Under Construction!!!

Oh don't you just cringe at the sign "Detour Ahead"?   Blech!  And we all have our gripes about road construction.  But usually we all want the end results.  Yes we want the wider interstates so there will be less traffic jams and hopefully LESS car accidents.  But we hate the inconvenience.  I want the awesome results just don't mess up my daily routine to get them, right? 

Well as I tend to call this my healthFULL journey I am learning that I want the end results but that means I have to put in the extra work of adding detours and mapping out my new blueprints.  You don't go from 300+ pounds and in two weeks at optimum health looking great in a bikini.  (Although there are a lot of diet pills, scams, and books that want you to believe ANYTHING is possible ;)  But if I want the end result to be better for the future that means some uncomfortable detours now. 

First I have to listen to my body of today.  Yes I want my future lifestyle to include healthy eating and exercise to be my daily fun not my daily chore.  Its getting there, somedays I feel I am there at the end of the construction project and other days I look in the mirror and say "DANGER AHEAD!" . So first I have to eat for this body of today.  Not the one I had two years ago and need to let go of those comfort foods of past (pop/soda, chips, and sweet pastries) and I look forward to craving my daily needs of beans, greens, and little meat.  But not quite there.  Too much health food might have me running back towards the comforts of the past :)  I ate chinese two nights in a row.  Oh many of you know how I crave those sweet sauces, and fried tastiness.  How does this fit into my new blueprint.  One night we ordered in and one night we cooked it ourselves.  Our version twenty times tastier than the delivery version.  I don't know how fresh the restaurant's food is but I know exactly the freshness and what ingredients we cooked with. 

I want to get more active and I wish I could say that my family never overlooks the beauty of a beautiful day.  Today was a gorgeous day for a family walk.  We however ended up taking a family nap.  Which also can be healthy.  Obviously, we all needed a bit of extra sleep.  This is something we should either adjust at night or that we all do have a tish of a bug.  I am getting over a cold and my sweet darling son decided to puke on me three times in a row (there is nothing worse than sour milk).  It actually was this last incident that made me think of the detours we need to take for the betterment of our later journey.  His second bath for the night and my evening shower weren't necessarily on our agenda but when a detour pops up sometimes we don't have a choice but to follow. 

It would have been easy to say after the low key day and not feeling a hundred percent to say oh phooey to the exercise portion.  But after two suppers of Chinese food back to back - my body kind of begged for a little health stop.  So I checked my pedometer at 11 pm and still had about 1500 steps to equal at least my regular daily goal of 7000+ steps.  This had me exercise for my body of today and not for the ideal road conditions of the future or the abandonment of the past.  I didn't grab shoes, or a sweat towel and honestly just stayed in pjs and began to pace my house.  With a steady non-quick pace in twenty minutes I was able to check on my son, switch over laundry from the "sick" incident, straighten a couple of things in the kitchen, and manage to walk my 1500 steps to complete my daily goal.  Yes, I could have easily finished those couple of things in less than two hundred steps and call it a night.  But if I want different results I need to approach things differently so in my mind it was time for a detour. 

It isn't easy to change old patterns of comfort into healthy routines but with a few detours and adjustments along the way; I have the utmost confidence we can all maximize our HealthFULL Journeys.

May your path conditions improve with the help of detours that encourage hope for a better life. 'Til we meet again. . .

 

A child's delight

It is my child's joy that keeps me on this journey.  I may slip.  I might fall.  I sometimes faceplant.  But I cry it out, laugh it off, and pull myself together to do it all over again.  However, I am trying to figure out my son's endless joy.  I TRY to keep things interesting and he just loves it all.  I work towards a goal and if I meet it before even celebrating I am thinking what should be my next goal.  Not my fifteen month old.  He truly captures the moment and lives in that second.  He cries when he is upset, he laughs when he is happy, and actively observes in between.  For example, last Sunday I decided it was a good fort day especially after our little church meltdown - my meltdown though my son contributed.  All I am gonna say is we were fifteen minutes late, handed in our offering, was ready for the sermon, and then my son started babbling and getting antsy - we stepped out for what I thought would be a minute to compose ourselves or the whole sermon as my son planned and one of us might have lost our pants (that one was my son - although I was the one probably mortified).  But again perfect example - I was looking forward to worship - the singing - the sermon.  And my son was excited to see so many people, and have room to crawl in the narthex which is crazily empty during worship :) Although I do tend to enjoy my pastor's sermons I probably will remember spending time in the quiet narthex with my son more in the years to come then the exact words that were preached.  Do you get caught up in the shoulds, the coulds, the woulds, the goals, and the events?  Or are you like my son and  you just live and breathe in the moment? 

Anyway, you might understand why I thought it was fair to have an easy afternoon?  Who doesn't love a good fort?  My skills are rusty but vast improvement from the one I attempted a month ago.  I am trying "to plan" and design a sturdy fort - with the ease of being casual and just good fun.  (but then the competitive side leaps forward and screams in my head this is going to be the best most perfect fort ever designed.)  And my son?  Sees a new obstacle and lunges for the half up sheet which is not sturdy by any means and certainly isn't ready to brace a quickly moving 21 1/2 pounder.  I kept telling him "Just wait, when the fort is finished we'll have so much fun".  And he responded with giggles as he threw himself repeatedly into the sheet or covered his face with excess sheet for some peek-a-boo.  I half laughed, sweated, and muttered about how this fort was going to be a success if it kills me.  I am rearranging furniture and huffing and puffing.  And my son is rolling on the floor laughing and pounding on the "new furniture" as it takes new location and climbing under and over EVERYTHING! 

Once the fort was up my son stood proudly under the draped sheet and tried to touch the "ceiling"; as time passed this challenge became easier and easier. He scooted and laughed until his heart's content.  I turned on Mr Popper's penguin and decided Mission accomplished!  There was so much fun to be had and I missed some of it because I was so caught up in the destination.  Not my son - he didn't miss a second!  I kind of believe he added seconds with his endless delight :)  It was the journey with twists and turns of what is going to happen next?  When the sheet wouldn't stretch far enough and started to flutter to the ground.  I thought Argggh! "stupid clothespin!"  And my son saw "new game", or "How cool! it covers me and I'm hiding.  I'll have to dig myself free!"  I had a minor heart attack as one of the chairs fell; while my son saw a new climbing challenge.  He feels the moment and I run right through them to get to the next moment. 

I have a lot to learn from my mini muse.  I look forward to smaller sizes and pounds lost.  But that is only results.  The journey is everything else.  I like to check off excercise from my to do list.  But I need to be grateful for that time of feeling healthy, embracing time with my son, and growing stronger in all aspects of my life.  I mentioned my son because he is my cheerleader, my inspiration, and my number one fan.  He applauds my crazy dancing.  He eagerly crawls into my arms when I am marching around the living room.  He tries to steal my pedometer :)  But most importantly every day he lets me know I matter.  And because of him I need to continue to get better and improve by moving forward.

May your HealthFULL journey highlight those people who matter: those who inspire, encourage, applaud, and share in your journey. 'Til we meet again. . .

 

Are you who you think you are?

Are you who you think you are?  Cliches and general statements claim no one knows you better than you know yourself.  But that isn't true for everyone.  And sometimes I wonder if that sentiment is true for anyone.  We aren't aware of other's perceptions and rarely are we as transparent as we think.  We get in silly arguments that blow into full wage wars because we believe those closest to us should know what we meant or what we thought when really none of our actions have fully disclosed our needs or our wants.  Or worse our words and our actions told different stories. 

Do you ask for something but mean something completely different?  Perhaps you ask children to do more around the house.  They do more around the house but you are frustrated because you had specific chores in mind they didn't touch.  Maybe you ask your significant other for more loving touches but you tend to shrug off their advances.  You ask work for more responsibility - you meant promotion they give you grunt work.  We tend to ask in generalities but desire specifics.  Either we don't know what we want or we don't know how to ask for what we want.  Either way we could improve our position by knowing who we are.

We tend to not know our own strengths or weaknesses; at least all of them.  We tend to quit because we are scared of the end - we fear pain, hurt, success, failure, sometimes we just fear "the end".  So we quit, we drop out, we grasp for excuses to share and crave rationalizations that comfort us why we couldn't possibly go all the way.  Oh I could do never do a marathon.  Whew I get worn out walking in my living room.  What? I couldn't speak in front of hundreds of people - I get tongue tied in front of a small group of five people I know.  I couldn't draw to save my life.  I could never be a parent - too much responsibility.  Its fine if you choose not to do something because it is not a desire of yours.  But don't be scared to challenge the warrior, the mother, the athlete, the poet, the champion in your heart.  They are dying to strut their stuff.  Because when push comes to shove you could complete that marathon; perhaps it is in honor of a charity who is sponsoring your best friend. You could speak in front of a thousand people because you are sharing the gospel of Jesus.  Maybe you become an artist because you sketched your baby's first nap.  Its amazing what we can do because the stakes change and become personal.  Possibly we know that greatness is as close as our fingertips and that we are only a step away from knowing ourselves and that is why we tend to push people away.  Its becoming quite a habit in today's world.

Do you like compliments?  You might say you do, but it seems the truer the compliment the quicker we are to deflect it.  Someone compliments you for your speech; we may reply its an important topic.  Someone compliments your cooking perhaps you share the accolades with a spouse - something along the lines of "my husband is the true chef I am just the assistant.  Someone compliments your intelligence or beauty and we pass on the praises to our sibling - oh you haven't met my brother/sister they are the smart/beautiful one.  Here our compliments to our face and we still don't accept our strengths or talents at face value.  And our weaknesses are just as hard to swallow.  Raise your hand if you have ever been completely honest at a job interview or on a dating profile.  Name your greatest weakness.  We all go for the positive spin.  Curvy women you know you mark the voluptuous curves before the bloated jellyfish box.  Or for work purposes - I tend to be obsessed with details.  Forget to mention that you run tardy by ten minutes every day or that you like to gossip with co-workers.  But then maybe you don't realize you have flaws because you didn't really know you have strengths. 

I write all this because without knowing yourself : How do you live YOUR life?  This HealthFULL Journey is really helping me to pinpoint specific wants, needs, and patterns I possess.  And with the help of my handy dandy 12 resolutions for the 12 months of 2012 I am holding a magnifying glass on all aspects of my life.  One of the most recent items that spurned this blog.  A big grocery shopping trip my husband and I recently shared.  The revelation after $450.00 worth of groceries (it was bargain shopping as everything was 50% off so we spent just over $200.00 and our pantries are filled and some of these items went in donation).  But after this huge shopping excursion we realized I shop for a non-existent member of our household.  This person obviously loves cereal, yogurt, soup, beans, pasta, spices, and nuts.  If I go shopping by myself I tend to stray from our list badly.  I will ultimately pick up these six items and I honestly can't remember ever in our marriage of us being out of these items.  I put these items in our cart as if I am on auto-pilot. 

Let's investigate the list shall we:  Cereal - I love cereal.  The sugary kind, the hot kind, the healthy adult kind.  I enjoy cereal.  Now ask me how often I eat cereal.  Hmmmm....since October I have not had a single bowl.  Yup that would be the truth.  I sometimes use it as a crunch factor in yogurt or with fruit - we are talking 2 tbsps max at a time and occasionally a 1/2 cup here or there for cooking purposes.  My husband never eats it and my son eats one specific kind.  But right now we have the total of 3 unopened containers, one opened box (our son's) and two boxes with three different kinds mixed together separately in their own bags.  So if you're counting that equals ten different cereals. 

Yogurt - oh I love yogurt.  I grew up eating yogurt.  But since the attacks have increased I have suspicions they may be linked to dairy (which literally is a nightmare for me - both an attack and the loss of dairy).  Also I tend to buy many yogurts fully knowing it has a limited life span before the expiration date and I don't try dairy after the expiration date.  One bad episode with an expired date and you get a little cautious. But I like variety so I'll pick up ten yogurts thinking I have just under a month.  I won't eat them all.  I hope I will eat a couple of them before they find their way to the trash.  When I want something sweet they usually aren't enough to satisfy the craving or they're too heavy/much sounding when I just need a bite.

Soup - I so rarely eat soup from a can.  I'll use broth for a meal every now and then.  But I like to have them on hand just in case I get in a cooking frenzy and am in need of four broths.  We tend to open a package of broth or stock and then maybe use half and once again find its way to the garbage.  We are trying to be more conscious and use items within several meals to cut down waste.  But I still way overbuy soups in anticipation to feed our family a full meal for less than $3.00.  Good dream but not really our reality all too often.

Beans in my mind equal a healthy diet plus the general public states beans are cheap to buy.  So in my cart they go to make my family healthier while maintaining a line of budget.  This however means they need to actually be utilized into our meals.  And the thought of soaking beans is exhausting.  I think like many people I get the impression I have to physically stand over the soaking beans for eight hours or delay our meal for eight hours.  But in reality we just need to throw them in a pot of water (no cooking required at this stage) when we go to sleep and throw them in the crock pot in the morning.  Or throw them in a bowl of water before we head to work.  Ready to cook as soon as we get home.  But the step of soaking them exhausts my mind and there the beautiful different color beans sit in my pantry in their lovely bags.  I also overbuy canned beans because sometimes the draining them and rinsing them exhausts my mentality as well.  Because then I'll convince myself that canned beans aren't as healthy as dried beans and if I don't have the time to soak my beans I don't deserve to sample the tasty beans.  Yes people I seriously think in these circles sometimes :)

Pasta is my cruel way of teasing myself.  It is one of my five favorite dishes of all time - between comfort, ease, variety, and flavor.  I adore pasta; the different shapes, the different grains; the satisfaction of covering the noodles with tons of different toppings.  But alas with diabetes pasta is rarely my friend and I tend to scoff at their serving size.  But yet I buy it because I always am in doubt if we have enough in our pantry when I really know I shouldn't be eating that much of it so even having one package is plenty. 

Spices - I am starting to flex my culinary skills and I don't like when my pantry is missing a recommended ingredient.  I get frustrated when I can't try out a new recipe as I am out of or never possessed a certain spice; fully believing the whole recipe hinges on that one particular spice.  And those we tend to like but rarely use I like to buy back-ups just in case we are low (as you see two tumeric, two thyme, two pepper blends, two cayennes, and three sets of food coloring).  I must fancy myself quite the chef and baker which according to my pantry I am not.

And finally the nuts.  I actually eat quite a bit of nuts.  Lower in carbs, high in fat - mostly good fate, and an excellent source of protein.  These quell my snacking tendencies and cravings.  I can purchase sweet varieties and salty and even spicy.  Therefore, I panic at the thought of running out.  So when we see them in the store the cans literally jump into my cart as I peruse the aisle - just in case.

I admit all this because I finally have my eyes open to some self-awareness.  I challenge you to take a true look in the mirror, checkbook, pantry, closet, and/or calendar.  Are you who you think you are?

"Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes', and your 'No,' 'No'; . . . " Matthew 5:37

May your HealthFULL Journey be a true reflection of the person you were, the person who you want to be, and most imporantly the person you are. 'Til we meet again. . .  

Keeping things Currant

I thought this would be a good time to touch base and discuss how the resolutions are going.   As we are in that dreaded two and half week zone.  Three weeks to make the resolution a habit.  But the "newness" factor wears off at two weeks and I have been hit by the don't wannas and fuhgedaboutit.  BUT I push myself to keep on track.  The best thing I ever did was to be specific.  The goals where I can do a little bit every day is getting checked off my to do list.  The once a month goals have been glanced at from time to time.  On this HealthFULL (Finally Understanding Life by Living) Journey I have learned that I do better with deadlines.  You need me to do something in a week, a day, an hour; Done and done!  You need something done at my convenience or whenever; not happening it gets lost, forgotten, or buried under more pressing matters - like pinterest.com and reality tv. 

To keep track of my 12 resolutions I bought a calendar date book that lists a week on two pages - starting with Monday and running through Sunday.  I printed up a mini version of my resolutions for the front cover and write down the corresponding number on the calendar date.  This way with a glance I see what I accomplished in a day or what got ignored during a week.  It is really motivating to see a visual reminder and even more motivating to see the visual of the baby steps of completing a task.  I have really enjoyed the number one resolution of being grateful every day and actually write my blessing down for the day.  Most days by actually remembering my day I easily write down two or three blessings that were especially touching.  Think of it as sprint journaling.  Also my two other daily goals of reading the Bible in a year has been enjoyable as I skip around wherever the Spirit leads.  My Bible shared the tip if you read three chapters(not verses as that wouldn't be enough and not books because that would be extremely daunting but chapters - which is completely doable!) daily Monday - Saturday and then on Sunday read five chapters.  This is the pace I have been following and only one day did I miss as I wasn't feeling really well but caught up the second day.  It is best to not get too far behind or these resolutions stop being goals and more like anchors!  Also I like a record of when I exercise.  It is easy to twist facts when they are only floating in your head.  I think I exercised five times last week for an average of thirty five minutes a day.  I'll count that.  But in pen it holds more weight.  Oh it was only four days blah blah blah.  You get the message.  The calendar helps me stay accountable and motivated.  Great tools when you have many goals in a variety of your life. 

Also we are keeping record of my favorite tradition/goal.  The new produce or grain of the week.  Look at the title of this post?  No I didn't have a spelling mistake.  This week's fruit was red currants.  They were an easy pick for my hubby and me as we have heard of these berries but never really have seen them.   Oh they were gorgeous in the grocery store.  The red was so bright and inviting and the berries are tiny.  They look like mega rubies.  I must confess though as I was decieved as they looked sweet as they reminded me of champagne grapes (size-wise).  I also expected the skin to be a little tough as the red was so bright with a shiny luster - I expected almost tomato skin with that bit of a bite.  Nope!  They are tart little bursts of juice.   It was as if I was eating the pomegranate arils.  Which I enjoy - but only when my taste buds are expecting that sour burst of juice.  I was expecting a tough sweet berry.   Alright what to do with these berries?  I had so of planned on serving them with our spinach salad for dinner.  However, my hubby is not the biggest fan of tart/sour flavors.  So I headed to our trusty computer and searched for a recipe.   Not a lot of varying recipes for the red currant.  Big contenders were jellies (as the berries have a natural pectin most sites mentioned) and pies.   I have never made a jelly in my life (adore buying homemade jellies from bazaars and farmers' markets but haven't invested in the canning supplies for myself.  So pie it is.  Not the healthiest choice but was  a mighty tasty one.  Really simple fruit pie which I added a little bit of blueberries and strawberries with the currants.  As these are flavors we enjoy, and we didn't have a lot of currants to fill an entire pie.  Even my 14 mo. old son tried a couple.  Which proved to me he is truly a texture taster.  Also he helped himself to the berries when we mixed the pie "together". 

It is fun to feel in control of my life or at least that I am gaining back control.  That I have a say in what I do and that I am making choices that create a better version of myself. 

May your HealthFULL Journey bring you flavors of sweetness to soothe and sourness to motivate. 'Til we meet again. . .

Chasing a Dream? Or Just my tail?

Its easy to be "busy".  Its easy to feel so important that the world will cave in if I personally don't hold the sky above my shoulders.  Its easy to fill up a calendar.  Its easy to overlook the details because too much is demanding our attention.  Its easy to get distracted by mindnumbing activities (Facebook? Pinterest? TV? Anyone?) Its easy to snap at our loved ones because the world is begging for our time, our money, and our opinions.  But you know what is not easy?  Honestly answering why do we keep so busy?  Do we have to serve on four committees to impress our peers?  Do we have to keep an immaculate house just in case company stops by?  Do we have to squeeze in two extra hours of work to please our bosses?  Do we have to say yes to every person who calls in hopes of a favor? 

The answer: No.  But the reality - Usually we accept the responsibility on your shoulders with pride, determination, and pure stubbornness.  And crazy thing when you carry a ton of weight on your shoulders we get tired.  And what happens to people when they get tired?  They tend to get cranky!  So we accept these extra duties that we didn't have to accept.  We then our tired and cranky for those we love because of all the extra work we're doing.  And then they get cranky because they are getting less of our time, but all of our crabbiness and they too have accepted too much responsibility. 

Don't get me wrong.  There are favors we should grant.  And cleaning should absolutely happen in a household.  And there are times it would be a good idea to work those extra hours at our jobs.  But not every favor and not every day.  We need to evaluate how we should answer the requests.  By accomplishing this task am I chasing a dream?  or just my tail?

What's the difference?  Chasing a dream means you are working towards goals you have for yourself.  Perhaps you want to get healthier and build stronger friendships. So you join a gym and ask a good friend to work out with you. This is working towards a goal and therefore chasing a dream.  Grabbing fast food for the third time in a week because you couldn't possibly find time to stop at the grocery store.  You are not only avoiding your goal but moving away from your dream - but still moving in constant "busy" motion - means you are chasing your tail.  You are doing a lot of "work" but not really moving towards what you want to accomplish.  You're stuck in a horrible whirlwind of chasing your tail. 

We can chase several dreams at once but we need to know our dreams.  And once we establish what we truly desire.  And I say this again - once we understand what we truly crave can we figure out the best way to make our dreams come true.  Its easy to say we want more money.  Well does that mean you don't have enough money to purchase goods you desire (better car, house, more trips?)  Or you want to eliminate debt? Or you feel your time at work is worth more?  These problems could be addressed with more money in the household but each dilemma means there is a different desire at the true root of our craving.  We don't necessarily want more money - we crave freedom ( to purchase our wants on a whim), we crave peace (from the never-ending bills, stretched relationships,) or we crave recognition (for our hard work).  

Life is too short!  Don't waste your precious time chasing your tail in hopes to impress those that really don't matter and get busy chasing your dreams.

May your HealthFULL Journey reveal truth about what really matters to you so that you can avoid the trap of chasing your tail. 'Til we meet again . . .

And the highest bidder is . . .

I'll admit writing down 12 resolutions was fun to tie in with the year.  I like the roundness and completeness of lists and phrasings.  I like ideas to click.  It is a hard concept to describe unless you are borderline obsessive and compulsive with dreamer like tendencies.  But I'll try.

Have you ever been involved with an auction? Aren't they exciting?  The auctioneer is shouting and motivating the crowd.  If you have a dull auctioneer nothing is being sold or what is being sold goes with no fanfare and cheap and frankly is boring.  Oh but a true auctioneer with enthusiasm.  Well you find yourself bidding on items you don't want but you just want to be part of the fun.  You want to giggle about your purchase.  You want to share the story of buying that hideous statue.  But you will have enjoyed the moment.  And what might be a very ugly statue becomes a source of pride, a memory of having fun.   And all of a sudden it becomes a treasure.  Because in the right moment you were ready to give yourself over to the moment and "click".

I think in a way I have imaginary auctions and amp the bids quickly and often.  I am going to make a resolution this year. No, I'll make three. Oh, I do like the sound of five. . . but ten equals perfection. Wait its going to be 2012, I should come up with 12 resolutions! But isn't twenty a fun-sounding number and challenging.  However, fifty sounds golden.  Wait a hundred is .....Whoa a hundred is crazy. Stop the bidding moron! This is your life and you're the only one bidding.  Enthusiasm is good, but frenetic and hysteria equals not good. So pause, take a breath, let's use a little common sense, and reach for something attainable.  One and three resolutions and I'll trap myself into the world of generalities.  Five seems a little low if I want this to be a truly FULL/Whole health journey.   I like ten that seems possible but 12 sounds right it clicks.  Its just that bit extra challenge - Can I do this?  And if if I am going to commit to these 12 goals I'll need to get busy.

So on January 2nd I bought  a calendar (for fifty percent off - see patience and not being choosy can have its advantages).  A little weekly pocket calendar that  allows me a chance to record my accomplishments and with a glance let me know if I need to have a heart to heart with myself.  A resolution won't be left behind because of sheer forgetfulness.  This HealthFULL Journey is teaching me to be aware of my choices.  If I choose to skip exercise.  That's okay (beware of making that choice a habit though).  But to be aware it was a choice.  It is so important to be active in one's journey so that we can FULLY UNDERSTAND LIFE by LIVING.  That means choices.  An informed choices tends to yield the best results.

I am excited to share with my handy calendar and New Year Enthusiasm I am feeling good about the progress I already have made on my twelve resolutions.  This bid of twelve goals was a winner.

May you find yourself in situations full of fun and moments when you feel that click of satisfaction of being in the right place, at the right time, with the right attitude. ' Til we meet again. . .  

Boundaries

Do you have well established boundaries?  Mine are all over the place.  Again the extremist emerges.  Some days, some hours, some minutes, sometimes even seconds my boundaries change.  I tell myself I love chaos and I love organization.  That is hard to love and be both those things.  So I tell myself I like chaotic organization or organized chaos.  Which makes me an oxymoron, but really most days it just makes me feel like a moron.  There are times my boundaries are so set in stone.  I have duties, I don't let people cross my path, and I do my thing.  But then other days I insist the dog and the cat need to sleep with us so that they don't feel unloved or punished.  That it is okay to help out a friend and have them live with us for undetermined amount of time.  To give and to give my time, money, items, attention, focus,  (I know I sound like I am up for sainthood, but then wait for it. . .) I SNAP!  I scream, I cry, I gasp for breath, I see red and rage, and literally freak out.  How could I be such a doormat?  How could everyone and the world  (because I am not rational at this point) be against me?  How can I do anything when I am so crowded?  Everyone is to blame (except me of course - because it is the world out to get me!)  But really?

It's all me.  I don't people or myself know when is enough?  Before I over-extend myself and push way past my limits.  I am human.  And most days I don't cut myself slack, but then on the flipside I really don't cut others slack which means I am overcritical of EVERYTHING and so when one of my boundaries is pushed when I am overextended it is like a rubber band being stretched until it breaks!  There are twenty-four hours in a day, no more, no less.  Many problems can't be fixed in a day, because they didn't reach their present state in a day (for example: my weight).  I have to focus on one task.  Even writing this blog my head has gone everywhere.  I am trying to pick at my health which some days isn't helping.  But to organize my life I do need to take the big clutter out.  And once the item is removed to establish boundaries to not reach that state again.  Do you ever do that?  Do you ever set a goal with a distinctive purpose; perhaps you clear out a space in your home, make time in your schedule, save a little extra money, or lose a couple of pounds and then never fulfill the purpose?  You take your hard work and in one swoop throw it away.  Its easy if we let the boundaries drop and let them fade away.  It isn't hard to take on an extra project at work when you made room in your schedule with the intent to spend more time with the family (whats a couple extra hours to put yourself in line for promotion?) Perhaps you were saving up for a rainy day account or a family vacation and decided to treat yourself to new outfit or mani/pedi or repair the broken tv.  Maybe you lost the weight for swimsuit season but then an old college buddy visited. You didn't have time for work-outs and didn't want to cramp your buddy's vacation so as the gracious host you joined them in tasting all the delicious junk you hadn't touched in months.  I am not judging any of these scenarios because we all tend to fall short on our goals now and then.  At least I know I have,  when you work hard you place strain on yourself (anyone seen a bodybuilder at the gym - you can' build muscle without placing your strain on your body).  Strain weakens your effort because you have pushed yourself until you hit fatigue and temptation loves to piggyback fatigue.  Don't we all like the easy win? Of course temptation is going to knock when you feel lost, tired, miserable, down and out.  That's why boundaries are necessary. They are in your power at all times.  But if you don't maintain them, establish them, or continue to build them you lose control easily.  So easily that you can't help but feel robbed and that someone or something else is to blame.

Life needs flexibility.  Boundaries don't have to be rigid (and are easier to break if not movable).  But boundaries should be established.  We all need goals, we all need space to grow, and we need to know we have a say in our own life.

May your HealthFULL Journey teach you to be your own boss that allows you to be the version of yourself; willing and able to serve those you love and respect. 'Til we meet again. . .

Adaptability

When I was a kid I loved Encyclopedia Brown books.  The mystery that you solved by choosing your own path. I sometimes pride myself on being a problem solver or perhaps a better term would be a solution seeker.  What's the difference, a lot.  Let's say you lost twenty bucks I might not be able to help you find that specific 20 bucks (it's lost!).  However,  together we can realize do you want twenty dollars for something specific?  Or you liked the security of the twenty dollars?  Once we establish what was truly lost (a new book or security) we can develop a solution to help remedy the lost twenty fiasco. 

But in this journey I keep trying to force rules, I am trying to create a plan/a schedule for me because it is what books, experts, friends, tv, etc. says will help.  I am not that rigid of a person.  When studying in school I am a crammer and for those who want to lecture you can't write a good paper in two hours.  I hear you, I believe you, but certain systems worked for me and when I would try someone else's approach I got horrible results.  Structure is fantastic.  Many of us appreciate that our homes have strong foundations.  But who wants to live in a cement box?  We need structure but function better with softness and give. 

What does this mean?  I am not Brazilian nor do I have a Brazilian body that moves to a Brazilian rhythm.  I tried to dance to my DVD.  And on one hand it was a disaster on another I had a good laugh.  Oh I got frustrated because I do not enjoy not being able to do something (especially on the first try - silly I know but just being honest).  I would see what the instructor was doing and would try to copy but not so lucky.  My legs would instinctively do a different action than what was instructed.  She would kick forward my legs would tuck back, they would say move to the left I would halfway be to the right.  Then I would try to correct my movement only to miss both opportunities.  I muddled through 17 1/2 minutes and just realized I didn't have the heart to move unto the second dance.  No I don't have to dance perfectly the sequence.  Which I am trying to teach myself, any movement is improvement over no movement.  When they can-can and plie and shimmy - If I just rotate from my waist I am doing something.  So that is a lesson I am working on but decided I would rather finish my thirty minutes on the comfort of My Wii Fit.  Where the Wii Fit and I both agreed I'm thirty.  I don't know if I should be happy that we agreed or disappointed that it didn't feel I was younger.  (I did just come from my Brazilian dance lesson - my weariness might have shown :)  I muddled through a step routine where the machine informed me that I step unevenly.  Great I have no rhythm and I am uncoordinated - got that from the DVD in my own thoughts but now a machine agrees. Excellent, thanks for the confirmation!  But I did the best I had done on the obstacle course and then got out my frustration with some snow balls (true this workout has me sway on the board and point the controller to the screen and I push a button but I appreciate the visual imagery.)

 Though I mock my attempt today the lesson was comforting.  I don't have to limit myself to the DVD.  I don't like a movement I can walk away and still exercise to something else.  The choices are mine for my HealthFULL Journey.  An unsuccessful attempt is not a failure, it is just an unsuccessful attempt that will lead to fruitful rewards down the line.  The challenge will motivate me or push me to find something more worth my time. 

May your HealthFULL Journey be adaptable to your needs and goals.  Take a moment to figure out your true goal and find the situation that best fulfills your solution.  'Til we meet again. . .

Winners never quit and quitters never win!

Have you ever heard this expression before?

Winners never quit and quitters never win!

If we apply logical reasoning to this popular saying, one cannot be both a winner and a quitter. If I had to choose a team. I may have to be on the Quitters team. And if I am completely honest, maybe even captain of the Quitters team. However, I am working hard to be on the Winners team, even if it means only as a bench - warmer.

I never mean to quit. But then, it is hard to believe anyone starts a project, works toward a goal, commits themselves fully to an idea in hopes of not finishing. I even try to rationalize my reasons for dropping out, sometimes I even convince myself it is for heroic reasons. That by my stepping down I am allowing others the chance to win, lead, or at least finish. That by fading into the background I am choosing to be noble. Truthfully, it is easier to drop the ball early in the race then to get to crunch time and risk failing. Risk disappointing those who were counting on a flawless performance.

I wring my hand at the thought of disappointing others. There is only one other feeling that I hate to stir up in others even more than disappointment is knowing that I did something to cause someone else to become upset. I like people to feel calm, soothed, and downright comfortable around me. Which is why I believe I choose to avoid personal confrontation like the bubonic plague. Absolutely there are some fights worth fighting! Those fights may include helping others lead improved lives which I have stood toe to toe in some of those battles and happily would do so again. But when it comes to personal goals and battles I usually have chosen to sweep my half-hearted attempts under the rug. If I truly want to attain a firm grasp on living a HealthFULL life by traveling my HealthFULL Journey then I have to start finishing some races (regardless of if I place last or first) and most importantly see my actions completed. Not everything I have to offer will be perfect, but I will see my actions through from beginning to end.

As I close, let me share one of my first goals I plan to accomplish. I am raising five hundred dollars for the March of Dimes. This started as a charity my office chose to support. I felt it would be easier to rally behind by making it personal. I sent out letters and emails announcing my plans to participate in the March for Babies that took place in April 2009. I chose to March in honor of five wonderful women that I am privileged to call friends who were pregnant at that time (months later the world has welcomed four beautiful girls and one handsome boy). I also Marched in memory of a little boy that left us far too soon at the age of fifteen months, but left a profound footprint upon many hearts, especially mine. As the March neared, I was super nervous if I would be able to complete the fully anticipated six miles (they ended up shortening the length to four miles, whew!). I did finish the March for Babies and was pleased that I raised $350 of my anticipated $500. That is seventy percent! I felt pleased at my respectable effort.

Well one hundred days ago my family was greeted with an amazing miracle, my youngest niece. As of October 1st, 2009, she is still a week away from her original due date of October 8th, 2009. That's right! Our family's smallest miracle entered the world according to her schedule. Because of some of the March of Dimes funded research my family is directly benefiting from their passionate research and outreaching efforts. Because of organizations like March of Dimes my precious niece can experience the best of care even while starting off with such a fragile beginning. In honor of her I feel I need to see this goal to the full $500. I would love to be an aunt that can show all my nieces and nephews that we don't have to finish first but we should always complete the race. I am currently 82% of my goal at $410. Perhaps there are nine people who can donate ten dollars to this worthwhile cause and help me both honor one of my "newest" heroes while also motivating me further along my own HealthFULL Journey.

If you would like to help complete the goal of $500 in honor of my family's littlest miracle, please go to www.marchforbabies.org/SuzySullivan . Also if you have any comments, questions, or topic suggestions and would rather not share them publicly you can email me at HealthFULLjourney@gmail.com .

Thank you for meeting me here on my HealthFULL Journey. 'Til we meet again. . .

I have fought the good fight. I have finished the race.

I have kept the faith. -- 2 Timothy 4:7