Do you like to get away? Vacation? Staycation? Anything that changes up our duties and responsibilities? I like to be in the mix of things as long as I have an escape plan. It allows me to regroup and feel in control of my life. I think that is why I have turned to food. Though the more food I eat the harder it is to hide behind it. Many complaints and what I think of as statements quickly turn to whines. Which is sad because I have been so incredibly blessed and truly from the bottom of my heart am grateful. But when I get overloaded due to the family demands, the daily grind, and the worries and stress I pile upon my shoulders I am seeking my little cubbyhole to escape, let go of the big and little and just refresh. When I was younger, I used to have a "special place" both inside my house and outside my house. Outside was two parks that were about four blocks away from me. I could go there and read, sing, act, scream, and just be. And inside my house I had set up my closet to be my haven. I would stack up my supplies of books, flashlights, comfy comforts (pillows, blanket) and grab my snack or lunch or pop. And disappear for an hour or two. This was no walk in closet but just a little space to escape. I even had created a light source out of a hanger, a robe tie, and a flashlight to properly illuminate "my place". Now I have so much more room in my house but none of it feels just mine. My hubby is fantastic and I love that not only do we share this house but our lives. But I seek out that nook for just "Suzy" where I can celebrate, whine, cry, meditate, or just be. I have looked in town, little out of the ordinary restaurants, my house. And nothing has revealed itself like my playgrounds of youth. A place with positive memories but not overcrowded with others. It is part of my journey. To either discover a let go place or to learn to muddle through life without an escape route. I think escape routes are good. We plan them with our family and children in case of a fire. We plan them with friends or family when we get roped into a party we really don't want to attend (oh you know that you have pleaded with a friend, I will go only on the condition we can leave at my signal - tug of the year, crossed arms, foot taps. ) But then I also see that when we have an escape plan we don't bother working through the crisis. We just sense trouble and hop along our merry way. It's good to not feel chaotic but it is a bit sad to not let go. There is a quote up on a business billboard I pass on my way to the office. "Only those who risk going too far ever realize how far they truly can go". I edit myself, don't want too offend, don't want to cause hurt, don't want to get too involved, so I pause. It is good to filter, but not to block oneself. So my plan is to find an escape route that doesn't include snacking. An escape route to bring peace of mind so that I can move forward.
May you feel enough prepared in life to live passionately uninhibited. 'Til we meet again. . .
No comments:
Post a Comment