Ms. Grumpy Pants

Pin It

Aaaahaaaaaaaaaah! All day I have felt I could scream and really for no apparent reason. I must have put on my grumpy pants today and can't get rid of them. TGIF and nothing! Great news from my hubby! Nada! Bellydanced those blues and they only grew grumpier. It was somewhat cloudy and my mood would make you think it was hailing. I hate these kind of days. Where I don't want to talk to anyone because I fear I will steal their smile. I woke up early and hit the snooze as I had an unrestful sleep. Thankfully the baby also agreed it was a snooze morning. I then woke up as the rest of the household had needs that needed attending - breakfast all around. I enjoyed the cuddle with my son as he was at that perfect temperment in the morning, awake enough to drink the bottle but no protests to returning to the crib. I tried to sneak in my morning work-out and maybe this is where the grumpy pants make their first appearance. I was trying out my second DVD from the library - Bellydancing! I enjoyed Bollywood so much I knew I would love to Bellydance (in the privacy of my own home with the rest of the house asleep :) Ummm...not so much. My belly not quite as trained as the dancers. When they say figure eight I am pretty sure my belly circles like a beach ball and that cool snake like movement well my belly jiggles more than writhes like a snake. In my excitement I had made up a description on the Bellydance DVD. That it was for beginners and would cover the basics. Upon my second re-examination it actually states that it is for Intermediates. So there was no pausing to explain how to pop a knee and how to wiggle instead of jiggle. I tried for eleven and half minutes but I wasn't feeling the sexy that I had pinned my hopes for this DVD. So I still owe myself eight and half minutes. Maybe I felt grumpy because I left something half done. Then off to work where I just was agitated, I was working myself up to a frenzy. I wanted to have a junk food blitz. Total addict behavior but I kept scheming about what I would eat as soon as I left work. Maybe I could leave early, go home and bliss out on total junk. I even relived my fantasty binge to my husband tonight. All day I planned it, trying to hide it from my conscious (you know the angel side that argues with the devilish side). And my temptation side giggled in joy of the thought of gluttony. Anything they asked me to do at work I cringed as it kept my junk food at bay. How dare these people ask me to do my job and work the full day. What nonsense! I was just obsessing about this delicious binge that would quell and calm all the anxiety storms brewing. (Bills, homework due tonight like a paper, feeling like a martyr, blah blah the list continues). And I kept reminding myself that in truth those burgers aren't going to taste that good and the brownies aren't going to quell the storm but hype me up on sugar and make me sick to my stomach. Ahh but Mr. Temptation does not listen to logic/reason/facts, it dismisses them and paints beautiful pictures and ignites the senses to crave more. Begging for the illusions to continue until there is no ifs, ands, or buts, one must just give in. I had three distinct plans of action depending on what time I left work. And do you know what I chose to follow, not a one of them. (I got off work late and didn't have a contingency plan). But that is the food victory. All day I obsessed and fretted over this perfect snack/binge/meal. And resisted. It stunk and it's not a victory as I feel beat up. But I survived, some days are just more challenging. May your HealthFULL Journey help you leave the grumpy pants behind but on those days of anxiousness may you find the Calm that does not come from the Stuffed Belly :) ' Til we meet again. . . (Hopefully without the Grumpy Pants :)