If you have ever read FISH written by Stephen C. Lundin, Harry Paul, and John Christensen) you probably already know that there is a definite difference between being "here" and being present. A good chunk of the recent years I have been just here (or there :) but not really present. I think this is why I have felt like it has been effort some of these days to take this HealthFULL Journey. I was tired of just being here and not present.
My body would go and fulfill my responsibilities to work, family, and friends. But rarely was I truly engaged. I was busy disappearing into the past of good memories, painful lessons, and rehashing relationships and moments that slipped through my fingers for a variety of reasons. Occasionally I would motivate myself enough to engage myself into lists for the future - some short term and some long term. But rarely did anyone have my full attention; especially myself. As I was checking out I was killing myself with food and little to no activity.
Its why FULL stands for Fully Understanding Life by Living. I wasn't engaging life, I was barely showing up. As I have taken my sweet time on the scenic route of this journey - I feel some of these days I feel like I am driving 90 mph (and when I was a teenager I received two speeding tickets that prove I know what that feels like - not bragging about that fact just full disclosure). I feel overwhelmed. I feel thrilled. I feel joy. I feel needed. I feel alive. People come to me with questions. As I faded into the background those years not too far back few questions nor comments came my way. A zombie like fill-in doesn't tend to have much enthusiasm to attract people nor seem very wise with their empty stare and the occasional frown.
I write this entry because I am looking back in my rearview mirror at someone who wasn't living and though I was numb to hurt which I feel is one of the reasons I had shut-down - its only a temporary solution that freezes us out of own lives and out of the lives of those we care about. Our society seems to be losing control as few and fewer people want to pick up the reins of responsibility. Honestly, how many households have the discussion what/where should we eat and it last for twenty plus minutes? And rarely is that a lively debate kind of discussion but a lazy conversation where nobody wants to make the final decision. Within a week if you have a twenty minute conversation about where/what to eat for supper - that wastes over two plus hours. For something all of us have to do typically three times a day. That means it is a possible seven hour time - waster to stall on a weekly basis about what we should eat! That's insane. I admit we have that same discussion around here.
Not only do we waste time, avoid responsibility, but we grab minute details to fixate on and lose the big picture of the moment. We go to a restaurant as a form of ease and entertainment. We go to socialize but we get caught up in the minor details. You can have a good conversation at a restaurant - it is possible. But rare. As a family or a group you will have the server interrupt your meal on average five to seven times. That halts the conversation. That is kind of hard to have anyway as people are far apart usually and then surrounded by other conversations. You certainly don't want to shout private news - so that leaves small talk. It is easy at the dinner table to focus on your meal and be there in the group but not really present as you catch the server to criticize your meal or request a speedier service.
I write this post heavy on my heart that many of us could find more ways to be involved in our own lives. Find activities that bless your mind, spirit, and body. Reach out to community charities. Sign up for a church function. The world is crying out for us to take responsibility and engage in our own lives. But when we're "just here" we miss the cry of those in pain. When we're just here we miss the laughter of those living in the moment. When we're just here we miss too much. But when we're present - no mental lists, no flashbacks of recent arguments, no antagonizing games of "what if" - but really present we are blessed ten-fold -We learn, we connect, we live!
Be present so that you can know this kind of goodness:
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. " --Philippians 4:8
May you be present in your life - engaging with those around you and able to offer a helping hand when called. 'Til we meet again. . .
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