Bunny-hop

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Do you remember that popular wedding dance? Kick out kick out hop forward, hop BACKWARD, hop hop hop! To do the big hops forward we have to hop back. I don't like the rewind button. I would mind a do over or re-set every now and then but the rewind means we have to relive past mistakes. I hate being wrong. Like really HATE being wrong. I understand no one is perfect but what is done is done and it is hard...maybe not hard but uncomfortable. I hate that feeling. I hate watching awkward scenes in movies, I like to skip over awkward sentences, and I don't enjoy awkward scenes in real life because I don't like to be uncomfortable and certainly never want to be responsible for some else's discomfort. But I think that is a part of life. We need to feel the rough patches to adjust accordingly. I am working hard to look back to the moments in life that made me who I am today, physically, mentally, socially, and emotionally. This means I am going to have to pull out the time line I started. It means as I muddle through homework once again (still so foreign) I should remember where I was ten years ago attempting some of these subjects. I have started reading through a book entitled Body Clutter by the Flylady and the Dinner Diva (their names escape me right this second) to help unpack some of these emotional pounds. Some of their chapters I have to stop because they are just a little to close to my own truth. I think that is part of this process that challenges me. I am a creative person and enjoy a good story. I am realizing that about myself I recreated certain memories or events to a storifed version and have to almost relive it to allow myself to regain the truth and reveal the true emotions that I packed up neatly in my re-created story. I am sorry to tell you but I think we all are guilty of this every now and then. We paint ourselves the victim or embellish our hero moments. We prefer to omit the details that make us look imperfect and add a few details to make the story more interesting. Sometimes we do this trick so cleverly we even disguise the truth to ourselves and I think somewhere within these stories of mine lies some understanding to at least a few of these extra pounds I carry. So the bunny-hop I dance. I kick out to the right and the left I hop forward but now I must hop back. Forward is so exciting in the possibilities of the unknown and the adventures to be had. But the hop backwards is disheartening, it is not forward. It is where we have been. In these hops we left some hurts behind. We shrug off frustrations back there. But it is in these steps backward we gain the momentum to move such a distance forward. So I tentatively jump back because I believe I am truly ready to hop three forward. I'll revisit what I can find and see what I can hopefully uncover. I hope in your HealthFULL Journey all your hops are beneficial and exciting. I hope none leave you disheartened and that you reveal the fun and truth hiding in your own steps. Now get hopping! 'Til we meet again. . .