Workin' up a Sweat

 

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit,

who is in you, whom you have received from God? 

You are not your own; you were bought a price. 

Therefore honor God with your body. -- 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

 

 

Can I be honest?  This piece of scripture haunts me.  I have confessed there have been many binges and some more recent than I want to remember let alone admit.  We joke about my downfalls in our home.  The foods that call my name at all hours when in the house and have a direct line to my Sal the Snacker (Chips (no self-control!!! nada - zilch!), Ice Cream (some control but little) and Pop has a hold I can't even describe!) I ban them I invite them I kick these foods out of the house again and there is that one moment of weakness and they move in their brother's wife's cousin's dog's best friend and everyone down the line.  I crave, I rationalize, I promise, I threaten, I ignore, and then I break down.  This can be agonizing.  And then I giggle when someone mentions I forgot to eat today - don't you hate that?  I nod and chuckle as if I am "in" on the joke but I'm giggling because I cannot fathom a day in this world where I would forget a snack let alone a day worth of meals!  I eat out of nervousness I am not 100% sure if that counts as emotional eating.  Because my anxiety can turn any moment into a nervous activity which then gives me permission to chow down.  Today a tongue in cheek confession was made to my husband as we joked about my temptations.  I will eat versions of those items that I don't even like because of what they say to me.  I remember drinking the world's grossest soda - It was blue and the name was something like blue mountain soda sparkling blue this was 10+ years ago.  It tasted like foaming carbonated paint thinner or some other household cleaner - rough stuff.  I believe I finished half a can and that is the only pop in this world I have not finished.  I used to find some diet sodas that tasted like soap but did I buy them more than once.  Why yes I did!  That has to say something - and probably not the nicest  or wisest comment. 

 

So what does this have to do with workin' up a sweat?  Well I recently stopped by the library for rejuvenation into the work-out world.  I started off strong this month promising myself I would do at least thirty minutes of dedicated on purpose working out so that anything extra was just bonus points.  I have dragged out the Wii that passively agressively reminded me that I have not visited in 253 days.  Why thank you Wii for noticing my absence - missed you too!  And then had the audacity to say I've gained 19 pounds in that time.  I guess the Wii Fit did not want me to visit again for another 253 days!  I have bonded again with the Walking DVD where my son believes he is meant to serve as my arm weight as he giggles along with the super peppy coach on the television screen.  Well that gung-ho attitude lasted a whole five days.  Then a couple more passed and I said "Suzy we have to make this work! The weight has to go and more importantly that blood sugar needs to get under control!!!"  I know in the logical world that exercise greatly impacts my blood sugar but when I am being pulled by Sal the Snacker and called by the cravings I leave logic blocked in a corner screaming for help!  Not that logic needs my help but it knows how much I need IT! And Logic wants to desperately help me in those desperate moments!   

 

So I tried to be pro-active and grabbed two DVDs from the library my free resource to dabble in movement.  One is a bellydance DVD which cracks me up (because at my size the belly dances pretty much all the time on its own  its just not quite in the manner people find attractive ;)  and a God inspired Sweating in the Spirit where we pull out the Hymns and the Gospel singers to motivate our movement.  The "coach" or "teacher"  quoted the above line quite often in the DVD.  Every time she said that scripture verse or the mantra " your body is your temple" - I winced.  Which is what we do when we view an action as dangerous or painful.  This wasn't her intention I'm sure.  She meant to be encouraging.  She was smiling and throwing up her arms in Glory to God.  And I was trying to sink into the floor away from God's gaze. 

 

Hmmmm....That kind of reaction deserves a ponder.  I say I want to beautify and strengthen my body, my temple in honor of God.  As a sign of respect!  That kind of thinking leads to work-outs which leads to so many wonderful options.  An instant gift is my son's reaction.  He is his Mommy's biggest cheerleader.  Certain DVD's cause him to giggle and copy mine and the television's instructor's movements.  Sometimes he finds it so delightful and entangles himself around me like a jungle gym when I do "fun" poses.  Such as straddling my legs or arching my back or creating a downward dog sort of pose that he can climb through and interact with me.  I love that!  I love when he discovers a new move or a new opportunity to see life from a new perspective.  These are the good moments when I am on my 'A' game and doing good.  But then I lose my hold on that scripture of empowerment and it becomes a blaming loud alarm as I stuff my face with bowl after bowl of potato chips.  The only growth besides my stomach is that chips at least last two days and not just one :( 

 

Oooh  If only I could hold unto the power of that verse.  That positive encouragement and reminder that fuels me to making good choices worth building up.  Instead of me sweeping it into dark corners as I run away distracted, confused, and blindly numbing myself with foods that clog and slow my journey instead of fueling me into the next stretch of positive growth.  Hmmmmmmm....

 

Day by day, moment by moment I trudge. 

 

Jesus looked at them and said, "with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." --Matthew 19:26 

 

God reach down and help me own the above scripture.  That my body is a temple to serve you to honor you and to always bring glory in your name.  I constantly fail in this area.  I turn away from the responsibility.  I hide my head in guilt and shame to avoid the pain this verse reminds of my failure.  I struggle God because I struggle never because my love for you falters.  Help me to remember to love what you gave me for life, my body and to treat it with respect.  Amen!

 

May your HealthFULL journey hold up a mirror to remind you of the areas where you are strong and where you have grown and a loving reminder of what still could use improvement.  Remember God loves you always where you are - God doesn't wait for you to lose ten pounds or until you can run a marathon.  God loves you right here, right now, and is waiting to hear your heart's desire and to witness ALL of your choices - the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful ;)  'Til we meet again. . . 

The Problem with Roots

The problem with roots is that you never know where they will end.  For my exercise today (which has not been daily as I am getting sporadic in this mission).  I told myself you are going to exercise young lady, you don't have to like it, love it, but you do have to attempt it.  If you quit after five minutes but so be it you are getting yourself moving.  So I approached my hubby with a fabulous idea.  It's been hundred degrees, humid, rainy, hot, icky weather and I mentioned to him it was cool outside early this evening.  His reply "Compared to what?"  Sweetly I smiled that wifely smile, "than today *insert giggle*". "Hmmm" I mused out load.  "We should work on the yard.  Our li'l one is down for a solid nap and looky here we both are available to work in the yard".  He harumphed but agreed to my suggestion.  As we got ready he looked at my bare feet and asked "Aren't you going to wear shoes?"  "Of course", I responded.  He then looked at my feet, again! And then looked at my face with that manly furrowed eyebrow questioning look and asked "Which shoes?"  And then I countered with a question, "Which shoes should I wear?"  He smiled and mentioned " I wouldn't wear flip flops."  "Oh? Really? But we're just going to be in the yard."  So for my work out I actually put on socks and tennis shoes.  Crazy idea!  We then get to the front door as I have now met the dress code.  I notice his hands are empty.  "Ummmm?  Aren't we going to need garbage bags? (Yup as a reply.) Okay, and aren't we going to need tools. (Sure he says).  Do we have tools? I inquired.  (Nope).  Sure we do, we must. (No we really don't).  Do we have work gloves?  (Shakes head).  Then why did you agree to work in the yard.  (He shrugged and replied I figured you could show me what you wanted and expected. We could pull the easy weeds). 

Can you tell from this exchange, neither of us are really green thumbs?  And we have become the house on the block that can grow weed trees like nobody's business.  What motivated this yard work is that I was throwing away some of our garbage and noticed the biggest mushroom I have ever seen.  It literally was the size of my cat's head (and he has a pretty big head!).  We bagged that mushroom and its nearby friend as our first official yard duty job.  Then we took a look at the back yard.  Oh sweet yard how I apologize for my ignorance and neglect.  You are so in need of TLC yard.  And I don't really know how to do that.  But I tried for a solid forty-five minutes, with a tired hubby (who has worked 21+ hours in the last two days), a medium size shovel, and a melted rake.  Good times!  We semi-cleared a path by picking up a huge branch and knocking down some four foot hollow stalks. We then came across a beginner tree.  Oh but looks are deceiving.  This pole had some strength and thriving trunk.  No bigger than an inch and half circumference of a trunk.  Oh but this bad boy had some roots. 

My hubby attacked with the shovel and began digging.  I then wrestled the beast to the ground.  Snapping the twig close to the ground.  Oh this has become war sapling as you try to trip me and then would not snap.  I pulled, I stomped, I kicked (remember we have limited tools), I twisted and you showed wear but did not break.  I then begged my hubby for the shovel and I dig, and hack and spear this shovel into your stupid trunk.  You weren't breaking.  We then attempted to uncover the roots.  Again we hack, we pull, we lift, and used whatever leverage we could imagine.  This became my soul mission outside.  I felt if we just uncovered the roots and could pull this tree free there was a life lesson worth knowing.  My husband was such an amazing sport but "Seriously, we need a game plan.  We are not going to stay out here all night with no tools with this tree and waste hours and accomplish nothing."  Oh on the contrary my love this tree is going down! There is a reason and we are going to tough this out together.  Like in the movies we were going to pull this tree out of the ground proving nothing is impossible, together we can do anything, and that we feel this pride and accomplishment.  Cue the hero music now!  But wait, "Snap" Ahhhhh it's the tree. No, its the shovel not meant to unearth trees with 3 feet of roots showing.  We have no idea what else is underground.  But three feet of thick, gnarly roots are unearthed for this four foot bean pole of a sapling.  My husband declares the game over, the tree wins, and now not only do we have to buy all the outside tools we need to add a shovel to the list.  My bad!  Oh I am so bitter at that tree.  It stands out there mocking me (bruised and laying on the ground as I did injure its branchy trunk).  But it still lives.  I stick my tongue out at you stupid tree with the big roots!

How often appearances are deceiving!  I saw that tree and figured between myself, my hubby, and our shovel; we could clear a second path into the back yard of forgotten plant life.  But no, this tree had to have crazy strong roots that are three four times the size of the sapling's trunk.  I have attempted getting to know me again as I travel this HealthFULL Journey, so that I can Fully Understand Life by Living.  I am trying to recall memories and events to figure out what paths I should have swerved differently.  I am milling through emotions, proud accomplishment, and past hurts trying to reveal how I got here.  Sometimes I will declare  uncovering certain memories a victory like a forgotten gem.  But I forget that under some of the dust isn't a polished stone but only a ball of mud.  Time does erase certain events and paint in rosy hues.  Recalling certain emotions is like pulling that tree.  The roots are so deeply embedded that they can't be uncovered all at once.  Its too much.  It needs time to stretch and breathe and release what is has been holding all these years.  So when you start digging and hit those roots.  Take a moment to soak in the moment, to let the root breathe so that it doesn't suffocate you with its tangled tendrils. 

May your HealthFULL Journey expose the old rotten roots so that you can plant new ones that are even stronger.  "Til we meet again. . .

Heart be Still

Heart be Still

There are moments that take your breath away.

A lot of moments in every day.

Some come with sweat,

Some with debt,

And some are the reward after a lot of fret.

Through the years

We shed so many tears

That wet our face

And with our sweat kept pace.

We get one life to live.

We can keep ourselves hidden or freely give.

Many of us choose the forbidden fruit

That does a number on those we love, our lives, and our birthday suit.

Our bodies are our only true witness.

To the world they whisper our choices, our neglect,  even our fitness.

With these secrets others determine our worth with a glance.

Are we worthy of friendship or courtship? Could we be worth the chance?

It is our image that we share.

Do we shun the world or invite others to care?

We beat ourselves up, we tear ourselves down, of ourselves we constantly judge:

And then after all that, we tell ourselves it's okay to eat fudge.

Few people care about the numbers on the scale;

Except for those that feel they fail.

So, if on that little box you feel like a whale

And that your body feels not like a temple, but more like a jail;

Then begin to move even if you're no faster than a snail.

Choose foods that naturally represent the rainbow

And that aren't fried and covered in dough.

One can change anytime until. . .

The heart be still.

 

Sleep means more than ZZZZZZZZ's

I am not the best sleeper.  This is sad to admit but I used to have pride in the fact that I function easily on five hours of sleep.  I convinced myself that it is better for me to sleep an odd amount of hours than a heap of even number of hours.  Bizarre but true.  I used to be able to function on three hours sleep three - four nights a week.  I'm not necessarily the best person I can be (little cranky, little emotional, little paranoid) but for the most part functionable.  Five hours used to be my dream amount of sleep.  (Get it? Dream! :) I was me.  Because that was my average.  Seven was luxury and nine was unbelievable.  If I did three hours three - four in a row I could do a marathon sleep of eleven hours.  In my quest to get healthy in WHOLE kind of way I have read some articles, books, etc. And a lot mention that heavier people tend to carry more weight.  You would think if we are staying up so late we would be burning more calories.  But not the case.  Us fully awake around the clock people tend to eat more and exercise less. Why?  Because we aren't sleeping because we aren't exhausting our systems physically and yet are losing control of our emotions tricking our appetites.  I have read the acronym "HALT" in several books so I am sorry if I am not giving proper credit to who originated this idea.  HALT means to evaluate before you commence eating.  Are you Hurt? Angry? Lonely? or Tired?  and for that reason are grabbing a snack?  If you're hungry go ahead.  Your body is telling you it has burned the calories and is ready to re-fuel.  But usually it is because of the other reasons listed.  When someone is tired they tend to graze without thinking.  Your appetite is ramped and your emotions wild and your control is exhausted due to lack of sleep.  It's amazing how a little rest can up your energy. 

My hubby took morning duty today with our son.  And though I awoke briefly to share a kiss with my two favorite guys I quickly returned to bed because I could.  Wow I had a fire lit ready to do some work.  For my work out I was tempted by my salsa DVD but will attempt that tomorrow.  Today I have been hounded by our two bathrooms needing a good cleaning.  So out I pulled my cleaning supplies and grabbed my son (not altogether).  I used different set -ups so he could watch me work.  The first bathroom was fun because he had a new perspective sitting in the hallway which he has never just sat there. Not much to see but to him it was a whole new destination.  Isn't it funny how we let our task list grow because of laziness, boredom, detestation, and really the project just doesn't take that long.  20 minutes and one bathroom down.  The other still needs the shower clean but otherwise the master bath is done.  It was getting late and my son was getting hungry (or bored or both ) :)  Also got some other projects done and even had dinner ready for hubby when he walked in the door.  Isn't that the nicest feeling in the world?  If you live with someone else and walk in the door after a long day or work, errands, social obligation, and you walk into aromas of supper ready to go.  Heavenly! in my opinion, one last hassle, feeling loved, and time to let go! 

And what is awesome I still have energy to go.  Because of this I had more stable moods and could be there if needed.  When we are too tired we can't take care of ourselves and that also means we certainly can't help those we love.

May your journey help you to Fully or Finally Understand Life by Living which means take time to rest, so that you can recharge and get back out there fully you at your best.  'Til we meet again. . .

Cleaning up my act

I was so excited for Friday night.  My hubby and I were going to party like we were a couple in their mid twenties basically meaning we were childless for a night as a grandma and grandpa offered their services for a night.  Yay us!  Oh so much fun was in store like - eating dinner when we wanted and no scheduling around our son's feedings and bedtime.  We could be as loud as we wanted watching tv or talking.  We could both just relax in separate rooms watch tv, listen to music, play on the computer and no one had to be on monitor duty or entertaining our lil' one.  And we could watch a movie uninterrupted, together!  Crazy times I realize.  I picked up a treat after work and was driving home with a big smile on my face.  I also had a lightbulb moment about my HealthFULL Journey to share with Corey.  I have become obsessed with this journey and myself (my actions, my emotions, my troubles,  me me me, my my my! Blech!) Focus equals great, intensity sometimes beneficial, obsession like Fatal Attraction means disaster!  So Friday I tuned out of all "me" business and started to observe my surroundings and keep things positive. I planned my Friday to be fabulous and myself to be friendly.  Oh I tried and fought my way through frustrating moments and kept my determination to turn outward, focus on my journey but stop obsessing about my bad luck.  I people-watched at the library which was fantastic.  There were some great people to observe.  I delighted in other people's quirks.  Let the Friday festivities begin as I walk into my house and before I can declare "let the good times roll".  I notice the footstool out of place.  Ummmm....Cor is everything alright?  His response "Yeah".  Mine: "Why is the footstool in the foyer?" His reply: "Oh it's really hot in here." Check thermostat - hmm yeah it's 84+ degrees in the house and the air conditioner is set on 70 that is pretty hot! So our romantic/fun night of freedom included the air conditioner man at our house at 8:30 at night, after we had 4 agencies on stand-by.  So this last week we have had the plumber out and the air conditioner people while waiting for the roofers to call back about their availability.  Awesome leaking roof, mushy carpet, and no air circulation.  Fantastic! Still smiling world - try to pi** in my cheerios but I am gonna grit my teeth and grin! We got our movie in and the house officially began to cool.  Simple fix that hubby of course suggested and I shot down instantly.  So with my pizza I ate some humble pie.  But Saturday is a new day.  I was going to exercise and eat healthier. And FOCUS not obsess!  I checked in with the grandparents and planned to work out before my son's arrival but realized how I could get some serious cleaning done with function of both arms and eyes.  So I turned the work out into cleaning.  In an hour I put away two loads of laundry, started another, swept, vacuumed, and played return - items scavenger hunt (returning items from one room to another and when entering drop off room gather items and return to their original spot. For instance 15 books had found their way into our bedroom that belonged upstairs, upstairs had loose socks, garbage, baby and dog toys, and so I returned the toys and then took big garbage outside).  It felt so good to get little things checked off the to-do list and build up a sweat. I could have done exercise by following one of my new library DVDs (which I so excited to try).  But because I was not obsessing on perfect HealthFULL Journey I could keep my focus but realize that yes I have other obligations.  If this isn't to be a diet (which it is not) but a lifestyle change (which it is) then I have to incorporate my efforts and intentions into my real life.  Yes there is time to pull out the DVD as some me time but there are other times to get creative.  Everyday is a lesson on this journey because I am Finally Understanding Life by Living and that means to me to stop being an observer in this world and being an active participant.

May your HealthFULL Journey lead you to focus on what truly is important.  May your journey help strengthen your awareness, awaken your passions, and lead you to true joy. 'Til we meet again. . .

Fifteen times two

Oh that's right folks I exercised a full thirty minutes.  My goal was fifteen minutes but hit thirty while breaking a sweat.  I forgot that sweat can feel good.  Your body is letting go of toxins because you are working it.  Not fun to sweat when one is just sitting inside an airconditioned house.  Which I have also experienced recently.  But to sweat because I actually grabbed my work-out gear and moved with purpose was wonderful.  I have a Bollywood DVD from the library and popped it in.  Now I didn't do all the jumps and adjusted as I saw best.  It's my body and it wasn't ready to leave the ground for a total of 55 times.  It did a little air, a few times.  Isn't it amazing when you place something on your priority list that it can actually get accomplished.  And I think it was a combo of the two but I felt so good.  A combo of actually moving my muscles who after working out for two months straight and then almost a month off were feeling neglected- cheered that I remember they needed some attention and purpose.  I also think my mood lightened because I wasn't feel guilty for ignoring exercise or postponing the work-out.  Having a little one motivates me to get priorities done in the a.m. when he is sleeping.  Because once he is awake my schedule is in the hands of a seven month old. 

Also my food victory was getting back into the habit of drinking water when home.  It wasn't the only beverage I consumed but it was an increase over recent weeks.  And that's great because we all got to start somewhere. 

So for Saturday I jumped, I sweated, and I reacquainted myself with my water tap.  It really is life's simple pleasures that keeps the world a happier place.  May your HealthFULL Journey spotlight your true desires, priorities, and blessings (big and small).  'Til we meet again. . .

Been There, Done That, Worth Repeating

Planning works.  I actually ate five plus servings of fruit and veggies, a little bit from all the natural color groups (except blue/purple).  By preparing my fruits I was able to eat produce with little effort and how nice to not plan, waste time, or energy running late and once again skipping the fruit/vegetables I know I should eat.  Lunch was delicious as my body could immediately feel the effects of true food.  I call it true food as I tend to gravitate to food in boxes, bags, and cans.  Stuff that comes from the ground is a welcome break.  I had a tasty lunch that included a sweet potato (trick - bake a bunch of them in foil and then store in the fridge for a couple days.  I then smashed one in a container and either eat it cold or heat for less than two minutes and I can enjoy the tasty flavor and the wonderful beta carotene.  I do warn you if you leave the potatoes in foil they will get a bit damp from the "steam" you created by baking and then cooling off.  And then I ate a salad somewhat resembling a Cobb Salad, a little meat, a little cheese and many veggies.  I dressed the salad this morning allowing the dressing to soak into the lettuce variety by lunch and still be flavorful.  However, I did pack some nuts separately as I love a little bit of crunch to my salad (wasabi peas, honey sesame sticks, and nuts all seem to work for me).  I also concentrated once again on drinking more water.  How funny and completely different are the results with just a little extra awareness.  It is easy for a day to pass and not realize the lack of produce I've consumed (or ignored might be a better word) until bedtime when it is too late to really make a difference.  So by 1 pm I had ate five veggies and fruits and drank sixty ounces of water.  I feel like I stumble upon something brilliant when I plan ahead.  I feel less rushed, more organized, and just ready for life's curveballs.  But then I need another reminder as I begin to quickly backslide into my familiar ways.

Back to bellydancing today.  It is a pretty intense work-out.  Well for me it is a pretty intense work out as I don't constantly push myself to sweat.  But as I try to wriggle and giggle I am also trying to catch my breath.  My hips still don't move like their hips tend to slither but I am actually able to follow the DVD and complete most of the moves, with some minor modifications.  Now that I went back to the DVD the first time I have started to feel it is a fun workout. 

I am drifting to lullaby town so I will bid adieu after a final wish of good night and pleasant dreams.  May your journey revisit pivotal and enjoyable moments.  'Til we meet again. . .