.  I haven't had a proper haircut in two years, maybe a quick trim - two at the most.  That's a lot of time and a lot of damaged hair that held too many stresses.  My hair was the longest it had ever been.  As a society I believe we have taught many people that long hair usually equals a pretty factor.  That there is pride in our locks and it shows we have willpower and patience to grow out our hair.  Or people like me who just don't get around to the hairdresser.  Believe me this haircut is long overdue and been on the to-do list for at least six months.  My poor fantastic hubby patiently listened to every one of my complaints, whines, outbursts about this too long of hair.  He listened as I yakked about how I pulled my hair (accidentally) and my son pulled on my hair (for sport), how the chairs would tug my hair and I would wake-up with headaches as I continually gave myself whiplash as I would roll over my hair and then try to pull my head up.  Argh!  And finally it was time.  I called, I made an appointment and slashed it off my to do list.  The stylist cut my hair within five minutes of my arrival and as soon as that scissor snipped my hair - angels sang and I smiled the mega-watt smile. 

Because it wasn't just hair she cut.  She helped my de-stress the tresses.  That hair held heartache and worry as I would run my hands through my hair as I sang and whispered to my son in the NICU so many months ago.  Those abandoned strands held pain and frustration as I tugged it into a messy bun after my hair being pulled yet again by one of the many sources.  Those locks were loaded with guilt as I hid my face behind them in hopes to fade away from the world.  There were some dark moments these last two years and those hairs held every memory of sadness, every second of anger, and every instance of worry.  It held no joy because I keep that in my heart :)  But the tresses were stressed and therefore became more stress.

Last night I slept like a baby as I drifted into the land of slumber roughly nine o'clock.  Which is crazy unheard of behavior from me.  Which meant I woke up early with energy.  Not anger or frustration at the early rising but well rested and headache free.  I was able to be at my daily goal of seven thousand steps before ten am as I had a work-out with the Bollywood Burn (newest dvd from the library ) and yes it did burn.  I haven't worked-out besides walking in far too long of time.  Good time to mix things up since I was a brand new me :)  Then unto a walk with one of my favorite guys and canine :)  Then for an encore this afternoon I was back to raking.  I did a small section with my supermom jeans but without my stressful tresses I was able to conquer 2/3 of the yard.  Yay! 

Hair does tell a story.  I love how a seasoned hair stylist can read your lifestyle by the state of your tresses.  As we were deciding on cut and color (as I felt two years without a haircut meant there was room to splurge :)  my stylist mentioned how I could pull off a lighter blonde as I had light hair as a kid.  I did.  But I thought that shade was long gone but she knew.  She could tell how many countless tugs of ponytails and buns my hair experienced.  But my hair was telling a different story that I no longer wanted to co-author.  My tresses were displaying all my stresses and resentment and hurt and on and on.  But these days I have a pep to my step and a sappy to my happy :)  It was time to share that story with the world.  Thank you tresses for being a long for the ride - but in the nicest way possible - GOOD RIDDANCE!

May your HealthFULL Journey eliminate the stresses,  polish the tresses, and make you feel like a more joyful energized brand new version of yourself. 'Til we meet again. . .

Living means to be Aware.

This post was originally to be titled "Minty Fresh" and that the herb Mint was our new produce of the week.  I thought about sharing how we used it with lamb.  Considered doing light research on the computer about the benefits of adding fresh herbs to meals.  But then life happened and I realized Mint was no longer on my thoughts but the importance of being aware seemed to be smacking me in the face.

Currently our house is in upheaval.  My wonderful hubby is off on a retreat which I will be taking one myself soon.  This leaves us separated for a couple of days at a time.  We tend to be those couples that do a lot together.  So this is a little surreal.  We split parenting duties - a lot!!!! In the last day I have found myself communicating with his ghost.  Alright you pour the milk and I'll grab the boy and change his diaper.  And how rude, I return and no one has poured the milk!  When I need to tag-team out of responsibility for just a three minute sit down.  There is no partner to tag and our delightful toddling son only sees my weakness as his advantage.  Isn't it funny how much more we aware of a person or an object when they go missing? 

I also wanted to write from this present mind as I am doing okay healthfull journey wise today.  I am not being super fit and super healthy but I also am not doing horrible and moping on the couch  (maybe a small part of myself would love to be a couch potato :)  I  ate not the best choices today.  But I did walk over 12000+ steps today.  I had two slow days this week around 5000 steps.  The rest right at 7000 steps.  But I made myself  AWARE of how many steps I took today as the day progressed.  For most of the day I made myself get up and walk around or jog at least 1000 steps each hour.  This helped keep me moving, but not to an impossible standard.  That is less than fifteen minutes every hour of just moving.  It didn't have to be working out and sweating (though there were spurts as I looked at the clock and saw I had less than ten minutes to add 700 steps :) . 

I got some cleaning done today which helps me feel energetic.  When we bog ourselves down with a guilt - laden to - do list it drags us down and drains our energy. At least I am AWARE of this phenomenon for myself.  By clearing items off the list for the weekend I feel more available to my son, to myself (tell me I am not alone on withholding pleasures because chores are unfinished - a quiet hour of reading, an indulgent bathtub, a decadent dessert?) and to life.  I feel stronger, more energetic, more sane, organized, accomplished which leads to confident, and frees up my spirit to be playful.  Crazy how items that take as little as ten minutes steal moments, hours, days from my life because I procrastinate, whine, and sometimes just plain ignore the situation. 

Another  moment of AWAREness is how awesome that a regular everyday kind of day can be life - altering.  Sometimes, this is not an awesome realization, but can be that kind of moment where your heart pounds in anticipation, how your mind begins to overwork the gears at the infinite possibilities, and how just for a moment you are lost in the surprise.  Because sometimes if you are willing and AWARE life decides to sparkle in the simplest of pleasures - child goes to sleep, an old friend drops you a note, a book has an inspiring quote, or you just stop; breathe in, breathe out - and realize you are beyond blessed.

May your HealthFULL Journey help you gain awareness of your surroundings and the blessings that already glimmer in your life.  'Til we meet again. . .

12 Resolutions for the 12 months of 2012

Well this has been quite a journey and it still continues.  You think you found the perfect path and then you hit a dead end, a crazy detour, or get lost and end up back in the same spot.  So you turn back to your trusty compass and gaze at your map.  Circle the paths that were working and figure out a new route.  There is no time better than the present.  Today is the first day of the new year.  And rumor has it the end of the world is nearing.  If that be true I want to leave as the best version of myself.  Of course with my Christian belief the Bible states (my paraphrase follows) that we don't know what hour our Master will return - so basically, let's get to work and do it now.  So if this journey is to be FULL of Health that means my goals should be all encompassing, a little physical, a little mental, emotional, spiritual, you get it, it should be for the whole picture so lets count em down.  12 goals for the next twelve months in this fabulous year of 2012.

12.  Lose 102 pounds.  The weight isn't my number one priority but it is a goal.  It is an unusual number.  I like even stevens usually a bold hundred a perfect ten.  But 102 pounds would bring me to 178 pounds.  I have never seen that number on a scale in my adult life.  179 is the lowest number I have seen and it was when I was nineteen - twenty years old.  So let's eliminate decade within a year.  Its a daunting number but attainable - pound by pound.  It also means I have lost nine pounds since this journey started 2 1/2 years ago.  But also in that time I did gain a total of forty one pounds (mostly pregnancy related) so in actuality I've lost fifty pounds again. So we'll keep on the downstreak!

11.  Another physical thing is to continue the new produce or grain once a week.  This helps make a game out of eating healthy and stretching the horizons of what we imagine we could eat, should eat, and would eat.  This allows 52 opportunities to consume a variety of vitamins and minerals in combinations we wouldn't otherwise know.

10.  The perfect ten has to go to cooking myself at least twice a week.  And not just cooking but learning a new recipe at least one of those two times but hopefully twice.  This enables me to take more control of my health.  It will help me not get caught in the trap of helplessness, boredom, or being overwhelmed by all the life matters we can't control. 

9.  To round out my physical improvements means I need movement.  Documented exercise.  I want to work out thirty minutes five days a week.  But even more specifically to cover at least 366 miles this year of walking.  I will count walking as part of my exercise during the week.  But it would be awesome on those days I can count it as a bonus.  That means one mile a day.  Let's pound some pavement or at least some carpet!

8.  I need to be more charitable.  It is time to research some charities.  And to be more consistent in giving and less about the taking, demanding, and whining.  My goal is to donate to at least one charity every month: whether it be time, money, or donated goods.  There are a lot of people who are doing amazing things to help those who need the extra hand.   My soul thirsts to be more like a servant as I have ignored the calling several times.

7.  Speaking of the Call.  It is time to reconnect in a stronger fashion with God.  I plan to read the Bible in one year's time and to take true meditative time with God on a daily basis (not just in times of distress which is too common for me).  God is blessed me with too much that I have taken for granted too often. 

6.  Another calling  - what next?  I finished my B.A. this year which feels pretty darn good to mark that of the to - do list.  It waited for nine years but it is crossed off.  But now I have to figure out what's next?  A new vocation?  Start a business?  Attain a masters?  Lots of ideas but no true road map.  Time to get research done and by 2013 working towards the next great challenge.

5.  Let's get creative.  This may be my favorite goal.  I love to be creative and playful.  Each month I am going to learn either a new skill or build upon a creative process.  This might mean taking a class to learn how to do pottery.  This may mean picking up  a how to learn a new language.  This might mean trying out for a play.  Perhaps I establish a routine to write fiction/poetry.  But it is time to get the juices flowing and the heart pumping.  It will feel good to awaken that part of me once again.

4.  Time to ...I even feel anxious typing this. Time to Socialize more.   I tend to lead a hermit lifestyle.  In the past I used to have people demanding jobs that I was pretty good at.  But I tend to get easily connected emotionally to people and it would zap a lot of my energy.  Other people's dramas, creating my own drama, and then stressing that I wasn't helping enough or that I wasn't capable to do more and I had a rough year that I shut down.  I lost 10 people close to me in one year.  All different levels of intimacy and relations, some were sudden some were expected.  And these deaths were sandwiched between my mother in law being diagnosed with cancer (a survivor of 8+ years Amen!) and my own mother's diagnosis of cancer (a survivor of 7+ years - another Amen!) and in that time I quit college (nothing to due with what has already been mentioned I just didn't know where I was going or what I wanted at 22), got married (to the most amazing man in the world and still my best friend), moved, and started my first salaried position where forty-four people's lives were under my care. That was all in one year and also in that one year I gained seventy pounds.   Sooooo yeah I kind of needed a break from people, responsibility, and instead of taking a break I kind of just shut down.  So its time to wake up and get out.  So I plan to have at least one extra outing a month not just family or work related.  For some that sounds super easy but this may be one of the hardest areas for me to stretch.  (and in honesty if I try a class or group activity - I'm counting it!)

3.  Budget - I don't like to budget: not money, not calories, not time.  I like to be spontaneous, at least I say that.  But really it is another way to say I don't like to be controlled or pressured or to stick to rules.  It crushes my freedom, it suffocates the spirit of fun.  But not really I just allow myself to feel that.  We all can use a cushion for "those days" and if you have read my blog I tend to have a lot of out of those blue kinds of experiences.  So my hubby and I are going to sit down and comb through expenses and start true rainy day funds and not just talk about it.  Blech! My stomach is already churning.

2. Time to organize the chaos.  Some people are naturally gifted in completing tasks in a timely manner, keeping things together, and just letting objects gleam in cleanliness.  I am not one of those people.  I try hard to have routines that keep me and my family being swallowed up by household clutter and try to designate areas for those have to grab items.  But it is a challenge. I am going to do a thorough cleaning (this is not the weekly or daily cleaning necessary to keep the household moving - laundry, dishes, vacuuming, ect.) in every area of our house once a month and each week take an hour to truly organize (actually create an address book, gather recipes that we enjoy in one spot, designate locations for important papers - declutter the filing cabinet).   

1.  The big number one is to truly be grateful within each and every day.   To count a blessing every day. Hopefully this will take down the stress but more importantly remind me that it truly is a wonderful life and that all of us are granted a gift of life on a daily basis.

May your 2012 be a chance to let go of what brings you down and to welcome all that builds you up. 'Til we meet again. . .

The Broken Umbrella

Oh if my life was a movie this week... cue into the closing scene where a woman walks down the sidewalk in front of her office building with a bounce in her step and a giggle on her lips.  Now if this truly was a movie the woman would be 5' 11" just over a hundred pounds in a gorgeous trench coat- fantastic make-up and perfectly coiffed hair possibly a french twist, mega watt smile with a confident stride and the background a slight sprinkle of rain with a touch of sunlight.  But before we go into the fade back let's really examine the final scene.  Because this blog isn't a movie but about my real  HealthFULL journey on how I can Fully Understand Life by Living which means there are lots of these moments.  Here is the true final scene: A heavy set woman, no make-up, a quick ponytail, an awkward pace to her gait, and a giggle bordering between hysteria or tears, with an open broken umbrella and a gloomy gray sky with spurts of wind. Now the choices that lead into this scene.

Its Monday because this is real life and real life seems to come together harshly this particular time of the week.  We are approaching wintertime here in the South and instead of facing a harsh blizzard we tend to see a lot of drizzly depressing rainy days.  This would be one of those days.  I hate driving the truck in rain.  The accelerator tends to stick when it gets a little chilly and the automatic truck pretends it is a bucking bronco. Not fun!  But as I pull into our parking lot - wait for it I actually have an umbrella on me.  This is news because for seven years of our marriage - my husband and I did not own a single umbrella.  But I now own one that matches my purse.  Fancy I know!  My hubby calls it my little umbrella and I love it...or I did, but I am getting ahead of myself.

Work begins and time passes.  The minutes tick down and the clock is nearing break time.  Oh I so have the Monday blahs.  Its cold out and rainy.  No walk I pout, stomp, and whine I don't wanna.  But don't want to do something doesn't mean I can't.  That I am physically unable.  And I realized that as an adult I can't give into my teenage rebellion or even my child-like tantrum just because I don't feel it.  Sometimes we have to weigh our wants vs. our goals vs. our needs.  I didn't want to walk but after my high blood sugar reading (the highest I have had in over a month) I needed to walk and that my goal is to lead a healthier lifestyle.  Well grab the umbrella because we are going for a walk : sunshine, rain, or snow pull on the tennis shoes we're hitting the pavement.  Did I have other options then walking outside?  Absolutely!  I could have walked the steps in our five story building (they are bit daunting and creepy).  I also could have stretched in my cubicle for fifteen minutes but who wants to create that kind of scene.  No I'll take my cute little umbrella and walk.

It felt good the first break.  There is something about the smell of rain that is energizing as everything is refreshed.  The confidence building as I did something good for myself and I didn't even want to do it.  But I dug deep and accomplished my goal.  Its that first step willing to embrace the activity, isn't it.  I convinced myself go outside.  If you only walk once around the building so be it.  But my body craved movement and once the first step happened it was easier to follow it with 1500 more.  Great first break.

The day continues on and the afternoon break looms before me.  I silently debate my options.  I already had fifteen minutes under my belt.  Do I really have to commit another fifteen in the rain?  Yes because I knew I was working late, when I get home I will be exhausted and on mommy/wife time.   So if I wanted to get my full thirty minutes in for the day this would most likely be my last shot.  Plus it really was refreshing the first break.  Grab my tennis shoes and adorable umbrella one more time.  Hmm...the grayness seems a little darker.  The wind has picked up a little speed and an extra chill as I sink a little deeper into my coat.  One time around the building done.  I am feeling a shot of pride, a bounce in my step as my confidence grows and as I am too busy applauding myself a lot happens.  I notice the wind is picking up my umbrella and flinging it around.  I see one of the spokes has bent and then one final gust pulls the umbrella out of my hand as I simultaneously trip over the sidewalk.  (The same sidewalk that I have walked numerous times all of a sudden has a crack that raises three inches off the ground just enough for my shoe to catch it and stub my toe).  I lose the umbrella to the ground as I stumble three steps forward bracing myself for the inevitable fall and side step my umbrella (I don't want to break it) and the wind carries my friend away into the street into upcoming traffic as I twirl to catch both my balance and in a half-hearted attempt to catch my little umbrella.  I watch in horror as a SUV comes racing down (or driving normal speed)  bee-line towards my umbrella and I wondered if there was any possible way my umbrella could be spared and if not; Can an open umbrella hurt a moving SUV?  There was something child-like as I wanted to race into the street and save my priced possession like a child does their ball.  But miracles of miracles the umbrella is spared.  I grab the umbrella and race to safety.  As I turn the final corner towards my office building.  It was like I was not only in a movie but a cartoon as I look up into my umbrella.  As I gaze upwards one spoke (not the bent one) drops into two pieces.  I try to close the umbrella to see the damage and there is one side that sticks out now with the two pieced spoke and the bent spoke and I do the only thing that seems natural.  I giggle at my blessed misfortune.  Yes I tripped.  I lost my umbrella.  And my umbrella broke.  But I walked for thirty minutes.  I actually had a working umbrella for 28 of those minutes.  My umbrella did not get run over (and I didn't have to pay for any damage towards an expensive looking SUV).  And though I tripped, I didn't fall nor sustain any true injury. Well a little bruise to the pride as I was beginning to think I was all that and a bag of chips.  But a near fall and a broken umbrella bring me back to reality.  So Broken Umbrella thank you for the memories, the lessons, and the humility.

May your HealthFULL Journey be full of opportunities that lift you up and catch you when you fall. 'Til we meet again. . . 

Stupid Pothole!

You've seen 'em.  But have you fallen trap to the potholes in your life?  I am talking figuratively and literally here.  It has been two weeks and the real life pothole I hit still haunts me and my car.  With the holiday season I feel I am hitting a lot of potholes.  I have tried to throw on a smile, count my blessings, and hope for better.  But sometimes you need a moment to acknowledge and even yell at the pothole.  The pothole caused me stress in several ways.  I was driving to work early.  Which right there tends to not work in my favor.  We had been told to come in an hour and half late.  I figured I could at least be on time if not a tish early.  I am driving down the interstate.  Go to switch lanes as I am not a right lane driver.  And as I begin to accelerate to switch lanes, I check my blind spot only to turn in enough time to see my car is about to hit a huge pothole.  I have enough time to tense my body and see the pothole but not enough to react.  Ker-PLUNK.  Oh no.  Please Onyx the Smokemobile be okay.  Please.  PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE!  Okay all tires still moving three seconds past the kerplunk.   Maybe just maybe I can breathe normally again.  Oh no here comes the exclamation point light with a loud series of beeps.  This means my car is upset with my choice and needs pronto care.  I have accepted in this world there are three topics that my brain does not compute.  I have accepted and try to avoid the topics.  You can use kindergarten language and I will not comprehend possibly my ignorance, possibly my stubbornness.  Those three topics are : Directions (I married a human compass), Computers(Ironic as I do data entry for my job), and Cars (sad because I have had lots of car problems in my lifetime).  So when my car yells at me.  I pull over on the INTERSTATE.  Because this doesn't happen on a nice quiet suburb street with speed limits of 25 mph.  But where the speed limit is 60 and you know people are passing me at 80 mph easily.  I scoot over my car seat to examine my tires.  What am I looking for?  I have no idea.  A huge gash, I touch the tires firmness, kick a few and climb back into my car to call my husband and cry.  This is how I handle car problems.  I used to call my dad but now with my mature age I call my spouse.  I am thinking of any way in the world he could handle this problem and I could be on my way to work.  In less than a year I have had to call my work and explain my abscence/tardiness on car problems at least three maybe four times.  All true.  But still how understanding can my company be?   But my hubby convinces me to put on my big girl britches and get the car to the tire place.  However with my crying and procrastinating the tire has begun to leak.  I now officially have a flat tire as I find out as I start driving on the interstate.  I beg for the car to hold on.  As I slowly descend on the front driver side.  As I wait at the stop light at the first available exit ramp where the tire place is located I feel my car slowly shift down.  Even a fellow driver lowers his window to offer his expertise that my tire is indeed flat.  I nod with my teary eyes and he thumbs ups me.  Good I am glad our exchange has warranted a thumbs up.  I felt like a hand gesture as well but as I had a death grip on the steering wheel in determined prayer and hope that the car will just last to the car place.  I reach my destination (thank you GPS for your assistance).  I grab my tire consultant.  He escorts me to my car and asks if I was using my spare but he was able to answer his own question.  Thank goodness as my eyes already moisten over with my lack of knowledge.  Did I just hurt my tire which we have a lifetime guarnantee as we have had three nails in the tire issue again in under a year (thanks neighbors for all getting your roofs redone!)  Oh no I damaged two rims pretty severely and as they can't match the rims exactly we might want to purchase four new rims.  Oh goody.  Stupid pothole!  He helps me and in ten days the tires worked well.  I was a little late for work but life went on.  But starting Thanksgiving.  We hear this rubbing, colliding, tumbling sound from the rear tire.  We take it in to the tire shop not once but twice.  The experts hear nothing.  To me and my husband it sounds like we are about to lose the wheel on left handed turns and big bumps in the road.  I could probably drive it to work but I am opting for the older truck (1995 vs 2008).  I don't think work would appreciate a fourth call pertaining to vehichle issues.  And I am not willing to risk my safety on two different interstates with the mystery sound.  Stupid pothole!    So you have hear my literal pothole issue. 

Let's discuss those figurative potholes.  Those food temptations that are too powerful to ignore.  Those emotional triggers that cause rash reactions.  Those stressful issues that overload positive actions.  Those demanding unexpected bills that require as much attention as the routine bills.  And illness that renders daily schedules and lists useless.  I have recently dealt with a cold but what was even more demanding of attention was my son's illness.  My poor li'l guy.  It's official he has dealt with his first illness and it was a doozy.  A rising temp nearing a 104 degrees F (I was terrified as I touched the back of his neck and it burnt my hand), an ear infection, bronchialitis with major congestion and trouble keeping his milk down.  Like I said poor guy.  With my cold and my pothole I was mustering through what I could.  But shut down the world when my son got sick.  He gained my whole attention and everything else faded into the background.  Another pothole. 

Things are improving and thankfully my son is rebounding well.  I have been beating myself up over the backward steps and the non movement forward on my healthfull journey.  Playing the scenarios in my head of different choices I could have made in attempt of missing the potholes.  Sure I could have missed some of them but in return I might have hit others even harder.  I have to remind myself.  The potholes happened. They can't be erased and more will appear.  I can try to swerve but sometimes they can't be avoided.  We have to deal with the repercussions and only once the mess is contained and handled can we press forward once again.  So slowly I am evaluating my position.  How many steps backward did I take?  And how quickly can I get back to the journey? 

May your healthFULL journey contain few potholes.  But when it does I pray that you will gain strength, wisdom, and that you remain as unharmed as possible.  'Til we meet again . . .

Temptation knocks the door down!

We've all heard the expression that we need to be careful because opportunity only knocks once.  But let me tell you temptation knocks the door down with you behind it.  In other words, temptation does not disappear.  I fell hard this weekend.  First you need to know that I did whip up four dozen cupcakes - two different flavors with two different HOMEMADE frostings for my son's first birthday. My baby is one!!! And yes I still call him my baby - we discussed it and agreed that on the eve of his eighteenth birthday we will discuss if he can still be called my baby boy (and I am pretty sure I will veto his answer :)    We had yellow cake with cream cheese frosting which made our goalpost and then milk chocolate cupcakes with truffle frosting then made up our football (if you caught the colors were black and gold in our version - Geaux Saints and please don't mention the Rams we are still licking our wounds!) Oh this truffle frosting gave me a fight but I saw opportunity and I wasn't going to let my team down.  You are suppose to not stir the mixture (against my better judgement and instinct) after you add the chocolate chunks to whipping cream and let it cool overnight.  The next morning I had cream sitting on top of my seized chocolate.  I could have thrown in the towel but I gave it a go. I reheated my chocolate double boiler style which makes me nervous and melted my chocolate and stirred the mixture together.  Then I cooled the mixing bowl in the freezer.  I tried to whip together my frosting after forty minutes but it needed more time to cool.  I tried again after forty minutes and victory stomp because I had a frosting.  YAY!  I tell you this victory to share my fall.

Temptation is patient and knows you better than you do yourself.  It darts in and out of your daily activities and when you think you are on top of the world it is ready to hammer you down and call you like a long lost siren.  While you are running victory laps it begins to pat you on the back as it keeps pace with your wins.  And then the pats on the back become taps on the shoulder and then a beckoning finger and luring whispers.  Yes we celebrated Halloween - took our son to a mini version of trick or treat (we had to show off his adorableness in his Tigger costume), handed out candy and threw a party which we shopped for tasty ingredients and started to whip up some crowd favorites.  The trick or treat no problem.  When buying candy I chose a more expensive option to keep lower carb candy around in case I was tempted.  But I guffaw at you candy.  Not the least bit interested.  I then whip up four dozen cupcakes not so much as a lick on the finger (and there have been many batters that I have sampled over the years).  I left a couple of cupcakes frostingless as they were legal as a snack - without frosting.  The day of the party I barely nibbled and when dinner came around I cautiously loaded my plate - guessing my best numbers on the carbs being consumed.  Sunday through Thursday - High level of success.  Mmmm Friday hits - little bit of temptation as my delicious frosting calls from the fridge.  I should have thrown out the extra I know. Forget the cake I love frosting.  Give me a corner piece any day - higher frosting ratio.  I have not proudly bought frosting to just eat the frosting.  I know!  So I tell myself one spoonful for a sugar rush - You can stop trying to stifle your laughter because after one spoonful came the second spoonful and soon the third.  Finally the fourth I reminded myself this has a lot of carbs and it was the fifth that I slammed the lid down and shoved the frosting back in the fridge.  Whew not good - but not horrible.  But then I had a leftover plate of the party fare - got to get rid of the leftovers.  I did not count as well as I did Thursday.  Must get away from temptation - friday night babysat and brought cupcakes to give away - invited my mom over saturday and passed off more cupcakes to her house.  So Saturday night we don't want to cook and ordered in - Chinese.  I  enjoy Chinese food especially delivered.  This is my go to order when I get a night all to myself.  Order chinese - turn on a good movie and call it a day.  We avoided deep fried and overtly sweet sauces (which is really the point in my mind - grease plus sweet yum!)  Tried to order with 1/2 way consideration of carbs. Listen to how temptation baits me slowly and then goes in for the kill Sunday.  I didn't even attempt to count carbs. It was a free for all - all day long.  I drank all the diet soda I wanted.  Ate two cupcakes with frosting, some cheese curls with reckless abandon, chinese leftovers, ice cream, and some frosting spoonfuls.  I went bonkers.  And didn't feel so good - physically, mentally, and just overall out of whack.  Slowly I am pulling myself back together.  I was getting to boastful and arrogant.  Blowing on my nails like I got this in the bag.  And slowly creeping back into the world of denial.  Thankfully my blood sugar meter doesn't hold any punches.  My numbers did raise quite a bit but not scary high.  Enough of a visual reminder - STOP in the name of love.  Yes some days it feels hard to live this new lifestyle and sometimes we need a treat.  I refuse A Treat (not ten - twenty, you get the picture).  But in the end.  These choices are for me and what I really want out of life to become truly HealthFULL (Fully understand Life by Living) so that I can enjoy every minute of this life with my beautiful son and amazing hubby.  I am beyond blessed - why would I want to rob myself of this pleasure?  For spoonfuls of frosting?  Never.  In the moment yes it is easy to let temptation sweep into our lives and cause horrible disruption.  But in the big picture if we can just keep a little bit of our clarity it is so easy to stomp out those nagging thoughts, whispering lures, and annoying taps.  Temptation will always be knocking down our doors but we always have the choice to slam the doors right back on them.  Join me in saying good riddance to your annoying pests.

May your HealthFULL Journey be full of knocks of opportunities and that temptation only makes you stronger to say no to those that don't matter and yes to what does. 'Til we meet again. . . 

Hit that Snooze one more time

Oh you've done it.  Admit it.  You hit the snooze button.  More than once, almost every day.  Lately we don't use the alarm clock.  Oh we set it every night pretending that is the time we get to sleep.  However, our alarm is a cute 2 1/2 ft almost one year old with might fine lungs.  And he is enjoying learning how to use his "voice".  Each morning we are awakened to a "new" sound.  Sometimes giggles, cries, screams, babble, and pitches from murmuring to squealing.  But this alarm comes with no snooze.  He runs on his own energy source and only when he deems it is snooze time will the alarm be quieted.  But this morning I had to work early so I awoke to the alarm. . . at 5:30 am.  I have been faithfully working out in the morning to feel energetic and trying to lower the blood sugar ASAP.  With life these days if I leave the work out until later; later NEVER happens. 

But this morning was a SNOOzzzzze morning.  Where thirty minutes would make a world of difference.  I even argued in my head as I returned to bed across the room.  If I want work outs to be a priority then here is my chance.  To choose exercise over sleep, to choose health right now vs.  I'll get to it.  And then I crawled into my covers and nestled my pillow.  And thirty minutes later I hit the snooze one more time for a five minute refresher.  Then I forced myself out of bed scolding myself I am going to regret missing that uninterrupted time for exercise.  Finally I bartered with myself and scheduled myself to walk at least a half hour at work (even arguing with myself I couldn't help but snicker "Yeah right!")

Hold on though - I didn't walk thirty minutes today at work I walked forty-five.  That's right I was able to squeeze in 5000 steps right around my office.  Did I want to?  Not every step of the way.  Am I glad that I did it?  Resounding yes!  Because once I left work it became a whirlwind of little events that become easy distractions.

Health has became a major priority.  No excercising isn't always my number one on the list.  But it is  high and is a must do on the list.  Not the list ; when I have time, later, soon,  whatever, who cares.  Because excercise has been on all of those lists.  Now movement hits the list with a planned agenda - when, where, and for how long.  I snuck my tennis shoes on my feet as a way of telling myself.  You're doing this and there is no excuse.  You've got your shoes, you've got the time, and you could use the boost (sunshine, fresh air, endorphin rush, you name it - I needed it :) 

I feel good.  It's amazing how accomplished I feel because I crossed an important to do off my list.  Yeah it is frustrating that it will be right back on top of the list tomorrow. But for today it was crossed off.  Just have to keep reminding myself - this is not a healthFULL race but a HealthFULL journey.

May your HealthFULL Journey find successful and satisfying ways to accomplish your priorities. 'Til we meet again. . .

Havin' a weak week

*Pat on the back* Exercise has officially became an everyday habit and I am super excited and somewhat proud of the fact. I even added a little weight training today with Miss Jillian Michaels.  I completed 22 minutes.  And was pouring sweat (Sorry if that was TMI).  I still had another three full circuits but I had reached my limit.  Better to not overdo and risk injury. 

*Pat on the belly* Eating healthy however has been going downhill since our trip.  Slowly I let my watchful eye become drowsy, downright sleepy, and then squeezed shut.  I like junk food.  At least in the moment of weak resolve I think it is worth millions of dollars.  But then I eat it and go "ehh" it was okay and hours later I am upset and feel quilty for stuffing my face with something I didn't enjoy, didn't really want, and most definitely didn't need.  It's the hindsight of a bad love connection.  In the moment you believe you are with the man of your dreams.  And the next day you are embarassed to tell your friends that you went on a date and instead shrug your shoulders "ehh he's okay. . . as a friend."  For awile I remember this about potato chips and pastries.  But then I get a little overtired, a little overstressed, and a little down and the thoughts of greasy crunchy chips and sweet fatty pastries sound "nice".  Well as this urge hit Friday (I tell you I need to skip this day all together)  I craved doughnuts.  And the reasons and excuses list for me was a mile long why I was justified and almost my duty to purchase and consume doughnuts until my heart's content.  But it was as if the world said "You really don't want a doughnut nor do you need them after I creeped my car through rush hour traffic and pulled into the doughnut shop.  I could taste the frosting on my tongue and the filling dripping down my chin.  I love that creamy custard or sweet gloppy fruit topping (I am rereading the adjectives and with a full stomach am questioning myself, "Really this is what I crave?" But in the moment I confess, I do!  I am all ready to place my order for a variety of tasty treats and in the doughnut shop there are maybe ten varieties and not filled donut.  What?!?? I love doughnuts for their filling.  And I could have just left.  But did I? No!  I knew that they didn't have any of the doughnuts that I truly enjoy and yet I still placed my order.  Still brought them home and ate two immediately.  One was okay and one was eh.  But neither ricocheted me to utter bliss.  Neither made my problems go away.  And neither left me feeling like that was worth the trip, money, or extra calories.  And yet I ate them.  No one forced me but I still felt compelled to shovel them in my mouth.  A part of me wants to keep this "indescretion" hidden and yet I know in my heart to move past these episodes.  I must own these bad days and not blank them out.  That's when I look in the mirror and go "whoa! How did this happen?"  Well it happens when I eat two doughnuts that I didn't want.  That's a good place to start.  So if my exercise is holding steady it is time to tighten my belt (soon I hope!)  if I can address better eating habits.  I believe I found my foundation.  Starting Wednesday I am beginning the 10 day sprinting journey to eat more "real" food.  I came across this site today due to a friend liking it and began my own investigation at http://www.100daysofrealfood.com/ .  She has a ten day challenge for people to sign up and all day I have had that nervous bubble in my stomach.  That feeling, can I really do this?  It makes me uncomfortable and nervous, but yet feel the conviction in my heart that this is the start I have been searching.  I have to let go of my comfort foods that for the most part are just packages of chemicals and little to no nutrition. So after talking with my hubby we excitedly await to allow ourselves a little time to plan.  Real food takes foresight to prepare.  You can't just open the pantry, open a box, pour out contents maybe add water and cook.  Buon Appetit, but not really because what are we really eating?  Also I tend to follow instanteously without really weighing the pros and cons.  So I tentatively step up to the plate and hope for a home run but would be ecstatic with my shaking knees not to strike out.

May your HealthFull Journey excite you in unexpected ways but that fill you with hope, peace, and joy. 'Til we meet again. . .