Turn the Page

        You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.  You annoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.  Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. - Psalm 23: 5-6

 

Ahh!  Turn the page - its such an exciting moment for readers.  What turn will the story take?  Are the words leading to something exciting or is it time to take a step back and learn more information?  Is the journey expected? Anticipated? Or thrilling with twists and turns?  And the ending what will I feel when the ending happens?  Some are satisfying - some are plain upsetting and my favorite stories are the one that leave you mesmerized.  These can be biographies or self help or novels and yes...the Bible.  I don't know of anyone who picks up the Bible one day starts at Genesis works through the Old Testament into the New Testament and finishes with Revelation all in one day.  It is actually uncommon for many people to do that with a year.  We like to pick through our favorite books, our familiar passages, and mentally nibble on these scriptures as we contemplate life, ponder our purpose, and wonder about our wandering. 

 

 

The above picture is my actual Bible.  I have other versions and copies of the Bible.  But the actual book pictured?  It's my favorite.  Its stolen - don't worry the first owner has knowledge of this theft and has even given his blessing of its home now being with me (even if it is begrudgingly ;)  I can't tell you all the places this book has traveled but it has seen most of the U.S. from Florida to Alaska and much in-between.  But what would be even more challenging to tell you is - where I've traveled with this HealthFULL Journey. 

 

Some of the days I turn the pages of this book my life dramatically shifts.  Somedays it is my mood - I may come to these verses: lost, confused, bitter, depressed, thrilled,but I walk away confident, encouraged, with purpose, grateful, energized, or somber.  Some readings have led to dramatic results - applying for new jobs, accepting volunteer opportunities, facing school yet again.

 

Yep -That is my new page.  I was reading the 23rd Psalm for a bible study to finish off the week.  Here this Psalm that many of us are familiar and yet this reading had a profound impact as if I was reading it for the first time.  This assignment came right after I received my letter of invitation to seminary to study for my Master of Divinity. I am excited, apprehensive, confident, overwhelmed, and yet when I read these verses - peace from the Holy Spirit just wrapped their arms of comfort and held me.  This book is more than words on a page - it is a Living Breathing Word of today. 

 

I remember one of my first classes from college that opened with two students pairing up and answering a couple of questions.  The first question we were to ask of each other is "What is the Bible?"  I was extremely confident that college would be a breeze as I obviously "knew" the right answer to this question.  I smiled proudly and said "The Bible is the Word of God." Ready to take my bow in delight.  My partner responded something along the lines of  "A book of myths that Christians see as history and use as a manual in their faith".  *Eyebrows raised*  What?!?!? That is not what My Church teaches!  I was ready to raise my hand and tell the professor that my partner was sadly mistaken.  But I realized then that I had a lot to learn in life.  So I did not tattle and began to wrestle with that choice.

 

13 years later I have to confess I still think my answer was the right answer ;)   I just have a lot more reasons to back it up besides my church saying so.  I have that experience of studying, wrestling, reading, pondering, and even the pleasure of just listening to these verses.   Do I know all there is to know about the Bible.  Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!  So everyday I pick it up and Turn the page. . .oh what exciting places we'll go. 

 

May your HealthFULL Journey lead you to places and experiences you couldn't imagine in the past, but appreciate for the future journey, and couldn't even fathom living without them in today's path. May each turn of the page encourage a journey that leaves you Feeling Unbelievable & Loving Life. 'Til we meet again. . .

Sometimes Sleep is a Team Effort

Belle (my dog) and Smokey (my cat) are true Bed Buddies :)

I lie down and sleep; I wake again, for the Lord sustains me. - Psalm 3:5

Oh how sleep eludes me!  I have never been a "good sleeper"minus two times in my life - when I had mono and pregnant.  How I miss those 12 - 14 hour naps ;)  I know in this world there are good sleepers.  My dad was one and my husband is as well.  These men I love blow my mind.  I tell myself I should go to sleep so I can get seven hours of sleep.  That is a pretty long night for me.  Six is average.  I am functionable at five hours.  Ooooh four is pushing it but I will try to rush to bed and yell at myself to fall asleep.  Ouch here comes only three hours available to sleep but still doable.  Oh no Oh no only two 1/2 hours - maybe a power nap will do it for the day.  Nail biter under two hours and under one is it even worth trying? 

That is my typical night before a big day.  And that was before I had the spontaneous alarm clock of a child at two years old.  It's like playing an all too important game of concentration but you really have no idea when the alarm will buzz.  Don't get me wrong I don't just watch the clock tick I attempt to lay down in bed, read, watch tv, send out an e-mail or two, possibly a blog like this entry in hopes to "clear my mind" so that I will stop flip flopping in bed. 

Now here is my  husband's attempt at sleep before a busy day or early morning.  Oh I need to get up at 6:00 am.  At 10:50 p.m. he will announce to me he is going to bed, check on our son, finish little nightly ritual, climb into bed 10:58 p.m. I will keep him up chit chatting for ten to fifteen minutes because there is something about him going to bed that will rip the cord on my thought train.  Sure I have seen him all day and talked several hours but it is in the quiet of that room that I have to ponder life's greatest decisions.  We will officially kiss good night at 11:10 p.m. and he will be asleep by 11:19 p.m. - if that late!!! Come on!!! I sometimes hope his sleeping magic will drift my way if I go to sleep at the exact same time.  I say my prayers including my nightly ritual of the Lord's prayer  since I was seven.  Funny what routines we carry from childhood into adulthood - take note parents these small actions do matter!  And then I just lay there.  Look at the clock, pet my cat, count sheep, flip sides, flip pillow, seek the cool spot with my toes and NADA!!!  My legs jump, I try to clear my thoughts and they just push harder and faster through my thoughts, and the whole time I can hear the ticking of our digital clock.  After 30 minutes (sometimes 20 if I am incredibly jumpy) I get up because I am about to lose my mind!  And to hear the deep breathing of my sleeping husband is like rubbing salt in the insomniac's wound!

And if I could sleep a couple hours straight through a couple of days in a row maybe I could sleep train myself.  But instead my adorable toddler is sleep-training me to be completely unfunctionable for society.  Maybe the kid is a crazy genius who knows a sleepy mommy is a pliable mommy :)

So after a busy Friday ending with a fun hanging of the greens at our church and the possible overactive, overly congested toddler coughing up to the point of disgusting mess on himself (who of course has extra set of clothes), mommy (who does not have an extra set of clothes) and carpeting called it an early evening.  Drew in bed by 8:30 p.m. Mommy in bed by 8:36 p.m.  This is a RARE situation so rare my husband tapped me awake at 8:43 p.m.  "Honey, do you really want to fall asleep now?"  With a quick thought and a possible nod if you count my head hitting the pillow as a way to say I think so - better to get a couple of hours then nothing. 

Someday's you have a stroke of genius.  Mine was that permission and God-granted gift of sleep at 8:30 p.m.  because the spontaneous alarm went off at 2:30 a.m. Ha ha kid I have six hours of sleep in me too!  I will happily meet your challenge this evening and combat you with love, patience, and kindness instead of the groggy whine and plead for sleep even thirty extra minutes.  That's good I had six hours because we were up until 6:30 a.m.  Oh we chatted, I had grabbed a blanket and pillow for a true slumber party.  We petted the dog.  How our dog is such a saint.  This is that teamwork aspect.  She laid down between me and my son in his crib and just let us each take turns petting her.  Wish her actions would trickle down to the cat who for some reason feels a quiet house needs to hear a cat meow every two hours - it's like playing wake the baby roulette.  Except the cat never seems to lose but the house's odds are quite slim to nil.  I changed his diaper, we rocked, we sang, we laughed, We told stories (I have to confess at 3:45 am I did not understand his twenty minute version of something but his lion and him seemed to think it was a roaring good time ;). A little after four I thought he had used up his energy sent out a quick couple of e-mails and then heard the cries - Pumped myself up like a boxing champ and ran into the ring for another ten rounds. Finally I fed him breakfast at 5:30 a.m. toast, cereal, and banana, and some milk.  I enjoyed a bowl of mashed potatoes - close enough.
We watched Disney Junior cartoons which encouraged my son to be up for the day so that was promptly shut off.  Crazy television! 

And yes we both succumbed to sleep for several more hours!  I have to give some thanks to my hubby for not only allowing me to take an early bedtime but took care of all the evening business, straightening kitchen, fixing our child's nightlight that went out, locking doors, and taking care of pets.  My son who was the challenger but also my teammate for sleeping a solid six hours before our nightly shenanigans and then taking quite the morning power nap. God for hearing my prayers that I needed more sleep and allowing me the opportunity to lay down and conk out before 9 p.m.  And my pets especially my puppy with her caring way to allow my son the opportunity to choose a soothing activity like petting her for at least fifteen minutes.   And even the cat for only doing one round of waking the baby roulette.  See in our household it truly is a team effort to catch some ZZZZZzzzzz's

May your HealthFULL Journey allow you the time to rest, to recuperate, and to refresh so that you can continue to make progress in your journey for complete Health and the opportunity to Feel Unbelievable & Love Life. 'Til we meet again. . .

Finally, my tiredness kicked in

Counting our Blessings

Drew you are my biggest blessing on Earth - May you never
know a day without faith, hope, or love!

 I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone— for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. -- 1 Timothy 2:1-2

If you are social media such as Facebook (which HealthFULL Journey has a community page as well as an official website at www.HealthFULLJourney.com )  in November you probably noticed a lot of postings of daily reasons to be grateful as we approached the Thanksgiving Feast. 

These posts are great reminders that with a little extra thought we remember what truly matters in life.  Our family, our friends, our needs being met, our wants being fulfilled, and the chance to pursue our dreams and that no matter what is in the bank account, or the number on the scale, or the bills in the mailbox we can change our attitude and remember why we should be brimming in gratitude.

Wouldn't that be a good thing to do in December?  We get caught up in the hustle and the bustle of the season and sometimes forget the true REASON.  Maybe this month we could list a blessing and a short prayer.  Perhaps we could remind each other that a few seconds or even a few minutes of quiet, to spread goodwill and cheer will help us connect to the true meaning of Christmas. 

Maybe you are not one for public prayer because of various reasons.  Maybe you could perform a random act of kindness as we countdown the days to Christmas.  Gestures to remind people that gifts, carols, plays, parties, decorations, etc. are wonderful demonstrations of love to share the Good News that our Savior is soon to be born.  But not to forget that these are expressions or acts to demonstrate love.  May they not be the bane or deterrent to what is a joyous season. 

Will you join me in remembering to count your blessings and to share the love of Christ through prayers and acts of kindness to share with the world the true Reason for the Season?

May your HealthFULL Journey include too many blessings to count and continue to multiply as you add blessings to the lives around you. 'Til we meet again. . .

Beginning to look like Christmas :)

Christmas 2010 - When our li'l one was still li'l :)

Look, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall name him Emmanuel," which means, "God is with us." --Matthew 1:23

I love that name - "Emmanuel".  That God chose to truly walk among us.  He could have remained on His throne and let us tough it out.  He could have came as an all powerful King but he didn't.  He chose His son to be born a baby.  He chose to show us he cared and would walk with us every step of the way. 

Maybe this is why Christmas is such a precious holiday.  Because babies remind us that life is fragile.  That as humans we truly need relationships - connections to other human beings to survive right from the start.  The commercial push is to start Christmas the instant we wash our Thanksgiving dishes (and certain stores stockpile their Christmas merchandise directly next to their Halloween decor).  I have to admit I to start the Christmas holiday the day after Thanksgiving.  But this is more due to the influence of my family than the stores. 

My family loves Christmas!  We embrace the seriousness, the beauty, the magic, the cheesy factor - oh we embraced it all!!!  The day after Thanksgiving was the haul out the decorations and start what would be most likely a week long project.  There was not a room untouched, or a corner unadorned.  We used to put up at least eight Christmas trees (obviously artificial of all different sizes - but ALL were decorated).   There would be Christmas Carols pouring out of the stereo (but this tradition started in August and would run into February - I may not be able to name a single current recording artist but I can name most Christmas Carols within five notes ;)   You can see the outpour of love for this holiday continued to my brother's household who somehow found a lady who loved Christmas as much as he did.  And my brother takes it a step further not only does he cover every inch of the inside of his house but Clark Griswold eat your heart out on the outside decorations which usually has at least one new purchase  to drive the holiday spirit home.  I've shared I loved this holiday so much it was my wedding theme and I was married in July :) 

Christmas to me obviously is the celebration of my Saviour's birth.  That God chose to truly live among us when He didn't have to but wanted to show His love in a way we could appreciate.  We know He can truly understand our temptations, our triumphs, our challenges because he lived them without sin. Wow! 

Now we all get caught in the drama, the details, the hoopla of the Season but there are so many blessings mixed into the commercial monster of it.  Greeting Cards are a wonderful way to remind people - we care, we think of you, and we wish you the best.  Although I am sure we will not be the only family that takes twenty family shots to pick the one that captures our best group look :)  Gifts are a way to express love in that tangible way some of us need.  That a gift touches upon our thoughts - you are listening, you do know me, and above all you value me.  Money is tight and we get consumed by the advertising and the call to spend and forget it TRULY is the thought that counts.  We go overboard on decorating, shopping, baking, visiting, and all the doing and sometimes forget the being present, forgetting: to listen, to sit still, to hope, to wonder, to wish, to share, or to just be. 

I'm fighting that this weekend I would love to be further on my to - do list with the decorations up, the smell of baking wafting the house, and the Christmas Cards addressed and ready for pick-up.  I am nowhere close to my ideal version of this weekend.  My li'l one is sick, that crazy cold it sounds like so many have.  One minute he seems perfectly toddler healthy, running and giggling, and the next moment cuddling with mommy while wearing new pajamas because the coughing was so harsh that a bath was required :(   So as I reach for a project to begin I hear the coughs and slowly push away the to-do list.  Because if the magic of the holiday is to be available, inviting, and full of wonder then I have to let go of the shoulds, the coulds, the woulds, the ought-to's, and be... Be ready, be available, and to be still. 

May your HealthFULL Journey be one of wonder as we embrace the Christmas Season and more importantly the REASON for the Season.  As your to-do list grows do not be afraid to cross out the extras or the overwhelming gestures and to remember that Simple and Humble is how Our Saviour greeted us, maybe the best way to celebrate Him is in the same way.  'Til we meet again. . .  

Taking Forward Steps

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”--Joshua 1:9

 

Whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!  That's how ideas flip through my thoughts.  I sometimes feel like bees are just buzzing and flitting through ideas.  I get easily excited and therefore pretty easily discouraged.  But sometimes you just get those ideas that clamor for attention.  They pull your nerves and tighten your muscles until attention is paid.  Sometimes these ideas seem so overwhelming.  You sidestep, you run, you hide, you dodge, you plead for these ideas to let go and find a new home.  Someone able, someone eager, someone enthusiastic, someone younger, just someone else would be nice to offer a haven to this craziness.  Finally, you convince yourself it is easier to attempt the first step and be rejected or roadblocked then continue to hear that squeal of the gears crunching together and jamming to a halt as you try to brake the constant whirrrrr! 

 

So I did it. I took the first step forward in what I feel is my life Calling.  I applied to seminary.  Just three years ago I re-applied to college to finish my degree after a seven year hiatus.  I certainly did not think that I would not only finish my B.A. but that I would actually apply to graduate school.  Whew!  It is exhausting to even imagine working towards my Master of Divinity while also chasing after a two year old.  But it's one step at a time, right?

 

I have felt overwhelmed a lot lately.  So to lessen the load I have been trying to put out little fires, de clutter here and there, make a menu, blow off responsibility and read or tinker on the www.HealthFULLJourney.com website, or just grab my son and head outside.  I probably should the last one more.  Once I get stuck in my thoughts it is hard to remember the importance of fresh air and simply changing surroundings can make a huge difference.  Right?  It is easy to get stuck.  Its easy to let those negative thoughts pull you down and crush your spirit. 

 

Tricks, gimmicks, are mental band-aids and sometimes they absolutely do the trick.  Sometimes you just have that snag or scratch that needs a little TLC and is poof all better.  But then occasionally the muck is sticky, thick, and STRONG!  Those situations can only be slightly delayed with a trick of breathing or a visual gimmick of peace.  Those moments when you truly are snagged by the hardening muck needs professional hands. 

 

Whew!  So it has come to that time for me.  It has been three and half years that I have held onto this so unhealthy weight.  There will be phases of great progress and then Whoosh as I slide down the mountain.  There is huge part of me that is ready to clean house and say farewell, but something isn't clicking.  So many wonderful blessings have came into my life and rocked my world in such a fabulous way with so many areas of my health VASTLY improved the physicality just isn't showing as much progress.  So I am going to work a little more on the mental/emotional areas and hopefully will trigger that physical response.  I have decided with some friendly suggestions and encouragement it is time to visit a counselor and deal with that mental storage room that is just crammed with junk.  I believe I have kept that off limits because of the anxiety of being pulled back into horrible replay of those sad memories that we can't quite let go that is full of failure, regrets, embarassment, and just the yuck files of life.  Sure those memories are minimal compared to the blessings in one's life usually until you get trapped in the room with them, face -to-face and then in that instant feel bigger than those monsters of childhood.

 

Just acknowledging that there is those issues to paw through so most can be let go is somewhat healing which leads to taking forward steps.  We can sidestep, skip, crawl, tiptoe, sneak all we want, but none of those actions help to strengthen ourselves or lead to a healthier life on this journey.  So for me to keep Feeling Unbelievable & Loving Life it means taking forward steps.  It means reclaiming confidence in my gifts and abilities.  It means acknowledging mistakes but not attaching them to me as a lifelong anchor.  It also means getting angry, vulnerable, and personal.  Whew!  But it will lead to blessings I truly believe.  Every pound lost adds valuable precious time to share here on Earth with my beautiful son and fabulous hubby and amazing friends and family.  Maybe that's the way to look at the weight loss - an extra tick on the life clock.  Each effort is a positive.  My first task is to drink MORE WATER and less and less soda.  Forward steps.  Sure I have conquered this healthy step several times over but than I slip back into the comfortable pattern of four to five cans of diet soda easily and slowly let go of drinking water habit.  Why is it so easy to backslide a gazillion steps and almost back-breaking to take that one positive forward step?  Especially when we know where we want to go and why! 

 

May your HealthFULL journey be forward moving with few backslides.  It's good to remember your starting point and to be aware of the forward progress that has occurred but be careful not to get stuck in the past by mistakes or by successes for it is the forward steps of today that lead us to the progress of tomorrow.  God's Blessings 'Til we meet again. . . 

 

The questions of Parenthood

Now Sarah said, "God has brought laughter for me; everyone who hears will laugh with me."  --Genesis 21:6 NRSV

The above verse actually references the news of Sarah's upcoming pregnancy in her nineties.  This verse makes me giggle as well, not because of her age but her reaction. I appreciate that she chose to respond with laughter.  I appreciate that reaction because there are many moments of parenthood that you can't help but laugh.   

As you prepare yourself for parenthood one tends to question their beliefs, their actions, their reactions to crazy off the wall dramatic scenarios.  My husband and I had a lot of conversations how we would answer some of the big questions - How many children do we want? Will I breastfeed or bottlefeed?  Will we encourage college?  Is it important for kids to get a job? Do we give them an allowance? If so, what age?  And the list goes on and on? 

And though it seems crazy as you grow your little blueberry to a strawberry to an orange to a full-fledged watermelon you discuss their possible needs of  two days, two years, ten years, and even twenty years into the future.  What you don't question or imagine are the real scenarios and the immediate impending daily pop quiz life will offer with detrimental consequences if answered incorrectly.  Most of those consequences including a bodily fluid of some sort. 

For instance,  as we prepared for parenthood we imagined a daily question would be:

Aren't you the cutest sweetest most perfect little boy ever born ?  And for the most part is asked daily but not nearly asked as often as the following?

WHY?    REALLY?     UMMMMM?   Will you please stop?  PLEASE!?!?!?!

Did you do this?  Can you even reach that?  HOW?

These are some of the more common questions that tend to occur on a daily basis.  This blog topic came from our question of tonight.  One of those questions that I didn't even dream up in my wildest scenarios of raising a child.  But as we asked it tonight took on a certain air of importance and a little bit of true discussion and a few attempts at trial and error.

What is this important question?  Pants or No Pants?  Hmmmmm.   The clock is ticking.  We went with pants.  Our son had worn himself out falling asleep as he held a private lecture for his best friend Lionel and perhaps other stuffed figures in his room.  He did reach out for support from Mom and Dad but after the ninth encore we bid adieu!  So as my husband did one of five nightly checks of our son he whispered "We have a conundrum."  Me acting all smug and replied "Is he asleep on TOP of his blanket?"  A question we have faced numerous times.  He replied "Nooooo....um...*silent beat beat* He has no pants."  UGH!!! Now for some parents with it being late November its a unanimous pants.  But our son has had the hardest time sleeping lately.  Which means mom and dad have not had an easy go at the sleeping.  This phase will pass I realize but we are tired individuals.  Plus our son is such a light sleeper.  We sometimes have to peek from afar as the kid's ability to hear rivals any top-secret sonar equipment out there.  But after discussion we confirmed Pants are better than no pants.  Then we had to discuss best strategy.  Should one lift and one slide pants?  Should one control the whole scene and slide pants over legs stretched out across crib?  I took the reins or the pants and slid.  Uh oh - abort mission.  Kid has scrunched into ball form.  Approach from behind with slight lift.  Stirring stirring - all freeze immediately!  Stop breathing let moment pass.  No eyes thats good - uh oh reaching there is reaching - stand back wait for it - yes grasp of Lionel's paw.  Eyes shut?  Finish sliding pants - flutter blanket - and together hightail out of danger zone. 

It takes teamwork some days to strategize, to laugh, and to question everything and appreciate the answers are never quite what you expect.  I have to confess this need to discuss the random questions we face has been after a week of laughter and many many questions.  Here are a couple of pictures to share what are day truly entails.

Exhibit A:

UMM? Really?
After my son fully dressed jumped into a bathtub filled with water.

Exhibit B: Why yes that is a garbage bag of dirty
diapers and yes those are indeed our truck keys. The
sad part is we didn't even know the keys were missing.
How?

How? Why?


So we continue to live with laughter and the endless amount of questions. We are grateful every day for this journey of parenthood.  But never without a few questions :)

May your HealthFULL Journey lead you with questions but always leave you with some hope, laughter, and a few answers at least every once in awhile :) 'Til we meet again. . .

Jello Elbow

Make me to know your ways, O LORD; teach me your paths.  Lead me in your truth, and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all day long.  --Psalm 25 (NRSV)

 

 

What a day!  But let's rewind to the night before.  I was a nervous wreck.  Jumping bundle of anxiety.  Worry-wart mcgee.  I was crazy to be with last night.  Just further proof that I married a saint.  I clinged to my kid, bothered my cat, hovered over my dog and kept trying to convince my husband I had Jello Elbows.  It is not the easiest thing to describe but you know adrenaline when it's pumping but you aren't doing anything adrenaline worthy (besides running around like a crazy chicken :)  It is pumping but has no release.  As the individual feeling it I feel like I am wiggling like wacky gelatin.  But in the mirror and I am sure my husband's view I'm talking nonsense.  But I felt it and I wanted him to understand that today was going to be a big day.  And that no matter what happened it was going to leave an impression in my life.  Some days we stumble into a beautiful precious memory or unplanned challenge that leaves a spontaneous scar.  But sometimes we just KNOW that life will be different - whether we force importance on the day, or the day doles out the importance by the bushel - it's a life-changing day. I'm sure we could all count some of those memories. 

 

So what was this huge event that was causing Jello Elbows? Well I was awaiting an introduction of sorts - a two hour interview you may say - or a lengthy discernment process that led up today.  It took roughly 400 miles of driving, four references, 20 rounds of e-mail, five phone calls, 16 pages of writing from my end, plus answering 1000 + questions (between online inventories categorizing personality and psychological traits) and then another 11 pages all to discuss in this two hour time frame.  It was a little mind boggling.  Who was this person I was to meet in such an intense manner?  Myself.  I was nervous as I was to meet with a virtual stranger who pretty much knew my entire life story and not only knew it but was going to share their professional opinion about it.  Kind of nerve-wracking, right?  (Not that this may come as a surprise but with all that information that was gathered it was determined that I do tend to have anxiety - point for me I knew that already :)

 

 

Actually,  nothing came up in the interview that was surprising.  For some of you this might sound redundant as I have literally lived my entire life (all 32 years) with the subject matter.  But I think we all like to hide from some parts of ourselves.  It helps to cope with our daily lives to not remember our phobias, our weaknesses, our frustrations, our wants, our needs, our opinions, our mistakes, our regrets, 24/7. Sometimes, we forget that when we set the problems aside or quickly but tidily sweep our issues under the rug - that they still exist.  Just because they are out of mind does not mean they have disappeared. 

 

Before I started this blog three and 1/2 years ago.  I was really good at dropping the uncomfortable parts of my life, myself, or even those issues that hang around my environment.  Shut off the lights, close the doors, grab the blankets and just train our thoughts to disengage from the "yuck".  Problem is it became easier and easier to step away from "issues/uncomfortableness" until there was little left to lose because I had hidden or pushed everything away.  So really these last three years prepped me for the introduction of who I met today. 

 

Can I tell you a secret?  I kind of liked her.  Oh don't get me wrong - the woman has ISSUES but there is this theme of hope and effort and signs of improvement that might just help stomp out the bigger gnawing annoying pests. There was a tone that was intriguing, almost inviting - that with a little more (lot more - depending on whose scale we're using :)  help; I may actually fulfill my dream of living my life according to God's call by following His truth to do His will.   

 

It's been a battle - not because God wanted to wrestle. Not even because I was ready to rumble.  But because I was scared.  Of what?  I don't even know if I can voice it anymore because in my own ears it sounds ludicrous and yet when you are living in fear surround by fear - it's beyond real and bigger than common sense.  But if you can catch your breath for a moment and truly face whatever imaginary fear lives to chase you and breathe down your neck - it will dissipate almost instantaneously.  Don't give your fears room to breathe and grow because they will happily run away like thieves with hostages.  The fears will multiply to trick and discourage you and will do anything to cause and manipulate your doubt to erase your sight or at least paint the path of hope or a true future a mere inch out of reach. 

 

 

So after years of running, hiding, crying, pouting, I'm walking towards God's path.  I don't know the end of the road or what other paths will tumble to my feet during this time of discernment.  But I am ready for God to teach me the paths. 

 

 

 

 

If you are wondering why you are looking at these plates of grapes.  This is a little trick from I found on Pinterest.com.  that includes - can you guess?  J-E-L-L-O.  Think of them as nature's sour patch kids.  So easy and most everyone enjoys this sweet treet.  You rinse the grapes, don't dry them, and then roll them in jello powder.  It looks prettiest when you match flavors with colors.  (Green grapes with lime, black grapes with black cherry)  They are so pretty and kids LOVE to help.  And if you can wait just an hour to let the grapes become chilled.  Instant snack. 

 

 

I add this grape story because we need to grab fruit from the vine.  And though I complained about my nervous JELLO elbows and called it anxiety.  Just sometimes that anxiety is mistaken for what really is excitement - for anticipation of what will happen next.  Yes, worry can cause Jello Elbows to dissolve in puddles of sticky syrup.  But sometimes those Jello Elbows are ready for a challenge to lead to an unknown treasure that truly shines like royal jewels.

 

May your HealthFULL Journey remind you that yesterday may have been okay, but today is better, and we can look forward to the future with hope and excitement - even if we are stuck with Jello Elbows today :) Feeling Unbelievable & Loving Life - 'Til we meet again. . .

 





Oh Twoodles :)

A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. --John 16:21 NIV

 

 

 

OH Twoodles!  My li'l boy is two years old.  Two years ago I was the calmest and most at peace I have ever been and that is honestly a testimony to the power of prayers.  Two years ago plus a day on November 2, 2010 I was two seconds from discharging myself from the hospital.  I was on day 8 and losing my mind.  The IV was driving me crazy.  The view of my hospital room had me believing the walls were closing in on me.  I was more than a little perturbed with the hospital staff.  I was finished with being a patient.  Either deliver the kid or we'll see ya in a couple of days.  I was tired of being pricked, poked, monitored, vitals checked, data recorded - DONE DONE DONE!  But that following day at the ultra sound where Drew was showing distress and my stats were a little crazy high I would have taken back every mutter of protest.  11 weeks early is too early -  but good thing God was in control and not me.  I joke now that my son was just done cookin'  and you don't want to mess with perfection :)  I called my husband told him to leave work, stop by the house grab comfy clothes and let out our dog and then head on up to the hospital.  I told you I was pretty chill for what was about to unfold.  I had never had any type of surgery and because of his early arrival a C-section wasn't just a possibility it was the only option. 

 

All the stuff I was a fearful of was handled with little to no incident.  Catheter which I feared worse than birds (which for me is the height of fears) was nothing.  The pain from surgery was almost non-existent.  My son's time in the NICU in hindsight was almost as uneventful as possible (sure the forty four days we endured went painstakingly slow and were riddled with nervous hiccups). 

 

And two years later?  I still cry at the stories of those who visit the NICU.  As I hear the beeps and in my mind picture the monitors of lines we stared at for reassurance, hope, and feeling involved with our child's well-being.  But two years later I get to chase after my son who is doing awesome.  We giggle, we sing, we pray, we babble, we cuddle, and we dance - we dance a lot - okay really he dances a lot and I dance some :)  We also curl up and watch MICKEY MOUSE.  I have been a Disney fan for as long as I can remember.  If you enter our house you are most likely to notice my Lion King Plate Collection and this huge Disneyland Poster. 

 

So when it came to a theme for Drew's 2nd I thought it was going to be Elmo and then Mickey Mouse Clubhouse rounded the corner and won the race by a mile.  He loves their opening theme song which we bounce to but it is the closing Hot Dog number where we both get up and shimmy!  We giggle and we dance.  That means for lunch today we offered our family and friends a hot dog lunch.  We tried to keep things simple.  But that is hard for me.  I say it to my husband and he takes that to mean we are going to keep it simple.  And in my head it means I won't rent a circus nor book Cinderella's castle but otherwise everything is fair game.  I have spent many of nights trying to create the perfect decorations.  However, I was still hanging items (and not all got hung) by the time guests started to arrive, nor was I completely dressed, nor had I brushed my hair.  I felt like such a supermom/host - welcome let me go get ready for the party we invited you to.  :( 

 

But as Dr. Seuss said "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." We had a good turn-out - no one went away hungry and the birthday boy napped and played and laughed! 

 

We welcome the two's with trepidation as we say good-bye to the baby years and the toddling because everyday his footing gains sureness, confidence, and speed.  Quickly he leaves his baby steps behind to race unto adulthood.  We also welcome the two's with pride, excitement, and anticipation.  I hear they bring out some terrible facets of growth but I know (and hope) for the terrific twists.

 

May your HealthFULL Journey include a little cake to celebrate those moments that feel they might break you but actually are the moments we laugh about and end up raising our arms in gratitude to a Lord who knows best and showers us with more blessings than we could ever imagine. 

 

   



Because sometimes we get our cake and get to eat it too :)
 Happy Twoodles - 'Til we meet again. . .

 

God is watching . . .

And so am I!!!



No testing has overtaken you that is not common to everyone.  God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength, but with the testing he will also provide the way out so that you  may be able to endure it. ---1 Corinthians 10:13 (NRSV)


Right now I am living my dream.  The crazy part I didn't even know it was my dream.  Sure I have had these off handed pitter patters at similar daydreams but really this time I was caught off-guard.  I thought being a SAHM (stay at home mom) would be boring.  That I would feel like something was lacking.  That my days would seem endless.  That it would be almost too easy. So far from the truth.  I am on day 9 and I am shocked by the challenges, the ease, the fun, and all that I've accomplished and how much more I have left to learn.

I am on a faith journey I never imagined.  I gave up a comfy and as secure job as you can have these days in May to nanny for some of the world's greatest kids.  Knowing it would be only for a summer (though in full honesty I did approach the family to extend the job - can't blame a girl for trying).  I wanted to create the job because it would be convenient for me and hopefully for the family as well.  But mainly I wanted some control on our finances, a solution to the problem of being uncomfortable.  I appreciate the skills of being adaptable and to ability to improvise on the spot.  I applaud the beauty and humor connected to the act of spontaneity.  And once upon a time I believe I possessed those skills or at least could fake it with the best of them.  Maybe it's because I hit the age of 30+, maybe because I am a mom, or maybe I was a control freak all along - but what I know is NOW I appreciate the comfort of plans,lists, and schedules. No job on the horizon was nerve-wracking and wait there is a bottom of the ninth grand slam - knock it out of the park job offer in that famous last minute. 

It was a good job.  It was challenging, it was fun, it was heart-warming, and yet it just did not fit into our life.  And we tried, we pulled, we tucked, we shimmied, we pleaded, we wedged, we crammed, and just no go.  So the only option left was to become a short term SAHM.  We're working out some other options as I begin the candidacy process for ordained ministry.  Perhaps I can look at this blog as training ground for future sermons. 

I've had several people share they wish they could afford this option - the luxury of being a SAHM.  I'm going to be blunt we can't afford this option either.  But on the other hand we couldn't afford not to try this option as well.  I am still looking for jobs I have sent out three resumes this week alone.  (and it's Tuesday).  But it has to be the right job with the right schedule for the right pay.  So we turn it over to God (or at least I'm trying to).  It's hard.  I like disposable income - I'm awesome at spending money.  I spent (oh this is embarassing) $73 at the dollar store in hopes of "saving" money as we prepared for our son's 2nd birthday.  When I confessed this expenditure to my hubby - he laughed and said you bought seventy-tree items? I proudly smiled - I actually bought more *rubs knuckles on shirt*.  So you see budget is not one of my fortes . . .yet!  I'm trying though.  Between sales and coupons we are averaging forty percent savings according to our grocery receipts.

Cooking - I am okay.  Great sous chef with clear explanantion - but hubby and I agreed I needed to take on more responsibility with the title of Head Chef  :(  And as a housekeeper I'm the worst.  If we could afford help - I would fire me! But again I'm trying, I'm learning.  I have to admit though I kind of make an awesome babysitter for my son.  We laugh, we cuddle, and slowly are improving bedtime/naptime.  Think of it as the bunny hop - one hop forward, one hop back and sometimes three forward (really teeny tiny hops forward) - but PROGRESS!  If I ever have to apply for this position I can prove my track record of learning things quickly :) 

So this is why it is a faith journey - because my resume would not get me seen for the position of a SAHM. And if for some reason I was called for an interview - from what I  just wrote; who in their right mind would hire me?  And yet, here I find myself as a SAHM for one more day? For one more week? One more month?  I don't know - I am truly learning to live day by day.  Which is a completely foreign concept for me.  I can't remember the last time I wasn't working for tomorrow.  I need to do this so tomorrow will be better.  And then tomorrow comes and I am working on the next day from the moment I wake up until I go to bed.  But these last nine days I am concerned about today!  Living in today does not just mean taking care of the here and now but to truly embrace it and enjoy it.  Because I don't know when it will be time for the next challenge.  But right now I get to count my blessings - not only do I have God watching over for me but a son truly watching me - EVERYDAY! And a hubby who supports me through it all.

May your HealthFULL Journey serve as your witness of the life you want to lead and not just a sneak peek of what is hopefully, to come.  We all get just the one chance here on Earth, so make it count - because someone is always watching! 'Til we meet again . . .    



 

When the world hits back - BAM!!!

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight. --Proverbs 3:5 NRSV

 

 

 

It's happened to you right?  You're lying on your back in pain, not sure what's happened but all you can see are stars?  Life has hit you smack dab in the face and you just want to crawl under your covers.  Maybe it was a physical assault - a stray board, an accidental elbow, an out of nowhere ball that lands on your schnoz.  Maybe it was a hurtful comment, a stinging insult, an ungrateful reaction. Maybe it was life-changing news - a lost job, a dreadful diagnosis, or a woe wrapped with grief.  Maybe you were at the end of your rope or maybe you were having the time of your life and BAM!  We've all had that moment.  We all handle that first step after BAM! in our own way but the majority of us regardless of how we plan to adjust to the BAM! We tend to tremor with a note of distrust, our confidence is a little lower, our voice is a smidge quieter.  Our world was rocked and we are afraid we can't have it happen again or have vowed to never let it happen again.  So how do we approach that first step? We build our defenses a little bit higher.  We are a bit more cautious with our choices.  Can I give you an example the inspiration for this blog? 

 

Yesterday was a beautiful autumn day here in South Carolina.  Just a touch of a breeze with the sun shining - you could wear a t-shirt as the sun kept you warm or long sleeve and the breeze was just enough to keep you cool.  My son and I were antsy to do something.  We also had another family member who just wanted to be loved - any activity that included the family was great by her - our dog Belle.  Our toddler is in the stage where he has a lot to say and is aware of everything and he is fascinated by our dog.  FASCINATED!!!  So we headed outside to play in the yard.  I chased the dog, Drew chased Belle, and everyone was having a wonderful time.  Well enters the scene is our jealous cat.  He is not a fan of many people nor many activities except for sleeping and eating.  But he heard our giggles and someone's squeals of delights.  So Smokey was checking out the scene looking a tish forlorn with a bit of a scowl as he sat on the other side of the screen door.  Our cat was a northern cat so he isn't an outside cat at all.  Kitties don't live outside in Northern North Dakota or they don't see spring :(  But every once in awhile our cat gets a hankering to check out the world surrounding his house.  So usually I leave the screen door up to keep out bugs (I so DISLIKE bugs).  But seeing this pitiful display I tiptoe to the door to open it if kitty should choose to wander outside and left it wide open.  He isn't really a trusting cat.

 

At this point, I should also mention as my son is aware of the dog he is SUPER aware of the cat.  The dog is my son's comrade, nanny, protector, buddy - you name it they are pretty close.  But the cat has no desire to form this bond.  He sees the boy as an adorable terminator with instructions to destroy kitty.  Probably because my son releases a battle cry and runs full speed after any glance of the cat directly towards him like a missile.  This happened yesterday.  Drew is happily kicking/chasing a ball with me as Belle rests to catch her breath.  Smokey tentatively steps out into the big bad world for seven seconds and then hears the high pitch cry of delight from my son as he charges directly towards the cat.  Of course our cat books it back inside.  I slam the screen door shut to give the cat some space from the overeager toddler.  Well all of this commotion encourages our dog to run around the yard like she is in a crazy puppy Indy 500 Sprint kind of thing and all of a sudden she must just get this overwhelming urge to either check on the cat or desire a drink of water.  Because Belle starts to wind in her top speed race type circles and dashes to the door.  Or a better description would be through the door, except she doesn't make it all the way through the door.   She kind of bounces as the tear screams across our sort of screen door.  Now I let out a combination of a guffaw, yelp for the dog, shriek for the pocketbook, and a gulp of air as I try to figure out how to handle this.  The dog seemed okay though a bit skitterish and I slid the door out of the way.  I decided we had all had enough fun and called in both my son and dog.  My son chose to not enter the door because he thinks the game of chase and retrieve the baby are the most fun games around as he giggles in delight.  He has especially mastered the I'm going to run towards you like requested and get as close as two inches away from where your arms reach and then turn around and run as quickly and as far as I can while I giggle uncontrollably.  I like this game so much more around our house/yard than public places (like libraries, church, grocery stores - we play this game a lot!!!)  I then attempted to bring my dog inside  who is all about coming in after playing for a good bit.  She came close to the door and also abruptly turned around.  I figured she wanted to retrieve the boy and I was all for that as I encouraged her "go get Drew - tell him to come inside!"  My son decided the game wasn't as much fun as I stood by the door and did not join in the pursuit.  Plus he could climb the step inside and that's so much fun.  He enters the house and I expect Belle to trot in so proud as she had shepherded the boy inside.  She nears the door and whimpers.  And takes two steps back.  I wave her in - and get frustrated - get inside so I can close the door.  She again steps forward but stops at the threshold - if you have ever seen a vampire movie.  I swear she was acting if there was a power holding her back. 

 

And there was a power - a power of fear.  How many of us fear the return of our downfall?  A reminder of pain we were uncertain we could survive the first time.  We will do anything to avoid the return of that unspeakable pain, discomfort, helplessness that BAM! knocked us to the ground.  We avoid possible patterns, tell lies to ourselves and those around us, we limit interactions, any item or activity that we can control to alter the same consequences.  My dog refused to let this screen door catch her offguard again.  Another example is my brother in high school before he could drive was riding his bike and hurt his finger pretty badly - quite a few stitches.  It took his finger awhile to heal.  Finally, after the splint was removed he was riding bike his again.  His bike slid on some gravel and so concerned about protecting his healed finger he landed badly on his arm and broke it. 

 

I do not say these alarms to protect ourselves are bad.  Some of the BAMS! are great opportunities to learn but with each pain we lose a little bit of faith, our trust begins to tarnish in response to these hurts.  And sometimes we let the fear of the pain repeating cause us to harm ourselves worse or miss out on the blessings because we are afraid of treading to close to that painful territory.  I tried to prove what I could to the dog that she was safe crossing the enterance.  I stepped outside back inside to show no door.  I clapped my hands in several spots.  But it had to be her that took the step of faith back into our home.  She came close and began to gently and gingerly wave her snout near the entrance, she then leaned into her pose to cross her nose over the boundary, and finally lifted her paw in surrender and climbing into the house.  YAY BELLE!!!

 

And Yay you!  On your HealthFULL Journey you probably have seen your share of BAMs!!!  But give yourself a pat on the back and a round of applause because if you are reading this you have survived each and every one of them.  And maybe you are in the midst of one - First I am sorry that you are hurt or boiling over in anger/frustration -But can I tell you something?  You got this.  You are strong and growing stronger everyday.  And the sooner you surrender the helplessness, the anger, the disappointment, the blame, the shame, or the guilt - the sooner you can begin to heal and take the positive steps forward over that daunting edge; steps that you need, that you crave, and that you deserve!  May your HealthFULL Journey never include a BAM you can't conquer and may you always feel FULL - Feeling Unbelievable and Loving Life while also living a life FULL of Health. 'Til we meet again. . .

 

I share a picture of my puppy Belle in honor of her bravery and reminding me that even we are scared of the world hitting us back we need to move forward in faith with our heart firmly trusting the Lord. 



Boo goes the Pumpkin

But the seed falling on good soil refers to someone who hears the word and understands it. This is the one who produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown. - Matthew 13:23

I once was a summer girl.  My birthday was in the summer. We always traveled on our biggest family vacations in the summer. No school!  We would ride our bikes - everywhere! Especially the pool! The taste of freedom on those bikes with just enough breeze a little change in the pocket for the ice cream treats and cold soda cans from vending machines.  And I used to tan this beautiful gold and the sun naturally highlighting my hair.  What happened?  Now I am so not a fan of the summer - it's buggy, hot, and I always feel sweaty and I no longer tan.  I burn pink and then red rather quickly.  No fun!  But autumn?

Oh how I have fallen in love with autumn (Secretly I would love to name a daughter Autumn Rain - I can share this with you as my husband has vetoed this a bajillion times but I am a die-hard dreamer and still holding out hope :) But the temperatures around here are just perfect for layers and jeans.  My favorite outfit.  The leaves are just majestic.  And some of my favorite produce appears in the markets.  I love my berries in the summer those reds and blues and maroon blacks - yummy, sweet and tart.  But when the crispness of the air starts to appear its apple and yes wait for it ..... the beautiful greens, oranges, reddish tones play out for the wonderful Winter squash season - can we say delicious?   And minus the turban squash (my arch-nemesis) the rest of the squash family is always a go-to for a super tasty, filling, and easy side item/entree.  You can see my entry last year how the turban squash and I fought.  I always like to claim victory but as they begin to appear in stores I physically turn my cart around at the sight of these amazingly grotesque but yet disturbingly attractive sculptures of produce.  But no handy chef knife will slide through these heavy duty squashes.  The work did not equal the reward - so I steer clear.  But if you are having an autumn party they would make phenomenal center pieces. 

But yes the squashes have hit the supermarkets and now my home.  We sit with a two spaghetti squashes and one butternut squash (by far the family favorite as it makes a simple but tasty roasted side or can also be used in a cozy heart-warming  soup. )  And here comes our fruit/veggie of the week - A White Pumpkin.  I believe the grocery store just called it a mixed pumpkin. 

Boo - Happy Autumn :)

So why the white pumpkin?  If you have read my produce of the week I am a sucker for non-typical color choices.  Pumpkins are always thought of as orange.  As the white pumpkin sat a couple of weeks on our counter (love that squash has a sturdy shelf life) I always chuckled at the sight of it.  I thought two things.  Its a ghost pumpkin which sounds like a fantastic halloween mascot/symbol.  And two it looks like someone washed away all the orange and here sits this morose pumpkin without its cheery festive orange color.  After several conversations and hints from my husband that it would just make his day to come home and the pumpkin no longer stealing our counter space I decided to tackle the pumpkin project.

Who doesn't have great pumpkin memories?  The carving, the baked goods (my dad makes fantastic pumpkin bread and pumpkin pie and even yummy pumpkin seeds.) This used to be one of our fall traditions.  My dad was in charge of pumpkin duty and I was honored to be his assistant.  I gathered and picked through pumpkin guts when we would carve our two family pumpkins which I believe I did most years up to my junior or senior year in high school.  I do enjoy holiday traditions - the cheesier the activity the better right ? :)  And I was assigned certain duties for pumpkin pie and pumpkin bread - I was ALWAYS the sifter for pumpkin bread.  We had a squeeze sifter that I used over wax paper. After I married my hubby the amazing chef of our household.  He asked me to sift and I was so excited as this was a kitchen task both familiar and fun.  Smiling to myself as I was going to dazzle my hubby with my amazing skills he hands me this tin mug with a crank.  Ummmm what is that?  He shrugged and had the audacity to raise his eyebrows with the reply "A sifter".  Ummmmm no.  My sifter of choice is a tupperware equivalent with a orange top with a handle that you squeeze and part of the top swivels back and forth as it passes the dry ingredients.  Don't give me this lose sieve with a weird crank.  A girl has her pride and loyalty to childhood traditions.  Plus my daddy used to praise my sifting skills my husband again shrugged his shoulders and offered "then don't sift its not that big of deal."  Oh its a big deal! 

But I digress back to the white pumpkin.  It was intimidating!  I tackled the pumpkin in the past as an assistant letting the leader navigate the recipe and the portions.  I don't know what to do with this pumpkin - soup, bread, pastry, treat it like squash?  And the size I wasn't sure exactly how this broke down. One dish, two, three, six? I don't know.  So I decided I wanted pumpkin seeds and to puree the rest and throw it in the freezer until I had the wits about me and measurements.  Wow - I know why I procrastinated with this huge white pumpkin.  It's a lot of work to cook this produce with no true path.  We did roast the pumpkin seeds using the fabulous "Roasted Pumpkin Seeds" recipe from www.epicurious.com    

Ingredients

Ingredients
2 cups pumpkin seeds, rinsed and dried
2 tablespoons butter, melted
1 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
1 tablespoon brown sugar
2 drops hot pepper sauce

Preparation

1. Preheat oven to 300 degrees F (150 degrees C). Line a baking pan with aluminum foil.
2. Stir together the pumpkin seeds and butter in a bowl. Add the salt, Worcestershire sauce, brown sugar, and hot pepper sauce; stir. Spread the seeds in a single layer on the baking pan.
3. Bake in preheated oven until crispy, about 45 minutes.

Read More http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/member/views/ROASTED-PUMPKIN-SEEDS-51179871#ixzz2AHWC70SU

Ohhh so good!  I am so debating if we should buy at least one more pumpkin for just the seeds.  Such a tasty snack - little savory, little spice, little salt, little sweet and fantastic crunch!!! When you first cut into the white pumpkin you may be surprised that the flesh is a pale yellow.  I think I still expected that bright orange flesh that screams "Happy Halloween".  But the seeds were pretty easy to remove as the pumpkin guts weren't as gloppy as I remember.  Not sure if that is the difference between the white pumpkin and the traditional orange carving style pumpkins.  Or if I am not the same and didn't puposely dig through the flesh in search of every single seed.

We do things - simple actions, big gestures, innocent comments that people observe, record in their memories and base opinions or judgements.  The quiet moments when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and unscripted are when people truly witness our contributions and our character.  My dad had no idea how much I would still treasure those fall days where we baked pumpkins and I still can see where I sat to sift my ingredients on the wax paper and smell the spice of pumpkin goods.  I can only hope that my son is starting to build his own scrapbook of the memories that will warm his heart about his childhood.  Our witness about our spiritual journeys, our mental conquests, our physical feats, our heartfelt passions, and/or our simple acts of charity need not be grand or over-the-top crazy or perfectly molded - they just need to be sincere.  And hopefully when we do good, with God's grace and blessing some of our actions will be seeds that fall into good soil to encourage the growth of others. May God bless you and keep you - 'til we meet again. . .

To Seek is to Discover

"Let us then pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding." --Romans 14:19

 

 

Day 2 as a Stay at home Mommy had a rough start we were playing a hidden treasure/ scavenger hunt/ follow the leader and I was unaware of the target.  Have you ever had a boss ream you out in a language you don't understand?  For fifteen minutes I had an irate toddler gesturing frantically, grunting, bellowing, and chiding at me in toddlerese.  I adore the kid I promise you but he is kind of a grumpy bear when he wakes up.  This morning he pointed immediately to the rocking chair.  Which usually at night means rock me mommy/daddy and sing/hum me a lullaby or two or five.  This is not our normal morning routine.  But I am a new employee eager to comply and smooth out all interactions.  Well we hit the rocker and flailed our arms with a scream of protest.  Ahhh morning point to the rocker does not mean sit.  I asked jokingly, I asked matter of factly, I pointed out suggestions and none could help solve the miscommunication.  I tried to go on with our morning as if he didn't have a dire message to share with me.  Diaper change was an obstacle course, a few tears from both parties, but then back to the morning hunt/argument.  You may have noticed the angry Donald Duck stomp is the best visual of how my son appeared after twelve minutes of my incompetence/ignorance.  By this time we had tried sitting in the rocking chair four times, the recliner twice, two offers of breakfast in the high chair and at least ten rounds of bedroom to living room and total meltdown when we closed his bedroom door.  (Which we do daily so this was especially alarming.)  Finally, he said something about da-da - ah a word I understand.  And something that resembled where da-da?  Victory I think I know what or I should say whom we've been searching - bad news daddy had only been at work for ten minutes.  I tried reaching him on the phone thinking this may bring peace to our home.  Of course no answer.  So I opened the garage.  And somehow - this gesture - this act - brought calmness to our chaos.  Drew was pleased with the missing car.  Maybe he understood that I wasn't hiding his daddy from him.  Maybe he was excited to play in an area of the house he rarely sees minus departures and arrivals.  Maybe he was tired of yelling at mommy.  Regardless I felt victorious and the world's best detective/crisis manager by 8:10 this morning.  But a fifteen minute berating takes a toll even if the boss is an adorable almost two year old.  Unto our next task - breakfast.  Easy peasy. 

Now chore time!  Its kind of like Double Chores which then doubles again.  My son loves to take out the trash.  So I handed him some garbage he grabbed his best friend and the three of us trekked through our yard to dispose of the mounting garbage.  Sure it takes longer to actually trek the shole way but the boss looks so smug when he does his part.  From trash we moved unto clutter piles - I do love me a good clutter pile - if you saw my house it appears I collect them as they multiply quickly (especially if you ignore them like I have :) So we attacked the clutter - which means I tried to straighten and my li'l wonder felt attacking the clutter meant we should physically attack the clutter.  Throw it, stomp it, eat it, push it, hit it - you get the idea.  This chore is done in small increments for sanity and safety reasons (especially when we get to the biting/eating portion). 

After lunch and a lengthy nap -( Naps alone are a victory and a beautiful reminder why the schedule needed some fiddling ) - we did another small round of clear clutter and then break time.  I love the thought of routines and deadlines and goals to accomplish.  I also am a huge procrastinator without some schedule.  So as a motivation tool and to truly appreciate this time with my son I have a goal to do something fun/productive/out of the rut - crafty, experiment, field trips/errands.  Something stimulating - don't get me wrong I love the goldie oldies (everyday toys, dances, books, songs) but I want him to learn about the world and me to have the chance to learn about him.  So we did our Speech therapy homework of shapes - we colored them and stickered them and it was the best part of my day.  I get caught up in activities, schedules, lists, daydreams, etc.  I seek perfection and extremes.  But for that time I was present.  I was giggling, I was coloring and playing with stickers (probably my favoritest thing to collect since I was six - weird but totally true factoid :) , I was in the world I imagined. 

After two loads of laundry it was unto another fantastic dinner if I must confess.  Chocolate chip pancakes, bacon, and scrambled eggs with tomatoes.  YUM!  It felt a little bit victorious to eat two nights in a row before seven as a family eating the same meal.  Also using up ingredients that usually are bought with the best intentions and then sadly forgotten and thrown out in total waste.  But not this week.  This week the tomatoes found a home in our bellies and not the garbage can.  I know - it's the little victories.  Plus I made extras of the pancakes for the freezer (ha ha take that frozen waffles!!!)

It's the honeymoon phase of the job.  Call me cocky - call me naive but I just think I might still be in love with this job after the first two weeks.  But we will see :)  A part of me has secretly craved this job for two years but sadly I didn't think I was qualified or up to the challenge.  And another part feared boredom.  Its looking like it is even better than what I dreamed.  May your HealthFULL Journey pursue your desires that will bring peace and upbuilding to yourself and those around you.  For when we follow God's Will everything has its own way of working itself out. God's blessings until we meet again. . .



Call me Suzy Homemaker :)

 

"Train children in the right way,

and when old, they will not stray." --Proverbs 22:6

 

 I've started yet another new job.  The hours are long and demanding - the pay is pretty much zilch (literally!) and the boss, well at least my immediate daily supervisor - whew - misses NOTHING!  Here - meet my boss - Mr. Drew - 

 

 

Yes, my boss is a little bit precious.  A little bit adorable - but don't let him fool you - he is demanding and misses NOTHING!  Bathroom breaks are not tolerated and no sneaking off for an early coffee break - munchies will be shared or there will be none. 

 

 

Why the change?  I loved the challenge of my last job opportunity and the kids were enthusiastic and entertaining.  But the schedule was wrecking havoc here at home.  I was scheduled 2:00 p.m. to 6:00 p.m. with roughly a half hour drive time either direction.  This did not include the drop-off schedule for caretakers.  And my son is an afternoon napper.  Which means it was too late to start a nap after switching caretakers or too early for nap to be done.  For two weeks this kid was working on less than ten to thirty (luxury version and rare!) minute naps. The earliest dinner happened was 7:00 pm.  Note I said earliest and that is not helpful for a toddler nor his parents.  Plus Monday through Friday with afternoon childcare needs we were always coming up a day short for childcare.  Someone had appointments, or my husband had a funny work schedule, or some random emergency and we were always struggling and complaining (I was more the complainer and the whiner - but the whole house suffered!)  So with a lot of prayer and discussion we realized we weren't benefitting from the job as much as we hoped.  With a daily afternoon obligation I wasn't quite motivated to dive into some of the big organization projects I have piling up around here.  Plus, the point of working part-time was to actually spend time with my son and that's not really quality time as he chases me around for attention and then destroys the area I have neatened - frustrating us all.  The extra income was going to gas, childcare, and eating out as we were trying to eat somewhat together somewhat early.  And housework wasn't happening,  I tried to code it in organization but I must reiterate housework was very low on the priority list - laundry and dishes were bare minimum to keep the house functioning, but otherwise very VERY low on the list.  And family time was schedules, clean (insert laundry and dishes here), fretting, and the occasional giggle. 

 

 

So as we wait for God's next whisper I am doing the job I have feared and secretly desired since my son's birth.  To be a stay at home mom.  Why a fear?  I am not one to clean nor cook really.  And being a mom sometimes still shocks me.  That this adorable toddler and I are connected for LIFE - that's a forever kind of commitment!  But the good things are too many to count.  I already feel accomplished for the first day.

 

I played with my son as we looked at books, chased each other around, danced (the kid has some fancy and hysterical moves), cuddled for television, and just randomly chatted and moved in the same space.  He helped me do three loads of laundry, took a long enough nap for me to tackle most of the master bathroom (it had hit EW! status), sweep, vacuum, change kitty litter, took an early morning bath, had an Early Interventionist appointment, straightened countertops, and with a little assistance from my hubby we cooked cheesy beer bread with chicken n dumplings.  YUM!!! I have never made a dumpling until today.  It is one of those comfort dinners of my childhood that seemed a perfect challenge for a beautiful autumn day when all three members of our family have some sort of cold. 

 

And the best part - my husband asked me tonight if I felt stressed and I giggled no!  I can't tell you the last evening I could have answered that question with a genuine no.  Oh there are challenges - like the small mountains of clutter that have taken residence.  There is the establishing a rhythm of my son and I and the balance of  this new role such as time and expectations of both my husband and myself.  And finances *gulp*.  But for the first time I am embracing TODAY!  Today I get to spend time with my son. I might find a new job tomorrow, next week, next month - who knows?  But I have today to enjoy my life, my family, my home and I am going to cherish it. 

 

This experience is a gift from my true boss - God.  And also a gift from my partner, my soul mate, my co-pilot in this parenting gig - my amazing hubby - who handles life with such a sense of ease.  And a gift to truly get to know my little wonder.  He's a tough boss with a good heart!  So I take the challenge with enthusiasm and anticipation for the rewards like this:

 

May your HealthFULL Journey lead you to Feeling Unbelievable & Loving Life.  We have today to spend with those we love and accomplish what really matters.  If tomorrow doesn't come are you happy with how you handled today?   God Bless 'til we meet again. . .