Junk

Not a super impressive title but junk is very much on my mind.  I have a lot of junk cluttering my mind, my bottom, my heart, and my house.  I think I am cleaning most of the junk out and away and then I have some of those blah days.  And I realized all I did for the most part was to move the junk out of my view; like dust the trash and stick it in a cupboard and call it a day.  Yes that looks nice that must mean the junk is gone.  Lah lah lah!  And then wham I am hit by the junk when I am either having a great moment and realize "Oh there is still a lot of junk - and what does junk do ?  It weighs a person down!"  So bye bye super mood.  Or what is actually scarier is when the junk sneaks up on you when you are already feeling down in the dumps and the junk doesn't just weigh you down; it downright suffocates you.  You know that feeling?  When you already feel overwhelmed and a friend calls with bad news or you are in the middle of a break-up or a fight with a loved one and you get demoted.  The junk that tears you down can be as simple as you were tardy for an appointment because the car was low on gas and then you get home just ticked off about the events of your days and wham - you step on the toy someone left out and you trip - stubbing your toe, twisting your ankle - something painful but not the end of the world.  But IT IS THE END OF THE WORLD - perhaps you throw the offending toy - or an unfriendly word - maybe you shed tears.  But you have hit the point of too much junk!

Are you really that upset about the toy?  No.  Was the demotion out of the blue?  Usually not.  Feeling overwhelmed was it all foisted upon you at once - again probably the result of several if not many different choices and actions.  Junk handled in small doses is usually pretty manageable.  It's when we let the "junk" multiply and take over - that debt, that anger, that clutter, that weight, that procrastination.  All that stuff that we like to push into closets has to eventually be dealt with.  That junk isn't fading away, its not playing nice and planning to wave good-bye - it is plotting to steal your happiness, your health, and invade your life in everyway possible. 

Some of the "junk" I had jump out is the clutter in our house.  We have been purging in spurts and when we some open areas we rejoice and then fall back into the exact same old habits that first accumulated all of the junk.  For instance we are weird paper hoarders because my hubby Corey and I don't always like to deal with papers immediately.  And paper piles grow like you wouldn't believe.  When we moved from North Dakota to South Carolina - we moved at least eight garbage bags of paperwork.  80% trash but 20% actually important documents that we wanted to hold on.  We (I will admit mostly me) have that habit of stowing the papers in a plastic bag waiting to be sorted.  And then that bag fills up so we grab another.  And another - see the pattern?  But then one day we'll sort the three bags into trash, shred, and keep.  Well the keep pile rarely gets placed into proper storage and just becomes the new bag to gather paperwork.  The garbage always gets a nudge out the door.  So yay one out of three bags goes immediately away and we feel successful.  The shred bag should be easy to deal with but as I say this three bags currently sit in my closet ready to shred.  It seems inconvenient with a toddler.  Either he's sleeping or would be way too interested or annoyed by the noise.  And who wants to create an upset toddler when the world does that enough on its own :)    So that is some of the junk.

Other junk is some emotional anxiety.  I am going away for the weekend (alone) and won't be in control of my household - keeping it clean, keeping the family happy and not in charge of my own life.  Which has me reaching for the junk food.  Which I feel like my sal the snacker is taking over because Suzy tastes some of this junk and questions why am I eating this I don't even like it!  And then some of the choices I just don't like the feeling afterward because its JUNK food.  See how junk multiplies quickly.

So I guess thats where my obsession with junk is stemming from?  I am tired of the junk surrounding me and complain about the junk.  And yet, I have a lot of trouble letting go of the junk.  Even though I find it disrupting and upsetting - its comfortable - its familiar - its excuses and rationalizations.  And I know.  Maybe not know, but truly believe that the other side through the junk is wonderful, its exciting, its freedom, its simple truth.  But as I whine about my junk I pull my ice cream a little closer, I hide my shred piles a little deeper, and smile a bit harder to cover the anxiety and hide all my junk.

On this HealthFULL Journey I feel I have circled a lot of this junk several times as the pile to deal with "tomorrow".  Tomorrow comes and I think one more time around should do the trick.  The junk is just growing and the tomorrows are fading.  Its time to grab the trash bag, and the broom.  Let's not continue to sweep this junk under the rug (or other convenient hiding places) but let's truly sweep this junk out and away.

May your HealthFULL Journey reveal treasures as you clean out the junk. 'Til we meet again. . .

 

The Power of Cleaning

Don't you just love a clean house? Or even a clean room?  There is something motivating about walking into a room where everything seems to be resting in their proper place.  But I think the "secret" spots are the most exciting when clean.  You know where I am talking about.  The "miscellaneous" drawer.  Your closet. Under the bed.  The cupboard where kitchen gadgets have gone and never returned.  Or that pantry shelf of unopened foreign but really interesting bottle of sauce, the bag with one lonely stale cookie, the crackers you bought on sale that are healthy but have no flavor but that you refuse to throw because then you feel guilty for not really giving them a chance but the thought of attempting to eat one makes your face instinctly go blech as you shudder that one shrug that emphasizes your disgust.  You get the picture.  Sure clean bathrooms, hung laundry, and clean floors freshly vacuumed - looks nice and feels great.  But that real deep satisfaction feeling comes from those areas that you clean for you.  The areas where houseguests shouldn't really be peeking and even family members who dwell within the same residence are mostl likely crossing private boundaries.  These are the areas we tend to overlook as guests don't notice and few can offer that positive feedback we crave.  But when we do take the moment to really clear out our special places we feel invincible.  Why?  Here are a couple of my thoughts: Because we took a moment to say our wants matter.  That I value myself more than I value clutter.  With every choice we make we get one step closer to knowing who we really are, by stating what we really want, and become the person we want to be. 

A little dramatic. Perhaps.  But there is something about the power of cleaning.  It truly is a whole person act.  Physically you are stooping, stretching, walking room to room, crawling, sitting, jumping, grabbing, tossing, scrubbing, and the list could easily continue.  Emotionally you are recalling why items matter or don't anymore.  Mentally we choose to keep an item or dispose of the item and then how to accurately place the item (keep - where to store and for how long, dispose - throw away, recycle, donate, give away, trade, or sell).  Financially you may keep more in your pocket as you don't have to buy replacements as you found a home for valuables or easily lost items (can we say stamps!!!) or you may loosen the purse to replace items that have lived a good life (I bid adieu to four pairs of jeans today). 

But the real point of today's entry.  I feel amazing.  I feel strong as my body was able to keep up with my long to do list.  I feel wise as I was able to keep my head in the game and make tons of decisions pretty easily.  Some of these chores have been on my to do list and creating guilt within myself and "graying" my mood as I bypassed these activities for numerous reasons.  But now that they are crossed off I feel accomplished and freed.  And definitely feel jazzed and excitement walking around my home and feeling that I have some wiggle room ; room to wiggle if I choose, to fill with items that make my heart soar, and that not everything feels so crammed. 

After some true sleep last night I was able to wake up and feel motivated.  A HealthFULL lifestyle has to start with rest.  Time to reflect, renew, and regain strength.  And once we regroup and refuel our energy we can make active and informed choices about our well-being.  By choosing to clean today I was able to let go of built up frustration and guilt by finding peace and joy. Both great feelings anytime but especially valuable sentiments during the holidays. 

May your HealthFULL Journey lead to moments of clearness as your life gains purity through the removal of clutter and the discovery of options.  'Til we meet again. . .

Cleaning up my act

I was so excited for Friday night.  My hubby and I were going to party like we were a couple in their mid twenties basically meaning we were childless for a night as a grandma and grandpa offered their services for a night.  Yay us!  Oh so much fun was in store like - eating dinner when we wanted and no scheduling around our son's feedings and bedtime.  We could be as loud as we wanted watching tv or talking.  We could both just relax in separate rooms watch tv, listen to music, play on the computer and no one had to be on monitor duty or entertaining our lil' one.  And we could watch a movie uninterrupted, together!  Crazy times I realize.  I picked up a treat after work and was driving home with a big smile on my face.  I also had a lightbulb moment about my HealthFULL Journey to share with Corey.  I have become obsessed with this journey and myself (my actions, my emotions, my troubles,  me me me, my my my! Blech!) Focus equals great, intensity sometimes beneficial, obsession like Fatal Attraction means disaster!  So Friday I tuned out of all "me" business and started to observe my surroundings and keep things positive. I planned my Friday to be fabulous and myself to be friendly.  Oh I tried and fought my way through frustrating moments and kept my determination to turn outward, focus on my journey but stop obsessing about my bad luck.  I people-watched at the library which was fantastic.  There were some great people to observe.  I delighted in other people's quirks.  Let the Friday festivities begin as I walk into my house and before I can declare "let the good times roll".  I notice the footstool out of place.  Ummmm....Cor is everything alright?  His response "Yeah".  Mine: "Why is the footstool in the foyer?" His reply: "Oh it's really hot in here." Check thermostat - hmm yeah it's 84+ degrees in the house and the air conditioner is set on 70 that is pretty hot! So our romantic/fun night of freedom included the air conditioner man at our house at 8:30 at night, after we had 4 agencies on stand-by.  So this last week we have had the plumber out and the air conditioner people while waiting for the roofers to call back about their availability.  Awesome leaking roof, mushy carpet, and no air circulation.  Fantastic! Still smiling world - try to pi** in my cheerios but I am gonna grit my teeth and grin! We got our movie in and the house officially began to cool.  Simple fix that hubby of course suggested and I shot down instantly.  So with my pizza I ate some humble pie.  But Saturday is a new day.  I was going to exercise and eat healthier. And FOCUS not obsess!  I checked in with the grandparents and planned to work out before my son's arrival but realized how I could get some serious cleaning done with function of both arms and eyes.  So I turned the work out into cleaning.  In an hour I put away two loads of laundry, started another, swept, vacuumed, and played return - items scavenger hunt (returning items from one room to another and when entering drop off room gather items and return to their original spot. For instance 15 books had found their way into our bedroom that belonged upstairs, upstairs had loose socks, garbage, baby and dog toys, and so I returned the toys and then took big garbage outside).  It felt so good to get little things checked off the to-do list and build up a sweat. I could have done exercise by following one of my new library DVDs (which I so excited to try).  But because I was not obsessing on perfect HealthFULL Journey I could keep my focus but realize that yes I have other obligations.  If this isn't to be a diet (which it is not) but a lifestyle change (which it is) then I have to incorporate my efforts and intentions into my real life.  Yes there is time to pull out the DVD as some me time but there are other times to get creative.  Everyday is a lesson on this journey because I am Finally Understanding Life by Living and that means to me to stop being an observer in this world and being an active participant.

May your HealthFULL Journey lead you to focus on what truly is important.  May your journey help strengthen your awareness, awaken your passions, and lead you to true joy. 'Til we meet again. . .