"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”--Joshua 1:9
Whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! That's how ideas flip through my thoughts. I sometimes feel like bees are just buzzing and flitting through ideas. I get easily excited and therefore pretty easily discouraged. But sometimes you just get those ideas that clamor for attention. They pull your nerves and tighten your muscles until attention is paid. Sometimes these ideas seem so overwhelming. You sidestep, you run, you hide, you dodge, you plead for these ideas to let go and find a new home. Someone able, someone eager, someone enthusiastic, someone younger, just someone else would be nice to offer a haven to this craziness. Finally, you convince yourself it is easier to attempt the first step and be rejected or roadblocked then continue to hear that squeal of the gears crunching together and jamming to a halt as you try to brake the constant whirrrrr!
So I did it. I took the first step forward in what I feel is my life Calling. I applied to seminary. Just three years ago I re-applied to college to finish my degree after a seven year hiatus. I certainly did not think that I would not only finish my B.A. but that I would actually apply to graduate school. Whew! It is exhausting to even imagine working towards my Master of Divinity while also chasing after a two year old. But it's one step at a time, right?
I have felt overwhelmed a lot lately. So to lessen the load I have been trying to put out little fires, de clutter here and there, make a menu, blow off responsibility and read or tinker on the www.HealthFULLJourney.com website, or just grab my son and head outside. I probably should the last one more. Once I get stuck in my thoughts it is hard to remember the importance of fresh air and simply changing surroundings can make a huge difference. Right? It is easy to get stuck. Its easy to let those negative thoughts pull you down and crush your spirit.
Tricks, gimmicks, are mental band-aids and sometimes they absolutely do the trick. Sometimes you just have that snag or scratch that needs a little TLC and is poof all better. But then occasionally the muck is sticky, thick, and STRONG! Those situations can only be slightly delayed with a trick of breathing or a visual gimmick of peace. Those moments when you truly are snagged by the hardening muck needs professional hands.
Whew! So it has come to that time for me. It has been three and half years that I have held onto this so unhealthy weight. There will be phases of great progress and then Whoosh as I slide down the mountain. There is huge part of me that is ready to clean house and say farewell, but something isn't clicking. So many wonderful blessings have came into my life and rocked my world in such a fabulous way with so many areas of my health VASTLY improved the physicality just isn't showing as much progress. So I am going to work a little more on the mental/emotional areas and hopefully will trigger that physical response. I have decided with some friendly suggestions and encouragement it is time to visit a counselor and deal with that mental storage room that is just crammed with junk. I believe I have kept that off limits because of the anxiety of being pulled back into horrible replay of those sad memories that we can't quite let go that is full of failure, regrets, embarassment, and just the yuck files of life. Sure those memories are minimal compared to the blessings in one's life usually until you get trapped in the room with them, face -to-face and then in that instant feel bigger than those monsters of childhood.
Just acknowledging that there is those issues to paw through so most can be let go is somewhat healing which leads to taking forward steps. We can sidestep, skip, crawl, tiptoe, sneak all we want, but none of those actions help to strengthen ourselves or lead to a healthier life on this journey. So for me to keep Feeling Unbelievable & Loving Life it means taking forward steps. It means reclaiming confidence in my gifts and abilities. It means acknowledging mistakes but not attaching them to me as a lifelong anchor. It also means getting angry, vulnerable, and personal. Whew! But it will lead to blessings I truly believe. Every pound lost adds valuable precious time to share here on Earth with my beautiful son and fabulous hubby and amazing friends and family. Maybe that's the way to look at the weight loss - an extra tick on the life clock. Each effort is a positive. My first task is to drink MORE WATER and less and less soda. Forward steps. Sure I have conquered this healthy step several times over but than I slip back into the comfortable pattern of four to five cans of diet soda easily and slowly let go of drinking water habit. Why is it so easy to backslide a gazillion steps and almost back-breaking to take that one positive forward step? Especially when we know where we want to go and why!
May your HealthFULL journey be forward moving with few backslides. It's good to remember your starting point and to be aware of the forward progress that has occurred but be careful not to get stuck in the past by mistakes or by successes for it is the forward steps of today that lead us to the progress of tomorrow. God's Blessings 'Til we meet again. . .
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