Are you who you think you are? Cliches and general statements claim no one knows you better than you know yourself. But that isn't true for everyone. And sometimes I wonder if that sentiment is true for anyone. We aren't aware of other's perceptions and rarely are we as transparent as we think. We get in silly arguments that blow into full wage wars because we believe those closest to us should know what we meant or what we thought when really none of our actions have fully disclosed our needs or our wants. Or worse our words and our actions told different stories.
Do you ask for something but mean something completely different? Perhaps you ask children to do more around the house. They do more around the house but you are frustrated because you had specific chores in mind they didn't touch. Maybe you ask your significant other for more loving touches but you tend to shrug off their advances. You ask work for more responsibility - you meant promotion they give you grunt work. We tend to ask in generalities but desire specifics. Either we don't know what we want or we don't know how to ask for what we want. Either way we could improve our position by knowing who we are.
We tend to not know our own strengths or weaknesses; at least all of them. We tend to quit because we are scared of the end - we fear pain, hurt, success, failure, sometimes we just fear "the end". So we quit, we drop out, we grasp for excuses to share and crave rationalizations that comfort us why we couldn't possibly go all the way. Oh I could do never do a marathon. Whew I get worn out walking in my living room. What? I couldn't speak in front of hundreds of people - I get tongue tied in front of a small group of five people I know. I couldn't draw to save my life. I could never be a parent - too much responsibility. Its fine if you choose not to do something because it is not a desire of yours. But don't be scared to challenge the warrior, the mother, the athlete, the poet, the champion in your heart. They are dying to strut their stuff. Because when push comes to shove you could complete that marathon; perhaps it is in honor of a charity who is sponsoring your best friend. You could speak in front of a thousand people because you are sharing the gospel of Jesus. Maybe you become an artist because you sketched your baby's first nap. Its amazing what we can do because the stakes change and become personal. Possibly we know that greatness is as close as our fingertips and that we are only a step away from knowing ourselves and that is why we tend to push people away. Its becoming quite a habit in today's world.
Do you like compliments? You might say you do, but it seems the truer the compliment the quicker we are to deflect it. Someone compliments you for your speech; we may reply its an important topic. Someone compliments your cooking perhaps you share the accolades with a spouse - something along the lines of "my husband is the true chef I am just the assistant. Someone compliments your intelligence or beauty and we pass on the praises to our sibling - oh you haven't met my brother/sister they are the smart/beautiful one. Here our compliments to our face and we still don't accept our strengths or talents at face value. And our weaknesses are just as hard to swallow. Raise your hand if you have ever been completely honest at a job interview or on a dating profile. Name your greatest weakness. We all go for the positive spin. Curvy women you know you mark the voluptuous curves before the bloated jellyfish box. Or for work purposes - I tend to be obsessed with details. Forget to mention that you run tardy by ten minutes every day or that you like to gossip with co-workers. But then maybe you don't realize you have flaws because you didn't really know you have strengths.
I write all this because without knowing yourself : How do you live YOUR life? This HealthFULL Journey is really helping me to pinpoint specific wants, needs, and patterns I possess. And with the help of my handy dandy 12 resolutions for the 12 months of 2012 I am holding a magnifying glass on all aspects of my life. One of the most recent items that spurned this blog. A big grocery shopping trip my husband and I recently shared. The revelation after $450.00 worth of groceries (it was bargain shopping as everything was 50% off so we spent just over $200.00 and our pantries are filled and some of these items went in donation). But after this huge shopping excursion we realized I shop for a non-existent member of our household. This person obviously loves cereal, yogurt, soup, beans, pasta, spices, and nuts. If I go shopping by myself I tend to stray from our list badly. I will ultimately pick up these six items and I honestly can't remember ever in our marriage of us being out of these items. I put these items in our cart as if I am on auto-pilot.
Let's investigate the list shall we: Cereal - I love cereal. The sugary kind, the hot kind, the healthy adult kind. I enjoy cereal. Now ask me how often I eat cereal. Hmmmm....since October I have not had a single bowl. Yup that would be the truth. I sometimes use it as a crunch factor in yogurt or with fruit - we are talking 2 tbsps max at a time and occasionally a 1/2 cup here or there for cooking purposes. My husband never eats it and my son eats one specific kind. But right now we have the total of 3 unopened containers, one opened box (our son's) and two boxes with three different kinds mixed together separately in their own bags. So if you're counting that equals ten different cereals.
Yogurt - oh I love yogurt. I grew up eating yogurt. But since the attacks have increased I have suspicions they may be linked to dairy (which literally is a nightmare for me - both an attack and the loss of dairy). Also I tend to buy many yogurts fully knowing it has a limited life span before the expiration date and I don't try dairy after the expiration date. One bad episode with an expired date and you get a little cautious. But I like variety so I'll pick up ten yogurts thinking I have just under a month. I won't eat them all. I hope I will eat a couple of them before they find their way to the trash. When I want something sweet they usually aren't enough to satisfy the craving or they're too heavy/much sounding when I just need a bite.
Soup - I so rarely eat soup from a can. I'll use broth for a meal every now and then. But I like to have them on hand just in case I get in a cooking frenzy and am in need of four broths. We tend to open a package of broth or stock and then maybe use half and once again find its way to the garbage. We are trying to be more conscious and use items within several meals to cut down waste. But I still way overbuy soups in anticipation to feed our family a full meal for less than $3.00. Good dream but not really our reality all too often.
Beans in my mind equal a healthy diet plus the general public states beans are cheap to buy. So in my cart they go to make my family healthier while maintaining a line of budget. This however means they need to actually be utilized into our meals. And the thought of soaking beans is exhausting. I think like many people I get the impression I have to physically stand over the soaking beans for eight hours or delay our meal for eight hours. But in reality we just need to throw them in a pot of water (no cooking required at this stage) when we go to sleep and throw them in the crock pot in the morning. Or throw them in a bowl of water before we head to work. Ready to cook as soon as we get home. But the step of soaking them exhausts my mind and there the beautiful different color beans sit in my pantry in their lovely bags. I also overbuy canned beans because sometimes the draining them and rinsing them exhausts my mentality as well. Because then I'll convince myself that canned beans aren't as healthy as dried beans and if I don't have the time to soak my beans I don't deserve to sample the tasty beans. Yes people I seriously think in these circles sometimes :)
Pasta is my cruel way of teasing myself. It is one of my five favorite dishes of all time - between comfort, ease, variety, and flavor. I adore pasta; the different shapes, the different grains; the satisfaction of covering the noodles with tons of different toppings. But alas with diabetes pasta is rarely my friend and I tend to scoff at their serving size. But yet I buy it because I always am in doubt if we have enough in our pantry when I really know I shouldn't be eating that much of it so even having one package is plenty.
Spices - I am starting to flex my culinary skills and I don't like when my pantry is missing a recommended ingredient. I get frustrated when I can't try out a new recipe as I am out of or never possessed a certain spice; fully believing the whole recipe hinges on that one particular spice. And those we tend to like but rarely use I like to buy back-ups just in case we are low (as you see two tumeric, two thyme, two pepper blends, two cayennes, and three sets of food coloring). I must fancy myself quite the chef and baker which according to my pantry I am not.
And finally the nuts. I actually eat quite a bit of nuts. Lower in carbs, high in fat - mostly good fate, and an excellent source of protein. These quell my snacking tendencies and cravings. I can purchase sweet varieties and salty and even spicy. Therefore, I panic at the thought of running out. So when we see them in the store the cans literally jump into my cart as I peruse the aisle - just in case.
I admit all this because I finally have my eyes open to some self-awareness. I challenge you to take a true look in the mirror, checkbook, pantry, closet, and/or calendar. Are you who you think you are?
"Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes', and your 'No,' 'No'; . . . " Matthew 5:37
May your HealthFULL Journey be a true reflection of the person you were, the person who you want to be, and most imporantly the person you are. 'Til we meet again. . .
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