The Unknown

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. --1 Peter 5:7 (NIV)

 

 

 

Well it has been one of those days - weird happenings around every corner, the mysterious knock, the out of blue e-mail, the suprise text, the shocking phone call.  What did all of these events have in common?  They weren't planned.  They were the unknown and for the most part still lead to the unknown.  I have tried to be honest with you the reader; and more importantly myself - that I tend to suffer from anxiety now and then.  It is the main reason I am visiting a counselor to mentally prepare myself to get healthier and find better choices than demolishing a bag of chips or guzzling pop (or soda) can after can everytime the unknown shows up and blankets me with a big ol' case of ANXIETY! 

 

Surprises can be good.  The unknown can lead to wonderful paths of peace, comfort, and be filled with blessings beyond our ability to count.  The unknown can also lead to paths of darkness, pain, fears, and pull us down into despair and worthlessness.  And where do anxious people tend to travel in their imaginations? That's right - speedracing down the scary tumbling route. 

 

Thank goodness God does not reveal tomorrow so that we are not handcuffed today to results of tomorrow based on our decisions in the right here and now.  Oh sure there are times all of us wish a magic 8 ball told the truth or a fortune cookie was a news report instead of a quaint saying.  But the reality is that no one flawlessly predicts the future.  We all live one day at a time though us worriers and type A personalities and control freaks gather as much information and cram it into today to ensure our schedules for tomorrow and the next day and the next week.  Rarely do these techniques return worthy results.  The majority of the time we are left in a state of why did I do all that? Or worry so much?  Or not let go sooner?  Because the unknown terrifies us!

 

Imagine you are in a super dark room with a group of people.  In this group one person has a flashlight and one person has a camera.  The person with a camera thinks it would be super funny to just take a picture in the dark and let the flash blind the room.  Good light? Bad Light?  Good chance the group yells at the picture taker in sarcastic tones of "Thanks for blinding us." "Great now I can't see again!"  "Wonderful I love to be caught off guard with distorted images while in the dark in a huge group of people."  And then the person with the flashlight shines a beam and begins to leave the room?  What happens in this scenario?  People question where they are going.  And several people, if not the majority, will follow to a place where there is light and the opportunity to be more aware. 

 

Because when we are in the unknown and unsure of our footing we seek out comfort, safety, and a place to gain a steady stance.  So when light is offered we are shocked and almost offended by the false hope that distorts our surroundings even more. But when a true beacon of hope is offered we almost can't help ourselves but follow this gift of sight even when we are unsure of where it leads. 

 

The unknown. Like I said several opportunities may or may not be available to us.  We continue to seek God's guidance so that we may follow the lights of hope and aren't blinded by the flashes of distortion. In the unknown/the dark it is easy to feel anxious and alone.  But we have to remember we are never truly alone and God wants us to remove our blankets of doubts, worries, hesitations, and all that we like to hide under when responsibility, opportunity, and extra work appear without guarantees of success.  The unknown: a scary place? a paradise? a launching pad? a temporary landing?  momentary exploration?  Where does the unknown lead you?

 

May your HealthFULL Journey guide you to impossible cliffs, exhilarating ravines, memorable horizons, and fields of peace.  Because a journey means to move from here to the unknown and beyond.  'Til we meet again. . .

How would you spend your last 24 hours?

If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. 

So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.  -- Romans 14:8



 

 

Ho! Ho! Ho! mixed with a little Bah! Humbug! and a teensy bit of "It's the End of the World as We know it!" set to music.  Once again the Christmas season snuck into my life.  I need snow!!! This Southern no snow surrounding plays tricks on my mind that there is loads of extra time.  It is 12-22-12 (and four minutes) as I write this blog.  Which means I am still here and hope the rest of the world is doing as well :) These last couple of days my hubby and I are trying to squeeze in as much of the holiday spirit as we can as most households we have been experiencing colds, bugs, viruses, and just the yucky mean germs.  I have been scrubbing surfaces with one hand and blowing my nose with the other.  And then I looked at the calendar and either the world was supposed to end or I had less than three days to decorate, send out christmas cards, enjoy the holiday, and shop and wrap like there is no tomorrow!  No problem! 

 

We put up our tree while our little two year old slept snugly in his bed and I wish I had taped his reaction.  It was priceless - Speech Therapy is doing wonders as we actually had a spontaneous conversation - a limited vocabulary but he definitely led the topics ;)  And slowly as the week progresses the ornaments are moving farther North on the tree, inch by inch,  I am surprised it is still standing as there is so much weight to the top and none on the bottom :)  I also insisted on Tuesday that we go out and have some Christmas fun and to look at a Christmas Tree festival where local businesses and organizations sponsor and decorate trees.  So many fun themes - my favorites include a snowman, an angel, Wizard of Oz tree, and Special Needs Awareness.  Beautiful and creative and FREE!  What a fun way to find some cheer. 

 

So my question "How would you spend your last 24 hours?" (Obviously assuming you know its your last day.)  This also is predictable around the 12-21-12 date but it was a question I asked my youth Sunday School class last week.  It was my attempt to wrangle in the conversation and facilitate around my point.  However, I was expecting similar answers to mine - something low key with family and friends to just spend time with those we love.  I forgot how teenagers think.  There may or may not have included an answer of peeing off the Eiffel Tower.  And I may or may not have pointed out half your day would be spent traveling encouraging a new answer that only changed the building not the activity.  I also may or may not have had a youth say they would do all of the crazy (good or bad) events they have always wanted to try and spend the last hour in confession to be forgiven.  I appreciated the desire to be absolved but again was looking for time with those we cherish.  But it was their choice and I appreciate their feedback (at least they're talking is the silver lining :)  

 

Also to be fair I was on my third dose of cough medicine mixed with pain relievers/fever reducer and a combination of not such good sleep.  It is hard to be enthusiastic when in the back of your mind you are counting down to climbing back into bed.  But I think that question has hung with me all week.  How do I want to spend my time? I knew the people (my husband and son) and everyone else I love is bonus :)   And though I was 99.9% sure I would see 12-22-12 and many days after I certainly didn't want to miss a special moment with my family.  We have been rushing around like crazy because of the holidays, changes we've made in our household, and just my anxious personality that doesn't want to miss a thing!  My hubby gave me permission the other night as I stood and complained of being overwhelmed.  He gave me permission to just play with my son - to forget the chores/duties/whatever other events were bogging down my spirit.  He encouraged me to have fun and enjoy this precious time.  So today we did.  We admired the tree, we colored, we played fort, we tickled, we giggled, we sung, we ran errands (which got a bit tense) but we brought our dog which pleased my son and puppy to no end :)  And then when my hubby got home we popped some popcorn and watched a Mickey's Twice Upon a Christmas which my son was glued to the television.  He agreed to snuggle because I agreed to sit on the floor.  We then went to a live nativity at our church which is amazing!  My son was so excited to see a real camel.  We then told him he could pet it and he took four steps back shaking his head no!  We walked the town, signed the census, saw the shops, and heard some stories. But at the end we saw the Holy Family and heard the angel's message and then heard my own angel sum up the event with a "hee haw" at the donkey and pointed to the star of Bethlehem - telling us to "Look!" "Look!"  We grabbed a cookie for the road and drove around looking at Christmas Lights.  We all agreed on a house that was both beautifully decorated and gorgeous and Drew's approval to live there.  I am guessing it only costs 1.1 million ;)   Kind of out of the stay at home mom's budget but who knows - miracles happen every day :)  We picked up chinese food on the way home - our bug-a-boo went to bed with no fuss.  It really was the way I would like to spend my last 24 hours -  Creating memories with my loved ones, remembering and honoring my Savior's birth, a little bit of indulgence and dreaming, and feeling warmed by the magic of Christmas (Hope, Love, Joy, Peace).

 

May your HealthFULL Journey leave you Feeling Unbelievable and Loving Life as you ponder, enjoy, and cherish this Christmas Season.  May you know the Reason for the Season and may you feel surrounded by love. 'Til we meet again. . . 



Workin' up a Sweat

 

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit,

who is in you, whom you have received from God? 

You are not your own; you were bought a price. 

Therefore honor God with your body. -- 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

 

 

Can I be honest?  This piece of scripture haunts me.  I have confessed there have been many binges and some more recent than I want to remember let alone admit.  We joke about my downfalls in our home.  The foods that call my name at all hours when in the house and have a direct line to my Sal the Snacker (Chips (no self-control!!! nada - zilch!), Ice Cream (some control but little) and Pop has a hold I can't even describe!) I ban them I invite them I kick these foods out of the house again and there is that one moment of weakness and they move in their brother's wife's cousin's dog's best friend and everyone down the line.  I crave, I rationalize, I promise, I threaten, I ignore, and then I break down.  This can be agonizing.  And then I giggle when someone mentions I forgot to eat today - don't you hate that?  I nod and chuckle as if I am "in" on the joke but I'm giggling because I cannot fathom a day in this world where I would forget a snack let alone a day worth of meals!  I eat out of nervousness I am not 100% sure if that counts as emotional eating.  Because my anxiety can turn any moment into a nervous activity which then gives me permission to chow down.  Today a tongue in cheek confession was made to my husband as we joked about my temptations.  I will eat versions of those items that I don't even like because of what they say to me.  I remember drinking the world's grossest soda - It was blue and the name was something like blue mountain soda sparkling blue this was 10+ years ago.  It tasted like foaming carbonated paint thinner or some other household cleaner - rough stuff.  I believe I finished half a can and that is the only pop in this world I have not finished.  I used to find some diet sodas that tasted like soap but did I buy them more than once.  Why yes I did!  That has to say something - and probably not the nicest  or wisest comment. 

 

So what does this have to do with workin' up a sweat?  Well I recently stopped by the library for rejuvenation into the work-out world.  I started off strong this month promising myself I would do at least thirty minutes of dedicated on purpose working out so that anything extra was just bonus points.  I have dragged out the Wii that passively agressively reminded me that I have not visited in 253 days.  Why thank you Wii for noticing my absence - missed you too!  And then had the audacity to say I've gained 19 pounds in that time.  I guess the Wii Fit did not want me to visit again for another 253 days!  I have bonded again with the Walking DVD where my son believes he is meant to serve as my arm weight as he giggles along with the super peppy coach on the television screen.  Well that gung-ho attitude lasted a whole five days.  Then a couple more passed and I said "Suzy we have to make this work! The weight has to go and more importantly that blood sugar needs to get under control!!!"  I know in the logical world that exercise greatly impacts my blood sugar but when I am being pulled by Sal the Snacker and called by the cravings I leave logic blocked in a corner screaming for help!  Not that logic needs my help but it knows how much I need IT! And Logic wants to desperately help me in those desperate moments!   

 

So I tried to be pro-active and grabbed two DVDs from the library my free resource to dabble in movement.  One is a bellydance DVD which cracks me up (because at my size the belly dances pretty much all the time on its own  its just not quite in the manner people find attractive ;)  and a God inspired Sweating in the Spirit where we pull out the Hymns and the Gospel singers to motivate our movement.  The "coach" or "teacher"  quoted the above line quite often in the DVD.  Every time she said that scripture verse or the mantra " your body is your temple" - I winced.  Which is what we do when we view an action as dangerous or painful.  This wasn't her intention I'm sure.  She meant to be encouraging.  She was smiling and throwing up her arms in Glory to God.  And I was trying to sink into the floor away from God's gaze. 

 

Hmmmm....That kind of reaction deserves a ponder.  I say I want to beautify and strengthen my body, my temple in honor of God.  As a sign of respect!  That kind of thinking leads to work-outs which leads to so many wonderful options.  An instant gift is my son's reaction.  He is his Mommy's biggest cheerleader.  Certain DVD's cause him to giggle and copy mine and the television's instructor's movements.  Sometimes he finds it so delightful and entangles himself around me like a jungle gym when I do "fun" poses.  Such as straddling my legs or arching my back or creating a downward dog sort of pose that he can climb through and interact with me.  I love that!  I love when he discovers a new move or a new opportunity to see life from a new perspective.  These are the good moments when I am on my 'A' game and doing good.  But then I lose my hold on that scripture of empowerment and it becomes a blaming loud alarm as I stuff my face with bowl after bowl of potato chips.  The only growth besides my stomach is that chips at least last two days and not just one :( 

 

Oooh  If only I could hold unto the power of that verse.  That positive encouragement and reminder that fuels me to making good choices worth building up.  Instead of me sweeping it into dark corners as I run away distracted, confused, and blindly numbing myself with foods that clog and slow my journey instead of fueling me into the next stretch of positive growth.  Hmmmmmmm....

 

Day by day, moment by moment I trudge. 

 

Jesus looked at them and said, "with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." --Matthew 19:26 

 

God reach down and help me own the above scripture.  That my body is a temple to serve you to honor you and to always bring glory in your name.  I constantly fail in this area.  I turn away from the responsibility.  I hide my head in guilt and shame to avoid the pain this verse reminds of my failure.  I struggle God because I struggle never because my love for you falters.  Help me to remember to love what you gave me for life, my body and to treat it with respect.  Amen!

 

May your HealthFULL journey hold up a mirror to remind you of the areas where you are strong and where you have grown and a loving reminder of what still could use improvement.  Remember God loves you always where you are - God doesn't wait for you to lose ten pounds or until you can run a marathon.  God loves you right here, right now, and is waiting to hear your heart's desire and to witness ALL of your choices - the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful ;)  'Til we meet again. . . 

Counting our Blessings

Drew you are my biggest blessing on Earth - May you never
know a day without faith, hope, or love!

 I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone— for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. -- 1 Timothy 2:1-2

If you are social media such as Facebook (which HealthFULL Journey has a community page as well as an official website at www.HealthFULLJourney.com )  in November you probably noticed a lot of postings of daily reasons to be grateful as we approached the Thanksgiving Feast. 

These posts are great reminders that with a little extra thought we remember what truly matters in life.  Our family, our friends, our needs being met, our wants being fulfilled, and the chance to pursue our dreams and that no matter what is in the bank account, or the number on the scale, or the bills in the mailbox we can change our attitude and remember why we should be brimming in gratitude.

Wouldn't that be a good thing to do in December?  We get caught up in the hustle and the bustle of the season and sometimes forget the true REASON.  Maybe this month we could list a blessing and a short prayer.  Perhaps we could remind each other that a few seconds or even a few minutes of quiet, to spread goodwill and cheer will help us connect to the true meaning of Christmas. 

Maybe you are not one for public prayer because of various reasons.  Maybe you could perform a random act of kindness as we countdown the days to Christmas.  Gestures to remind people that gifts, carols, plays, parties, decorations, etc. are wonderful demonstrations of love to share the Good News that our Savior is soon to be born.  But not to forget that these are expressions or acts to demonstrate love.  May they not be the bane or deterrent to what is a joyous season. 

Will you join me in remembering to count your blessings and to share the love of Christ through prayers and acts of kindness to share with the world the true Reason for the Season?

May your HealthFULL Journey include too many blessings to count and continue to multiply as you add blessings to the lives around you. 'Til we meet again. . .

Dual Journeys

Do you ever feel split?  Are you being "real"?  Or are you living as a fictional character? How can you tell?  Great philosophers and comic relief paraded on television has pondered what is real?  And now so do I.  It is no secret that I play the "what if" game often.  But tonight I got caught up in the movie "You've Got Mail" starring Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks.  Who have had phenomenal romantic character history (Sleepless in Seattle, anyone? ;)  I didn't get sucked into this movie once but twice.  There are just some great lines.  And as I mentioned this to my husband for the second time tonight.  I mused out loud how this movie really is one of the best romantic movies for this sap right here. 

First it features a love story where the couple meets online.  That's my love story.  I randomly met my hubby in a teen chat room at seventeen and him sixteen.  I guarantee neither of us thought that first conversation full of laughter and jokes would be the start to our happily ever after - especially with him at that time in Lousiana and me up in the cold tundra of Minnesota and that somehow fourteen years later we would be married for nine years with a toddler in South Carolina.  But here we are and I couldn't be happier.  Or could I?  That's where the dual journey takes place.  The other part about You've Got Mail besides the sappy, cheesy lines that are pure genius (that's not my dad that's my nephew.  or "Don't you love New York in the fall? It makes me want to buy school supplies. I would send you a bouquet of newly-sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address. On the other hand, this not knowing has its charms.")  but it takes place in New York.  Oh, how I <3 NY!!!

That was my dream university.  I applied nowhere else as a senior in high school except for NYU.  This sounds arrogant or flighty but I never pictured a reality where I didn't get accepted to the Tisch School of Arts.  I remember opening that thin envelope - so hoping that the envelope only SEEMED small.  Nope it was my rejection letter.  Talk about true heart break.  But the next piece of mail I opened was my acceptance into a traveling theatre ministry.  And though New York rejected me Los Angeles beckoned.  It was a God moment and I know I took the right path (especially as there seemed to be very few other options :) .  But oh how I have relived that moment.  What if I had a better audition? Or what if I had sent my tape in sooner?  What if I had flown out to the school? What if I had moved to New York without college? 

I have been to New York twice.  Once as a sophomore in high school - although my love affair with this amazing city started far earlier in the romantic language of books and the visual poetry of movies.  And once driving through.  Seriously - we drove straight through.  Maybe I knew if I stopped I wouldn't get back in the car. . .  Sometimes I watch movies and it makes me wistful for the romantic independent heroine I could have been in that amazing city.  Carrie Bradshaw meet Kathleen Kelly (Meg Ryan's character in You've Got Mail) with a bit of Sara Thomas (Kate Beckinsale in Serendipity).  I envisioned myself writing, often seeing the best theater perhaps acting now and then.  Loving and living in my cute studio apartment eating Chinese food and enjoying the characters of the street and the events that randomly appear and occur in this city that never sleeps.  But thats not realistic is it?  Oh how it has been in my heart and thoughts for years these daydreams of what could've been, perhaps even the occasional should've been.  A more accurate portrait would be me crying that I can't scrape together rent to sleep in my roach infested not so quaint studio apartment.  That I have been eating ramen noodles for two years straight and when I feel big spenderish I splurge for hot dogs.  The only theatre news I catch is picking up playbills littered on the street.  This may be a closer picture of reality that I might have made a nightmarish daydream to comfort myself.  But you get the idea.

Instead I am blessed with the happiest little boy who giggles all the time.  You should have seen him strut his stuff today as he was given the all important mail duty of carrying the mail from the mailbox to inside the house :)  A husband who is tall dark and handsome and so incredibly kind and supportive and brilliant and loving and so much more.  Friends I adore, family who is near and supportive.  A job that takes care of my needs.  A church that is growing.  So many more blessings than I can count nor deserve by any means.  That's real.  That's tangible.  And yet there is still a piece of my heart and thoughts that wander usually to New York.  But that grabs memories and holds them up to the light of what ifs.  Or future scenes to create "ideal" situations and opportunities. 

I think it is this dual journey that causes me grief.  Because as I push on in my real life the fantasy life of memories, daydreams, alternate endings has a way of pausing reality and hiding the screen of true blessings.  I get derailed from my goals to live a healthier version of my life because I get confused what's real and what's not.  The what's not sometimes is so tempting and "perfect" that even though we know we're dreaming we can't quite shake ourselves "awake".  But then we miss the opportunities that can be so much richer if given the proper attention.

Its good to dream.  Its good to remember.  But don't get stuck. Don't get confused which is real and which is not.  Don't lose today because of what was or what could be.  Today holds the treasure.

May your HealthFULL Journey be an intense journey filled with wonder, dreams, successes, failures, heartbreak.  Because it is the FULL Journey that is real and not just the illusion. 'Til we meet again. . .

Strides for Autism

Do you know someone who is personally affected by Autism?  Or do you know a family member of someone who falls on the sprectrum?  The chances are very likely in today's day and age. Once upon a time, around 1950, the prevalence of autism was estimated 1 in 10,000 people were diagnosed with autism.  The numbers of today for children in the United States : 1 in 88.  Do you know 10,000 people?  Probably not - at least on a personal level.  Do you know 88 people?  Probably several times over without too much effort.  There are tons of reasons these numbers have greatly changed.  We are becoming more aware - but we also need to take a more active approach in research to help reduce the causation factors and also learn how we can support our friends and family affected by life on the spectrum.  Its not easy to classify in a neat description.  But those who live with autism themselves or within their households realize that it changes everything.  You may have seen the awareness ribbons - quite attractive with the bright colors that look like puzzle pieces.  Here is a great site that displays the ribbon and description : http://www.autism-society.org/about-us/puzzle-ribbon.html .

I like to walk for so many reasons.  But sometimes it is good to have goals.  So every year I try to pick at least one cause or several to raise funds and get out there to move.  A reminder to myself that health really is a blessing, one many of us take for granted too often - until we get a cold, a flu, or those dreaded test results or a frightening diagnosis.  A diagnosis our catch 22 in life.  We want validation when we see a doctor, a medical professional, a specialist.  We like that a diagnosis points us in a direction and hopefully comes with a cure.  But sometimes, especially after our patience has been tried, too much pain felt, confusion abounding and frustration burying us we finally receive our long awaited diagnosis.  And sometimes when we finally hear "the official word" we want to return it because ignorance seems a better alternative.  Because the diagnosis was too scary.  Too much unknown.  Or too well known with little success rates.  Perhaps its manageable but not curable.  Or if curable a hard unrelenting uphill battle.  These are our friends and families who need support the most.  Many of you might identify cancer with these examples.  And absolutely that C-word is a dreadful word to hear.  But a diagnosis of autism can also feel this way.  It can bury a family in depression.  Thats why we need to continue to fight together and support each other.  We waste too much energy in blame and pointing fingers, even sometimes bullying to separate ourselves from responsibility or a little extra work. 

It doesn't take much to help in most instances.  A kind word.  A listening ear.  A few dollars out of many pockets. An extra look to see how you can personally use your talents to help.  At the walk today they called in a fun run.  Along the path were little activities to "spice" up the walk.  Touch your nose.  Bunny hop. Spin around.  Smile bigger.  Sometimes we get so caught up in our daily activities, daily lives, daily duties that we forget to take that extra minute and spin our children.  To offer a silly grin.  Seconds these take to brighten a whole afternoon for both you and whoever you're with.  I challenge you to look for extra signs in your day on how to brighten someone else's day which in turn (I guarantee!!!) will also brighten your own.

I thank you all so much for the prayers, the support, and the donations the Strides for Autism today at Heritage Park in Simpsonville, SC was a great success.  There was a good turn-out.  Some great fun (including a Zumba work-out) and a beautiful song written by a father with a child who falls on the Autism spectrum. 

We still would love to meet our goal and you can still donate online at: https://scautism.org/strides/team/3/

Puzzles abound,

Mysteries swirl,

And sometimes frustration grows!

But yet, there are moments so precious,

that steal your breath;

because for one minute

we glimpse their world.

We meet where there is purity.

Where there is no confusion

and everything makes sense.

There are a lot of smiles,

perhaps a few cheers,

and only tears of delight.

But then all too quickly

someone closes the curtains

and the light dims.

And though we are are near each other

we no longer can communicate.

So. . . we start again!

We work with hope.

We work with determination

because even if all we share is a moment---

It was a moment too precious

too important

too special to miss!!!

Join us in our fight for autism

to unlock the puzzles that silences these precious gems.

Help us to help them.

Help us to share their story.

Help them to be their best version.

And help the world be better because of what we ALL can offer.

May your healthfull journey lead you to places beyond your craziest dreams and happiest fantasies. 'Til we meet again. . .

P.S. If you like the picture of autism awareness I found it at http://www.cafepress.com/kcgraphics/2318994 with a lot of amazing images and merchandise for sale.

A child's delight

It is my child's joy that keeps me on this journey.  I may slip.  I might fall.  I sometimes faceplant.  But I cry it out, laugh it off, and pull myself together to do it all over again.  However, I am trying to figure out my son's endless joy.  I TRY to keep things interesting and he just loves it all.  I work towards a goal and if I meet it before even celebrating I am thinking what should be my next goal.  Not my fifteen month old.  He truly captures the moment and lives in that second.  He cries when he is upset, he laughs when he is happy, and actively observes in between.  For example, last Sunday I decided it was a good fort day especially after our little church meltdown - my meltdown though my son contributed.  All I am gonna say is we were fifteen minutes late, handed in our offering, was ready for the sermon, and then my son started babbling and getting antsy - we stepped out for what I thought would be a minute to compose ourselves or the whole sermon as my son planned and one of us might have lost our pants (that one was my son - although I was the one probably mortified).  But again perfect example - I was looking forward to worship - the singing - the sermon.  And my son was excited to see so many people, and have room to crawl in the narthex which is crazily empty during worship :) Although I do tend to enjoy my pastor's sermons I probably will remember spending time in the quiet narthex with my son more in the years to come then the exact words that were preached.  Do you get caught up in the shoulds, the coulds, the woulds, the goals, and the events?  Or are you like my son and  you just live and breathe in the moment? 

Anyway, you might understand why I thought it was fair to have an easy afternoon?  Who doesn't love a good fort?  My skills are rusty but vast improvement from the one I attempted a month ago.  I am trying "to plan" and design a sturdy fort - with the ease of being casual and just good fun.  (but then the competitive side leaps forward and screams in my head this is going to be the best most perfect fort ever designed.)  And my son?  Sees a new obstacle and lunges for the half up sheet which is not sturdy by any means and certainly isn't ready to brace a quickly moving 21 1/2 pounder.  I kept telling him "Just wait, when the fort is finished we'll have so much fun".  And he responded with giggles as he threw himself repeatedly into the sheet or covered his face with excess sheet for some peek-a-boo.  I half laughed, sweated, and muttered about how this fort was going to be a success if it kills me.  I am rearranging furniture and huffing and puffing.  And my son is rolling on the floor laughing and pounding on the "new furniture" as it takes new location and climbing under and over EVERYTHING! 

Once the fort was up my son stood proudly under the draped sheet and tried to touch the "ceiling"; as time passed this challenge became easier and easier. He scooted and laughed until his heart's content.  I turned on Mr Popper's penguin and decided Mission accomplished!  There was so much fun to be had and I missed some of it because I was so caught up in the destination.  Not my son - he didn't miss a second!  I kind of believe he added seconds with his endless delight :)  It was the journey with twists and turns of what is going to happen next?  When the sheet wouldn't stretch far enough and started to flutter to the ground.  I thought Argggh! "stupid clothespin!"  And my son saw "new game", or "How cool! it covers me and I'm hiding.  I'll have to dig myself free!"  I had a minor heart attack as one of the chairs fell; while my son saw a new climbing challenge.  He feels the moment and I run right through them to get to the next moment. 

I have a lot to learn from my mini muse.  I look forward to smaller sizes and pounds lost.  But that is only results.  The journey is everything else.  I like to check off excercise from my to do list.  But I need to be grateful for that time of feeling healthy, embracing time with my son, and growing stronger in all aspects of my life.  I mentioned my son because he is my cheerleader, my inspiration, and my number one fan.  He applauds my crazy dancing.  He eagerly crawls into my arms when I am marching around the living room.  He tries to steal my pedometer :)  But most importantly every day he lets me know I matter.  And because of him I need to continue to get better and improve by moving forward.

May your HealthFULL journey highlight those people who matter: those who inspire, encourage, applaud, and share in your journey. 'Til we meet again. . .

 

Rays of sunshine

I have shared some "down" moments - I like to call them my Eeyore days (the gloomy donkey of Winnie the Pooh).  But as of my last writing I have been gathering my strength and editing my food choices.  There has been improvement and getting better.  Now it is time to start to improve my exercise.  I talked to a good friend tonight that got my juices flowing and wanting to get stepping.  However, I didn't as I let the tides of excuses wash in and slowly pull my energy and desire back into the vast ocean.  I get frustrated at not doing more or living this healthier lifestyle that I fantasize about.  I like how I feel when I move.  The energy is great, the looser clothes is nice, and that confidence is rising.  But then I catch a glimpse in the mirror and it is a sucker punch.  What? I haven't became the size 2 model I feel like?  Or then to give myself a boost let's step on the scale and applaud our efforts.  ON the count of three let's applaud the loss.  %$&*#) What!?!? I've gained!  Water-weight, stupid scale, my clothes must weigh at least five pounds, because no way after all this hard work could I have gained there must be something else.  But had I really changed from the two inches it took to step on the scale?  No but I let the negativity rob my joy, my moment.  And slowly I let my frustrations and temptations creep up on me and then surrendered.  Because I wasn't getting results fast enough.  Because the journey once again seemed endless.  I have hemmed and hawed.  Because quite honestly I am the queen of procrastination and pity parties.  What would be better though is if I stopped the nonsense and just put my two feet forward.  Exercise the fifteen minutes or even five just to remind myself - moving feels great and when strung together with enough effort feels amazing.  And stopped trying so hard to start the perfect journey and just began and let the journey unfold naturally instead of following a perfect set-up.  As my friend and I talked I had views on veggies and fruits.  That's right I have learned how to eat healthy but in the last month have covered it up like it didn't exist. It's time to uncover truths, put forth a little extra effort, and do it.  Next blog tomorrow is going to be about exercising and a food victory.  Because the baby steps once worked it is time to focus.  Because when we find ourselves trapped in the dark we seek out the rays of sunshine to offer hope, escape, and purpose.

May your HealthFULL Journey be full of sunshine. 'Til we meet again. . .

Buried Alive

I have admitted my heartfelt devotion to the series "Friends" and remember an episode where Phoebe says this is what she wanted her tombstone to read "Buried Alive".  Made me laugh and now it makes me think twice. 


I've let myself become buried alive.  It starts slow but quickly gathers until you don't even realize you aren't really living because you've been buried alive.  I have buried myself under my excessive weight, my obsessive worrying, my demanding task lists, my unrealistic expectations, and my clutter (emotional and material nonsense).  I've lost some amazing qualities because of all the junk.  I haven't posted because I am allowing the garbage to once again wash in like the tides and break down all my hard work.  I am desperately looking for a guide, a sign, a map, a path, something, anything to move me away from this quicksand burial.  At least I say this, kind of believe it, and so desperately want to believe this.  But I think in a subconscious way I like the clutter.  I can't find you, you can't find me.  I have a million excuses at my disposal (a lot has happened in the last three weeks, for instance a leaky roof).  I bought myself a little present a couple of weeks ago, a bracelet with a reminder of the scripture Jeremiah 29:11 which reads "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

In all my clutter I lost a lot of things and perhaps the worst is I have lost my hope.  And it appears my replacements have been despair, fear, and anger.  What horrible things to grab from the top of my piles and what is even more upsetting is that those replacements are covering, hope and joy and patience and so many other beautiful treasures.  I'm hurting but am having trouble getting my ducks all in a row.  I truly believe if I could focus just a little bit to clear out some of this clutter I can find a good path.  And I need to stop obsessing about the perfect path to enjoy my perfect moments.  I have too many blessings to allow any more burials.  So I need to begin to dig through the clutter.  If you have a moment I wouldn't mind an extra hand, (a prayer, a helping hand, a pat on the back) and together maybe we kind find some hope.

May your HealthFULL Journey help you to Fully Understand Life by Living and that you aren't suffocated by clutter but surrounded by Blessings and Hope.  -Jeremiah 29:11- 'Til we meet again. . . 

The Little Things

Happy Thanksgiving!!! Today is the day we choose to celebrate the little and big moments we cherish with gratitude. Do you know what I am thankful for? A working toilet. Was that a thank-you at the top of your list too? If it wasn't; I am gonna guess you haven't had plumbing problems of recent weeks. Then you need to be thankful because our bathroom is slowly draining our patience *wink*. It is having one issue after another. We tried to ignore the initial problems or at least downplay them. But the toilet that one got our attention and a plumber on their way. The plumber was happy to give us an estimate for all of our troubles, but notice I am grateful for the toilet. One issue down and many more to address down the line. It was a slight problem. We would flush the toilet and it would do its thing. Empty the water and then fill back up. Keep filling the back tank. And keep filling. And not stopping. Do you know where the water went? Out the handle!!!! Like Niagra Falls. I am not a handy-person. But that, that was wrong and kind of gross. I know I know. It's just water. But ewwww!!! My husband and I both became scared of the toilet. It was a rough roulette. Because sometimes it worked and more often it did not. The toilet was winning the war because we were running halfway around the house to use the non-issue bathroom. When the plumber came for his first visit of what might sadly turn into many he quickly fixed our first issue. And as mentioned gave us an overview of what events have sadly played out in the bathroom and what could be done to remedy them. We've all been there. Those moments that need to be addressed but that we just want to ignore. Weight is that way for many people. One pound, Two pounds, five pounds, who is really going to notice. No one really, twenty pounds might get an extra look, fifty there is gossip or at least chatter, and then hundred piles on within a nanosecond it feels. But it doesn't happen in a nanosecond, probably not even a week, possibly a month, but most likely a year's plus of looking away choosing to ignore the current moment. Life is complicated there is no doubt. But life is full of choices. Do we fight or take flight? Sometimes we can't do it all. It would be nice to roll over and go back to sleep and ignore everything like: the pets that need to be fed, comforting the sick child, balancing the impossible check-book, sorting the mountain of laundry, washing the never-ending dishes and the list goes on and on for all of us. It is in the moments of chaos we need to focus on the little things. We can't fix the whole picture in one stroke. But, we can fix a little thing one stroke at a time. By realizing with each little step we are choosing to improve the whole picture. I like to rush the masterpiece and try to paint everything with one stroke. It doesn't work and then I try to ignore everything. But that also doesn't work. Nothing gets done. So we pick a small project and focus. Because each step forward may be a little thing, but it tends to be a little thing worth our gratitude. So thank you plumber for fixing the niagara falls toilet. On this day and everyday I hope you have the people in your life that help you either enjoy or laugh at the little things from your daily life. May your HealthFULL Journey be FULL of choices and focus and gratitude. 'Til we meet again. . .