It sure Ain't Easy, but it Sure is a lot of F-U-N!

Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine,

  according to His power that is at work within us, - Ephesians 3:20 NIV




What I Imagined. . .

What is. . .

I know why we aren't allowed to foresee our lives because we wouldn't take the necessary steps to move forward.  Are you familiar with The Dance by Garth Brooks?  The whole song is about how isn't it great life is left up to chance and choices and surprises then us handpicking our stories.  Why - because if we knew the endings we wouldn't take the beginning steps.  And without that first step because of fear of the ending we would miss too many stories, too many opportunities, too many lessons, and too many precious memories.  We are conditioned to avoid pain.  Do you believe me?  Think of the next time you have to endure something painful - handling paper after paper cut, a shot/vaccine, washing out a wound, touching something hot. How do we respond -  we flinch, we pull away, we hesitate - we react in ways that show caution and hopefully steps that will help us avoid further pain. 

Today was a rough day.  I have decided that torture is trying to put two babies to sleep simultaneously.  Parents of twins - I salute you!  Granted I took a misstep that I will avoid to lessen my chances of repeating this painful scenario.  I forgot my son's stuffed Lion.  It happens, right?  My husband and I are fortunate parents we have a pretty easy-going sweet child (so much more his daddy's son - I just benefit :)  Oh holy Toledo Batman!  This child went ballistic, hysterical, and drove me to tears.  For 46 minutes out of fifty - he screamed, he cried, he pitched the tantrum of tantrums today.  He is twenty months old and obviously does not believe he is capable of a nap without his best buddy!  What was even worse? The three year old was actually trying to "nap".  Usually her and I go toe to toe, but not today!  Today I was locked in the battle of wills - would a nap commence.  I sang, I rocked, I cuddled, I tightened hug, I cooed, I whispered, I giggled, I paced, and my son SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEAMED in my ear, near the quiet three year old.  I finally walked through the house as the other kids were on lock-down while we tried to create a peaceful, quiet, almost serene naptime area for the two youngest.  Sadly, the toddlers missed the memo.  Not one but two children asked why aren't the two youngest asleep yet.  Great question!  And I not had a obnoxious piercing scream destroying my hearing abilities I believe I could have answered more wisely or at least more patiently.  However I sputtered out with dripping sarcasm, "I Don't Know!"  Losing my mind!!!  We returned to the recliner to once again commence naptime.  The tantrum began, the screaming escalated into short breaths of hyperventilation and mutterings of a desperate prayer - breathing deepened, limbs relaxed, and utter exhaustion took hold of both children. 

It would be easy to run my victory lap - I did it - both toddlers are resting at the same time!!! Amazing right?  But it was God's abilities and my willingness to concede defeat.  In our weakness God shows His Glory.  I like to be the best.  I like to attain almost perfect scores and everything to be precise and if I am going to accomplish something I want to knock out a homerun the first time at bat.  Can we all hit a Hole-In-One?  Absolutely!  Can we do it our first time swinging the golf club? Doubtful, but possible.  Will we accomplish this goal every time we tee-off?  Nope.  Should we stop golfing altogether?  Not really. . .We miss those chances to be great because we don't want to risk the ending of failing of hitting rock-bottom. 

I worked for a good company before becoming a nanny.  They were beyond generous and supportive through my schooling, working a second job, and my pregnancy and the challenging beginning days of my son.  But I stayed too long at the office job that I was qualified to do but not passionate to improve.  It wasn't my calling and I knew that far before I handed in my resignation.  But it was comfortable and as I said a great place to work.  They took care of me.  But I began to suffocate and I leapt at the chance to be nanny.  Let me get this straight you want me to hang out and play games with five awesome kids where I can also bring my son to play.  Uhhh Yes please!  I imagined weekly trips to the library, daily adventures through our imagination, never skipping a devotion as we clamored together to share in God's Word.  Ummmm well we have done some of that.  I thought there would be lots of giggles and smiles and fun.  We sometimes laugh and have fun but there is a lot of the backstory I quickly edited from my plans - the bickering, the tantrums, the sulking, the pouting, the fights, the name-calling, the anger, the sadness, the - well you get the point.  It is downright taxing.  And its easy to get caught up in the frustrations - they tend to spurn each other. 

But then whats even better than my imagined version of gumdrops, lolli-pops and oozing sweet pictures of working with children bliss are those quiet moments.  The moment where my son curls into the lap of his oldest cousin.  The squeals of delight from their youngest as their middle child chases her with enthusiasm.  As the whole group deliberates and discusses the most strategic puzzle placement.  The boys reaching a peace treaty to play fairly. 

I wouldn't trade it.  Oh don't get me wrong if you had flashed the emotions and the daily energy withdrawals required by this job I would probably run for the hills.  But for every frustration, every drop of sweat, and every tear shed - I have at least five smiles and giggles upon giggles of what I've learned, witnessed, and been blessed by.  And this is all possible - because I admitted to God - though I was okay at the office job I was weak in passion.  He answered my prayer with a powerful response that maxed out my passion, my energy, and my talents and all he required a step of faith.  Its okay to take that first step without knowing the last - actually its better than okay its what we are supposed to do.  We are tempted to wait for those "perfect" moments but then we get caught waiting as precious blessings float right by.  Be encouraged!  A step of faith may not guarantee perfection but it sure is a lot of F-U-N!

May your HealthFULL Journey be adventurous, full of Faith, and surrounded by F-U-N. 'Til we meet again . . .    



Supermom Jeans are here!

The power of my new jeans brought me a grateful puppy, compliments from my hubby, and the squeals of delight of my son.  Yes people these jeans were magical and transforming.  But how you wonder.  Because they were my "short-term" goal jeans.  I bought them last week in hopes of fitting into them soon.  They are two sizes down from jeans I bought this past summer.  So I washed them and then tried them on for a fit and they fit.  Not perfectly, but not where I have to lay on my bed and exhale all my breath (girls may understand that sentence more than the guys :)  So today I put them on and it was pure magic.  I smiled, I felt pleased with my efforts.  I haven't bought this size since my honeymoon (summer of 2003!!!)  If you can do math or at least "Suzy math" that means I subtracted approximately eight and a half years.  Wow! I am a girl back in my twenties and not a bedraggled mom in her thirties - no wonder I had a smile.  But not only did the confidence that these jeans radiate cause me to smile but those around me.  I had lost some of my "control".  I've admitted to several people that recently I have started to "recall/remember" my spontaneous side.  As I've grown older and trying to keep chaos to a minimum I've adopted a lot of "routines" and schedules to help keep things in line.  Organization is good - routines can be helpful.  However as Julia Roberts as Vivian in "Pretty Woman" said " I would say I'm a kinda fly by the seat of your pants gal, you know moment to moment."  Once upon a time I was a fly by the seat of your pants and loved chaos. It was challenging to think of my feet.  And somewhere in the twists and turns of life I let go of chaos and clung to routine.  Which it was good to get organized but sad to leave such a huge part of my personality in the years of yesterday.  So today with my supermom jeans I let  today guide me, I let logic and practicality take a backseat. 

This afternoon I texted my hubby if he wanted to run to a discount warehouse store instead of him picking up the couple of necessary items on the grocery list.  That's right in a day of spontaneous actions we threw out the list!  We had no dinner planned as our eggplant curry would be without eggplant or with spoiled eggplant and we decided skip the curry!  My dog Belle came inside and she was covered in grass!!!  She has been wriggling on the weirdest things lately.  I thought it was because she wanted to share her scent or pick up the new scent.  So as I grabbed her brushing mitt and stepped outside with her and my toddling little boy.  I realized she is shedding and rubbing her fur against anything to get rid of her winter coat.  So I brushed and brushed, and petted and petted. (In my new supermom jeans no less !)  Then I noticed I don't let my son play outside enough and decided today is the day to remedy that. (even though he just had a bath not even five hours earlier) But no fear of mess on a day that welcomes flexibility and chaos if it comes.  He loves to play in the bath and sneaks off to play in the dog's water dish.  With a beautiful day outside happening and my dog's fur flying in the wind; today is the day where I have promised my son that he could play in a basin of a water, make a mess, and be a kid.  I grabbed the supplies and let him have at it.  Since I was outside I decided to take a little time and start raking our yard of all our "gifts" from our stupid rubber gum trees or whatever they're called.  It gets daunting to think of doing the whole yard so if its all or nothing.  Nothing usually wins.  But today something was better than nothing.  We don't use our yard enough.  My dog wants to be chased but I trip on those li'l gifts from the trees.  Today I started to clear a patch for Drew to wander and Belle to lounge.  As I raked up my five small piles (still in a sweater and my supermom jeans!)  and watched over my son giggle in pure delight and sit in soaking wet pants my dog Belle laid down in the center of the freshly raked piles.  She looked at me with puppy dog eyes and bowed her head in a show of gratitude.  Then my hubby came home as I was giving my son his second bath of the day and that is when the compliments poured in.  What I accomplished today, that he had a happy son and dog (and somewhat cat - but can we really tell when the cat is happy since he does whatever he wants whenever he wants all the time?).  We hit our warehouse shopping without list and managed to cover dinners for tonight and most of the week .  We got home and I hacked up a fresh pineapple - all thanks to the supermom jeans.     

No my jeans probably aren't magical (although I will do another test run to test this theory)!  But it did feel good to feel free, flexible, less rigid, and in the moment.  It was reminiscent of a part of me that I let go.  Slowly I am tugging that part of me back in today's world while still holding onto the more mature organized self that can finish projects.  Because chaos girl was great at starting things but when you are always "in the moment" you forget to shut off running water, complete unfinished chores, and leave calls unreturned.  A woman who appreciates a little mix of schedules and menus with on the feet ingenuity may just be who I want to be when I grow up. Thanks supermom jeans for bringing a smile to my face and a sparkle to the eye of those I love.  (If you look closing at the bottom right of the screen door you can also see our disapproving cat Smokey.)

May your HealthFULL Journey remind you of the good of the past, the amazing possibilities of the future but only after you have had the chance to truly embrace today.  'Til we meet again. . .

Mutiny within the household

Oh it is time to change some things up in this household.  I must remind myself how much I love my pets.  Because between the pets and my son - my life has been crazy!!!  Mutiny was declared three days ago.  I believe the cat started the charge (my dog and cat are real life examples of Garfield and Odie) and pressured the puppy to do his bidding.  And the baby is starting to observe more and followed their lead.  Three mornings ago, I had a rough time sleeping which I believe is when I wrote the blog Buried Alive.  I then crawled into bed knowing I had exactly five hours to sleep which is perfect for me.  I can function and still be halfway pleasant.  Oh but the forces of the animal kingdom and the angelic lil' boy had decided to put their plan into effect.  As I crawl quietly into my sheets and trying so hard to not to disturb my amazing hubby (who really LOVES sleep) I gently lower my head unto my pillow and just about to sigh the sigh of sleep descending onto my body.  Yelps begin to crescendo quickly and loudly from the foot of the bed.  It was my dog catching her toe nail in her collar.  This has happened a total of five times in her two and half years with us but is an unmistakable sound.  I am in the beginnings of a sleep haze trying to figure out how to react.  I first reach for her but then realize I can't see her (sleep fog, she's black and it's dark).  It will be hard to disengage her without hurting her or myself.  So I fling the bedside lamp on and fling myself back to the foot of the bed where it appears she has disengaged herself.  I can't imagine but this little interaction between the dog and me woke my hubby.  Crazy!  So I flung back to turn off the light (after double-checking my puppy, readjusting her collar, whisper soothing words) and scoot myself under the covers to try to appear as I have no idea why my husband has awoken with a start.  Guess what?  I am fully wide eyed awake.  So not good, we are now under the five hour window.  No problem, just de-stress. Breathe in, breathe out and don't focus on the ticking minutes.  I finally fall asleep in about a half hour window.  No problem I can make this work.  Three hours and twenty-five minutes later I am awoken to a puppy whine.  Someone appears to be hungry and/or half to go outside.  I imagine hunger and pretend to not hear the whine.  This may sound cruel but keep reading.  Two minutes later the whining is no longer outside my bedroom but two feet from my face.  I squeeze my eyes tighter.  The dog then begins to lick my foot (mind you my hubby sleeps closer to the door and he is not being disturbed).  Okay you win dog.  I let her out, feed treats to the cat, and then feed the dog.  I am exhausted and can still catch an hour to sleep if I go back to bed this instant.  I quickly return to bed, scoot under the covers, one flip to the side, bring on the dreams.  And the monitor begins to crackle with baby grunts, next baby sighs, then unto baby babbles.  My head is echoing protests of NOOOOoooooooo!  The baby 99% of the time always sleeps one hour later.  Please not this morning.  And then the alarm of the baby scream of one hungry lil' guy.  Mercy I give! No sleep for this mama.  I charge to his room and begin his morning routine including bottle.  I have about twenty minutes I could return to bed.  But my hubby awakens as the dog felt both of us should be awake (though he did get the wake up call an hour after mine). I put the baby down and crawl back into bed for the full ten minutes to chat with hubby.  I then get ready for work and my voice mail goes off.  Guess what I don't have to come into work until two and half hours later, good thing my dog woke me up and hour and fifteen minutes early so that I can be two and half hours late.  Seriously! (I did go back to bed for that missing hour and I was a much happier person after my nap/sleep).  Next morning it can't be this crazy right?  Oh this time the cat decides to take matters into his own paws.  I woke up two and half hours early.  Why?  you may ask because my cat literally pounced on my bladder.  Now you might think this wasn't on purpose (but that means A. you don't know my cat and B. he was standing beside me like he was about to give me CPR except was pushing on my bladder).  Thanks Smokey!  Of course I would like to get up at this time to give you your treats.  I was only sleeping, what a brilliant idea to get up one-hundred and fifty minutes early so you can have your treats.  I took care of the animals and once again returned to bed after gaining my pets permission.  And then this morning (Saturday) I was literally pushed out of my bed at four a.m. by the dog.  I woke up gripping the side of the bed and my dog rolled over and literally pushed my legs unto the floor. 

This is my proof that mutiny was declared (I am a little nervous of what will happen in my sleep tonight).  Most of us are familiar with the saying that pets and babies pick up our moods.  My family appears unsettled and tense which means I got to get my act together or the furry creatures and the seven month old are going to take control of the house.  (Let's be honest they have always ruled the roost, the difference is now they know they rule the roost!)  It's time to dig deep and figure out how to gain my footing.  And if I can't figure it out I got to fake the confidence to make it work around here.  Things don't have to run perfectly but it is time to get things ship shape before the mutiny sinks us all.

May your HealthFULL Journey strengthen your relationships and make you all better versions of yourself. 'Til we meet again. . . .