Caul me Orange

I remember the joy of the hunt, idling over choices, and then research on how to best try our new vegetable,fruit, or grain of the week.  It makes it fun to get in the kitchen.  Not everyday because one can lose their mind.  But once a week as kind of a treat it is so much fun.  It opens your world to different tastes, cultures, and techniques.  This week we decided it was time to start incorporating this fun little ritual back in our house.  And as a family of three (though our little one has a while to go before he samples with us) we scavenged for our pick of the week.  Drumroll please.... Take a peek at the title of the blog. . . Orange Cauliflower.  Does the color matter when picking produce ?  Absolutely.  I am not a huge green pepper fan but bring on the red or yellow bell peppers and I will cook them or eat them raw with pretty much anything.  The color (if left to mother nature)  is the minerals and vitamins that make up the vegetable.  So orange cauliflower has way more beta carotene than the white variety.  And different minerals and vitamins will usually change the texture and the taste.  So for those who have limited market/produce access, have you tried every apple?  Different brands have different levels of sweetness and tartness and the different textures make some great for baking and others not so much.  Farmer's markets are great places to try because they tend to be local and not usually sold in your regular supermarket.  It is also fun to try different grocery stores.  I understand you probably don't because of cost or distance but a four - six dollar investment that encourages your family to gather, hunt, decide/negotiate, cook, and dine together sounds pretty worthwhile. 

So back to the orange cauliflower.  I enjoy regular cauliflower and have many found memories of mom's cheese sauce that went with it as a kid.  We tend to eat it more now around our house steamed with garlic.  YUM as a side dishes to most meals.  Cauliflower is so easy to prepare in numerous ways.  And when it comes to cooking for me I love the worlds simple (because I make things pretty complicated by myself), quick, and fun twists.  So I gathered three recipes for my hubby as we were having orange roughy (fish) (also notice our orangy theme - although we rounded out the dinner with spinach.)  It took ten minutes to gather these recipes from the internet for those are nervous to prepare unknown foods.  The www is amazing!  I type in my ingredient and add the recipe and voila the world is welcomed to my kitchen.  So my three recipes steamed in the microwave with balsamic vinegar, oven-baked with some herbs, and mashed.  Hubby voted for mashed.  Steamed the medium cauliflower for eight minutes in the microwave after chopping away the bottom green leaf and the breaking up some florets.  Then pulsed the steamed orange cauliflower with a touch of cream (we had some in our fridge, the recipe recommended milk) and some garlic.  Poured into a bowl for serving and topped with salt, pepper and the recipe recommended thyme but we were out.  It was delicious! The orange cauliflower has a sweeter taste than the white.  A lot of people tend to cover the white with cheese to cover that bitterness but the orange doesn't need it at all.  Keep it SIMPLE!  The consistency of the mashed cauliflower with the color reminded me of really cheesy grits.  Definitely a dish to repeat.  Especially if you are tired of the mashed potatoes and want to get more beta carotene (think sweet potatoes, carrots) in your house. This is fun and delicious with numerous opportunities.  I also have heard of purple cauliflower but have yet to try/see it.  From what I have read it sounds like it is also sweeter than the white version but not as sweet as the orange.  Kids tend to love bright colors on their plate to encourage healthier eating.  But don't forget the kid in you as adult who also loves to try new tastes and appreciates more fun in their day.  Start with your plate- its amazing how one change can lead to many others!!!

May your HealthFULL Journey lead you to amazing changes, treat you to new tastes, and the opportunity to have choices.  'Til we meet again. . . 

Surprise!

Life feels like it is full of surprises (It's like I am playing "Press Your LUCK"  and I keep saying Big Money and life keeps doling out the Whammies.  I must have hit my limit by now.)  My hubby and I made a deal that he would take early shift this morning and I would tomorrow.  As I am tired of all the mutiny from within the household.  Six oh four rolls around this morning and my dog is whining.  Who does she wake, oh me of course.  And I stumble into the bathroom angrily.  And as I enter my room to feed the animals and take her out.  My hubby is awake and doing the morning duties.  Ahhh what a sweet man.  Surprise one - frustrating - surprise two - heartmelting.  I crawl back into bed for the beautiful world of sleep. beep beep beep, beep beep beep, beep beep beep beep beep beeeeeeeeeeeeeep.  The monitor was losing battery.  Bitter me!!! So it isn't just the animals and the baby declaring mutiny, it's the world.  I stamp out of the room to grab the cord, plug it in.  And seethe my way into slumber.  I wake up and decide it is time to check in with my blood sugar.  I wasn't expecting perfection but figured it would be quite a bit lower from last week.  Lower but not near where I thought it would be.  Which means it must be broken.  I grab the monitor and ask my hubby for a favor.  He agrees because he is such a nice guy.  He did not know I planned to prick his finger.  He has a beautiful number.  So umm not the machine.  Now I'm frustrated at surprise 4.  But instead of diving into junk food.  (Well I did have leftover turkey tacos from last night but it was a lunch portion).  I decided I needed to work out so I didn't put it off for all day.  I decided to use the Wii Fit.  I got on the scale and saw I hadn't been on in a month and one day.  I know the habits I have been keeping.  I am imagining that I have gained up to ten pounds.  I am ready for it - Surprise 5 - I lost 4.2 pounds.  Really?  Thank you Wii Fit Scale.  I appreciated the pick me up.  Delight with Surprise 5.  And then I did the age body test - 22 years old for today's test - I 'll take it.  Here I was thinking I had lost all of my hard work for those two months.  Yes it was beginning to unravel but I caught it before it fell apart.  I guess I feel that is my lesson for today.  Life is full of surprises , the good, the bad, and the ugly.  We can prepare ourselves and then let it go.  Don't leave everything to chance that is not living,  but don't prepare for every possibility of rough times because a) you can't because it is impossible life still will surprise you, and b) you become a robot - you are programming yourself and your life but still avoiding life all together.  We need surprises.  The good are blessings and the bad tend to teach.  The ugly reminds us of what is truly important and matters at the end of the day.  When we barter all we have for the importance (family, friendship, and health).    I do enjoy a good surprise, but have learned so much from the other kinds.  For those of you experiencing the Whammy surprises.  You aren't alone and I promise there is a limit in life like there was in the game show.  We just don't know what that number is.  Life will get better!  God bless those who are hurting.

May your HealthFULL Journey teach you lessons with as painless surprises as possible and delight you many times over with the good surprises.  'Til we meet again. . .

Fifteen times two

Oh that's right folks I exercised a full thirty minutes.  My goal was fifteen minutes but hit thirty while breaking a sweat.  I forgot that sweat can feel good.  Your body is letting go of toxins because you are working it.  Not fun to sweat when one is just sitting inside an airconditioned house.  Which I have also experienced recently.  But to sweat because I actually grabbed my work-out gear and moved with purpose was wonderful.  I have a Bollywood DVD from the library and popped it in.  Now I didn't do all the jumps and adjusted as I saw best.  It's my body and it wasn't ready to leave the ground for a total of 55 times.  It did a little air, a few times.  Isn't it amazing when you place something on your priority list that it can actually get accomplished.  And I think it was a combo of the two but I felt so good.  A combo of actually moving my muscles who after working out for two months straight and then almost a month off were feeling neglected- cheered that I remember they needed some attention and purpose.  I also think my mood lightened because I wasn't feel guilty for ignoring exercise or postponing the work-out.  Having a little one motivates me to get priorities done in the a.m. when he is sleeping.  Because once he is awake my schedule is in the hands of a seven month old. 

Also my food victory was getting back into the habit of drinking water when home.  It wasn't the only beverage I consumed but it was an increase over recent weeks.  And that's great because we all got to start somewhere. 

So for Saturday I jumped, I sweated, and I reacquainted myself with my water tap.  It really is life's simple pleasures that keeps the world a happier place.  May your HealthFULL Journey spotlight your true desires, priorities, and blessings (big and small).  'Til we meet again. . .

Rays of sunshine

I have shared some "down" moments - I like to call them my Eeyore days (the gloomy donkey of Winnie the Pooh).  But as of my last writing I have been gathering my strength and editing my food choices.  There has been improvement and getting better.  Now it is time to start to improve my exercise.  I talked to a good friend tonight that got my juices flowing and wanting to get stepping.  However, I didn't as I let the tides of excuses wash in and slowly pull my energy and desire back into the vast ocean.  I get frustrated at not doing more or living this healthier lifestyle that I fantasize about.  I like how I feel when I move.  The energy is great, the looser clothes is nice, and that confidence is rising.  But then I catch a glimpse in the mirror and it is a sucker punch.  What? I haven't became the size 2 model I feel like?  Or then to give myself a boost let's step on the scale and applaud our efforts.  ON the count of three let's applaud the loss.  %$&*#) What!?!? I've gained!  Water-weight, stupid scale, my clothes must weigh at least five pounds, because no way after all this hard work could I have gained there must be something else.  But had I really changed from the two inches it took to step on the scale?  No but I let the negativity rob my joy, my moment.  And slowly I let my frustrations and temptations creep up on me and then surrendered.  Because I wasn't getting results fast enough.  Because the journey once again seemed endless.  I have hemmed and hawed.  Because quite honestly I am the queen of procrastination and pity parties.  What would be better though is if I stopped the nonsense and just put my two feet forward.  Exercise the fifteen minutes or even five just to remind myself - moving feels great and when strung together with enough effort feels amazing.  And stopped trying so hard to start the perfect journey and just began and let the journey unfold naturally instead of following a perfect set-up.  As my friend and I talked I had views on veggies and fruits.  That's right I have learned how to eat healthy but in the last month have covered it up like it didn't exist. It's time to uncover truths, put forth a little extra effort, and do it.  Next blog tomorrow is going to be about exercising and a food victory.  Because the baby steps once worked it is time to focus.  Because when we find ourselves trapped in the dark we seek out the rays of sunshine to offer hope, escape, and purpose.

May your HealthFULL Journey be full of sunshine. 'Til we meet again. . .

Hitting Bottom

Whew!  Isn't it somewhat a relief to feel the solid ground of the bottom? No more of this free-falling and wondering if there is an end?  FINALLY there is a foundation to finally pick myself up.  I have felt myself sliding and slipping on the slope.  But today I finally hit what I feared and it woke me up! It can't get worse but only better that's exciting.  There are possibilities, there is room to explore and grow, there is time, and there is. . . That's right there is more than I can even imagine.  Hallelujah!  I have binged, and I have felt sorry for myself, and I have consumed myself with worries and doubts.  But today I couldn't think of change, I had to start doing it.  Everyone has a different bottom, a different story, a different motivation.  I haven't stayed aware and had my epiphany moment of this is what will happen if I don't start becoming active in my life and make choices that help instead of ignoring the harmful options that stick themselves to us like velcro.  I had a bit of a health breakdown physically (I feel I have ran the gamut between the worlds of financial needing a new roof, breaking the computer, and insurance nightmare, spiritual as a dark cloud hovered near my heart, and emotionally and mentally between the black cloud, and the ripple effect it caused.)  So to finally hit the physical break was like finally let's get back on track and get priorities straightened.  I have all the pieces of the puzzle scattered near each other.  I can put this back together.  I let my sugar get out of control.  I have been guzzling soda pop (I usually drink diet but was trying to get away from the pop and was stealing my hubby's - and somehow had convinced myself I wasn't really consuming pop because I wasn't officially buying my brand.)  Can we say denial?  I had convinced myself to drown myself in juice.  So I had fallen in the trap of drinking numerous calories (all sugar!), eating a bagel (yes they can be yummy but so dense of carbs), and then INDULGED in a wicked sinfully sugary treat drowned out by a sugar filled coffee.  With a little dabble of fruit and very little else.  Can anyone else see the trail of sugar?  Shocking that I don't have ants following me like the Sugar and Spiced Suzy of Pied Piper ville.  I felt my body reacting (sweats, cramps, and dizzy in a somewhat alarming way) but I had once experienced this reaction that I mistook as food poisoning.  Oh it was food related but more of an overdose of sugar. The event hangs in my memory as the worst physical experience I have ever endured.  I thought I was going to faint in the bathroom that night and almost wished for death as I had no idea what was happening.  I wasn't quite to that point but realized I was showing similar signs.  I checked my blood sugar and it was through the roof!  It is a little too early to share the number but it definitely woke my sensibilities that this wasn't child's play and it was time to take claim of my health once more.  I was able to keep calm because of previous experience and the insight to realize.  This is the moment where decisions count and a life can change.  Oh my HealthFULL Journey has had its mountains and valleys, but it is time to take comfort in finally feeling the confidence to strike out a path.  Sure I'll stumble,  may even lose my footing, but I won't let go of my determination to finish and my sight to forge ahead. 

May your HealthFULL Journey be filled with opportunities to see your path and the peace to not only survive your stumbles but thrive like a rose through them. 'Til we meet again. . .

Mutiny within the household

Oh it is time to change some things up in this household.  I must remind myself how much I love my pets.  Because between the pets and my son - my life has been crazy!!!  Mutiny was declared three days ago.  I believe the cat started the charge (my dog and cat are real life examples of Garfield and Odie) and pressured the puppy to do his bidding.  And the baby is starting to observe more and followed their lead.  Three mornings ago, I had a rough time sleeping which I believe is when I wrote the blog Buried Alive.  I then crawled into bed knowing I had exactly five hours to sleep which is perfect for me.  I can function and still be halfway pleasant.  Oh but the forces of the animal kingdom and the angelic lil' boy had decided to put their plan into effect.  As I crawl quietly into my sheets and trying so hard to not to disturb my amazing hubby (who really LOVES sleep) I gently lower my head unto my pillow and just about to sigh the sigh of sleep descending onto my body.  Yelps begin to crescendo quickly and loudly from the foot of the bed.  It was my dog catching her toe nail in her collar.  This has happened a total of five times in her two and half years with us but is an unmistakable sound.  I am in the beginnings of a sleep haze trying to figure out how to react.  I first reach for her but then realize I can't see her (sleep fog, she's black and it's dark).  It will be hard to disengage her without hurting her or myself.  So I fling the bedside lamp on and fling myself back to the foot of the bed where it appears she has disengaged herself.  I can't imagine but this little interaction between the dog and me woke my hubby.  Crazy!  So I flung back to turn off the light (after double-checking my puppy, readjusting her collar, whisper soothing words) and scoot myself under the covers to try to appear as I have no idea why my husband has awoken with a start.  Guess what?  I am fully wide eyed awake.  So not good, we are now under the five hour window.  No problem, just de-stress. Breathe in, breathe out and don't focus on the ticking minutes.  I finally fall asleep in about a half hour window.  No problem I can make this work.  Three hours and twenty-five minutes later I am awoken to a puppy whine.  Someone appears to be hungry and/or half to go outside.  I imagine hunger and pretend to not hear the whine.  This may sound cruel but keep reading.  Two minutes later the whining is no longer outside my bedroom but two feet from my face.  I squeeze my eyes tighter.  The dog then begins to lick my foot (mind you my hubby sleeps closer to the door and he is not being disturbed).  Okay you win dog.  I let her out, feed treats to the cat, and then feed the dog.  I am exhausted and can still catch an hour to sleep if I go back to bed this instant.  I quickly return to bed, scoot under the covers, one flip to the side, bring on the dreams.  And the monitor begins to crackle with baby grunts, next baby sighs, then unto baby babbles.  My head is echoing protests of NOOOOoooooooo!  The baby 99% of the time always sleeps one hour later.  Please not this morning.  And then the alarm of the baby scream of one hungry lil' guy.  Mercy I give! No sleep for this mama.  I charge to his room and begin his morning routine including bottle.  I have about twenty minutes I could return to bed.  But my hubby awakens as the dog felt both of us should be awake (though he did get the wake up call an hour after mine). I put the baby down and crawl back into bed for the full ten minutes to chat with hubby.  I then get ready for work and my voice mail goes off.  Guess what I don't have to come into work until two and half hours later, good thing my dog woke me up and hour and fifteen minutes early so that I can be two and half hours late.  Seriously! (I did go back to bed for that missing hour and I was a much happier person after my nap/sleep).  Next morning it can't be this crazy right?  Oh this time the cat decides to take matters into his own paws.  I woke up two and half hours early.  Why?  you may ask because my cat literally pounced on my bladder.  Now you might think this wasn't on purpose (but that means A. you don't know my cat and B. he was standing beside me like he was about to give me CPR except was pushing on my bladder).  Thanks Smokey!  Of course I would like to get up at this time to give you your treats.  I was only sleeping, what a brilliant idea to get up one-hundred and fifty minutes early so you can have your treats.  I took care of the animals and once again returned to bed after gaining my pets permission.  And then this morning (Saturday) I was literally pushed out of my bed at four a.m. by the dog.  I woke up gripping the side of the bed and my dog rolled over and literally pushed my legs unto the floor. 

This is my proof that mutiny was declared (I am a little nervous of what will happen in my sleep tonight).  Most of us are familiar with the saying that pets and babies pick up our moods.  My family appears unsettled and tense which means I got to get my act together or the furry creatures and the seven month old are going to take control of the house.  (Let's be honest they have always ruled the roost, the difference is now they know they rule the roost!)  It's time to dig deep and figure out how to gain my footing.  And if I can't figure it out I got to fake the confidence to make it work around here.  Things don't have to run perfectly but it is time to get things ship shape before the mutiny sinks us all.

May your HealthFULL Journey strengthen your relationships and make you all better versions of yourself. 'Til we meet again. . . .

Buried Alive

I have admitted my heartfelt devotion to the series "Friends" and remember an episode where Phoebe says this is what she wanted her tombstone to read "Buried Alive".  Made me laugh and now it makes me think twice. 


I've let myself become buried alive.  It starts slow but quickly gathers until you don't even realize you aren't really living because you've been buried alive.  I have buried myself under my excessive weight, my obsessive worrying, my demanding task lists, my unrealistic expectations, and my clutter (emotional and material nonsense).  I've lost some amazing qualities because of all the junk.  I haven't posted because I am allowing the garbage to once again wash in like the tides and break down all my hard work.  I am desperately looking for a guide, a sign, a map, a path, something, anything to move me away from this quicksand burial.  At least I say this, kind of believe it, and so desperately want to believe this.  But I think in a subconscious way I like the clutter.  I can't find you, you can't find me.  I have a million excuses at my disposal (a lot has happened in the last three weeks, for instance a leaky roof).  I bought myself a little present a couple of weeks ago, a bracelet with a reminder of the scripture Jeremiah 29:11 which reads "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

In all my clutter I lost a lot of things and perhaps the worst is I have lost my hope.  And it appears my replacements have been despair, fear, and anger.  What horrible things to grab from the top of my piles and what is even more upsetting is that those replacements are covering, hope and joy and patience and so many other beautiful treasures.  I'm hurting but am having trouble getting my ducks all in a row.  I truly believe if I could focus just a little bit to clear out some of this clutter I can find a good path.  And I need to stop obsessing about the perfect path to enjoy my perfect moments.  I have too many blessings to allow any more burials.  So I need to begin to dig through the clutter.  If you have a moment I wouldn't mind an extra hand, (a prayer, a helping hand, a pat on the back) and together maybe we kind find some hope.

May your HealthFULL Journey help you to Fully Understand Life by Living and that you aren't suffocated by clutter but surrounded by Blessings and Hope.  -Jeremiah 29:11- 'Til we meet again. . . 

Sniffles

I have not exercised for two days in a row.  I have only missed a total of four days (including these last two) since recommiting to the journey in the middle of March.  I am allowing myself this break due to a stupid cold.  Yes the cold is stupid.  I figured my movement will have to count for the dragging of feet as I transfer myself from recliner to couch to bed.  And I certainly am huffing and puffing as I can only breathe through my mouth (have I said stupid cold!).  How easy it is to take simple pleasures for granted (like breathing through the nose).  In one of my pity moments.  I decided to steal my hubby's soda as the only thing I kept up one hundred percent from my real food experience was not to purchase soda for myself (which is not a moment too soon as 12 packs are over seven dollars in a few grocery stores - that is ridiculous!!!).  I tend to drink diet sodas and though not many calories but then that is just chemicals that I don't particularly need.  And in my pity party I justified the need for flavor.  So I grabbed a can and gulped.  I gulped one hundred forty calories and did not taste a single flavor.  why?  Because of my stupid cold!  How I reach for easy comforts.  And as I have tried to change they no longer offer their familiarity, nor their ease, nor their pleasure.  They no longer are my comforts.  I am changing and my needs and wants should too.  So in this down time from exercise I need to reboot my system and figure out what can be my new comforts, wants, and needs.  If I want to change than everything either changes with me, comes along for the ride, or needs to be forgotten.  It reminds me of a great quote I received many years ago.  I believe the writer is anonymous.

I can't find the quote anywhere.  It was something like:

One must not fear change for it was why one left home to change the world

In other words.  I can't look to change my life and then be shocked that it has changed.

May your healthfull Journey be full of excitement, transformation, and growth.  'Til we meet again. . .

Eating my Words

Do you have a voice?  Do you use it?  I don't always use mine.  Sometimes in my more patient moments I wait more than my turn.  I have had many vehicles honk at me during rush hour as I let other drivers in my/our lane.  I have lost several opportunities at extra treats, momentarily rewards, and "roles" to let others have a chance.  I want to step back so others can step forward.  I try to wait a couple of seconds before I volunteer even when the job is not so glamorous.  I have joked with a few people I make a great vice president or assistant manager.  I don't shy away from responsibility but I don't need the shower of accolades.  Or at least I tell myself this.  Because we all appreciate a pat on the back, recognition for a job well done, or a thank you verbally or sometimes even more touching with a glistening look and a nod of the head. 

I've realized I hate to cause others discomfort and I love to soothe other's aches/agony.  I tell myself this brings pleasure as I tend to feel deep empathy.  By bringing another comfort, I am actually making myself feel better.  Maybe it is the golden rule -  what I do is what I hope someone else will mimic to my benefit.  Maybe I am more selfish than I admit.  Maybe I am too scared to take the extra bit because I can't bear to hear other's disappointments/ critiques.  Whatever the reason is that I have gained a lot of my weight because I don't share my concerns, hurts, worries, disappointments, greed, excitement, anger, desires, and blah blah blah.  Pretty much whatever I voice I filter.  Which is why I try to blog everyday so that I don't have time to edit my choices.  So that I can hit those issues that sit on my nerves. 

I need to speak up so I stop stuffing my face.  So I need to stop swallowing my guilt, my hopes, my hurts, my everything.  I need to reduce the filter, risk exposure by dropping my armor, and speak up.  I can't eat through another bag of potato chips to munch away my frustration.  I can't continue to let pasta soothe my anxieties.  I can't let my reward for all good work be sweets (especially ice cream).  or the raiding of the pantries to overcome boredom. Oh this goal won't happen overnight (this blog alone makes me want to grab some cookies and cheese slices).  But I am aware and need to refocus.  I need better habits to replace these bad and long - lasting routines.  I need to voice my concerns, seek rewards that don't include stuffing my mouth, and realize that I don't have to play second fiddle so someone else can play first. 

May your HealthFULL Journey help you find your voice and a sense of tranquilty in those emotional moments.  'Til we meet again. . .

New work-outs

I like the dvd approach for my daily work - outs.  It is like hiring a private teacher for free (since I pick up my dvds from the public library) for a perfect amount of time of one week.  Then I switch out my two dvds for two new choices.  It gives me something to anticipate.  Something to play with in my mind.  And by learning something new I have to get out of my head for thirty minutes.  I am not agonizing over my to do list, or my rants, or my memories.  I am really in the moment as I try to mimic the instructor's moves.  The other advantage is that it challenges me.  If I was to bum around the house and dance my way through some tunes I find myself quickly repeating the same steps over and over.  By forcing myself to follow the leader I let go of my inhibitions.  Oh I don't want to stretch that way because I feel it.  Its good to feel it.  It means muscles are waking up that have been ignored for too long.  It is fun to start to see some simple changes: for instance my balance on one leg is much stronger, a little more flexibility, and lowering my anxiety.  That''s right, sometimes I want to pull back into my shell and say oh that move is too hard.  I could never do that.  Yeah if I never try than I absolutely will never be able to accomplish it.  And sometimes I can't figure out a particular rhythm or the move just right, but I am successful either way.  Either I will improve my coordination and strength or I learn to "fail".  I learn how important it is to attempt, to try.  And if at the end I couldn't succeed I have a new goal.  Honestly, if i still can't do the move, my attempts are still burning a lot more calories than if I veg out on the couch and flip on the tv.  I also have started to DVR some early morning routines.  I attempted a shimmy class (early belly dancing) and some brazilian sizzle. 

May your HealthFULL journey be enticing, energizing, educating, and encouraging. "Til we meet again. . .

Throwing your hands up like you just don't care!

Ahh the relief of surrender.  It is addicting.  I stress, I wring my hands, my shoulders turn into boulders as the stress locks my upper back, I scream, I cry, I pout, I sulk, Headaches abound, I fret, I chew my nails, I scratch, I whimper, I hysterically laugh, I giggle, I chew gum, and these are just some of the side effects as I try to "perfect" my life and those I consider close.  Half the time, these "stress" activities have no true merit.  They don't make my life any more perfect nor do they usually improve my friends or family's and yet I stress.  Because sometimes, all the fretting, all the effort bring a smile to one's face.  And those unfiltered, grateful, awed looks of true unabashed bliss make all the "stressing" worthwhile.  But after I do these rounds for months, weeks, days, hours (depending on the occasions) I have to just surrender to the moment.  Throw your arms up like you just don't care:  Wave 'em, sing praises to God or plead your guilt, give up, shrug shoulders in the classic "whatever" moment, but just let go of that insanity.  It is good to care, horrible to obsess.  I tend to skip attentive and hit the extreme button for that manic approach.  In the relief moments.  I have time to smell the flowers and count my blessings.  In the crazy ramped up stress pace I can utter only my complaints and whines.  Which version brings more smiles?  Not the perfect, frenetic stressed obsessive personality. (Shocking right?)  But the low key version who has time to play "I'm a little teapot" for twenty minutes and then just giggle with my six month old.  The wife who shrugs and says Pizza sounds divine.  Guests coming over and not running around to mop, vacuum, sweep but chilling to open the door with a true smile and not the gritted deer in headlights look.  There is a lot to say about the more relaxed version.  But watch out for the addiction.  Because it is one thing to take a day off of no blogging, a celebratory meal, or a day of rest from "extra movement".  But a whole 'nother thing when one lets these activities snowball and avalanche. Where it becomes several days of no blogging, a week or two of just eating to fulfill the cravings, and skipping a workout.  That stops being restful/relaxed but a full blown quitter.  Quitting can happen without one even realizing that they shed different parts of their interests.  Like you are traveling with a suitcase bursting at the seams.  But if you have to carry this suitcase every hour of every day - you slowly lighten your load.  Perhaps you share the items at first but then you slowly like the freedom of a lighter suitcase and start throwing items and perhaps just leave the suitcase behind because its empty.  But then you realize a few days later.  You have nothing left for yourself or anything to share.  Because in the excitement to let go of some of your burdens you ran away from everything. 

So the moral of this story is rest but don't give up.  So wave your arms like you don't care but when the song ends get back to work :)

May your Healthfull Journey lead you to a path of blessings including rest and the gift of making someone else's day. It might just be your biggest blessing. 'Til we meet again. . .

Suck it Up, ButterCup

That used to be one of my favorite expressions.  Suck it up Buttercup.  I need to hear these words today.  I have been just been a snapping turtle once again, both verbally and snapping my lips on any snacks I can grab.  I am stress eating.  I have been in the heart of finals freaking out about a paper.  And then the summer freedom.  Oh how I have heard its beckoning call.  I have felt very ..... worthless.  Struggling trying to complete everything and some days just something and other days , to complete anything.  Maybe worthless is the wrong word choice.  A better choice would be not enough.  I feel like I am coming up short as a mom because I have to shirk parent detail to write a paper or take a test.  Trust me cuddling or playing on the floor would be way more fun and much more my choice.  And though I sometimes make this choice because I am human and its the one role I just don't have the heart to muck up one can only write their professors and say life is overwhelming so often.  And then I try to give my son my undivided attention but then I am not being the good wife listening to my husband's stories nor making dinner.  The housework is a sprint I will never catch up it feels.  You've already heard that school certainly hasn't been the priority.  Just running out of hours of the day.  So I am excited to start tis summer with joy when I come home from work as the last paper is done and turned in.  Before finishing I wanted that tranquil feeling of accomplishing tasks that were taking up space in my brain.  So I folded the clothes in the dryer and started unloading the dishwasher.  Everything looked not sparkly.  When all of a sudden I realized that was because the dishwasher was full but hadn't run.  I was ready to spazz (maybe one would actually say I was spazzing).  Which means I had to reload the dishwasher and couldn't start it because the baby's clothes were running through the laundry. This is when I needed the pick me up pointer to suck it up buttercup.  I was freaking out about the littlest thing.  LIfe had gone awry and I wasn't strong enough to deal.  This is when i turn to food and I did.  I was angry, I was frustrated, I was annoyed, I felt sorry for myself that no one knew the troubles I had endured.  I tend to lean towards the dramatic tendency.  I was upset because I had unloaded the dishwasher and then reloaded it.  Was that event really sabotage on my life.  Not really.  But my martyr tendencies built up the facts and blew it out of proportion.  I should have been counting my blessings.  The fact that I have a dishwasher.The fact that I have dishes.  That I had a little boy who smiled through the whole ordeal (he saw the hysterics about the event unlike his mommy) and a hubby who tried to get me to laugh it off.  I blamed the stress of my paper.  But the truth is I was frustrated and I took it inward that affects my outward.  And I swaddled myself in the pity blanket.  So there are times in my life I need to focus and suck it up Buttercup.

May your heathfull journey highlight the true ways and remind you to count your blessings - size doesn't matter!

Grow Baby Grow

What a special day today. And I indulged!!! I loved every minute as my hubby and son made my first official mother's day perfect.  My baby boy and I played and played and played some more.  We enjoyed a family picnic and a little drive through downtown.  and then hit some of my favorite stores.  However I had to squeeze in a work-out late tonight as I had planned to hit the streets with my baby.  I get excited for my son to be "older" and forget how "baby" he still is.  As we were eating our picnic I wanted to share with him but he isn't quite at the eating adult food.  He isn't even passed the bottle stage yet.  I had this day dream fantasy that we would picnic on the grass as he played with/ and in nature.  But he isn't standing or sitting on his own yet.  He still gets overstimulated.  And he isn't a lover of the outside yet or maybe he is and just falls asleep because he is so relaxed.  Please don't think of this as complaining.  My lil' one is perfect and I loved today.  I am just so excited to see how he'll grow.  Will he love sports like his daddy? Will he be theatrical like mommmy?  He is my muse and as he grows more active I hope that will transpire to mommy. 

I feel the blessing of being more active.  I can feel my body able to attempt different movements.  My stamina is building and yet my dream of a picture with my little boy.  I still have lots of work today.  Yes I treated myself today with some of my favorite treats and luxuries.  Life deserves those little pick me ups.  Now I just need to not get caught in the trap.  I deserve this treat because it's monday afternoon.  I deserve dessert three times a day.  I deserve to veg out and finish this bag of chips for the fourth time this week.  The occasional treat absolutely allowed and even encouraged.  It's the onslaught of treats I need to avoid.  Because when I look at a picture I don't want to be shallow and grimace.  I want to see the beautiful little boy who fills my heart with such gratitude.  Baby steps will be what leads us both to success.

So Grow Baby Grow but at your pace.  And mommy will try to keep up.

May your Healthfull journey reflect life's blessings to you.  'Til we meet again. . .

Silence

Haven't we all heard the expression "You know you're comfortable with someone when you can sit in silence?" I can marvel at my son for hours in silence, pet my animals, relax with my hubby, and yet if it is just me. I can't handle the silence. I need to flip on the tv, grab a book; not even in the car can I handle going without the radio or my cell phone. Does that mean I am not comfortable just being me. And honestly the answer is no. I am a stew. I simmer with my emotions - all of them. Sadness, anger, joy and I just let them build and build until I boil over. It's the extremist in me. My poor hubby honestly lives in a musical or a soap opera depending on my mood.



This thought came over me as my son napped this Saturday afternoon. He doesn't tend to nap that long, so once he goes down my sprint begins. I had lunch, two loads of laundry, both bathrooms clean, the floors swept, and now I sit. I am beside myself what to do. He might be sleeping hard because we had a mommy and baby work out. My second DVD for the week was Dance Baby Dance. It wasn't quite the bonding time I had hoped as my son was looking everywhere but mommy for the most part. But I did get to lead and we had lots of snuggle time and who wouldn't love that. After our dance session we did some floor play time. Then a bottle and then nap time.


This HealthFULL Journey has brought a lot of exciting adventures my way, discovering different movements to pursue, different ways to eat and different items to taste, and now it appears the next chapter may be the emotions so that one day I can move or to just be still and quiet.


May your HealthFULL Journey bring you some moments of peace and quiet. 'Til we meet again. . .

"Real"ly finished

Wow ten days are signed, sealed, and delivered.  There were moments I thought this ten day challenge of real food was going to break me (standing overwhelmed in the supermarket after reading label after label, no morning soda, and my go to snacks had but vanished).  I'll do this challenge again as I keep trying to modify my real life on this real food challenge.  It was a huge eye opener.  I don't need three snacks a day, I don't have to have a dessert to fall asleep, and no chips, soda, or ice cream is okay.  I became acutely aware of the difference between overstuffed and full, and felt actual hunger.  That to eat real food takes some prep time and requires actual cooking.  But this is not  a bad thing.  The food tastes better (and looks better).  Also it helps discourage those heapings of calories that come from mindless eating.  If you have to cook and do the dishes to have an extra snack, it cuts down those bored munchings.  Also I have become reacquainted with water.  Your body is seventy percent water and it needs to be replenished to filter through the organs and keep everything in the body working properly.  I can feel the difference.  It's like certain parts of my body are waking up and letting me know when things are in balance or out of whack.  I have had a couple more headaches than I've had in the past several years but again I don't think this is horrible.  Its my body saying, "I need more water and more sleep (I'm in the heart of finals which have included several late nights after the lil' one catches his shut eye and mommy can think without interruption.) and also I believe it is my body's way of saying good bye to the build up of toxins.

Overall this challenge of real food helped in ways that I could have only hoped.  It made me more aware of my choices, reminded me some tricks to keep my choices on the healthier side, and inspired me to cook more.  Which is a plus in my book as well as my hubby's. 

New DVD from the library finally.  I enjoyed Hula so much that I found a DVD from the same instructor and fumbled my way through  "Tahitian Hip Hop".  Ummm, my hips don't lie, because they don't shimmy.  But I am trying to reacquaint myself with my hips that are in their own way shaking the answer "NO!"  I think part of the benefit of picking out new exercises to follow it keeps things interesting but also keeps me involved.  I pay attention because I don't know what is coming next.  One minute I am thinking will I make it to the end and the next minute it is cool-down and I am another movement checked off the to do list.  This Tahitian Hip Hop was a lot more challenging than the Hula.  What I feel in my movements doesn't feel close to what I see the girls on the DVD leading.  But the good thing is an attempt in exercise still burns calories. So I continue to attempt, fumble, and dance my way to cheery success in saying good-bye to the excess.  I FULLy am on board this HealthFULL Journey and am Fully Understanding Life by Living.  It feels good to be part of the living once again.

May your Healthfull Journey engage you, surprise you, and soothe your weary spirit. "Til we meet again. . .