Funny for me to be thinking of the High Dive as we are in the dead of winter. But is it really? Our weather has been a mix of transitions of winter to spring and all the sludgy gloom it brings and then a couple of afternoons that are so beautiful you would think it is spring passing into summer. Maybe I am craving sunshine and am anticipating the pool. But the High Dive I have pictured in my thoughts is a very specific diving board located in the heart of East Grand Forks, MN. I grew up there. And every summer most of the kids rode their bikes, walked, or had parents drop them off at this local hot spot. There were two low diving boards (I think? it has been a long time since I have been to that pool) and one High Dive (this I definitely remember). The line for the High Dive was usually made up of older kids (pre-teens and the brink of teenagerdom). It was a place to laugh, to share secrets, gossip, to see and be seen, and the oldest person around was usually a lifeguard maybe in their early twenties.
But I bring up the High Dive because sometimes when I begin to feel vulnerable or on the brink of conquering a fear it feels like attempting the High Dive. Sometimes with a bit of confidence, coaxing from friends, and a joy of showing off I would climb that high ladder. At the time I would guess twenty four feet in the air. Maybe in reality ten - twelve feet? But with sheer determination I would pull myself up step by step until my feet were on the platform and bravely stride to the end and jump. Just jump. But there were moments if I paused to think I am at the edge of the board. This makes me nervous. And looking down into that abyss of sparkling blue water of a whole twelve feet I would scamper back to the safety of the railings where the diving board is anchored to the ladder. And sometimes swallow my pride, stick my tail between my legs and scurry down the steps. Face growing red with shame while choking on the fear of being so close to excitement, growth, unknown opportunity and only seeing the possibilities of pain, drowning, and criticism. Oh and there would be catcalls, hollers, and snickers. But thankfully, because of the adrenaline of fear mostly one hears only their racing heartbeat as we walk the walk of shame right past the crowd.
Its scary and a hassle to be on the brink of stretching our boundaries; Redefining ourselves by realizing we aren't who we've always been. There is such a comfort to those railings and even more comfort looking up at the ladder as a goal. But the fun happens when we leave the board and dive into water, letting go of fears, letting go of boundaries, and truly living in the moment. There is an honesty to the vulnerability. Oh sure I jumped the high dive many times before fear seized me I was ignorant. I knew pain was possible after a particularly embarrassing and PAINFUL belly flop. You know the kind with a huge splash after a thunderous slapping sound as the skin hits the water. Did you wince a little at the description? Because yeah it hurt. But back to allowing ourselves to be vulnerable - no shell of bravado, no cocky repertoire, but just a desire to improve, to grow and shown with deliberate actions. This HealthFULL (Fully Understanding Life by Living) Journey has brought so many blessings into my life. But sometimes the work is not fun, doesn't feel rewarding enough, and I so want to retreat back to the safety of the railings where life feels a little more secure. That my surroundings are more to my comfort. But it is that moment of purposefully stepping toward the edge of the high dive and the board starts to dip towards the pool when excitement travels through the nerves and the heart pumps in anticipation of the next moment. The moment we have built up in our minds as we climbed those ladder steps, the thought of success dangling in our vision when letting go of the safety of the railing, and is now within our grasp as we look down at our toes lined up with the edge of the board. So many options now are at our disposal: Do we retreat? Do we plummet awkwardly into a belly flop? Do we muster our all of our strength and begin to bounce as hard as we can for the jump of a lifetime? Do we turn around and get fancy with a backwards flip? So many options once we let ourselves be vulnerable and let go of all the daily trappings we fell prey.
Step up to the edge and let's dive into greatness together.
May your HealthFULL Journey give you a ladder to climb, a railing to cling, and a board to clear. 'Til we meet again. . .
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