That used to be one of my favorite expressions. Suck it up Buttercup. I need to hear these words today. I have been just been a snapping turtle once again, both verbally and snapping my lips on any snacks I can grab. I am stress eating. I have been in the heart of finals freaking out about a paper. And then the summer freedom. Oh how I have heard its beckoning call. I have felt very ..... worthless. Struggling trying to complete everything and some days just something and other days , to complete anything. Maybe worthless is the wrong word choice. A better choice would be not enough. I feel like I am coming up short as a mom because I have to shirk parent detail to write a paper or take a test. Trust me cuddling or playing on the floor would be way more fun and much more my choice. And though I sometimes make this choice because I am human and its the one role I just don't have the heart to muck up one can only write their professors and say life is overwhelming so often. And then I try to give my son my undivided attention but then I am not being the good wife listening to my husband's stories nor making dinner. The housework is a sprint I will never catch up it feels. You've already heard that school certainly hasn't been the priority. Just running out of hours of the day. So I am excited to start tis summer with joy when I come home from work as the last paper is done and turned in. Before finishing I wanted that tranquil feeling of accomplishing tasks that were taking up space in my brain. So I folded the clothes in the dryer and started unloading the dishwasher. Everything looked not sparkly. When all of a sudden I realized that was because the dishwasher was full but hadn't run. I was ready to spazz (maybe one would actually say I was spazzing). Which means I had to reload the dishwasher and couldn't start it because the baby's clothes were running through the laundry. This is when I needed the pick me up pointer to suck it up buttercup. I was freaking out about the littlest thing. LIfe had gone awry and I wasn't strong enough to deal. This is when i turn to food and I did. I was angry, I was frustrated, I was annoyed, I felt sorry for myself that no one knew the troubles I had endured. I tend to lean towards the dramatic tendency. I was upset because I had unloaded the dishwasher and then reloaded it. Was that event really sabotage on my life. Not really. But my martyr tendencies built up the facts and blew it out of proportion. I should have been counting my blessings. The fact that I have a dishwasher.The fact that I have dishes. That I had a little boy who smiled through the whole ordeal (he saw the hysterics about the event unlike his mommy) and a hubby who tried to get me to laugh it off. I blamed the stress of my paper. But the truth is I was frustrated and I took it inward that affects my outward. And I swaddled myself in the pity blanket. So there are times in my life I need to focus and suck it up Buttercup.
May your heathfull journey highlight the true ways and remind you to count your blessings - size doesn't matter!
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