Workin' up a Sweat

 

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit,

who is in you, whom you have received from God? 

You are not your own; you were bought a price. 

Therefore honor God with your body. -- 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

 

 

Can I be honest?  This piece of scripture haunts me.  I have confessed there have been many binges and some more recent than I want to remember let alone admit.  We joke about my downfalls in our home.  The foods that call my name at all hours when in the house and have a direct line to my Sal the Snacker (Chips (no self-control!!! nada - zilch!), Ice Cream (some control but little) and Pop has a hold I can't even describe!) I ban them I invite them I kick these foods out of the house again and there is that one moment of weakness and they move in their brother's wife's cousin's dog's best friend and everyone down the line.  I crave, I rationalize, I promise, I threaten, I ignore, and then I break down.  This can be agonizing.  And then I giggle when someone mentions I forgot to eat today - don't you hate that?  I nod and chuckle as if I am "in" on the joke but I'm giggling because I cannot fathom a day in this world where I would forget a snack let alone a day worth of meals!  I eat out of nervousness I am not 100% sure if that counts as emotional eating.  Because my anxiety can turn any moment into a nervous activity which then gives me permission to chow down.  Today a tongue in cheek confession was made to my husband as we joked about my temptations.  I will eat versions of those items that I don't even like because of what they say to me.  I remember drinking the world's grossest soda - It was blue and the name was something like blue mountain soda sparkling blue this was 10+ years ago.  It tasted like foaming carbonated paint thinner or some other household cleaner - rough stuff.  I believe I finished half a can and that is the only pop in this world I have not finished.  I used to find some diet sodas that tasted like soap but did I buy them more than once.  Why yes I did!  That has to say something - and probably not the nicest  or wisest comment. 

 

So what does this have to do with workin' up a sweat?  Well I recently stopped by the library for rejuvenation into the work-out world.  I started off strong this month promising myself I would do at least thirty minutes of dedicated on purpose working out so that anything extra was just bonus points.  I have dragged out the Wii that passively agressively reminded me that I have not visited in 253 days.  Why thank you Wii for noticing my absence - missed you too!  And then had the audacity to say I've gained 19 pounds in that time.  I guess the Wii Fit did not want me to visit again for another 253 days!  I have bonded again with the Walking DVD where my son believes he is meant to serve as my arm weight as he giggles along with the super peppy coach on the television screen.  Well that gung-ho attitude lasted a whole five days.  Then a couple more passed and I said "Suzy we have to make this work! The weight has to go and more importantly that blood sugar needs to get under control!!!"  I know in the logical world that exercise greatly impacts my blood sugar but when I am being pulled by Sal the Snacker and called by the cravings I leave logic blocked in a corner screaming for help!  Not that logic needs my help but it knows how much I need IT! And Logic wants to desperately help me in those desperate moments!   

 

So I tried to be pro-active and grabbed two DVDs from the library my free resource to dabble in movement.  One is a bellydance DVD which cracks me up (because at my size the belly dances pretty much all the time on its own  its just not quite in the manner people find attractive ;)  and a God inspired Sweating in the Spirit where we pull out the Hymns and the Gospel singers to motivate our movement.  The "coach" or "teacher"  quoted the above line quite often in the DVD.  Every time she said that scripture verse or the mantra " your body is your temple" - I winced.  Which is what we do when we view an action as dangerous or painful.  This wasn't her intention I'm sure.  She meant to be encouraging.  She was smiling and throwing up her arms in Glory to God.  And I was trying to sink into the floor away from God's gaze. 

 

Hmmmm....That kind of reaction deserves a ponder.  I say I want to beautify and strengthen my body, my temple in honor of God.  As a sign of respect!  That kind of thinking leads to work-outs which leads to so many wonderful options.  An instant gift is my son's reaction.  He is his Mommy's biggest cheerleader.  Certain DVD's cause him to giggle and copy mine and the television's instructor's movements.  Sometimes he finds it so delightful and entangles himself around me like a jungle gym when I do "fun" poses.  Such as straddling my legs or arching my back or creating a downward dog sort of pose that he can climb through and interact with me.  I love that!  I love when he discovers a new move or a new opportunity to see life from a new perspective.  These are the good moments when I am on my 'A' game and doing good.  But then I lose my hold on that scripture of empowerment and it becomes a blaming loud alarm as I stuff my face with bowl after bowl of potato chips.  The only growth besides my stomach is that chips at least last two days and not just one :( 

 

Oooh  If only I could hold unto the power of that verse.  That positive encouragement and reminder that fuels me to making good choices worth building up.  Instead of me sweeping it into dark corners as I run away distracted, confused, and blindly numbing myself with foods that clog and slow my journey instead of fueling me into the next stretch of positive growth.  Hmmmmmmm....

 

Day by day, moment by moment I trudge. 

 

Jesus looked at them and said, "with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." --Matthew 19:26 

 

God reach down and help me own the above scripture.  That my body is a temple to serve you to honor you and to always bring glory in your name.  I constantly fail in this area.  I turn away from the responsibility.  I hide my head in guilt and shame to avoid the pain this verse reminds of my failure.  I struggle God because I struggle never because my love for you falters.  Help me to remember to love what you gave me for life, my body and to treat it with respect.  Amen!

 

May your HealthFULL journey hold up a mirror to remind you of the areas where you are strong and where you have grown and a loving reminder of what still could use improvement.  Remember God loves you always where you are - God doesn't wait for you to lose ten pounds or until you can run a marathon.  God loves you right here, right now, and is waiting to hear your heart's desire and to witness ALL of your choices - the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful ;)  'Til we meet again. . . 

Tresses that were full of Stresses

Oh when I put on my Supermom Jeans I felt powerful and energetic.  After cutting my hair I felt like a brand-new woman!!! The tresses had to go.  I haven't had a proper haircut in two years, maybe a quick trim - two at the most.  That's a lot of time and a lot of damaged hair that held too many stresses.  My hair was the longest it had ever been.  As a society I believe we have taught many people that long hair usually equals a pretty factor.  That there is pride in our locks and it shows we have willpower and patience to grow out our hair.  Or people like me who just don't get around to the hairdresser.  Believe me this haircut is long overdue and been on the to-do list for at least six months.  My poor fantastic hubby patiently listened to every one of my complaints, whines, outbursts about this too long of hair.  He listened as I yakked about how I pulled my hair (accidentally) and my son pulled on my hair (for sport), how the chairs would tug my hair and I would wake-up with headaches as I continually gave myself whiplash as I would roll over my hair and then try to pull my head up.  Argh!  And finally it was time.  I called, I made an appointment and slashed it off my to do list.  The stylist cut my hair within five minutes of my arrival and as soon as that scissor snipped my hair - angels sang and I smiled the mega-watt smile. 

Because it wasn't just hair she cut.  She helped my de-stress the tresses.  That hair held heartache and worry as I would run my hands through my hair as I sang and whispered to my son in the NICU so many months ago.  Those abandoned strands held pain and frustration as I tugged it into a messy bun after my hair being pulled yet again by one of the many sources.  Those locks were loaded with guilt as I hid my face behind them in hopes to fade away from the world.  There were some dark moments these last two years and those hairs held every memory of sadness, every second of anger, and every instance of worry.  It held no joy because I keep that in my heart :)  But the tresses were stressed and therefore became more stress.

Last night I slept like a baby as I drifted into the land of slumber roughly nine o'clock.  Which is crazy unheard of behavior from me.  Which meant I woke up early with energy.  Not anger or frustration at the early rising but well rested and headache free.  I was able to be at my daily goal of seven thousand steps before ten am as I had a work-out with the Bollywood Burn (newest dvd from the library ) and yes it did burn.  I haven't worked-out besides walking in far too long of time.  Good time to mix things up since I was a brand new me :)  Then unto a walk with one of my favorite guys and canine :)  Then for an encore this afternoon I was back to raking.  I did a small section with my supermom jeans but without my stressful tresses I was able to conquer 2/3 of the yard.  Yay! 

Hair does tell a story.  I love how a seasoned hair stylist can read your lifestyle by the state of your tresses.  As we were deciding on cut and color (as I felt two years without a haircut meant there was room to splurge :)  my stylist mentioned how I could pull off a lighter blonde as I had light hair as a kid.  I did.  But I thought that shade was long gone but she knew.  She could tell how many countless tugs of ponytails and buns my hair experienced.  But my hair was telling a different story that I no longer wanted to co-author.  My tresses were displaying all my stresses and resentment and hurt and on and on.  But these days I have a pep to my step and a sappy to my happy :)  It was time to share that story with the world.  Thank you tresses for being a long for the ride - but in the nicest way possible - GOOD RIDDANCE!

May your HealthFULL Journey eliminate the stresses,  polish the tresses, and make you feel like a more joyful energized brand new version of yourself. 'Til we meet again. . .

Momentus Momentum

Oh life how you mock me!  Drew woke up at the glorious time of quarter to seven.   Sunshine why do you appear so early and then play a peek a boo all day long?!?!?  As his babbling increased I began my typical morning race. Pit stop in the restroom for mommy.  Stumble to the outside door and trip over the racing cat to let out the dog.  (I know its an early morning when the dog stays sleeping in the bed.)  I grab some treats for our cat.  Change out the dog's water and give her food. Pour my son his milk.  Towel off the dog.  And then race to my son's room as he began to dramatically increase the volume and pace of his babble.  I have seven minutes.  What doesn't get done within those seven minutes immediately loses priority and enters Toddler time - where time revolves around the toddler's needs, wants, approval and satisfaction level.  I enter his room and we begin our morning exchange of conversation.  As he changes into his new diaper we began to discuss what should we do today?  And then like a ton of bricks I remember.  We already have plans today!  Oh me! Oh my!  Adrenaline surge and I have to quickly take a deep breath and grasp reality by running through the facts about our plans.  Okay what time is it? Just before seven - good.  What time does the breakfast start?  8:30 - I think?  or was it 8?  8 would not be good - 8:30 is doable.  Shout to hubby I need the car you'll have to take the truck.  Switch out keys.  And sweetly but also rudely tell hubby to hurry up in the shower.  So that I too can get ready: as this mommy did not have immediate plans to leave her comfy jammies.  But plans were made and now it is time to jump into gear.  I grab my happy toddler in his pjs and get him dressed after he picks the one shirt I couldn't immediately find pants to match.  I even questioned his choice : Are you sure this is the shirt you want to wear?  He looks at me with arched brow "Yeah" .  But the whole demeanor was definitely -why would I pick it if I didn't want it?  Its like he knows we have a deadline and the other shirts had easy to reach pants.  My fault - if I give him the choice I need to follow-through.  I rip through piles of clothes find the pants - YAY small victory.  
I sit him in his high chair for a small breakfast.  We were going to a mommy and me breakfast but you know with toddlers - hungry now, and not sure what kind of day we are having taste wise nor what our options would be.  Plus as we did a quick daddy/mommy transition of caretaker the boy was safely contained.  Then back to mommy duty as we kiss daddy good-bye. 

We made it to the breakfast on time with a little adrenaline to spare.  Does that happen to you?  You start your day in one state of mind and in the blink of the eye it goes a completely different direction.  I thought we were starting an early lazy day and God reminded me that we actually had some place to be.

I think that is the moral of the story.  It is tempting to be lazy and lounge and move at what is comfortable.  Comfortable is comfortable but to move or to grow one needs momentum.  How do we encourage momentum in our own lives?

Lists - simply writing something down makes the goal more tangible than letting it surf brain waves and getting lost in the web of your many thoughts.

Appointments - we are more likely to go somewhere if we mark our calendars. I know many people if it doesn't get in the calendar - time and life will steamroll right over the event. 

Verbalize Commitment - this is one step past jotting on your calendar.  You are telling someone I'll be there.  You are asking for accountability from yourself and the person expecting you.

Because of this simple activity.  My son and I had a great breakfast, time to socialize with peers (both of us - which is a huge WIN/WIN!) enjoyed the sunshine, had a quick nap as he wore himself out and now it is only noon and we both are itching to have some more fun!  Momentum helps us to truly activate our own life.  No longer am I sitting on the couch just hoping for a better life - I am actively living that better life I used to dream about.

May your HealthFULL Journey catch you by surprise and push you forward with momentum that blesses you FULLy.  'Til we meet again. . .

Supermom Jeans are here!

The power of my new jeans brought me a grateful puppy, compliments from my hubby, and the squeals of delight of my son.  Yes people these jeans were magical and transforming.  But how you wonder.  Because they were my "short-term" goal jeans.  I bought them last week in hopes of fitting into them soon.  They are two sizes down from jeans I bought this past summer.  So I washed them and then tried them on for a fit and they fit.  Not perfectly, but not where I have to lay on my bed and exhale all my breath (girls may understand that sentence more than the guys :)  So today I put them on and it was pure magic.  I smiled, I felt pleased with my efforts.  I haven't bought this size since my honeymoon (summer of 2003!!!)  If you can do math or at least "Suzy math" that means I subtracted approximately eight and a half years.  Wow! I am a girl back in my twenties and not a bedraggled mom in her thirties - no wonder I had a smile.  But not only did the confidence that these jeans radiate cause me to smile but those around me.  I had lost some of my "control".  I've admitted to several people that recently I have started to "recall/remember" my spontaneous side.  As I've grown older and trying to keep chaos to a minimum I've adopted a lot of "routines" and schedules to help keep things in line.  Organization is good - routines can be helpful.  However as Julia Roberts as Vivian in "Pretty Woman" said " I would say I'm a kinda fly by the seat of your pants gal, you know moment to moment."  Once upon a time I was a fly by the seat of your pants and loved chaos. It was challenging to think of my feet.  And somewhere in the twists and turns of life I let go of chaos and clung to routine.  Which it was good to get organized but sad to leave such a huge part of my personality in the years of yesterday.  So today with my supermom jeans I let  today guide me, I let logic and practicality take a backseat. 

This afternoon I texted my hubby if he wanted to run to a discount warehouse store instead of him picking up the couple of necessary items on the grocery list.  That's right in a day of spontaneous actions we threw out the list!  We had no dinner planned as our eggplant curry would be without eggplant or with spoiled eggplant and we decided skip the curry!  My dog Belle came inside and she was covered in grass!!!  She has been wriggling on the weirdest things lately.  I thought it was because she wanted to share her scent or pick up the new scent.  So as I grabbed her brushing mitt and stepped outside with her and my toddling little boy.  I realized she is shedding and rubbing her fur against anything to get rid of her winter coat.  So I brushed and brushed, and petted and petted. (In my new supermom jeans no less !)  Then I noticed I don't let my son play outside enough and decided today is the day to remedy that. (even though he just had a bath not even five hours earlier) But no fear of mess on a day that welcomes flexibility and chaos if it comes.  He loves to play in the bath and sneaks off to play in the dog's water dish.  With a beautiful day outside happening and my dog's fur flying in the wind; today is the day where I have promised my son that he could play in a basin of a water, make a mess, and be a kid.  I grabbed the supplies and let him have at it.  Since I was outside I decided to take a little time and start raking our yard of all our "gifts" from our stupid rubber gum trees or whatever they're called.  It gets daunting to think of doing the whole yard so if its all or nothing.  Nothing usually wins.  But today something was better than nothing.  We don't use our yard enough.  My dog wants to be chased but I trip on those li'l gifts from the trees.  Today I started to clear a patch for Drew to wander and Belle to lounge.  As I raked up my five small piles (still in a sweater and my supermom jeans!)  and watched over my son giggle in pure delight and sit in soaking wet pants my dog Belle laid down in the center of the freshly raked piles.  She looked at me with puppy dog eyes and bowed her head in a show of gratitude.  Then my hubby came home as I was giving my son his second bath of the day and that is when the compliments poured in.  What I accomplished today, that he had a happy son and dog (and somewhat cat - but can we really tell when the cat is happy since he does whatever he wants whenever he wants all the time?).  We hit our warehouse shopping without list and managed to cover dinners for tonight and most of the week .  We got home and I hacked up a fresh pineapple - all thanks to the supermom jeans.     

No my jeans probably aren't magical (although I will do another test run to test this theory)!  But it did feel good to feel free, flexible, less rigid, and in the moment.  It was reminiscent of a part of me that I let go.  Slowly I am tugging that part of me back in today's world while still holding onto the more mature organized self that can finish projects.  Because chaos girl was great at starting things but when you are always "in the moment" you forget to shut off running water, complete unfinished chores, and leave calls unreturned.  A woman who appreciates a little mix of schedules and menus with on the feet ingenuity may just be who I want to be when I grow up. Thanks supermom jeans for bringing a smile to my face and a sparkle to the eye of those I love.  (If you look closing at the bottom right of the screen door you can also see our disapproving cat Smokey.)

May your HealthFULL Journey remind you of the good of the past, the amazing possibilities of the future but only after you have had the chance to truly embrace today.  'Til we meet again. . .

That first step. . .

This whole journey has been filled with first steps.  Retrying first steps. Re-doing first steps. Repeating first steps.  And the whole process after a strong first step ...baby steps.  So many times I charge gung ho down the trail.  Let's do this!  We can do it!  This feels awesome!  To quickly retreat the next day (or halfway through my own personal pep rally) thinking have I lost my mind?  I can't do this....I don't want to...this stinks....no fun! ....and blah blah blah.  Sometimes I argue with myself just put the tennis shoes on.  If nothing else happens so be it.  But at least tie the freakin' sneakers unto your feet.  So I tie my sneakers and never have I decided that was enough.  I figure once I have the shoes on my feet I might as well use them.  I work great with boundaries.  I tell myself "You just have to do one lap but should probably stop after four laps.  Or walk as much as you can in fifteen minutes."  This gives me limitations so I don't feel like I have to walk to New York and back to feel I've accomplished my task. Challenging enough to get me off the couch but not overwhelming that I feel there is no point to give up the lounging. 

Also I need something to add change to the daily work-outs.  For awhile the new DVDs from the library were great motivators.  Then my goal to cover an extra mile boosted me to walk daily.  On the new horizon I have a new pedometer.  Noticed I said new?  Yup I have tried the pedometer in my past.  But I didn't like mine it didn't motivate, actually it discouraged me.  I had purchased one with the intention of walking 10,000 steps a day as that should be my goal according to an article I read at my heaviest.  At my heaviest weight this might be shocking news.  I was not walking anywhere near 10,000 steps.  I wasn't even walking 5,000 steps a day.  I was walking in the ballpark of 2,500 steps a day.  That included work, leaving my apartment, getting ready and I barely covered a mile within a day.  That is heartbreaking. And discouraging.  I was barely covering a 1/4 of my goal.  So without much intention I began to forget my new friendship with the pedometer and let it stink into the miscellaneous drawer with much adieu.  However, now I am ready to add the pedometer into my daily routines.  My average routine consists of 5,000 steps without even trying. (Vast improvement from seven years ago).  This pedometer is actually a tool purchased by my company to encourage a healthier lifestyle.  My cost is zero dollars which makes this free!  Who doesn't love a bargain these days.  It tracks your progress online and rewards you for the different milestones you achieve with different prizes.  Ahh now some friendly competition - excellent!  I have worn my pedometer for three days.  The established goal is to walk 7,000 steps a day at least five days a week.  But in my head sits that old nagging number of 10,000.  Because once you hit 7,000 why not try for 10,000.  However you get extra points for walking 12,000 steps in a day.  So on my third day once I hit my 10,000 (which I had done the first two days!) why not try for 12,000 and I did. Hopefully you can read the 12,069 in the picture as proof I'm really doing this.  I really am onboard this time to be the healthiest I can be. 

I am not the only one "stepping" up my "A" game.  As a Valentine's Day surprise our little boy decided to take his first steps.  Five to mommy and five to daddy.  I figure if my son is going to start walking; I better push myself past that first step as well. 

May your HealthFULL Journey begin with that first step and quickly multiply.  'Til we meet again. . .

Power down! Deal with it. . .

Oh if the world truly graded our efforts and not the end result both my hubby and I would have A's for the day.  But instead we grabbed our remote flipped on our newest episode of "The Chew" and stuffed our faces with Chinese food.  This wasn't the plan but then every attempt of a schedule or plan for today met with obstacle, snub, or just plain didn't happen.  We tried.  Both of us.  In our own way to make today a great day but pffffffffffffft was much of the reply.

I woke up to the sound of an unhappy baby at six a.m.  I went to check up sound asleep.  Back to bed for mommy.  Then seven-thirty one blare of a scream with no follow up.  I took it as an early alarm that would allow me a chance to get ready for the day.  These are rare moments that I can piece together two thoughts to kind of get a plan for the day.  So I was grateful and got ready. No more awake sound in the first thirty minutes.  Awesome I am on a roll.  This mama is going to get some breakfast together.  Another fifteen minutes pass and still silence.  Now frustrated because I probably could have gotten a work-out in.  And then - yup - there it is the scream of a disgruntled morning toddler.  Drop everything and immediately head to the crib.  It's like the gunshot at a race to start my crazy day.  On your marks get set - GO!  Already point down -wet bed.  Boo!  But no problem an extra load of laundry on the to - do list.  Will get in the wash later as we have a hungry boy on our hands -  grab today's outfit.  Then a quick breakfast and we begin the baby olympics to burn off energy.  Up the stairs like a rocket (he doesn't walk but give him a set of stairs and he can move!)

Oh no - stinky meter rising as we climb the steps.  Quick descent with the help of mom unto clean diaper.  Then to the fridge to play with our magnets.  Really? Stink meter is going off again - not a good sign - maybe false alarm  - oh no no no!  Definitely not a false alarm.  Unhappy baby changed again and then walking with assistance.  Going to impress our Early Interventionist who is due in three minutes...oh no sleepy baby has struck down my boy.  We are rubbing our eyes, yawning, and becoming a limp noodle unresponsive to even the tickle monster.  Our E.I. arrives and the little boy is exhausted.  Wake up baby boy you get to play with someone besides mommy with new toys - YAY!  Slowly he responds until he finds the bubbles.  He is quickly revived and enjoys "popping" bubbles in the living room.  Yay!  Next round of breakfast and sleepy boy hits.  Good timing.  I sneak him into his crib with a few protests and then golden silence. 

I slip into my work-out clothes, grab my water bottle and reaching my hand out for the stairwell.  WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!  Seriously?  I drop off the water bottle enter the doorway of our son's room and wha....*gag* never mind figured out what woke you up.  New diaper time.  Oh and look not ready for a nap now.  Let's go and play in the living room.  We need a quiet activity.  Sesame Street it is.  *world judge me if you must - I know children under two shouldn't watch tv and my response I don't do it everyday.  And when he does he rarely gets more than one Sesame Street episode a day.  I say rarely because today he did - and there are just worse crimes in the world than a two sesame street episode in a day*.  I got some paperwork done and some little cleaning jobs.  And the kid was exhausted.  We grabbed milk and listened to some music and tried a nap again.  Not very happy nor cooperative but we finally reached the silence stage of the house again.  I grabbed my bottle and headed upstairs.  Who knew how long this nap would take so I paid a couple of bills due on the computer and turned on my Wii Fitness. 

Error message - Wii Remote needs replacement batteries.  No problem I'll just grab a couple and pop them in.  In the zone let's get our sweat on.  Wait Error message.  Just replaced the batteries - oh no the Wii board needs battery replacements.  Grin and bear it.  I'll just go and grab some more batteries.  Okay they're replaced.  Let's weigh in - and the Wii cursor is stuck on the screen.  Why?  Oh you've got to be kidding.  The wireless remote sensor needs charging.  Hear this message world : I am working out today!  So throw me your obstacle course but I am even more determined - battery replacement, upset child, and uncharged sensor - pull it together.  Yay success - I've lost 5.3 pounds in 2 1/2 weeks.  *happy dance*  Caught last night's "Parenthood" while I stepped my way through thirty minutes.  Bye bye 200 calories - hello guilt free afternoon.  Wait is it still silent?  I am grabbing me some lunch.  Two meals in quiet - wowsers! Still quiet I am going to actually sit on the computer for fun.  Sitting down. . . .and yes there is the cry that my lunch hour bell has dinged - finished.  Back to baby duty.  Coming love. 

Lunch is ready to be served.  Oh we did not like the lunch menu that we have previously loved.  Carrots not on the baby's menu today - however you can find carrots on my floor, in his high chair and I am pretty sure on my piano.  Awesome!  Let's play some more.  Oooh checked the clock daddy will be home soon.  Should straighten the house a tish and get baby laundry in the washer. This requires a bit of movement on mommy's part in different rooms.  So let's place the baby in his crib to play with a couple of his favorite toys.  eight minutes tops!  Well look my mother in law is at the door as she is helping my hubby go pick up our car in the shop(stupid battery - wait is that this week's theme that no one told me about - power down - work around it).  I would help but out of two vehichles only one is baby friendly.  The other is a truck.... with an air bag. So no go - and no hubby at this point.  No problem.  Ahh the sound of hubby's arrival and the squeals of delight from our son.  (Everyone in the world lied to me.  When I was pregnant and shared I was having a boy.  Everyone smiled and said - oh the relationship between a mother and son is so precious.  No one mentioned that its precious but won't compare to a daddy's boy which we 100% have. Which I adore - but slightly get jealous of - especially the "rougher" days.  Mommy = tears - Daddy = giggles of delight.  Sorry for the tangent!)  So quick stop just enough to hear that hubby was late but most likely had to return to work because the store lost power as he was leaving - COME ON WORLD!!!   Our son was kind of sad to see his daddy go so soon.  So yup Sesame Street it is again.  I never do this.  But if the world is going to bring me down, turn off most of my power -then I will do what I can to finish the day with a smile on mine and my son's face.  And I wouldn't change our second episode.  I got toddler cuddles for almost an hour.  And that was a pick me up I definitely needed.  We played unto dinner.  Guess what peas were not on my son's wish list for the day either.  More of these in my son's chair than his belly.  I even gave it the yummy in my tummy with thumbs up and lots of smiles after obnoxiously cheerful big bites.  (p.s. I am not a fan of peas.  I will eat them mixed into other dishes and enjoy a good pea soup.  but eating straight up peas = unhappiness. Maybe it reminds me of a Canadian Anglican Priest shooting them at me across the dinner table but I'll stop with that tangent as well.)  He did agree to a few bites.  Some more floor play -  tickle session - he loves this falling down game on the bed - we played that.  Oh look bath time YAY! 

Bath time almost broke me.  I was setting up a couple of items and Drew was playing with the hair rinser.  (A pitcher that has a flexible top to bend around the head to keep from soap dripping in his eyes or water down his face.  )  I didn't realize he was actually pulling water out of the tub until the second attempt.  When water went sloshing all over the bath mat.  And as I reached for him he got in a third fill-up and shared that with the toilet seat cover and waterfall effect over the other side of the toilet.  Oh this awesome day gets better and better.  Now we have WATERWORLD.  And I haven't even attempted washing down the baby yet.  YAY!  So I grabbed the not wet but SOAKING (could he have really filled the pitcher all three times - as much water as I was cleaning - possibly!) bath mat and toilet seat cover and to the washer they go.  Throw down a couple of towels to mop up extra water.  Phone rings hubby can finally return home.  Power has been restored and product was back on the shelves.  I begged for chinese.  I was a weak woman who didn't have plans of cooking and I could tell my hubby didn't have plans for cooking either.  Chinese it is!  With a vigor to my step as my better half was soon on the way home with a piping hot supper. Onward to bath time.  We got through bathtime okay.  He was like a seal pup that kept sliding through my hands and his trick was to splash "the audience" meaning mommy and the rest of the bathroom with his own created typhoon while I wrangled him into sitting positions between scrubbing and rinsing.  I should have worn a swimsuit. 

But we made it to pjs and our nightly bottle.  Hallelujah!  So no not the day I planned.  Not an everyday kind of day in hopes to see results on the healthier side of things.  But a good day with a 100% survival rate.  I shared today because it was a real day trying my best.  I tend to blog when I am on the successful side of things.  I am usually on a high and want to share my good news.  Sometimes I am on a down day trying to pick myself up.  But there are those in between days - like today - where there are some great highlights (down five pounds and got a 30 minute work-out in even with some obstacles) - but some not great choices (like chinese food with sauces and fried foods).  These days are a part of the journey.  I constantly strive for improvement (well perfection if I am honest but I am working on IMPROVING my unrealistic expectations :)  but settle for doing the best I can , with what I have, where I am.  And today I was home stranded without a vehichle with a cranky energetic little boy missing my better-half  and a craving for Chinese food. 

May your HealthFULL Journey include the unscripted moments so that you can really see the new you emerging.  Because when the power goes down we all have to deal with it. "Til we meet again. . .

Fresh Air!

Wow!  There is something to being outside.  I like to imagine I am an outside girl.  I love the stars.  I love the thought of being adventurous.  I love pictures of nature - really wooded secluded areas or sunsets or those beautiful relaxing beach scenes.  But I am not a huge fan of the sun (its usually too bright and too hot because its the sun).  Bugs are not my friends they tend to freak me out especially ones with wings and birds always have wings so again not so much a fan.  And probably the real truth about being outside it naturally encourages to engage with your surroundings - to be active.  When you have been heavy most of your life you seek comfort and/or relief.  Bring me my chaise dahling I am ready to sit for a spell.  It is easy in a home or any place indoors to find comfort from a seat or even a counter to lean on.  But outside encourages you to walk from point a to point b,  To stand for longer than two minutes, or gulp be even more active with that fresh air and sunshine.  However, as I push myself to do more activities I find out I WANT to do more activities. 

We started out with dreary days this week - all gloomy gray, foggy and lots and lots of puddles! To have such extremely depressing weather made this area thirst for a spot of sunshine.  So when the sunshine showed up we cheered and marched outside to wave hello and shout our thanks!   This extreme change in the outside motivated my hubby and me not once but two days in a row to put on our walking shoes, grab the stroller and a leash.  Cheers erupted from our house as our son giggled and squealed in delight and our dog well she ran around like a maniac - but a happy maniac.  

Then today  my son and me headed to a nearby park to enjoy quality time with some friends. Isn't there something so special about a playground that ignites true happiness in our hearts?  A place we go to play and its only purpose was to be a structure built to encourage fun.   Fantastic!  It was so good to chase after my little one crawling under tunnels and cruising on the balance beam.  It felt so freeing to not have windows closed nor walls surrounding us.  But endless opportunities to climb, crawl, swing, chase, and giggle.  The energy we absorbed from the sun and the fresh air and then released with playing.  Good stuff!

Maybe this HealthFULL Journey will help me make the transfer from a girl who thinks she likes the outside into a true fan of being outside while active.

May your HealthFULL Journey rejuvenate your soul and your day with some sunshine and fresh air. 'Til we meet again. . .

12 Resolutions for the 12 months of 2012

Well this has been quite a journey and it still continues.  You think you found the perfect path and then you hit a dead end, a crazy detour, or get lost and end up back in the same spot.  So you turn back to your trusty compass and gaze at your map.  Circle the paths that were working and figure out a new route.  There is no time better than the present.  Today is the first day of the new year.  And rumor has it the end of the world is nearing.  If that be true I want to leave as the best version of myself.  Of course with my Christian belief the Bible states (my paraphrase follows) that we don't know what hour our Master will return - so basically, let's get to work and do it now.  So if this journey is to be FULL of Health that means my goals should be all encompassing, a little physical, a little mental, emotional, spiritual, you get it, it should be for the whole picture so lets count em down.  12 goals for the next twelve months in this fabulous year of 2012.

12.  Lose 102 pounds.  The weight isn't my number one priority but it is a goal.  It is an unusual number.  I like even stevens usually a bold hundred a perfect ten.  But 102 pounds would bring me to 178 pounds.  I have never seen that number on a scale in my adult life.  179 is the lowest number I have seen and it was when I was nineteen - twenty years old.  So let's eliminate decade within a year.  Its a daunting number but attainable - pound by pound.  It also means I have lost nine pounds since this journey started 2 1/2 years ago.  But also in that time I did gain a total of forty one pounds (mostly pregnancy related) so in actuality I've lost fifty pounds again. So we'll keep on the downstreak!

11.  Another physical thing is to continue the new produce or grain once a week.  This helps make a game out of eating healthy and stretching the horizons of what we imagine we could eat, should eat, and would eat.  This allows 52 opportunities to consume a variety of vitamins and minerals in combinations we wouldn't otherwise know.

10.  The perfect ten has to go to cooking myself at least twice a week.  And not just cooking but learning a new recipe at least one of those two times but hopefully twice.  This enables me to take more control of my health.  It will help me not get caught in the trap of helplessness, boredom, or being overwhelmed by all the life matters we can't control. 

9.  To round out my physical improvements means I need movement.  Documented exercise.  I want to work out thirty minutes five days a week.  But even more specifically to cover at least 366 miles this year of walking.  I will count walking as part of my exercise during the week.  But it would be awesome on those days I can count it as a bonus.  That means one mile a day.  Let's pound some pavement or at least some carpet!

8.  I need to be more charitable.  It is time to research some charities.  And to be more consistent in giving and less about the taking, demanding, and whining.  My goal is to donate to at least one charity every month: whether it be time, money, or donated goods.  There are a lot of people who are doing amazing things to help those who need the extra hand.   My soul thirsts to be more like a servant as I have ignored the calling several times.

7.  Speaking of the Call.  It is time to reconnect in a stronger fashion with God.  I plan to read the Bible in one year's time and to take true meditative time with God on a daily basis (not just in times of distress which is too common for me).  God is blessed me with too much that I have taken for granted too often. 

6.  Another calling  - what next?  I finished my B.A. this year which feels pretty darn good to mark that of the to - do list.  It waited for nine years but it is crossed off.  But now I have to figure out what's next?  A new vocation?  Start a business?  Attain a masters?  Lots of ideas but no true road map.  Time to get research done and by 2013 working towards the next great challenge.

5.  Let's get creative.  This may be my favorite goal.  I love to be creative and playful.  Each month I am going to learn either a new skill or build upon a creative process.  This might mean taking a class to learn how to do pottery.  This may mean picking up  a how to learn a new language.  This might mean trying out for a play.  Perhaps I establish a routine to write fiction/poetry.  But it is time to get the juices flowing and the heart pumping.  It will feel good to awaken that part of me once again.

4.  Time to ...I even feel anxious typing this. Time to Socialize more.   I tend to lead a hermit lifestyle.  In the past I used to have people demanding jobs that I was pretty good at.  But I tend to get easily connected emotionally to people and it would zap a lot of my energy.  Other people's dramas, creating my own drama, and then stressing that I wasn't helping enough or that I wasn't capable to do more and I had a rough year that I shut down.  I lost 10 people close to me in one year.  All different levels of intimacy and relations, some were sudden some were expected.  And these deaths were sandwiched between my mother in law being diagnosed with cancer (a survivor of 8+ years Amen!) and my own mother's diagnosis of cancer (a survivor of 7+ years - another Amen!) and in that time I quit college (nothing to due with what has already been mentioned I just didn't know where I was going or what I wanted at 22), got married (to the most amazing man in the world and still my best friend), moved, and started my first salaried position where forty-four people's lives were under my care. That was all in one year and also in that one year I gained seventy pounds.   Sooooo yeah I kind of needed a break from people, responsibility, and instead of taking a break I kind of just shut down.  So its time to wake up and get out.  So I plan to have at least one extra outing a month not just family or work related.  For some that sounds super easy but this may be one of the hardest areas for me to stretch.  (and in honesty if I try a class or group activity - I'm counting it!)

3.  Budget - I don't like to budget: not money, not calories, not time.  I like to be spontaneous, at least I say that.  But really it is another way to say I don't like to be controlled or pressured or to stick to rules.  It crushes my freedom, it suffocates the spirit of fun.  But not really I just allow myself to feel that.  We all can use a cushion for "those days" and if you have read my blog I tend to have a lot of out of those blue kinds of experiences.  So my hubby and I are going to sit down and comb through expenses and start true rainy day funds and not just talk about it.  Blech! My stomach is already churning.

2. Time to organize the chaos.  Some people are naturally gifted in completing tasks in a timely manner, keeping things together, and just letting objects gleam in cleanliness.  I am not one of those people.  I try hard to have routines that keep me and my family being swallowed up by household clutter and try to designate areas for those have to grab items.  But it is a challenge. I am going to do a thorough cleaning (this is not the weekly or daily cleaning necessary to keep the household moving - laundry, dishes, vacuuming, ect.) in every area of our house once a month and each week take an hour to truly organize (actually create an address book, gather recipes that we enjoy in one spot, designate locations for important papers - declutter the filing cabinet).   

1.  The big number one is to truly be grateful within each and every day.   To count a blessing every day. Hopefully this will take down the stress but more importantly remind me that it truly is a wonderful life and that all of us are granted a gift of life on a daily basis.

May your 2012 be a chance to let go of what brings you down and to welcome all that builds you up. 'Til we meet again. . .

Life Changes

Here is a top ten list of how I know my lifestyle is improving healthwise:

10.  No longer do I believe the mean laundry fairies are shrinking my jeans but actually replacing them with bigger sizes.

9.  My tag was hanging out of my shirt the other day and instead of freaking out that someone might have seen the size.  I was like I hope someone saw the size this shirt is from college - my first go around - which means it was purchased over ten years ago.

8.  Instead of being nervous about my blood pressure and blood sugar being too high I wonder if they are too low.

7.  We need to get out of the house.  (I am borderline hermit! - this is major!)

6.  Soup or salad can be the whole meal and not just the side/appetizer.

5.  Oh I'm thirsty I should grab some water.

4.  When can I fit in my thirty minute work-out today?

3.  I'm cooking, by choice, and enjoying it!!!

2.  I have great parking karma today.  There is a spot right next to the steps.

1.  I feel good and have tons of energy (most of the time :)

Some random thoughts but showing the big picture.  Little by little I'm finding the healthier version of me.

May your healthFULL Journey delight you with the simple blessings of how your effort equals true results.  'Til we meet again. . .

The Power of Cleaning

Don't you just love a clean house? Or even a clean room?  There is something motivating about walking into a room where everything seems to be resting in their proper place.  But I think the "secret" spots are the most exciting when clean.  You know where I am talking about.  The "miscellaneous" drawer.  Your closet. Under the bed.  The cupboard where kitchen gadgets have gone and never returned.  Or that pantry shelf of unopened foreign but really interesting bottle of sauce, the bag with one lonely stale cookie, the crackers you bought on sale that are healthy but have no flavor but that you refuse to throw because then you feel guilty for not really giving them a chance but the thought of attempting to eat one makes your face instinctly go blech as you shudder that one shrug that emphasizes your disgust.  You get the picture.  Sure clean bathrooms, hung laundry, and clean floors freshly vacuumed - looks nice and feels great.  But that real deep satisfaction feeling comes from those areas that you clean for you.  The areas where houseguests shouldn't really be peeking and even family members who dwell within the same residence are mostl likely crossing private boundaries.  These are the areas we tend to overlook as guests don't notice and few can offer that positive feedback we crave.  But when we do take the moment to really clear out our special places we feel invincible.  Why?  Here are a couple of my thoughts: Because we took a moment to say our wants matter.  That I value myself more than I value clutter.  With every choice we make we get one step closer to knowing who we really are, by stating what we really want, and become the person we want to be. 

A little dramatic. Perhaps.  But there is something about the power of cleaning.  It truly is a whole person act.  Physically you are stooping, stretching, walking room to room, crawling, sitting, jumping, grabbing, tossing, scrubbing, and the list could easily continue.  Emotionally you are recalling why items matter or don't anymore.  Mentally we choose to keep an item or dispose of the item and then how to accurately place the item (keep - where to store and for how long, dispose - throw away, recycle, donate, give away, trade, or sell).  Financially you may keep more in your pocket as you don't have to buy replacements as you found a home for valuables or easily lost items (can we say stamps!!!) or you may loosen the purse to replace items that have lived a good life (I bid adieu to four pairs of jeans today). 

But the real point of today's entry.  I feel amazing.  I feel strong as my body was able to keep up with my long to do list.  I feel wise as I was able to keep my head in the game and make tons of decisions pretty easily.  Some of these chores have been on my to do list and creating guilt within myself and "graying" my mood as I bypassed these activities for numerous reasons.  But now that they are crossed off I feel accomplished and freed.  And definitely feel jazzed and excitement walking around my home and feeling that I have some wiggle room ; room to wiggle if I choose, to fill with items that make my heart soar, and that not everything feels so crammed. 

After some true sleep last night I was able to wake up and feel motivated.  A HealthFULL lifestyle has to start with rest.  Time to reflect, renew, and regain strength.  And once we regroup and refuel our energy we can make active and informed choices about our well-being.  By choosing to clean today I was able to let go of built up frustration and guilt by finding peace and joy. Both great feelings anytime but especially valuable sentiments during the holidays. 

May your HealthFULL Journey lead to moments of clearness as your life gains purity through the removal of clutter and the discovery of options.  'Til we meet again. . .

The Broken Umbrella

Oh if my life was a movie this week... cue into the closing scene where a woman walks down the sidewalk in front of her office building with a bounce in her step and a giggle on her lips.  Now if this truly was a movie the woman would be 5' 11" just over a hundred pounds in a gorgeous trench coat- fantastic make-up and perfectly coiffed hair possibly a french twist, mega watt smile with a confident stride and the background a slight sprinkle of rain with a touch of sunlight.  But before we go into the fade back let's really examine the final scene.  Because this blog isn't a movie but about my real  HealthFULL journey on how I can Fully Understand Life by Living which means there are lots of these moments.  Here is the true final scene: A heavy set woman, no make-up, a quick ponytail, an awkward pace to her gait, and a giggle bordering between hysteria or tears, with an open broken umbrella and a gloomy gray sky with spurts of wind. Now the choices that lead into this scene.

Its Monday because this is real life and real life seems to come together harshly this particular time of the week.  We are approaching wintertime here in the South and instead of facing a harsh blizzard we tend to see a lot of drizzly depressing rainy days.  This would be one of those days.  I hate driving the truck in rain.  The accelerator tends to stick when it gets a little chilly and the automatic truck pretends it is a bucking bronco. Not fun!  But as I pull into our parking lot - wait for it I actually have an umbrella on me.  This is news because for seven years of our marriage - my husband and I did not own a single umbrella.  But I now own one that matches my purse.  Fancy I know!  My hubby calls it my little umbrella and I love it...or I did, but I am getting ahead of myself.

Work begins and time passes.  The minutes tick down and the clock is nearing break time.  Oh I so have the Monday blahs.  Its cold out and rainy.  No walk I pout, stomp, and whine I don't wanna.  But don't want to do something doesn't mean I can't.  That I am physically unable.  And I realized that as an adult I can't give into my teenage rebellion or even my child-like tantrum just because I don't feel it.  Sometimes we have to weigh our wants vs. our goals vs. our needs.  I didn't want to walk but after my high blood sugar reading (the highest I have had in over a month) I needed to walk and that my goal is to lead a healthier lifestyle.  Well grab the umbrella because we are going for a walk : sunshine, rain, or snow pull on the tennis shoes we're hitting the pavement.  Did I have other options then walking outside?  Absolutely!  I could have walked the steps in our five story building (they are bit daunting and creepy).  I also could have stretched in my cubicle for fifteen minutes but who wants to create that kind of scene.  No I'll take my cute little umbrella and walk.

It felt good the first break.  There is something about the smell of rain that is energizing as everything is refreshed.  The confidence building as I did something good for myself and I didn't even want to do it.  But I dug deep and accomplished my goal.  Its that first step willing to embrace the activity, isn't it.  I convinced myself go outside.  If you only walk once around the building so be it.  But my body craved movement and once the first step happened it was easier to follow it with 1500 more.  Great first break.

The day continues on and the afternoon break looms before me.  I silently debate my options.  I already had fifteen minutes under my belt.  Do I really have to commit another fifteen in the rain?  Yes because I knew I was working late, when I get home I will be exhausted and on mommy/wife time.   So if I wanted to get my full thirty minutes in for the day this would most likely be my last shot.  Plus it really was refreshing the first break.  Grab my tennis shoes and adorable umbrella one more time.  Hmm...the grayness seems a little darker.  The wind has picked up a little speed and an extra chill as I sink a little deeper into my coat.  One time around the building done.  I am feeling a shot of pride, a bounce in my step as my confidence grows and as I am too busy applauding myself a lot happens.  I notice the wind is picking up my umbrella and flinging it around.  I see one of the spokes has bent and then one final gust pulls the umbrella out of my hand as I simultaneously trip over the sidewalk.  (The same sidewalk that I have walked numerous times all of a sudden has a crack that raises three inches off the ground just enough for my shoe to catch it and stub my toe).  I lose the umbrella to the ground as I stumble three steps forward bracing myself for the inevitable fall and side step my umbrella (I don't want to break it) and the wind carries my friend away into the street into upcoming traffic as I twirl to catch both my balance and in a half-hearted attempt to catch my little umbrella.  I watch in horror as a SUV comes racing down (or driving normal speed)  bee-line towards my umbrella and I wondered if there was any possible way my umbrella could be spared and if not; Can an open umbrella hurt a moving SUV?  There was something child-like as I wanted to race into the street and save my priced possession like a child does their ball.  But miracles of miracles the umbrella is spared.  I grab the umbrella and race to safety.  As I turn the final corner towards my office building.  It was like I was not only in a movie but a cartoon as I look up into my umbrella.  As I gaze upwards one spoke (not the bent one) drops into two pieces.  I try to close the umbrella to see the damage and there is one side that sticks out now with the two pieced spoke and the bent spoke and I do the only thing that seems natural.  I giggle at my blessed misfortune.  Yes I tripped.  I lost my umbrella.  And my umbrella broke.  But I walked for thirty minutes.  I actually had a working umbrella for 28 of those minutes.  My umbrella did not get run over (and I didn't have to pay for any damage towards an expensive looking SUV).  And though I tripped, I didn't fall nor sustain any true injury. Well a little bruise to the pride as I was beginning to think I was all that and a bag of chips.  But a near fall and a broken umbrella bring me back to reality.  So Broken Umbrella thank you for the memories, the lessons, and the humility.

May your HealthFULL Journey be full of opportunities that lift you up and catch you when you fall. 'Til we meet again. . . 

Hippity Hop

Oh that's right I am down with my bad self.  Several mornings I have attempted some Hip Hop.  I love watching those moving contemporary pieces and storied Hip Hop on So You Think You Can Dance.  That piece with Alex and Twitch two seasons ago - hands down the coolest dancing I have ever seen.  I have mentioned my adoration for dancing.  That secretly I believe a dancer hides within my soul - however she has never revealed herself physically.  In my soul I am leaping and popping like nobody's business.  In the physical body I resemble those hippos in tutus from Fantasia.  But on this HealthFULL Journey I am learning just because its not perfect (nor won't ever be perfect) doesn't mean I shouldn't try.  So I hit snooze in the morning until I peek open one eye and say at least ten minutes.  One routine is ten minutes.  I won't feel guilty, I'll feel a little bit of energy and something accomplished.  I tell you a full thirty minute work out sets me up for a great day.  But ten minutes helps me from feeling lost.  So I pop in the Hip Hop DVD and start Hippity Hop.  I say this because I give the moves an extra bounce or full on skip.  This is that unrhythm I mentioned but it is still something. 

Frustration easily sets in as I watch the "instructor"  complete her thirtieth move with a smile and I got lost on the second with my two left feet.  And there is definitely a voice that echoes in my being turn it off and crawl back into bed for these eight delicious minutes.  But there is a smaller voice that cries from my soul their thanks.  No the Russian Ballet won't be calling me soon but there is a part of my soul that rejoices.  And slowly from the inside out and by consistently working out the outside in - I am carving out that joyous dancer.  Hippity hop - crossover, back, crossover, step touch step, and turn around.  As Monica says in an early Friends episode ( a rough paraphrase) - Girl in the back you're doing it(dancing) all wrong.  Monica's response: But at least I'm doing it.   That's my answer too.  At least I'm doing it.

May your HealthFULL Journey transform you inside out and outside in and carve out the version of yourself that you've always wanted.  "Til we meet again. . .

Cool as a Cucumber

What a fun week!  I truly enjoyed my TGIF as I looked forward to a couple hours with me, myself, and I.  Heavenly as it started with a leisurely stroll through our local library.  I picked up a couple of new excercise DVDs to try - Cardio Hip Hop and some Yoga.  I may not hit every step (as my Wii Fit reminded me this morning that I seriously lack rhythm) but I will have some fun.  Speaking of my friend Wii Fit.  I counted my stamps for showing up - 15 out of the last eighteen days.  Yay me!  I "work out" at least thirty minutes to an hour on the Wii Fit.  And the three days missing stamps - I could recall walking at least thirty minutes those three days.  Reminders!  Stickers, marks, measurements, scale, lists, blood sugar readings - anything visual to remind ourselves that we are making positive changes and true healthFULL strides.  Its easy to throw in the towel when you feel the world against you - the scale numbers went up, pants feel tight, or you feel HUNGRY.  Not hungry lets grab an apple or a handful of nuts.  I'm talking HUNGRY where you will hop into the car and drive to the nearest fast food while speed dialing the pizza place for your old friends that brought happiness (brief along with shame, guilt, fat, carbs, grease - you get the point :)  Thats the exact moment you need a reminder.  These changes are making a difference.  And speaking of changes while at the library I picked up a book to offer me guidance on adjusting to the diabetes diagnosis and a cook book dedicated to those who don't want to sacrifice flavor but want to remain carb conscious.

And speaking of cooking?  I have found myself in the kitchen a lot this week.  My hubby was the main chef tonight (grilling up some cheesy Portabella mushroom burgers - where the mushroom is the patty - hold the bun for me) and I helped with the sides; yummy acorn squash and drumroll as I prepared our featured rookie produce of the week - hothouse cucumbers.  Oh I enjoy cucumbers.  Actually I have a story from when I was in Alaska.  I stayed with many wonderful people who went out of their way to make me feel comfortable and trying to prepare meals with my uncommon food restrictions.  At the time I was eighteen and I didn't eat pork, red meat, or caffeine (that's right no chocolate) for about six years.  I also missed home comforts and our kitchen staples.  When you grow up with certain pantry items you assume everyone has them all the time.  Not the case.  We were staying in a fishing cabin and as we were guests we rarely shopped for our meals.  They were provided so no room to really complain.  But that also means we had little say in our meals.  I remember the host offered cucumber slices.  I went bananas.  Something fresh and raw that I like.  It was cool and crisp and tasty.  I used to dissect my food.  I didn't like food to touch and liked flavors separate.  I ate the non favorite items first and left my favorites for the end.  Meaning sub sandwiches I would eat the lettuce and tomato first (wasn't a fan) and then the meat and then the yummy cheese and maybe some of the bread.  Or salads I would pick out the tomatoes and gulp them down, olives, and then left the one or two cucumber slices with a little ranch for near the end , right before the croutons.  And when the host offered such a simple treat it brought back that joy of a simple treat and comfort of home.  My mom makes me a special creamy cucumber salad (that to this day I am not sure if anyone else in our house liked it). 

So I tried to marinate my Hothouse cucumber today.  Something cooler to go against the warming cozy squash.  It was okay.  I enjoyed the cucumber the peel is not very thick.  And the cucumber has length (at least 16 inches).  Not too many seeds, mellow flavor.  But I didn't pick the best marinade.  A recipe suggested an onion to accompany the cucumber but we were down to our last onion in the house and who doesn't love some caramelized onions on their burger - especially if it is bunless :)  I used a white wine vinegar with some fennel seed (which gives it a licorice kick at the end), pepper, onion powder to accomodate the missing veggie (poor substitute choice as you need the bite of onion more than the flavor), a little dill (because it's a friendly well-known flavor to the cucumber) and a pinch of a sugar.  It needed to marinade a little longer with a little more sweetness.  Which possibly could have come from the onion.  Good produce, poor choices. 

It was a tasty meal and our adventures in the kitchen is bringing my hubby closer.  Not only do we share discussion of how to prepare items and a chance to rub shoulders but to build memories and traditions. Since I am a romantic at heart I love having a cheesy unified foundation to share with our son as he grows older.

May your HealthFULL Journey help you discover your simple pleasures, form heartwarming traditions, and joy. 'Til we meet again. . .

And God Laughs. . .

You remember the last good joke you heard?  Do you notice the difference of your reaction from the first time you heard the joke from the second?  I am talking a doozy of a joke that you can't wait to repeat and even when telling it you chuckle because you know the punchline.  Well God decided to share a joke with me - we'll call it Friday the 14th :)  Oh  how God chuckled throughout the day knowing the punchline.  I however nervously tittered throughout the day with a few tears springing to my eyes as I "waited" with anticipation for the punchline.  Let's see if you appreciate the punchline. . .

Now I have been recently diagnosed with diabetes and I am treating the diagnosis as not a horror show tragedy but a wake up call.  So like a good girl I have been to the doctor and following up as requested.  I had labs scheduled for a quick draw of blood after fasting to see where my body stands now: Cholesterol, Iron Levels, and so on.  No problem I pass the hospital on my way to work.  I'm in, I'm out, and bada bing on the way to work.  Oh but see I did not realize that I had a day of fun planned.  As part of my follow up my doctor requested that I drop off my blood sugar numbers from the previous week and half to see how I am doing.  I drop off the numbers and found out that I was early to my lab appointment as I was suppose to be there where I dropped off the numbers.  I thought I was suppose to go across the street.  Bonus for me - Today is my lucky day (God must have just roared at that thought!)  The receptionist tells me to take a seat and I will be called shortly.  Tick tock goes the clock over and over - the minutes slowly tick away.  Well here comes ten o'clock the time I am suppose to BE AT WORK.  Thirty minutes have passed and still no one has called my name.  And just as I am about to stand up to see what is going on a technician walks out and calls my name and another person's.  I think. . . It was quietly spoken, and the technician did not come into the waiting room, just the hallway and I have a semi popular last name. I go to the spot that I think I heard my name.  Nobody there and the doors have shut to the lab.  I look around questioningly - like a lost puppy and a woman who looks like she means business comes out of a different doorway looks me up and down - I must have passed the test of someone who looks like they are ready to have blood drawn - And barks out "Sullivan?"  Yes ma'am reporting for duty ma'am.  Let's do this and then an older lady catches up to us and follows us.  And then we both go into the lab room passing the lab waiting room.  I think "Oh, maybe I was supposed to wait there. Maybe that's what the receptionist meant when she said "have a seat".  She probably meant " go around these cubicles, take a right , walk down the hallway, go through the double locked doors and take a left and have a seat in the lab waiting area."  I just miss such obvious directions.  I have never had a double date when I have had blood drawn.  Not a huge fan I must say.  I am a bit nervous to have my own blood drawn (this may be because it usually takes several attempts, a couple of insults due to small, wiry, twisty veins, and a few bruises).  The other lady gets to go first so I get to be extra nervous. I'm from the North where we tend to be conservative and pride ourselves on letting everyone have their privacy unlike the tendency in the South to be open and personable, and share personal details.  I am trying to look at the floor, the ceiling, look "friendly" but not nosy.  She gets to leave quickly.  And then my turn.  But wait to keep things moving they call back another person.  No problem.  Oh but it is an elderly lady with a daughter as her escort.  A feisty daughter who starts to get into a passive agressive verbal battle with the technician.  Awesome.  Please upset the lady who is about to draw my blood.  Thank you. Wait, what is the technician grabbing.  A cup?  Oh no no no! I was not told about this part.  I am suppose to just have blood drawn.  Nope a urine sample too.  Yippee!  This Friday morning is getting better and better and I am already ten minutes late to work plus the drive. I hurry out of the clinic after my morning of fun.  Get to my truck and turn the key.  Roar of engine oh wait.  No that is the sound of nothing.  Turn the key again.  Yeah that is not the sound of a running engine.  Okay I will call hubby.  Cell phones are great.  No answer. I'll try again. Nope still no answer.  Keep it together Suzy!  Alright I will walk home as I don't live too far.  I drive by the hospital everyday and count it three blocks away.  In reality it is closer to a mile and half.  A little morning jaunt, with my purse, my lunch, my sweatshirt, and my bright blue bandage over where blood was drawn.  I was grateful to my shoe choice as they were canvas tennis shoes and not dress shoes.  Look at me still smiling.  And I even laughed with God.  How fun I am getting my work-out this morning.  Did I mention it was a fasting blood draw?  So I am starving and walking home,  I reach my hubby on the phone half way home - he is getting ready for work and it will be faster for me to walk home then him to finish getting ready and grab our son and drive to pick me up.  I agree (in a mumbly sort of way - the novelty of being assertive and seizing the opportunity is dwindling away with each passing step.).  I reach home and greet my favorite guys.  Who my son laughed in delight, my husband laughed, (God must have already shared the punchline with them) and I did that half smile/half cry.  We hop in the car and check on the truck.  My hubby is able to jump start the truck.  Yay hubby.  And we test out his handi-work.  We turn off the truck and try to restart it.  No go!  Okay we jump the truck again, victory!  But both of us work about fifteen miles away from home - interstate wise- not really safe to drive a vehichle that requires a jump start to get moving.  We get the truck home.  We then drop our son off for daycare and then drive my hubby to work and then I turn around to go to work. 

God was enjoying how he was building the punchline that he added a couple hours of extra fun.  As I was checking back in with work running close to three hours late - FANTASTIC! I find out I have three days worth of work sitting on my desk.  At this point - this simply can't be true.  I knew my boss was joking.  Except she wasn't laughing.  I got off the phone and was done.  I no longer carried the smile on my face, or the nodding of the head like good one.  No in my heart I felt like how a ticklefest goes one second to long, the teasing one time too many, or the prank that has too much clean-up.  Moments that were meant for levity that go so wrong in the blink of an eye because reality became too much.  That workload was the straw that broke the camel's back.  Because   I had been looking forward to three hours of uninterrupted time at home by myself before this day started.  Three hours of no cleaning, no listening for the baby, or helping my husband.  But just some quiet me time.  And when I heard that work announcement - poof the dream floated away. 

I arrived at work - late, knowing what awaited for me.  Yet, I was in a bit of denial.  I was hoping there had been a misunderstanding, a little stretch of the truth, or even that the work fairy had waved their magic wand.  But no, there was that much work to do (Secretly I still hoped to sneak out for a little hour or two of peace and quiet at home).  Here we go.    My office was phenomenal coming to my rescue but the hours flew by and my dreams faded away.  I worked up to the minute that I had to leave to pick up my son and then drive fifteen miles out of the way to pick up hubby.  And finally, home.  Sweet sweet home. 

What's the punchline?   Well the night before my hubby and I prayed the same prayer.  Our little one was under the weather, tugging his ears and running a fever.  We know he is teething but weren't sure if he was doing these things in response to that.  Or not feeling well.  As mommy do I keep him home and stay with him?  Or send him to his grandma's.  So the prayer we both said was "God please keep our son healthy.  And make it "PERFECTLY CLEAR" what Suzy should do with her day".  Get it?  God never gave me a moment of doubt about where I was supposed to be.  Our son slept soundly throughout the night and woke up with no fever so I didn't have to worry about if I should keep him home or not.  From the minute I woke up until the minute I got home I was on autopilot.  I had choices in my day but not really.  I could have waited at the hospital and not walked home.  But I possibly could have missed my hubby as his cell doesn't receive all calls.  We could have driven the truck but wouldn't know what would happen.  My choices left little doubt what to do and where to be.  I told you God laughed.  But then he knew the punchline.  Now I can tell the story with a smile because I too know the punchline and its a doozy.

May your HealthFULL Journey be filled with punchlines and laughter.  'Til we meet again. . .

Holla for Hula

Oh yes all, it is Thursday which tends to be the day I return to the library and pick out my exercise DVDs for the week.  I will be lifting with Miss Jillian Michaels and for super fun I dared to Hula.  After the Bellydance debacle, "Bring it on!"  And this journey is about learning so before I got distracted by the Hula title I sought out that important word "BEGINNER" , That's right, I am not going to get frustrated right off the bat and my reward I saw the whole DVD through.  I learned the basic seven hula steps and let me say I swung my hips with the grace of a hippopotamus, but not any hippopotamus the dancing hippo from Fantasia :)  It was beautiful as the instructor said I would be dancing like an Island Girl in no time.  I felt connected as I squated in tears and was ready to hit power off, she whispers, "Hang in there, You can do it!" Our connection was so strong, she might as well have said "Suck it up Suzy, we are gonna see this dance all the way through!"  That's what I heard.  And so for thirty-three minutes, I swung, stretched, sweated, shook and swayed my hips.  I definitely grasped a lot more of the moves than the Bellydancing moments.  Bollywood still has been my favorite find.  You may wonder why I am drawn to the dancing DVDs but if I was to admit my "quiet hidden secretive" childhood dream, I would have to confess I have always wanted to be a dancer. I used to pull out Grease, Electric Bugaloo 2, Parent Trap 3 (I believe it was a Janet Jackson dance number), Dirty Dancing (who didn't replay this a million times), Sleeping Beauty, and would mimic the dance (perfectly executed in my head, maybe 20% accurate in reality, especially since my dance partner tended to be a three foot futon cushion :)  So as I journey to a more HealthFULL life I am living my dream, in a distance land so far away known as my living room.  So bring on the Bellydancing, Bollywood, and let's Holla for Hula!

  May your journey lead you closer to your dreams and bring Health to a FULL circle in your life. 'Til we meet again. . .

Wrapping up the travels

It is so exciting to travel and experience a change; the atmosphere is different, the cuisine is different, the people are different, and with all this different therefore it is easy to assume we are different. Our worlds are different, we're forced to let go of everyday comforts. We traveled for quite a while in the car took some breaks to stretch, re-set moods, and energize. Upon hours and hours on the road I didn't focus on squeezing in my twenty minutes of work-out so after we unpacked, ordered a pizza (because we were just not cooking!) I grabbed work-out gear and hit the Wii. I missed my goal by 1.2 pounds but have lost another 3.8. I am officially the weight of my first official dr. visit for my pregnancy. So now I am really ready to start the HealthFULL Journey :) It is time to Fully Understand Life by Living. Still doing baby steps still slowly letting go of food comforts and lack of movement tendencies. I squeezed in my twenty minutes and headed to pizza. But here are the food victories. On a vacation I usually go hog wild, just pedal to the medal of calories. If it is a morsel that I feel I can't have back home then it is free game. And when we stop at familiar places extra high calorie treats are consumed without a second thought. I had an ice cream cone and pizza. I don't feel guilty because I have came a long way and still have a ways to go on how I view food. But not too long ago I would have had two milkshakes and extra dough pizza. But today I did the impossible for me. I ordered crunchy thin pizza. I have never in my life ordered extra thin crispy dough. That's like a cracker to me. I love dough/bread. That is sometimes the best part of the pizza. I hesitated when ordering which must drive my hubby crazy. Just do it! So I did and yes I missed the bite into pillowy doughness. But was super pleased with the non bloating effect. I usually stuff, okay honestly gorge myself on pizza and then go uh! I feel so full. Blech. But not today with plenty of pizza to spare. That was an empowering feeling. and the Ice cream cone was a sweet treat that was easily sixty percent less calories than if I ordered a large shake. So yes, it would be great if I was completely off junk food and fast food. But I am taking steps to change my life so that I don't run back to comforts but say good bye to them at my pace and gain control over my cravings and choices than run and hide. Life is full of temptation and you can only dodge so many hits. Sometimes you have to look it squarely in the face and say "I'm stronger than you and no longer fall for your easy taunts. If I choose to partake, it's my choice, not yours." May your HealthFULL Journey help you gain power and strength to run your life and not run from it. 'Til we meet again. . .