Mrs. Mommy

My hubby Corey and I joke a lot - his sense of humor and mine just meld so we laugh and joke together a lot.  Well in one of our jokefests he started to call me Mrs. Mommy.  Which I giggled alongside him.  But the nickname has stuck in my head as quite a poignant remark.  Very rarely do I still feel Suzy for more than ten minutes at a time.  Most of the time I feel like a Mrs. or Mommy and very often a Mrs. Mommy.  As you read this it is important to know this - I count the reasons behind both of these titles my biggest blessings here on Earth.  BUT...if I am to be completely honest wasn't my dream titles (I am so proud to be both today just not what I envisions years ago).  Hear me out though. . .

Titles are funny things.  We crave them.  We work for them. We like to give them.  We as humans love labels.  They give us pecking orders. They give us futures to desire.  They give us people to dislike or at least labels to pin the blame so we don't have to face that emotion factor.  We tend to wear our titles for reasons of pride, classification, clarification, honor, and a million other reasons.  It wasn't that I didn't want to be a wife nor a mom.  I figured someday in my distant thirties I would most likely have a husband.  And perhaps a child.  But I really didn't "crave" either.  There were three titles I have shared my desire for since I was young (when thirty seemed a distant future and not a recent memory).  I wanted to Aunt Suzy (I have a theory that most people have an Uncle Bob or an Aunt Suzy - there was not extensive research and this was discovered from a small sample pool.  But most people I know have an Uncle Bob or an Aunt Suzy).  I enjoy kids.  I think they are funny, nothing makes me feel more loved than cuddling with a youngster especially singing songs together or reading and find it fascinating to join forces with their creative minds.  But I also enjoyed giving them back to their parents at the end of the day.  This sounded like a great start to following my call of being an Aunt.  (This dream did come true and I love my nieces and nephews - they are fabulous, precious, smart, creative, funny, sweet, kind, and beautiful.  I am so grateful God answered my prayers on that front!)  Another title I wanted to be was a Countess, an Italian Countess ( I <3 Italy!). I was serious about this career/lifestyle choice.  For years I hired my perfect entourage - I had court jesters, I had garbage collectors, ladies in waiting, chefs, event planner, preacher - pretty much everyone but the actual Italian Count. When I was in eighth grade we had to do research for our future career.  The guy who sat in front of me asked what I planned to be when I was a grown-up.  I said I already know but the research will be hard.  He asked me what I wanted to be.  Straight answer " A countess".  His reply "Is that like a female accountant?"  And I looked at him strangely (I now as adult realize that probably should play out the other way), but in the brief exchange I realized two things.  One) I simply had not shared my future intentions with enough people if this guy had no clue what I was talking about and Two) that not everyone saw this title as an average realistic option.   So I ended up researching my third dream title for this eighth grade research project - a Broadway stage actor.  I still haven't been to Italy (probably the best place to find an Italian Count - but I think my Louisiana Prince might get jealous :)  But I did go to school for Theatre as my major which became my minor the second time around.  I didn't make it to Broadway to perform but have performed (for money) in 5/50 states (MN, ND, MT, AK, and CA) and Canada.  So we'll call that a 1/2 title realized - 50%.  Not bad.

So you see I had what I thought were big dreams - big Suzy dreams.  But I fell in love at nineteen - not puppy love that starts off amazing and fizzles usually just as dramatic.  But to the core fell in head over heels full hearted completely committed true love.  I got married at twenty-two and became a Mrs. . .  in North Dakota.  I wouldn't change it for the world.  However, my thirteen year old version of myself saw a completely different picture - Italy was involved (which the full fantasy was to turn one of our Italian castles into an impressive internation theatre school), and my title wasn't Mrs. it would be Countess.  

And the mommy factor.  Whew!  Not that I was against having children.  It was always a future dream.  We even dreamt in our early thirties we would like to have kids.  Thats a great talk when you are twenty-four and married to a great partner.  When you're thirty and pregnant, that dream talk a little too real.  Which sounds after writing that line like we completely planned when we were having children - completely a God thing that shocked us out of the blue.  I have had a lot of friends who have had a variety of female issues and conception is difficult if not impossible (but a few of those impossibles have been PLEASANTLY BLESSED! Praise God!)  So, knowing this I figured God didn't burden my heart with desire because I honestly thought between my weight and other factors that I probably couldn't conceive at least without medical assistance.  I was terrified of the responsibility of being a mom.  As an aunt I figured I could only do minimal damage of anyone's psyche that could be repaired by their parents, selves, and God.  But complete responsibility for another human being I found that frightening to a degree I can' even verbalize.  My esteem like most areas of my life go extreme - I can do anything (like be an Italian Countess) or nothing right (which I kind of placed Mommyhood in that category for me). 

I love my son.  God granted (and my hubby helped) answer the deepest desire of my heart that I couldn't even vocalize.  I wept for days when I took my first pregnancy test (while pregnant) and it showed a negative.  I then hyperventilated when I took one three weeks later and there was a plus sign where I tried to tell my husband between hysterical tears that turned into hysterical laughter the news. In my defense, I had taken at least forty pregnancy tests in my lifetime and not once had there been a plus. Its a little surreal.  Then to really throw me off my A-game, my son was eleven weeks early.  If you know me I tend to run ten minutes late to everything and am a procrastinator to the hilt.  And my son arrives not just early - but super early!!! 

If I was to describe Suzy.  I would say she's funny, fun, playful, creative, and a bit loud.  But those words for Mrs. Mommy seem to be inappropriate.  So sometimes, I feel lost; because of this ideal image I have for Mrs. Mommy.  A woman who cares for her guys and takes care of them - perfectly.  I forget the title may change what some people call me, but not who I am.  I still am Suzy who just happens to be married to a great guy and the happiest little boy (seriously this kid giggles and smiles - ALL the time).  I try to be organized and early as Mrs. Mommy.  I try to cook, clean, and still look "relaxed".  But as I try to be Mrs. Mommy I lose a little bit of Suzy who is the one who received those titles. 

So what's in a name?  Appearance, effort, but it doesn't change the person - at least its not supposed to. So here I write as Suzy who also happens to be Mrs. Mommy.

May you earn the titles life bestows you, but never forget the person you were when you received them. 'Til we meet again. . .              

The Pits

I pack my lunch when I go to work.  There is a pretty standard menu that I follow that takes the stress and thought process out of preparing lunch.  I tend to eat a lot of left overs or re-mix them into a different dish.  But this also helps clean out our fridge and save the budget.  If I don't bring in the left overs they tend to find their own spot in the fridge until they grow their own fur coats.  I know that's disgusting, but has happened (frequently).  Biggest culprit we throw out is produce.  When I buy it I have all these menu plans and ideas and excitement to cook.  We'll say shopping day is Saturday and the next time I think about the fruit is Monday nine days later.  Most of the good stuff is no longer good.  So I have to monitor what I buy and constantly remind myself.  Remember how you bought the berries for snacks.  Eat them!!!  I think my four pound strawberry buy from Costco is brilliant until I eat three of them.  It helps to pack fruit for snacking at the office.  It doesn't take that much time to prepare but I tell myself it does.  For instance blueberries, raspberries, and blackberries are delicious.  And they just need a rinse and go.  Summer is absolutely my favorite season for fruit ( I am so a berry girl!)  So constantly we have to monitor our produce drawers.  Currently we are seeing a lot of red in our fridge, raspberries, strawberries, and cherries.  Ohhh I love a good cherry.  They are so pretty, that deep ruby shade that slowly swirls among the berries fading lighter or darker.
Today I was preparing for tomorrow's lunch golden honeydew melon mixed with some cherries.  If I am at home I love to pluck the cherries and spit out the pits.  Which is a solitary activity or for those who truly know and love you.  It doesn't sound like a pleasing work atmosphere activity.  Which means I need to pit my cherries.  I pluck my stems, pluck, pluck, pluck.  And as I grow more accustomed to working with fruit.  I give myself a thumbs up for wearing a red shirt as the cherries are staining my fingers that beautiful ruby shade. And nearby I have a handy bowl to collect my stems and my pits.  Now I have the fruit container on the stove and the cherry garbage over by the sink as I have just rinsed the cherries.  It takes me three individual cherries pitted.  Cut the cherry in half, twist, and push/thumb out pit.  I then turn around and walk the three steps to the fruit container I am bringing to work.  I drop off the cherry halves and walk the three steps back to the sink.  I repeat this cycle two more times.  Then it dawns me.  Bring the container to the sink.  If I was doing this for exercise so be it.  I wasn't, at least not intentionally.  But this visual struck me.  How often do I repeat the pattern?  It's working, its getting the job done; but it isn't enhancing my life nor had I explored different ways to tackle the problem.  I was so focused on removing the pits that the means got lost.   Too often I do this.  Focus on the problem and forget that there could be more than one solution.  Some ways are better than others, and which path depends on the goal.  It is important to remove the pit/obstacle but keep thinking of solutions.  You never know which path will lead you to be your best.

May your HealthFULL Journey never focus on the pits but the numerous solutions.  "Til we meet again. . . 

Phasing out the Bad by Welcoming the Good :)

Have you ever suffered from a bad headache?

How about a week - long headache?

Or a headache where the growing gnawing nauseousness

or where light is painful

or noise beyound obnoxious

or just that fuzzy cloudy feeling?

Any of this sound familiar?

If it does, don't feel alone!!!

I too, can relate to the variety pack of headaches.

I really can't remember my life without headaches playing a part, I usually say I remember them starting when I was seven years old. Not that I know for sure that's when they started. I just remember having a headache that young. I would say it was pretty common to have a headache of some sort at least once a week until I was sixteen. It was at age sixteen that I received a concussion and for many years suffered the gambit of headaches on a pretty steady daily basis. I saw countless doctors about what I could do and ran many, many tests (including a new cat scan). I tried a variety of "cure-alls" from giving up caffeine to increasing caffeine to peppermint oil, keeping hydrated, several different vitamins, etc. Many factors acted as "stressors" and I tried to eliminate them as I went about my routine. I just made sure to keep my friendly tylenol or advil, handy. When we moved out of North Dakota to South Carolina my headaches diminished quite a bit. Though I think the move and change in weather and atmosphere played a part, there were other factors probably contributing to the success of less headaches. Most of the credit goes to the fact that I pretty much had given myself the okay to take 600 mg of advil daily. I would take it in the morning and go headache-free for 85% of the time. I felt this was a preventative action. I never exceeded my daily limit and was always upfront with anyone taking my medical history that I did this on a daily basis. Well from my last post you would know that I have started reading the labels of what I consume. Recently, I informed my husband that I am not suppose to be taking these OTC (Over the counter as it has switched to generic ibuprofen) medications on an ongoing long-term basis. I know this is going to sound ditzy, but I was shocked! I don't even like taking medicine and I realized how long I had been taking this on a daily basis. If I truly wanted to participate in my HealthFULL Journey I felt this was a big step to take. I had to let go of my head-ache free blanket and see what would happen. So I slowly phased out the pills. I was taking three 200 mg pills daily. So each week I dropped a pill from the routine. And I am proud to say that it has been a week without my morning safety net and for the most part have been head-ache free. Though I have tried several cure-alls in the past I think I am remaing head-ache free because of the joint effects of incorporating a healthier lifestyle. Where maybe in the past one cure-all didn't solve all the headache triggers. By combining extra sleep, tons more water, cutting way down on soda, adding excercise and trying to push out junk food and adding in the healthy nutritious food it is possibly fighting off the headaches for good. I of course don't know which combination is directly responsible but I am enjoying the benefits. I think a HealthFull Journey is all about Phasing out the Bad by Welcoming the Good :) May you find out how to Fully Understand Life by Living while welcoming in the good habits and phasing out the bad. Good luck on your HealthFULL Journey!!! See ya next week. . .