Do you have a voice? Do you use it? I don't always use mine. Sometimes in my more patient moments I wait more than my turn. I have had many vehicles honk at me during rush hour as I let other drivers in my/our lane. I have lost several opportunities at extra treats, momentarily rewards, and "roles" to let others have a chance. I want to step back so others can step forward. I try to wait a couple of seconds before I volunteer even when the job is not so glamorous. I have joked with a few people I make a great vice president or assistant manager. I don't shy away from responsibility but I don't need the shower of accolades. Or at least I tell myself this. Because we all appreciate a pat on the back, recognition for a job well done, or a thank you verbally or sometimes even more touching with a glistening look and a nod of the head.
I've realized I hate to cause others discomfort and I love to soothe other's aches/agony. I tell myself this brings pleasure as I tend to feel deep empathy. By bringing another comfort, I am actually making myself feel better. Maybe it is the golden rule - what I do is what I hope someone else will mimic to my benefit. Maybe I am more selfish than I admit. Maybe I am too scared to take the extra bit because I can't bear to hear other's disappointments/ critiques. Whatever the reason is that I have gained a lot of my weight because I don't share my concerns, hurts, worries, disappointments, greed, excitement, anger, desires, and blah blah blah. Pretty much whatever I voice I filter. Which is why I try to blog everyday so that I don't have time to edit my choices. So that I can hit those issues that sit on my nerves.
I need to speak up so I stop stuffing my face. So I need to stop swallowing my guilt, my hopes, my hurts, my everything. I need to reduce the filter, risk exposure by dropping my armor, and speak up. I can't eat through another bag of potato chips to munch away my frustration. I can't continue to let pasta soothe my anxieties. I can't let my reward for all good work be sweets (especially ice cream). or the raiding of the pantries to overcome boredom. Oh this goal won't happen overnight (this blog alone makes me want to grab some cookies and cheese slices). But I am aware and need to refocus. I need better habits to replace these bad and long - lasting routines. I need to voice my concerns, seek rewards that don't include stuffing my mouth, and realize that I don't have to play second fiddle so someone else can play first.
May your HealthFULL Journey help you find your voice and a sense of tranquilty in those emotional moments. 'Til we meet again. . .
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