Mrs. Mommy

My hubby Corey and I joke a lot - his sense of humor and mine just meld so we laugh and joke together a lot.  Well in one of our jokefests he started to call me Mrs. Mommy.  Which I giggled alongside him.  But the nickname has stuck in my head as quite a poignant remark.  Very rarely do I still feel Suzy for more than ten minutes at a time.  Most of the time I feel like a Mrs. or Mommy and very often a Mrs. Mommy.  As you read this it is important to know this - I count the reasons behind both of these titles my biggest blessings here on Earth.  BUT...if I am to be completely honest wasn't my dream titles (I am so proud to be both today just not what I envisions years ago).  Hear me out though. . .

Titles are funny things.  We crave them.  We work for them. We like to give them.  We as humans love labels.  They give us pecking orders. They give us futures to desire.  They give us people to dislike or at least labels to pin the blame so we don't have to face that emotion factor.  We tend to wear our titles for reasons of pride, classification, clarification, honor, and a million other reasons.  It wasn't that I didn't want to be a wife nor a mom.  I figured someday in my distant thirties I would most likely have a husband.  And perhaps a child.  But I really didn't "crave" either.  There were three titles I have shared my desire for since I was young (when thirty seemed a distant future and not a recent memory).  I wanted to Aunt Suzy (I have a theory that most people have an Uncle Bob or an Aunt Suzy - there was not extensive research and this was discovered from a small sample pool.  But most people I know have an Uncle Bob or an Aunt Suzy).  I enjoy kids.  I think they are funny, nothing makes me feel more loved than cuddling with a youngster especially singing songs together or reading and find it fascinating to join forces with their creative minds.  But I also enjoyed giving them back to their parents at the end of the day.  This sounded like a great start to following my call of being an Aunt.  (This dream did come true and I love my nieces and nephews - they are fabulous, precious, smart, creative, funny, sweet, kind, and beautiful.  I am so grateful God answered my prayers on that front!)  Another title I wanted to be was a Countess, an Italian Countess ( I <3 Italy!). I was serious about this career/lifestyle choice.  For years I hired my perfect entourage - I had court jesters, I had garbage collectors, ladies in waiting, chefs, event planner, preacher - pretty much everyone but the actual Italian Count. When I was in eighth grade we had to do research for our future career.  The guy who sat in front of me asked what I planned to be when I was a grown-up.  I said I already know but the research will be hard.  He asked me what I wanted to be.  Straight answer " A countess".  His reply "Is that like a female accountant?"  And I looked at him strangely (I now as adult realize that probably should play out the other way), but in the brief exchange I realized two things.  One) I simply had not shared my future intentions with enough people if this guy had no clue what I was talking about and Two) that not everyone saw this title as an average realistic option.   So I ended up researching my third dream title for this eighth grade research project - a Broadway stage actor.  I still haven't been to Italy (probably the best place to find an Italian Count - but I think my Louisiana Prince might get jealous :)  But I did go to school for Theatre as my major which became my minor the second time around.  I didn't make it to Broadway to perform but have performed (for money) in 5/50 states (MN, ND, MT, AK, and CA) and Canada.  So we'll call that a 1/2 title realized - 50%.  Not bad.

So you see I had what I thought were big dreams - big Suzy dreams.  But I fell in love at nineteen - not puppy love that starts off amazing and fizzles usually just as dramatic.  But to the core fell in head over heels full hearted completely committed true love.  I got married at twenty-two and became a Mrs. . .  in North Dakota.  I wouldn't change it for the world.  However, my thirteen year old version of myself saw a completely different picture - Italy was involved (which the full fantasy was to turn one of our Italian castles into an impressive internation theatre school), and my title wasn't Mrs. it would be Countess.  

And the mommy factor.  Whew!  Not that I was against having children.  It was always a future dream.  We even dreamt in our early thirties we would like to have kids.  Thats a great talk when you are twenty-four and married to a great partner.  When you're thirty and pregnant, that dream talk a little too real.  Which sounds after writing that line like we completely planned when we were having children - completely a God thing that shocked us out of the blue.  I have had a lot of friends who have had a variety of female issues and conception is difficult if not impossible (but a few of those impossibles have been PLEASANTLY BLESSED! Praise God!)  So, knowing this I figured God didn't burden my heart with desire because I honestly thought between my weight and other factors that I probably couldn't conceive at least without medical assistance.  I was terrified of the responsibility of being a mom.  As an aunt I figured I could only do minimal damage of anyone's psyche that could be repaired by their parents, selves, and God.  But complete responsibility for another human being I found that frightening to a degree I can' even verbalize.  My esteem like most areas of my life go extreme - I can do anything (like be an Italian Countess) or nothing right (which I kind of placed Mommyhood in that category for me). 

I love my son.  God granted (and my hubby helped) answer the deepest desire of my heart that I couldn't even vocalize.  I wept for days when I took my first pregnancy test (while pregnant) and it showed a negative.  I then hyperventilated when I took one three weeks later and there was a plus sign where I tried to tell my husband between hysterical tears that turned into hysterical laughter the news. In my defense, I had taken at least forty pregnancy tests in my lifetime and not once had there been a plus. Its a little surreal.  Then to really throw me off my A-game, my son was eleven weeks early.  If you know me I tend to run ten minutes late to everything and am a procrastinator to the hilt.  And my son arrives not just early - but super early!!! 

If I was to describe Suzy.  I would say she's funny, fun, playful, creative, and a bit loud.  But those words for Mrs. Mommy seem to be inappropriate.  So sometimes, I feel lost; because of this ideal image I have for Mrs. Mommy.  A woman who cares for her guys and takes care of them - perfectly.  I forget the title may change what some people call me, but not who I am.  I still am Suzy who just happens to be married to a great guy and the happiest little boy (seriously this kid giggles and smiles - ALL the time).  I try to be organized and early as Mrs. Mommy.  I try to cook, clean, and still look "relaxed".  But as I try to be Mrs. Mommy I lose a little bit of Suzy who is the one who received those titles. 

So what's in a name?  Appearance, effort, but it doesn't change the person - at least its not supposed to. So here I write as Suzy who also happens to be Mrs. Mommy.

May you earn the titles life bestows you, but never forget the person you were when you received them. 'Til we meet again. . .              

Under Construction!!!

Oh don't you just cringe at the sign "Detour Ahead"?   Blech!  And we all have our gripes about road construction.  But usually we all want the end results.  Yes we want the wider interstates so there will be less traffic jams and hopefully LESS car accidents.  But we hate the inconvenience.  I want the awesome results just don't mess up my daily routine to get them, right? 

Well as I tend to call this my healthFULL journey I am learning that I want the end results but that means I have to put in the extra work of adding detours and mapping out my new blueprints.  You don't go from 300+ pounds and in two weeks at optimum health looking great in a bikini.  (Although there are a lot of diet pills, scams, and books that want you to believe ANYTHING is possible ;)  But if I want the end result to be better for the future that means some uncomfortable detours now. 

First I have to listen to my body of today.  Yes I want my future lifestyle to include healthy eating and exercise to be my daily fun not my daily chore.  Its getting there, somedays I feel I am there at the end of the construction project and other days I look in the mirror and say "DANGER AHEAD!" . So first I have to eat for this body of today.  Not the one I had two years ago and need to let go of those comfort foods of past (pop/soda, chips, and sweet pastries) and I look forward to craving my daily needs of beans, greens, and little meat.  But not quite there.  Too much health food might have me running back towards the comforts of the past :)  I ate chinese two nights in a row.  Oh many of you know how I crave those sweet sauces, and fried tastiness.  How does this fit into my new blueprint.  One night we ordered in and one night we cooked it ourselves.  Our version twenty times tastier than the delivery version.  I don't know how fresh the restaurant's food is but I know exactly the freshness and what ingredients we cooked with. 

I want to get more active and I wish I could say that my family never overlooks the beauty of a beautiful day.  Today was a gorgeous day for a family walk.  We however ended up taking a family nap.  Which also can be healthy.  Obviously, we all needed a bit of extra sleep.  This is something we should either adjust at night or that we all do have a tish of a bug.  I am getting over a cold and my sweet darling son decided to puke on me three times in a row (there is nothing worse than sour milk).  It actually was this last incident that made me think of the detours we need to take for the betterment of our later journey.  His second bath for the night and my evening shower weren't necessarily on our agenda but when a detour pops up sometimes we don't have a choice but to follow. 

It would have been easy to say after the low key day and not feeling a hundred percent to say oh phooey to the exercise portion.  But after two suppers of Chinese food back to back - my body kind of begged for a little health stop.  So I checked my pedometer at 11 pm and still had about 1500 steps to equal at least my regular daily goal of 7000+ steps.  This had me exercise for my body of today and not for the ideal road conditions of the future or the abandonment of the past.  I didn't grab shoes, or a sweat towel and honestly just stayed in pjs and began to pace my house.  With a steady non-quick pace in twenty minutes I was able to check on my son, switch over laundry from the "sick" incident, straighten a couple of things in the kitchen, and manage to walk my 1500 steps to complete my daily goal.  Yes, I could have easily finished those couple of things in less than two hundred steps and call it a night.  But if I want different results I need to approach things differently so in my mind it was time for a detour. 

It isn't easy to change old patterns of comfort into healthy routines but with a few detours and adjustments along the way; I have the utmost confidence we can all maximize our HealthFULL Journeys.

May your path conditions improve with the help of detours that encourage hope for a better life. 'Til we meet again. . .