It's happened to you right? You're lying on your back in pain, not sure what's happened but all you can see are stars? Life has hit you smack dab in the face and you just want to crawl under your covers. Maybe it was a physical assault - a stray board, an accidental elbow, an out of nowhere ball that lands on your schnoz. Maybe it was a hurtful comment, a stinging insult, an ungrateful reaction. Maybe it was life-changing news - a lost job, a dreadful diagnosis, or a woe wrapped with grief. Maybe you were at the end of your rope or maybe you were having the time of your life and BAM! We've all had that moment. We all handle that first step after BAM! in our own way but the majority of us regardless of how we plan to adjust to the BAM! We tend to tremor with a note of distrust, our confidence is a little lower, our voice is a smidge quieter. Our world was rocked and we are afraid we can't have it happen again or have vowed to never let it happen again. So how do we approach that first step? We build our defenses a little bit higher. We are a bit more cautious with our choices. Can I give you an example the inspiration for this blog?
Yesterday was a beautiful autumn day here in South Carolina. Just a touch of a breeze with the sun shining - you could wear a t-shirt as the sun kept you warm or long sleeve and the breeze was just enough to keep you cool. My son and I were antsy to do something. We also had another family member who just wanted to be loved - any activity that included the family was great by her - our dog Belle. Our toddler is in the stage where he has a lot to say and is aware of everything and he is fascinated by our dog. FASCINATED!!! So we headed outside to play in the yard. I chased the dog, Drew chased Belle, and everyone was having a wonderful time. Well enters the scene is our jealous cat. He is not a fan of many people nor many activities except for sleeping and eating. But he heard our giggles and someone's squeals of delights. So Smokey was checking out the scene looking a tish forlorn with a bit of a scowl as he sat on the other side of the screen door. Our cat was a northern cat so he isn't an outside cat at all. Kitties don't live outside in Northern North Dakota or they don't see spring :( But every once in awhile our cat gets a hankering to check out the world surrounding his house. So usually I leave the screen door up to keep out bugs (I so DISLIKE bugs). But seeing this pitiful display I tiptoe to the door to open it if kitty should choose to wander outside and left it wide open. He isn't really a trusting cat.
At this point, I should also mention as my son is aware of the dog he is SUPER aware of the cat. The dog is my son's comrade, nanny, protector, buddy - you name it they are pretty close. But the cat has no desire to form this bond. He sees the boy as an adorable terminator with instructions to destroy kitty. Probably because my son releases a battle cry and runs full speed after any glance of the cat directly towards him like a missile. This happened yesterday. Drew is happily kicking/chasing a ball with me as Belle rests to catch her breath. Smokey tentatively steps out into the big bad world for seven seconds and then hears the high pitch cry of delight from my son as he charges directly towards the cat. Of course our cat books it back inside. I slam the screen door shut to give the cat some space from the overeager toddler. Well all of this commotion encourages our dog to run around the yard like she is in a crazy puppy Indy 500 Sprint kind of thing and all of a sudden she must just get this overwhelming urge to either check on the cat or desire a drink of water. Because Belle starts to wind in her top speed race type circles and dashes to the door. Or a better description would be through the door, except she doesn't make it all the way through the door. She kind of bounces as the tear screams across our sort of screen door. Now I let out a combination of a guffaw, yelp for the dog, shriek for the pocketbook, and a gulp of air as I try to figure out how to handle this. The dog seemed okay though a bit skitterish and I slid the door out of the way. I decided we had all had enough fun and called in both my son and dog. My son chose to not enter the door because he thinks the game of chase and retrieve the baby are the most fun games around as he giggles in delight. He has especially mastered the I'm going to run towards you like requested and get as close as two inches away from where your arms reach and then turn around and run as quickly and as far as I can while I giggle uncontrollably. I like this game so much more around our house/yard than public places (like libraries, church, grocery stores - we play this game a lot!!!) I then attempted to bring my dog inside who is all about coming in after playing for a good bit. She came close to the door and also abruptly turned around. I figured she wanted to retrieve the boy and I was all for that as I encouraged her "go get Drew - tell him to come inside!" My son decided the game wasn't as much fun as I stood by the door and did not join in the pursuit. Plus he could climb the step inside and that's so much fun. He enters the house and I expect Belle to trot in so proud as she had shepherded the boy inside. She nears the door and whimpers. And takes two steps back. I wave her in - and get frustrated - get inside so I can close the door. She again steps forward but stops at the threshold - if you have ever seen a vampire movie. I swear she was acting if there was a power holding her back.
And there was a power - a power of fear. How many of us fear the return of our downfall? A reminder of pain we were uncertain we could survive the first time. We will do anything to avoid the return of that unspeakable pain, discomfort, helplessness that BAM! knocked us to the ground. We avoid possible patterns, tell lies to ourselves and those around us, we limit interactions, any item or activity that we can control to alter the same consequences. My dog refused to let this screen door catch her offguard again. Another example is my brother in high school before he could drive was riding his bike and hurt his finger pretty badly - quite a few stitches. It took his finger awhile to heal. Finally, after the splint was removed he was riding bike his again. His bike slid on some gravel and so concerned about protecting his healed finger he landed badly on his arm and broke it.
I do not say these alarms to protect ourselves are bad. Some of the BAMS! are great opportunities to learn but with each pain we lose a little bit of faith, our trust begins to tarnish in response to these hurts. And sometimes we let the fear of the pain repeating cause us to harm ourselves worse or miss out on the blessings because we are afraid of treading to close to that painful territory. I tried to prove what I could to the dog that she was safe crossing the enterance. I stepped outside back inside to show no door. I clapped my hands in several spots. But it had to be her that took the step of faith back into our home. She came close and began to gently and gingerly wave her snout near the entrance, she then leaned into her pose to cross her nose over the boundary, and finally lifted her paw in surrender and climbing into the house. YAY BELLE!!!
And Yay you! On your HealthFULL Journey you probably have seen your share of BAMs!!! But give yourself a pat on the back and a round of applause because if you are reading this you have survived each and every one of them. And maybe you are in the midst of one - First I am sorry that you are hurt or boiling over in anger/frustration -But can I tell you something? You got this. You are strong and growing stronger everyday. And the sooner you surrender the helplessness, the anger, the disappointment, the blame, the shame, or the guilt - the sooner you can begin to heal and take the positive steps forward over that daunting edge; steps that you need, that you crave, and that you deserve! May your HealthFULL Journey never include a BAM you can't conquer and may you always feel FULL - Feeling Unbelievable and Loving Life while also living a life FULL of Health. 'Til we meet again. . .
I share a picture of my puppy Belle in honor of her bravery and reminding me that even we are scared of the world hitting us back we need to move forward in faith with our heart firmly trusting the Lord.
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