Not my finest hour

Not my finest hour

Oh, the grumbling stomach holds such power!

And then leads me to not my finest hour;

But was my stomach uttering a grumble?

Or was it more a mumble?

So instead I allowed my taste buds

To taste and taste seeking out the duds.

Seeking out the dud flavors for an excuse to eat more

And more and more until my tummy mumbles too full and very sore!

Calorie after calorie slips down my throat.

Each nibble receiving a vote

but tough competition as there was much to compare

No counting calories today - I wouldn't even dare.

But feeling frustrated and today was looking like a big fail

Lets measure the damage and step on the scale

Oooooh worse than I feared

My eyes sort of teared

This week I felt a bit lazy

and then today ate crazy!

I admit today was not my finest hour.

It would be so easy to find a corner and just cower,

But in the end that won't do much good.

So, I realize my choices and accept my mood.

Let's pick up and plan to do better - starting now!

Understand that not every moment is a wow;

But that every second can hold hope.

With that kind of thinking I can cope.

Today was not my finest hour,

But with a little focus I can regain my power.

Which means time to gather my pep,

And move forward towards health - step by step. 

I wrote this little rhyme because today I snacked and munched like there was no tomorrow.  And if I continue to eat like I did there will be fewer and fewer tomorrows.  That's a pretty sobering thought.  I told myself I was hungry but my stomach more than once said - NO MORE!  And the scale wasn't kind.  But I needed that tough love today.  If someone doesn't exercise and doesn't eat right the scale isn't bound by the rules of friendship.  So I am getting organized, minimizing the chaos, and hiring myself a trainer.  Well maybe not hiring but letting my 18 month old share his wisdom as he finds the fun and play in being active and also acting as my mirror 24/7 with his mimicking ways.  Today wasn't my finest hour but tomorrow will be lots better :)

May your HealthFULL journey highlight your weaknesses so that you can improve them.  May your HealthFULL journey also display your strengths.  Because everyone has both - and it is the wise people who learn to use both. 'Til we meet again. . . 

Keeping things Currant

I thought this would be a good time to touch base and discuss how the resolutions are going.   As we are in that dreaded two and half week zone.  Three weeks to make the resolution a habit.  But the "newness" factor wears off at two weeks and I have been hit by the don't wannas and fuhgedaboutit.  BUT I push myself to keep on track.  The best thing I ever did was to be specific.  The goals where I can do a little bit every day is getting checked off my to do list.  The once a month goals have been glanced at from time to time.  On this HealthFULL (Finally Understanding Life by Living) Journey I have learned that I do better with deadlines.  You need me to do something in a week, a day, an hour; Done and done!  You need something done at my convenience or whenever; not happening it gets lost, forgotten, or buried under more pressing matters - like pinterest.com and reality tv. 

To keep track of my 12 resolutions I bought a calendar date book that lists a week on two pages - starting with Monday and running through Sunday.  I printed up a mini version of my resolutions for the front cover and write down the corresponding number on the calendar date.  This way with a glance I see what I accomplished in a day or what got ignored during a week.  It is really motivating to see a visual reminder and even more motivating to see the visual of the baby steps of completing a task.  I have really enjoyed the number one resolution of being grateful every day and actually write my blessing down for the day.  Most days by actually remembering my day I easily write down two or three blessings that were especially touching.  Think of it as sprint journaling.  Also my two other daily goals of reading the Bible in a year has been enjoyable as I skip around wherever the Spirit leads.  My Bible shared the tip if you read three chapters(not verses as that wouldn't be enough and not books because that would be extremely daunting but chapters - which is completely doable!) daily Monday - Saturday and then on Sunday read five chapters.  This is the pace I have been following and only one day did I miss as I wasn't feeling really well but caught up the second day.  It is best to not get too far behind or these resolutions stop being goals and more like anchors!  Also I like a record of when I exercise.  It is easy to twist facts when they are only floating in your head.  I think I exercised five times last week for an average of thirty five minutes a day.  I'll count that.  But in pen it holds more weight.  Oh it was only four days blah blah blah.  You get the message.  The calendar helps me stay accountable and motivated.  Great tools when you have many goals in a variety of your life. 

Also we are keeping record of my favorite tradition/goal.  The new produce or grain of the week.  Look at the title of this post?  No I didn't have a spelling mistake.  This week's fruit was red currants.  They were an easy pick for my hubby and me as we have heard of these berries but never really have seen them.   Oh they were gorgeous in the grocery store.  The red was so bright and inviting and the berries are tiny.  They look like mega rubies.  I must confess though as I was decieved as they looked sweet as they reminded me of champagne grapes (size-wise).  I also expected the skin to be a little tough as the red was so bright with a shiny luster - I expected almost tomato skin with that bit of a bite.  Nope!  They are tart little bursts of juice.   It was as if I was eating the pomegranate arils.  Which I enjoy - but only when my taste buds are expecting that sour burst of juice.  I was expecting a tough sweet berry.   Alright what to do with these berries?  I had so of planned on serving them with our spinach salad for dinner.  However, my hubby is not the biggest fan of tart/sour flavors.  So I headed to our trusty computer and searched for a recipe.   Not a lot of varying recipes for the red currant.  Big contenders were jellies (as the berries have a natural pectin most sites mentioned) and pies.   I have never made a jelly in my life (adore buying homemade jellies from bazaars and farmers' markets but haven't invested in the canning supplies for myself.  So pie it is.  Not the healthiest choice but was  a mighty tasty one.  Really simple fruit pie which I added a little bit of blueberries and strawberries with the currants.  As these are flavors we enjoy, and we didn't have a lot of currants to fill an entire pie.  Even my 14 mo. old son tried a couple.  Which proved to me he is truly a texture taster.  Also he helped himself to the berries when we mixed the pie "together". 

It is fun to feel in control of my life or at least that I am gaining back control.  That I have a say in what I do and that I am making choices that create a better version of myself. 

May your HealthFULL Journey bring you flavors of sweetness to soothe and sourness to motivate. 'Til we meet again. . .

The Broken Umbrella

Oh if my life was a movie this week... cue into the closing scene where a woman walks down the sidewalk in front of her office building with a bounce in her step and a giggle on her lips.  Now if this truly was a movie the woman would be 5' 11" just over a hundred pounds in a gorgeous trench coat- fantastic make-up and perfectly coiffed hair possibly a french twist, mega watt smile with a confident stride and the background a slight sprinkle of rain with a touch of sunlight.  But before we go into the fade back let's really examine the final scene.  Because this blog isn't a movie but about my real  HealthFULL journey on how I can Fully Understand Life by Living which means there are lots of these moments.  Here is the true final scene: A heavy set woman, no make-up, a quick ponytail, an awkward pace to her gait, and a giggle bordering between hysteria or tears, with an open broken umbrella and a gloomy gray sky with spurts of wind. Now the choices that lead into this scene.

Its Monday because this is real life and real life seems to come together harshly this particular time of the week.  We are approaching wintertime here in the South and instead of facing a harsh blizzard we tend to see a lot of drizzly depressing rainy days.  This would be one of those days.  I hate driving the truck in rain.  The accelerator tends to stick when it gets a little chilly and the automatic truck pretends it is a bucking bronco. Not fun!  But as I pull into our parking lot - wait for it I actually have an umbrella on me.  This is news because for seven years of our marriage - my husband and I did not own a single umbrella.  But I now own one that matches my purse.  Fancy I know!  My hubby calls it my little umbrella and I love it...or I did, but I am getting ahead of myself.

Work begins and time passes.  The minutes tick down and the clock is nearing break time.  Oh I so have the Monday blahs.  Its cold out and rainy.  No walk I pout, stomp, and whine I don't wanna.  But don't want to do something doesn't mean I can't.  That I am physically unable.  And I realized that as an adult I can't give into my teenage rebellion or even my child-like tantrum just because I don't feel it.  Sometimes we have to weigh our wants vs. our goals vs. our needs.  I didn't want to walk but after my high blood sugar reading (the highest I have had in over a month) I needed to walk and that my goal is to lead a healthier lifestyle.  Well grab the umbrella because we are going for a walk : sunshine, rain, or snow pull on the tennis shoes we're hitting the pavement.  Did I have other options then walking outside?  Absolutely!  I could have walked the steps in our five story building (they are bit daunting and creepy).  I also could have stretched in my cubicle for fifteen minutes but who wants to create that kind of scene.  No I'll take my cute little umbrella and walk.

It felt good the first break.  There is something about the smell of rain that is energizing as everything is refreshed.  The confidence building as I did something good for myself and I didn't even want to do it.  But I dug deep and accomplished my goal.  Its that first step willing to embrace the activity, isn't it.  I convinced myself go outside.  If you only walk once around the building so be it.  But my body craved movement and once the first step happened it was easier to follow it with 1500 more.  Great first break.

The day continues on and the afternoon break looms before me.  I silently debate my options.  I already had fifteen minutes under my belt.  Do I really have to commit another fifteen in the rain?  Yes because I knew I was working late, when I get home I will be exhausted and on mommy/wife time.   So if I wanted to get my full thirty minutes in for the day this would most likely be my last shot.  Plus it really was refreshing the first break.  Grab my tennis shoes and adorable umbrella one more time.  Hmm...the grayness seems a little darker.  The wind has picked up a little speed and an extra chill as I sink a little deeper into my coat.  One time around the building done.  I am feeling a shot of pride, a bounce in my step as my confidence grows and as I am too busy applauding myself a lot happens.  I notice the wind is picking up my umbrella and flinging it around.  I see one of the spokes has bent and then one final gust pulls the umbrella out of my hand as I simultaneously trip over the sidewalk.  (The same sidewalk that I have walked numerous times all of a sudden has a crack that raises three inches off the ground just enough for my shoe to catch it and stub my toe).  I lose the umbrella to the ground as I stumble three steps forward bracing myself for the inevitable fall and side step my umbrella (I don't want to break it) and the wind carries my friend away into the street into upcoming traffic as I twirl to catch both my balance and in a half-hearted attempt to catch my little umbrella.  I watch in horror as a SUV comes racing down (or driving normal speed)  bee-line towards my umbrella and I wondered if there was any possible way my umbrella could be spared and if not; Can an open umbrella hurt a moving SUV?  There was something child-like as I wanted to race into the street and save my priced possession like a child does their ball.  But miracles of miracles the umbrella is spared.  I grab the umbrella and race to safety.  As I turn the final corner towards my office building.  It was like I was not only in a movie but a cartoon as I look up into my umbrella.  As I gaze upwards one spoke (not the bent one) drops into two pieces.  I try to close the umbrella to see the damage and there is one side that sticks out now with the two pieced spoke and the bent spoke and I do the only thing that seems natural.  I giggle at my blessed misfortune.  Yes I tripped.  I lost my umbrella.  And my umbrella broke.  But I walked for thirty minutes.  I actually had a working umbrella for 28 of those minutes.  My umbrella did not get run over (and I didn't have to pay for any damage towards an expensive looking SUV).  And though I tripped, I didn't fall nor sustain any true injury. Well a little bruise to the pride as I was beginning to think I was all that and a bag of chips.  But a near fall and a broken umbrella bring me back to reality.  So Broken Umbrella thank you for the memories, the lessons, and the humility.

May your HealthFULL Journey be full of opportunities that lift you up and catch you when you fall. 'Til we meet again. . . 

Stupid Pothole!

You've seen 'em.  But have you fallen trap to the potholes in your life?  I am talking figuratively and literally here.  It has been two weeks and the real life pothole I hit still haunts me and my car.  With the holiday season I feel I am hitting a lot of potholes.  I have tried to throw on a smile, count my blessings, and hope for better.  But sometimes you need a moment to acknowledge and even yell at the pothole.  The pothole caused me stress in several ways.  I was driving to work early.  Which right there tends to not work in my favor.  We had been told to come in an hour and half late.  I figured I could at least be on time if not a tish early.  I am driving down the interstate.  Go to switch lanes as I am not a right lane driver.  And as I begin to accelerate to switch lanes, I check my blind spot only to turn in enough time to see my car is about to hit a huge pothole.  I have enough time to tense my body and see the pothole but not enough to react.  Ker-PLUNK.  Oh no.  Please Onyx the Smokemobile be okay.  Please.  PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE!  Okay all tires still moving three seconds past the kerplunk.   Maybe just maybe I can breathe normally again.  Oh no here comes the exclamation point light with a loud series of beeps.  This means my car is upset with my choice and needs pronto care.  I have accepted in this world there are three topics that my brain does not compute.  I have accepted and try to avoid the topics.  You can use kindergarten language and I will not comprehend possibly my ignorance, possibly my stubbornness.  Those three topics are : Directions (I married a human compass), Computers(Ironic as I do data entry for my job), and Cars (sad because I have had lots of car problems in my lifetime).  So when my car yells at me.  I pull over on the INTERSTATE.  Because this doesn't happen on a nice quiet suburb street with speed limits of 25 mph.  But where the speed limit is 60 and you know people are passing me at 80 mph easily.  I scoot over my car seat to examine my tires.  What am I looking for?  I have no idea.  A huge gash, I touch the tires firmness, kick a few and climb back into my car to call my husband and cry.  This is how I handle car problems.  I used to call my dad but now with my mature age I call my spouse.  I am thinking of any way in the world he could handle this problem and I could be on my way to work.  In less than a year I have had to call my work and explain my abscence/tardiness on car problems at least three maybe four times.  All true.  But still how understanding can my company be?   But my hubby convinces me to put on my big girl britches and get the car to the tire place.  However with my crying and procrastinating the tire has begun to leak.  I now officially have a flat tire as I find out as I start driving on the interstate.  I beg for the car to hold on.  As I slowly descend on the front driver side.  As I wait at the stop light at the first available exit ramp where the tire place is located I feel my car slowly shift down.  Even a fellow driver lowers his window to offer his expertise that my tire is indeed flat.  I nod with my teary eyes and he thumbs ups me.  Good I am glad our exchange has warranted a thumbs up.  I felt like a hand gesture as well but as I had a death grip on the steering wheel in determined prayer and hope that the car will just last to the car place.  I reach my destination (thank you GPS for your assistance).  I grab my tire consultant.  He escorts me to my car and asks if I was using my spare but he was able to answer his own question.  Thank goodness as my eyes already moisten over with my lack of knowledge.  Did I just hurt my tire which we have a lifetime guarnantee as we have had three nails in the tire issue again in under a year (thanks neighbors for all getting your roofs redone!)  Oh no I damaged two rims pretty severely and as they can't match the rims exactly we might want to purchase four new rims.  Oh goody.  Stupid pothole!  He helps me and in ten days the tires worked well.  I was a little late for work but life went on.  But starting Thanksgiving.  We hear this rubbing, colliding, tumbling sound from the rear tire.  We take it in to the tire shop not once but twice.  The experts hear nothing.  To me and my husband it sounds like we are about to lose the wheel on left handed turns and big bumps in the road.  I could probably drive it to work but I am opting for the older truck (1995 vs 2008).  I don't think work would appreciate a fourth call pertaining to vehichle issues.  And I am not willing to risk my safety on two different interstates with the mystery sound.  Stupid pothole!    So you have hear my literal pothole issue. 

Let's discuss those figurative potholes.  Those food temptations that are too powerful to ignore.  Those emotional triggers that cause rash reactions.  Those stressful issues that overload positive actions.  Those demanding unexpected bills that require as much attention as the routine bills.  And illness that renders daily schedules and lists useless.  I have recently dealt with a cold but what was even more demanding of attention was my son's illness.  My poor li'l guy.  It's official he has dealt with his first illness and it was a doozy.  A rising temp nearing a 104 degrees F (I was terrified as I touched the back of his neck and it burnt my hand), an ear infection, bronchialitis with major congestion and trouble keeping his milk down.  Like I said poor guy.  With my cold and my pothole I was mustering through what I could.  But shut down the world when my son got sick.  He gained my whole attention and everything else faded into the background.  Another pothole. 

Things are improving and thankfully my son is rebounding well.  I have been beating myself up over the backward steps and the non movement forward on my healthfull journey.  Playing the scenarios in my head of different choices I could have made in attempt of missing the potholes.  Sure I could have missed some of them but in return I might have hit others even harder.  I have to remind myself.  The potholes happened. They can't be erased and more will appear.  I can try to swerve but sometimes they can't be avoided.  We have to deal with the repercussions and only once the mess is contained and handled can we press forward once again.  So slowly I am evaluating my position.  How many steps backward did I take?  And how quickly can I get back to the journey? 

May your healthFULL journey contain few potholes.  But when it does I pray that you will gain strength, wisdom, and that you remain as unharmed as possible.  'Til we meet again . . .

Mutiny within the household

Oh it is time to change some things up in this household.  I must remind myself how much I love my pets.  Because between the pets and my son - my life has been crazy!!!  Mutiny was declared three days ago.  I believe the cat started the charge (my dog and cat are real life examples of Garfield and Odie) and pressured the puppy to do his bidding.  And the baby is starting to observe more and followed their lead.  Three mornings ago, I had a rough time sleeping which I believe is when I wrote the blog Buried Alive.  I then crawled into bed knowing I had exactly five hours to sleep which is perfect for me.  I can function and still be halfway pleasant.  Oh but the forces of the animal kingdom and the angelic lil' boy had decided to put their plan into effect.  As I crawl quietly into my sheets and trying so hard to not to disturb my amazing hubby (who really LOVES sleep) I gently lower my head unto my pillow and just about to sigh the sigh of sleep descending onto my body.  Yelps begin to crescendo quickly and loudly from the foot of the bed.  It was my dog catching her toe nail in her collar.  This has happened a total of five times in her two and half years with us but is an unmistakable sound.  I am in the beginnings of a sleep haze trying to figure out how to react.  I first reach for her but then realize I can't see her (sleep fog, she's black and it's dark).  It will be hard to disengage her without hurting her or myself.  So I fling the bedside lamp on and fling myself back to the foot of the bed where it appears she has disengaged herself.  I can't imagine but this little interaction between the dog and me woke my hubby.  Crazy!  So I flung back to turn off the light (after double-checking my puppy, readjusting her collar, whisper soothing words) and scoot myself under the covers to try to appear as I have no idea why my husband has awoken with a start.  Guess what?  I am fully wide eyed awake.  So not good, we are now under the five hour window.  No problem, just de-stress. Breathe in, breathe out and don't focus on the ticking minutes.  I finally fall asleep in about a half hour window.  No problem I can make this work.  Three hours and twenty-five minutes later I am awoken to a puppy whine.  Someone appears to be hungry and/or half to go outside.  I imagine hunger and pretend to not hear the whine.  This may sound cruel but keep reading.  Two minutes later the whining is no longer outside my bedroom but two feet from my face.  I squeeze my eyes tighter.  The dog then begins to lick my foot (mind you my hubby sleeps closer to the door and he is not being disturbed).  Okay you win dog.  I let her out, feed treats to the cat, and then feed the dog.  I am exhausted and can still catch an hour to sleep if I go back to bed this instant.  I quickly return to bed, scoot under the covers, one flip to the side, bring on the dreams.  And the monitor begins to crackle with baby grunts, next baby sighs, then unto baby babbles.  My head is echoing protests of NOOOOoooooooo!  The baby 99% of the time always sleeps one hour later.  Please not this morning.  And then the alarm of the baby scream of one hungry lil' guy.  Mercy I give! No sleep for this mama.  I charge to his room and begin his morning routine including bottle.  I have about twenty minutes I could return to bed.  But my hubby awakens as the dog felt both of us should be awake (though he did get the wake up call an hour after mine). I put the baby down and crawl back into bed for the full ten minutes to chat with hubby.  I then get ready for work and my voice mail goes off.  Guess what I don't have to come into work until two and half hours later, good thing my dog woke me up and hour and fifteen minutes early so that I can be two and half hours late.  Seriously! (I did go back to bed for that missing hour and I was a much happier person after my nap/sleep).  Next morning it can't be this crazy right?  Oh this time the cat decides to take matters into his own paws.  I woke up two and half hours early.  Why?  you may ask because my cat literally pounced on my bladder.  Now you might think this wasn't on purpose (but that means A. you don't know my cat and B. he was standing beside me like he was about to give me CPR except was pushing on my bladder).  Thanks Smokey!  Of course I would like to get up at this time to give you your treats.  I was only sleeping, what a brilliant idea to get up one-hundred and fifty minutes early so you can have your treats.  I took care of the animals and once again returned to bed after gaining my pets permission.  And then this morning (Saturday) I was literally pushed out of my bed at four a.m. by the dog.  I woke up gripping the side of the bed and my dog rolled over and literally pushed my legs unto the floor. 

This is my proof that mutiny was declared (I am a little nervous of what will happen in my sleep tonight).  Most of us are familiar with the saying that pets and babies pick up our moods.  My family appears unsettled and tense which means I got to get my act together or the furry creatures and the seven month old are going to take control of the house.  (Let's be honest they have always ruled the roost, the difference is now they know they rule the roost!)  It's time to dig deep and figure out how to gain my footing.  And if I can't figure it out I got to fake the confidence to make it work around here.  Things don't have to run perfectly but it is time to get things ship shape before the mutiny sinks us all.

May your HealthFULL Journey strengthen your relationships and make you all better versions of yourself. 'Til we meet again. . . .